When should a woman stop coloring her gray hair?

[1bassoon]

Sigh. My obligatory other is for, "When the budget says it's no longer a possibility". I had highlights done once, loved it, but now I'm starting to gray more than I'd like and we just can't afford anything.

My 11yo did announce at lunch that she wanted to save her money to help me color my hair, if that counts!

[knoxinsox]

I've been going gray since I was 20 and finally stopped coloring my hair last summer--2014, and its taken over a year to grown out.  I decided to forgo the money spent on dye, as well as time, since it was a DIY job and put the money into a really smart looking haircut.  The back of my hair is still dark but the front is white/gray streaks, and I have ended up loving it.  My hair is neither wavy nor straight, but the stylists at Ulta have been awesome at helping me figure it all out.  

I purchased better makeup, brightened it up a little with lipstick and eye makeup for the first time and while I will never have expensive stylish clothing, I can pick well-fitting ones and some great accessories.  For the first time in my life, I actually feel pretty and I have a lot more confidence--which has motivated me to lose almost 20 lbs.  I might have to put pink or purple streaks in sometime or some funky color underneath...but keeping the white. I'm 44 and feel like the best years are ahead!! 

[SKL]

IMO the sooner the better, but then, I have never colored my natural silver highlights (nor has my mom).  :)

 

I honestly don't notice or care what other people do with their hair.  I just see all that maintenance as being a pain in the butt / pocketbook.  My friend colors hers (black) by herself, but she has to keep aware of what her roots are doing or it looks weird.

[Mom-ninja.]

My grandma and great aunt regularly alternate between bright red and deep purple hair. They are now in their 80s. 

[DawnM]

My mom stopped at 80.

[DawnM]

IMO the sooner the better, but then, I have never colored my natural silver highlights (nor has my mom).  :)

 

I honestly don't notice or care what other people do with their hair.  I just see all that maintenance as being a pain in the butt / pocketbook.  My friend colors hers (black) by herself, but she has to keep aware of what her roots are doing or it looks weird.

 

My naturally color is a light auburn/red.  My skin tone is such that grays look very drab on me and wash me out completely (think Irish redhead/freckles).  The grey hair I have makes me look horrible and sallow.  So, no, I won't stop coloring anytime soon.

[KayT]

My mom is 79 and still colors her hair. It makes her look so much younger you would never know she was almost 80! I've had grey hair for years and I don't color mine.

 

I say do what "you" want to do!

[Lizzie in Ma]

I think you should do what makes you happy.  Me, I earned every silver streak and I kind of like them.

[Bluegoat]

I have such mixed feelings about this.  I always thought I would never colour my hair - my mom had great black and silver, and later pure silver, hair.

 

But when mine started to grey, it just looked muddy, so I coloured it.

 

If I let it grow out now, it would be grey I think, but I just don't feel like I am old enough for grey hair - I'm 39.  Of course this is probably in part because so many people colour their hair.

 

I do feel like in many cases, there is a point at which it can look pretty bad to colour.  I've had to start having it done professionally, and if i could not scrape together the money, grey would probably be better than a bottle.  And only some people can carry it off past a certain point - my nana was a natural brunette, but after about 60 she was a blond until she died in her 80's, and it worked for her.  But she was a very glamourous and classy person.

 

I do think though there is a psychological element that relates to acceptance of aging.  Culturally we have a strong tendency i think to want to avoid dealing with growing old and death, and we actually have very few cultural supports for it - we like to pretend the elderly don't exist to a large extent.  I think there is a relationship between coming to terms with no longer being youthful and hiding the signs of aging, and I don't want to short-circuit that for myself.

[Ewe Mama]

I plan to stop when my hair is entirely grey. I'm about 45% grey now. My natural color is a chestnut brown and I dye as closely to it as possible. I look ghastly and washed out when the grey is showing through. My mother colored until fully grey when she was about 57 or so and she looks smashing now with her silver grey hair.

 

Grey hair doesn't bother me. If I could wear it without looking sickly during the transition, I would.

[texasmama]

Whenever she feels like it or never, if that applies.

