Send part of the family on international extended family trip?

[Melinda in VT]

Here's the situation. We live across the country from family. We see my husband's parents at least once a year (often 2 or 3 times), but our kids don't see cousins very often.

 

My MIL and FIL are treating everyone to a trip to Mexico to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in June of 2016. However, they scheduled the trip for the week of my kids' public high school finals.

 

DH told them we couldn't go, but they have been strongly encouraging DH to go with our youngest, who is in elementary school and could miss the last week of school with no long-term consequences. The high schoolers and I would stay behind. DH is self-employed and can work from anywhere, so vacation time is not an issue.

 

It turns out that one family of cousins might also have to miss (they are moving oversees and will still be in school then as well).

 

None of our kids are deprived of travel. They will all spend 3 weeks in Denmark next summer. However, the kids have never been to Mexico, and they have never been to an all-expenses-paid resort, so this trip will be unique in those respects.

 

I'm having a hard time seeing this objectively, so I'm hoping you can help me gain perspective. What would you do?

[katilac]

Yes, I would encourage them to go, particularly as your kids do have other travel opportunities. 

 

 

[HelenNotOfTroy]

If they really wanted your family to go, they would have consulted about timing to avoid cutting into school.

 

ETA: Your DH told them no. They need to respect his decision regarding your family.

[catz]

Why on earth would they plan it the last week of school?  That makes no sense.  Even if an elementary age kid COULD miss the last week, that's often the most fun week of the year for kids at school?  I'd want to say no.

 

ETA - I'd have no problem separating the family for a good reason.  This just seems like poor planning on their part and I'd be irritated.

 

ETA 2 - schools where we are always get out mid June too.

[Pam in CT]

We've done all sorts of combinations with one parent/one or two of our three children over the years, for various reasons -- different kids' school schedules, opportunistic tagging-along-Daddy's business trip (which among other things requires that the kid be old enough to be left alone in a strange place), age requirements for particular types of trips (this summer I did a Habitat build with my two olders; my youngest wasn't old enough and so got Left Behind), etc.  Now that my eldest is college-age, we very often can't take her on family trips for schedule reasons.

 

If it happens regularly, the kids more or less get that it balances out in the long run and don't feel deprived, like one kid is getting something special that the others don't.  If this is a once-in-a-lifetime aberration from your usual family norm, it might be a different feel.

 

 

It does sound like maybe this event hasn't been planned for a good time?  I realize the nightmare of coordinating multiple families' schedule, but it might be worth rethinking the date (?).

[Lolly]

Why on earth would they plan it the last week of school?  That makes no sense.  Even if an elementary age kid COULD miss the last week, that's often the most fun week of the year for kids at school?  I'd want to say no.

 

ETA - I'd have no problem separating the family for a good reason.  This just seems like poor planning on their part and I'd be irritated.

I don't know, I would never think about kids still being in school in June!

 

I'd send dh. Ds could decide if he wanted trip or last week of school. Then again, I'd probably decide to go myself which would mean young ds would need to go too.

[marbel]

If they really wanted your family to go, they would have consulted about timing to avoid cutting into school.

 

 

Why on earth would they plan it the last week of school?  That makes no sense.  Even if an elementary age kid COULD miss the last week, that's often the most fun week of the year for kids at school?  I'd want to say no.

 

This is what I was thinking.  I admit I'd be a bit peeved about the timing, but I could see my in-laws doing such a thing without regard to our schedules.  I'd be disinclined to go BUT it depends on your overall relationship, and how the older kids feel about it.  

 

ETA: Schools where I live get out in mid-June.

 

ETA2:  I'd be more understanding about it if that was the best date for the majority of the people involved.   But it doesn't sound as if they consulted on dates beforehand anyway?  I know how hard it can be to get multiple families together. 

 

 

[EKS]

I think your husband should go alone (they're his parents and it is their anniversary).

 

Is it possible that your in laws scheduled the trip when they did so that they could get points for offering to treat everyone without having to actually *pay* for everyone (because school aged kids and at least one parent wouldn't come)?

