"Do you eat chemicals?!?"

[Janie Grace]

So I was standing outside the trampoline park today holding a box with a clear lid that contained what was left of ds's birthday cake.  The cake had white frosting with blue and red writing and balloons. A boy (probably 7 or 8) walking toward us with his dad said loudly to his dad, "look Dad, that cake has CHEMICALS on it!"

 

The dad smiled and said, "Yes, it does."

And then as they climbed the steps next to me, the boy said to me, "Do you eat chemicals!?!?"

 

The dad smiled again and said nothing. I said cheerily, "Yup, we sure do! On our birthdays we eat food coloring!"

 

Most of me just thinks this is hilarious  -- my kids have said embarrassing things to strangers (although it was when they were much younger) and I'm amused by the widespread nonsensical use of the word "chemicals." But part of me thinks the dad was kind of a jerk to not hush his son. The dad's expression wasn't apologetic or trying to bring balance to his kid's perspective... it was more like "that's my boy." Granted, I have no idea what he was thinking or feeling and maybe the kid has issues. But I feel a bit like I just got called out by a mini Whole Foods evangelist!  :glare:

[Tanaqui]

You did fine. I might've responded with "Everything in the world is chemicals", but that's because I have a hard time not being snippy in public. Your response was better.

[Garga]

Are you sure it wasn't that the boy had learned something about chemistry recently that the dad didn't say anything? Maybe it wasn't a matter of, "Oooo! Look at you putting bad stuff into your body," as much as that the boy recognized something from his science lessons and the dad was proud of the boy for putting the two things together.

 

Sometimes people are clueless that there can be more than one meaning to the things they say/do and how they're perceived. For instance, my husband went to a private shool. I went to public school. It was a running joke whenever that if he was right and I was wrong he'd say, "Well that's what you get with a public school education." (He was always joking and being playful about it.)

 

And then we had kids and started homeschooling. And he would still make the public school joke--but not just to me, sometimes to other people, "Well, that's what you get with a public school education." He didn't realize that now people interpreted that comment not as a joke about his private school education, but they took it as a dig by a homeschooling family against their public schooled kids.

 

I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

 

And even if they were dissing your chemicals, so what? Those chemicals are yummy!

[Cinder]

Reminds me of when a friend's dc were railing against their parents' "drug use." The parents enjoyed an occasional beer or wine, and these were lumped in with all other drugs in the school's drug awareness program. So the dc had become alarmed that their parents used drugs. I suppose that, being an elementary school level program, it was easier to group it all together in the "bad" category than to try to delve into the nuances of alcohol use.

[Guest]

When my kids were littler I told them food coloring was a chemical we don't eat (because we can not). I am 100% certain both of them said this exact thing in public. They just pointed it out; they point everything EVERYTHING out. There's little to say but "OK, Bud." It definitely wasn't an indictment for us. It was probably another points-everything-out kid! Some kids...you just can't hush or you'd spend your whole life shh shh shhing. Do you eat chemicals doesn't set off my hush-dar.

 

[Guest]

That sounds like something my kid would do, but I would have hushed him. I have to remind him not to say certain things. The other day he learned that some glues are toxic (because we did a craft with glue that probably was). The same week he did a project in woodworking class and told me later that he commented to the teacher that the glue was toxic. She said nothing. I told him he shouldn't have said anything and it may have hurt her feelings. :o

 

If her feelings are hurt because a kid learned glue can be toxic, she'd got much bigger problems.

[Word Nerd]

That sounds like something my kid would do, but I would have hushed him. I have to remind him not to say certain things. The other day he learned that some glues are toxic (because we did a craft with glue that probably was). The same week he did a project in woodworking class and told me later that he commented to the teacher that the glue was toxic. She said nothing. I told him he shouldn't have said anything and it may have hurt her feelings. :o

Or maybe she just didn't think a reply was necessary.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I'm not sure what the dad should have shushed the child for.  I'm guessing the child is simply repeating what he has been taught by his mom and dad, and he's trying to figure out how the rest of the world works.  So, he's observing, and he's identifying, and he's categorizing, and he's investigating.  He didn't do anything wrong.  If he were my kid, I would take the soonest opportunity to teach him some more stuff about how other folks do things differently and make different choices for their families, and that that's okay.  I'd also throw in some chemistry lessons.  But I wouldn't shame him in public by shushing him just for asking questions.  

