The tyranny of the home cooked meal expectation

[Joanne]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/09/03/home_cooked_family_dinners_a_major_burden_for_working_mothers.html?wpsrc=sh_all_dt_tw_ru

 

I would be interested in research on this.

 

I get the "feeling" behind it.

[Mandylubug]

I wonder what they are suggesting for the low income families to eat if not home cooked food? I personally think it is cheaper to eat a home cooked meal vs what you pay per serving, even off the dollar menu.

 

I thought the hotel cooking with a microwave example was quite a stretch of an example of pressure placed on young mothers. I am sure that happens but surely isn't the norm for low income cooks.

 

Perhaps I read the article incorrectly?

[Ellie]

For crying out loud.

[G5052]

Yes, I get the "feeling"  too.  

 

During this last week I probably worked 60 hours for pay, homeschooled, did the usual housework, and then spent most of Saturday at the car dealership with DH's car because he had to go to the ER with a serious injury first thing in the morning (thankfully he was able to drive my van there, and it is resolved now).  I got some work done, but not a lot with all of the people around and a poor wi-fi connection.  I had to walk two city blocks in 90+ degree weather to get lunch because all of the drivers at the dealer were off taking people around, and I was really, really hungry.

 

I got home, worked in the garden, did two loads of laundry, and one of my teens asked, "What are we having for dinner?"  And of course I feel obligated to cook because we just spent over $1000+ in one day between the car repair and the ER visit.

 

It's tough to be a woman!  We have decent income and medical insurance, but I do NOT feel like cooking tonight.  But I will...

 

[mommymilkies]

When I worked as a poor single mother, eating out cheap and convenience foods were really my only options. Ingredients were expensive up front and I simply didn't have time.  We had $3 all you can eat spaghetti night at one restaurant and both kids were young enough that they were free, so for $3 we got to completely stuff ourselves once a week.  You can't beat that.  Cooking from scratch really is expensive and time consuming.  It took me 6 hours to cook dinner on Monday.  I could not have done that if I worked. 

 

I totally get the article, too.  It's hard being the cook in a house!  My budget is limited, I have one kid with food sensory issues, a husband who might physically not be able to tell he's full and I can never make enough food for, etc.  Either I get complaints about the food itself or it's too early, too late, too many carbs, too few carbs, too healthy, or too unhealthy.  I can't win.  For years I made almost every single thing from scratch because of my kids' allergies.  It really burnt me out after awhile because the complaints really hurt.  I'm not a terrible chef, even.  So nowadays I don't cook often.  I tell dh to do it himself most of the time because the rest of us will eat cereal or popcorn so I don't have to stand there for 4 hours and hear complaints.  I'm trying to get over this and not take it personally, but it's not easy.

[sassenach]

The researchers quote food writer Mark Bittman, who says that the goal should be “to get people to see cooking as a joy rather than a burden.†But while cooking “is at times joyful,†they argue, the main reason that people see cooking mostly as a burden is because it is a burden. It's expensive and time-consuming and often done for a bunch of ingrates who would rather just be eating fast food anyway. If we want women—or gosh, men, too—to see cooking as fun, then these obstacles need to be fixed first. And whatever burden is left needs to be shared.

 

I don't think there is a "fix" for these obstacles.  I think the fix needed is the expectation that it should be joyful.  It can be, but I don't think it has to be.  It's a chore.  Sometimes it will be enjoyable, other times it will not.  And since we're feeding humans, we'll always have to deal with opinions and complaining.... I don't know why everything in life needs to be analyzed to the nth degree.  

 

I am so very thankful that years ago my dh made the conscious choice to not be a dinner complainer.  He was pretty bad before that, but when he started to see our kids (and especially ds, his little mini me) start to echo his attitude, he decided not to be that guy any more.  It has made a huge difference in my life.  

 

But I still don't find the dinner routine to be my favorite.

[Liz CA]

I wonder what they are suggesting for the low income families to eat if not home cooked food? I personally think it is cheaper to eat a home cooked meal vs what you pay per serving, even off the dollar menu.

 

I thought the hotel cooking with a microwave example was quite a stretch of an example of pressure placed on young mothers. I am sure that happens but surely isn't the norm for low income cooks.

 

Perhaps I read the article incorrectly?

 

And even if you save a few dimes up front, just think of the pain and agony not to mention the medical bills when the illnesses pop up because of eating "off the dollar menu."

[Liz CA]

For crying out loud.

 

Thanks, Ellie. This was my first thought.

 

[Amira]

I've read about this research in several different places.  Here are a few of my reactions.

 

Quit telling people dinner has to be an event.  It's just dinner.  It doesn't have to be perfect.