[City Mouse]

My DH frequently travels without me as our work/vacation schedules to not work well together.

Unless there is some reason you need him to stay home that particular week, I would encourage your DH to attend his parents anniversary, and if he can take one kid with him, that is all the better. My kids never got a chance for any one-on-one time traveling with dad, and I think it is a great opportunity.

 

Sure, it is a little irritating that they did not consider your family's school schedule, but maybe they did not have a lot of chioce or wanted to celebrate on their actual anniversary. My own parents wanted to have a party for their 50th, but due to the date (late August) the two families with teachers and grandkids would not have been able to attend. My parents decided to travel alone, but I know my mom was disappointed not to have the big party that is part of her family tradition.

[73349]

Is it possible for your older kids to ask to take the exams the week before so that they can still go?

[JustEm]

I'd likely be going with dh and ds if I were you. I'd even see if the other kids could do their finals a week earlier. Not all schools will accommodate but it doesn't hurt to ask.

[Pam in CT]

Added - I would definitely encourage your husband to go.  It's his parents' anniversary!  For me the only question would be about the kids.

[Carol in Cal.]

A 50th anniversary is a once in a lifetime thing.  Most people don't live to see their 60th.  I'd move mountains to all go.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Would there be friction between kids if one went and the others didn't?  If no, then I'd say to send the 10 year old.  

[zoobie]

No. If they wanted your family to be there, they would've asked before planning. Asking just your DH to come with one child makes it seem as though they are intentionally excluding you and/or the older kids.

 

Exceptions:

**They won a week for 15 at a resort but only the week of June 1.

 

**They asked all the family which weeks were good and this one had the least genuine conflicts for the family. It would stink, but I have 4 kids and understand that if I were planning this 30some years from now, all 4 kids and their families might not be able to drop everything at my behest. ;)

 

**Someone else were throwing them an anniversary party in their hometown and scheduling was beyond their control. Send DH and DS to represent.

 

Otherwise, asking DH to come sit on a beach (leaving you and some kids home doing daily grind) and sip Mai Tais for a week is not "celebrating their anniversary."

[Melinda in VT]

I think your husband should go alone (they're his parents and it is their anniversary).

 

Is it possible that your in laws scheduled the trip when they did so that they could get points for offering to treat everyone without having to actually *pay* for everyone (because school aged kids and at least one parent wouldn't come)?

 

Not likely, although the fact that they got a deal for this particular week is a good part of the reason they booked this week even knowing it would likely conflict with the last week of school.

 

(If we have no more than one snow day this year--never happened in the 14 years we've lived here--then my kids would be out of school. However, we won't know the last day of school until mid-April, and ILs need to pay for the tour before then.)

[Mabelen]

I would insist on dh going and would encourage younger child too. It may be inconvenient but it is an important anniversary and a family reunion and sometimes those are hard to pull of to accommodate everyone. We are taking our middle schooler out one week early this Christmas break to attend my father in law's 90th bday. It is inconvenient because she will have to make up the work plus we will all be back with only one day to recover from traveling half way across the globe and a 12 hour time difference before we go back to school and work.

[Pam in CT]

...

**They asked all the family which weeks were good and this one had the least genuine conflicts for the family. It would stink, but I have 4 kids and understand that if I were planning this 30some years from now, all 4 kids and their families might not be able to drop everything at my behest. ;)

 

...

 

I guess I presumed that the anniversary couple *did* make genuine good faith well-in-advance efforts to coordinate schedules.

 

It's a nightmare.  I've done it on both sides of our extended families, and it's a nightmare, no-win, thankless task that is pretty much BOUND to leave some part of the family disgruntled.  

