Would you/could you homeschool through cancer, surgery, chemo., etc?

[Wabi Sabi]

If you were newly diagnosed with breast cancer, do you think you would try to continue homeschooling or would you decide to enroll the children in a traditional brick and mortar school until the crisis has passed? Has anyone here faced this very decision? What did you decide? 

ETA: Just to clarify, this is just a hypothetical for now. I had a mammogram a few weeks ago, they called me back for an ultrasound, now I have to go in for a biopsy. Statistically speaking, I know that it's most likely nothing, but I'm a planner/information gatherer by nature, and I can't help but start to wonder what I would do if I was the unlucky 1 in 5....

[Aiden]

I have not faced this decision myself, though I most likely would put my daughter in a traditional school until the crisis was past. One of my friends here did face that decision, though there really wasn't much of a decision for her to make--she's a missionary, she can't afford the private international schools here, and her daughter doesn't speak Albanian well enough to attend a public school here. She continued homeschooling but made it a very light year, doing what she could when she could, focusing on the essentials, letting everything else go, and planning to go year-round.

[naturemom]

:(

 

I would try to continue homeschooling. I would try to have a list of things they could do on their own and have meals that the kids could prepare on their own for the tough days.

 

I know two moms who continued homeschooling through breast cancer. The moms and their kids are doing well.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would try to continue, but that is because my kids aren't little little.  If they were little, I probably would have to consider something else.  At this point the older child has been homeschooled for about 8 years and is pretty against the idea of a B & M school.

 

I've never faced this.  My mother did babysit my son when he was an infant and could not continue when diagnosed with cancer.  I do recall that most of the time she wasn't super sick after chemo except towards the end when they tried a very aggressive treatment. 

 

 

 

 

[KrissiK]

I would probably try to. Though I would change things up a bit, do more box checking, independent work. I think that sort of thing would be a big disruption and scary thing in our lives and then to upset the apple cart even more by putting them all in a brick and mortar school..... for my kids it probably wouldn't be a great idea.

[Tiberia]

I agree with KrissiK above.

 

I was diagnosed with bc two weeks before we started kinder year with dd. It was nice to have the flexibility of homeschooling instead of being on a public school schedule, ie. trying to get homework done, getting kids to school, etc. If your homeschooling is going well overall, and bc is the only new variable, I'd try to keep it going, with lots of flexibility and help from the kids.

 

Looking back, it was a special time with dd. Plus, it was helpful to have homeschooling as a motivation for me to keep life somewhat normal for the family. Ultimately you'll do what works best for your family. Just letting you know it was good for us to keep homeschooling.

 

Hope you're not in the club, though. Keep us posted, either way.

 

Blessings,

 

Joann

[elegantlion]

It would depend upon the child and what kind of caregivers I had nearby. I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma when I was 26, no kids. I had radiation, not chemo and worked full-time through most of my treatment, except for some time off after surgery. From diagnosis to end of treatment as about six months. 

 

I probably would continue to homeschool because adding in B&M would create a host of obligations I wouldn't want to deal with. If homeschooling were something we considered a lifestyle, I wouldn't even consider B&M school to use a "babysitter" (not the right word, but I'm drawing a blank on a more nuanced word). 

 

At the age of your children, they could focus on 3Rs for a few months and be okay. At the high school level it would be tougher. 

 

I would, however, want a go-to friend or family member to lean on and have for child care on those off days. Chemo can make you sicker than radiation, and there are some days you really just want to lay in bed and cry. I would be more guarded of those emotional break downs with younger children. I didn't lose all my hair, but the back of it did (I was radiated about to my ear). Nothing like standing in the shower and pulling out a wad of hair. I was pretty calm through most of my tx, but that freaked me out. 

 

We've spent most of the fall dealing with my dad's hospitalization and illness (not cancer). It was hard to focus on school, but it was important that we be there, ds included. School has not been getting done as hoped this fall, but I'm not sorry we made the sacrifice. 

 

Over the years, we've homeschooled through a variety of life changing issues and trials. At some point, it became not just my choice but ds's as well. I think, I hope, the example of moving forward through adversity has been modeled well for ds. 

[Liz CA]

I have homeschooled through an illness but not chemo. Surgery was a point in time so we got past that quickly. Recovery was a few weeks but my ds was already 16 at the time and learning mostly independently.

