"I hope you die before you're 20!"

[Spryte]

I have explained to her that this friend loves her and is concerned about her and is only saying/believing these things because that's what she's been taught. My daughter's greatest fear is that she'll be rejected by her friends if she doesn't believe what they believe. I think the sleepover was the beginning of her fear coming true. After her friend said that, my dd replied, "It doesn't matter what we believe- we'll always be friends, right?" This girl replied, "I can't make any promises. I don't think God wants me to be friends with people who don't believe in him." She later told me, "I love her no matter what she believes - why can't she love me no matter what I believe?"

Heartbreaking. That is DS's fear, too. I'm so sorry. :(

[Orthodox6]

My daughter(10) came home early from a sleepover - heartbroken and sobbing after her best friend said those cruel words to her. Why would this sweet little girl say this? Because we are no longer "believers". I'm assuming someone in her church or home told her that 20 was the magic number of accountability (which by the way, I've never read anything in the Bible that suggests that all children go to heaven before a certain age). That is just one more thing we add to our beliefs that makes us feel better about worshipping a god who sends people to eternal torment for believing the wrong story (or no story at all). To think that I used to believe this too makes me sick to my stomach now.

My daughter has a heart of gold that will never be the same after being told by the little girl she loves the most that she wants her to die in the next 10 years. Had to vent somewhere .... :(

As a Mother AND as a Christian, I am incensed by the cruelty of that kid, as well as by the astonishing lies (about Christianity) that kid must have uttered. This is as whacko as I have heard come out of a child who allegedly is religious.

 

Instant end to that "friendship". Unless those other parents have a watertight explaination for how they managed to warp their own child's viewpoints, AND articulate their plan for rehabbing their own child.

 

Please reassure your daughter that what she was told is a big, seriously sinful LIE.

[Reefgazer]

With friends like that who needs enemies? Seriously, it's time to find new friend(s).

[Sunshine72]

I hate religion because it teaches that you have to believe something (without a shred of evidence) to avoid eternity in hell. That lady was mentally ill, but it was her faith that led her to believe that she was ultimately doing what was best by assuring their place in heaven. It's the same reason that a 9 year old (who is not mentally ill) hopes my daughter dies before she's 20.

 

If you are talking about Andrea Yates,  she had postpartum psychosis.  Religion did not cause her psychosis anymore than religion can cause cancer. 

[kroe1]

The other little girl has a belief system, and showed compassion for your daughter in her belief system. Whether her belief system is right or wrong is irrelevant. Make sure you point out that her friend loves her which is why she said it. On the other hand, you do not believe that so your DD does not have to worry about dying until she is over 100.

 

Give it a few days to see if you feel strongly enough about it to end the friendship, or will just use it as an opportunity to reinforce your own belief system.

[abacus2]

I would not assume that the parents are ok with this comment or said anything similar. The Evangelical Christians I know want people to believe in Jesus so that they will be in heaven, not die early to get in on a technicality. It is certainly possible that this girl's parents would be horrified at her comments and re-explain their beliefs more clearly.

[creekmom]

If you are talking about Andrea Yates, she had postpartum psychosis. Religion did not cause her psychosis anymore than religion can cause cancer.

I didn't say religion was the cause of her psychosis. Religion is the reason she believed a place like hell even existed in the first place! Religion is the reason she believed her children might end up there. Religion is the reason she believed an early death would save them from it.

 

 

 

Taken from a transcript: (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=130284)

But even in her confused state, Yates was clear about her motivation — killing her children was an attempt to save them from going to hell.

Puryear: "What did you think would happen to the children when they were killed? What did you think would happen?"

Yates: "In their innocence, they'd go to heaven."

Puryear: "They'd go to heaven?"

Yates: "Yeah."

Puryear: "You were worried about them going to hell?"

Yates: (Nods).

Puryear: "You thought that was a possibility?"

Yates: "I just thought since they were so young … (cries)."

[idnib]

nm

[Orthodox6]

I didn't say religion was the cause of her psychosis. Religion is the reason she believed a place like hell even existed! Religion is the reason she believed her children might end up there. Religion is the reason she believed an early death would save them from it (which is why my daughter's friend hopes she dies young).

 

 

 

Taken from a transcript: (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=130284)

But even in her confused state, Yates was clear about her motivation — killing her children was an attempt to save them from going to hell.

Puryear: "What did you think would happen to the children when they were killed? What did you think would happen?"