[rebbyribs]

Not to mention that it was covered in sucrose and triglycerides!

 

I can see my kids saying something like that, given how they sometimes go around pointing out all of the flying dinosaurs in our neighborhood.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My kids hate the smell of cigarette smoke, and loudly comment on it whenever we are near a smoker.  Being in Europe, we are near them a lot.  Teaching them to keep their (truthful) comments to themselves is a process...

[Joyofsixreboot]

Because I often speak without engaging my brain I might have said a number of things involving whiskey, meth ,Walter White, DuPont commercials and meeting at 4:20. You did fine.

[Pawz4me]

Yesterday on another forum I'm on someone posted that it was absolutely best to use only "chemical free pet grooming products."

 

I swear I had to sit on my hands for a bit and then step away from the computer. ;)   It's the kind of "nice" forum where even if I'd gently or jokingly pointed out the problem with that statement someone would've gotten their feelings hurt.

[creekland]

"Do you eat chemicals?"

 

My probable answer?  "Every day!  Dihydrogen Monoxide is a personal favorite.  There actually isn't anything we eat that isn't made of chemicals.  We like chemicals."

 

That would give dad something to explain later if he felt the need.   ;)

Edited December 13, 2015 by creekland

[lollie010]

This reminds me of a former SIL who came to our house with a 5 and 8 year old. We have always been straight up "whole, organic" folks. But, because of budget limitations and having 5 visitors that weekend we relaxed a little with some of the treats and snacks.

 

SIL went on and on and on about her kids NEVER get sick because they've never had food dye. The never have ANYTHING with added sugar. So therefore they were the epitome of health and wellbeing. I refrained from getting defensive.

 

So we all piled in her vehicle to go shopping and her kid starts coughing. She pulls out a half empty bottle of over the counter, bright red cough medicine and tells him to take a sip. She said "he just can't get rid of that cough and I keep it in the car to help them sleep." He protests about how bad it tastes and she hands him a Mountain Due to chase it down. It's a crazy, mixed up world!

[catz]

I would expect something like that out of a 7 year old. We are more natural food types. But I personally would correct my kid and say something like "Sorry about that! What a great looking cake" And then a private conversation with Bobby about how commenting like this might be perceived as rude and turn it around and said suppose someone started asking about your hummus. I've had many such conversations with my kids over the years. My high school freshman is dealing with a kid right now his age with zero filter. His parents have done him a disservice and the kid is socially paying for it now. And this kid has no diagnosis or anything like that.

 

I would be shocked if a teacher cared about a kid commenting glue is toxic. It would be good to know not to eat it!

Edited December 13, 2015 by WoolySocks

[Lisbeth]

I've had to shush one of mine about coffee and alcohol.  As Mormons we are taught not to partake in either.  One of my kids is particularly a "by the book" type of kid and when small (5ish, I think), more than once said something like, "Mom, look, they are drinking coffee!" in a shocked (and loud) tone.  I had to explain that not everyone abstains, that quite a few people drink coffee and alcohol and it's none of our business. 

[AndyJoy]

I had an acquaintance who was obsessed with healthy eating and no food dyes. When her 5-year-old son started lecturing two other kids on our group ice cream outing about their blue ice cream she stood in the corner grinning proudly. One of them ended up crying.

 

Another time she told us how proud she was of her "little evangelist" for confronting a stranger at the grocery store about the unhealthy contents of her shopping cart.

 

Our relationship was severely strained after she emailed me while I was IN THE HOSPITAL RECOVERING FROM SURGERY to tell me about how healthy eating and her MLM product could repair my DNA and prevent my spinal tumor from coming back.

 

She was sure she was giving the world life-changing advice and didn't see a need to filter his/her own thoughts. Unfortunately she also didn't understand why she had trouble making friends in our moms' group.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Eh well...kids.  My husband is very vocal about recycling so the younger one has freaked out (yes freaked out) when someone throws a metal can in the trash. 

 

He has no objection to eating chemicals though.  :lol:

 

 

[Word Nerd]

"Do you eat chemicals?"

 

My probable answer? "Every day! Dihydrogen Monoxide is a personal favorite. There actually isn't anything we eat that isn't made of chemicals. We like chemicals."

