umsami Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Trying to plan for the future. How do single Moms with no spouse in the picture and no close by relatives handle kids who are sick? What will I do? I have four kids, and each of them is sick at least 5-6 days per year. The eldest will be 12 next year, so conceivably he could stay at home alone....but the others could not. I may be able to work from home some of the time, but probably not all 20 days or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Do you have a church family or neighbors near by you could call on? There are sitters that will come into your home for sick kids but they might be more expensive and harder to find, esp. if your kids get sick at the same time as all of the other kids. in reality, many parents need to send their kids to school even when they don't feel 100%, esp. if it is just a cold, etc. It is obviously not ideal, but it is reality, esp. for single parents who do not have any sick time of their own they can take so they can stay home with their kids. You might start now with cultivating some relationships so that you could call on someone if needed in an emergency and in turn, you could help them out in the evenings/weekends, etc. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Honestly? Depending on what your job is and how flexible they can be - you use all your sick time and some or all of your vacation time to take off when your kids are sick, you send them to school when it's borderline and pick them up early if you have to (you then get "credit" for having showed up at work), you do what you can from home, and you hope that your employer is understanding and that nobody comes down with anything that takes days to get better. You stress about being there for your kids when they need you, and then you stress about how your job is going to react (especially if you really NEED the job). It pretty much sucks. We do have "sick" daycare around here but I don't know anyone who has actually used it. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 You find a job that has some flexibility and an understanding boss and work environment. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You have lots going on right now and you are trying to figure out how it will all work. Just do the best you can. You are going to have all kinds of situations in the future. You don't have to figure it all out right now. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 What will I do? I have four kids, and each of them is sick at least 5-6 days per year. The eldest will be 12 next year, so conceivably he could stay at home alone....but the others could not. Is there something they all get sick with more frequently ...usually colds, or more like stomach "bugs"? I'm wondering if there are any extra things you can do to help them stay well? Are they good about handwashing? You might want to include a little bottle of hand sanitizer or a handwipe packet in with their lunches so that their hands are clean when they're ready to start eating...even if they wash their hands in the restroom before going to the lunchroom they may end up with germy hands by the time they finally get to their table, especially if they have to open doors, handle money to buy milk, etc. (I'm thinking this strategy might help prevent some of the stomach "bugs"...) Maybe vitamin D supplements would help. My kids aren't little anymore, but they used to be germ magnets. When I started giving them vitamin D supplements they didn't catch everything anymore. One year when I took my son to the dr. she did some bloodwork. When she called me with the results she told me that he was her first patient with normal levels of D. We're in rain/cloud country so supplementing might not be necessary where you live. I'm so sorry about all that you're going through. I wish that you could be closer to your family because you shouldn't have to go through this alone. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 At one job I bring my ds with me, along with a dvd player and sleeping bag. The issue you describe is why many people send kids to school sick. And if they stay home with their kids, they stay home one day and send the kids back to school before they've recovered. In the dark ages (early 70s), my parents left me home in their bed in front of the tv with the phone next to me. My dad would call during the day to check on me. Sometimes, I'd call my grandma. I remember be 7 at the time. You can't do that today. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Is relocating to be near family a possibility? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It's very hard. Thankfully I was able to take my daughter to work with me--she had her own hang out there, and it was private. But that is very unusual. I don't have any friends who would take care of a sick child and risk getting sick themselves. And I wouldn't do that either. I can't remember where you live? Our state now has paid family leave to some extent. That's pretty common in parts of Europe, too, I understand. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 when i was a single mom, i developed a few support networks, each different. 1. other single parents. they were a wealth of knowledge and sympathy/empathy and help. 2. i took in two university students as boarders. for a lower rent, part of their responsibility was childcare when necessary. at one point, they had my kids for three weeks while i was hospitalized. this had the benefit of extra income AND backup. if this isn't an option, finding a university/college students as a babysitter means that they will have daytime babysitting capabilities, at least some of the time. and they will know others who can spell them off. i would have them for dinner sunday nights so that we all got to know one another. sometimes early childhood education programs keep a list of students willing to do childcare. this can be a great source, as there is outside accountability. 3. i had a university student who babysat one night a week, every week, while i took university courses to upgrade qualifications. this lasted for years. it provided a person the kids knew really well. again, during the hospital stay, this was invaluable. 4. a local retired woman who would stay with the kids during the day occasionally. again, this helps with illness. it all costs money, except that i swapped babysitting with other single parents, and the boarders paid me some amount of rent. life is like weaving; we do it one strand at a time. the work is in getting the warp threads all on the loom so that the finished product works the way you want it to. this takes time. sometimes, those threads break and need replacing. but you can only attach those one a time, too. you can do this. (but i am sorry you are having to!) ann 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 There are services to help you line up backup care. Some employers even offer assistance with contracting sick child care. I used to subscribe to care.com, with the intention of identifying and meeting a couple of backup people in my neighborhood. But I never followed through because I didn't end up needing them after all. My work situation is more flexible than most. I usually work at home, but once I had clients flying in from half a country away to meet with me (all day meeting). Of course that was the day my kids (then 6yo) unexpectedly woke up too sick to go to school. I took them to work with me and had them sleeping or reading behind a desk. (I'm an owner so I could get away with that.) But every time I heard a certain kind of noise, I jumped up from the conference table in case it was another nosebleed or a puke session. Ugh. Better yet, I started to come down with their flu. I was worried about infecting the visiting client, who was pregnant. It was not a banner day. :P (But, the client didn't dump us. :) ) Good luck. I recommend lining up a couple of people in advance. Perhaps there is a neighbor or college student who is generally home and can accommodate you on short notice. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Slowly establish a network of support. Do you know any other homeschooling families that have older kids / teens? Would they be willing to be there when there is an emergency situation? Are you attending a religious establishment where people could be of help? Sounds like you have a job lined up or know what you will be doing. Agree with another post upthread. You don't need to figure everything out right now. I am a planner myself and like to cover all possibilities as best I can but don't overwhelm yourself in the midst of this shock. Adjusting to a new life takes time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Most single moms I know find friends that will watch their sick kiddos when needed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Umm, if DS is sick I'm sure not going to ask a friend to come babysit and expose herself/kids/husband to a bug. So I've made my own rules (which work because I'm self-employed and have pretty awesome clients): 1. If he's sick, he sits and doesn't touch anything. I will bring a sick bag with non-schooly things to keep him occupied. 2. Unless he has a fever or is throwing up, he comes to work with me. Yesterday, I took off work in the morning because DS was puking....and now I'm off today because I'm puking. So not looking forward to rescheduling everything for later this week, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Friends from church are the way my single mom friends handle this. When I was a stay at home mom I watched other mom's kids when they were sick. It was ministry, and I never charged them for it. It helped that my kids have fabulous immune systems and never got sick from the other kids. Later when I worked more those mom's kids were older and didn't need a parent at home. Most public schools are funded by attendance and many of them WANT you to send your sick kids and have them stay in the nurses office all day, so depending on where you live you may not need to keep them home. A dear friend of mine had a bitter court battle in Seattle when the school nurse refused to honor the doctor's excuse notes for her dd and the school insisted that the girl had to attend school with migraines and that she could stay in the nurses office sick, but she needed to go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 All vacation time went for sick kid days or studying for tests in college that would allow me a better job and more flexible work schedules. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Call the local hospitals and ask if they have or know of a sick daycare. I think the one in our last town was about $35/day, but that might have been an employee benefit rate (I worked as a nurse at the hospital). Another option is finding another single mom who you trust who works opposite hours as you (IE: one has a full time day job, another works doubles as a weekends only staff nurse in a hospital) and you agree to always watch each other's kids, even if sick. If you really trust each other you could even live together. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I have been home myself due to disability. Still even then it is hard if I also am sick at same time. One person I know used to live near her parents, and soon due to job relocation is going to have her (retired) parents travel with her to the new location--trying for a big enough house, or 2 places in the same complex. This is probably most ideal, if feasible. Others use their vacation and sick leave time, or work from home. Our main vet uses a mixture--has her vet office in her home, but also has a relative nearby--she has a special needs child who needs someone available all the time when not at school, not just a few days per year, as I understand it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It seems like exclusion periods are fairly small for most things provided treatment has started so many people send kids to school anyway. Hugs working it all out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Not exactly the same but when DH was deployed, I brought my sick kiddo to work with me part-day, took leave for the other half (to extend the number of days available), or worked from home. I'd go in to show my face, turn in a leave slip, grab my laptop and be off again. My employer expected me to work all hours of the day and night anyway (which I did without complaint) so I was given a good deal of slack. I think building up good will as early and often as you can by going above and beyond is really important. Employers are more willing to work with/around employees that are 95% reliable and all-around decent human beings. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Definitely, to the extent that you are able, think strategically about the sort of work you will be looking for. You may be better off heading back to school for a couple years if your current skill set would limit you to inflexible working environments. Some states have pretty generous tuition assistance programs for what they term "displaced homemakers" ie women heading back to work after divorce, becoming a widow or the disability or job loss of their spouse. Definitely see what is available to you. It is also worth considering if more services would be available to you in a different state, one that also offers proximity to your side of the family. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Honestly? Depending on what your job is and how flexible they can be - you use all your sick time and some or all of your vacation time to take off when your kids are sick, you send them to school when it's borderline and pick them up early if you have to (you then get "credit" for having showed up at work), you do what you can from home, and you hope that your employer is understanding and that nobody comes down with anything that takes days to get better. You stress about being there for your kids when they need you, and then you stress about how your job is going to react (especially if you really NEED the job). It pretty much sucks. We do have "sick" daycare around here but I don't know anyone who has actually used it. We are a two parent household and that is still how it ends up for my husband. When the kids are sick and mommy is, too, he has to chew up his leave to help us. Same with maternity leave - that's his sick leave used to help me. It's not ideal. I'd check and see if any of your mommy friends could help. I think you might be pleasantly surprised how many moms would help you out, even at the risk of making their own kiddos potentially sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 when i was a single mom, i developed a few support networks, each different. 1. other single parents. they were a wealth of knowledge and sympathy/empathy and help. 2. i took in two university students as boarders. for a lower rent, part of their responsibility was childcare when necessary. at one point, they had my kids for three weeks while i was hospitalized. this had the benefit of extra income AND backup. if this isn't an option, finding a university/college students as a babysitter means that they will have daytime babysitting capabilities, at least some of the time. and they will know others who can spell them off. i would have them for dinner sunday nights so that we all got to know one another. sometimes early childhood education programs keep a list of students willing to do childcare. this can be a great source, as there is outside accountability. 3. i had a university student who babysat one night a week, every week, while i took university courses to upgrade qualifications. this lasted for years. it provided a person the kids knew really well. again, during the hospital stay, this was invaluable. 4. a local retired woman who would stay with the kids during the day occasionally. again, this helps with illness. it all costs money, except that i swapped babysitting with other single parents, and the boarders paid me some amount of rent. life is like weaving; we do it one strand at a time. the work is in getting the warp threads all on the loom so that the finished product works the way you want it to. this takes time. sometimes, those threads break and need replacing. but you can only attach those one a time, too. you can do this. (but i am sorry you are having to!) ann That was genius of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Care.com or other online babysitting websites list babysitters willing to care for sick kids as well as same day care. For that to be useful you'd probably have to interview a lot and keep them all as "backup". Then cycle through the list as needed. Some super large cities have drop off daycare but IDK if they would take sick kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Resign yourself to the fact all sick leave and paid leave will be used for the kids. You will go to work feeling like death. I have a neighbour who cares for them if necessary - on those days 3/4 of my pay goes to her so I am poorer than usual and can't afford to go to the doctor if I get sick. I only have two - I'm not sure I could do it with 4. Here is would be illegal to leave the 12 year old by themself but it may be ok where you are and I'm sure people do it here sometimes at least. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Back when I was working, there was a special day care facility for mildly sick children -- too sick to go to school or regular day care, but not seriously ill. They kept the kids separate, administered meds as required, provided a nice report of the day, and even sent the child home with a "gift bag" containing the items he had played with during the day : his box of crayons, Hot Wheels cars, etc. It wasn't cheap, but it was better than missing a day of work. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 At one job I bring my ds with me, along with a dvd player and sleeping bag. The issue you describe is why many people send kids to school sick. And if they stay home with their kids, they stay home one day and send the kids back to school before they've recovered. In the dark ages (early 70s), my parents left me home in their bed in front of the tv with the phone next to me. My dad would call during the day to check on me. Sometimes, I'd call my grandma. I remember be 7 at the time. You can't do that today. Up until nine, we will tag-team or call a sitter. If you make enough, you can sign up for a subscriber backup nanny service (which I did). Over 9, unless they need to go to the doctor, they stay at home alone. There is no law about it and the guidance is so extreme (basically you can't babysit until you're 18, high school kids aren't allowed to go camping alone, and everyone knows that's just bullcrap) that few apply it. Under a fever of 100, pop an ibuprofen and send them off. Kids cough at school. I once took a day off ONLY for the sake of the teacher's one-year-old, and because I could, and because there'd been strep throat in the class the previous week. Usually they just go sick. Care.com annual $35 subscription is worth it in my opinion. Have a list of 12 sitters by your phone (I'm not kidding: twelve at least). Umsami you are not alone. You can do it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Umsami, I say this very gently, I know you are trying to plan ahead for contingencies and that is admirable, but please don't go borrowing tomorrow's worries today. You have so much to deal with now. Build support for yourself now. Everything else will fall into place when/if needs be. Peace to you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deee Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Most workplaces are used to parents juggling sick kids - its quite normal for families where both parents work. Back when DH and I both worked and DS went to school, whoever had sick leave or annual leave or was less busy that day would stay home. At a pinch, DS would come to work with me (impossible for my husband who worked in a laboratory). I remember going to work with my mum as a kid. I loved it! I've never asked what she thought of it...... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 You need backup. Try to find emergency childcare before you need it. It's not just sick days. It's snow days, school holidays that don't coincide with work holidays, summer vacation, and random in-service days that schools are closed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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