Restricting Electronics/Screen time for those who can't restrict it themselves

[Soror]

We are not generally punitive but as I've posted some before ds has an issue with screens. He generally is a great kid but makes stupid decisions with electronics and generally lacks the ability to regulate. So, I'm wondering how you have went about regulating screen time. Give me some tips to do this in a more positive way but it is not negotiable at this point, for his own good they will be extremely regulated.

 

*If you think kids just need to regulate themselves and that worked out, good for you, but I'm not interested in hearing that pov.

 

[Shellydon]

We limit all screens time to about 1.5 hours per day.  That may vary a bit if the weather is terrible or really nice.  Yesterday it was beautiful, 80 degrees, so there was zero screen time.  This weekend it is supposed to be cold and rainy, so I will likely let them have 3 hours on both Saturday and Sunday.  Addition rule is you do not argue with mom about it, or you lose time. Screen time = TV, tablet games (we only have a few games like Angry Bird, Where is my Water?), computer games like PBS kids or the Gazillionaire game.  We have just been gifted an original Wii, so that now goes into the options on weekends only.  We choose not to own handheld video games.

[TechWife]

At your kids' ages, I would just eliminate it altogether and consider re-introducing it as the kids mature. I wish I had had the foresight to do this myself. 

[Justified]

For us the most positive way to regulate screen time and to make it more of a natural habit is by filling their day up with other things to do. Plan for its purpose. This is just my situation but there is no waking up to screen time. They play a little in their rooms because they are early risers, then eat and do chores, We then go to the gym for an hour or so. We come back home for lunch. Then we start school where there is iPad work intermitten throughout but I use the timer that turns the ipad to a passcode screen after ten or so minutes. Then they switch back to their textbook lessons.

 

We usually finish up with school around four thirty. We eat dinner early so I usually get dinner ready and let them lose on their iPads. Once we sit down for dinner iPads are put away. So you see the day is just jammed pack that electronics just don't have time to absorb the whole day every day. My son could play all day on electronics, so I understand that some kids just can't self regulate. My daughter doesn't play with her ipad sometimes even though she can. I also heartlessly delete games and apps that I feel are not as productive as others and/or are taking up all my kids attention.

 

Good luck finding a plan. Its trial and error.

[MiMi 4under3]

Make it known that there are only certain times that electronics can be used, that way, you don't argue about it.

 

For example, "after dinner" is pretty clear. So is "before 9am."  However, "after you clean your room" or "after you finish your math" is open for debate from the kids' point of view.  :001_rolleyes:

[Wildiris]

This is so tough. I am currently trying to figure this out. So far I've come up with keeping the devices in the family area--no bedroom. No useage after a certain hour at night. No iPod gaming during school hours, but we do use the computer for school related projects--computer as tool. 

 

My youngest child is the only one of my children that has grown up with technology from the beginning. I can see the effect. No matter how many books I surround her with, read to her, or read myself, when boredom strikes, she grabs a device rather than grabs a book. I am trying to get this child to see the benefits of these devices as a tool; while at the sametime I am trying to get her to understand how these same devices steal your time. To be fair, I also limit my time on the computer so I can get stuff done too--school?!

 

  

[JumpyTheFrog]

We limit the ipad to 15 minutes on Saturday and 15 minutes on Sunday. They don't get to watch TV or movies more than a few times per year. The Wii is about 30 minutes per month. We've noticed that the Wii leads to worse behavior than the iPad.

[Corraleno]

Is it mostly gaming or TV as well? I allowed TV in the evenings, because that wasn't generally an issue (DS mostly watched documentaries or things like Mythbusters), but I had to take ALL the gaming away, cold turkey. If he was allowed to have an hour of gaming in the evenings or a few hours on the weekends, he would just obsess about it.

 

There have been numerous studies showing that gaming addiction involves many of the same chemical and structural pathways in the brain as substance abuse and gambling addiction. For example, a large percentage of excessive gamers have the same genetic marker for a dopamine processing deficit that is correlated with nicotine, alcohol, cocaine, and gambling addictions. The exact same parts of the brain are affected when drug addicts, gambling addicts, and heavy gamers are presented with triggers (e.g. when a cocaine addict sees a video showing cocaine use or a gamer sees a video showing gaming).