 

I highighted my gray for many years because my family grays early.  I am 48 and more than 50% gray.  I have streaks of 100% gray.  I have mid-back length hair and a 9 year old.  Not ready to go gray yet.

 

I do think about it sometimes, but when one has long hair, the growing out process seems very difficult.  I know that my hairdresser could help me figure it out, but I would need to chop quite a bit off of my hair to ease the process, and I am not willing to do that currently.  Someday, maybe, but I am still adjusting to my perimenopausal face so I need a minute to get to the place at which gray is okay.

[albeto.]

I do think about it sometimes, but when one has long hair, the growing out process seems very difficult.  I know that my hairdresser could help me figure it out, but I would need to chop quite a bit off of my hair to ease the process, and I am not willing to do that currently.  

 

This is where I am. I think about transitioning, but am not feeling the joy, ifkwim. This last month has certainly helped me Kon Marie the heck out of my mental state. [No joy? No keepy you aroundy! Bye BYE!] I keep flip-flopping between feeling good not spending the time/money at the hairdresser v. feeling good about how my hair looks (or has the potential to look, because if I'm honest, the dang thing is tied in the back of my head and the hell out of my way thankyouverymuch). Meanwhile, the ends look in pretty bad shape and so I haven't highlighted in ages because of it. So my hair looks dull to me. Why go and spend time and money on dull? I'd love to know what you ladies who do color longer hair do to keep the ends from getting damaged. 

[redsquirrel]

This is where I am. I think about transitioning, but am not feeling the joy, ifkwim. This last month has certainly helped me Kon Marie the heck out of my mental state. [No joy? No keepy you aroundy! Bye BYE!] I keep flip-flopping between feeling good not spending the time/money at the hairdresser v. feeling good about how my hair looks (or has the potential to look, because if I'm honest, the dang thing is tied in the back of my head and the hell out of my way thankyouverymuch). Meanwhile, the ends look in pretty bad shape and so I haven't highlighted in ages because of it. So my hair looks dull to me. Why go and spend time and money on dull? I'd love to know what you ladies who do color longer hair do to keep the ends from getting damaged. 

 

Regular trims are a big part of it.  I have to be honest that is the most important part.

 

But you can use a small amount of coconut or olive oil or grape seed oil on your hair when you dye it.  I personally think coconut oil is the best. Just run some through your hair, getting it sort of oily, but not drippy or anything like that.  Then just do your regular dying routine as usual.  The oil will wash out when you wash out the hair dye. Or, you can always add an ounce of your preferred deep conditioner to your regular hair dye. Just shake/mix it in really well.

 

When I dye my hair I do the roots first, let it sit for approx 20 mins, depending on my mood. Then I top off the dye with a neutral protein filler or bottled distilled water (they do different things) and apply/comb through the rest of my hair.

 

I also like to use a ph corrector after I wash the dye out.  You can buy it at Sally's here:

http://www.sallybeauty.com/after-color-treatment/ION130,default,pd.html#q=after+color&prefn1=brand&prefv1=ION&start=2

 

It makes your hair cuticle go back to being flat, not all fluffed up, after dying. It makes your hair smoother and keeps the colour in longer.  You wash the dye out, put the treatment in, leave it for 2 mins or so and then continue on with your regular routine.

[Guest]

 I also hear the trash about women having to cut their hair short after a certain age. That is BS propaganda by the salons to get women into the salons more. Short hair is higher maintenance to keep a style. Women who keep their hair long, get it cut at home as well as colored as I do, are not pumping any money into their business. I understand they want to stay employed, but I spend local, just not at the salon, and whether I spend it dining out or on clothes, shoes, etc. is my choice.

 

saywhatnow

 

MANY people have hair that changes not just in color, but texture as well as they age, and for many of those textural changes, short hair looks far better and is needs ton less daily maintenance to look presentable.

 

It's cool (and expected) that you have different priorities and, indeed, needs for your own hair. I am glad for you that your guy lets you henna your long hair.

 

But throwing the whole salon industry under the bus here is factually inaccurate, uncalled-for and, frankly, ignorant of the variations of hair care wants and needs.

