Do you give a Valentine's present and Easter basket to your college age-ish adult kids?

[FloridaLisa]

Does it matter if they're married? Do you only give if they're home or do you mail these packages away to them? Do you keep doing it after college until some point? 

 

I'm more curious than anything....trying to figure out where I fall in the spectrum of this parenting decision.

 

Thanks!

Lisa

[Ali in OR]

Not there yet, but I think I'll take any excuse possible to bless my college-age and young adult kids.  Maybe more like gift cards, cash, or an Amazon package direct-shipped to them than an actual Easter basket (assuming they are away at college). But, yes, definitely I hope to do something for them and those holidays are a good excuse for a package/gift. I know I would have appreciated it.

[creekland]

We send Easter care packages to our college boys and we always did baskets for them when they were home.

 

Valentine's has never been any sort of holiday for us at home.  It never occurred to me to give our guys anything for that at any stage in life.  Hubby and I did use Valentine's as an excuse to go out for coconut pancakes for brunch today, but considering my mom was with us, I'm not sure I'd put it in the "date" category.  It was just an excuse.

 

My married son no longer gets an Easter care package, but we occasionally send him and our DIL things - just because.  Other than Christmas and birthdays it's more of a whim than anything planned.

[Guest]

My dad wrote me a Valentine's card every year until I got married.  It was just from him to me, it was just signed, "Love, Dad" and it meant the world.  He is/was not demonstrative, and he always just left all "that stuff" to my mom--so the effort he made on this was impressive, and it meant a lot.  

 

I checked "both" in the options above, but it's really a card on V-day and a basket on Pascha (Easter).

 

[Muttichen]

I mailed homemade truffles to my college kids, post college kids, and their "significant others."

[FloridaLisa]

My dad wrote me a Valentine's card every year until I got married.  It was just from him to me, it was just signed, "Love, Dad" and it meant the world.  He is/was not demonstrative, and he always just left all "that stuff" to my mom--so the effort he made on this was impressive, and it meant a lot.  

 

I checked "both" in the options above, but it's really a card on V-day and a basket on Pascha (Easter).

 

That is truly special. Funny the things that our parents choose to emphasize and connect with us. 

 

Lisa

[FloridaLisa]

Not there yet, but I think I'll take any excuse possible to bless my college-age and young adult kids.  Maybe more like gift cards, cash, or an Amazon package direct-shipped to them than an actual Easter basket (assuming they are away at college). But, yes, definitely I hope to do something for them and those holidays are a good excuse for a package/gift. I know I would have appreciated it.

 

Aw, you're kids are going to LOVE it. My kids aren't that far from home and I see them fairly often and I don't think I'm intentional enough with them. 

 

Lisa

[FloridaLisa]

We send Easter care packages to our college boys and we always did baskets for them when they were home.

 

Valentine's has never been any sort of holiday for us at home.  It never occurred to me to give our guys anything for that at any stage in life.  Hubby and I did use Valentine's as an excuse to go out for coconut pancakes for brunch today, but considering my mom was with us, I'm not sure I'd put it in the "date" category.  It was just an excuse.

 

My married son no longer gets an Easter care package, but we occasionally send him and our DIL things - just because.  Other than Christmas and birthdays it's more of a whim than anything planned.

 

This is about where I am. Valentines is noted with a little candy bag for each and I'm bigger about Easter. Our kids have always been home for Easter except oldest once he married.  Then, he was cut off from the Easter basket.  :tongue_smilie:  And Christmas stocking.  And valentines. I figure at that point, the marrieds get to give each other the gifts and make their own traditions. 

 

Lisa

[FloridaLisa]

I mailed homemade truffles to my college kids, post college kids, and their "significant others."

 

Oh dear, SO's haven't even been on the radar!

 

Lisa

[PuddleJumper1]

Age doesn't matter here :) My oldest did declare himself too old for an actual basket but he still enjoys receiving something on Easter or V-day. I still get small remembrances from my parents (as do dh and the kids). I think it's wonderful.  This year we included ds' girlfriend. 