 

Just as some people can have a glass of wine with dinner or a few beers on the weekend and not become alcoholics, and some people can hit the casinos once in a while or bet on ball games and not become obsessive gamblers, some people can play an hour a day of video games and not become addicted. But some can't — and I think that's especially true of kids, who generally have less impulse control and less ability to defer gratification than adults. Also, given how crucial this period is to the growth and development of kids' brains, I just think it's healthier for kids to spend that time reading, building, drawing, tinkering, playing outside, etc.

 

 

[73349]

We limit screen time (other than a very small amount for school, such as a weekly DVD Spanish lesson or an occasional NASA rocket launch) to between the end of quiet time and the beginning of dinner--if we don't have any other commitments during that time. TV/movie options are pre-screened and commercial-free. My DS is too young for video games, IMO.

 

We've also gone cold turkey for a month at a time a couple of times to remind him that this is not a need.

[Arcadia]

For my kids, if they get over agitated while playing, that game is deleted from their tablets. They get to play an hour but I watch their moods. Once there is a mood swing, they have to stop playing and do something else. Older might sulk and nap but mostly he will go read a book. Younger would play his Legos.

Their only screen time is tablet time. We don't watch TV except documentaries.

[catz]

We limit somewhat less now that I have a 10 and 14 year old.  But my oldest up to about age 12 had real issues with regulating (he still does, we're just somewhat more lenient).  We just had a hard limit.  Up until about 8,he could have 30 minutes and we inched up a bit from there.  My kids on an average weekday don't get more than an hour usually of recreational tech time, so if we have open weekends, I am a little more lax now.  My son also games and skypes with groups of homeschool kids (chatting planning talking blah blah blah), so I actually mind those type of interactions less. 

 

I found the first couple weeks of enforcing the hardest and then it was just habit.  If we have behavioral problems, gaming time is the first thing to go so we have taken complete breaks at points. 

[PeachyDoodle]

My dd is the same way. Something about screens is addicting for her. My mother-in-law had a SERIOUS internet addiction 15-20 years ago that caused the end of her marriage and nearly the loss of her relationship with dh, so this is serious to me.

 

For computer/video game time, we tie it to exercise. For the amount of time she spends in physical activity each week (basketball practice, classes at the Y, or on her own), she gets equal screen time. This usually comes out to 3-4 hours total. We limit computers and video games to non-school days. She uses a timer and is pretty good about doing that part herself, but if she wasn't, I would do it for her.

 

I do allow TV sometimes after schoolwork has been finished, but we usually have other activities, so this is only a day or two a week at most. TV doesn't seem to have the same issues as gaming for us.

 

We sometimes break the rules for long car rides, places where we will have a long and boring wait, etc. Since these are the exceptions rather than the rule, she understands they are special treats.

[Soror]

I think it is all screens really, although games are worse. Ds has a Nintendo ds but he doesn't really play that ever anymore. The big issue now is the phone my mom got him for Christmas, which I was ok with as there have been times it would have been good for him to have one but he can also use it for games and there a zillion out there, so if he gets tired of one he just deletes it and adds another. So, I thought he would grow tired of it and was just going to ride it out but no, it has been a month and there is no sign of it waning. It hasn't helped that I haven't felt well and haven't been able to keep us as busy, that certainly helps. 

 

Generally the rule has been after 3:30 and an hour per day during the week but then he has been pulling out the phone constantly. Right now he has lost all access to any electronic device for misuse (long story short), it should have already happened. We told him he had an entire week off and we're contemplating the best move going forward. It seems that giving any leads to huge problems, not in his behavior outside of playing it so much but in that he doesn't want to get off, chooses doing that over anything else at all. He has only read maybe a couple of books and little bits of other things since Christmas and generally would have read more than that in a week.

 

I had let them take the iPad or Kindle for car rides or such but I just hate it, then they don't see anything around us and there is no conversation. The actual tv isn't an issue but they want to watch it on devices for some reason and then they want to watch more. The problem is getting everyone to agree on a show but then if they don't they want to watch each others shows and the time together ends up too much. 

 

Rambling here, I think I'm ok with him playing Wii games with dh and 30 min a day of TV. I think he needs a break for awhile of computer games. I don't know about the stupid phone. Of course dh's views aren't as strict as mine, although with his recent behavior he was quite upset and agreed we needed a full break. I think the iPad needs to be restricted to some parts of longer car rides or if we have to long wait times, like in dance or something. 

[Soror]

My dd is the same way. Something about screens is addicting for her. My mother-in-law had a SERIOUS internet addiction 15-20 years ago that caused the end of her marriage and nearly the loss of her relationship with dh, so this is serious to me.

