Scared

[SKL]

I am iffy about telling the other church members about the report.  But if I did, I would probably put it in terms of "wow, now that I've gone through that I know to really think twice and three times before reporting based on 'what if.'  I could think of much better ways to make sure a child is safe than calling a complete stranger to scare the parents and disrupt the children's lives.  I wonder why the person didn't just come and ask me how he hurt himself?  Any sane person knows that kids hurt themselves as a matter of course."

 

We need to fight against this growing tide.  Kids aren't going to be able to grow up normally if parents feel the need to prevent every possible boo-boo, or to keep them inside whenever they have one.

[SKL]

And that lady who asked you for your kids is a loon.  Too bad there isn't a hotline for that.

[Guest submarines]

And that lady who asked you for your kids is a loon.  Too bad there isn't a hotline for that.

 

If it were me, I'd be calling the non-emergency police number and reporting her asking to give away my child in conjunction with  an unsubstantiated CPS report. I wouldn't worry if I sounded silly, and I'd want to be taken seriously. She's obviously disturbed and she's like zeroing in on the OP's children.

[SKL]

My mom said that people used to sometimes ask her to sell her tot to them.  It's kind of funny in retrospect, but what a weird moment that must have been.  It would be interesting to know how common this actually is.  (It never happened to me.  ;) )

[gardenmom5]

   

You never know who is jealous.... I have been asked 2 times to be a surrogate mother for a childless single woman in our church and said no. ..... then I was asked to give up my baby I was pregnant with ( my 1 year old) ...... Really?!

 

wow.  talk about chutzpuh!   that should have been a (*)(&()^ NO! my mother "suggested" I be a surrogate for my sister when I was an unmarried 18yo because she'd had a miscarriage after two abortions. No. way. not even if hades froze over.

[FO4UR]

I am actually very concerned that the nutty woman who wanted you first as a surrogate, then asked you to give her your unborn child and you toddler, is the actual culprit. Clearly this person is not well and I could easily imagine her concocting a plan where she hopes your children end up taken into care and she and her daughter ask DFS to let them foster the young ones.

 

Do not EVER be alone with this woman, just get away from her if she comes near, and never leave your young children at a class, in the nursery, turn your back,....she may be unstable enough to attempt to take one.

 

I once babysat for a 2 year old whom a neighbor woman became obssessed with...thankfully, the parents forewarned me that she was a creeper. I had to call the police because she tried coming through the child's bedroom window.

 

I would be inclined to leave the church just to keep that woman away from my family.

 

 

 

My hunch, from what you've posted, is that the Crazy Baby Lady made the call.  I think i'd talk with the PW and feel her out too.  She will either evade the conversation (and you need to leave the church) or she will be appalled (and will help deal with the Crazy Lady).  

 

 

Meanwhile, I'd be HIGHLY tempted to put a prayer request out on the prayer chain for your kiddos who are now scared to sleep at night b/c someone wrongly called CPS. 

 

 

Crazy Lady needs to be dealt with.  She will target another family when she figures out she's done with yours.  That's one reason why I wouldn't just leave the church.  The main reason is that it's YOUR church!  Lacking other reasons to leave, you should stay...especially if it's figured out that Crazy Lady did indeed make that call.  She doesn't represent the church...and the church needs your story to justify their actions towards protecting others from her.

 

 

Either way, praying for you and your family.  

[Guest submarines]

I'd be also wondering whether the couple who were looking into surrogacy (if they were even looking) knew about the woman's trying to negotiate this for them. This church is too close for my comfort. Boundaries, anyone? (Btw, I don't see anything wrong with the couple approaching someone for surrogacy--might be awkward, but within normal.)

[JFSinIL]

My in-laws got called to my husband's school once long ago when he was in kiddiegarten.  The teacher was upset and the principal concerned as SOMETHING was obviously not right at home...the little boy was only using black to color in class!! 

 

Turns out, since he was one of six kids and  did not want to be a bother,  he did not tell anyone that all the other crayons in his box had been snitched by his siblings. 