 

That would give dad something to explain later if he felt the need. ;)

The "I only use chemical-free products" and "there's no safe level of chemical to ingest EVAR!" nonsense being spouted by people like Food Babe is a pet peeve of mine. I would have cheerfully answered the boy and taken advantage of the learning opportunity.

[SparklyUnicorn]

The "I only use chemical-free products" and "there's no safe level of chemical to ingest EVAR!" nonsense being spouted by people like Food Babe is a pet peeve of mine. I would have cheerfully answered the boy and taken advantage of the learning opportunity.

 

Drives me bonkers too.  Discussing food with people has almost become as contentious as discussing politics or religion.

[Lady Florida.]

The "I only use chemical-free products" and "there's no safe level of chemical to ingest EVAR!" nonsense being spouted by people like Food Babe is a pet peeve of mine. I would have cheerfully answered the boy and taken advantage of the learning opportunity.

 

And did you know that the airplane air is unsafe to breathe because the airlines don't use pure oxygen? She quickly backed off on that one when people called her on it but I'm sure some of her followers were all, "Oh yeah! That's terrible!".

[zoobie]

You did fine. I might've responded with "Everything in the world is chemicals", but that's because I have a hard time not being snippy in public. Your response was better.

Yeah, I would've said sure do and so do you! All food is comprised of chemicals. If they're food-evangelists, the dad was smug for not intervening. If the kid is fascinated by carbon-based products, it seems like he would've quickly explained oh he's on a chemistry bender ha ha ha.

[Annie G]

I guess I see it a missed opportunity for the dad to teach the kid that it's rude to police other people, whether it's about food choices, driving a gas guzzling car, fashion choices, etc.  Sure, kids say what they think- it's up to the parents to teach them when it's appropriate to speak up. It's a tricky thing for kids to learn, because we want them to stand up for themselves and for people being bullied, but we don't want them to be 'that person' who annoys everyone by being preachy about everything. 

 

So...if I am in a restaurant and a woman walks by just as I'm getting ready to bite into a bacon double cheeseburger, of course it would be rude for her to tell me how I'm killing myself with red meat, bacon, and bread. But little kids have to be taught not to be that person. Probably around 7 or 8 is a good time to gently start telling a child, without embarrassment, when they cross a line.  

 

I'd forgive a kid, but probably side eye the dad. 

[catz]

I guess I see it a missed opportunity for the dad to teach the kid that it's rude to police other people, whether it's about food choices, driving a gas guzzling car, fashion choices, etc.  Sure, kids say what they think- it's up to the parents to teach them when it's appropriate to speak up. It's a tricky thing for kids to learn, because we want them to stand up for themselves and for people being bullied, but we don't want them to be 'that person' who annoys everyone by being preachy about everything. 

 

So...if I am in a restaurant and a woman walks by just as I'm getting ready to bite into a bacon double cheeseburger, of course it would be rude for her to tell me how I'm killing myself with red meat, bacon, and bread. But little kids have to be taught not to be that person. Probably around 7 or 8 is a good time to gently start telling a child, without embarrassment, when they cross a line.  

 

I'd forgive a kid, but probably side eye the dad. 

 

Yes - this exactly.  Although, I started having these conversations as soon as my kids were vocal.  I wouldn't drone on and on and kept it age appropriate, but gentle discussions "Suzie doesn't really need to know what you think of her lunch.  It might make you feel sad if Suzie said "peanut butter is so icky".  Everyone is different and that's ok.".  My kids were unusually verbal though, so I'm sure the exact age varies that this kind of discussion makes sense.  Teaching this kind of thing is a process that takes many years. 

 

There's also a difference between saying something "Oh my gosh - you don't recycle!?  Wow - do you hate the earth?" and "do you mind if I take your cans home to recycle?".   Many/most kids  need to be taught to say the latter.  I do know some adults that think it's awesome to be evangelical about their cause du jour.  I suspect most people find that obnoxious and over the line.  I actively avoid those types.  If dad was smug, I'd suspect he was one of those types.  Although, I wouldn't spend more than a second dwelling on it.  Some people are obnoxious. 