 

For computer/video game time, we tie it to exercise. For the amount of time she spends in physical activity each week (basketball practice, classes at the Y, or on her own), she gets equal screen time. This usually comes out to 3-4 hours total. We limit computers and video games to non-school days. She uses a timer and is pretty good about doing that part herself, but if she wasn't, I would do it for her.

 

I do allow TV sometimes after schoolwork has been finished, but we usually have other activities, so this is only a day or two a week at most. TV doesn't seem to have the same issues as gaming for us.

 

We sometimes break the rules for long car rides, places where we will have a long and boring wait, etc. Since these are the exceptions rather than the rule, she understands they are special treats.

In a way I like tying it to exercise but he is up to 5hrs or so of TKD and we take walks several times a week and to me 5 hrs over 2 days even is too much. I do like restricting it to the weekend and maybe one session each day, one of which would be with dh on the Wii, which doesn't seem to be a big issue, he doesn't try to play it on his own, I've never caught him sneaking it and he is not dying to get on it like the computer/phone.

[redsquirrel]

I make very firm but easy to understand rule: No screens until 4:30pm and it goes off when dinner is served. 

 

It eliminates all arguments.  Can I play a game?  Look at the clock, don't ask me.

 

And if they badger me then I tell them they get 5 mins added on for every time they ask. I don't do that unless we have had a very bad day though. I haven't had to do that more than twice and my kids were about 6.  And if  kid can't tell time I will set a timer to relieve their anxiety.

 

When they were younger and this was more of an issue I also had to obey the 'no screen until 4:30'.  It was a family rule and we all had to live by it. I turned off my laptop in the evening and didn't turn it back on until 4:30.  I thought I was going to die, lol.  I didn't have a smart phone in those days.

As they got older I needed the computer for their school so it came on during the day. I also allow things like xtra math and the occasional brainpop when I schedule it. Now, they are off doing school work on their own and I am hanging out here while ds2 does his math, lol.

 

My friends who allow time amounts etc seem to have more arguments with their kids about this than I do, but obviously it works for some. I would just rather have it be a yes/no issue.

 

We don't have a television so all screentime is either computer or ipod. That also makes it easier to manage, I think. It is difficult to limit screen time if a big screen tv is on in the family room and one person is watching or playing a game but the other person claims to not be using it etc.. I hear lots of arguments about that. Sister says she wasn't watching the TV b/c she was reading while sitting in the room and so still has 45 mins left of her allotted time but little brother is out of screen time and 'its no fair' type of things. That would make me nuts.

 

We have had this for so long that it is a non-issue and the boys are totally self regulating. As they have got older I have had to make some changes. My older boy is in high school and uses a computer for a good chunk of his school work. That means during evenings and weekends he can use the laptop for his work.

[Anne in CA]

IME the best way to limit screen time is to do a "fast" first. Go a week with none, and then allow very small increments, depending on what they want to do. The trick is to be firm but nice. When they try to suck you into arguments, do not repeat your reasoning over and over. Have them repeat what you already said.

[Soror]

 

 

My friends who allow time amounts etc seem to have more arguments with their kids about this than I do, but obviously it works for some. I would just rather have it be a yes/no issue.

 

We don't have a television so all screentime is either computer or ipod. That also makes it easier to manage, I think. It is difficult to limit screen time if a big screen tv is on in the family room and one person is watching or playing a game but the other person claims to not be using it etc.. I hear lots of arguments about that. Sister says she wasn't watching the TV b/c she was reading while sitting in the room and so still has 45 mins left of her allotted time but little brother is out of screen time and 'its no fair' type of things. That would make me nuts.

 

 

Mine usually watch tv on the iPad or Kindle and it is still an issue, more so than with the actual TV. They all lay around together watching the little screen. The problem with times is that our schedule is different in the afternoons depending on the activity so I'm trying to think of a way to make it work. 

[Tammyla]

I've always had a no screen time until after school and other daily commitments are completed.  When ds was little; the motto was you're free after three.  We also had time limits after dinner and shower to wind down prior to bedtime.  I did allow free reading time even a while after bed time, but not electronic.  

 

My guy is big now, but we did go through a period where the internet connection turned itself off and on at certain hours.  Honestly, I think the hand held devices make the limits even harder today for parents...they're so accessible all the time.

[catz]

Oh - we do not do recreational screens before 3 pm either.  Although, my kids both have phones and that sometimes is an issue with too much daytime use.  I don't mind a text or 2 to say hi to a friend during the day.  When they're grabbing it all the time, they disappear.  I actually may enforce harder rules next year about that.