 

My aunt and uncle celebrated their 55th (  :party:  ) this summer.  They started planning a similar big-trip excursion 2 years in advance.  Even that backfired, because families didn't know their (travel sports-related,  teen/college summer job) conflicts that far in advance!!  :lol:  And inevitably some families work really hard to minimize what they count as a "conflict" (i.e., final exams) while others throw in goalie-clinic-week and little-Susie-wants-to-try-theater-camp-this-summer and Uncle Bill's annual workplace picnic as "conflicts."  Extended family relationships take work, and not everyone invests equally.

 

 

A 50th anniversary is a big deal.  Honoring parents is a big deal.  Your husband should IMO invest.  The kids' question depends on your family norms.

[Ottakee]

Can your kids arrange to take their finals early? We did that last year with 2 of our kids.

[Melinda in VT]

I guess I presumed that the anniversary couple *did* make genuine good faith well-in-advance efforts to coordinate schedules.

 

 

Not so much, no. They did look at the school schedule posted by the district, but they did not ask us about the dates until they had the big announcement to everyone.

 

I believe they had consulted with at least one of their kids. The week they picked works well for her.

[Melinda in VT]

Can your kids arrange to take their finals early? We did that last year with 2 of our kids.

 

DH and I are reluctant to do that. On his part, it's because his parents *never* would have let him miss finals week for a trip, so it feels hypocritical. On my part, it's because I don't think it's fair to make the teachers accommodate this and because one of our kids tends to struggle at the end of the year (still working on executive functioning and those skills tend to wear out in advance of the school year ending) and often needs that extra time. And, if I'm honest, because I'm irritated and hurt that they didn't try to work out a better week with us.

 

Hence my turning to the Hive for a perspective check.

 

Any other week, and I'd go.

[Seasider]

A couple of my kids went to a school comprised of families that traveled often internationally. The teachers were always flexible about allowing kids to sit for exams early. Is that a possibility for your students? I know it may be hard to determine something like that at this point in the year, but it couldn't hurt to ask their instructors and administration before deciding yeah or may on the trip. Perhaps even ask about an alternative to the final exam, a research paper or project that could be turned in early? I would be reluctant to have the kids skip the opportunity.

 

As for the gp's "not wanting" the kids because they didn't ask for dates first - that is kind of a leap. Having gp's on both sides of the clueless vs strategic coin, I would guess they just went for a less expensive shoulder season for traveling with a large group that they are treating.

[KungFuPanda]

Not so much, no. They did look at the school schedule posted by the district, but they did not ask us about the dates until they had the big announcement to everyone.

 

I believe they had consulted with at least one of their kids. The week they picked works well for her.

It sounds like they DID check the school schedule and didn't maliciously plan for when your kids would be unavailable. Talk to your kids' teachers now and explain the situation. There is a very high likelihood that they can test the week before or after (teachers are usually there after the students) if the dates get moved for snow. Also, if they can't go, you should consider going and getting someone to stay with your teens to feed and chauffeur them. They won't need you to watch them study. Once they're in college, this will be your new normal, so a few days apart now shouldn't be a huge deal. I wouldn't say no without talking to each teacher directly.

[Seasider]

Not likely, although the fact that they got a deal for this particular week is a good part of the reason they booked this week even knowing it would likely conflict with the last week of school.

 

(If we have no more than one snow day this year--never happened in the 14 years we've lived here--then my kids would be out of school. However, we won't know the last day of school until mid-April, and ILs need to pay for the tour before then.)

Note to self - when I am a grandparent, I will check dates first. In the event you describe above, I will pay then pray for no snow days.

[Starr]

You aren't going and the older kids aren't going so let your dh decide how important it is to him. Relatives...try not to overthink it.  :grouphug:

[Luanne]

No. If they wanted your family to be there, they would've asked before planning. Asking just your DH to come with one child makes it seem as though they are intentionally excluding you and/or the older kids.

 

Exceptions:

**They won a week for 15 at a resort but only the week of June 1.

 

**They asked all the family which weeks were good and this one had the least genuine conflicts for the family. It would stink, but I have 4 kids and understand that if I were planning this 30some years from now, all 4 kids and their families might not be able to drop everything at my behest. ;)

 

**Someone else were throwing them an anniversary party in their hometown and scheduling was beyond their control. Send DH and DS to represent.