 

If you say a meal will take 30 minutes to prepare, make sure it really does from the minute you set foot in the kitchen until you're sitting down to eat.  It seems like most of the cooking shows cheat on this ones with their pre-chopped vegetables. So do many cookbooks.

 

But it is either going to take some time or some money to eat healthy food.  You have to pick at least one if it's going to be healthy every night.  I do think healthy meals are important, but the burden shouldn't be placed on women more than men. Women shouldn't have more responsibility for dinner (unless she wants to and it works for her family).

 

I also think it helps for everyone in the family to adjust their expectations and get more realistic about food in pretty much every way.

 

Personally, I've had some real cooking challenges depending on our budget and where we've lived.  But I love to cook and have time for it and that makes all the difference.

[bolt.]

To me, cooking is a prerequisite to eating (if one does not enjoy exclusively raw foods), but the "idealized" version can be a burden. Plus, unhealthy sociological and family dynamics can indeed cause that burden to rest disproportionately on women.

 

However, I don't think the cooking itself is the problem. The article is trying hard to present it that way, but provides no evidence in support of that conclusion.

 

The issues I saw in her example were poverty, perfectionism, comparison, sexism, ingratitude, selfishness, and a lack of manners. Solve those things (aside from poverty) and most cooking-dinner scenarios are going to be fine.

 

Chores exist, and doing them can be a burden. A family can either put effort into cooking or put effort into making money (with which to pay others to cook), but eating appealing and nourishing foods costs effort. That's reality, and it's ok with me.

[Word Nerd]

I don't enjoy cooking and it does add stress to my life, but I think calling home cooking "tyranny" is rather melodramatic. I use processed food (gasp!) and we eat out regularly, but that doesn't mean home-cooked meals aren't healthier and cheaper. There already is a lot of research supporting the fact that they are better for many different reasons, so why shouldn't they be viewed as the ideal? 

[Mandylubug]

I'm cooking a bowl of Cheerios for dinner tonight. 

[Mandylubug]

Back to the normal conversation: I think the issues discussed in the article have nothing to do with the actual chore of cooking but more so with the obstacles of low income, or being a single parent, living up to some society determined ideal or inconsiderate people.

 

I agree with the above poster that said stop making dinner an event. Its purpose is to fuel your body so you don't die or kill someone because you are hangry!

 

If you prepare your family cereal or sandwiches daily: GREAT! They are fed! I personally don't think eating fast food and food like substances as healthy. However, as long as food is provided (DIY per person or someone preparing it) then the requirement in a family is complete.

 

Everything else is just fluff.

[Soror]

Another vote for goodness. I have times I love cooking and times I don't health requires we eat and the budget requires I cook, so with all that in mind sometimes what I cook is rather basic and sometimes it is rather elaborate and often in between. It is what it is. I want my own kids to have basic skills of cooking so they can at least whip up something edible in a bit of time, it shouldn't be such a burden. Sometimes the kids have cereal for breakfast, quite often as of late as they're burned out on all the usual options and it is what it is, whatever it works.

[Guest]

I do not agree with this article. Home-cooked meals have much more potential to be inexpensive, nutritious, good-tasting, and bonding than convenience foods or restaurant food. I do agree that it often takes more time, and I confess I have never been a single, working-class mother living in an infested hotel room, but between appliances that cut work and time, and the myriad cookbooks, websites, etc. available, I don't believe there are large numbers of mothers who cannot cook food rather than buy junk food. Making a pot of iced tea takes almost no skill at all, inexpensive ingredients, and no special equipment, yet some families never make their own tea.

 

Recently, on a trip to Goodwill, I bought a couple of pans that will be for my dd to have when she moves out. They were two large skillets, very nice, durable, heavy stainless steel, for four bucks and change apiece. I realize there are folks who don't have five bucks some of the time, but if you buy a meal at McD's, what have you spent? Work-saving appliances for sale at Goodwill are a dime-a-dozen. I even had at one time, a free cookbook I got from USDA, with easy recipes for low-income families. Not to mention public libraries and the internet, where you can find thousands of recipes for low-budget and time-saving.

 

Cooking and eating together is a TREMENDOUSLY bonding activity. Anthropologically speaking, it is normal to solidify relationships through preparing and eating food together. The author of the article speaks of how it is hard to put a meal together while the kids are whining and begging for attention. Why not include them? Also, kids being picky is partially an outcome of just giving them chicken nuggets because it's easier. Nobody is picky in my household. I grant you, I might be lucky. But I don't think it is so much luck as that I have stuck to the program. I have always made homemade food and nobody "escaped" eating it by being allowed to eat cheese doodles instead. If you were hungry, you could eat the food I prepared. If you chose not to eat what I prepared, you could eat the next time I cooked.