[PeachyDoodle]

In a way I like tying it to exercise but he is up to 5hrs or so of TKD and we take walks several times a week and to me 5 hrs over 2 days even is too much. I do like restricting it to the weekend and maybe one session each day, one of which would be with dh on the Wii, which doesn't seem to be a big issue, he doesn't try to play it on his own, I've never caught him sneaking it and he is not dying to get on it like the computer/phone.

 

DD wasn't getting nearly enough exercise, so that was one reason for that rule. If he's getting that much already, I might not make it a straight exchange. 30 minutes of exercise = 15 minutes of phone, maybe. Or something like that. If he complains, tell him physical activity is important to his health, but games are a privilege. I didn't want to overwhelm dd and make her feel like it wasn't worth trying to earn time with exercise -- hence the straight exchange.

 

I'd probably also require him to "turn in" the phone to me during times when he's not allowed to play it/use it. So during school hours, at bedtime, etc. That will help eliminate the sneaking.

 

There's bound to be some kind of parental controls that allow you to dictate what he can download (but I'm sure someone else knows more about this than I do). I'd cut out the unlimited game downloads (even if they're free) and make him ask permission in order to add something to his phone until he can use it more responsibly. Maybe limit to one a week, or one a month.

 

I also agree with the pp's idea of a fast. We've done that in the past as well. It helps to "reset" our expectations of what's a reasonable amount of screen time.

 

Just my two cents. HTH!

 

[shawthorne44]

I would permanently take away the smart phone, and give him a dumb flip phone.  You can buy them for about $40 on ebay.  

[LucyStoner]

I have one kid who is really good at self regulating and one who is not. This trait is evidenced in their screen habits and their food choices.

 

We set the younger one up for success and solved the screen during the day problem with method suggested the Nurture My Heart approach therapist they see. They each have a bowl and their own color of colored glass pebbles (like what you put in bamboo vases). When I observe them doing something loving or using their toolbox to resolve conflicts or help each other, I give out pebbles. Not in a good job way but in a noticing the positives sort of way. They can redeem their pebbles for 5 minute increments of screen time but only after a certain hour and only on certain days for the guy who struggles with it. They can redeem up to a maximum amount at once (no giving me 100 pebbles and staying on it all day, lol.)

 

The son who self regulates still appreciates the system because it helps him budget his time more consciously (his words, woot) and my son who struggles with this is learning the same budget tricks. This is needed for any discretionary screen time.

 

We also have a policy that the pebbles are not used as punishment. I don't take them away for bad behavior.

 

I was skeptical of this whole idea because it smacked of sticker chart but it's been a good thing for us. It also helps keep me honest and not using the screens as a babysitter for little guy so I can work with older guy.

 

Also, we have just started a device basket where we all check our mobile devices when we are having family time or focused on school. This goes for my phone and tablet, my husband's phone and laptop, my older sons tablet and my you get son's Leapster thingy.

[Wilma]

There was a time when we used a token system for screen time.  It worked out well for us, and we phased it out.

 

We gave each of the kids something like 10 tokens per week, and each was redeemable for 10 minutes of playtime on the iPad.  The kid was responsible for setting, and abiding by, a timer.  One kid consistently used most of hers in a day, and went the rest of the week without playing.  The other kid divided everything evenly and whatever.  But it was their choice.  And, as far as I know, nobody ever cheated.  I'm pretty sure a sib would have blown the whistle.

The downside of this, to me, was that whenever any kid was playing on the thing, all of the kids would be huddled around it to watch.  So I don't know what to do about that.

[redsquirrel]

There was a time when we used a token system for screen time.  It worked out well for us, and we phased it out.

 

We gave each of the kids something like 10 tokens per week, and each was redeemable for 10 minutes of playtime on the iPad.  The kid was responsible for setting, and abiding by, a timer.  One kid consistently used most of hers in a day, and went the rest of the week without playing.  The other kid divided everything evenly and whatever.  But it was their choice.  And, as far as I know, nobody ever cheated.  I'm pretty sure a sib would have blown the whistle.

The downside of this, to me, was that whenever any kid was playing on the thing, all of the kids would be huddled around it to watch.  So I don't know what to do about that.

 

That makes me crazy!  That is why I set a time. At 4:30 you're free to do whatever and i don't care, lol. No huddling around, or if you are going to huddle it's your time to do with as you please.