Edited December 13, 2015 by WoolySocks

[katilac]

I'm not sure what the dad should have shushed the child for.  I'm guessing the child is simply repeating what he has been taught by his mom and dad, and he's trying to figure out how the rest of the world works.  So, he's observing, and he's identifying, and he's categorizing, and he's investigating.  He didn't do anything wrong.  If he were my kid, I would take the soonest opportunity to teach him some more stuff about how other folks do things differently and make different choices for their families, and that that's okay.  I'd also throw in some chemistry lessons.  But I wouldn't shame him in public by shushing him just for asking questions.  

 

There are miles of choices in between saying nothing and "shaming" a child in public. 

 

I doubt the kid was on a chemistry kick, but, if he was, dad could have said, "Oh, we were just did a chemistry experiment and learned about food dyes" or whatever. 

 

If he was talking about the evil of chemicals, which is far more likely, lol, dad could have gently reminded him that what other people eat isn't his concern. He could have done this in any number of ways.

 

Remember how we talked about people making different choices? 

 

Son, we don't comment on what other people are eating. 

 

Come along and play. 

 

Whatever, the exact words don't matter, but a parent shouldn't just let that go.  

 

Because it is rude to publicly comment on the behavior of other people, complete strangers included. Of course children are still learning this, but their own parent reminding them of it is hardly shaming in my book. 

[umsami]

My first thought was to do a Homer Simpson like "mmmmmm.....chemicals..."

 

I then was reminded of this article on Nigella Lawson and the clean eating trend that I read a few days ago. 

 

I agree that it was a parenting fail on the Dad's part. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, we don't know if the dad said something later on.  I do not tend to correct my kids in front of other people.  I suppose that might result in pissing a few people off, but nope I do not agree with that unless my kid did something really terrible.  This isn't super nice, but not terrible.

 

I did recently have an issue somewhat similar with my kid.  He said something very honest, but that wasn't really so nice (he is 10).  We are very honest around here and say it like it is.  So he is used to that.  I said something right away, but just, "That's not nice, you should not say that."  And I apologized for it.  Later on I talked to him about it and explained why it was not nice.  The person was mad at me for this.  I told her that I did talk to him and that I agree it wasn't so nice.  She didn't think that was good enough.  What she really was hoping for was that I scream at him in front of her like she did with her own kid constantly.  It made me very uncomfortable when she did that.  She screamed at him all the time.  I think we just have very different parenting styles or something. 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

There are miles of choices in between saying nothing and "shaming" a child in public. 

 

I doubt the kid was on a chemistry kick, but, if he was, dad could have said, "Oh, we were just did a chemistry experiment and learned about food dyes" or whatever. 

 

If he was talking about the evil of chemicals, which is far more likely, lol, dad could have gently reminded him that what other people eat isn't his concern. He could have done this in any number of ways.

 

Remember how we talked about people making different choices? 

 

Son, we don't comment on what other people are eating. 

 

Come along and play. 

 

Whatever, the exact words don't matter, but a parent shouldn't just let that go.  

 

Because it is rude to publicly comment on the behavior of other people, complete strangers included. Of course children are still learning this, but their own parent reminding them of it is hardly shaming in my book. 

 

 

I agree that the child needs to be taught these things (as I stated), but I don't see how it would have helped the child learn anything by saying it in front of a stranger.  The only purpose that would serve is to make the parent look good in front of the stranger.  Maybe this dad just didn't care that much about what the stranger thought of his parenting.  We have no way of knowing what he said to the little boy after they walked away.

[Guest]

According to the OP this child said only the following:

 

look Dad, that cake has CHEMICALS on it!"

 

 

and

 

"Do you eat chemicalsI

 

It's a good policy to assign good intentions to CHILDREN, at least, when trying to figure out how they meant something. This is a benign (and true) statement and a benign, relevant question from a chatty, friendly kid to a friendly nice lady holding a blue cake.

 

I see no comment on the evils of synthetic chemicals. That's an assumption. And to reiterate, we all have no idea how parents handle that or what they are dealing with behind the scenes with that kid.

 

 

Edited December 13, 2015 by OKBud

[Word Nerd]

It's a good policy to assign good intentions to CHILDREN, at least, when trying to figure out how they meant something. This is a benign (and true) statement and a benign, relevant question from a chatty, friendly kid to a friendly nice lady holding a blue cake.

 

 

And saying that yes, everything we eat is made of chemicals is a benign, true answer.

