TeacherZee Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Awesome list My dad did all of these (and now does many of them for his granddaughters, as a matter of fact, God help him and all others if he is there at Bed time and does NOT put littlest niece to bed...all hell will break loose :)). Do you have any to add? Mine is "when he realises that he has bought the wrong feminine hygine product for his daughter while away with her at soccer camp when she has her first period he talks to a trusted female and asks her to get the right stuff" My dad is made of so much win!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Love that! My dad is not represented by that list, but my DH sure is. Although, I stand by my stance on DH and laundry. He needs to stay away from mine....experience has been a cruel teacher and I am still mourning the loss of a few good sweaters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 My dad did 2 of the things on that list. But he was from a different generation. My husband, otoh, does most of these things and then some. I banned him from laundry and limit his kitchen time because he does not clean as he goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Love that! My dad is not represented by that list, but my DH sure is. Although, I stand by my stance on DH and laundry. He needs to stay away from mine....experience has been a cruel teacher and I am still mourning the loss of a few good sweaters. I will say that when I moved home for grad school I did my own laundry most of the time for exactly that reason. My dad does a lot of laundry, and over the years he has learned the value of separating colours but he still hasn't quite understood that different fabrics requires you to read the label. :) My grandfather (born in 1932) actually did a lot of these things too. Anymore he also does almost all the cooking. I am incredibly fortunate in my family, we have always had good rolemodels when it comes to the men. Which might be why I am still single, Way to high standards :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Awesome list, love it. My dh hits almost all of those, except that I stay at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyP Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I love this. My dh does most of these things. I have a kinda related story. We were at a wedding this spring and my dh took all 5 kids through the food line while I was busy. The young men standing around were in awe: Dude, you're like superman. LOL. It was very cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 My dh does nearly everything on that list. He doesn't do nails, but he has brushed dd's long hair often and for a time she much preferred that he do it because he was much gentler than I. He also does laundry more often than I do. Cooking, not so often, but sometimes. And he has never been a SAHD though he wanted to at one time; it just didn't work out. Years later our situation is very different and he's discovered he much prefers going to work; I've discovered I prefer to stay home. My father only ever helped with baths very occasionally. He went to work and when he came home he just wanted to eat and watch tv. He did work 1 full time and 2 part time jobs, but still, I don't have good memories of him helping around the house or being affectionate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PuddleJumper1 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Love that list! Dh does almost all of those except I stay home. My dad did most also when his work schedule allowed for it. I was blessed to have a wonderful father and my kids are blessed to have a great dad (even though he doesn't see himself that way) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 This is really interesting for me when I compare my dh to *his* dad. His dad didn't do any of this and yet dh does most of it. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I can't believe I just found this topic. I was just over on FB and got all riled up by this list that someone else posted and was about to say something like this is perpetuating the mommy wars (are there daddy wars?). The list, to me, is like a little self-righteous in that while it aims to cover acts that are non-traditional, it also glaringly over simplifies what a good dad is. I would hope that men do some or a lot of those tasks on the list. But just like anything else, some do and some don't. Just like mommy stuff. I guess this list rubbed me the wrong way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I guess I don't find most of those things remarkable. My husband doesn't do our daughter's hair or nails, but neither did I. He didn't choose to be a stay home dad because I chose to be a stay home mom. He'd cook and do laundry if I wasn't the parent at home. I guess some items would have been remarkable in my father's generation. But not for dads now. ETA: My dad was born in 1916. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 At first I thought, oh you want a medal for loving your kids? Ridiculous. But when I read the captions and thought more about it, for me, it's really more of a comparison on how dad's are vs what they see in the media. And in my case, my dh deserves a lot of credit for becoming involved when his own dad definitely didn't (and doesn't) display any of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Hi, OP here For me this wasn't about daddy wars but rather the opposit. As the title says it is actually about dads being dads, NOT the blundering bafoons they are often portrayed as being in the media. How often isn't the point of a sitcom the fact that a dad can't put on the diaper. Or in the case of my story, they fall to pieces at the mere thought of a girl having a period. Most dads do most of these things, but we rarely se them do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Love that! My dad is not represented by that list, but my DH sure is. Although, I stand by my stance on DH and laundry. He needs to stay away from mine....experience has been a cruel teacher and I am still mourning the loss of a few good sweaters. Same here. My dad was nothing like that list but my husband sure is. Being a good father and hubby is a priority for him. I also keep my husband far away from my clothes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 You don't see those things in the media? I see ads all the time showing dads actively taking care of their kids. I see them doing it in sit-coms. I see them talking about being a stay-at-home dad on one of the talk shows to the point where it just