 

[Soror]

I would permanently take away the smart phone, and give him a dumb flip phone.  You can buy them for about $40 on ebay.  

His phone was $20, it is a smart phone but an older model tracphone. I'm not ok with taking the phone, which was a gift.

 

 

Lucy Stoner:

 

We set the younger one up for success and solved the screen during the day problem with method suggested the Nurture My Heart approach therapist they see. They each have a bowl and their own color of colored glass pebbles (like what you put in bamboo vases). When I observe them doing something loving or using their toolbox to resolve conflicts or help each other, I give out pebbles. Not in a good job way but in a noticing the positives sort of way. They can redeem their pebbles for 5 minute increments of screen time but only after a certain hour and only on certain days for the guy who struggles with it. They can redeem up to a maximum amount at once (no giving me 100 pebbles and staying on it all day, lol.)

 

The son who self regulates still appreciates the system because it helps him budget his time more consciously (his words, woot) and my son who struggles with this is learning the same budget tricks. This is needed for any discretionary screen time. 

 

We also have a policy that the pebbles are not used as punishment. I don't take them away for bad behavior. 

 

I was skeptical of this whole idea because it smacked of sticker chart but it's been a good thing for us. It also helps keep me honest and not using the screens as a babysitter for little guy so I can work with older guy. 

 

Also, we have just started a device basket where we all check our mobile devices when we are having family time or focused on school. This goes for my phone and tablet, my husband's phone and laptop, my older sons tablet and my you get son's Leapster thingy.

 

Part of the problem here is that we've mostly been on break since he got the phone, making it a temptation. I told dh that when we started back (this week) it would be going away as I'm sure that wouldn't be allowed in school. So far so good today, it has been in my room and he has been reading in any spare moments he gets, no quick check of any games and no policing on my part. 

 

I too loathe the idea of any sort of system, your not the first that has mentioned one though. I like the idea behind the pebble system but I can see groans that I missed something or that I saw something one did but missed another.

 

I'm appreciating all the thoughts it is helping me form some rules, I know I need a structure in place and more clear rules; I'm trying to figure out a good time. I like the idea of just giving a 30 min or 1 hr block for electronics, so if they decide to watch it with each other than that is their loss. 

[Soror]

DD wasn't getting nearly enough exercise, so that was one reason for that rule. If he's getting that much already, I might not make it a straight exchange. 30 minutes of exercise = 15 minutes of phone, maybe. Or something like that. If he complains, tell him physical activity is important to his health, but games are a privilege. I didn't want to overwhelm dd and make her feel like it wasn't worth trying to earn time with exercise -- hence the straight exchange.

 

I'd probably also require him to "turn in" the phone to me during times when he's not allowed to play it/use it. So during school hours, at bedtime, etc. That will help eliminate the sneaking.

 

There's bound to be some kind of parental controls that allow you to dictate what he can download (but I'm sure someone else knows more about this than I do). I'd cut out the unlimited game downloads (even if they're free) and make him ask permission in order to add something to his phone until he can use it more responsibly. Maybe limit to one a week, or one a month.

 

I also agree with the pp's idea of a fast. We've done that in the past as well. It helps to "reset" our expectations of what's a reasonable amount of screen time.

 

Just my two cents. HTH!

 

Yes, he doesn't get the phone at all at night except for a couple of times as a special reward. We've talked about blocking wi-fi on it but haven't went that far yet with it, we have blocked it on the computer he has used and have it pretty effectively blocked both from off limit sites and times. We'll have to make some more rules on downloads when he gets it back at the end of the week.

[AK_Mom4]

Time of day limitations worked best for us. Device time was after school work was complete and before dinner. Weekends it was after lunch and before dinner. Kids could watch cartoons in the morning before school or on Saturday morning.

 

All of that was available only when we didn't have a different activity planned. The kids got plenty of electronics time when they were young without getting too much.

[kroe1]

First, let me say we are big gamers, all of us. We are all on screens every waking free minute.

 

DS34 is the first screen abuser to leave the nest. He is a happily married ER physician who is raising 2 more little gamers. He is still a gamer as is his wife.

 

The only rules I have ever had is that school is done during school time, one must be heavily involved in some sport, one must learn to play an instrument, and one must come at my beckon call. So I am not sure I am an appropriate person to respond to your thread, but I am going to try anyway.