[katilac]

According to the OP this child said only the following:

 

 

and

 

 

It's a good policy to assign good intentions to CHILDREN, at least, when trying to figure out how they meant something. This is a benign (and true) statement and a benign, relevant question from a chatty, friendly kid to a friendly nice lady holding a blue cake.

 

I see no comment on the evils of synthetic chemicals. That's an assumption. And to reiterate, we all have no idea how parents handle that or what they are dealing with behind the scenes with that kid.

 

The kid might have had good intentions or, in the way of kids, no intentions at all, but that doesn't make it any more polite to comment on what other people are eating in what is obviously not a positive way. 

 

Regardless of how the parent deals with it later, the behavior should be stopped at the time. That doesn't have to mean screaming, shaming, or even fussing. 

 

If I truly thought it was absolutely wrong to remind my kid of the rules in public, I would have stayed behind or returned to say, sorry, we're working on that . . . 

[SparklyUnicorn]

The kid might have had good intentions or, in the way of kids, no intentions at all, but that doesn't make it any more polite to comment on what other people are eating in what is obviously not a positive way. 

 

Regardless of how the parent deals with it later, the behavior should be stopped at the time. That doesn't have to mean screaming, shaming, or even fussing. 

 

If I truly thought it was absolutely wrong to remind my kid of the rules in public, I would have stayed behind or returned to say, sorry, we're working on that . . . 

 

I think it depends on the kid.  I let other people decide how to handle their own children and can get over the fact they might do it differently than I do.  This really is not that big of a deal.

[Guest]

And saying that yes, everything we eat is made of chemicals is a benign, true answer.

 

Right, which is how we know she was a nice friendly lady holding a blue cake.

[creekland]

It's a good policy to assign good intentions to CHILDREN, at least, when trying to figure out how they meant something. This is a benign (and true) statement and a benign, relevant question from a chatty, friendly kid to a friendly nice lady holding a blue cake.

 

I see no comment on the evils of synthetic chemicals. That's an assumption. And to reiterate, we all have no idea how parents handle that or what they are dealing with behind the scenes with that kid.

 

Which is why I'm pretty sure I'd have answered as I stated (or close to it).  I tend to keep things going educationally with kids (or adults).  Then dad could have handled anything as he saw fit later.

[Guest]

Which is why I'm pretty sure I'd have answered as I stated (or close to it).  I tend to keep things going educationally with kids (or adults).  Then dad could have handled anything as he saw fit later.

 

He surely did.

 

It takes all kinds I guess.

[katilac]

I think it depends on the kid.  I let other people decide how to handle their own children and can get over the fact they might do it differently than I do.  This really is not that big of a deal.

 

I don't think anyone is saying that it is.  

 

We're just talking about what the thread is about, because . . . that's what the thread is about!  :laugh:

[poppy]

I agree that the child needs to be taught these things (as I stated), but I don't see how it would have helped the child learn anything by saying it in front of a stranger.  The only purpose that would serve is to make the parent look good in front of the stranger.  Maybe this dad just didn't care that much about what the stranger thought of his parenting.  We have no way of knowing what he said to the little boy after they walked away.

 

Oh, I don't agree that people correct their children in front of strangers to "look good".  They do it because it's the right thing to do.  Insulting a stranger out of the blue is not OK.  Whether it's your kid doing it, or a friend, or a stranger.   I'd step up for the person being insulted every time.

Now if the kid was 3-4-5, that's different, that is the age of blurting out comments like "that lady is so fat!" or "why is her skin so funny looking". But 2nd, 3rd grade is different.

[catz]

Well, we don't know if the dad said something later on.  I do not tend to correct my kids in front of other people.  I suppose that might result in pissing a few people off, but nope I do not agree with that unless my kid did something really terrible.  This isn't super nice, but not terrible.

 

I did recently have an issue somewhat similar with my kid.  He said something very honest, but that wasn't really so nice (he is 10).  We are very honest around here and say it like it is.  So he is used to that.  I said something right away, but just, "That's not nice, you should not say that."  And I apologized for it.  Later on I talked to him about it and explained why it was not nice.  The person was mad at me for this.  I told her that I did talk to him and that I agree it wasn't so nice.  She didn't think that was good enough.  What she really was hoping for was that I scream at him in front of her like she did with her own kid constantly.  It made me very uncomfortable when she did that.  She screamed at him all the time.  I think we just have very different parenting styles or something. 