 

If you are here (or at grandma's) on a holiday you get something even if you aren't family. Ds brought several of his college friends for this past Easter and each got a bag of Easter goodies.

 

It's fun. I love any reason to give extra treats.

[JustEm]

I don't have adult children but I'll write what my parents and in laws do. My parents never gave Valentine's to anyone. We got individual Easter baskets till I was in high school, I'm the youngest. Then they started a communal candy bowl at easter for everyone who came. They still do this.

 

Fil made baskets for his adult kids and their spouses with candy, alcohol, and a gift card until that started having kids. Now he makes little baskets for his grandkids.

 

Mil makes baskets for grandkids and gives the adults a card with a gift card in it.

[Mom22ns]

I don't give Valentines presents or Easter baskets to my high school kids so I can't imagine starting when they go away to college. We never did Valentines gifts and stopped doing Easter baskets years ago, I can't even remember when.

 

Christmas and birthdays are the only holidays we give gifts for and they will get those forever.

[AK_Mom4]

I send regular Care Boxes to my college kids.  And occasionally to my Air Force kid who is still single and in training.

 

Valentines Day, Christmas, Finals, Thanksgiving, or even just because I feel like it.  It's one of the ways I show that I've been thinking about them and miss them.

 

[Catwoman]

I mailed homemade truffles to my college kids, post college kids, and their "significant others."

Can I be one of your kids next Valentine's Day? I'll admit I'm mainly in it for the truffles, but I promise to be very appreciative when I get my package. :D

[The Girls' Mom]

We are mostly about the candy on both of those holidays, but no signs of stopping the giving just because they age out :)  I'm sure it will dwindle as they move away, but I might get a wild hair and mail stuff.  

[AK_Mom4]

Are the people replying suggesting sending Valentine's gifts to the kids' college campus? Or to their house where the child may live near? :confused1:  My kids are young, but I would assume (possibly wrongly) that it would mortify my son if I did that to him lol

 

Edited: perhaps I'm thinking of the less discreet deliveries.

 

"Mortified"  definitely is NOT the word.  "OVERJOYED" is probably closer.

 

My college kids have all been universally delighted to get boxes from home full of cookies, candy, reading material (I send comic books), fun toys as often as I send them.  DS19 says all his friends converge when someone shows up with a Priority Mail box - hoping for handouts.

 

For Halloween, I sent him a box of homemade sugar cookies shaped like cats and pumpkins.  These were a huge hit and were the guest stars at the Sunday afternoon Board Game club.  A couple weeks ago, I raided the valentine candy aisle and sent him Gummy Lips and candy hearts.  I was informed that "Weirder Is Better" for candy, LOL.

[creekland]

"Mortified"  definitely is NOT the word.  "OVERJOYED" is probably closer.

 

My college kids have all been universally delighted to get boxes from home full of cookies, candy, reading material (I send comic books), fun toys as often as I send them.  DS19 says all his friends converge when someone shows up with a Priority Mail box - hoping for handouts.

 

For Halloween, I sent him a box of homemade sugar cookies shaped like cats and pumpkins.  These were a huge hit and were the guest stars at the Sunday afternoon Board Game club.  A couple weeks ago, I raided the valentine candy aisle and sent him Gummy Lips and candy hearts.  I was informed that "Weirder Is Better" for candy, LOL.

 

We don't do Valentine's, but our care packages do seem to be loved even though I don't bake homemade things - I didn't when they were home either.  They just get favorites from home (store-bought things).

 

We make sure we include enough for sharing and have even had special requests from friends which we make sure to fulfill.  ;)

[Melinda in VT]

Are the people replying suggesting sending Valentine's gifts to the kids' college campus? Or to their house where the child may live near? :confused1:  My kids are young, but I would assume (possibly wrongly) that it would mortify my son if I did that to him lol

 

Edited: perhaps I'm thinking of the less discreet deliveries.