 

If you really want to make limitations fun, then you need to come up with better alternatives. Enroll kiddo in a sport, buy him some Legos, take him hunting, go on a field trip, or whatever else is needed to fill the void of lost screen time. This may have to be done for years before kiddo will be able to do this redirection on his own because he will need to learn to love something else as much as screens. Otherwise, screen limitation is just another rule mommy has made, and, I believe, that is what you are trying to avoid.

[Tammyla]

I've been thinking about this today...

 

I've come to understand or believe that young children (not all of them) need clear limits and consequence for things like screen time...Because they simply do not have the maturity to balance their lives; they just live in the moment.

[Farrar]

Our rule is generally no screens for any recreational use until after 5pm. If we're not home until later, be it 6pm or 10pm, oh well, there's no making up that time. Having it be super clear has been good. They know the only exceptions are if you have a fever all bets are off, and that we do a screen week the week of their birthday and the week after Christmas where they can seriously go crazy with them if they want. I also allow them in the car for trips over an hour. If we're just going locally, it's no big. I agree that on longer trips, it can get annoying. There have a been a couple of times (once on a trip to Utah to Bryce Canyon and once in Namibia when there were freaking giraffes right there) when I had to turn around and throttle the children and take the screens away. We do periodic breaks with audio books and actual conversation, but sometimes it's, um, tricky.

 

The thing that has gotten hardest has been the programming stuff. When ds was doing Codea and stuff on Khan to learn coding, that seems pretty straightforward and I allowed that. On Scratch it was less clear, like ds was coding stuff but also messaging with friends and playing other people's games and projects, though looking at their code was also beneficial. So tricky. And now ds is doing a learn to mod for Minecraft thing where he learns Java... except once he makes mods, he wants to "test" them. Which, yeah, that makes sense, but it all seems like a massive slippery slope. Anyway... just saying that we've been struggling a little with the line lately too. I like that my kids use the tablets and computers to learn coding and make movies and digital art and I don't want to limit that too much, but I also want there to be diversity... The gaming thing feels much easier and straightforward to me. No doing it except during these very specific times.

[Joanne]

I assume this is the 10 year old?

 

I would have these rules:

 

1. After school is complete
2. After chores are complete
3. After hygiene are complete
4. Limited time segments
5. You must actively play outdoors each day, and if you keep asking about your screen time, it goes away for that day
6. If you don't exit at the time set by parent, you lose the next session.
7. Exiting well includes no tantrums, dawdling
8. If you sneak time, you forfeit
9. Inappropriate online acticity means it goes away entirely for a period of time
10. (At 10), Mom and Dad need a list of ALL passwords
11. If a parent determines a game has an adverse effect on your 'tude, it goes away

[TranquilMind]

We are not generally punitive but as I've posted some before ds has an issue with screens. He generally is a great kid but makes stupid decisions with electronics and generally lacks the ability to regulate. So, I'm wondering how you have went about regulating screen time. Give me some tips to do this in a more positive way but it is not negotiable at this point, for his own good they will be extremely regulated.

 

*If you think kids just need to regulate themselves and that worked out, good for you, but I'm not interested in hearing that pov.

No screen time during the week, except for  vacation time.  Limited to weekends, after the school day.  Has worked out well with son. 

[TranquilMind]

We are not generally punitive but as I've posted some before ds has an issue with screens. He generally is a great kid but makes stupid decisions with electronics and generally lacks the ability to regulate. So, I'm wondering how you have went about regulating screen time. Give me some tips to do this in a more positive way but it is not negotiable at this point, for his own good they will be extremely regulated.

 

*If you think kids just need to regulate themselves and that worked out, good for you, but I'm not interested in hearing that pov.

Just noticed how young your kids are.  Just eliminate it for a  couple of years.  They will be fine. 

[SamanthaCarter]

Our kids can have screen time after they finish their school work plan for the day and have done all three of their chores. They each have an account on the computer for which DH or I have to sign them in when they can have it (they don't know their passwords.) The parental controls are set to only let them on certain sites and they are timed out entirely after 30 minutes. The tv is also on a password and I'll play things from Netflix or Amazon Prime when they've earned the screen time. 

 

The exception is computer work for school. We have account which allows 30 minutes of Math Reflex at any time of the day. They know that password, but the only thing they'll get on that account is Math Reflex. ;)

 

ETA: we don't have any handheld devices (that the kids may use), so thankfully that's not an issue with us yet. 