[Guest]

Albeto--bi-weekly trims. I used to work at a very spendy salon and while some were (understandably I GUESSSSS) agog at the price, color clients got free weekly trims. Most ppl only bothered every other week though, and it was sufficient. This is mostly used by ppl who *do* their hair every day (professionals//particularly dedicated folks) , but it definitely keeps the hair looking 100% all of the time!

 

Barring that, having a proper cut and color in the first place, basic care (don't brush it wet etc) and.....the things no one wants to hear!!.....god self-care (nutrtion, sleep, etc) and plain ol' good luck, genetically speaking.

[redsquirrel]

saywhatnow

 

MANY people have hair that changes not just in color, but texture as well as they age, and for many of those textural changes, short hair looks far better and is needs ton less daily maintenance to look presentable.

 

It's cool (and expected) that you have different priorities and, indeed, needs for your own hair. I am glad for you that your guy lets you henna your long hair.

 

But throwing the whole salon industry under the bus here is factually inaccurate, uncalled-for and, frankly, ignorant of the variations of hair care wants and needs.

 

You know, I agree with you except for the bolded. 

 

I would hope every woman here, and in the world, is free to wear her hair how she likes, depending on her own personal tastes and what is available/affordable. I would hate to think anyone's 'guy' is giving permission for said hairstyle. I dye my hair and keep it long because it is how I like to wear my hair.  My partner doesn't get a vote, nor does he give permission. I recently cut off about 10 inches and it never occurred to me to ask him what he thought about it before I did it. He certainly didn't 'let' me do it.

 

And yes, it isn't uncommon as we age for hair to change radically.  I have gone from silky straight thick hair to a curly mop.  In the past 2 years I have had to learn how to deal with an entirely different head of hair. It required a different hair cut and an entirely different way of styling.  If i let it grow too much I can look like what someone here called "Crazy herbalist grandma". So, it's shorter than it was, but still long enough to braid. That had nothing to do with pressure from the beauty industrial comples and everything to do with my new middle aged hair.

 

[Guest]

You know, I agree with you except for the bolded. 

 

I would hope every woman here, and in the world, is free to wear her hair how she likes, depending on her own personal tastes and what is available/affordable. I would hate to think anyone's 'guy' is giving permission for said hairstyle. I dye my hair and keep it long because it is how I like to wear my hair.  My partner doesn't get a vote, nor does he give permission. I recently cut off about 10 inches and it never occurred to me to ask him what he thought about it before I did it. He certainly didn't 'let' me do it.

 

And yes, it isn't uncommon as we age for hair to change radically.  I have gone from silky straight thick hair to a curly mop.  In the past 2 years I have had to learn how to deal with an entirely different head of hair. It required a different hair cut and an entirely different way of styling.  If i let it grow too much I can look like what someone here called "Crazy herbalist grandma". So, it's shorter than it was, but still long enough to braid. That had nothing to do with pressure from the beauty industrial comples and everything to do with my new middle aged hair.

 

 

Ai.

 

Agree!

[momofkhm]

I think there comes a time when everyone knows that she is coloring her hair.  That's when she should start to transition to a lighter color and then transition to not coloring.  And by know she is coloring her hair because no one x age has that color hair.

 

There is a lady at church that colors her hair.  Her hubby is bald.  I never see roots but you know there is no one her age who has hair that color.

 

Then my mom is 70 and still colors her hair.  She gets a box.  She has transitioned to a lighter color.  So it's not red/auburn any more; it's almost blond now.  But definitely not grey.

 

Then I have a friend who is maybe 5 years older than I am.  She is starting to transition her hair as well.  It's not black anymore; it's like a medium brown.

 

Then me.  I'm 45 and don't color my hair.  The greys annoy me.  But I'm not willing to spend the money.  I've thought about using black tea, but I don't want it dark, I just want to cover the grey.  Sometimes.

[Carol in Cal.]

The question for most people isn't 'do people know she is coloring her hair' but rather 'does she look better with her hair colored or not?'

[HeWillSoar]

I said "whenever she wants" because it's up to the individual but for me, although I hate coloring and try to go as long as possible in between colors, I am not ready to go gray in my 40's. 