 

Otherwise, asking DH to come sit on a beach (leaving you and some kids home doing daily grind) and sip Mai Tais for a week is not "celebrating their anniversary."

 

My parents tried to accommodate everyone when they had their 50th anniversary.  It ended up being my nephews and niece had to miss some of their activities.  Depending on how large the family is, it may be impossible to adjust to every single person you want to be there.

[Kathryn]

So they checked the school's calendar and it was okay for the dates they booked but you think snow days will make it not okay? I'd try as hard as I could to have everyone go.

[Melinda in VT]

So they checked the school's calendar and it was okay for the dates they booked but you think snow days will make it not okay? I'd try as hard as I could to have everyone go.

 

The school calendar marks the first possible last day of school and the last possible last day of school. They saw both days marked.

 

They said they thought since the kids were "so little" (they are sophomores), they could miss.

[barnwife]

Well, we were planning a family get together for my grandparents' 50th. We planned way out for a time that worked for most of the family. 

And then my grandma passed away 2 months before it. The gathering definitely had a bittersweet tone, but I am so grateful for it.

Like a pp, I'd be moving heaven and earth to allow the whole family to attend.

[Pam in CT]

... They did look at the school schedule posted by the district, but they did not ask us about the dates until they had the big announcement to everyone.

 

I believe they had consulted with at least one of their kids. The week they picked works well for her.

Ah.  So they may not have understood the snow day make-up drill, and thought they had reliable information?  In that case...

 

 

It sounds like they DID check the school schedule and didn't maliciously plan for when your kids would be unavailable. Talk to your kids' teachers now and explain the situation. There is a very high likelihood that they can test the week before or after (teachers are usually there after the students) if the dates get moved for snow. Also, if they can't go, you should consider going and getting someone to stay with your teens to feed and chauffeur them. They won't need you to watch them study. Once they're in college, this will be your new normal, so a few days apart now shouldn't be a huge deal. I wouldn't say no without talking to each teacher directly.

...If I were in your shoes, I think I'd try to put myself into the bolded state of mind (whether or not it's true, it's tactical).

 

Under these circumstances, many schools (not all) will try to accommodate, especially for something as substantive as a 50th.

 

If not, I would consider sending the high schoolers a couple of days (that's all it's likely to be, right?) late.  High schoolers can manage such a logistic, especially since you've said they are accustomed to travel.

 

 

DH and I are reluctant to do that. On his part, it's because his parents *never* would have let him miss finals week for a trip, so it feels hypocritical. On my part, it's because I don't think it's fair to make the teachers accommodate this and because one of our kids tends to struggle at the end of the year (still working on executive functioning and those skills tend to wear out in advance of the school year ending) and often needs that extra time. And, if I'm honest, because I'm irritated and hurt that they didn't try to work out a better week with us.

 

Hence my turning to the Hive for a perspective check.

 

Any other week, and I'd go.

 

If you really mean the latter -- any other week, and you'd go -- then (gently) try to let go of the former baggage.  Extended family relationships take work.  Not for the faint-hearted or thin-skinned!  :lol:

 

Your struggling high schooler's views on the matter are something to talk to him/her about.

 

 

 

My parents tried to accommodate everyone when they had their 50th anniversary.  It ended up being my nephews and niece had to miss some of their activities.  Depending on how large the family is, it may be impossible to adjust to every single person you want to be there.

This has been our experience on both sides of the family, no matter how hard and early the consultation and planning process starts.

[Lolly]

Not so much, no. They did look at the school schedule posted by the district, but they did not ask us about the dates until they had the big announcement to everyone.