[gardenmom5]

if CPS realizes this anonymous report was false, would that go into a file for future reference that someone HAS filed false claims againt you? (and could well do it again - which is where people filing these types of claims need to be held accountable.)

 

even some trained people, can be so afraid of "missing something", they will "see things" that aren't there. personality make a big difference.

[KrissiK]

I am so sorry you had to go through this! We fost-adopted our kids, so while we've never been investigated by CPS, I understand that powerless feeling where it's like you have to defend every paper cut and scrape a child has. It's a horrible feeling to be suspected and with CPS, there is no "innocent till proven guilty". It seems like it's the other way around. You have to prove you are not abusing your children. The burden of proof is not on CPS.

[SKL]

if CPS realizes this anonymous report was false, would that go into a file for future reference that someone HAS filed false claims againt you? (and could well do it again - which is where people filing these types of claims need to be held accountable.)

 

I'm not an expert in this, but I think that they don't say "false," they say "unsubstantiated," and I think if anything, it works against you if you are reported again.  Like if you get 5 reports and they didn't find evidence, you are probably just good at hiding it or coaching your kids or something.

 

And since they asked the lady if she had an idea who could have reported her, I would assume that person did not leave a name.  So that person could call again and I guess it would be treated the same as if a new person was calling.

 

[zoobie]

Surrogate mother? Give up your unborn child for adoption? Someone would be willing to take your current 2-year-old?

 

WHAT?

 

What kind of crazy congregation IS this?

 

I have never in my life heard any of those questions asked of anyone, and you've heard all three from one group of people?

 

That's what I was thinking. Any of the three could be/has been a bad Lifetime movie plot. That level of nuttery would scare me away.

[Unicorn.]

I have to agree w/ others, that it was probably either the lady that asked if you would give up one of your children, or the one who wanted one of your children. Those ladies are insane, and were probably hoping to get your children through foster care.

 

Let us know what happens when you talk to the pastor.. pay close attention to his reaction (don't leave your dh to speak to him alone..be there to gauge his reaction. That will also let you know if his wife was involved. But I doubt she was)

[Dory]

That would be horrifically stressful and scary. I've been there. Not with my church, but with other people that I thought were trustworthy friends. There are going to be a couple crazies in almost every congregation. If the church is mostly a good fit, I would let one or two nut jobs keep you from going there. You did nothing wrong.

Good luck, I hope the chat with your pastor goes well.

[LucyStoner]

Gently, but unapologetically, I really think you need a new church. Any ONE of those things I might just move past. ALL of them in the same church? Time to be finding a new community. That's just some messed up mess.

[SKL]

Just thinking outside the box - are you sure it wasn't a neighbor who saw your little one while he was outdoors / on the porch?  Are you sure one of your other children didn't say something that was misinterpreted and reported by a 3rd party?

 

I'd hate to see you leave a church without really being sure the church people were the source of this.

[bolt.]

In principle:

 

A concerned person getting jumpy about shadows around a tot's eyes in a dumb over-reaction to call CPS. And calling CPS out of malice is a horrible thing to do to someone -- but neither of these things spoils a whole Church. A Church doesn't get to choose who attends there, right?

 

In your situation:

 

Your Church sounds like it fosters and shelters some really "off" behaviour. Calling CPS assertively or maliciously is just one of the things that you have mentioned as a red flag.

 

I wouldn't leave over one thing, if I loved the Church and felt great there (up to this point). I would leave over the growing sense of intrusion and unease that is coming through here.

 

Do you find your sensation that it is time to be done with this Church at all similar in spiritual-feel to the sense you tend to ascribe to feeling a nudge or warning from God?

 

Notes if you go:

 

Don't talk it through with the kids. You are staying or going for adult reasons. Decide with your DH and then just tell the kids what will happen.

 

Don't drag out an exit process with prolonged 'who did what wrong' interviews and meetings. Let the pastor know, briefly and factually. Tell him your faith is ok, but there are hard feelings, and you will do better ekes rehearse from now on. Encourage him to respect your decision and wish you well. Do not get dragged in to drama.