[FaithManor]

I hate and despise cooking. There is nothing I hate more. Really, okay maybe snakes.

 

I cook all the dang time because I worry about their health. I have been married 26 years and frankly am so burned out on meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking that I have lost interest in food and have almost no appetite most days though I still like a little dark chocolate or a slice of gf cheesecake. Sometimes dh and the boys have to remind me to eat. By the time I am done preparing it, it no longer even looks good. Add to that canning, dehydrating, and freezing produce from the garden, and well, I think I am learning to hate food. I want to pop a Willie Wonka pill into my mouth and have it he a whole meal, LOL!

 

Once the last child goes to college, I am done. Dh can fend for himself. 

 

I told dh today that the kids better not expect the "go to grandma's house on the holidays and feast your brains out" insanity that my mother and mil provide. If they come home, they will be met with a deli tray, salad fixings, and we'll pay the catering bill for dinners!

[HS Mom in NC]

I think the author suffers from "drama girl" personality disorder.

 

1.  What people cook is a huge factor here.  If you have simple, one or two dish recipes, that's completely different than making more complex meals. So, until you sort that out, the article isn't useful. It's perfectly valid to have oatmeal for dinner sometimes.  It's fast and easy to cook and good for you.

 

2. Fussy people are a plague on society.  That's usually a personality issue exacerbated by parenting style.  Address that and the meal issues get easier. My mother's approach was "This is what we're having for dinner.  Eat it or be hungry.  It's up to you."  That's how you handle this kind of thing.

 

3. Many people live over scheduled lives.  That's not a cooking issue.  It has to be addressed separately.

 

4. Complaining and ungratefulness are character issues regardless of what's for dinner tonight.  Until that's addressed, it doesn't matter what you cook.

 

5. I know there are people with real food allergies.  This is not directed at them.  There are some people, particularly in the homeschooling community and yuppy types who jump on every food fad bandwagon and then play the martyr about how hard it is.  That's all self-inflicted.  For people who really do have these medical issues, I feel nothing by sympathy.

 

6. Not everyone enjoys cooking.  So?  I don't think we need to be upset about that.

 

7. Poverty is a separate issue.  Many poor communities have little access to fresh produce, a variety of products to choose from, etc. Often poverty is cyclical and plagued with very poor education in local public schools.  Lumping those specific issues in with people not wanting to cook in general is sloppy thinking.

 

8. Individual families differ.  My husband easily works 12+ hours a day 6-7 days a week and has for decades now.  Of COURSE I do the cooking.  Not every family is structured this way, so when it's not, the cooking can be shared. That's not about the cooking.  Also, parenting plays a role here.  Most 12 year olds and older should be able to prepare a few meals by themselves for the family. If they're not being taught to do this, it because their mothers need to raise their expectations of them.   2 of my 3 daughters and I cook meals. How much time is the average American watching TV?  Most of us could make more time to cook.

 

9. It's not all or nothing.  There are times when prepackaged meals make the most sense.  We all need to take responsibility for our health as much as we can, and for most of us in America, that means improving out diets by eating more fruits and vegetables minimally cooked, less red meats, less processed food, etc.  But if you choose to have packaged meals on those nights when things pile up, it's not going to be the end of the world if you do that during that phase of your life. 

[Mandylubug]

I hate and despise cooking. There is nothing I hate more. Really, okay maybe snakes.

 

I cook all the dang time because I worry about their health. I have been married 26 years and frankly am so burned out on meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking that I have lost interest in food and have almost no appetite most days though I still like a little dark chocolate or a slice of gf cheesecake. Sometimes dh and the boys have to remind me to eat. By the time I am done preparing it, it no longer even looks good. Add to that canning, dehydrating, and freezing produce from the garden, and well, I think I am learning to hate food. I want to pop a Willie Wonka pill into my mouth and have it he a whole meal, LOL!

 

Once the last child goes to college, I am done. Dh can fend for himself. 

 

I told dh today that the kids better not expect the "go to grandma's house on the holidays and feast your brains out" insanity that my mother and mil provide. If they come home, they will be met with a deli tray, salad fixings, and we'll pay the catering bill for dinners!

 

hey you can still be an awesome grandparent that way. My kids love going to the in laws because they have take out or the latest restaurant in the fridge. If they know we are coming, they will go to American Cookie company and grab a huge box of cookies or donuts. They still feast and my MIL never uses anything other than her fridge and microwave. Mine don't complain.. 