 

Oh - that is total parenting win IMO.  The other parent sounds nuts.  I find it uncomfortable to listen to parents yelling at their kids and I cannot imagine WANTING someone to yell at their own children.  I rarely verbally correct my kids in front of others unless it's actual intentionally malicious and I rarely yell at all - even at home.  I usually just say something to mitigate and end the situation and move on (Happy birthday to your birthday boy!  Have fun!  Let's go kiddo.  Or hey kiddo, we're here to jump not to talk about other people's food!  And then pause for a moment with kiddo alone on the side to explain quickly why that is rude.) 

 

I still consider the dad in the OP kind of a parenting fail.  I can't imagine at least trying to get kiddo to move on and zip it or saying "sorry, Johnny just got a chemistry kit".   But like I said, it wouldn't bring me more than a momentarily giggle and eye roll.  :lol:

[Catwoman]

Oh, I don't agree that people correct their children in front of strangers to "look good". They do it because it's the right thing to do. Insulting a stranger out of the blue is not OK. Whether it's your kid doing it, or a friend, or a stranger. I'd step up for the person being insulted every time.

Now if the kid was 3-4-5, that's different, that is the age of blurting out comments like "that lady is so fat!" or "why is her skin so funny looking". But 2nd, 3rd grade is different.

Exactly. :)

 

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the father should have made a big deal out of it or humiliated his child in public, but at the very least, the father should have made a little joke out of it to make sure the birthday child's feelings weren't hurt by the comment.

 

I do know one family who would have encouraged their kids to point out the chemicals, and then to say that chemicals in your food can make you sick and die and that you should never eat anything but natural organic foods. They think their kids are impressing people with their wonderful knowledge, but I'm sure they are mostly perceived as being rude and obnoxious.

[Butter]

The dad could've agreed with his son.  Several years ago, friends of ours, who are very frugal, often getting their clothes at the thrift store, had a teenage son who really wanted some expensive shoes.  There is not way the ever would've bought them for him, but they told him if he earned the money for them, he could buy them himself.  He worked hard doing yard work for neighbors.  He earned the money, and though his parents still thought shoes that cost that much, especially for a growing boy, was silly, he bought the shoes and was just thrilled with them.  A few weeks later, he and his dad were waiting in a doctor's office and another boy in the waiting room said, loudly, to his dad, "We would never spend lots of money on shoes.  That is wasteful.  No one should ever spend a lot on shoes."  The father replied, also loudly, "That is right.  Some parents spoil their kids buying them things they don't need.  We don't do that because we have no need to prove our love like that."  Our friend was about to say something when his son was called back.  So when I hear or see a situation where a parent just smiles and doesn't say a word, I figure they probably agree with their kid and have likely taught them to think it.  There are a lot of people opposed to "chemicals" in food, so it wouldn't surprise me at all.

[Catwoman]

The dad could've agreed with his son. Several years ago, friends of ours, who are very frugal, often getting their clothes at the thrift store, had a teenage son who really wanted some expensive shoes. There is not way the ever would've bought them for him, but they told him if he earned the money for them, he could buy them himself. He worked hard doing yard work for neighbors. He earned the money, and though his parents still thought shoes that cost that much, especially for a growing boy, was silly, he bought the shoes and was just thrilled with them. A few weeks later, he and his dad were waiting in a doctor's office and another boy in the waiting room said, loudly, to his dad, "We would never spend lots of money on shoes. That is wasteful. No one should ever spend a lot on shoes." The father replied, also loudly, "That is right. Some parents spoil their kids buying them things they don't need. We don't do that because we have no need to prove our love like that." Our friend was about to say something when his son was called back. So when I hear or see a situation where a parent just smiles and doesn't say a word, I figure they probably agree with their kid and have likely taught them to think it. There are a lot of people opposed to "chemicals" in food, so it wouldn't surprise me at all.

Even if he agreed with his son, there is something to be said for being gracious to others and teaching our children that it's not nice to hurt other people's feelings, particularly when the topic of conversation is another kid's birthday cake. He could have made a little joke to the birthday family and then privately told his son that although he agreed with him, sometimes it's not nice to blurt things out to others. It didn't have to be a big deal.

[Wheres Toto]

I probably would have said "Yes, I drink water all the time" because talk about evil chemicals always makes me think of the dihydrogen monoxide joke.