 

I believe they had consulted with at least one of their kids. The week they picked works well for her

 

Gently...Melinda, it sounds like you have some previous hurt you might be nursing here. Perhaps you are looking to be offended? They did check your dc's school schedule. They chose a date that should work. If your school system goes over the number of snow dates allotted every single year, or even a majority of them, they need to revise the way they make their calendar. A calendar that is never followed is not a good system. They should allot the number of days that school us usually out for snow. Given that, I would discuss this with your dc and their teachers now. I would make every effort for as many dc to attend as teachers will allow. Not to mention, this may not even be an issue.

[Alice]

I would definitely have dh and the 10 year old go. I would probably be a bit hurt as well but would try to get over that. A 50th anniversary is a big deal and it sounds like they tried to think about other people's schedules even if they didn't do a perfect job of doing that. I think it's worth your husband going and taking your youngest, especially as it won't cost your family anything or it sounds like take away from dh's vacation time. 

 

If it works out that the rest of you can go, I think that would be great. If not, let it be a special time for youngest and Dad together. 

[Pam in CT]

... If your school system goes over the number of snow dates allotted every single year, or even a majority of them, they need to revise the way they make their calendar. A calendar that is never followed is not a good system. They should allot the number of days that school us usually out for snow. Given that, I would discuss this with your dc and their teachers now. I would make every effort for as many dc to attend as teachers will allow. Not to mention, this may not even be an issue.

 

Somewhat OT, but many districts in the Northeast do the school calendars this way -- an "earliest possible" finish date based on 0 snow days, and a "latest possible" finish date even if that means the district doesn't get in the state-mandated 180 days.  Here in CT, it's an accommodation, delicately negotiated, between the unions (the teachers want to know the last possible date they'll be contractually obligated to work) and the state (which requires 180 days except under very specific circumstances).  

 

Families who live within the district are well-drilled on exactly what it means and can plan accordingly (ie you don't pre-pay for trips to Mexico until after the last frost, but you might have a half-plan, cancelable, to drive down to the Jersey Shore to stay at a friends' house).

 

But it's pretty confusing for people outside the system.

[marbel]

They checked the school calendar?    I don't know, I'm trying not to read too much into this other than what the OP has presented, but I can't even imagine checking the school calendar rather than just asking the parents.   

[Melinda in VT]

Gently...Melinda, it sounds like you have some previous hurt you might be nursing here. Perhaps you are looking to be offended? They did check your dc's school schedule. They chose a date that should work. If your school system goes over the number of snow dates allotted every single year, or even a majority of them, they need to revise the way they make their calendar. A calendar that is never followed is not a good system. They should allot the number of days that school us usually out for snow. Given that, I would discuss this with your dc and their teachers now. I would make every effort for as many dc to attend as teachers will allow. Not to mention, this may not even be an issue.

 

I really appreciate you (and others) who are pointing this out. Although I don't think I am looking to be offended, this is a sensitive area, and I needed to be called on that.

 

And I'm realizing that our school calendar is perhaps legitimately confusing to people who don't live here.

 

We never know the last day of school until mid-April. It is common knowledge that we get out after 180 days, but that the exact date could shift by up to a week. Hence the district marking the first possible last day of school, each possible overflow day, and the last possible last day of school. *We* all know what that the first last day is never the actual last day, but you have helped me accept that what is obvious to us is possibly not obvious to those who only hear about our school schedules.

[Cammie]

I would send DH and 10 year old, no hesitation.  Great trip, time with the family, no issues about exams.  They should get to go and have a great time!

 

It is unfortunately that in life we cannot always do EVERYTHING we want to do.  I would understand it if the HS kids were disappointed but...thats life.  Exams are important.  Trips are a perk.

 

I would be a little bummed that I couldn't go...but that wouldn't last long.

 

I have sent DD and DH to Leh and Ladakh (here in the Himalayas) while DS and I stayed home because he had school.  It was a fabulous bonding opportunity for the two of them.

[Word Nerd]

Not likely, although the fact that they got a deal for this particular week is a good part of the reason they booked this week even knowing it would likely conflict with the last week of school.