[aggieamy]

I have an erratic work schedule and doing laundry takes  a lot of time.  I hate it.  Sometimes my DH complains when he doesn't have any clean socks.  I hate laundry.  

 

Does that mean I don't have to do it?

 

 

[Mandylubug]

maybe she is on pinterest too much? I laugh at some of these food blogs and pins because you know the person is cooking and then has this gigantic camera taking photos of their just cooked masterpiece. Of course, we just see the professionally edited picture of their fancy perfect meal and maybe many ladies think they should be doing this daily after work? If you love to cook and make fancy meals and then photograph your awesomeness: GREAT! If you burn pintos in crockpots most of the time and do a happy dance when they actually look like edible beans and your family doesn't gag while they swallow them: that is ok, too!

 

Perhaps social media and pinterest is putting too much pressure on some people because they feel they should be measuring up the same to these people. That still isn't a *cooking* problem.

 

eta: no, social media itself isn't putting pressure but more-so, people are looking within the perfect glimpses of rare moments of peoples lives and wanting to replicate that at home daily. People are comparing themselves too much to others. Still, not a cooking problem but an outward comparison problem.

[Word Nerd]

I have an erratic work schedule and doing laundry takes  a lot of time.  I hate it.  Sometimes my DH complains when he doesn't have any clean socks.  I hate laundry.  

 

Does that mean I don't have to do it?

 

No. You just can't idealize having clean clothes. Because tyranny.

[KungFuPanda]

They need to lower their standards. I consider home-cooked to be a salad with grilled chicken on top. Maybe I made the salad; maybe it was bagged. Maybe I grilled the chicken; maybe it was precooked from the freezer. There's no oversight. Picky people are SOL.

[Mandylubug]

I have an erratic work schedule and doing laundry takes  a lot of time.  I hate it.  Sometimes my DH complains when he doesn't have any clean socks.  I hate laundry.  

 

Does that mean I don't have to do it?

 

well..... when DH and I both worked full time, I will admit to regularly buying packs of baby socks when mine were babies..and regularly buying packs of underwear and socks because I kept forgetting to wash and would be running out the door for kids to spend weekend with grandparents, etc....

 

so yeah... I may have staved off the sock complaints with buying more instead of washing what we had..many times. hahaha I was also that person that would burn something and figure I didn't have the time nor energy to scrub that pot and went and bought another one instead... I am ashamed at how much money I threw away back then!!!!

[Laura Corin]

I don't like cooking, but I do think that home-cooked meals are a good thing, finances and circumstances willing.  I don't stress about making gourmet anything: so long as it's reasonably tasty and largely healthy, then it's good.  

 

I do think that cooking quickly and efficiently is a learned skill - if I had had to start caring for a family with no budget and no proper kitchen, then I would not have reached the throw-something-decent together-in-half-an-hour stage.

 

L

[Carrie12345]

Funny enough, I didn't read the article, but I did read the response from Joel Salatin, lol.

 

Yeah, cooking from scratch is a burden.

So is homeschooling. So is doing laundry. So is scooping dog poop.
I do a lot of things that I don't always enjoy with my family's best interest in mind.  So does my husband.

[elegantlion]

I loathe cooking with every fiber of my being. My solution is a Scottish chef who cooks while wearing a kilt - I told ds I wanted one of those the other day. 

 

Even before I was a single parent, I hated cooking for probably many other reasons than food. Now, ds and I are burnt out on food- nothing sounds or tastes appealing, not even real food, we have a tiny budget that provides sustenance not real meals. The only good part is ds willingly helps with meal prep. I had a garage sale today and we're getting take out. I'm exhausted. 

 

We eat very simply, although he eats all the time. Once he moves out, I'll probably live on nuts, fruits, peanut butter, and coffee. I will be a squirrel. 

[KungFuPanda]

I have an erratic work schedule and doing laundry takes  a lot of time.  I hate it.  Sometimes my DH complains when he doesn't have any clean socks.  I hate laundry.  

 

Does that mean I don't have to do it?

I almost murdered my husband over laundry once. It was the Tuesday after a long weekend and he was complaining that he had no underwear. He did ZERO work that weekend while I did all the normal mom things. He got a huge lecture about me not being the Default setting for everything he doesn't feel like doing. It wasn't pretty. I get that he's a bad cook, but any fool can do laundry. EVERY piece of clothing comes with printed instructions attached!

[elegantlion]

I almost murdered my husband over laundry once. It was the Tuesday after a long weekend and he was complaining that he had no underwear. He did ZERO work that weekend while I did all the normal mom things. He got a huge lecture about me not being the Default setting for everything he doesn't feel like doing. It wasn't pretty. I get that he's a bad cook, but any fool can do laundry. EVERY piece of clothing comes with printed instructions attached!