[Matryoshka]

When my kids were your kids ages, it was fairly straightforward.  They pretty much had zero computer time (only computers were mine and dh's then), they had no hand-held devices of any kind, and TV was limited to after 6pm till dinner (so probably an hour or less).  And the programs were all educational, animated 'fun' was only in German or Spanish.  Worked great.  No hassles.  Bliss.

 

I am very sad to say that somehow now that I have teens, it has all gone to heck.  Around late elementary, I think, we got a kids' laptop they shared.  They had a limited selection of educational games and learned to touch-type  Still pretty good.  Around middle school they each got laptops because they were typing papers, researching things, did skill stuff online - too much to share one computer among 3 kids.  When oldest went to high school, they got phones.  Again in middle school we had more work, so I allowed a documentary at lunch to save time.  Somehow that ended up not always being a documentary.  Then the 'habit' of keeping the TV off during the day was lost.  Between computers, TV, and now smartphones (new this year; my oldest are now juniors), it seems like they're always on some kind of screen!    The thing is, they need the computers at least to do their school work.  Locking it down via nanny software ends up locking down most of the school stuff too.  Older two are actually pretty good at self-regulating, but my youngest - total screen addict.  And we can't just shut it down completely at this point because the computer is a necessary tool.  But how to keep her from sneaking games (I thought not buying GameBoys or DSes or any game system would keep them from games, but now there are so many games and apps free online!)

 

So, what worked when they were your kids' ages, even for Miss Screen Addict, is up above.  What works for older kids ... anyone know??

 

[KrissiK]

Each of our kids get 20 minutes of video game time per day. More on holidays and vacation. And they get an hour of tv/movie time each day. Two kids get to pick a half hour of what they will watch. This is on a rotating schedule. I have one that doesn't self-regulate anything so we have to schedule everything tightly around here or he will spend every waking moment in front of a screen of some sort.

[sbgrace]

I have a child who doesn't handle screens well in that they affect his sleep and emotional regulation. I have another who is easily sucked into it time wise. Both get less creative if they have too much. Screens at our house, beyond school stuff anyway, are only when we decide to allow them as sort of an extra treat. This generally works out to once a week or less. It's not regular enough that my kids expect it or dwell on it.

 

I don't know that this is best over-all, mostly because lots of kids have more experience with them compared to mine, but it seems to be work out best for them as people. Daily would be a disaster here for one of mine particularly. 

[AmandaVT]

DS has a set amount of time per day, either 30 or 45 min. When he wants to use the ipad, he sets the timer on the microwave. He usually likes to break his time up into 2 chunks, so he'll set the timer for 15 min and put the ipad back on the shelf when the timer goes off. I try to let him have control over how to break up his time and when he uses it. Any attitude and he loses ipad time for the following day. So far it's working out ok. 

[rocassie]

M-F, each kid (I have a 7.5, 5, and 3yo) gets 30 mins screen time as long as our schedule allows.  Screen time follows after school, lunch, and chores are completed.  They can choose computer, watching a show, or video console game.  If they all agree to pool their time, they can pick out a movie to watch together.  

 

We do not have any computers/TV's in bedrooms so screen time is done in common areas.  We do have multiple computers though.  Many time the two older ones are playing Minecraft together on our home network while the youngest watches some PBS show.

 

 

[Dory]

Unless it is school related and assigned, the kids are not allowed on screens during the week. Screens are for weekends only if we don't have other things planned. Even on the weekends that we are staying home, the screens have to be shut off for a couple hours after lunch and the kids head outside to play for awhile if the weather is nice, or we pull out some board games if the weather is nasty.

 

My oldest has his own computer, and the rules are still the same with him.

 

We tried 30min every day, but the kids would just be getting into something and have to quit. It made quitting harder. Letting them have a large chunk of time at once let them really get into something, enjoy it, make it through something they were trying to do on it, and then shutting it down wasn't so horrible. For school assigned screen time I set a timer to remind them of when to get off.

[abacus2]

Screen time at my house is not limited to any particular time frame, but is limited by other required activities, mommy or daddy's perspective on how it is affecting you, reasonable lengths of time, and your behavior during and surrounding use.

 

If any child starts obsessing or begging, they have a break from all screens for however long the parents deem necessary, typically at least a week. A complete break is best for resetting these behaviors.

 

We sometimes use timers to regulate sharing and keep length of use reasonable.

 

The fact that a child owns or was gifted an electronic item has no impact on when or if its use is restricted. Responsible electronic use is required no matter who owns said electronics.