 

My son still doesn't always grasp not commenting on things which can come across rude and I correct him right away so he can apologize. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh - that is total parenting win IMO.  The other parent sounds nuts.  I find it uncomfortable to listen to parents yelling at their kids and I cannot imagine WANTING someone to yell at their own children.  I rarely verbally correct my kids in front of others unless it's actual intentionally malicious and I rarely yell at all - even at home.  I usually just say something to mitigate and end the situation and move on (Happy birthday to your birthday boy!  Have fun!  Let's go kiddo.  Or hey kiddo, we're here to jump not to talk about other people's food!  And then pause for a moment with kiddo alone on the side to explain quickly why that is rude.) 

 

I still consider the dad in the OP kind of a parenting fail.  I can't imagine at least trying to get kiddo to move on and zip it or saying "sorry, Johnny just got a chemistry kit".   But like I said, it wouldn't bring me more than a momentarily giggle and eye roll.  :lol:

 

Yeah.  I hope she doesn't read and post here, but whatever.  Ya know what she said to me?  She'd be willing to give him another chance.  He's freaking 10.  She is an adult.  It wasn't that terrible.  I told her no thanks it's too much pressure to guarantee my kid will behave perfectly.

 

Geesh...

 

Well with the dad, it could also be that he has very strong opinions about that stuff and isn't willing to correct his kid.  My husband has a few things in that category. 

[Butter]

Even if he agreed with his son, there is something to be said for being gracious to others and teaching our children that it's not nice to hurt other people's feelings, particularly when the topic of conversation is another kid's birthday cake. He could have made a little joke to the birthday family and then privately told his son that although he agreed with him, sometimes it's not nice to blurt things out to others. It didn't have to be a big deal.

 

I agree 100%.  But as my story about my friend's son's shoes shows, sometimes the parents have just as bad manners as the kid.

[Jennifer132]

My sister in law and her children became vegan/no sugar about 3 years ago. She told her children (oldest was 7 at the time) that sugar was poison. Then she made some sugary brownies for her Sunday School class. Her son looked at her and said, "Mom, why are you bringing poison to the ladies at church?"😳 Kids are so impressionable. Parents should be more careful how they word things when stating an opinion and not a fact. 🙂

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

~

 

My kids make a fuss about cigarette smoke, but that smoke directly impacts on bystanders. 

 

 

Mine do too.  Luckily we don't encounter it often.  It's illegal to smoke nearly anywhere around here.  Some people ignore the law though.

 

I don't correct my kids with that, but I do tell them that it's not the greatest idea because if they are big enough a-holes to be doing that in the first place they potentially could be nasty in some other way.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Exactly. :)

 

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the father should have made a big deal out of it or humiliated his child in public, but at the very least, the father should have made a little joke out of it to make sure the birthday child's feelings weren't hurt by the comment.

 

I do know one family who would have encouraged their kids to point out the chemicals, and then to say that chemicals in your food can make you sick and die and that you should never eat anything but natural organic foods. They think their kids are impressing people with their wonderful knowledge, but I'm sure they are mostly perceived as being rude and obnoxious.

 

Depends on the kid.  Really ya never know.  If I said something to my 10 year old, he'd ask me 100 questions before he got it. He'd probably start crying.  And he'd probably mention the fact he heard it from me in the first place.  LOL

 

So ya know sometimes it is just better to walk away.  :lol:

Edited December 14, 2015 by SparklyUnicorn

[applethyme]

I think the dad should have used this as a teachable moment.  My kids have also had moments like this in the past and I used it to teach them that we do not get to make choices for other people.  If someone asks our opinion then we may nicely express it, but unsolicited opinions on others' food, drink, social habits or behavior are not acceptable.  The only exception to this rule is if a behavior or action placed someone in imminent danger.   

[Junie]

Am I the only person who would have thought about offering him a piece of cake?   :leaving:

[T'smom]

I think the dad should have used this as a teachable moment. My kids have also had moments like this in the past and I used it to teach them that we do not get to make choices for other people. If someone asks our opinion then we may nicely express it, but unsolicited opinions on others' food, drink, social habits or behavior are not acceptable. The only exception to this rule is if a behavior or action placed someone in imminent danger.

No one knows what the dad said to the kid later. I don't usually correct my kids in public, but I do have conversations with them about things like this afterward.