 

Ds does his own laundry now, I love that. 

 

I used to spend 30 minutes putting hot rollers in my hair in an attempt to calm the frizz. I also used to blow dry. I haven't done either of those in at least two decades. 

 

I used to iron on a regular basis. I ironed a shirt last week (only because I didn't have time to wash it and it had fold wrinkles) for the first time in about five years. 

 

I don't feel lazy because I no longer do those things, I've adapted. I hope to do the same about cooking someday, I'm waiting not so patiently for my replicator - or the Scottish chef. 

[Wheres Toto]

I don't like to cook.  I would definitely consider it a burden, especially having to do it after a long day at work.  I basically hate everything about it from deciding what to make, to making sure we have the ingredients, to the time spent.

 

Lucky for me, dh does all the cooking in our house.  He likes to cook, is better at it and much more relaxed about it so it's not a burden to him.    He's been the cook the entire 10 years we've been married, even when I was home all day.

 

While it certainly won't help a single mother living in poverty, I think in most families things can be done to lessen the burden if it's felt to be one.  No complaining (or make your own), assisting with the grocery shopping or the preparation or at least the clean-up (until I returned to work, I did do all the cleaning up after dinner).  It doesn't have to be a one-sided burden.

 

[FaithManor]

Elegantlion nailed it. Squirrel! Sounds right.

 

I would be willing to make a crockpot of vegetarian chilli once a week to eat on with salads. Dh will eat nothing but chilli and salad for the rest of his days once "A" graduates unless of course he decides to take me out ot eat or cook something himself.

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

Ds does his own laundry now, I love that. 

 

I used to spend 30 minutes putting hot rollers in my hair in an attempt to calm the frizz. I also used to blow dry. I haven't done either of those in at least two decades. 

 

I used to iron on a regular basis. I ironed a shirt last week (only because I didn't have time to wash it and it had fold wrinkles) for the first time in about five years. 

 

I don't feel lazy because I no longer do those things, I've adapted. I hope to do the same about cooking someday, I'm waiting not so patiently for my replicator - or the Scottish chef.

 

I iron when I'm sewing something :-). My hot rollers see use 2-3 times a year. I've resorted to skipping shampoo and plenty of gel. I haven't the time nor the inclination to style my hair. When I do a dance performance, getting my hair and make-up ready is my least favorite part. I just don't enjoy it.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

 

I do think that cooking quickly and efficiently is a learned skill...

 

L

 

I completely agree.  When my oldest girls were younger we ate out all the time because we had the time and money.  I dabbled in cooking then.  Then the budget got tight and eating out was out of the question.  I decided I needed to learn how to cook tasty meals quickly.  Rachel Ray, America's Test Kitchen, and Allrecipes.com  have helped me so much!  Now I cook all kind of things people think are gourmet, but they're really not.  Rachel Ray recipes are truly 30 minute meals after you've done them once or twice.

 

I learned to meal plan and organize recipes and my freezer.  How?  Well, it started when I decided I needed to learn it and I told myself I could learn it and then I decided I would learn it. I left my kids with my husband and spent a few evenings at my local Barnes and Noble bookstore where they happily let you read through books before you purchase them.  As soon as a cookbook seemed unrealistic, it went back on the shelf and I picked up the next one until I found Rachel Ray.....God bless her!

 

[ErinE]

I think this was a good response:

http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-09-04/feminism-starts-in-the-kitchen

 

With suggestions at the end.

 

I don't like cooking, but I don't like my kids eating a lot of fast food. I try to make sure frozen veggies are always on hand, I try to think ahead for the meal, and I try to make sure we have at least one fast meal on hand (spaghetti sauce and pasta or breakfast for dinner).

[HS Mom in NC]

I almost murdered my husband over laundry once. It was the Tuesday after a long weekend and he was complaining that he had no underwear. He did ZERO work that weekend while I did all the normal mom things. He got a huge lecture about me not being the Default setting for everything he doesn't feel like doing. It wasn't pretty. I get that he's a bad cook, but any fool can do laundry. EVERY piece of clothing comes with printed instructions attached!

 

My husband and I had it out over laundry the first month we were married.  I was a farm kid with 3 older brothers (piles of laundry.) He was a suburb kid with an OCD mom who had nothing to do all day while her 2 kids were in school. He wanted his pants washed with the zippers zipped up and all the buttons buttoned.  I told him if that's how he wanted them washed, then that's how he needed to put them in the laundry hamper.  He said, "Fine.  I'll just do it myself, then."  I said, "OK."  He still does his own laundry and so do my kids when they turn 9.