Yates: "In their innocence, they'd go to heaven."

Puryear: "They'd go to heaven?"

Yates: "Yeah."

Puryear: "You were worried about them going to hell?"

Yates: (Nods).

Puryear: "You thought that was a possibility?"

Yates: "I just thought since they were so young … (cries)."

The kind of Protestantism that claims a young child would go to hell simultaneously does not believe that there exists any such thing as an innocent child. Mrs. Yates was, unambiguously, insane. If she was of that type of Protestantism, killing her children, or not killing her children, would exert no influence whatsoever on the children's destination after death.

[Tanaqui]

If you are talking about Andrea Yates,  she had postpartum psychosis.  Religion did not cause her psychosis anymore than religion can cause cancer.

 

No, it didn't. However, religion was why she had as many children as she did, and iirc, religion is why she and her husband moved out to a little trailer away from everybody (well, religion and the fact that her husband hits several markers for an abusive spouse), and religion is why this woman with postpartum psychosis, who wasn't supposed to be alone with the children, was expected to homeschool them, and religion is why her psychosis manifested the way it did. Delusional thinking is different depending on the culture you're immersed in.

 

Her beliefs didn't cause her to murder her children, but they surely were a major contributing factor.

 

And that is the last I'm going to say about Andrea Yates here on this thread. I have a *lot* to say about that case, but much of it is profanity.

 

Back on topic, with further comments from the OP I'm feeling sorrier and sorrier for that girl. What an unhappy outlook on life her parents have given her! I really hope she can shed it before she grows up. OP, if your daughter wants to remain friends, I wouldn't ban the friendship. That kid needs a voice of reason in her life. I don't know that the friendship will work out, though, and if it's harmful to your daughter then by all means encourage her to break it off - you have to look after your own kids first, not worry about everybody else's.

[FO4UR]

I have explained to her that this friend loves her and is concerned about her and is only saying/believing these things because that's what she's been taught. My daughter's greatest fear is that she'll be rejected by her friends if she doesn't believe what they believe. I think the sleepover was the beginning of her fear coming true. After her friend said that, my dd replied, "It doesn't matter what we believe- we'll always be friends, right?" This girl replied, "I can't make any promises. I don't think God wants me to be friends with people who don't believe in him." She later told me, "I love her no matter what she believes - why can't she love me no matter what I believe?"

 

 

This is a sad situation.  I know the thought processes behind her friend's statements.  My best advice is to leave the friendship open on your daughter's end of things, but cut all practical ties for the time being.  This girl is in some deep and dangerous water and may find hope in your daughter's friendship as she grows into teen and young adult years ironically.  That is why I would end things, for the time being, on amicable terms.

 

 

Focus on finding other friends. :grouphug:

[Sunshine72]

I didn't say religion was the cause of her psychosis. Religion is the reason she believed a place like hell even existed in the first place! Religion is the reason she believed her children might end up there. Religion is the reason she believed an early death would save them from it (which is why my daughter's friend hopes she dies young).

 

 

 

Taken from a transcript: (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=130284)

 

But even in her confused state, Yates was clear about her motivation — killing her children was an attempt to save them from going to hell.

Puryear: "What did you think would happen to the children when they were killed? What did you think would happen?"

Yates: "In their innocence, they'd go to heaven."

Puryear: "They'd go to heaven?"

Yates: "Yeah."

Puryear: "You were worried about them going to hell?"

Yates: (Nods).

Puryear: "You thought that was a possibility?"

Yates: "I just thought since they were so young … (cries)."

You said it was her faith that led her to believe that what she was doing was best.  I disagree with that.  She had faith, she believed in hell but it was her psychosis that led her to believe that what she was doing was best.   If she didn't have faith she still would have had postpartum psychosis and still would have had fears that she would have wanted to save her children from.  Without the psychosis she presumably would not have killed her children. 

[Sunshine72]

No, it didn't. However, religion was why she had as many children as she did, and iirc, religion is why she and her husband moved out to a little trailer away from everybody (well, religion and the fact that her husband hits several markers for an abusive spouse), and religion is why this woman with postpartum psychosis, who wasn't supposed to be alone with the children, was expected to homeschool them, and religion is why her psychosis manifested the way it did. Delusional thinking is different depending on the culture you're immersed in.

 I think we probably share very similar feelings about her husband.  Still makes my blood boil to think about it.