[Aura]

I disagree about staying at that church. I would not do it. I would probably have a talk with the pastor and explain why we weren't staying, and I would be upfront about it with anyone that asked, though I probably wouldn't just volunteer the information. But I would not stay.

 

If someone has a concern about my kids, they should come to me about it. In fact, that's happened several times before at church. I have six rough and tumble kids. Every one of them has gone to church with scrapes, bruises, etc., particularly the toddlers, because they're so clumsy and they try so hard to keep up with their older siblings! The reactions I get are along the lines of: "Poor little boy! What happened?" Followed by an explanation from kid or mom, or both.

 

Calling CPS or even threatening to call CPS because a kid has some bruise is not normal and screams warning signs. It is crossing a line with me, and I will not be a part of any group where there was even one person present that did that. It would counteract any good from being a part of that group. I would worry that anything my kids or I did might cause them call CPS again. It isn't worth it. I would never be able to interact normally at that church again. There are other churches out there.

[dirty ethel rackham]

To tell you the truth, I would have left after encountering the crazy "baby stealer" lady.  That is just creepy. 

[abba12]

I'm coming back because I have had an uncomfortable feeling since reading this the first time. 

 

Obviously I know nothing about the person or church, but I am very, very concerned about the lady who has previously asked for your kids. The surrogacy isn't a huge deal, but asking for a child you are pregnant with, and your 2 year old is nuts. My bets are on this lady reporting you, in an attempt to get the kids taken away (adding to her delusions that you are an unfit mother) and then hoping that she could get them through foster care because she is a 'wonderful, childless, church going family friend' (and, you know, because she's delusional)

 

I would be afraid that she would simply take off with one of them out of their class, in the name of 'giving them a better life', because I'll bet she is convinced they are being abused despite the evidence. Assuming she reported you, she may not have been consciously lying to CPS, she may have genuinely become convinced she saw two black eyes as she revisited the thoughts over and over (my mother, before she left, was like this. Each time she replayed a memory it changed a little until she completely genuinely believed something that never happened)

 

If you choose to stay at the church, I think you need to bring this to the pastor and ensure he takes it very seriously. If he doesn't, I would leave for the sake of safety. I could not let my children out of my sight with that woman around, and with 8 kids, that's a BIG task! 

 

A previous poster mentioned filing a police report regarding the questions of taking your children and the CPS report. I would second this suggestion. Make sure you talk to someone who takes you seriously. We have all seen news reports of women stealing babies from other women, there was one that comes to mind fairly recently, and having this sort of thing on record may help if the worst ever happened. Think of it as a little safety net if the unthinkable ever did occur. 

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

My little girl never did have 1 black eye much less 2.  Dh wants to go back and not worry about it at all.  I still do not want to go back.  

Thanks for prayers and advice.  

The woman who wanted a baby and is single just had a hysterectomy too.  She has been teaching our littles on Wednesday nights some and they have not had any bumps or bruises at all.  

I have pictures of them Saturday and took more and they all look much better. 

Thankfully the Social worker was not convinced of any abuse after questioning us all.   She still has to report to her supervisor. I am still not at ease and do not want to go back this Sunday until we do talk to the preacher and see what his reaction is.  

 

The women live next door to each other and the one who asked me about giving up my baby or 2 year old was not there Sunday.  

[Catwoman]

My little girl never did have 1 black eye much less 2. Dh wants to go back and not worry about it at all. I still do not want to go back.

Thanks for prayers and advice.

The woman who wanted a baby and is single just had a hysterectomy too. She has been teaching our littles on Wednesday nights some and they have not had any bumps or bruises at all.

I have pictures of them Saturday and took more and they all look much better.

Thankfully the Social worker was not convinced of any abuse after questioning us all. She still has to report to her supervisor. I am still not at ease and do not want to go back this Sunday until we do talk to the preacher and see what his reaction is.

 

The women live next door to each other and the one who asked me about giving up my baby or 2 year old was not there Sunday.

I can't even begin to imagine how your dh is being so casual about this.