 

??

 

What kind of gifts do you think parents give kids for Valentine's?

 

My at-home kids get a small box of chocolates. We're new at the college thing this year, but I figured Valentine's is as good a time as any for a care package.

 

It had socks, a card, trail mix, two kinds of Valentine's candy, markers that draw on glass, a slinky, an iTunes gift card, and the pants he left home accidentally when he returned to college after Christmas. The socks and the slinky were the big hits.

[AndyJoy]

Are the people replying suggesting sending Valentine's gifts to the kids' college campus? Or to their house where the child may live near? :confused1: My kids are young, but I would assume (possibly wrongly) that it would mortify my son if I did that to him lol

 

Edited: perhaps I'm thinking of the less discreet deliveries.

I didn't know a single college student who would have been mortified even by a cheesy flashy basket from their parents if there were candy involved. Goofy and fun is cool again in college once you're out of the awkward teen stage IMO.

[creekland]

I didn't know a single college student who would have been mortified even by a cheesy flashy basket from their parents if there were candy involved. Goofy and fun is cool again in college once you're out of the awkward teen stage IMO.

 

:iagree:  We tend to look for goofy and fun things.  I was shopping for my boys recently and had a store owner ask me what I was looking for... I told her we didn't know for sure, we just needed "cute" since it was for my college boys.

[Hikin' Mama]

I answered no. But I do other things throughout the year for them that they appreciate. I now have a grandchild to send stuff to and another one on the way. I sent her a musical Valentine card and she loved it. My dil posted a video of her opening and closing it and laughing over it. (She's 1.5). It made my day!

[Joyofsixreboot]

We're not holiday people. No V- tines for anyone. Easter basket until about 12.

[Guest]

We send Easter care packages to our college boys and we always did baskets for them when they were home.

 

Valentine's has never been any sort of holiday for us at home. It never occurred to me to give our guys anything for that at any stage in life. Hubby and I did use Valentine's as an excuse to go out for coconut pancakes for brunch today, but considering my mom was with us, I'm not sure I'd put it in the "date" category. It was just an excuse.

 

My married son no longer gets an Easter care package, but we occasionally send him and our DIL things - just because. Other than Christmas and birthdays it's more of a whim than anything planned.

I don't have one in college yet, but this is what I expect to do.

 

We don't make much of Valentine's Day, either, and it's never been an occasion where we give gifts or candy to the kids.

[Orthodox6]

Pascha baskets are for families, not for individuals, in our Eastern Orthodox practice. Although DS#1 is married for over four years now, I still slip him and D-I-L some special foods for their family basket.

 

Valentine's Day never has been observed in our family. A non-issue. Plus, the feast day for the saint occurs in July!

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I think that's awesome :) I just thought that a guy would get ribbed... "ooh your mom got you something for Valentine's Day?!" type of thing. This has given me new insight.

 

When DH was in school his mom sending homemade cookies for a holiday was greatly appreciated by him...and his friends. I do the same for DS1.  We were never as big on Valentine's Day around here but I still make sure he gets something from home that day anyway. 

[ScoutTN]

I am close to 50 and my mom always does something for me for both of those holidays! :)

[Artichoke]

We're not big Valentine's people either, but I do send Girl Scout cookies. Cookies are ready earlier that week . Easter is usually homemade cookies and a more personal note of a Christian nature.

[Murphy101]

Once our kids are teens, santa and the bunny stop coming. They still get a little something from us though.

 

My husband has given every kid a personal Valentine card and sweet. If married, I suspect he would include the wife. If with kids, I suspect he would stop with our kids and just give Valentine's to the grandkids.