I would evaluate step by step and take into consideration what the children are capable of.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Because I saw early on the huge and unexpected family benefits of homeschooling, my desire would be to continue to keep the children at home.  Of course, during the time of treatment, schooling would take a back seat, but in the long run, in my family, it would be/have been the best, for me and for them.

[trulycrabby]

I did it while going through a year of tests and several surgeries while the docs tried to diagnose a peritonneal issue. I think homeschooling was very helpful because it forced me not to dwell on any health issues, and didn't give me any time for doubt or fear. The first few weeks are the hardest, I think, because often not knowing what is wrong can be worse than knowing, if this makes sense. If you have parents or friends who can help out in case you have to have surgery/chemo, or if your kids could switch to online/independent learning for the next several months up to the next year, then things might be easier for you.

 

If you think that putting them in school will help you focus on recovery, then by all means I urge you to do so.

 

:grouphug:

[Alessandra]

For me, a lot would depend on how seriously I was ill. If it were serious, I would be inclined towards school, because dc would have continuity. Also, don't discount help from the parent community. Ymmv, but in my school area, I can think of several examples where parents organized for meals and child care to help out a mother. In one example, the mother had been hit by a car and was hospitalized, then incapacitated for months. Different from what you are thinking of, but, anyway, other parents provided hot meals and child care until the dad came home. They took the dc to sports and activities, etc. This went on for several months.

 

Obviously, I am thinking of not so good scenarios, but since you said you were a planner, I thought you might want to consider the full spectrum of possibilities, even if they are (hopefully) extremely unlikely.

[Garga]

Before deciding I guess I'd want to know exactly how much time the teacher would be out of commission. Is it for weeks at a time? Is it a day here and there, but on the other days the patient is able to direct schooling?

 

I would probably try to do the homeschooling. I would revamp everything, though. Everything. I do a lot of discussion in school with my kids and we'd probably stop all that and use workbooks. Also, my DH would step up and lead discussions in the evening and weekends if there was time between keeping the house running.

 

Actually, wait...I forgot about keeping the house running.

 

Ok, if it was I, I'd probably focus on only two things: treating my illness (appointments, calling the insurance co, driving to get medicines, days off at home feeling horrible) and teaching the kids. DH would have to focus on 2 things: his work and keeping the home running (vacuuming, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking.)

 

We would both be stretched thin, but if he took on all the household tasks and I revamped homeschool and dealt with the medical side of things (if I was capable of it), we'd probably muddle through.

 

If I didn't have a dh who doesn't mind doing household tasks in the slightest (and he doesn't mind--he does most household tasks better than I do, in fact), then my answer might be different. In that case, I might look around for some sort of helper for the household tasks. A relative or dear friend.

 

If there wasn't someone taking over the household tasks, I'm not sure I could treat the illness (all that doctor stuff takes TIME, plus recovering from treatments), homeschool, AND run a home.

[JFSinIL]

I agree with everyone above....plus just in case (worse case) you didn't make it, wouldn't it have been better to have spent as much time as possible with your kids?  I drove my neighbor, after she was diagnosed 4th stage colon cancer :-(  , to chemo often.  Her three kids (oldest about 11 or 12) were in brick and motor school.  Mom had a lot of time home alone in those two and a half year she kept going. 

 

But, then again, I have not had to go through chemo.  You, like my neighbor, would have to do whatever worked best for YOU and your family.  I just had to throw in my two cents in honor of neighbor Stacey.

[G5052]

I've had friends who have gone both ways.  

 

With younger children, there are ways of managing it with DH taking over the math and having them read a lot, listening to books, and watching documentaries. Friends who have done this sort of thing have had no regrets. There were no academic problems, and the emotional issues within the family were managed better. If it were me, I wouldn't give up homeschooling. Mine are in high school now and would do fine anyway.

 

And you really don't know at this point. A friend of mine had a very small, isolated area of cancer, and easily completed treatment in three months. She didn't stop homeschooling but did scale back during treatment and then finished out the year over the summer.

 

FWIW -- I had a bunch of callbacks until I figured out that a particular technician knew how to handle my issues far better than the others.  Now I call her directly to make my appointment, and she takes the additional shots so that I am done with one appointment.  Everyone's different, but I always like to mention that sort of thing in case it helps someone.  Not every mammography technician is the same.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Shellydon]

I would homeschool.  I would ask for help with the house and meals from friends/family/church.  I would do school with my kids and rest. 