 

I wouldn't go back.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

[abba12]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

 

Because leaving his church = letting Satan win?

nope, nope, nope, couldn't go back there, I'm sorry.

 

If you do go back I hope everything is great and I am wrong, of course :) But I'm much more scared of your church than CPS right now, and if the pastor is disinterested in a potentially dangerous situation, and definitely a badly handled situation within his flock... I should stop typing now.

[Harriet Vane]

Your pastor is being unbelievably naive.

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

the pastor is being manipulative.  

 

 Is he saying the other church is the den of Satan?

[brehon]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

I read your initial and follow-up posts when you first posted and was in shock.

 

Having read this post all I can say is to run, do not walk (!), away from this church. And don't look back. And if your dh doesn't agree, well, I think the only nice thing I can say is tough noogies. He can go if he wants; however, he can NOT take *any* of your children.

[FaithManor]

The pastor's comment would be the last straw! It is letting Satan win if you do NOT protect your family. He's being manipulative and to be honest, his flippant attitude does make me wonder if it was his wife. He has a problem on his hands if it is her because she out and out lied about the condition of the toddler.

 

For me, this is a no brainer. I would not take my children back and find somewhere else to worship. The creepy lady who wants your children and apparently has access to them in the children's classes would be more than enough for me to worship somewhere else, but the report which was a blatant lie combined with Mr. Unconcerned pastor who minimizes my feelings and how scary the situation was for my chidren then tries to use an age old spiritual manipulation at my doorstep about it is just simply so far beyond unacceptable that I would not be able to worship there.

[bolt.]

Say it with me: "All done now!"

[Butter]

How is going to another church "letting Satan win?"  I could see maybe him saying that if you were going to quit going to church - any church - all together.  He should have been extremely concerned about this, particularly in combination with the creepiness of that woman asking for your children.  No way would I go to a church where someone seems to actively be trying to get your child.  I would not put it past her to attempt to abduct your kid(s).

[SKL]

I think people are now overreacting to the "let Satan win" comment.  I would interpret that to mean the same thing as "hold your head high, don't let some jerk make you scared to do normal everyday things."

 

I also think some people are ignoring the fact that this family has a long-standing relationship with this church and that is important to them.

 

We still do not know who made the report.

 

Maybe the pastor has seen this kind of thing play out 100 times and that's why he isn't that rattled by it.  It isn't that unusual for people to get falsely accused of abusing or neglecting their kid, unfortunately.  The fact that the pastor is not encouraging the family to panic and flee does not strike me as concerning.

 

There seems to be one person in the church who is a loon.  Yes, I would watch out for her, but I think it's a bit too horror flick to assume she's going to abduct.  I might make a report with the police about her so it's on file that she has shown a weird interest in getting other people's children.  But not everyone who has that kind of thought goes on to kidnap etc.

 

Really, without knowing who filed the report I would not make a significant life change over it.  If it was the one baby-coveting loon, I probably would not leave the church.

 

Of course if you don't feel good about the church in general, then yes, you should find another church regardless of who called CPS.

[Catwoman]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

What a crock. :glare:

 

I would be done with that church. (And I know he's the pastor and all, but if his wife was the one who reported you, he might not exactly be forthcoming about it, so I wouldn't automatically believe everything he said.)

[Liz CA]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

 

If he considers your exercising your choice which church to attend as "satan winning," it is a red flag to me. A more appropriate response IMHO would have been expression of concern for your traumatized children and for your scary experience as well as assurances to train his staff (since he cannot train congregants) to be able to judge more accurately what warrants a call to CPS. There are a few other steps to explore after seeing a bruise on a kid.

But it is difficult to judge since I am obviously not familiar with your church.

[Alicia64]

This kind of calls are rarely done out of anger, unless it is a custody dispute or NPD in-laws. Usually the callers are truly "concerned". <_<

 

OP, :grouphug: . I wouldn't go there again.

 

I agree with 67 when she says "NPD." That was my first thought. I've been in your shoes, but in my case it not a church member -- it was on own mom.

 

I got the call from CPS when my twins were 17 days old. Long story short: my mom had spent my pregnancy worrying about my three "dangerous" dogs. It appears that she whined so much that a friend made the call.

 

Two young police officers came in and saw how normal and calm the situation was -- the dogs were begging to be pet -- and they apologized and left.

 

the long run, you might be better off out of the church though because it IS scary being around anyone who would make such a call. I wouldn't just leave quietly though. I'd send out a note or something to let people know that the church environment doesn't feel like a safe space. Leaving quietly sends the wrong message.

 

But, again, give yourself time to recover. 

 

Alley

[poppy]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with the loss of your church at Easter.
Up until the last update, I was leaning towards suggesting you stay, but your pastor not taking this seriously is so troublesome.

I'm glad the social worker used common sense. That's how the system is supposed to work.

[elfgivas]

bail.  bail now.  

 

is it typical for your pastor to visit you when you aren't expecting him?  

 

does he just randomly visit?

 

i have been a pastor of three large churches, and two smaller ones, and there is almost never time for random visits.  

 

and if someone told me what you have told your pastor, my first concern would be for your kids, and then for you.  

 

many hugs and blessings,

ann

 

ps.  im sure the church down the street will have a service tomorrow.

[Melissa in Australia]

I think people are now overreacting to the "let Satan win" comment.  I would interpret that to mean the same thing as "hold your head high, don't let some jerk make you scared to do normal everyday things."

 

 

 

Hmm. I would agree with you EXCEPT. I came from a church where anything that went wrong was viewed as an attack of Satan.

 

 Saying don't let Satan win is a absolutely definite manipulative tactic used by many churches to intimidate and frighten people into inaction.

 

[maize]

 

Hmm. I would agree with you EXCEPT. I came from a church where anything that went wrong was viewed as an attack of Satan.

 

Saying don't let Satan win is a absolutely definite manipulative tactic used by many churches to intimidate and frighten people into inaction.

[/quot

 

I agree. This isn't about Satan winning but about someone--likely a mentally disturbed someone --acting in a way that traumatized you and your children. It is your responsibility to protect your family from that. I didn't have a strong opinion about whether you should stay in the church before, but the pastor brushing off your legitimate concerns sits wrong with me. I would at least be investigating the other church options in your area. Easter Sunday is a perfect time to go and get a feel for a church community!

[Tiramisu]

I think people are now overreacting to the "let Satan win" comment.  I would interpret that to mean the same thing as "hold your head high, don't let some jerk make you scared to do normal everyday things."

 

I also think some people are ignoring the fact that this family has a long-standing relationship with this church and that is important to them.

 

We still do not know who made the report.

 

Maybe the pastor has seen this kind of thing play out 100 times and that's why he isn't that rattled by it.  It isn't that unusual for people to get falsely accused of abusing or neglecting their kid, unfortunately.  The fact that the pastor is not encouraging the family to panic and flee does not strike me as concerning.

 

There seems to be one person in the church who is a loon.  Yes, I would watch out for her, but I think it's a bit too horror flick to assume she's going to abduct.  I might make a report with the police about her so it's on file that she has shown a weird interest in getting other people's children.  But not everyone who has that kind of thought goes on to kidnap etc.

 

Really, without knowing who filed the report I would not make a significant life change over it.  If it was the one baby-coveting loon, I probably would not leave the church.

 

Of course if you don't feel good about the church in general, then yes, you should find another church regardless of who called CPS.

 

I agree with this. I think the pastor did not mean to be manipulative but supporting and encouraging. Perhaps he could have done it better.

 

In this case, I would interpret "not letting Satan win" as not letting one bad person or experience upset something that has been good, even spiritually fruitful, for you and your family. And, yes, I believe evil works that way.

 

I don't know the OP's church, the leadership and congregation, her feelings about it and the connections her family has there, so I can't really judge. But if the church has been solidly good for her and her family, I don't think she should make a rash decision to leave because are some nutcases there. 

 

At the same time, I really think the pastor needs to take this seriously, investigate, and correct the person who made the nasty report.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Our Preacher came over tonight. He didn't know anything about it at all. He took it too lightly in my opinion, and he wants us to stay and not let Satan win!

 

Reason # 3 to leave!!  No way would I go back to a church where a pastor tried to use the threat of Satan to manipulate me, rather than deal with a serious issue. 

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

Thank you so much ladies! I did go with our family today and just as I thought I was suspicious of everyone until we got to Sunday School.  Still, I did not say one word about it there.  I joyfully helped our children eat breakfast, get cleaned up, get their money and go to their classes.  I was tormented during SS wondering who could have done it though! 

 

Dh loves eating breakfast and he is right that we did already visit a few churches and they were not a good fit.  One has lost their preacher and I would like to visit again.  Our oldest son was miserable in Youth group then and that was the main reason for leaving.  We were also being begged to come back to our current church.  We were the last of several families who left over a Pious preacher and his snarky comments.  Couldn't stand it any longer and I vowed to stay until my dad passed but did not make it that long.  

 

  I do love our preacher and his personality plays into his response.  He is naive and I really could not believe he told us that the person may have just been concerned and said we were overreacting!  

I did ask the lady who wanted me to be the surrogate mother and I believe her.  She did not know anything about it and she told me that she would have come to me first if there was anything wrong.

She also told me that it is just turning Spring here and a lot of children are getting outside and having some accidents!  She hugged me and proceeded to tell me the mess her poor sister went through too with CPS.  Her husband left her with a large family and was harassing her!  

 

Still, I got a migraine after church and could not enjoy my day with our extended family as much at all because of it.  

 

I am still going to ask a few people.

 

There is the one woman that I stated was a visitor and she acted very strange when I said hi to her.. like she was angry and was looking for another woman... very strange I tell you!

 

I went to the nursery during church too because I was so drained.  I took our baby too, and talked to a young mom who was visiting.  I waited until church was almost over too and told her what had happened. 

She could not believe it either and told me that all of our children are well behaved and beautiful! She told me that she sees that we take care of our children ( she has seen me nursing our daughter) and changing her diaper several times in the nursery.  I was not looking for sympathy but am glad she gave me support.  She also said that our children all look very healthy.

  

   I also wanted to warn her that if her boys every have bumps or bruises she may want to pass on our church.  Her grand parents are members so she visits to see them.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

bail.  bail now.  

 

is it typical for your pastor to visit you when you aren't expecting him?  

 

does he just randomly visit?

 

i have been a pastor of three large churches, and two smaller ones, and there is almost never time for random visits.  

 

and if someone told me what you have told your pastor, my first concern would be for your kids, and then for you.  

 

many hugs and blessings,

ann

 

ps.  im sure the church down the street will have a service tomorrow.

He did call dh back to see what he was wanting.  He asked when a good time would be to come out to visit and I told dh to have him come on out if he could.

[kiwik]

I disagree.

 

Erring "on the side of caution" and reporting someone without having any solid information can cause a lot of fear and misery for an innocent family.

 

In this particular case, the information wasn't even remotely accurate.

your system must be a lot more draconian than ours. Here the odds are the report would never make it to the top of anyones list unless it was repeated. But most times when a kid gets killed it is because no-one wanted to interfere.

 

Eta. Having read some of the later posts I think you are dealing with a nutter not a concerned person. I don't know what the pastor means but he should at the very least take your distress seriously and suggest what could be done. Maybe a sermon on the perils of bearing FALSE witness? I would be less than happy about a pastor who put his church before his congregation.

[solascriptura]

Thanks again to everyone for prayers! DH is going to speak with our Pastor as soon as he is back from his business trip. Our preacher is part time and works out of state many weeks. If it was his wife, I really don't want to stay. I already have Easter Dresses for our girls and was planning on shopping for the boys this weekend. I was talking to our oldest children and they don't want to change churches. One is willing to try a new church that is a block away from ours :)

I realized I would take my fear with me and that no matter where we end up going, we will not take any children to church if they have bumps on their heads or faces at all. I think God was warning me Sunday morning and I blew it off. I really thought that they did not look that bad, especially our 1 year old. She was hurt on Thursday night, so even by Saturday she just had a little scab by her eye. No bruising at all. There were some visitors there so I am really clueless.

