Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I know it's only been three months. I would tell a friend: give it at least six months before you make any kind of internal decision re: whether you like your new state or not. Plus we moved here in the bleakest of months: it's cold, wet, grey. The people are very friendly. Oh, but the traffic. I wanted to be in a big place so my kids would have access to a lot like science museums etc., but everything is such a drive away. And not just a drive, but a drive w/ traffic. Some of the highway stretches are fine, but some are scary w/ trucks driving really fast. Police are pulling speeders over right and left. I'm really missing the state we were in for five years. And, while the town was smallish, it was a nice size for getting wherever you needed to be in 20 mins. Plus it's so weird not having a full schedule. We normally had a lot going on w/ friends coming in and out. Here we're just not making friends as quickly as I'd hoped -- and I've scheduled a few activities for the kids, but it takes time to find the right piano, guitar etc. teacher. Thanks for listening to me vent. DH doesn't want to hear it. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: When I moved to another state it took a year before I felt comfortable and like I belonged there. Finding new activities that weren't available in the old place helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It sounds like you moved to D.C. Metro area! ;) Definitely give yourself time to acclimate. Remember, it's harder to make new friends when it's dreary and cold; it is the "hibernation" cycle and people are not naturally keen to nurture friendships during this cycle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I've been here 7 years. I'm still trying to adjust. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It sounds like you moved to D.C. Metro area! ;) Definitely give yourself time to acclimate. Remember, it's harder to make new friends when it's dreary and cold; it is the "hibernation" cycle and people are not naturally keen to nurture friendships during this cycle. This gave me a chuckle because I thought the same thing. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I moved 5 1/2 months ago. I will say this has been our hardest move ever. We have met people but no one has time for close friendships. We go to things....scouts, sports, homeschool school group meeting...but people are so busy. I have invited one family here and they finally accepted. And it took 2 months before she invited us over. We are a good 25-30min apart. Most everyone else is busy with multiple coops. We do have some neighborhood kids my kids spend time with. But it's different. I haven't found my place yet. And the other day dd said she missed her friends back east. First I had heard about it. But reality is, we are all adjusting and it's just that weird place right now. I had hoped to do more museums and such. But Sat we drove to the city.....couldn't find parking to the thing I wanted to do, so we headed to another thing we wanted...construction made traffic a mess. Again, I could not find anywhere to park. Ok, next idea...headed that way and got stuck in traffic not moving at all. Ended up just driving through town and headed home. So our 4-5 ideas...we drove near them all but couldn't park or move enough to get to them. I was so frustrated!!! We stayed home the last 2 days. I feel like it's just too crowded everywhere. I'm thinking vacationing here more would have been a better idea. I love things about here. I like the people I have met. But it's been very hard this move. Kids are putting on a good face. But it's pretty lonely. And my dh doesn't want to hear it either. He loves work. He's got other people to talk to during the day. We keep trying and I know in a few months it will be better. It's better than it was 3 months ago. At least we are getting better than normal weather...I don't think I could do a normal dark winter right now. And I didn't like where we lived the last 10 years...I wanted to get out. But yes, I miss it some. It was smaller. And I knew my way around. And we had a small good circle of friends. So I would say hang in there. I know for me it's better than a few months ago. And I hope the next few will be better. You aren't alone in your situation. We have to just keep trying. Normal will come. In the next year right?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yes, it can be quite lonely at first. But spring will be here very soon! I'm going to say this and then duck and run--it can take 2-3 years to feel fully acclimated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 I've been here 7 years. I'm still trying to adjust. *sigh* Okay, this really freaks me out. I think I'm at a point where I just want my kids to be okay and they've made a couple of friends here, but nothing really fantastic yet. And nobody in the neighborhood. We're in an area where the kids are in college or young adults. And did I tell you that DH really doesn't want to hear from me?! Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 I feel a little bit better hearing from you guys. I have a sister in law who moves w/ the military every three years and raves about "loving the adventure." And kind of acts like she doesn't get my melancholy at all. So I don't say much. They're about ready to get a new assignment and she's chomping at the bit. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: There are some people who move a lot and love the adventure, but it's still an adjustment. Three months really isn't much time at all, but you know that. I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel about a place when I get to spend a second year there. Not only do I have to adjust to all the new things people usually bring up, I also need to get to know the climate and seasonal changes in a new year to really start to feel settled in. Sometimes I try to focus on fixing one thing. If my kids are happy, that makes everything easier, so I work on that. Or I find a way to get everyone out of the house that isn't stressful. Or I focus on some project that I can do at home while I wait for my brain to catch up with the new place. Or I spend more time with online friends that stick with me through all the moves. Or I figure out a way to get out and explore my new home- that's often been the most helpful thing of all, pretending to be a tourist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Vent away! Moving from where you've lived a long time is hard. Give yourself more time to settle in emotionally and establish new routines. It took me more than a year to start feeling "at home" after we made a big move. Learning how to get around a new area and making connections with new people takes time. Add in a different climate or a different feel to the seasons, and the adjustment is that much bigger. Hope you meet some kindred souls soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jpanik Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I think you do need a bit more time. We have moved a lot as my husband was career AF and we have moved due to corporate relocations since he retired. It's MUCH harder in the civilian world so don't be too discouraged by your sister-in-law's comments. I think there are definite patterns to a move, whether it is around the world, around the corner or someplace in between. First is the honeymoon stage where everything is new and exciting, then there is the stage where nothing is right. Maybe we didn't like the place we lived before, but at least it was familiar! Now we can't work out the traffic, the parking, where the best grocery store is, etc. No friends, no nothing now that the initial busy-ness of the move is over, the initial excitement of discovering new things has passed. But it does get better! Winter is a tough time to move. I hated Seattle when we first moved to the area . . . .it was dark and dreary, people actually said to me that they liked the dynamics of the homeschool group and that while we could visit, we weren't really welcomed to join. That was our first civilian move and it was awful and I never thought I would find my place. But we did. And grew to love the area. Ten years later, we moved here to Australia and went through the same thing: Honeymoon, Everything is terrible, OK maybe it's not that bad and then realising we like it here! In both cases, my husband trotted straight off to work, had work friends and really, not so much changed for him as it did for the children and I. I think that is normal. He didn't get how hard it was for me. Spring is coming and things always seem nicer in the spring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I feel a little bit better hearing from you guys. I have a sister in law who moves w/ the military every three years and raves about "loving the adventure." And kind of acts like she doesn't get my melancholy at all. So I don't say much. They're about ready to get a new assignment and she's chomping at the bit. Alley We're retired military. I understand what your sil is saying, but the culture she lives in is very different from yours. Most likely everyone she knows will move within 3 years, so friendships have to happen fast. Everyone in the military community is facing the same thing, so it's really easy to find commonalities. When we moved to a location without a military base and very few military, we found it completely different. Most of the people had their lifelong friends and weren't looking for new friendships, especially with a family who would be moving in a couple of years. It took us over 2 years to feel settled and for friendships to begin forming. By the time 3 years were up, we were moving and saying goodbye again. When we moved to Winnipeg in January, we thought it strange no one came to say hello or introduce themselves. What we found, however, is that it was so cold everyone stayed inside. It wasn't until it started warming up in May that we saw and met friendly neighbors, Give yourself time; friendships take time to build. We've been in our current location 3 years and it's just within the last few months I feel we're beginning to make friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 This gave me a chuckle because I thought the same thing. LOL Me 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Okay, this really freaks me out. I think I'm at a point where I just want my kids to be okay and they've made a couple of friends here, but nothing really fantastic yet. And nobody in the neighborhood. We're in an area where the kids are in college or young adults. And did I tell you that DH really doesn't want to hear from me?! Alley The thing that bothers me the most is that it sounds like your dh is not being understanding and sympathetic, but that he is basically telling you to suck it up and deal with it. And that is not right. Your family is a team, and your dh needs to take your feelings into account. It is ridiculous and inexcusable that he isn't listening to you and trying to help you feel better about the move. I'm so sorry, Alley. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: its hard. fwiw, when we were military, i tried really, really hard to not ask "do i like it here?" and "am i adjusting?"... its a bit like asking "do you like your sil/dil/etc?" because they are who your child picked - there really isn't a choice. (and it is very different for the working parent. they drop into a ready made position and group and social life. ) i coped by focusing on the upcoming holiday. eg. i wonder what they do around here for valentine's day/st. patrick's day/easter, etc. and i would try to plan to do some of those things. i made lists of new experiences/new places/new flavours etc, etc., and then systematically tried those. and i focused on our home life.... reading in bed with kids before lights out, reading in bed with kids before coffee, decorating, baking, singing/playing and instrument together...... its a journey..... good luck! :grouphug: :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 We have moved around a lot and we travel with dh for work. Every place has good and bad. It takes time to find friends. For those of you whose husbands are working can he arrange dinner or something with a coworker and their family? We also tend to meet people at church. My dd is still young and often times I meet people at the play ground still. I am not sure where to meet moms with older kids that aren't always so busy because I haven't been there and done that yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: We have moved a lot. I do like the adventure of new places and starting out fresh. However, I learned pretty early on that I have to be patient with myself. It takes me about three years to fully adjust. Once I realized that, I didn't get as frustrated with myself. While that may sound discouraging, realize that it doesn't mean I wasn't making smaller adjustments all along to find some niches; just that by three years (usually the last 2-3 months of that 3 years) I felt much more settled and at home. I think that is normal for a lot of people, especially if you are moving where the population is not very transient (maybe more years for the extremely stable communities). The husbands often move into a sort of ready-made community at work, and it is hard for them to understand the SAHM situation sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Okay, this really freaks me out. I think I'm at a point where I just want my kids to be okay and they've made a couple of friends here, but nothing really fantastic yet. And nobody in the neighborhood. We're in an area where the kids are in college or young adults. And did I tell you that DH really doesn't want to hear from me?! Alley Sorry. Just being very honest. I don't hate it here. Not at all. It's just sucky with no family around. And being a homeschooler in an area where everything is tied to the local schools is not great either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Two years for us to adjust to south Florida. Even after seven years I would not call us social yet. The problem is I am from a Bible Belt lifestyle now living amongst "Yankees" and other transplants. They are not the problem, I am. But, being outside every day is pure heaven to me. I would not go back for a million dollars. So the moral of my story is move to a great climate. Even if friends are absent, it is always a pretty day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingaway Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I move with the military, and yes, it is an adventure and I like it, but it still stinks. We take months to settle in and unlike you, we have the advantage of being easily able to connect with other military people who have a similar life. I know I'm getting used to the new place when months later I say, "you know the traffic around here really isn't as bad as it used to be." I've also learned that it's always going to take longer than I think it should to adjust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Hang in there! 2 years ago we moved to the town where my husband has worked for several years. We attend the same church, shop the same stores, and use the same gym but I still struggled. Once there was a parade blocking my route home and I broke down in tears clueless how to go a different way. It took a year for me to feel settled and about 18 months to really like my new town and quit longing for my old one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 The thing that bothers me the most is that it sounds like your dh is not being understanding and sympathetic, but that he is basically telling you to suck it up and deal with it. And that is not right. Your family is a team, and your dh needs to take your feelings into account. It is ridiculous and inexcusable that he isn't listening to you and trying to help you feel better about the move. I'm so sorry, Alley. :( I couldn't agree w/ you more of course. This is pretty much DH's MO. I don't think he's unsympathetic -- I think he just doesn't know what to do and was hoping I'd roll w/ it easier. In the year before we moved he was miserable and never really told me until one day he said that he "dreaded" going to work. That was my first clue that he was having an awful time. So he bucks up, he seems to think that's what everyone should do. We moved here so DH could have a better job. And he loves his new job. But, yeah, it's a bummer. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Alicia, we're really good movers. We have been living in our current place for four weeks and already feel pretty at home (no deep friendships, of course, but we have things to do and people to hang out with). Moving is hard. But there are ways to make it easier. At the beginning, do everything. Join every class that you might possibly be interested, join mom email lists (even if you have to pay $35 to join), put your kids in AWANA, go to every potluck, etc, etc, etc. You'll find some are good fits, some are terrible fits, and some are good only because you meet someone who tells you about some group you actually want to belong to. After a few months, begin culling anything truly awful. The worst way to live in a city is to try to pretend it is the country. I hated living in Boston until my car broke down and I had to go everywhere on foot, bus, or bike. Then I loved it! I didn't like downtown Chicago until I stopped going to the suburbs and started riding the bus. (Maybe you live in a suburb?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 :grouphug: It sounds like it could be my metro area too, but I think any in the top 20-30 can be that way! I think it does just take a while and it is hard to move and adapt to a new place in the winter. Give it some time. Be patient with yourself. I think OVER joining might be something to try for a season. We have done that at different points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I also agree with the over joining, and possibly getting a very small part time job doing something where you interact with a lot of people. I used to work in a big hotel before we bought the restaurant and those people are your FAMILY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Ugh. February is the WORST in homeschooling even if you're not moving. I can't imagine your own personal culture shock to that. Spring will likely be much better when people are ready to get outdoors and lighten up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 The thing that bothers me the most is that it sounds like your dh is not being understanding and sympathetic, but that he is basically telling you to suck it up and deal with it. And that is not right. Your family is a team, and your dh needs to take your feelings into account. It is ridiculous and inexcusable that he isn't listening to you and trying to help you feel better about the move. I'm so sorry, Alley. :( Well I don't know the entire situation with Alley. I don't complain. Not because my husband would tell me to suck it up, but he did move here from another country so me complaining about moving 3 hours away seems kinda not so nice. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 At the beginning, do everything. Join every class that you might possibly be interested, join mom email lists (even if you have to pay $35 to join), put your kids in AWANA, go to every potluck, etc, etc, etc. You'll find some are good fits, some are terrible fits, and some are good only because you meet someone who tells you about some group you actually want to belong to. After a few months, begin culling anything truly awful. The worst way to live in a city is to try to pretend it is the country. I hated living in Boston until my car broke down and I had to go everywhere on foot, bus, or bike. Then I loved it! I didn't like downtown Chicago until I stopped going to the suburbs and started riding the bus. (Maybe you live in a suburb?) Emily, I couldn't agree more. I started off joining everything and my boys, both 11, completely balked. I have them in a one month co-op and found piano and theater for one son. But both boys just beg to stay home. They like our house, thank goodness, and seem to want to nest. I also take them to SkyZone two to three times a week -- I got them in a Winter Pass. I'm hoping the exercise helps their mood. We are in a suburb. I wish we were in a city. It's a very nice suburb, but. . . well, I miss the city-like vibe of our former place. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I hate suburbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegularMom Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 We moved about 7 months ago, and we're still adjusting. We're busy, and we're out and about and doing lots of things with people, but it's not the same as really knowing the people you're doing things with. We have tons of acquaintances here, but it takes a long time to make deep lasting friendships. It can feel lonely. But on the plus side: we're doing more as a family, and we're able to stay home and get work done more than we had been before. So, there's a trade off, I guess. I find it takes us a good 5 years to feel REALLY settled somewhere. Sadly, it seems like every time we hit that 5 year mark, we end up moving again. We try to stay put, but RegularDad's job is the kind that you need to move with sometimes. This time... we're hoping it's the last. :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I can commiserate with you. Moving is hard. We also moved to a place with a ton of traffic, and it's really miserable. There are a lot of positives here, but our adjustment has been just been difficult. We have been here for 2 1/2 YEARS, and I feel like I'm still adjusting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 I can commiserate with you. Moving is hard. We also moved to a place with a ton of traffic, and it's really miserable. There are a lot of positives here, but our adjustment has been just been difficult. We have been here for 2 1/2 YEARS, and I feel like I'm still adjusting. Nooooooooooo. . .!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Alicia, after I wrote what I did I realized it probably sounded pretty jerky. Moving is hard. Some places are much easier to move to than others. Some places are full of people you can easily get along with. Some are full of people you don't jive with (like our sojourn in a hippie/surfer town). Some places take a lot of adjusting to (like my learning to drive on the east coast after years in California). My kids haven't lived anywhere for more than 3 years. They aren't experiencing roots being pulled up. Don't give up. Where we mainly live, we met our best friends 4 months after moving at a party! We haven't had best friends this good since college. It took my daughter 2 years to find a best friend - but now she has a best friend who lives across the street from us. The first few months are really hard and especially hard in winter. Spring will come, and I hope it gets better. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It sounds like you moved to D.C. Metro area! ;) I thought the same thing. It's crazy how many people thought the same. Some places require more effort to find a community. We move around often and some places have been easier than others. Don't give up. The effort will be worth it in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 well, when we moved to the NoVA/DC area in 2010...I was so happy. We met the most amazing people there and very quickly!!! I was sad to leave after 15 months. DH hated it. I was so sad to leave.... But I met a gal years ago who moved as much as we did and her rule of thumb was never turn down an invitation. I try to remember that. I turned one down recently and I wished later I hadn't. And some times only time makes situations better. I have to believe by summer we will be in a better place with connections. Right now I need to believe that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Alicia, after I wrote what I did I realized it probably sounded pretty jerky. Moving is hard. Some places are much easier to move to than others. Some places are full of people you can easily get along with. Some are full of people you don't jive with (like our sojourn in a hippie/surfer town). Some places take a lot of adjusting to (like my learning to drive on the east coast after years in California). My kids haven't lived anywhere for more than 3 years. They aren't experiencing roots being pulled up. Don't give up. Where we mainly live, we met our best friends 4 months after moving at a party! We haven't had best friends this good since college. It took my daughter 2 years to find a best friend - but now she has a best friend who lives across the street from us. The first few months are really hard and especially hard in winter. Spring will come, and I hope it gets better. Hugs. Oh no -- you didn't come across as jerky at all. In fact, I was trying to say that I had your exact idea: join everything! Let's get going! But my boys were all, "Heck no!" Today when I mentioned it to them again one actually said, "We're still grieving." First time I heard that. :crying: Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 This time of year is so tough that maybe staying in and nesting is best for now anyhow, and you can really start encouraging the more "let's sign up for everything" approach once it's warmer and not so dreary. Spring will be here soon! Are there any homeschool groups in your suburb that have park days? I've found that to be a wonderful way for newcomers to break into the local homeschooling social scene. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 When dh was in the Air Force, we moved several times. It always took a full year before I felt "home". I just stayed busy and tried to get involved everywhere I could, whether it was church, or taking classes, or going to the gym, or getting to know the neighbors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 If the boys won't leave the house, can YOU take a class or join a book club? You don't have to grieve in the same way that the boys do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafdog Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Moved just about a year ago..and while I love the new place, I'm still adjusting, too. It's been harder to meet people my age than I thought - all the 40-something mamas are at work all day here, and the last town we lived in had lots of SAHMs. I'm still very glad we moved (hated my last town) - but I've been surprised at how long it's taken me to settle in, nonetheless. Give your self(ves) time. And be kind to yourself. It's OK to mourn what you had while looking for the good in your new home town. TL:DR Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5wolfcubs Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 It sounds like you moved to D.C. Metro area! ;) I agree! Although, I'm almost thinking you were in VA? If you were, and left, know that it is cold and gray here still. The traffic is still horrible. And everything is still a drive...in that horrible traffic! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyerin Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 We're experiencing some of the same. We had been in the Houston suburbs, my husband's job sent us elsewhere for 4 years, and we just moved "back" but to a different suburb than we were in before. So it's similar, but not the same. All of my friends from when my kids were preschoolers either live 30-45min away in our old suburb, or aren't homeschooling, or just have their own lives and communities that they've built up in the intervening 4 years, so it's not like I can just fall back into my old place. I feel pretty lost and isolated, which is strange, because I "know" this city! We've not connected yet with local homeschool groups because they're SO BIG and OVERWHELMING. I need to just suck it up and try, though. Anyway, if you happen to be in Houston, send me a PM! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I feel your pain. We moved almost 3 years ago. The area I left I had been in my entire adult life.....and only an hour and half from where I graduated high school. We didn't move that far.....just 2 hours....but since my home town and my mom are in the opposite direction I am now over 3 hours away from them. I think we have settled in nicely. Ds14 is happy...he has made a lot of friends. But sometimes when I am driving to my house I think what in the world am I doing living here! I miss the familiarity of my old city and nearby small town. Dh has been out of work for months and I kept hoping he would find something back home.....but he was hired yesterday at a company in the city so guess we are here to stay for now. The friends I have are through my congregation.....if I didn't have that not sure what I would do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Dh has been out of work for months and I kept hoping he would find something back home.....but he was hired yesterday at a company in the city so guess we are here to stay for now. I am so happy for you about the job news :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I am so happy for you about the job news :grouphug: Thank you. And I am thrilled.....:). It didn't come off that way in my post since I was whining about not getting to get to go back home.....but I am soooo happy Dh has a job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Alicia, we're really good movers. We have been living in our current place for four weeks and already feel pretty at home (no deep friendships, of course, but we have things to do and people to hang out with). Moving is hard. But there are ways to make it easier. At the beginning, do everything. Join every class that you might possibly be interested, join mom email lists (even if you have to pay $35 to join), put your kids in AWANA, go to every potluck, etc, etc, etc. You'll find some are good fits, some are terrible fits, and some are good only because you meet someone who tells you about some group you actually want to belong to. After a few months, begin culling anything truly awful. The worst way to live in a city is to try to pretend it is the country. I hated living in Boston until my car broke down and I had to go everywhere on foot, bus, or bike. Then I loved it! I didn't like downtown Chicago until I stopped going to the suburbs and started riding the bus. (Maybe you live in a suburb?) We've moved a lot (in 8 years we've lived in 4 states and are prepping for another potential move) and I'm pretty good at it too. I moved every 1-2 years as a kid as well for the most part cause my parents are odd. I do get excited about a new move each time but even with that I have a definite pattern and it's not all roses and sunshine. The first 1-3 months is honeymoon period. Everything's new and interesting you're just so busy getting things unpacked, kids enrolled in stuff, etc that it flies by. Then the "I hate this place I want to go back" kicks in and lasts until the 1.5 year mark honestly. It fades a bit but it's there. Like someone else said once you start experiencing seasonal things for the 2nd and 3rd time everything feels better. You're more acclimated, you can plan ahead because you know this town has a big tree lighting ceremony Dec 1st every year or that in winter people hibernate so it's best to just do the same and not be offended. When we went to get pumpkins at the same farm for the third year it gave me all sorts of warm fuzzies about being settled :) But the reason I quoted Emily up above was to second all of her advice. When we moved here after a terrible 2 year stay in WV I decided I was going to meet people if it killed me. I committed to say yes to everything! And I mean everything! It didn't matter if I hated all the books in the bible study club, I joined right up and went every week and it became the highlight of my week for the adult chatting and playtime for my kids. Someone needed help? Sure, I'll bring a meal (even if I got lost 3x trying to find their house). There's some odd festival I've never heard of? I'm there! lol! After 1.5 years I started culling all my overcommitments and dropped the things I wasn't loving and culled to just the things I felt fit our family. As a result we know more people here than in our own hometown, lol! Seriously, it worked, we're much more settled and happy here than anywhere else we've been in spite of the fact that there are big disadvantages to the area. If we can stay I'll be happy, but if we move for DH to find a better job I'll definitely be using this tactic again. It's exhausting that first year but very worthwhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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