 

(If we have no more than one snow day this year--never happened in the 14 years we've lived here--then my kids would be out of school. However, we won't know the last day of school until mid-April, and ILs need to pay for the tour before then.)

 

So you're worried they'll have finals on the very last day or two of school? That seems highly unlikely, at least in my experience.

[Melinda in VT]

So you're worried they'll have finals on the very last day or two of school? That seems highly unlikely, at least in my experience.

 

Finals are the last four days of school. Always. (This is our sixth year of having a student at this high school.)

[Word Nerd]

Finals are the last four days of school. Always. (This is our sixth year of having a student at this high school.)

 

In that case I'd plan on taking everyone and make arrangements for them to take finals early if necessary.

[myfunnybunch]

I guess I presumed that the anniversary couple *did* make genuine good faith well-in-advance efforts to coordinate schedules.

 

It's a nightmare.  I've done it on both sides of our extended families, and it's a nightmare, no-win, thankless task that is pretty much BOUND to leave some part of the family disgruntled.  

 

 

This. For sure. I've always finally ended up picking a date or making a decision and figuring I'll just have to deal with the folks who are unhappy about it. Trying to schedule anything for a large group is super difficult, and this trip is supposed to be about the anniversary couple, who has offered to pay the way of anyone who can come. That's very generous. :)

 

And they're not as familiar with the finals schedule as you are because they don't need to be. They are so many years from having to worry about things like finals that probably it wasn't first and foremost on their list of considerations. That's your job as parents, and presumably they trust you to make good decisions for your kids because they aren't trying to stick their fingers (or their schedule) in that pie. My kids have many friends in ps, so we're somewhat familiar with the testing schedule, and it wouldn't occur to me that finals might be held the last week of school, because here they're held the week before and the last week is all grading and graduation and wrapping up the year.

 

:grouphug:  I know in-law issues can be fraught with history, so there may be more to it, but all things considered, I'd see if there's a way for the older kids to take finals early and go on the trip. If not, I'd tell the olders that everything can't be equal all the time, isn't it cool that youngest gets to do something neat with dad and grandparents, and happily send the younger with your dh and celebrate the opportunity for them to do something special together.

[Amira]

We deal with these sorts of things a lot because our schedule doesn't match the rest of the family's, on either side.  First, we decide how much we want to go to the event.  Nearly always our desire to go is outweighed by the expense and hassle of getting there so we don't worry about it.  If we do really want to go, then we try to figure out how to make it possible for some or all of us to go.  I don't have any problem with just part of the family going to something like this.  I think it's also very possible to ask the school to work with you and I'd consider this specific event worth the hassle (unless, of course, I didn't want to go).

 

There is no possible way to accommodate all the summer schedules in our family.  In the end, someone plans the event the best they can and people come if they can.

 

(I was thinking that of course someone should go because Mexico, but then I saw the all-inclusive part and my whole response changed. :))

[catz]

I do agree 100% that setting up a family get together like this is difficult and thankless.  The more people that are involved, the more conflicts there will be.  I do think it was short sighted to start booking without talking to each family individually if they really wanted good turn out, even if they did bother to check the school calendar.

 

The thing is your DH already said no.  This is his family.  I'd let him field it and decide what to do in terms of the 10 year old and him.  The ILs are welcome to set the date anytime as the hosts.  And you as guests are welcome to decline politely for any reason.  As the parent of a kid with some executive function quirks, I would have a really hard time pushing for early finals if we decided he should attend B&M school.  

 

I lost my father this year.  My ILs celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last month.  I am all for making memories with loved ones while we have them.  But I don't think they have to be in the context of a big trip to be precious and valuable. 

 

Not to mention, I'd love to go to Mexico in January to March.  Not June.  ;)

[Annie G]

Not likely, although the fact that they got a deal for this particular week is a good part of the reason they booked this week even knowing it would likely conflict with the last week of school.

 

(If we have no more than one snow day this year--never happened in the 14 years we've lived here--then my kids would be out of school. However, we won't know the last day of school until mid-April, and ILs need to pay for the tour before then.)