 

I don't own things that need ironing. If my kids choose clothes that need ironing, they have to iron it themselves.  I don't mind ironing for my husband when he has to be on site because he usually works from home in t-shirts and shorts or jeans.

 

[Kalmia]

I cook at least 75% of our meals from scratch. I do think that for some busy families buying already-cooked, healthy food is a good option. I even think that the once-in-a-while, bad day, emergency trip through the KFC drive-thru is okay. But the author's argument that if all people cannot achieve a societal ideal, that ideal should be thrown aside is laughable.

 

Joel Salatin, outspoken farmer and author of Folks, This Ain't Normal, has a reply to The Slate article in Mother Earth News.

 

http://www.motherearthnews.com/real-food/slate-family-dinner-zb0z1409zsie.aspx#axzz3CZkBhNXD

[nevergiveup]

My cooking has screwed up my kids.

 

Seriously.  They will NEVER find a woman to marry that cooks as much and from scratch as I do.

[fraidycat]

I do not agree with this article. Home-cooked meals have much more potential to be inexpensive, nutritious, good-tasting, and bonding than convenience foods or restaurant food. I do agree that it often takes more time, and I confess I have never been a single, working-class mother living in an infested hotel room, but between appliances that cut work and time, and the myriad cookbooks, websites, etc. available, I don't believe there are large numbers of mothers who cannot cook food rather than buy junk food. Making a pot of iced tea takes almost no skill at all, inexpensive ingredients, and no special equipment, yet some families never make their own tea.

 

Recently, on a trip to Goodwill, I bought a couple of pans that will be for my dd to have when she moves out. They were two large skillets, very nice, durable, heavy stainless steel, for four bucks and change apiece. I realize there are folks who don't have five bucks some of the time, but if you buy a meal at McD's, what have you spent? Work-saving appliances for sale at Goodwill are a dime-a-dozen. I even had at one time, a free cookbook I got from USDA, with easy recipes for low-income families. Not to mention public libraries and the internet, where you can find thousands of recipes for low-budget and time-saving.

 

Cooking and eating together is a TREMENDOUSLY bonding activity. Anthropologically speaking, it is normal to solidify relationships through preparing and eating food together. The author of the article speaks of how it is hard to put a meal together while the kids are whining and begging for attention. Why not include them? Also, kids being picky is partially an outcome of just giving them chicken nuggets because it's easier. Nobody is picky in my household. I grant you, I might be lucky. But I don't think it is so much luck as that I have stuck to the program. I have always made homemade food and nobody "escaped" eating it by being allowed to eat cheese doodles instead. If you were hungry, you could eat the food I prepared. If you chose not to eat what I prepared, you could eat the next time I cooked.

You are INCREDIBLY lucky, just so you know. At least my 8 year old is now old enough to clean up his own vomit. It is not because I "gave in to the easy chicken nuggets". He is even good about TRYING new things. It just do happens that the texture or taste of some things will, in fact, end up in a spontaneous vomit episode moments after he swallows. It happened with the cornsilk tea just two days ago.

 

He is free to "escape" eating whenever he feels like it. Lesson learned the hard (stinky, pukey) way.

 

ETA: That doesn't mean he gets cheese doodles, but he doesn't have to starve until the next meal, either. He just gets some else, even I did work to prepare the meal (my most loathed chore, ever).

[Tammi K]

My favorite dinner request is. "Can we do 'fit-it-yourself' for dinner tonight?"  Yep, I've got them trained pretty good. :coolgleamA:

[Susan in TN]

I think "tyranny" is a little strong. And maybe people need to be a little less sensitive and learn to accept what they can and can't do. Maybe I'm a victim of the tyranny of providing a classical education for my children. That's my ideal but I know I can't do it all.

 

Home cooking is just one among hundreds of really good, beneficial things that you just have to decide where they lie in your list of priorities.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Tyranny?  Really?  Then I protest the tyranny of cleaning bathrooms .. and of doing laundry.  While it isn't always the most fun thing in the world, it isn't rocket science.  For the average family (not single parents in poverty) it is only tyranny if you make it that way.  Homeschool Mom in AZ nailed it. 

 

I have had to do the learn to completely change how we eat when we discovered my oldest was allergic to milk (like hives and wheezing allergy.)  I had to cook everything from scratch back then because pretty much everything everywhere had some sort of milk product in it.  That meant 3 meals and 3 snacks.  Then I had a kid with major sensory issues and a very limited palate.  Menu planning was the only thing that kept me sane.  Yes it was a pain to plan that much, but it made grocery shopping easier and cheaper and it eliminated the decision of what to make.  We also learned to cook once, eat twice - planned leftovers. There were times when meals were pretty darn boring.  