 

You never know who is jealous.... I have been asked 2 times to be a surrogate mother for a childless single woman in our church and said no. I hate being pregnant and just can't fathom having you know what from another man..... then I was asked to give up my baby I was pregnant with ( my 1 year old) by the woman who had come to take me to the hospital for my husband's heart surgery... he went for a test and had to be admitted. Not good timing for her to even ask... when I told her no, she said her daughter would even take our 2 year old son! Her daughter was having trouble conceiving. I told her I could not do that...... Really?!

Thankfully her daughter did have a baby boy about 7 months ago!

That is nutty and horrific! I can't even imagine any scenario where this would be and acceptable question. Seriously. I honestly don't believe that she was in her right mind.

[Garga]

Are these the facts?

 

1. A woman asked you to be a surrogate for herself.

2. A second woman asked you to be a surrogate for the first woman AND asked you for your unborn child for her daughter AND asked you for your 2 year old for her daughter.

3. Your husband wants to stay at the church because he likes the breakfast.

4. Your husband wants to stay at the church because you've looked for others in the past that weren't a good fit.

5. Your pastor thought that it was just a concerned person.

6. Your pastor did not show alarm or disturbed concern.

7. Your pastor indicated that leaving would be letting Satan win.

 

My take:

 

1. It was a "concerned" person who was overreacting.

2. Or it was the woman who asked for your children. She may very well be building a case against you so she can take your children as a foster parent. Did you talk about this to your pastor? Was this the part he meant about letting Satan win? Does he want you to pray for God's protection against this diabolical plot to take your children?

 

At least one thing would I do:

 

If she is building a case, then I would contact a lawyer and find out how to break down her case. Is there a way to keep an official record of her unsubstantiated calls to CPS?

 

Whether or not I *should* be able to get over something like this, I don't think I would be *able* to. I would be really scared that someone was out to take my children from me. Maybe that's how Satan is winning: I would be living in fear if this had happened to me. And I'm not sure I could overcome it.

 

I would start searching for somewhere new to go to church and I wouldn't want to let the kids out of sight for a long time. But with 8! Ugh! That's tough.

[bettyandbob]

You sound too trusting. It sounds like you talk to a lot of people at church about a serious issue (CPS). I don't go to your church and don't know the people, but I have learned to be very wary of fellow parishioners. I don't share details with anyone except very close friends. Coffee hour is for superficial discussion. A few years back a neighbor was sharing too much about her dd's mental health. That led to some not nice gossip. I think some people think they can talk freely at church because it's church and people at church will do the right thing. This is not so.

 

If I were to stay, I would not share with anyone at church. I would keep dc with me all the times.

[kathkath]

What denomination is your church?

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

You sound too trusting. It sounds like you talk to a lot of people at church about a serious issue (CPS). I don't go to your church and don't know the people, but I have learned to be very wary of fellow parishioners. I don't share details with anyone except very close friends. Coffee hour is for superficial discussion. A few years back a neighbor was sharing too much about her dd's mental health. That led to some not nice gossip. I think some people think they can talk freely at church because it's church and people at church will do the right thing. This is not so.

 

If I were to stay, I would not share with anyone at church. I would keep dc with me all the times.

One is a good friend, both have had issues with CPS before and I felt they should be warned.  We just started letting our almost 2 year old go to SS with my mom and another woman I trust.  In church all 3 youngest sit with us and older ones are in choir, then sit with friends.  I did not tell my SS class due to possible gossip.  Of course gossip is possible but not likely with the 2 ladies I told in private.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

What denomination is your church?

United Methodist

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

Just thinking outside the box - are you sure it wasn't a neighbor who saw your little one while he was outdoors / on the porch?  Are you sure one of your other children didn't say something that was misinterpreted and reported by a 3rd party?

 

I'd hate to see you leave a church without really being sure the church people were the source of this.

Positive.  We live too far from neighbors and no black eyes at all so nothing to say to anyone. Church and Dinner at Church.