[Mergath]

It would depend on how sick I was going to be, and how long the treatment was going to last.  If it was going to be a few weeks, I'd probably just keep her home.  But if it was going to be a long, difficult treatment, I'd probably put her in school.  We homeschool for educational reasons, so if I was going to be mostly unable to do any kind of educating, I'd put dd into ps for the year.

[prairiewindmomma]

One of the things not being mentioned in the comments thus far is that children are typically not allowed with you in the oncology center.  Radiation only takes twenty or so minutes a treatment, not that big of a deal to have children of a sufficient age sit in the waiting room.  Depending on your chemo, that can be an all day thing in an infusion center in which your children are not allowed.  There are also frequent labs, checks, etc that your children may or may not be able to accompany you on.  In other words, you are going to need childcare help if you have little kids.

 

In our case, with the similar situations we've been in, where I have been either patient or primary caregiver, we had people at home caring for our other small children.

 

We kept homeschooling, but only because I had people who helped step in to carry the load.  The teaching provided by them wasn't fabulous, and I still had to do all of the planning and grading, but it got it done. We used a lot of Netflix, checked out a lot of audio books, bought a ton of science kits, got a stack of library books because they were read to, and tried to carry on. Scripted materials went well (FLL, WWE, SOTW AG) in terms of other people stepping in. Math was a particular challenge. We spent a lot of time face timing with home trying to get math done. In the end, we just had the children do 30 min a day or more on Khan Academy.  Dh brought books to the hospital for grading.  It did give me something to do.

 

So, in your shoes.....most likely I would...but everyone has different circumstances.  For me, managing the logistics of taking/picking up kids to two different schools and dealing with after school homework seemed more overwhelming....but some families may need the daytime childcare....

[KungFuPanda]

No, but I have teens and good local schools.

[alisoncooks]

My DH is currently going through cancer treatments, so while I am still able to homeschool, we have still been affected.

 

Pros:

With the girls at home, I worry less about outside germs.

We are able to accommodate DH's many doctor appointments (no public school day to work around).

 

Cons:

We have missed a LOT of school since DH was diagnosed in November.

DH has had complications (he formed a blood clot and has had an infection as a side-effect of one of the chemo drugs) -- this means he's been hospitalized for the last 2.5 weeks (in addition to the 3.5 weeks he was in-patient right after diagnosis). What would you do if you were hospitalized with complications?

 

((Hugs))

I know you must be anxious. Prayers for a good result to the tests!

[Carrie12345]

I haven't had to face that situation, but I have hs'ed through other crisis, short and long term.  It is not easy.  But, then again, it would not be easy for me to manage traditional school through the same things.  At least with homeschooling, I could adjust my goals and expectations without much fallout.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You would need a team, either way.

Homeschooling
Childcare while you are receiving treatments and needing rest at home or hospitalization.
Help with errands and chores.
Help with normalcy -- holidays, routine child healthcare appts, the emotional availability to seize the moment and have adventures sometimes.
A plan for how to get back on track when the academics will inevitably fall way, way, way behind.*
An ability to philosophically support homeschooling and the ups and downs of hs'ing through a difficult time.
 

Brick and Mortar School
Homework help - could be a significant need.
Emotional and practical support for the transition to an entirely new environment.
Someone who can advocate for the child if there are problems with learning differences, bullying, the child's stress.
Someone who can make 100% sure that the child has no attendance problems and that there's always someone home when the bus comes.
Help with errands and chores.

 

So.....
Who will your team be?
Which set of helps are most possible/practical for your particular team?
Which set of tasks will be the most comfortable and natural for your team, so that even if your dc are experiencing changes their adult support people are confident and competent?
Do your children have significant learning differences or social challenges that make public school inadvisable?
Is your local school likely to be a safe and supportive environment for your dc, or is it a failing and troubled school?
Do you, your spouse, or any of your children have very strong feelings on homeschool vs ps?

 

 

*Our plan has been to go ahead and let the academics suffer, in hopes of being able to compress and accelerate lessons in the remainder of the school year. The boys kept reading and learning, and keeping them with me was less stressful for all than placing them in school in our situation so we are committing to a belief that homeschool is not school and we never stop learning, and we can make it up.