[Truscifi]

The other little girl has a belief system, and showed compassion for your daughter in her belief system. Whether her belief system is right or wrong is irrelevant. Make sure you point out that her friend loves her which is why she said it. On the other hand, you do not believe that so your DD does not have to worry about dying until she is over 100.

 

Give it a few days to see if you feel strongly enough about it to end the friendship, or will just use it as an opportunity to reinforce your own belief system.

 

No. Not irrelevant. And I don't care if the child was speaking from love or compassion (which seems entirely possible based on OP's description), it was still a terrible and hurtful thing to say, and that shouldn't be minimized. 

 

I agree it is time to look for less dogmatic, judgmental friends.

[TranquilMind]

No, it didn't. However, religion was why she had as many children as she did, and iirc, religion is why she and her husband moved out to a little trailer away from everybody (well, religion and the fact that her husband hits several markers for an abusive spouse), and religion is why this woman with postpartum psychosis, who wasn't supposed to be alone with the children, was expected to homeschool them, and religion is why her psychosis manifested the way it did. Delusional thinking is different depending on the culture you're immersed in.

 

Her beliefs didn't cause her to murder her children, but they surely were a major contributing factor.

 

And that is the last I'm going to say about Andrea Yates here on this thread. I have a *lot* to say about that case, but much of it is profanity.

 

Back on topic, with further comments from the OP I'm feeling sorrier and sorrier for that girl. What an unhappy outlook on life her parents have given her! I really hope she can shed it before she grows up. OP, if your daughter wants to remain friends, I wouldn't ban the friendship. That kid needs a voice of reason in her life. I don't know that the friendship will work out, though, and if it's harmful to your daughter then by all means encourage her to break it off - you have to look after your own kids first, not worry about everybody else's.

Everything you said here about Yates could not be more inaccurate from a perspective of faith. 

 

"Religion" doesn't cause people to kill their kids.  MENTAL ILLNESS causes people to kill their kids.  If she wasn't in any religious group at all, she still could have done this because she was insane, as adjudicated in this case.

 

About this 10 year old girl, she obviously has some gross misunderstanding of her faith message - or it is being very badly imparted to her (we don't know which) -  and since she is 10, that can certainly be corrected, and I hope it is. 

[TranquilMind]

You said it was her faith that led her to believe that what she was doing was best.  I disagree with that.  She had faith, she believed in hell but it was her psychosis that led her to believe that what she was doing was best.   If she didn't have faith she still would have had postpartum psychosis and still would have had fears that she would have wanted to save her children from.  Without the psychosis she presumably would not have killed her children. 

This.

[Tanaqui]

Everything you said here about Yates could not be more inaccurate from a perspective of faith.

 

And yet it's completely accurate from a reality-based perspective. If you want to talk about Yates with me, I suggest you open a new thread. I'm not doing it here.

 

About this 10 year old girl, she obviously has some gross misunderstanding of her faith message - or it is being very badly imparted to her (we don't know which) -  and since she is 10, that can certainly be corrected, and I hope it is.

 

Or, option three, this is EXACTLY what she's being told. We can't rule that out just because you don't like it.

[Amira]

I'm a religious person and what that little girl said is appalling. I definitely would be talking to her parents, just like I'd want to know if one if my kids said they wished anyone would die soon for any reason.

 

I would not tell my child that the friend loves her and just wants what's best for her. I don't think it's ever compassionate to wish a young child would die soon to be saved from her "wrong" beliefs. Ever. That idea is bothering me almost as much as what the girl said in the first place. If someone is physically abusive, I don't say that they're showing their love by hitting someone else even if they think that hitting might solve a problem.

[KarenC]

I have explained to her that this friend loves her and is concerned about her and is only saying/believing these things because that's what she's been taught. My daughter's greatest fear is that she'll be rejected by her friends if she doesn't believe what they believe. I think the sleepover was the beginning of her fear coming true. After her friend said that, my dd replied, "It doesn't matter what we believe- we'll always be friends, right?" This girl replied, "I can't make any promises. I don't think God wants me to be friends with people who don't believe in him." She later told me, "I love her no matter what she believes - why can't she love me no matter what I believe?"

You need to find more tolerant friends.  Speaking from experience, I really doubt this will improve over time.

[TranquilMind]

And yet it's completely accurate from a reality-based perspective. If you want to talk about Yates with me, I suggest you open a new thread. I'm not doing it here.

 

 

Or, option three, this is EXACTLY what she's being told. We can't rule that out just because you don't like it.

You mean from your perspective.  The reality is that Yates was adjudicated as insane, and clearly was. 

 

Certainly, it could happen that her parents are telling her to say that all her friends should die before 20 if they don't believe and accept Jesus as their savior today....but I kind of doubt it. 

[SparrowsNest]

Has any Christian here heard of the age of 20 as the age of... anything?  I sure haven't.

 

[Word Nerd]

Has any Christian here heard of the age of 20 as the age of... anything? I sure haven't.

Here's one (via Google): http://www.yaiy.org/literature/pdf/Scriptural%20Age%20of%20Accountability.pdf

[leeannpal]

I know this particular incident is related to a child's misguided ideas about religion, but it is important to remember that children say foolish and hurtful things to each other at times. This year, my sixth grade daughter had a boy tell her that she was "ugly and I hope you die." My daughter was a new kid who already felt like she didn't belong. Thankfully, contact with that boy was cut off quickly.

 

I disagree with those who think that the girl should cut ties with this friend if, as the OP says, the little girl was not hateful or ugly. Talk to the parents and let the girls talk it out. How else is a child supposed to learn that words can hurt and have unintended effects on others?

[TranquilMind]

Has any Christian here heard of the age of 20 as the age of... anything?  I sure haven't.

Nope. 

[J-rap]

:grouphug:

 

I would say something to the parents if only to make sure there wasn't more to the story.  I totally feel your pain.  We are secular UU's. 

 

I have a daughter that just turned 11.  Generally, I think this is the age where kids, and especially girls, really start being more picky about friendships.  They want to have friends that have similar interests and backgrounds.  Where many younger kids will play with whoever is around.  Not to mention some girls are starting to have hormonal swings and moodiness and aren't feeling very good about themselves either so they can lash out.  My dd has had some incidents in the past year that have infuriated me with girls in this age range over various things.  And I suspect my own daughter has said things the past year that haven't come out of her mouth in the nicest way even though at heart I think she is a good kid.   So if it weren't a religion thing, girls can find other things to pick at without any problem unfortunately.  I think it's been helpful here to remind my daughter that just because someone is lashing out doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong or the other person is a horrible person.   Sometimes people that are good friends at younger ages grow apart as they get older and that's ok.  People grow and change over time and it's part of growing up.  I think it's been good for my dd to know that if a friendship isn't working out, it's ok to explore other friendships. 

I think you're absolutely right.  I think this is the age where girls tend to branch off into more like-minded or interest-specific groups.  It's probably true with boys as well.   Of course it doesn't excuse the angry comment, but it might help explain some of the emotion behind it. 

[shinyhappypeople]

Oh, wow.  I'm so sorry.  Regardless of the friend's intentions, what an inexcusably awful thing to say.  I hope you'll tell the parents so they can discuss it with her.  This family's view* is common but far from universal, even among Christians.  :grouphug:

 

eta: *view about unbelievers going to hell, NOT the age 20 thing.  I've never heard of that before.

[Orthodox6]

Here's one (via Google): http://www.yaiy.org/literature/pdf/Scriptural%20Age%20of%20Accountability.pdf

 

The historical roots, if one may call them that, are in the 1930s.  This is both new, and external to normal Christianity.

[Trish]

Cruel comments from 10-year-olds is just batting practice compared to middle school.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Cruel comments from 10-year-olds is just batting practice compared to middle school.

 

My thoughts on this thread:

 

If there are worse comments than "I hope you die," I don't want to know.

 

I'd tell this child's parents what happened, but I wouldn't let my child play at their house again.

 

Lastly, I wouldn't blame all of religion, or take an opportunity to try to locate what some believe to be a nearly invisible line between faith and psychosis, because of this incident.

[mommymilkies]

I am so sorry.  There is no excuse for this.  I would alert her parents and cut off all friendship with this girl.  I have known people like that and there is no way I'd let my children around them ever again. 

[Guest]

I don't want to go into it but I have BTDT, seen the devastation. People can twist anything they want to conform to their nastiness. If this girl seriously believed in hell she wouldn't behave like this.

 

My broken heart for my BTDT extends to your daughter.

[FO4UR]

 

I disagree with those who think that the girl should cut ties with this friend if, as the OP says, the little girl was not hateful or ugly. Talk to the parents and let the girls talk it out. How else is a child supposed to learn that words can hurt and have unintended effects on others?

 

 

Because of the nature of the conversation, I absolutely recommend severely limiting contact.  I would not let the girls play outside of my personal earshot, if at all.

 

I would recommend communicating, to the girl directly, that you care about her.  Then I would not give a reason, just severely limit contact.

 

 

What she said is severely damaging and scary, tbh.  I hope the girl never tries to take action to remedy the age of accountability problem.  I don't think the parents will help the situation if they are teaching this to her, so I wouldn't bother even trying to discuss it.  And, lastly, I feel for the girl b/c the same small sect of Christians that are heavy handed in these matters are also generally heavy-handed and extreme in others.  This 10yo girl may need a safe place to land some day...8-10-12 years down the road when she looks upon things with adult eyes.  If she remembers a friendship with your daughter fondly, it will maybe open some doors for her at that point.  Always be kind, yet keep a safe distance.  iykwim.

[LucyStoner]

I'm sorry creekland. That's really terrible for your daughter. I am sorry she is dealing with such intolerance.

[purplejackmama]

I agree with previous posters, unfortunately the friendship has to end.

[Ann.without.an.e]

It was inappropriate.  It was innocent since she was just showing concern for your dd because of her own belief system but it was still hurtful and inappropriate.  She's a child and I think grace should be given. 

 

We have friends who lived with an indigenous people group.  They (or their children) were often reprimanded for breaking religious code.  Their children were told numerous times about some new religious code they broke that would upset the spirits and they were surely going to die because of their disregard for the gods.  These were simple things like walking on the wrong trail, eating a forbidden food, etc.  The parents didn't get upset because they knew that the things weren't true.  If you really know there isn't a hell then let it go.  We need to hold firm to our beliefs and know that others will not always agree....and it is ok.  I had a good friend growing up who was Hindu.  She often told me things that she believed to be true and I shrugged them off because I didn't believe them.  We were still friends.  I let it go and moved on.  I'm sure I may have said things to her that she didn't believe and she did the same.  We are still friends to this day and that was middle and high school.

 

For what it is worth, we are Christians and my in laws are atheists.  They are constantly pushing atheism on my children. 

 

[ktgrok]

As a believer, I find this abhorrant and think the parent's teachings are near child abuse. God doesn't want people to come to him out of fear, if he wanted to control them so closely he wouldn't have given people free will in the first place. Faith is supposed to be freely chosen, no coerced or it isn't true faith. That child can't see the difference doesn't' shock me, but that her parents can't, that so many adults can't, that is crazy. 

 

I do believe in God, but I do NOT believe he is sending happy little girls there, or any of the wonderful adult atheists I know either. So upsetting. Of course, I'm Catholic, so I'm sure this girl and her parents think I'm going to hell too. 

[ktgrok]

Also, if the real problem is that your daughter is afraid of losing friends over religion (which is also awful!), I had a thought. Perhaps when asked she could remind them that Jesus said you shouldn't flaunt religion, but practice it in private? Not say she believes in him, just use that to remind the other kids not to discuss it?  

 

So sorry for your daughter, you guys can move here I think I know more children of atheists than I do Christian children. It's kind of an issue actually, in the other direction. 

[tm919]

I'm so sorry! Something similar happened to me when I was that age, and I have NEVER forgotten it. My best friend was a specific denomination of Christian that believed that only they were getting saved (I was Catholic), and she told me, "I'm going to really miss you when you're in hell." To this day I remember that she looked so worried as she said it, she was actually really upset because she'd finally put 2 and 2 together (as far as her beliefs). If she believed what she was taught, almost everyone she knew was headed to a bad place.

 

Anyway, I feel terrible for your daughter, but also for her friend...

[Ann.without.an.e]

I'm so sorry! Something similar happened to me when I was that age, and I have NEVER forgotten it. My best friend was a specific denomination of Christian that believed that only they were getting saved (I was Catholic), and she told me, "I'm going to really miss you when you're in hell." To this day I remember that she looked so worried as she said it, she was actually really upset because she'd finally put 2 and 2 together (as far as her beliefs). If she believed what she was taught, almost everyone she knew was headed to a bad place.

 

Anyway, I feel terrible for your daughter, but also for her friend...

 

So sad. :grouphug:

 

On a funny note...I guess I haven't raised my kids to think like that at all.  DD had to list religion on a standardized test she took and she just stared at it.  "It didn't have Christian...it had all of these different groups and I have no idea what we are :lol: "   

[kolamum]

Oh, that is horrible. Unfortunately, some children hear what their parents say, be it snippets of conversations not meant for their ears or theology to great for them to fully grasp, & they spout it back like fact. We've had some really uncomfortable situations with a homeschool family in which one of the children repetitively repeated things he did not understand. He hurt children's feelings, mostly mine, as he spouted out things that indicated my children were awful because of his own lack of understanding his parents theology.

 

It took me a long time to gain courage to speak to his parents about it, & even then I only mentioned 1 of the many things that was spoken. I didn't want to hear from the parent that they agreed with the child.. One thing I was very firm with at home was to remind my children that everyone is free to believe what they want.. we don't have to agree with them, but we won't waste time judging people either. I think this was easier for one of my children, who is incredibly less sensitive, then my eldest who took it very very personally.

At the same time, I've heard some things my own children have said by misunderstanding choices my husband & I make. Personal choices, like not drinking. This is not a belief system or lack of for us.. rather my husband once had a horrible drinking problem, & once coming out of it has never touched it again. I, came from the background of an alcoholic grandfather & thus it was a personal choice not to follow suit. Yet, my children misunderstood those PERSONAL choices as beliefs that if they didn't follow they were unworthy.  I overheard them asking a relative if he drank wine, & that was the moment in which I took my children aside & told them that it was absolutely, 100% unacceptable. We were out in the bush on a long weekend camp trip, the ride home left a lot of time to speak about the actions & be more in depth about it.

 

I am so sorry your little girl heard those words, & I'm even more sorry that a little girl has those thoughts in her own mind. I can't imagine what that must be like, for either child.. One so deeply hurt & the other so deeply concerned she'd wish such a horrible thing on another. I so pray you can help your daughter find peace in what's happened. *hugs*

[kwg]

I'm so sorry! Something similar happened to me when I was that age, and I have NEVER forgotten it. My best friend was a specific denomination of Christian that believed that only they were getting saved (I was Catholic), and she told me, "I'm going to really miss you when you're in hell." To this day I remember that she looked so worried as she said it, she was actually really upset because she'd finally put 2 and 2 together (as far as her beliefs). If she believed what she was taught, almost everyone she knew was headed to a bad place.

 

Anyway, I feel terrible for your daughter, but also for her friend...

 

 

Aww, poor little girl.

 

That reminded me of some crazy religious stuff I got ahold of at that age about the end of the world and it was not until I told my mom and she looked at me with a wh????? look that i even thought oh, maybe it isnt true. lol.  So maybe you should talk to the mom.  Or do you know this is coming out of her mouth?  B/c my family is  atheist and we have Christian friends.  There have been some problems here and there, but really they just want to play.  

[Bluegoat]

I tend to agree that it would be a good idea to spend less time with that friend, at least for now.

 

As for the little girl - she might accurately be understanding what she was told, or she might be misunderstanding - 10 year olds do sometimes get the wrong idea.  It's hard to say.  It might be worth mentioning it to the parents.

 

If it is accurate, its a pernicious form of religion generally speaking. All that stuff from the late 19th and early 20th century that is so concerned with the end of the world is pretty much just stuff people made up to scare themselves, or others, with.  Kind of like the religious version of post-atomic bomb movies.

[Truscifi]

It was inappropriate.  It was innocent since she was just showing concern for your dd because of her own belief system but it was still hurtful and inappropriate.  She's a child and I think grace should be given. 

 

We have friends who lived with an indigenous people group.  They (or their children) were often reprimanded for breaking religious code.  Their children were told numerous times about some new religious code they broke that would upset the spirits and they were surely going to die because of their disregard for the gods.  These were simple things like walking on the wrong trail, eating a forbidden food, etc.  The parents didn't get upset because they knew that the things weren't true.  If you really know there isn't a hell then let it go.  We need to hold firm to our beliefs and know that others will not always agree....and it is ok.  I had a good friend growing up who was Hindu.  She often told me things that she believed to be true and I shrugged them off because I didn't believe them.  We were still friends.  I let it go and moved on.  I'm sure I may have said things to her that she didn't believe and she did the same.  We are still friends to this day and that was middle and high school.

 

For what it is worth, we are Christians and my in laws are atheists.  They are constantly pushing atheism on my children. 

 

"I hope you die" is a lot different than "I'm afraid you're risking the wrath of the gods".

[Lanny]

I cannot image that the girl who said this, or her parents, believe in God. People who would say something like that are bad people.  Probably the girl is repeating what she has heard in her house or her church. Very sad for your DD that those words were spoken to her, and by someone she considered a friend. 

[ErinE]

I don't understand arguing the girl's statement is from compassion. Would the same posters be okay with a verbally abusive spouse? "Because Jesus loves you" is no more a valid reason for cruelty than "because I love you." It's not a world view I would encourage in my children.

 

For the OP, I've dealt with something similar. I've handled it by discussing why that person might believe what they do and why I don't think the belief is correct then I give my child the choice as to whether or not he or she spends more time with the offender.

[SailorMom]

Being deist and homeschooling for many years in the south, my sons experienced this many times: when other kids would say inappropriate things to them about religion.  None of them knew what a deist was, lol, but that didn't stop them.  They lost friends because when parents would find out we weren't Christian, they would no longer let our kids play.  We couldn't stay in a HS Group that they had many friends in when the group decided it needed a statement of faith, etc.  A neighbor kid actually confronted our sons on the sidewalk when another kid told him my sons didn't believe Jesus was God. 

Anyway - It is going to happen.  Many times.  No matter how old she gets.  The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to prepare her to not be hurt, to understand where it comes from, to be solid in her own beliefs - or comfortable with the fact that she is still exploring them, to understand the dogmatism and fear behind those statements.

It's never easy, but I had some wonderful conversations with my sons about faith that we never would have had otherwise. 

I'm always VERY respectful of other faiths, and insist that my sons are the same, regardless of the disrespect that may come from others. 

[Orthodox6]

Being deist and homeschooling for many years in the south, my sons experienced this many times: when other kids would say inappropriate things to them about religion.  None of them knew what a deist was, lol, but that didn't stop them.  They lost friends because when parents would find out we weren't Christian, they would no longer let our kids play.  We couldn't stay in a HS Group that they had many friends in when the group decided it needed a statement of faith, etc.  A neighbor kid actually confronted our sons on the sidewalk when another kid told him my sons didn't believe Jesus was God. 

Anyway - It is going to happen.  Many times.  No matter how old she gets.  The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to prepare her to not be hurt, to understand where it comes from, to be solid in her own beliefs - or comfortable with the fact that she is still exploring them, to understand the dogmatism and fear behind those statements.

It's never easy, but I had some wonderful conversations with my sons about faith that we never would have had otherwise. 

I'm always VERY respectful of other faiths, and insist that my sons are the same, regardless of the disrespect that may come from others. 

 

I have posted before that my family has had your same experience of rejection and shunning.  The weirdly comic point is that we are Christians!  (Eastern Orthodox)

[LucyStoner]

I cannot image that the girl who said this, or her parents, believe in God. People who would say something like that are bad people. Probably the girl is repeating what she has heard in her house or her church. Very sad for your DD that those words were spoken to her, and by someone she considered a friend.

What? Are you saying that saying something like this makes the girl a bad person? And that bad people don't believe in God? Please clarify.

[leeannpal]

What? Are you saying that saying something like this makes the girl a bad person? And that bad people don't believe in God? Please clarify.

 

I think I get what Larry is saying. This idea that it would be better for someone to die young in order to go to Heaven is really a convoluted way of viewing salvation. Obviously, the vast majority of Christians don't think this way or we would all kill our children before they grew up to make certain that they got into Heaven.

 

I really feel bad for both the little girls in this situation. :sad:

[LucyStoner]

I think I get what Larry is saying. This idea that it would be better for someone to die young in order to go to Heaven is really a convoluted way of viewing salvation. Obviously, the vast majority of Christians don't think this way or we would all kill our children before they grew up to make certain that they got into Heaven.

 

I really feel bad for both the little girls in this situation. :sad:

Certainly most Christians do not believe this but some Christians do. Saying this doesn't mean the girl or her parents aren't Christians.

 

Saying this doesn't make the girl bad. She could just be confused, misguided or have a belief that is very hard for her to handle. Or be unable to comprehend something. Or she could just be tactless. None of that means she's a bad person. She shouldn't have said this (nor do I agree that it was said out of actual love) but she's 10. She can learn better.