[Rebel Yell]

"Other."

 

You're assuming that everyone who has grey hair colors it/covers it up.

 

I am about 40% grey, and do not color it.  My natural hair color is dark brown, BTW.

[Matryoshka]

I think there comes a time when everyone knows that she is coloring her hair.  That's when she should start to transition to a lighter color and then transition to not coloring.  And by know she is coloring her hair because no one x age has that color hair.

 

Well, at least not without a little grey.  But my dad is 80 this year, and his hair is still jet black.  Naturally.  His eyebrows have lots of crazy grey and white mixed in, and he has some greying at the temples, but pretty much the rest of his hair is black.  My maternal grandfather was the same.  I'm really hoping that with it on both sides I will manage to be the first female I know in the family to pull this off.  So far, so good (I'm 50 and am just now seeing some grey strands that I'm plucking).  Honestly, I'm probably waaay to lazy to keep up with anything fancy - I've never done anything to my hair other than wash it.  I'm still somewhat hopeful, but the stray strands are starting to become more numerous... how quickly does this tend to accelerate?  If it ends up just at the temples like my dad, I'll probably just deal with it...

 

My hair is brown with reddish highlights, so the henna which comes in a variety of colors, really made my hair look fantastic. He mixed cider vinegar and coconut oil in the mix so I would get a deep conditioning as well. The henna covers the gray better than box dyes and it leaves my hair soft and the shine just pops.

 

Unless I could get henna to work.  Lisa, may I ask what kind of henna you're using that it comes out so great?  The one and only time I've tried to do anything to my hair was in college, and I tried henna.  I even left it on longer than it said.  End result... hair looked exactly the same as before I put it on.  My hair is very dark brown - my kids say it's black.  It always did have reddish highlights in the sun, so I was hopeful.  But nothing.  I was wondering if maybe there was a better kind that could do something to darker hair (or darker hair with some grey later??)

 

And yes, it isn't uncommon as we age for hair to change radically.  I have gone from silky straight thick hair to a curly mop.

 

And this problem, although mine is in the opposite direction.  My hair as a child was straight, but at puberty it got curly and then settled down to very wavy, which was so nice because my hair has always been fine and silky, and not much of it - the wave gave it volume and made it not look so sparse.  But now as I'm getting older and the hormones are shutting back down, it's gotten pretty straight again, and if anything thinner.  It's starting to look a bit bla and stringy.  I have no idea what I'll do with it if it gets too thin to be worn to my shoulders...  there isn't enough of it to get any kind of 'hairstyle'.  And it's so thin and silky (at least the non-white ones, but again, those are still very few) that it won't hold any kind of style. :glare:   My mom ended up going with the poodle 'do set and curl.  I absolutely refuse to do that...

[Audrey]

IMO, if you're talking about dyeing it a natural colour, then do it as long as you want.  Unnatural colours (pink, purple, blue, etc), though, don't look good once you're past your 30's.  TBTH, I don't think they ever really look good, but youth, and cartoons, can get away with it a lot easier.

[zoobie]

My step grandmother didn't start getting grays until she was over 80. She had gorgeous, glossy brown, almost black hair. People assumed she dyed it and would beg her for her hairdresser's information because it looked so good! Her eyebrows are still very dark and she's mostly dark-haired at 95. Soooo...dye as long as you want. There are 10 year olds with purple hair. It's not about realism I don't think. ;)

[Audrey]

"Other."

 

You're assuming that everyone who has grey hair colors it/covers it up.

 

I am about 40% grey, and do not color it.  My natural hair color is dark brown, BTW.

 

She didn't assume that at all.  She specifically said:

 

"This is not about whether or not one should cover the gray hair, but if one does when it should stop."

[Matryoshka]

IMO, if you're talking about dyeing it a natural colour, then do it as long as you want.  Unnatural colours (pink, purple, blue, etc), though, don't look good once you're past your 30's.  TBTH, I don't think they ever really look good, but youth, and cartoons, can get away with it a lot easier.

 

As I already pointed out, I'm waaaay to lazy to do anything at all to my own hair, but I think I've been warming to funky colors on some others.