 

 

 

I hope that all of this consideration will be never be anything more than an academic pursuit for you because all of your tests will come back clear and you'll be healthy. Saying a prayer for you!

[Alessandra]

 

I hope that all of this consideration will be never be anything more than an academic pursuit for you because all of your tests will come back clear and you'll be healthy. Saying a prayer for you!

 

This.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

now for what you asked.  

 

two years ago, just about now, i was diagnosed with two tumors, one ovarian, one kidney.

kids were in grades 7 and 9.  

 

we kept them home.  our reasons were: better to have no change, better to be together, better to be together, better to be together..... and there are many, many worse things than kids losing a year, including them feeling excluded.

 

i would do it that way again in a heartbeat.

 

we had family come to stay with them during the multiple surgeries, freeing dh to be with me.

we had friends volunteer to do all the driving for all their activities, which was five nights a week, and three daytime lessons.

oldest child was responsible for coordinating drives.  i gave them my cell phone.

friends cooked many, many meals.  we ordered take out.  kids improved their cooking skills.  

 

depending on pain, medication, etc, i was able to help with lessons from bed.  older dd had three on line classes which she just did.  

in the end, they didn't lose any schooling time (but we did school during that summer).  

 

i didn't go thru chemo, as both were benign in the end.

 

i was out of commission almost completely from january to june.  

 

and fwiw, i have had mammogram results follow the path you are on twice, and both times it came out all right in the end...

 

many hugs,

ann

 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

My first choice would definitely be homeschooling.  I've done both, and for me, getting the kid(s) on the bus early every morning, and watching the clock all day to make sure I'm there when they come back is torture.  The idea of doing that when I'm sick or recovering is way harder than following a natural rhythm of waking, gently caring for myself and my children, cuddling up on the couch or the bed to do "together" stuff, and giving dc a checklist of individual work to do on her own.  I'd try to be flexible, and focus on the skill subjects, realizing that we might not get to all the content stuff I'd intended.  

 

But, if the children are all little, it presents a problem if there are lots of doctor appointments and treatments/therapies.  

 

I hope this is all academic, and that you don't have to make this difficult choice.

[AK_Mom4]

I would continue. I have just one home now and DD13 is mostly independent in her work these days. I would have to marshal my good hours for her and take advantage of folks offering rides, but I would not send her to school at this point.

[Tsuga]

In the first grade, aside from doctor's appointments, I am thinking that between the to and from, lunch prep, homework, and all the other crap, you save very little mental energy sending her to public school. And we public school. Doing public school well is also a lot of work.

 

I wish you all the best.

[arnold]

We faced this same decision back in October. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I had surgery, and recently started chemo. For a number of reason we put our kids back in school. For one, you'll have lots of doctor appointments, tests, scans, and in my case second and third opinions. Once chemo started, I spend 5 hours each treatment day away from home. I receive 7 treatments over 3 weeks. In my case the side effects come after the treatment and I'm pretty much out of commission on those day, it's like having the flu. I mean, I don't even cook dinner, friends bring it to us. Another big reason is that I don't want my kids to be constantly reminded that I have cancer. In my case it's an early diagnosis and I should be completely cured after chemo. But my kids are small and I don't want them to see me laying around all the time, or being unavailable because I'm at the doctor all day. It would weigh on their minds all the time and they need a break from it.

[J-rap]

I think it would depend on if you had extra help during times when you'd need it (family or close friends), and if you could keep it together emotionally so that the home environment was still generally positive.

 

I didn't have cancer, but my husband had a severe health event which forced us to be on the road for almost a year and required me to be preoccupied with my husband while he was hospitalized or during the long, intensive recovery period.

 

We had two children still school-age, but they were quite a bit older than yours -- 9th and 10th grade.  We chose to keep homeschooling them, because it was such a devastating time for our family, we honestly just needed each other.  If they ended up having to do that school year over again, we wouldn't have cared.  We outsourced as much as we could (online courses), otherwise I gave them things that could be done nearly completely independently.  (They had the history book and would read and summarize each chapter, etc.)

 

We actually have some great and humorous memories of that strange year together.  But again, it was a different situation because my kids were older and could work independently.

 

(Also, good luck to you!  Praying that it's nothing.)

[Whereneverever]

It's not the same at all, but we faced the decision on what to do when I was pregnant with #4 (2 years old now). I had severe hyperemesis from before the positive test until birth. I was in the hospital a lot, ended up with a PICC line and home health for fluids and IV nutrition. I spent the whole pregnancy just wretched and unable to do almost anything.

 

We kept homeschooling but the academics were a lot different that year. Lots of home ec (eldest learned to cook simple things) and I read to them from the couch. Looking back I don't regret keeping them home although it would have been a lot easier to have them gone all day.

 

I hope you don't have to decide this, but if you do, take it day by day. 

[Laurie4b]

Be aware as you read answers that the treatment for different cancers is different.

 

The treatment for breast cancer isn't so grueling as to prevent homeschooling.  There will be predictable days when a mother would be too tired, but this would typically be a couple times a month. Times when a person would likely need to take off: the day of chemo (lots of drugs that make you sleepy) (you would likely have around 6 chemo cycles), a couple days around surgery, possibly the last few days of radiation.

 

Advantages:

• it allows everyone in the family to keep to a routine they know. That is helpful when going through a trial, but is especially reassuring to children.
• If you like homeschooling, you get to keep doing what you'd like. That's positive for healing. Get others to help with things like meals, housekeeping, etc. as needed. You have to weigh the effect on your own mental health of suddenly having nothing to do while your kids are at school.
• Additionally, chemo for breast cancer knocks out white blood cells a few days each cycle. On those days, it would be a tremendous help not to have kids in public school who might be bringing home who-knows-what virus du jour.

 

Going to public school has its own set of issues. When I was a nanny or when I worked in tutoring projects for lower income neighborhoods, I would say that homework averaged about 1 solid hour from kindergarten on up.  The homework can be frustrating for both kids and parents as it can contain difficult to decipher directions. There were a number of times when 3 of us all with advanced degrees were sitting around trying to figure out what an assignment was asking.   Your child is tied into a public school schedule .You have to get them up, get them out the door, make sure all their stuff is collected, lunches made etc. whether you're tired or not right then, and you have to get them through their homework whether you're feeling well or not. They may have a teacher workday on one of your really tired days and you'd need to get help anyway. There is less flexibility to work with, in other words, and there is still a need for significant parental involvement.

 

[Alicia64]

Having had a friend w/ cancer who worked through chemo, I'd say go for it. He had to take time off right after each chemo treatment. Once he put Christmas for his little kids on Dec. 20 so he could stick to his chemo schedule for Dec. 24.

 

In other words, he worked around feeling awful. And there were plenty of times he felt fine.

 

If I were in a similar situation I would look into online programs that kids can follow.

 

My very best wishes to you,

 

Alley

[Closeacademy]

If my mole turns out to be cancer, we will homeschool through.  I'd rather they be close to me and have our schedule be flexible for whatever comes rather than have a school tell us where they need to be.  But then mine are teenagers who can do a lot of their work on their own and just need someone to coach them along.

[AimeeM]

Just to encourage you, when I was around 20 I had a similar situation (was called in for ultrasound then biopsy following mammogram) - it was nothing. I hope yours is also nothing.

 

Honestly, as much as I thought I would say "yes" to sending the children to Catholic school if I ever ended up with a disease like cancer that needed harsh, long-term treatment, I would (realistically) not. I can't imagine trying to get the children to and from school while battling chemo, and then the PT conferences, random performances, homework help, etc. After having one of my crew in brick and mortar last year, it was honestly more of a hassle than anything. 

 

I *would*, however, be inclined to take DH up on his ongoing offer to have someone come in and help with the housework. In fact, I would probably step it up a bit and hire a daily mother's helper to help with both the younger kiddos and some light housework.

[MeghansMom]

Well I did it and continue to do it since having a brainstem stroke.

Not cancer, no. However I have thought about it since my mammogram came back with issues.

I rescheduled for Dec 30th for my ultrasound and other mammogram and will go from there.

I have cognitive and neurological issues since the stroke but luckily my daughter is in the fifth grade

and self sufficient to a certain extent. Also one of the beauties of homeschooling is the flexibility.

She can homeschool at the times that hubby is off work for subjects needing a teacher.

We do well even with my struggles, I am thankful for that.