 

Since you haven't had more than one snow day in the past 14 years it seems reasonable to bet that this year will be no different.  Plan away and if something comes up, talk to the teachers about taking finals early.   

[TechWife]

I think it would be fine for your husband to go and take whichever of your children can go with him. At the very least, he should go. 

[Annie G]

I think it would be fine for your husband to go and take whichever of your children can go with him. At the very least, he should go. 

 

Oh, yeah, I totally agree with this, too. If you can't all go, at least send dh and the kid(s) who are available.  

[Melinda in VT]

I do agree 100% that setting up a family get together like this is difficult and thankless.  The more people that are involved, the more conflicts there will be.  I do think it was short sighted to start booking without talking to each family individually if they really wanted good turn out, even if they did bother to check the school calendar.

 

The thing is your DH already said no.  This is his family.  I'd let him field it and decide what to do in terms of the 10 year old and him.  The ILs are welcome to set the date anytime as the hosts.  And you as guests are welcome to decline politely for any reason.  As the parent of a kid with some executive function quirks, I would have a really hard time pushing for early finals if we decided he should attend B&M school.  

 

I lost my father this year.  My ILs celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last month.  I am all for making memories with loved ones while we have them.  But I don't think they have to be in the context of a big trip to be precious and valuable. 

 

Not to mention, I'd love to go to Mexico in January to March.  Not June.  ;)

 

This is how I've been handling it. But they were just here for a week, and they talked to DH and to me (separately and together) about having DH and youngest son go. And also (jokingly) said that we were making life difficult because the trip was supposed to be Christmas and now they have to shop for gifts because we aren't going.

 

So, I'm leaning toward changing my stance from "it's your call; I'll be fine either way" (and I would be; this would not cause an issue between me and DH) to actively encouraging DH and DS10 to go. I can't guarantee DH would change his stance, but I think it's likely he would go if I pushed it.

 

And although the high schoolers are a little hurt, I don't think having their younger brother go would cause any permanent rifts in relationships.

 

[Melinda in VT]

Since you haven't had more than one snow day in the past 14 years it seems reasonable to bet that this year will be no different.  Plan away and if something comes up, talk to the teachers about taking finals early.   

 

No, I worded that poorly. We always have more than one snow day. Last year we had five.

 

Predictions for this winter are super cold and snowy.

[Annie G]

No, I worded that poorly. We always have more than one snow day. Last year we had five.

 

Predictions for this winter are super cold and snowy.

 

You probably wrote it fine- it's more likely my brain that's reading it wrong. 

 

Ok, so no high schoolers.  But did dh tell his family that none of you can go because he thought you would feel left out?  Or does HE not want to go unless you all can? Because that's really what matters- if he wants to be there but feels bad leaving you at home, he might need to hear that he has your blessing to attend.  

 

The good thing is that this isn't about Mexico in February. I wouldn't mind missing a visit to Mexico in June but during the frigid month of February, I do NOT want to see pics or hear about sunny beaches unless I'm there.  But you're probably one of those stoic Vermont people instead of me, a whiny southerner transplanted to the land of frozen tundra. 

[marbel]

It doesn't matter how many snow days you've had in the past anyway.  I assume after a certain point your in-laws can't get money back.  You can't make plans based on a maybe.  But I always err on the side of caution on those sorts of things.   I don't think I would want to mess with the finals schedule given what you've said about one of your kids.  I would not do it with my executive-function-lacking child.  People who don't deal with those issues might not fully understand the potential impact.

[RioSamba]

[(relationship history with in laws/amount they babysat)x(extant of any financial dependency)+(hopes for future relationship with in laws/realistic expectations)]- (discord this will cause between siblings X 2)= ??????

 

I chose other, because I'm not sure that there is a "right" answer. The best answer is the one that feels right to your family, the one that won't keep you awake wondering.

 

I do think it was at best, unwise, for the in laws to make plans of this nature without direct consultation with all potential travelers.