isn't that rare any more. I see them doing those things in books (mostly picture books but still). I see dads doing those things all around me where I live and I haven't seen anyone even blink an eye at it. They are good things but so normal that it seems strange to point them out. My dad is 92 and he did some of the things and not others but I think there's been a shift in what dad's do going back to at least the 80's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I can't believe I just found this topic. I was just over on FB and got all riled up by this list that someone else posted and was about to say something like this is perpetuating the mommy wars (are there daddy wars?). The list, to me, is like a little self-righteous in that while it aims to cover acts that are non-traditional, it also glaringly over simplifies what a good dad is. I would hope that men do some or a lot of those tasks on the list. But just like anything else, some do and some don't. Just like mommy stuff. I guess this list rubbed me the wrong way. But the list isn't a "this are the things good dads do", that wasn't the point of the article. The point was "these are things that fathers do in real life that you are not seeing often on TV." I didn't take it all as saying that good dads would do all those things or that it was some sort of guidebook. To me it read more like an exasperated "we need to see more real portrayals of men and fathers in the media", the same way you see frustrated articles about how we wish women were more often shown as something other than sex objects. It wasn't intended as man vs man, but man vs media. For my part, my Dad did a few of those things, moreso than most father of his generation. My FIL did next to none for their kids... heck, they barely knew him when they were growing up. DH doesn't do all of them (he can barely figure out his own hair and nail care, let alone a little girl's, rofl) but he definitely does the ones that matter to our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Dh has done all of those things including being the stay home parent for a bit. He also played dolls for years on Saturday mornings with dds. My dad did only a few of the things on the list. They are both awesome fathers. I agree we don't get a realistic view of parents - dads especially - in the media. It's one of the reasons my dds have always been drawn to older tv shows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 You don't see those things in the media? I see ads all the time showing dads actively taking care of their kids. I see them doing it in sit-coms. I see them talking about being a stay-at-home dad on one of the talk shows to the point where it just isn't that rare any more. I see them doing those things in books (mostly picture books but still). I see dads doing those things all around me where I live and I haven't seen anyone even blink an eye at it. They are good things but so normal that it seems strange to point them out. My dad is 92 and he did some of the things and not others but I think there's been a shift in what dad's do going back to at least the 80's. I do see it, but not as much as I seen in real life. And I still think I see the bumbling dad more than the competent one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 My dad didn't do most of those things. My husband and brothers do them all except staying home by choice and wondering if they did a good job. They seem to have this confidence that if they did it at all, of course it's an awesome job. I'm not sure where this confidence comes from, but I assure you it's not entirely from results :-/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 DH does many of those things, including SAHD by choice. He also does so much better at dressing our kid that he puts together outfits and puts them on the same hanger so I can just grab one hanger and have a pretty outfit. DD used to have a fan club of older ladies that liked to see what DD was wearing to swim class. It used to drive DH bonkers that they chastised him for "making your hard-working wife pick out her clothes." She was dressed so cute, it had to be the mom that put together the outfit. He doesn't clean, and I do baths. I think we are much happier being able to pick out the chores that we don't mind so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad did most of these things. My ex-husband (the father of my children) did most of these things. My husband does most of these things. I do most of these things. Most of the parents I know do most of these things. Since the whole purpose was to show that real fathers are usually different than what is portrayed in the media, I'll buy into it. In reality, being a good parent is much more than what is listed here, but then I think we all know that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad isn't represented on this list. My FIL doesn't even come close to hitting this list, but my dh gets about 3/4 of it. He has had to work hard to learn how to be that sort of man. It doesn't come naturally to him and it wasn't what he was taught or has seen around him at all. He does put a lot of effort into figuring out how to be the dad his kids need. I appreciate it a LOT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad didn't do a single thing on that list, but my DH pretty much rocks all of it. Including the doing-of-hair and painting-of-nails...except we have boys. :laugh: The only thing he doesn't do is stay at home, but he gladly would if job circumstances were conducive to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad was certainly there for us, but he didn't do all the mom things except when my mom (and we growing kids) couldn't. What he did do is a lot of things my mom would not even attempt, such as rebuilding the foundation of our house, snaking out the clogged sewer, etc. Buying your daughter's tampons is one thing, cleaning them up from a sewer overflow is at a whole other level. LOL. Dads rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad and his dad represent the list. My grandfather was born in 1919 and he did stuff on the list. My dh's dad did not. My dh does. Except stay home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 To add to the list: Take daughter to buy her first bra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 The list is arbitrary. You do not have to do all of the things on that list to be an involved father. Some things just depend on need. All things being equal, my dd would want me to do some of the more "girly" things on the list simply because it allows us to share our girliness. If I'm not available it doesn't mean that dh can't or won't do them but not all families have two working parents and it naturally will fall to the non-working parent of either gender to do more of some of these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Help a 5 year old build a dozen Wall Es out of Legos and then dump out all the Legos and make trash mountains and then make a stop motion movie together of the one "working" Wall E cubing up the trash mountain. That would be my husband's morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Cute pictures! Re: #6, DH has been the Sleep Parent since DS turned 1... as was his father before him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My dad never did my hair or nails, and he was never a stay at home parent, but everything else he did. His father (my grandfather) did not though. Being a parent in the 1920s-1930s was definitely different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 14, 2014 Author Share Posted June 14, 2014 The list is arbitrary. You do not have to do all of the things on that list to be an involved father. Some things just depend on need. All things being equal, my dd would want me to do some of the more "girly" things on the list simply because it allows us to share our girliness. If I'm not available it doesn't mean that dh can't or won't do them but not all families have two working parents and it naturally will fall to the non-working parent of either gender to do more of some of these things. I am sorry you seem to be taking this topic so personally. If you read my OP again you will see that I asked for other examples of things good dads do. I hope you have something to contribute from the dad's you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I was raised by a man like this in the 70s and 80s. Consequently, I married a man like this, too. While I adore both my father and my husband, I didn't really think anything special of things like this list, actually. To me, what makes my favorite fathers special are their self-sacrificing love for their kids. That can manifest in different ways for different men, I would think... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I was raised my a man like this in the 70s and 80s. Consequently, I married a man like this, too. While I adore both my father and my husband, I didn't really think anything special of things like this list, actually. To me, what makes my favorite fathers special are their self-sacrificing love for their kids. That can manifest in different ways for different men, I would think... Yup. Just like what makes my favorite mothers special are their self-sacrificing love for their kids that manifests in different ways for different women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Those photos are sweet. #19 made me teary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 If you find yourself taking a BuzzFeed listicle that seriously, maybe you should sign off the web for the day. ETA: That sounds more b!tchy than I intended. I've been there and done that many times, too, and I do think it's a sign that it's probably time to get offline. I get much more upset about dumb quotes being misattributed to Oscar Wilde or Shakespeare on Pinterest than I have reason to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 14, 2014 Author Share Posted June 14, 2014 I'm honestly mostly baffled by the amount of people who seem to be angry at an article, in the run up to father's day, that shows fathers who love their kids. I also find it strange that people will take the time to be offended/angered by something so basic. But whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 To add to the list: Take daughter to buy her first bra. Reminds me of a guy I worked with at a summer job. He was a single dad to four daughters. Every time one of them needed a training bra he made a huge celebration of the life event and took them to Victoria Secret to be properly fitted. Fun guy, awesome dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 My dad did a few, but my hubby does almost all of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 awww, some of those photos are just beautiful! *sniff sniff* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Vacuum ponytail. A sahd dad I know keeps posting this on facebook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awisha. Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Those photos are sweet. #19 made me teary. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 I am neither offended nor angry. And I'm not seeing outrage in other posts either... And of course the fathers in the pictures may or may not love those kids lol It's just not for everyone, that's all. No big deal. This is a discussion forum right? Well, yes it is a discussion forum, but the question asked was if there are other things that dads do that we don't see often that makes them good dads. I guess I see some of the comments in this thread to be coming out of the left field. If I posted a thread asking for recipes for a cake and someone responded with a recipe for soup. Yes they are both food, but that wasn't really what was asked. See what I mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Well, yes it is a discussion forum, but the question asked was if there are other things that dads do that we don't see often that makes them good dads. I guess I see some of the comments in this thread to be coming out of the left field. If I posted a thread asking for recipes for a cake and someone responded with a recipe for soup. Yes they are both food, but that wasn't really what was asked. See what I mean? I was responding to the article like so often we do on this board. Someone posts a blog or an article and people respond with their opinions. I'm sorry that I did not do exactly as you wanted me to do. My dad and my dh do things that are tailored to the child and the circumstance. Sometimes it might fit your stereotype and sometimes it doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 When on a trip to Chicago quite a few years ago when ODD was 3 and YDD was just six months, YDD woke at about 6:00am and DH strapped her in the Ergo and took her for a walk so that ODD and I could still sleep. He got several comments about playing "Mr. Mom." He let it roll off his back but by the tenth person (well I really should say men because only men said anything to him), he finally said, "No, it's called being a Dad!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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