 

Even young children can learn to help in the kitchen.  I my house it was a requirement.   (This was especially important for my sensory kid to appreciate the effort that goes into feeding him.)  I have an autoimmune disorder and am often spent by 3 in the afternoon.  I have called directions from the couch.  Do we eat gourmet meals?  Not really.  My husband eventually took over a bunch of cooking when I was burned out from the sensory kid.  He likes to cook.  Even if he didn't, he would be helping because he is a grown up and grown ups contribute. 

[creekland]

I don't enjoy cooking and it does add stress to my life, but I think calling home cooking "tyranny" is rather melodramatic. I use processed food (gasp!) and we eat out regularly, but that doesn't mean home-cooked meals aren't healthier and cheaper. There already is a lot of research supporting the fact that they are better for many different reasons, so why shouldn't they be viewed as the ideal? 

 

:iagree:  We eat mainly healthier stuff, but we also cheat at times with no regrets.  When my kids were home, it was definitely less expensive for us to do home cooked meals and I could make them healthy.

 

I hate and despise cooking. There is nothing I hate more. Really, okay maybe snakes.

 

I cook all the dang time because I worry about their health.

 

...

 

Once the last child goes to college, I am done. Dh can fend for himself. 

 

I told dh today that the kids better not expect the "go to grandma's house on the holidays and feast your brains out" insanity that my mother and mil provide. If they come home, they will be met with a deli tray, salad fixings, and we'll pay the catering bill for dinners!

 

You know, more and more I'm convinced we truly are sisters that got separated at birth!  ;)  Now that my last one has gone to college the vast majority of our meals have been easy, easy, easy.  Last night we skipped supper (though I have to admit we feasted at the county fair for lunch and snacks - not inexpensive or healthy, but certainly tasty!).  Tonight we might do a Klondike bar... that's what I have in mind anyway.  Other nights I'll cook a summer squash or two and pick some grapes from our vine.

 

Fortunately, hubby is right on board with this!

 

And I told my kids they ought to invest on getting mom a personal chef once they get settled in their jobs.  I'll show the chef my recipes as I do love the flavor of those, but then they can do the work 3 - 4 days per week!

 

My favorite dinner request is. "Can we do 'fit-it-yourself' for dinner tonight?"  Yep, I've got them trained pretty good. :coolgleamA:

 

It was "helpy thy selfy" at our house.  We did it fairly often - not all the time, but as needed for sanity.

 

Fortunately, my kids weren't picky, nor is hubby.

[KungFuPanda]

I learned from this board that I could pull out all the mismatched leftovers, serve them together, and call it A Buffet. Genius.

[fraidycat]

As for the "Tyranny" aspect, I do agree with the word usage here.

 

Does society make you feel like the "worst Mom ever" if you don't clean the bathrooms three times/ day. If you choose to use textbooks vs. living books? If your clothes are wash and wear vs. dry clean and press always?

 

Not so much.

 

However, mothers do feel guilty if they don't put *from scratch*, three homemade, hot squares on the table where the whole family sits together for the meal. It has so permeated our culture that Three Hot Homemade Squares is the ideal that we feel like we need to justify every time we don't do it.

 

I did X, so the kids only got cereal for breakfast.

I was so tired after work, we grabbed take-out.

I had a bad day, so we ordered pizza.

 

If we weren't led to believe (tyrannized) into the "ideal", then why are the qualifiers necessary to justify our meal choices. It's subtle, and insidious, but it's there in every one of us.

[mommymilkies]

And even if you save a few dimes up front, just think of the pain and agony not to mention the medical bills when the illnesses pop up because of eating "off the dollar menu."

When you're worried about just getting food to your children, thinking about medical bills way down the road is not really even a thing.

 

I'm cooking a bowl of Cheerios for dinner tonight. 

 

I hope you're not actually cooking them. *shudder*

Funny enough, I didn't read the article, but I did read the response from Joel Salatin, lol.

 

Yeah, cooking from scratch is a burden.

So is homeschooling. So is doing laundry. So is scooping dog poop.

I do a lot of things that I don't always enjoy with my family's best interest in mind.  So does my husband.

Yeah, but many people try to reduce their burdens. I really don't fault people who don't want to cook after a long day.  That's one burden I can get bitter about.

 

My husband and I had it out over laundry the first month we were married.  I was a farm kid with 3 older brothers (piles of laundry.) He was a suburb kid with an OCD mom who had nothing to do all day while her 2 kids were in school. He wanted his pants washed with the zippers zipped up and all the buttons buttoned.  I told him if that's how he wanted them washed, then that's how he needed to put them in the laundry hamper.  He said, "Fine.  I'll just do it myself, then."  I said, "OK."  He still does his own laundry and so do my kids when they turn 9.