 

I have an acquaintance who's about my age and whose hair has ended up that lovely silvery white.  She cut it in a bob and had a cute purple streak.  I thought it was fun!

 

My dd14 has a friend who's been dying her hair teal for so long I barely think I'd know what it looks like another color.  She recently did the ends purple - it looks pretty cool.... wow, what's up with me, am I becoming less stuffy with old age?  Next thing you know I'll find a tattoo I don't hate... :lol:

 

And Audrey, I always think your hair is green!  Thank your avatar... ;)

 

[marbel]

I think there comes a time when everyone knows that she is coloring her hair.  That's when she should start to transition to a lighter color and then transition to not coloring.  And by know she is coloring her hair because no one x age has that color hair.

 

There is a lady at church that colors her hair.  Her hubby is bald.  I never see roots but you know there is no one her age who has hair that color.

 

<snip>

 

Well, that's not necessarily true.  But even if so, I don't know that it matters.  I don't really critique peoples' hair color, kwim? 

 

I'm not getting the connection between the woman with unnaturally-colored hair and the bald husband. :-) 

 

[IfIOnly]

The thing I don't think is flattering is not dyeing  hair at least a couple shades lighter as you age. Really dark hair on older women looks stark and washes them out and looks unnatural. If it's naturally still dark, usually it's going to look softer and have natural highlights and color variation, maybe with some gray here and there. 

[Audrey]

 

And Audrey, I always think your hair is green!  Thank your avatar... ;)

 

 

That's Cartoon-Me.  Live-Action-Me is blond. 

[TranquilMind]

When she is too tired to lift her arms above her head and just doesn't want to bother. 

 

Some people are blessed with gorgeous, thick, shiny silver hair. If I had that, I'd let it go now.   Mine is thinner and a weird mix of colors. 

 

 

[katilac]

I think there comes a time when everyone knows that she is coloring her hair.  That's when she should start to transition to a lighter color and then transition to not coloring.  

 

 I don't think that keeping hair coloring a secret is really a thing anymore. "Does she or doesn't she?" fell by the wayside decades ago.  

 

 

Say it ain't so!  I've been thinking of getting some pink, maybe blue... or purple... underlights to my grey hair!  I've seen it on a few women, and I think it looks neat-o!

 

It ain't so! Lots of the moms in my circle add streaks of wild color, and my dd's grandmotherly driving teacher had purple bangs. My kids thought she was awesome.

[Tammi K]

I said 'Obligatory other' because i didn't know she needed to start. :001_cool:  

 

(Says the woman who didn't have a single gray hair until child number 6 entered this world.  I keep the gray so I can always point to my head to show him what he's done.  :001_rolleyes: ) 

[texasmama]

Personal attack reported.

[8circles]

Wtf

[redsquirrel]

lol, well that was amusing 

 

Alright, I'm not feeding the trolls....

 

 

Anyway,

 

Helen Mirren dyed her white hair pink for a little while and it looked wonderful.  Of course I ain't no Helen Mirren...

[redsquirrel]

I want to set that to music and turn it into one of those songs, like the theme from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

 

Hide your kids, hide your wife

 

 

Heterosexual woman don't got time for that lesbian crap....

 

I'm going to be humming that all day. 

[Audrey]

Hmm. That was unexpected. 

[Audrey]

lol, well that was amusing 

 

Alright, I'm not feeding the trolls....

 

 

Anyway,

 

Helen Mirren dyed her white hair pink for a little while and it looked wonderful.  Of course I ain't no Helen Mirren...

 

Helen Mirren could shave her head bald, dye her scalp turquoise and wear a Wookie-fur tuxedo and still look wonderful.

[Seasider]

Hmm. That was unexpected.

To say the least.

 

Really, what *does* one say to such a diatribe?

(Thanks, texasmama, for reporting)

[kitten18]

Wow. That was exciting.

[Audrey]

To say the least.

 

Really, what *does* one say to such a diatribe?

(Thanks, texasmama, for reporting)

 

 

I feel that a "bless your heart" might be appropriate, but would require actually addressing the ... whatever the heck that was.