[Tammi K]

We don't give Valentine's or Easter candy to any of our kids and haven't for the last few years because no one eats it and it sits around for weeks until I throw it away.  (Just today when I mentioned that I didn't get any candy, my daughter said..."I like Valentine's day candy better after Valentine's Day so you can get more of it for less money."  I pointed out that she wouldn't eat it anyway. She just chuckled and said, "Well, yes. There is that." )

[Melissa in Australia]

Other. We don't give them to any of our kids

[Ellie]

Truth: we never gave Valentine's Day presents to our children of any age; we didn't do Easter baskets at all, either, although there were two or three years when the dc were all grown up and I was working that I bought Longaberger Easter baskets and put fun stuff in them. I don't think any of my friends gave Valentine's Day presents to their children, either.

[Catwoman]

My ds is still a teenager so I didn't vote in the poll, but our house rule is "any excuse for gift-giving is good enough for us," so I'm sure I will be giving him gifts for all occasions forever. :)

 

This poll got me thinking of that adorable K-Mart commercial where the boy surprises his grandmother with sweet gifts and a card for Valentine's Day and then they sit down to eat together. :001_wub:

[Muttichen]

Oh dear, SO's haven't even been on the radar!

 

Lisa

 

These are serious SO's -- oldest ds is married, oldest dd is engaged, middle dd and ds both are in serious enough relationships that their SO's have spent time in our home, traveled with us, etc.

 

My inlaws have treated me crappily since dh and I were dating.  I'm determined that my kids' spouses will feel loved, welcome, and as much a part of the family as my own dc.  I figure homemade truffles on Valentine's day are a small step in the right direction!

[alisoncooks]

I am close to 50 and my mom always does something for me for both of those holidays! :)

Same here. :)

[Seasider]

No. Valentine's Day is a duck-and-run holiday for me. DH goes out foraging for donuts, that's about it.

[Annie G]

I've been known to buy them a bag of candy but that's the extent of it.  However, I suck at gift giving. If I enjoyed it or was mildly good at it, I might do it. As it is, I struggle. Dh's birthday is the 13th so I already have that to deal with and then Valentine's Day the next day.  So no, my college age kids are on their own. 

I had good intentions but never even got valentines out to our grandkids.  I'm the grandparent who sends things randomly, which they kind of like. They already get stuff from their parents and other grandparents on holidays so when I send something it's a surprise.g 

[JFSinIL]

Sure, why not?  My dds each got a three-buck bag of Lindt truffles in their fav flavors, and ds got a large Hershey heart.  Kid away from home and gong though tough times got a slightly more $$ gift - first season of My Little Pony on DVD since he is a Bronie and Netflix is taking the show off the air in a few days :-(

 

Easter, dds will get small candy gift or stuffed animal, son at home (My. Grumpypants Autism Man) will get a full basket and an egg hunt in his room. He sleeps so soundly I , er, the bunny, can sneak in and hide eggs all over before he wakes up.  I already have another Pony item for the Bronie.

 

He expects to find "gold" from the leprechauns in his room on St. Patrick's day, too.  Luckily I found some over Christmas and hide them in my sock drawer. 

 

[DawnM]

I assume I won't give anything for Valentine's Day as I don't give anything now!

 

Easter I won't stop just because they are over age 18.

[creekland]

I am close to 50 and my mom always does something for me for both of those holidays! :)

 

My mom paid for all of our coconut pancakes yesterday - does that count?  

 

(Of course, she's also done that when we went out and it wasn't Valentine's Day - details, details.)

[linders]

I responded "both" but need to clarify. We've never done "presents" for either holiday, but we do give candy. And you are never too old to appreciate candy :) The bonus of getting older is that you receive better-quality candy.

[Farrar]

I voted for my mom... If I was home those days in college she did - just something little with good chocolate. And I know one year she sent me a valentine card with money to eat out. But random stuff. When I'm there for Easter with my kids she gets me Easter chocolate still. :)

[AFwife Claire]

I've been known to buy them a bag of candy but that's the extent of it.  However, I suck at gift giving. If I enjoyed it or was mildly good at it, I might do it. As it is, I struggle. Dh's birthday is the 13th so I already have that to deal with and then Valentine's Day the next day.  So no, my college age kids are on their own. 

I had good intentions but never even got valentines out to our grandkids.  I'm the grandparent who sends things randomly, which they kind of like. They already get stuff from their parents and other grandparents on holidays so when I send something it's a surprise.g 

This is so how I am going to be as a grandma!  Gift-giving is NOT my love language, and it causes such incredible stress for me.  I have 10 kids, so I'm pretty sure I'll at least have a goodly amount of grandkids.  "The grandparent who sends things randomly"--I love this!  

 

Our oldest is just going off to college next year, but I expect I'll be that same kind of random parent there too.  And my ds would expect me to wait until after Valentine's Day to buy candy that is on sale anyway, LOL.  

[FloridaLisa]

We're not big Valentine's people either, but I do send Girl Scout cookies. Cookies are ready earlier that week . Easter is usually homemade cookies and a more personal note of a Christian nature.

 

I just realized that GS cookies and Valentine's Day converge when I saw that a friend give out boxes to her family. Mine would be thrilled with that. That's a great idea! Plus, always good to give those boxes away b/c those sleeves of thin mints call my name.  :drool:

 

Lisa

[FloridaLisa]

I've been known to buy them a bag of candy but that's the extent of it.  However, I suck at gift giving. If I enjoyed it or was mildly good at it, I might do it. As it is, I struggle. Dh's birthday is the 13th so I already have that to deal with and then Valentine's Day the next day.  So no, my college age kids are on their own. 

I had good intentions but never even got valentines out to our grandkids.  I'm the grandparent who sends things randomly, which they kind of like. They already get stuff from their parents and other grandparents on holidays so when I send something it's a surprise.g 

 

Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? That really helped explain to me that people generally have a way they receive love and a way they show love. Some people definitely show their love through gift giving. My dh was like that and I can see it in a couple of my kids, but it's not the primary way I show or receive love, so yeah, for me, I have to be very, very intentional if it's going to get done. 

 

Lisa

[FloridaLisa]

This is so how I am going to be as a grandma!  Gift-giving is NOT my love language, and it causes such incredible stress for me.  I have 10 kids, so I'm pretty sure I'll at least have a goodly amount of grandkids.  "The grandparent who sends things randomly"--I love this!  

 

Our oldest is just going off to college next year, but I expect I'll be that same kind of random parent there too.  And my ds would expect me to wait until after Valentine's Day to buy candy that is on sale anyway, LOL.  

 

I just posted this same sentiment! But since we can't multi-quote, I didn't see you had already responded. Ha, this no-multi-quote thing makes it slow going. 

 

Lisa

[Annie G]

Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? That really helped explain to me that people generally have a way they receive love and a way they show love. Some people definitely show their love through gift giving. My dh was like that and I can see it in a couple of my kids, but it's not the primary way I show or receive love, so yeah, for me, I have to be very, very intentional if it's going to get done. 

 

Lisa

 

No, I've never read the book. So does it mean that people who love to give gifts also are the ones who like to get them? Man, I hope that's true, because none of us is into gift giving.  Except perhaps the oldest two grandchildren, because they're forever drawing me thing and when you're a little kid, that's about the only gift you can give. 

 

We like to spend time together and do things for each other. 

[FloridaLisa]

No, I've never read the book. So does it mean that people who love to give gifts also are the ones who like to get them? Man, I hope that's true, because none of us is into gift giving.  Except perhaps the oldest two grandchildren, because they're forever drawing me thing and when you're a little kid, that's about the only gift you can give. 

 

We like to spend time together and do things for each other. 

 

It's a great book. The premise is that there are 5 basic ways to show love (words of affirmation, time, gift giving, acts of service and physical touch) and that though all 5 are viable way to show love, we have a primary love *language.* So that one person may really feel loved when s/he receives words of affirmation or when someone does acts of service for her/him ("Honey, I changed the oil in your car and washed it for you!"). And that we usually show love in one of these ways. The two may not match. So, for important relationships (like children and spouses), it's helpful to know how that person feels loved. 

 

Lisa