 

I don't own things that need ironing. If my kids choose clothes that need ironing, they have to iron it themselves.  I don't mind ironing for my husband when he has to be on site because he usually works from home in t-shirts and shorts or jeans.

 

Our husbands must be brothers.  He had NEVER done his laundry until a couple years ago.  Shortly after we moved in together he complained about his shirts not being completely buttoned onto the hangers.  Oh, I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I told him to do it himself because I had clothes for 5 people to wash, dry, and put away.  He's stopped mentioning it.  My kids all help with laundry now.  I refuse to let them get to adulthood without these skills. 

 

FWIW I made homemade matzoh ball soup and vegetarian Cornish pasties for dinner.  I really wanted Chicago style pizza.  :glare:  I don't think it's tyranny, but there may be an uprising if I don't get that pizza soon. Oh, and the greatest thing on God's green earth is a teenager who loves to cook.  My oldest has had a cooking hobby since she was little.  She can make from scratch pastries, muffins, pie crust, breads, cookies, and a full Thanksgiving dinner among other things.  The one thing I've done right in this life.  :lol:

[KungFuPanda]

FWIW I made homemade matzoh ball soup and vegetarian Cornish pasties for dinner.  I really wanted Chicago style pizza.  :glare:  I don't think it's tyranny, but there may be an uprising if I don't get that pizza soon. Oh, and the greatest thing on God's green earth is a teenager who loves to cook.  My oldest has had a cooking hobby since she was little.  She can make from scratch pastries, muffins, pie crust, breads, cookies, and a full Thanksgiving dinner among other things.  The one thing I've done right in this life.  :lol:

My teen who cooks limits her interests to desserts. While it's nice to have a resident pastry chef, it's just not the same as REAL food. My son has recently taken an interest in cooking. So far he's also made desserts. What gives?

[mommymilkies]

My teen who cooks limits her interests to desserts. While it's nice to have a resident pastry chef, it's just not the same as REAL food. My son has recently taken an interest in cooking. So far he's also made desserts. What gives?

Mine prefers making desserts, but I've nudged her to branch out.  She's also a vegetarian, so she makes a lot of alternate meals for herself.  Obviously desserts are the optimal food group, so I understand why one would get stuck there.

[PeachyDoodle]

I learned from this board that I could pull out all the mismatched leftovers, serve them together, and call it A Buffet. Genius.

 

Or you could try my Dad's go-to dinner when we were kids: Cereal bar.

 

Get out every box of cereal in the pantry, line them up on the counter, and say, "Knock yourselves out."

 

:D

 

[mommymilkies]

Let's not stop idealising it. Home cooked meals are nearly always going to be much healthier than any other kind of meal.

 

Let's share the burden of cooking around, so women aren't stuck doing it night after night after night. Let's be flexible and eat take-out for the week mom is in hospital or the whole house has academic  papers due.

 

But let's not throw out the home cooked meal, especially if we want to be healthy.

Unless my MIL cooks.  :scared:

[Artichoke]

As several have said, dinner on the table doesn't have to be an event. With the exception of those living in extreme poverty, all of us can get a meal on the table in the evening. Scrambled eggs and toast, rice and beans, sandwiches and cut -up veggies, etc are all worthy of a place on our tables. I think too many of us, myself included, have fallen prey to the myth of the " most nutritional, most tasty, most frugal, most gourmet, most whatever " dinner meal. As harsh as it sounds, I think many of us gals bring the stress on ourselves by searching the Internet and pinterest.

[Guest]

As for the "Tyranny" aspect, I do agree with the word usage here.

 

However, mothers do feel guilty if they don't put *from scratch*, three homemade, hot squares on the table where the whole family sits together for the meal. It has so permeated our culture that Three Hot Homemade Squares is the ideal that we feel like we need to justify every time we don't do it.

 

I did X, so the kids only got cereal for breakfast.

I was so tired after work, we grabbed take-out.

I had a bad day, so we ordered pizza.

 

If we weren't led to believe (tyrannized) into the "ideal", then why are the qualifiers necessary to justify our meal choices. It's subtle, and insidious, but it's there in every one of us.

I don't find that to be the case where I am. I feel in the far minority because I make *one* from-scratch meal most days. My kids eat cereal for breakfast most days, or yogurt and fruit. I pack good-but-not-miraculous lunches for my school kids; for my remaining hser, sometimes I make homemade mac and cheese, but other times, he makes himself PBJ. My kids even eat Ramen once in a while.