 

 

 

 

In your situation I would tell your son that you believe he needs a break from electronics including his phone (it's still his phone, he just isn't going to use it for a while). It's not a punishment, but you've noticed that electronics are not helping him make healthy choices, and it's your job as his mom to help him learn to make responsible choices, so he is taking a break. Tell him that begging is an indicator to you that he isn't ready for the break to be over yet. Then once you see him reading, playing, behaving appropriately, not obsessing about electronics, then wait a little while, after which time you could try again with guidelines he agrees are good ideas. If your toddler became obsessed with eating crayons, wouldn't you take away all the crayons, even his own, and try again later? Same thing with electronics. A child who owns something they aren't ready to use appropriately may have to wait to use said item.

 

 

[EndOfOrdinary]

I noticed that Ds seemed to lose track of time or not be able to understand how long a fifteen minute break actually was. So I got a timer at Walmart for like ten bucks. Ds carries the thing around and does great with it! He programs it for his subjects, brushing his teeth, and most importantly screen time.

 

I do not know if this would work for your kiddo. It directly requires Ds to stop, and in that way self regulate. He was not sneaking time, or being deliberately naughty. It was age appropriate that his sense of time is still developing. However, it could have been perceived that he was just blowing off his commitments since he was massively sucked in and not paying any attention.

[Soror]

 

 

Farrar:

 

 

 

The thing that has gotten hardest has been the programming stuff. When ds was doing Codea and stuff on Khan to learn coding, that seems pretty straightforward and I allowed that. On Scratch it was less clear, like ds was coding stuff but also messaging with friends and playing other people's games and projects, though looking at their code was also beneficial. So tricky. And now ds is doing a learn to mod for Minecraft thing where he learns Java... except once he makes mods, he wants to "test" them. Which, yeah, that makes sense, but it all seems like a massive slippery slope. Anyway... just saying that we've been struggling a little with the line lately too. I like that my kids use the tablets and computers to learn coding and make movies and digital art and I don't want to limit that too much, but I also want there to be diversity... The gaming thing feels much easier and straightforward to me. No doing it except during these very specific times.

 

 

 Yes, ds does coding as well but I agree some of the programming stuff can get tricky. We're actually getting ready to start back with robotics and we might be doing more Scratch. I'm not even thinking of that right now as it is generally not an issue with the programming he has done so far at least.

 

 

He's done pretty good this week, thankfully he is so good natured. It didn't take long with the phone being in my room for him to forget about it and find a book to read. My current thought is to permit a 5 min check in at lunch, him and dh are playing a chess game on their phones dh generally makes a move on his lunch break and we break later so a quick check to make the next move would be ok for me.

 

If we allow computer time we do have it where it automatically kicks him off so it is easy to get him off of there, it is just that I'm not sure I want him on it, as I said before I'm thinking it will perhaps be a weekend thing. 

[Soror]

I love these rules, thanks for typing this up. I'm learning lately that ds needs rules, expectations etc very explicitly spelled out, much more so than I would want or need. Personally, I have always moderated well and my oldest daughter is this way as well, my son, not at all, so this is new ground to me. 

 

I assume this is the 10 year old?

 

I would have these rules:

 

1. After school is complete
2. After chores are complete
3. After hygiene are complete
4. Limited time segments
5. You must actively play outdoors each day, and if you keep asking about your screen time, it goes away for that day
6. If you don't exit at the time set by parent, you lose the next session.
7. Exiting well includes no tantrums, dawdling
8. If you sneak time, you forfeit
9. Inappropriate online acticity means it goes away entirely for a period of time
10. (At 10), Mom and Dad need a list of ALL passwords
11. If a parent determines a game has an adverse effect on your 'tude, it goes away

 

Here are the modifications I'm thinking- pending discussion with dh (we have family meetings on Sunday, so it will be discussed officially then) *I aim for outside family time every day so it is not like he will be sent on his own and generally this isn't an issue, he loves our family walks together. 

1. After school is complete
2. After chores are complete
3. After hygiene is complete
4. After outside time, at least 30 min a day
5. 30 min weekday- tv/5 min phone time- lunch and before breakfast- 1 hr Sat/Sun computer time OR Wii Time
6. If you don't exit at the time set by parent, you lose the next session.
7. Exiting well includes no tantrums, dawdling
8. If you sneak time, you forfeit time the next day
9. Inappropriate online activity means it goes away entirely for one week
10. Mom and Dad need passwords
11. Any game causing bad attitude or inappropriate behavior goes away permanantly