[IfIOnly]

Well, at least not without a little grey. But my dad is 80 this year, and his hair is still jet black. Naturally. His eyebrows have lots of crazy grey and white mixed in, and he has some greying at the temples, but pretty much the rest of his hair is black. My maternal grandfather was the same. I'm really hoping that with it on both sides I will manage to be the first female I know in the family to pull this off. So far, so good (I'm 50 and am just now seeing some grey strands that I'm plucking). Honestly, I'm probably waaay to lazy to keep up with anything fancy - I've never done anything to my hair other than wash it. I'm still somewhat hopeful, but the stray strands are starting to become more numerous... how quickly does this tend to accelerate? If it ends up just at the temples like my dad, I'll probably just deal with it...

 

 

Unless I could get henna to work. Lisa, may I ask what kind of henna you're using that it comes out so great? The one and only time I've tried to do anything to my hair was in college, and I tried henna. I even left it on longer than it said. End result... hair looked exactly the same as before I put it on. My hair is very dark brown - my kids say it's black. It always did have reddish highlights in the sun, so I was hopeful. But nothing. I was wondering if maybe there was a better kind that could do something to darker hair (or darker hair with some grey later??)

 

 

And this problem, although mine is in the opposite direction. My hair as a child was straight, but at puberty it got curly and then settled down to very wavy, which was so nice because my hair has always been fine and silky, and not much of it - the wave gave it volume and made it not look so sparse. But now as I'm getting older and the hormones are shutting back down, it's gotten pretty straight again, and if anything thinner. It's starting to look a bit bla and stringy. I have no idea what I'll do with it if it gets too thin to be worn to my shoulders... there isn't enough of it to get any kind of 'hairstyle'. And it's so thin and silky (at least the non-white ones, but again, those are still very few) that it won't hold any kind of style. :glare: My mom ended up going with the poodle 'do set and curl. I absolutely refuse to do that...

I just wanted to answer your henna question. There is a huge quality difference from what you can buy in the box at the HFS to what henna and other plant dyes can be ordered online. Huge!

[Matryoshka]

I just wanted to answer your henna question. There is a huge quality difference from what you can buy in the box at the HFS to what henna and other plant dyes can be ordered online. Huge!

Any brand you'd suggest? I have a feeling I'm not going to get an answer from that other poster... she seems to have moved on to other topics... :lol:

[IfIOnly]

Any brand you'd suggest? I have a feeling I'm not going to get an answer from that other poster... she seems to have moved on to other topics... :lol:

Haha!

 

Yes, I do. When dh's off the PC, I'll post some links.

[Arcadia]

Haha!

 

Yes, I do. When dh's off the PC, I'll post some links.

Curiosity question: does dyeing with henna makes gray hair have a purplish tinge when the person stop dyeing? Some of my former neighbors use henna for many years and their hair has this tinge when they didn't dye.

 

Kind of like henna drawings on the hands change color when fading.

[Susan Wise Bauer]

(The troll is gone now.)

[JadeOrchidSong]

I think that is up to the woman. I agree that it has more to do with the shade than the actual use of dye itself.

 

I do my own hair so it is very economical. I buy professional products and it looks fine. Most people don't even know that I dye it.

 

I have seen bad dye jobs, those that are too harsh for an older complexion, but that is about it. If a woman or a man is aware of that, if they want to continue to cover their grey but maintaining a more flattering lighter shade, then that is up to them.

Can you link the brand you buy? I am tired of the henna indigo two step coloring though I have only done it twice. Thanks!

[Katy]

I've got a relative in her late 70's who still does blonde.  She looks great.

 

And a lot of women who do go gray STILL color their hair, they just do toners and such to get the yellow out and make it a prettier, silver gray.

[MrsWeasley]

My mother is 60 and still dyes her hair to cover her grey, and I think this still looks good on her.

Edited February 10, 2016 by MrsWeasley

[KayT]

whenever she damn well pleases

THIS!

My mom is 79 and has always colored her hair. I can't imagine her any other way.

I am about 1/3 gray and don't color mine. 

 

Live and let live. :coolgleamA: