Appalling Mother's Day Church Videos

[Miss Peregrine]

At our church one lady used to give out flowers to the mothers. I witnessed one very awkward exchange with a woman who said she wasn't a mother and the flower lady walked away. Maybe the woman didn't want children or maybe she couldn't have them. Either way I think it is a very insensitive practice.

[Shellydon]

I think the video is cute.  My DH is very capable, but he views the house/kids very differently than I do.

[HS Mom in NC]

People I personally know who have a hard time with Mother's Day at church:

 

My step-brothers whose mentally ill mother abandoned them saying in front of them, "I'll take [step-brother A] but I don't want [step-brother B].  You keep him. "  Then she went on to abduct their sister and had no contact with them until they were adults.  When she did, she wrote a nasty letter that aren't taking care of her in her old age.

His daughters (now 17 and 18) who finally told him about all the mental, some physical and spiritual abuse their mother had been engaging in when he was at work and in school.  Not only is he getting divorced and has been granted temporary full custody and want no contact with their mother at all. Also, his 18 year old is pregnant with her deadbeat boyfriend's baby, so as you can imagine, she's got some ambivalence going on right now.

 

A close friend who has secondary fertility issues and has spent years trying to conceive but is too old now. A couple of year ago she miscarried what will likely be her last baby ever a couple of weeks before Mother's Day.

 

My SIL who married my brother even though she wanted kids and he didn't.  (He has a child by a previous relationship 50% of the time.) She thought he'd change his mind or love would conquer all or something.  That didn't happen and now she's too old to have kids and I can imagine may be regretting her choice to marry him at least in part.

 

My SIL who is married to step brother B. Her mentally ill mother spent years oppressing everyone the house with her paranoia.  SIL chose not to have children so she could work full time with disadvantaged kids (homeless ones mostly.) She gets to hear every Mother's Day about how motherhood is the highest calling and nothing else comes near it and that's how married women honor God because she chooses to continue to attend Southern Baptist Churches.

 

I've been down the road with miscarriages, secondary fertility and an international adoption. I'm not insulated from the more challenging aspects of motherhood that are usually either glossed over or ignored on Mother's Day at church.

 

Adoptees (often foster kids or kids adopted from some foreign countries) who were removed by their birth country's government because of abuse that their mothers either participated in or failed to try to stop. The kids from Ethiopia are placed for adoption because men in that country men don't marry women who have children by someone else.  If they want to get married they place their children for adoption.I  personally know one of those kids-he remembers his birth mother giving him up.  Russian mothers rarely keep any child that is or might be special needs-if the oxygen levels ran low during delivery or if there was any abnormality, they're placed in an orphanage.  Chinese adoptees were placed for adoption because of their gender, economic challenges or mild to severe abnormalities. Ethiopian kid's sister is missing an ear so her birth mom placed her for adoption.  They all have to process that.

My SIL (married to my brother with a child from a previous relationship) has a mother who has a hard time with Mother's Day at church.  Her mother was both the town drunk and a prostitute and her memories of mom aren't pretty.  Men frequenting prostitutes are often abusive toward the children in those environments.  After she was finally removed, she went to live with her mother's parents.  Her grandfather was a drunk and he and the grandmother often got into physical fights so she was shuffled between a series of relatives that didn't want her for long.

 

I have friends who had mothers who abused substances, abused their kids physically, emotionally and mentally and my MIL's mother looked the other way while her father raped her repeatedly throughout childhood. 

Yeah, they should all just get over it and not bother all the other people who showed up for Mother's Day at church to watch dumb videos and be told motherhood is equal to sainthood and get their pretty flower and be done. 

How nuts is it that a church could acknowledge and celebrate that some have wonderful memories of their mothers and others have legitimate hurt and pain that Mother's Day can resurrect.  Then we could go really crazy and pray for peace and healing for them.  And then, just to be radical we could, on other Sundays, celebrate that single people and childless people can be led by God for a season or a lifetime to minister to people in ways that childless (by choice or by medical issues) couple and even married couples can't...you know, like Paul recommended in the Bible.

 

Or, we could take the focus off ourselves and put it on Jesus.  Either way.

[Kiara.I]

bolt, to answer your questions:

 

1.  Bits of it were funny.  They did do some parts well.  Overall, I would have been ranting about it for the next...oh....multiple days if it were shown at our church.

 

2.  Sexist.  Definitely.  HORRIBLY sexist.  I absolutely, positively lost it when the panicked dad trying to get the toddler to sit down so she doesn't fall off the building turns out to have been panicked about...a toddler slide.

I am a mother.  I am not an idiot.  And my "mom goggles" provide perfectly reasonable risk assessment THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  I do not appreciate the intimation that:

a) dads need a superpower to be dads;

b) dads with children the ages of those kids still haven't bothered to figure out basic parenting skills;

c) moms are too sappy and gushy and loving to be halfway logical (this one might hurt the worst, as I'm sure you can appreciate...)

 

 

And yes, the hyper-spiritualizing of Victorian-era social mores was...beyond irritating into unethical.

 

 

 

 

Stop making Morherhood something it isn't. Responsive capable parenting is a perfectly normal human capacity that grows from love, intelligence, and exposure to tiny humans. It's one thing to be grateful to someone (like your wife or mother) who is dedicated, and takes the time to develop those skills. It's another thing *entirely* to regard it as some sort of cosmic gender-specific miracle. That's both illogical *and* unbiblical. How do we do it? We work hard and figure it out. It takes years, and then we get good at it.

 

Yes.  As a woman in the church, I believe this fight NEEDS to be fought.

Try to convey, if you can, the point that Myers and Briggs had a clue, and trying to label women as "feelers" and men as "thinkers" is unhelpful, and actually downright damaging.  It allows both sexes to stereotype the other, to opt out of doing the hard work of communicating well, of holding each other accountable...and it drives people away from the church.

 

Instead, why not build a culture where we seek to understand and support each other from the get-go, rather than needing a "reality check" like this video portrays?

 

I pray that you will be able to convey that this, while having funny moments, overall DAMAGES men and women in the church.  And their children.  And that just isn't "oh, come on, it's just supposed to be funny, lighten up."

[Mommy22alyns]

Yes, I dislike Mother's Day at church.  It's fine at home with the cards and lunch if they remember.

 

But church.  UGH.  I do what I do because I do it.  I'm not anything more special than millions of other mothers, and of course there are plenty of wonderful people in the world who are not mothers.

 

And then all of the rhetoric about honoring our mothers.  My mother was a violent, disturbed individual who tormented me until the very end.  I have no interest in honoring that sort of person, mother or not.

 

And yes, DH is perfectly capable of managing without me, and has done so for weeks at a time when I was away dealing with eldercare issues.  OK, maybe he didn't mop the kitchen floor the whole time, but they ate 3 meals and wore clean clothes every day.  And he did a bunch of home projects that needed doing that I'm not capable of.  Sounds like shared responsibility to me!

 

 

This is where Mother's Day (and Father's Day) can miss me.  NO, not everyone had a saintly, awesome, inspiring, loving, wonderful mother.  

[PeterPan]

Well the video was really funny until he started preaching at us.  The problem is there are lots of types of mothers (tired mothers, sick mothers, superwoman mothers, etc.), and I don't think we need to devalue one group and tell them they're not good enough because they're not like another.  I think that kind of video has no place in a church service.  It has nothing to do with Jesus, salvation, or anything else.  It's a made up holiday and when the church blindly embraces it they HURT a segment of women who don't fit that paradigm.  I have friends who are single, childless, etc. and think of them on Mother's Day and how uncomfortable that must be.  Similarly, I get peeved by the people who think it's so great to laud mothers who have the most kids, as if that's the game in life, have the most and you win.  Then those with secondary infertility, etc. get added to the list of those offended because somebody just HAD to make up another commercialized holiday for our country.

 

[Orthodox6]

Are you being facetious?  I hope so... but I think not.

 

The worst church Mother's Day experience I had was the first MD after my mom died.  I walked into church (we had been going less than a year so I wasn't expecting this) and was offered either a red or white rose to wear.  One color, if my mother was alive; the other, if she was not.  I don't remember which color was which nor do I remember the euphemisms for "alive" and "dead" were used by the lady at the door.  I had never heard of such a thing, but I guess it is common in some places. 

 

I was stunned.  My mom had died in January so it wasn't fresh grief, but still.  This was 2002 and as you can see I am still mad about it. 

 

Our church's rather "plain" worship service used to bother me.  Mostly at Christmas because I missed the Advent wreath candle lighting.  But more and more I'm glad we don't have any "extras."  Just music, prayers, preaching. No movies, no skits, no special shoutouts to anyone.

 

 

Marbel, I had not read your post when I wrote my post previous to this one.  I must have sounded as if I were thumbing my nose at what you wrote.  Please don't think that!  I had not read your post at the time.

 

This will be the first Mothers' Day since my own mother died this past March 5th.  The practice of offering a flower, as described in my earlier post, will not upset me.  My mother is "dead" on earth, but "alive" in Christ. 

[GinaPagnato]

Meh.

 

It was a corny video, but not something I would get up in arms over.

[TechWife]

Terrible video. Insulted to both moms & dads everywhere. Were the people that came up with the idea in their 70's? 

[EmseB]

Not my cup of tea, humor wise, but I don't mind it unless they are playing it during a worship service. The whole point of worship is to turn our focus to worship God. There are plenty of other times and places to honor ourselves.

[LucyStoner]

It reminds me of this movie I accidentally rented for a veg out movie night.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3014666/

 

A mix of silly, lame sauce, dated thinking about gender roles, sexism towards men and women, generally crappy entertainment or information.

 

Nothing I am going to get up in arms about but just totally stupid at the same time.

[snickerplum]

Don't get me on my soap box about how men and fathers are portrayed as idiots in entertainment. My husband is the smartest man I know, fully capable of parenting our children both when I'm home and when I'm not. When some ladies and I from our church went to a mom's conference my Dh was the only dad who was doing the weekend alone, all the other dads either shipped their kids to in-laws or had in-laws come stay with them.

That being said, I totally have it good. One of my closest friend's Dh cannot (or will not, not sure) watch their 3 kids by himself. If she and I want to do something together I know she'll be bringing at least one of them. He knows how to change diapers and feed them, he just doesn't like it. Man up, my friend.

Some dads are just not good at parenting, sad as it may be. Some feel totally overwhelmed. Of course, same with some moms. My husband, as great as he is with our children, has told me he couldn't do what I do day-in and day-out (same could be said for me and his job), and I take it as a compliment.

I would find the video a little weird for church. But it didn't make me angry or anything. I liked the idea that as a mom I find beauty in things my children do that others may see as nothing special. I also appreciated the notion that when others may hear a fussy child, as the mother I know the reason behind the tears and I can make it better.

I also don't mind Mother's Day being mentioned at church. Our former Pastor would speak about mother's, their dedication and hard work. He also would speak of women who long to be mothers but aren't, or mothers who have lost their children. He does it in a way that makes every woman feel appreciated. And yes, I can speak from the other side - I had a very small chance of conceiving (that we have 4 children is a miracle). Our former church had buckets of flowers and every lady was encouraged to take one(not forced, though -yikes), either to keep for themself or take to another lady. It makes me feel special.

On a funny note (I find It funny :-) ) my husband has made the observation that on Mother's Day it's assumed that moms want time alone, time to be pampered and away from the children. But on Father's Day dads are expected to spend the day bonding with their children. Ha! :-)

[marbel]

Marbel, I had not read your post when I wrote my post previous to this one.  I must have sounded as if I were thumbing my nose at what you wrote.  Please don't think that!  I had not read your post at the time.

 

This will be the first Mothers' Day since my own mother died this past March 5th.  The practice of offering a flower, as described in my earlier post, will not upset me.  My mother is "dead" on earth, but "alive" in Christ. 

 

Oh heck no.  You like the practice, that's fine!  It may also be done in a nicer way at your church. 

 

And you are right, I believe my mother is alive in Christ too!  So there is that.  :-)

 

[LucyStoner]

Hmm...

 

I wouldn't have been offended by that, because my husband DOES need prayers when he tries to step into my shoes and I'm out of town. My skill set is vastly different than his, and he struggles with what I've specialized and put in place to help *me* get through the day. If I were to try out his role I'd need even MORE prayers, because I am utterly incapable of doing his job. I don't have the decades of specialized study and training, the thick skin to deal with multiple bosses, or the drive to face down the adverse and challenging circumstances he deals with every single day.

 

We couldn't do one another's jobs with much success. We complement one another. We are different. The Lord blessed us with a varied set of talents, skills, and desires, and asking either of us to swap out for one another's role isn't ideal. I mean, at least my husband does a pretty good job of taking care of the house, meals, education, and child rearing when I'm sick in bed (like last night) or out of town (like with my board duties). It would be a laughable fail if I had to step in for him.

 

Of course, maybe I'm just a bumbling, incompetent woman who needs to go back in the kitchen :p. Because if I had to play highly educated PE/SE for a day I'd probably get him fired, whereas when he takes over for me I just end up with a slightly messy kitchen and otherwise fed, bathed, happy kids :)

I think you are selling yourself short. You are younger than your husband and you dropped out of college whereas he has a degree and a profession- that doesn't make you incompetent or incapable of building a profession if circumstances were different. If you needed to work for pay for your family, you'd do just fine. It's truly not any harder than what you do at home.

[Catwoman]

I think you are selling yourself short. You are younger than your husband and you dropped out of college whereas he has a degree and a profession- that doesn't make you incompetent or incapable of building a profession if circumstances were different. If you needed to work for pay for your family, you'd do just fine. It's truly not any harder than what you do at home.

:iagree:

 

ArcticMama, I believe you when you say that if you had to take over for your dh for a day at his job, you would get him fired.

 

But please believe me when I tell you that I'll bet if you had a couple of months to learn his job before taking over for a day, he might still end up getting fired -- because his boss would want to hire you to replace him. :)

 

As Katie said, you're selling yourself short. Don't do that!!!

[Bluegoat]

I think it is an embarrasing video.  In general, I wish men weren't so often portrayed as morons.  It can be funny when people with different skills take on a job, but that trope is so common that it begins to take on different implications I think.

 

I am not a far of the mushy sentimental, and mothers day in church seems weird to me - the closest thing we have is mothering Sunday, which is more about the Church as mother though that does have implications for the idea of motherhood more generally. 

 

With regards to the question of why churches do this - I have wondered if it is not in part a result of a kind of empty spot left by the removal of liturgical celebrations.  So you get what are essentially totally secular celebrations with no intrinsic religious meaning being drafted to create some rythym and meaning.

 

I do have some sympathy for why people feel a need to give mothers and their work some kind of support and recognition.  Western culture has become pretty unsure about how to respond to the idea of people who work for no money, there is a tendency to see any kind of domestic work as not quite that important.  It isn't uncommon to hear people say that it is a shame for women with university educations to stay at home with kids becuase then they aren't constributing to society.  (Presumably it is ok for uneducated people to care for the kids, for money, I guess that is the best contribution they can make.)

 

I actually think the nature of work is something that has theological significance, but it isn't being brought out in this video.

[Rebecca in KY]

Every church I've ever attended put the focus on moms on Mother's Day. Before encountering the forums, it never crossed my mind that acknowledging mothers and all that they do could be a hot topic. I do work hard all year and I do appreciate a bit of extra thanks on Mom's Day. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. God's Word is full of instructions to us as moms. To say that it's inappropriate to talk about moms on Mother's Day leaves me scratching my head.

 

BUT--I do understand pp's points about women dealing with infertility, loss of children, family strife, etc. I can see how praising mothers and motherhood could be painful for some people.

 

This thread is full of food for thought.

[EmseB]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of extra thanks. I don't think worship is the place for it. Just like I don't think it's a good place to honor high school graduates, fathers, secretaries, pre schoolers, grandparents, pastors, singers, performance artists, etc.

 

I don't think it's wrong for the church to acknowledge those people, but save it for some other time, during fellowship after the service, during lunch. I just think worship has a very specific purpose.

 

A few years ago we happened to go to a friend's church for mother's day and it was a satellite campus of a mega church. Instead of worship they streamed a video to all campuses of the church of the lead pastor sitting with his wife and their grown children discussing her challenges of raising those kids. I found it both inane and totally inappropriate for Sunday morning worship service. They also handed out gift bags to moms. It's was just like I was going to see a show and get some swag instead of going to worship.

[AnnE-girl]

I didn't watch the video, but I agree with the sentiment that showing men/fathers as bumbling fools is offensive. My husband is a fully involved father, and while I'm more used to the day to day routine with our children, he has had them for a weekend without me and been just fine.

 

As far as churches celebrating Mothers Day, the priest will usually talk about the importance of mothers in his homily, but always tied to Biblical references. The Catholic Church generally sets the whole month of May as a special devotion to Mary, so mothers are encouraged to look to the example of Mary in our mothering. (Fathers Day homilies usually talk about Joseph's role). There is also a special blessing at the end of Mass, but it's very short, The pro-life committee sells flowers to benefit local agencies that help mothers in need after Mass, but it's not pushed on anyone.

[Guest]

I think you are selling yourself short. You are younger than your husband and you dropped out of college whereas he has a degree and a profession- that doesn't make you incompetent or incapable of building a profession if circumstances were different. If you needed to work for pay for your family, you'd do just fine. It's truly not any harder than what you do at home.

Awe, thank you ladies, but I'd still get him fired! I'm an English major at heart - I can edit the snot out of something. I love tutoring. I'm creative and good with my hands. But he is detail oriented, scary bright, and is impervious to criticism. If I had to go back to work I could, but I'd never hack it as an engineer - especially not in as specialized a field as his.

 

If I went back to work, it would probably be as a pharmacist, private tutor, or bartender. I'll leave the engineering in his competent, capable hands (because I'd never, ever pass Partial Differential Equations or LRFD aaaanything!).

 

You made my night with the compliments, though. Thanks sweet ladies :D

[SunshineMom]

I think the video was an attempt to engage men in honoring the mothers they know however it made a farce out of the actual work mothers do.  Even though men, not women were targeted it failed to address how mothers could be honored.  Mothers need more than just "understanding" via "mom googles"- they need equality.

[Jenny in Florida]

I've seen the read vs. white rose thing and found it incredibly annoying considering there were people there whose mothers didn't die at a very old age, including younger children whose mothers had recently died.

 

I've never attended a church that did the rose thing, but I'm familiar with the practice. I always wonder how people who have "mothers" who are, as far as we know, alive but with whom we have no relationship for one reason or another supposed to handle that choice? So many opportunities for causing pain and upset in this little tradition.

 

Whenever we talk about motherhood here on the boards, I tend to be in the group that says being a mom is both the hardest and most important "job" I've ever done. I am proud of my "work" as a mom, and I'm one for whom it didn't come naturally. Being a full-time-at-home, home-educating mom required a lot of me and took a lot out of me. I didn't love every minute while it was happening, but I love that I did it. I do feel strongly that nothing else I do for the remainder of my life will be as meaningful.

 

With all of that said, I still thought the linked video was dumb. I couldn't sit through to the end of it.

 

First, I don't like when dads are portrayed as incompetent idiots. Second, I think the idea that the "mom goggles" make things easier actually DE-values what moms do. 

[musicianmom]

I attend a liturgical church that follows the 3-year lectionary. This year, Mother's Day will be the 6th Sunday of Easter. Whatever Scriptures are in the lectionary for that day will be the focus of the service. Mothers will probably get a special mention in the prayers, but that's it.

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't think being a mom is the hardest job.  I think being a medical coroner, forensic expert, a social worker, psychiatrist and all other fields that directly deal with children who have been violated and/or murdered are the hardest jobs.  My mothering (and I'm the parent of a child with mild bi-polar issues and another who was a traumatized adoptee) was a walk in the part compared to those things.  My dad's cousin is a nurse in a psych ward for mentally ill teenagers who have committed violent crimes. Her job is harder than any of my parenting challenges.  I've met vice cops and military personnel who have had to deal with harder things than my brain can process.

 

Being a parent is hard and important. It's not the hardest job.

My husband writes computer software that tests plane engines, makes various types of military aircraft fly by itself should the pilots become incapacitated, makes financial transactions securely from payment kiosks and deposits them into financial institutions and the power company, creates electronic security for various institutions, makes lasers run at 10 to 50 times the speed they used to, makes space stations and satellites work in outer space, secures nuclear weapons, and such.  Very few people on the planet can do his job as well at all, much less as well as he does. I can't. He can parent the children just fine in my absence (surgery, vacations.) He may not do it exactly the same way I would and he can't mother them, but he can father them and parent them very well. 

[Audrey]

Well.... one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say or imply that a man taking care of his own child is akin to "babysitting."

 

I think you can guess what I think of that video. :glare:

[Jenny in Florida]

Being a parent is hard and important. It's not the hardest job.

 

I said it was the hardest job I had ever done.

[jewellsmommy]

Eh. I don't see a big deal in this video. There may be a teeny tiny resemblance to reality for some families. Of course it's a huge exaggeration. This one didn't do much for me, but I wasn't offended. With the height thing and the chocolate thing, it poked fun at the moms too and not just the dads. They could of left out a majority of the ending, and it may not have aroused such strong feelings. shrug. IDK.

 

Our church acknowledges all the women on Mother's Day because all of them have a child in their life...through extended family, church, friends etc. Same on Father's Day (well with the men though, of course). That said, we don't work the service around either one.

 

There are corny mom videos and corny dad videos. We played "It's a Dad's Life " https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOKuSQIJlog in our church a couple of years ago. I love that video as did the men of our small congregation. Everyone laughed. Afterwards, husbands and wives were identifying which man they were most like. :lol:  Unlike some videos, it showed the dads as very engaged and competent. Our church is very cautious with videos, and to the best of my knowledge, there have never been complaints. If we play a video, it is usually at the beginning as people are coming in or the end after the end of the service, so people can avoid them if they really have an aversion.

[Lisa R.]

I don't think being a mom is the hardest job. I think being a medical coroner, forensic expert, a social worker, psychiatrist and all other fields that directly deal with children who have been violated and/or murdered are the hardest jobs. My mothering (and I'm the parent of a child with mild bi-polar issues and another who was a traumatized adoptee) was a walk in the part compared to those things. My dad's cousin is a nurse in a psych ward for mentally ill teenagers who have committed violent crimes. Her job is harder than any of my parenting challenges. I've met vice cops and military personnel who have had to deal with harder things than my brain can process.

 

Being a parent is hard and important. It's not the hardest job.

 

My husband writes computer software that tests plane engines, makes various types of military aircraft fly by itself should the pilots become incapacitated, makes financial transactions securely from payment kiosks and deposits them into financial institutions and the power company, creates electronic security for various institutions, makes lasers run at 10 to 50 times the speed they used to, makes space stations and satellites work in outer space, secures nuclear weapons, and such. Very few people on the planet can do his job as well at all, much less as well as he does. I can't. He can parent the children just fine in my absence (surgery, vacations.) He may not do it exactly the same way I would and he can't mother them, but he can father them and parent them very well.

LOL. I do so agree with this. I think neurosurgeons everywhere must be thinking, "Being a mom is the hardest job??"

[Ellie]

 

The worst church Mother's Day experience I had was the first MD after my mom died.  I walked into church (we had been going less than a year so I wasn't expecting this) and was offered either a red or white rose to wear.  One color, if my mother was alive; the other, if she was not.  I don't remember which color was which nor do I remember the euphemisms for "alive" and "dead" were used by the lady at the door.  I had never heard of such a thing, but I guess it is common in some places. 

 

I was stunned.  My mom had died in January so it wasn't fresh grief, but still.  This was 2002 and as you can see I am still mad about it. 

 

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

My mother passed away in October of 1998. The following MD I went into church all unsuspecting, and although there was no sappy video, there was still enough gushy MD stuff that I ran out of the church weeping. I didn't go to church on MD for many years, because I just couldn't bear it; Mr. Ellie would take me out somewhere for a nice dinner, in Monterey, or the Texas Hill Country (after we moved here, of course).

 

Happily, the Catholic church I attend doesn't do all that stuff (although flower bouquets are available for purchase).

[Shellydon]

So churches should not recognize mothers/Mother's Day because they might offend some?  What about offending the mothers that they do not recognize?  You can't please everyone all the time.  If a church wants to applaud mothers, I think that is great.  If it is something that offends you, don't go to church that day.  Same for Father's Day.  If you are offended by honoring dads, don't go. 

[*Lulu*]

So churches should not recognize mothers/Mother's Day because they might offend some? What about offending the mothers that they do not recognize? You can't please everyone all the time. If a church wants to applaud mothers, I think that is great. If it is something that offends you, don't go to church that day. Same for Father's Day. If you are offended by honoring dads, don't go.

Ummm.....

 

I don't think the overall message of this thread is "don't recognize Mother's Day" but rather that it is possible to affirm one person without it being at the expense of another.

[Luckymama]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

My mother passed away in October of 1998. The following MD I went into church all unsuspecting, and although there was no sappy video, there was still enough gushy MD stuff that I ran out of the church weeping. I didn't go to church on MD for many years, because I just couldn't bear it; Mr. Ellie would take me out somewhere for a nice dinner, in Monterey, or the Texas Hill Country (after we moved here, of course).

 

Happily, the Catholic church I attend doesn't do all that stuff (although flower bouquets are available for purchase).

I haven't attended church on Mother's Day since the year after Mom died. It's still too hard, even after six years. (My parents attended the same church. I still "see" them sitting in the pew in front of our family.)

[El...]

I haven't attended church on Mother's Day since the year after Mom died. It's still too hard, even after six years. (My parents attended the same church. I still "see" them sitting in the pew in front of our family.)

Awww.  :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

[Kiara.I]

So churches should not recognize mothers/Mother's Day because they might offend some?  What about offending the mothers that they do not recognize?  You can't please everyone all the time.  If a church wants to applaud mothers, I think that is great.  If it is something that offends you, don't go to church that day.  Same for Father's Day.  If you are offended by honoring dads, don't go. 

 

I was talking about this with my husband last night, sparked by this thread, and his objection was similar to yours--you can't please them all.

Agreed.

 

But I think that a church needs to realize that choosing WHAT they offend people about is important.  Offending people over matters of the gospel?  Yup.  Offending them over a hallmark holiday?  Well, I think they should be trying pretty hard to avoid things like that.

 

It comes down to...what percentage of your congregation (or visitors) is it acceptable to wound?  What things are worth wounding them about?  I think that's a VERY important question for a church to be asking itself.  Maybe also...how can they avoid *wounding*, when they're trying to honour?

[marbel]

So churches should not recognize mothers/Mother's Day because they might offend some?  What about offending the mothers that they do not recognize?  You can't please everyone all the time.  If a church wants to applaud mothers, I think that is great.  If it is something that offends you, don't go to church that day.  Same for Father's Day.  If you are offended by honoring dads, don't go. 

 

But there is no reason for a person to be offended if Mother's (or Father's) Day is not recognized in church.   Celebrations of this nature have nothing at all to do with worship.  

 

I'm not offended by it.  I was offended once by the method of recognizing MD.  I simply don't see the need for it.  I certainly don't need "applause" for being a mother.   I don't even get what that means. 

 

ETA: I don't think "offended" is right word.   Hurt, I think, is what people feel.  I'd rather risk offending people by not making a big fuss over MD (or FD) than hurt people by making one.  

 

People are supposed to feel safe at church.  Being at church can't protect people from all hurts, of course. But every effort should be made. 

 

 

[kristi26]

That video was odd...that's all I can say for it. Odd.  

 

As for Mother's Day in church? Our church celebrates women in general on Mother's Day and hands out a rose to each one as they leave (even the little girls). :) I like the way our church does Mother's Day. 

[Xahm]

Our area has a tradition of the flowers and my family wore red roses to church on Mother's Day. After my grandmother died, my father planted a white rosebush in our yard so that he would be ready for the next Mother's Day. The visitation and funeral were hard, but seeing him do that (and he didn't make a deal of it) was the hardest thing for me.

A complete tangent, but this thread brought back that memory for me and I needed to share.

[Renai]

Our church in TX gave flowers to every woman, not just mothers. They said that any woman could be a friend, aunt, sister, who had a love for the children in their lives.

 

 

That video was odd...that's all I can say for it. Odd.  

 

As for Mother's Day in church? Our church celebrates women in general on Mother's Day and hands out a rose to each one as they leave (even the little girls). :) I like the way our church does Mother's Day. 

 

I forgot about the bolded part. That's what our church did too - every female, even the little girls.

[HS Mom in NC]

So churches should not recognize mothers/Mother's Day because they might offend some?  What about offending the mothers that they do not recognize?  You can't please everyone all the time.  If a church wants to applaud mothers, I think that is great.  If it is something that offends you, don't go to church that day.  Same for Father's Day.  If you are offended by honoring dads, don't go. 

 

That's not at all what people said in this thread. Did you read the whole thread? It doesn't seem like you did.  I'll sum up: 

 

 We said the problem is lack of balance by acknowledging only the happy aspects of motherhood and not the very real agonies, unfulfilled longings and trails related to motherhood that a sizable chunk of any congregation has experienced. We're saying if you're going to acknowledge, then acknowledge the whole range of experiences and emotions that come up for people on Mother's Day, both the happy/joyous and the sad/angry ones.

 

Another lack of balance is that many churches will only acknowledge the valuable role of women as mother and neglect to acknowledge the valuable role of single and/or childless women.  If you only regularly acknowledge mothers you send the message that it's the most important role for women and other roles are lesser.  The Bible, in the writings of Paul, clearly teaches otherwise.  If you aren't teaching the whole thing, you're misleading your congregation (even if it's completely unintentional.)

 

Also, many people don't believe it's Biblical to have a human centered focus during congregational church services.  Many have very strong convictions that once Jesus and/or God (not looking for a theological or denominational debate) stops being the center of any given worship service, the worship service isn't acceptable to Jesus/God anymore. 

 

A lot of people said they already don't go to MD church services because it bothers them.

[HS Mom in NC]

Some churches recognize mothers without asking anyone to stand and identify themselves as mothers.  They have gifts near the exit that women can take as they leave after the service without someone handing it to them.  Anyone can take it or leave it as suits them.

[Catwoman]

Some churches recognize mothers without asking anyone to stand and identify themselves as mothers. They have gifts near the exit that women can take as they leave after the service without someone handing it to them. Anyone can take it or leave it as suits them.

I think that is a nice way to handle it.

 

I enjoy Mother's Day, but would feel very awkward being asked to stand up and identify myself as a mom.

[8circles]

I'm so glad my church doesn't do the red/white alive/dead mother thing. How creepy.

 

I wouldn't know how to choose anyway. Alive but might as well be dead, alive but wish she were dead, alive but I'd like to shove the flower where the sun don't shine, how about a black rose for crappy mothers or mothers who should have never been mothers... Too many choices. What's the point?

 

Our church acknowledges all women on mother's day, pointing out that motherhood is just one role. Every woman in the congregation that day gets a flower from the bouquet - I think the teens have even gotten one. We don't have any girls younger than that but they'd probably get one, too.

[Rosie_0801]

Well.... one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say or imply that a man taking care of his own child is akin to "babysitting."

 

 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when it has become true.