SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My parents live in So. Cal, and we live in Iowa. We plan on visiting my parents this summer. My mom keeps telling my son that she is going to take him to LegoLand. I have said no to her once before, but she is doing it again. I'm upset for the fact that she tells him this before asking me, and again after I've said no. Since my first reason didn't keep her from doing it again I said more this time, and I think I hurt her feelings. Here were my reasons: 1. We'll be out of state and I'm not comfortable with her taking him 2 hours away to an amusement park. She is 70, walks with a limp from a back injury and isn't is great health. 2. My girls would also like to go, and I thought it would be hard for them. She said she'd take the girls somewhere else but that is 2 days of our 7 day trip gone. We have plans to go to National/State Parks, the ocean, etc...; not Lego Land or Disney.3. She doesn't have a good sense of direction and I'm afraid she's going to get lost. I know she could use a GPS, but I still wouldn't trust her. 3. She wants him to enjoy the water park but she can't swim. I don't send my kids to pools and water parks with people who can't swim. It doesn't help that I have siblings who had/have no problems with any of these things. My dh is even stronger in his opposition. Ugh, I feel like I can't win. She did offer to take me with them, but then my dh and girls are left alone. We are going on this vacation to do things together. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Can you all go to Legoland? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Can you all go to Legoland? The price is way too steep. It would be $400 for our family which is why she was only taking ds. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The older I get and the older my kids get, the more I imagine myself as a grandma and a MIL. I think I'll be a clueless, irresponsible grandma who would want to take the grand kids to legoland. I already walk with a limp. I'm certain I'll get lost, even with a GPS. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. If you have a good relationship with your mom, let them go and make memories of a life-time. If not, then what's the point of visiting anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Can you take control of the vacation from her, and make plans for all the days you are there, including some things she can do with all of you? Not that it matters, but all your reasons seem legitimate to me. I don't really love it when one grandparent (or aunt, whatever) wants to take one kid somewhere, leaving the other kids with nothing, particularly if the place the one is going is desirable and appropriate for all. (I can see if it there are different things for each to do that the other one doesn't want to do; for ex when my MIL took my daughter to Cabbage Patch land and my FIL took my son fishing.) I'm sorry. I hope you are successful taking control back from her without hard feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The older I get and the older my kids get, the more I imagine myself as a grandma and a MIL. I think I'll be a clueless, irresponsible grandma who would want to take the grand kids to legoland. I already walk with a limp. I'm certain I'll get lost, even with a GPS. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. If you have a good relationship with your mom, let them go and make memories of a life-time. If not, then what's the point of visiting anyway? But would you take one grandkid and leave the others, who would like to go too, behind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If she clearly favors one child in the family with an offer and doesn't respond to your explanation the first time I doubt there is anything you can do or say to correct this situation. The only thing you can do is be very firm about your family itinerary. If ds asks why, at 10 he's old enough to understand you won't allow grandma to favor him over his sisters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 The older I get and the older my kids get, the more I imagine myself as a grandma and a MIL. I think I'll be a clueless, irresponsible grandma who would want to take the grand kids to legoland. I already walk with a limp. I'm certain I'll get lost, even with a GPS. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. If you have a good relationship with your mom, let them go and make memories of a life-time. If not, then what's the point of visiting anyway? I also try to imagine myself as a grandmother some day. I take her example and remember that I will never tell the grandkids what I'm going to do without asking my kids first. I put the part about the limp in there because I know it hinders her walking. She cannot walk all day long. I know, we've gone to the zoo with her. Not possible. I don't think she understand what a bad idea this is. My mom and I have an ok relationship. Not the best but not so bad we won't visit. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 But would you take one grandkid and leave the others, who would like to go too, behind? :iagree: That's the part that stands out in my mind, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 If she clearly favors one child in the family with an offer and doesn't respond to your explanation the first time I doubt there is anything you can do or say to correct this situation. The only thing you can do is be very firm about your family itinerary. If ds asks why, at 10 he's old enough to understand you won't allow grandma to favor him over his sisters. My dh and I are making plans, but she doesn't think about that. I am trying to include her, unfortunately what we find fun is not her idea of a good time. We had a good time two years ago when we visited, but she didn't come with us on our excursions. We went to Joshua Tree, museums, the ocean, etc... She would prefer to take us shopping. I hate shopping :( I'm happy to let her take the kids on a half day shopping trip in a nearby town. Maybe I'll suggest that. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would let your son know that it is a family vacation and unless you can all go, then it isn't happening. Share with him that grandma is well-intended but really can't handle the rigor of the trip and that you aren't going to allow it for both of those reasons. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 But would you take one grandkid and leave the others, who would like to go too, behind? It wasn't clear that the other two wanted to go to the Legoland, and the OP said that the grandma offered to take the girls somewhere else. I can imagine taking one child to his or her most desired destination, and then taking the others to their desired destination. I don't always take all 3 of my kids to the same attractions. I enjoy the 1:1, and doing the most suitable activity with each child. They love it. They don't always want to go all together. ETA: as long as there's no favoritism, but just a desire to spend 1:1 with each grandchild, I don't see anything wrong with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 My dh and I are making plans, but she doesn't think about that. I am trying to include her, unfortunately what we find fun is not her idea of a good time. We had a good time two years ago when we visited, but she didn't come with us on our excursions. We went to Joshua Tree, museums, the ocean, etc... She would prefer to take us shopping. I hate shopping :( I'm happy to let her take the kids on a half day shopping trip in a nearby town. Maybe I'll suggest that. Kelly Well... If you're visiting your parents, it's not really all about you and what you want. Your parents should have some input into the vacation activities, as well. It's not always about doing the stuff you want to do, but about spending time with family members that you don't get to see very often. Frankly, I can understand why your mom's feelings are hurt. It sounds like she just wants to spend time with you guys. (I absolutely understand your concerns about her physical limitations, though.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 hugs, no advice. my dmil is still ticked that i won't let kids ride in car with her driving.... even after she nearly had a head on with us all in the car. sometimes you just do what you need to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Well... If you're visiting your parents, it's not really all about you and what you want. Your parents should have some input into the vacation activities, as well. It's not always about doing the stuff you want to do, but about spending time with family members that you don't get to see very often. Frankly, I can understand why your mom's feelings are hurt. It sounds like she just wants to spend time with you guys. And I want to spend time with her. My parents sit at home, shop and go out to eat. That is pretty much it. I'm happy to go places with them, but I don't want to spend a week in California shopping, sitting at their house and going out to eat. I'm not spending $4000 to do that. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Legoland has some nice coupons out now. And they have homeschool days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 seems like there is more to the story here. Ok, she can only afford to take one kid to the park(legoland). Explain the others would be hurt and can she come up with an alternative event involving all the grandkids? Not separate events? Let her pick something, not you telling her what to do with the grandkids. The water park thing....there are lifeguards correct? She could stand on the side of everything....the lifeguards are there and if grandma is shrieking about her grandkids in the water they would be on it, if not already. Again, seems like all kids need to go and not one. I know it's hard to let go and let grandma do things you have reasons/explanations for why she shouldn't. However, a few years ago I was in a situation I had to leave my kids with my mom for several days. This was unplanned and I had to let go of all my reasons for NO and just go. The kids survived, had fun, and I had no input whatsoever in any of their plans. And I learned that it is ok to just smile and let them go do their thing. My ideas don't matter. Let grandma make memories with the kids. Now, I just told my dad he couldn't take my son for a week. Like you, why would he take one kid and not the other? It's not the first time he's shown favoritism toward my son. He wants to 'man up' my son. Fishing and such. But he also believes the food allergies are bogus and ds wouldn't die if he ate foods he's 'allergic' too. So there is that reason. But knowing my dad's computer search history I wouldn't let my daughter be alone with my dad anyway. So no need to offer up separate trips. I would still say no. And then there is the 4 nights a week at the bar with friends. Where do my kids go while grandpa is out getting drunk? To me, these are real reasons to say no. Grandpa wants to go to something I don't agree with? I say sure, and let us go....and then when grandpa realizes his epic failure he doesn't suggest things anymore, but starts asking my opinion. I think in the OP case she can turn the tables in her favor in how she says things. And in some cases, it's best to let grandma try it her way and see what happens. But if you are traveling that far to see her, don't treat her like an old person on her death bed. At least she wants to get out and do something with the kids! That alone is worth something and you shouldn't shut her down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The price is way too steep. It would be $400 for our family which is why she was only taking ds. Kelly If it's something all of you would enjoy, there are deals here including one way to get 40% off ticket prices: http://www.mousesavers.com/discounts-and-deals-at-other-theme-parks-and-attractions/legoland-california-sea-life-aquarium-legoland-water-park-discounts-and-deals/ If your mother is chipping in the equivalent of her and DS's tickets, that may make it affordable. I don't know what else you were planning on doing, but Legoland was on CityPass when we were thinking about a San Diego vacation a few years ago. The CityPass was a great deal for a bunch of fun activities. It is crappy she would only take DS if the other kids would enjoy it too! I can't imagine that scenario flying at my house, even without the valid health and supervisory concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 The water park thing....there are lifeguards correct? She could stand on the side of everything....the lifeguards are there and if grandma is shrieking about her grandkids in the water they would be on it, if not already. Again, seems like all kids need to go and not one. I think in the OP case she can turn the tables in her favor in how she says things. And in some cases, it's best to let grandma try it her way and see what happens. But if you are traveling that far to see her, don't treat her like an old person on her death bed. At least she wants to get out and do something with the kids! That alone is worth something and you shouldn't shut her down. Here is my reason for not letting her take kids to a pool or water park. When I was a kid she was at the pool with me and I almost drowned and she didn't notice. I've been at pools where I was faster than a life guard to get to a child because the life guard didn't notice. Sorry, but I'm not budging on that one. I also don't think I'm completely shutting her down. It is a no to Lego Land. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The older I get and the older my kids get, the more I imagine myself as a grandma and a MIL. I think I'll be a clueless, irresponsible grandma who would want to take the grand kids to legoland. I already walk with a limp. I'm certain I'll get lost, even with a GPS. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. If you have a good relationship with your mom, let them go and make memories of a life-time. If not, then what's the point of visiting anyway? I would agree with you if it weren't for that she is taking only one child of the lot, and wants the young boy to go swimming - when she can't swim. That isn't safe on any level. I wouldn't let it happen with my children, under those circumstances, and I'm pretty chill with regards to grandparents and their outings with my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 It's a hard situation and I am sorry she placed you in it. We have a similar issue with extended family who live at a distance and poor judgment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You should be able to find ticket deals. There are free kid tickets with adult admission and 2 for 1 coupons out a lot. I would try to have all of you go if at all possible or perhaps just the kids with grandma and grandpa. Your kids are older, I wouldn't worry the same way about an 8, 10 and 12 year old with an aging grandparent as I would about a 2, 4 and 6 year old. Why not pay for your daughters and let them have an adventure with the grandparents while you and your husband get a little kid free time? Your son is 10. He's unlikely to drown in a waterpark because the adult with him can't swim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 And I want to spend time with her. My parents sit at home, shop and go out to eat. That is pretty much it. I'm happy to go places with them, but I don't want to spend a week in California shopping, sitting at their house and going out to eat. I'm not spending $4000 to do that. Kelly But are you going to California to see California as tourists or to see your parents? Sitting at home and going out to eat with Grandma is different than doing it alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You didn't hurt your mom's feelings. She was not thinking this out well, and she made a mistake in planning such a trip that would exclude the rest of your family. She's upset because she's realizing this. I am always amazed when people do something they shouldn't, and when you don't get mad at them, they end up getting mad at YOU. I'm sorry your mom is upset. It sounds like she has very different ideas of what your "family" vacation should be, along with unrealistic expectations about her physical capabilities in taking care of a young boy in a giant amusement park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would agree with you if it weren't for that she is taking only one child of the lot, and wants the young boy to go swimming - when she can't swim. That isn't safe on any level. I wouldn't let it happen with my children, under those circumstances, and I'm pretty chill with regards to grandparents and their outings with my children. The boy is 10. If he's a good swimmer, he should be safe in a pool with life guards and grandma watching him on the side. If he is not a good swimmer, he should be old enough to not go in into the deep areas without a safety vest. It is not like he's 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Why are some of you arguing with the OP about the water park when she is clear that is nonnegotiable for her? It's her own kid she's talking about, not some hypothetical average 10-year-old who should be able to do this or that; I guess she knows why the water park is a non-starter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Why are some of you arguing with the OP about the water park when she is clear that is nonnegotiable for her? It's her own kid she's talking about, not some hypothetical average 10-year-old who should be able to do this or that; I guess she knows why the water park is a non-starter. No kidding. It actually doesn't matter if the OP has what other people would consider "good reasons" to say no. It is her kid and her choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 So sorry your mom's feelings are hurt. That's such a bad feeling, and I can understand your reasons and your frustrations. I haven't read every reply, but I did see that you responded that taking the entire family would be too costly. If you're up for it, and the cost is really the issue: if you get the Lego Club magazine (available free - join/order online or pick them up at any Lego store and maybe other locations - you can pick up multiple copies, they are beside the registers)... There is a coupon for a free child ticket with every adult ticket. So if you all went, you'd pay for 3 adult tickets and 0 kids' tickets (if I counted right - you, DH, your mom and 3 kids, is that right?). Also, we were just at Legoland, and found out that it's also cheaper to buy tickets 7 days in advance than at the gate, so you could compare those savings (maybe combine them, IDK), too. Legoland lets you bring food in, in a cooler (we do this, due to food allergies), and there are some great things to do for any lego lovers. The homeschool days look amazing - and some of the science/engineering stuff is very cool. So it could be worthwhile, aside from rollercoasters and the water park. Just a few thoughts, since you mentioned cost being the reason that you can't all go. If there are other reasons, then just ignore me. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 We get that magazine. I will look into it. Thanks, that might be an idea. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I would never allow my kid to go to a water venue with someone who cannot swim. I don't know why that is even a debate. I would never trust a life guard, those pools are teeming with kids. There is no way they should be held responsible for children who are not attended. Drowning can happen very quickly. I was a life guard and I am still red cross certified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 The boy is 10. If he's a good swimmer, he should be safe in a pool with life guards and grandma watching him on the side. If he is not a good swimmer, he should be old enough to not go in into the deep areas without a safety vest. It is not like he's 5. Sorry. I disagree. I don't play with water and I don't take chances with water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If you aren't comfortable with it, end of story. (And for what it's worth, I agree with your reasons.) And the fact that she's telling your son that without your authorization and after you've nixed the plan is seriously disrespectful. Yeah, you may have hurt her feelings but she has a complete disregard for yours so frankly, I wouldn't worry about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You're the Mom. You get final say, period. But, I agree with the others that Legoland can be done for a lot cheaper than "gate price", and also it's not huge, so if you could swing it that all of you can go, it might be worth a day of your vacation to make your mom feel like she has some input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If you could make it so you could all go, I'd do it. But I'd say no if only because your other 2 children are left out and they are at an age where they'd enjoy it! If they were approaching adulthood or toddlers, I might feel differently. I do try to have quite a bit of grace for aging parents. My in-laws took my kids to Culver's last weekend! EWWW! ;) But this just seems grossly unfair to your other 2 kids. ETA - I agree on the swimming thing too. My kid just started going to pools with friends without me last year at age 12. I know of several horrible water accidents personally. I'm a huge stickler on water safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2OandE Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Homeschool Days are Mondays $25 for adults, $6 for kids through May. Not sure if that helps make it work for your whole family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Taking one kid on an expensive trip overnight away from the left behind unfavored grandkids during a family visit - no. Sending a 10 year old to an amusement park with a disabled person who can't keep up with him - no. Taking a 10 year old to a water park with a non-swimmer - 1000 times no. Not even a debate. It's unfortunate if your Mother chooses to be upset over this but it is certainly not unreasonable of you to nip this thoughtless plan in the bud! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Are you actually staying with your parents or are you staying somewhere else on your own? I don't know that I would let my dds do those things with my mom if she was truly incapable of caring for them, but I also don't go visit my parents or in-laws and then make a bunch of travel plans that they will not enjoy or want to do. My in-laws live in a big tourist travel destination but we don't stay with them and then go do our own thing. If we truly just wanted a family vacation with ourselves, we wouldn't stay with family. I live in a beach town that gets a lot of tourists and I've have not ever had family come visit and then go do their own thing. They may do something on their own for one day, but they've never planned a bunch of side/day trips and activities. I would be upset with that and it would probably eventually cause some tension. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skeeterbug Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 For us it would just be all or none. We do things as a family and that's that. If it were me I'd try my hardest to find discount tickets and all go together, because it sounds like all your kids will enjoy it (and honestly will age out of it before too much longer!). Maybe your kids can brainstorm some ways to make some money before then? Tell them if they can raise half the money you'll match it? Mow lawns, make necklaces to sell, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 But are you going to California to see California as tourists or to see your parents? Sitting at home and going out to eat with Grandma is different than doing it alone.Those are my thoughts as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If you could make it so you could all go, I'd do it. But I'd say no if only because your other 2 children are left out and they are at an age where they'd enjoy it! If they were approaching adulthood or toddlers, I might feel differently. I do try to have quite a bit of grace for aging parents. My in-laws took my kids to Culver's last weekend! EWWW! ;) But this just seems grossly unfair to your other 2 kids. ETA - I agree on the swimming thing too. My kid just started going to pools with friends without me last year at age 12. I know of several horrible water accidents personally. I'm a huge stickler on water safety. Totally off topic but I couldn't let it slide... :D. We LOVED Culver's when we lived in "the middle". I can't believe anyway would call it EWWW! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 :grouphug: OP, if you have safety concerns about the water park, that is your call. You are the parent. We have known families with kids who drowned that were perfectly capable of swimming and there were adults/life guards present in two instances. I have nearly drowned twice, myself. Once, I was lucky and the tide dumped me back on shore just as I completely ran out of air (ocean). The second time the only reason I made it (public swimming pool) was because Dad was nearby and realized I was in trouble. Another child, who could not swim, grabbed me to try and stay up. I was not strong enough to keep us both above water, so my head went under and stayed there. I panicked and sucked in a lot of water. Everyone else thought we were playing. Dad realized we weren't, thankfully. Accidents CAN happen. Does that mean that older children should never be allowed to go swimming without a parent? Lots of kids go swimming without a parent and do just fine. And the odds are that your child will have a great time and be perfectly fine. But you would be worried the whole time and your vacation would not be much of a vacation...plus if something were to go wrong, well, that scenario just doesn't even bear thinking about. With regards to Legoland specifically, though, I am sorry she either intentionally or unintentionally circumvented you by mentioning Legoland again to your son after you had already said no. And I am sorry she was only inviting one child and not able to invite the others. But if you COULD get discount tickets and take the whole family and help her feel like a part of things, I would do it. The family gets to do something fun, the kids get to build some memories with your mom, if your mom runs into health problems/lack of mobility issues, there are two other adults to help out and give the kids a chance to still enjoy themselves and you and your family are not just shopping to build memories for the kids with grandma. And your mom can feel like she still has something to share with her grandkids. (and since you and DH would actually be there, you could see how she does walking everywhere and if she struggles you will know for certain that this is NOT an option for her to do on her own and perhaps she will, too). I lost my dad several years ago. We had a good relationship and I loved him very much but we butted heads a lot. Because of that there were times that I shut down his suggestions without really trying to respectfully find an alternative way of doing things that was acceptable to me but also supportive of him. And because of that the kids don't have as many memories of him as they should have. :( Hugs and best wishes, whatever you decide. I know trying to work things out between grandparents/parents/grandchildren can be challenging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 There are lots of free child ticket with adult purchase to Legoland. You can even purchase them on ebay: http://www.ebay.com/itm/1-day-LEGOLAND-Park-California-or-Florida-Kid-Go-Free-coupon-2-/281291423747?pt=US_Tickets_all_in_one&hash=item417e468003 Typically you can find them on lego sets, even small ones. If you could go off-season, Legoland CA has homeschool days. I have posted a thread about it on this forum recently. Some ideas to help you all get there. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I don't know how your trip is structured. However, if you are using your parent's home as a free place to stay while you visit sights in the area, you probably need to find a way to include them in your vacation. 1. you can make a plan to just hang with them around their house a couple days 2. you can do dinners with them 3. you can do half day activities out and half days with them 4. other It would be nice to find something grandma could do with the kids. It sounds like she wants to do something special, but is limited by budget and physical ability. Is there a smaller amusement park she can take all three kids to. Could she take the three kids to a movie and ice cream while you and dh have an evening off. What kid friendly things are near her home that she can handle--can you research this and make a suggestion. You do not have to let you parents do things with the kids that you do not approve of. It is rude to treat their house as a free motel. If you are just passing through the area and not staying with them, feel free to schedule as long a visit as you can handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Well, I know you feel bad about hurting your mom's feelings, but it seems as if your concerns are very valid. Sure, the trips sound like a lot of fun, but if there is reasonable possibility for harm to herself, your children, or others to occur, then they should not go. My fondest memories with my grandparents were not what we actually did, but instead the time spent together, playing cards, board games, chinese checkers, or going out for a burger. So, there's plenty of other things to do together that don't require swimming or overnight trips. I know you hate shopping, so do I, but perhaps you could consider throwing your mom a bone and going with her at least once. It would be a special day for her, and sometimes it's nice to allow our loved ones those moments even if it's not our favourite activity. If she keeps insisting, just tell her that you are going to CA to see her, not legoland or the water park, and that you want to spend time doing things together rather than splitting up, etc... If she is realy obstinate, then you might just have to tell her exactly what your reservations are. She won't like it, but she is overstepping her boundaries by arguing with you about this in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I am always amazed when people do something they shouldn't, and when you don't get mad at them, they end up getting mad at YOU. t/j, this is SUCH a weird dynamic, isn't it?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 And I want to spend time with her. My parents sit at home, shop and go out to eat. That is pretty much it. I'm happy to go places with them, but I don't want to spend a week in California shopping, sitting at their house and going out to eat. I'm not spending $4000 to do that. Kelly I think I get you. My inlaws are the same way, minus the going out to eat. They eat most meals at home when we are there. So, it's good to get together with family but honestly it can be very dull, especially for kids. My inlaws don't get that - they don't get why the kids don't want to sit around and chat, which means gossiping about people we don't even know. Watching the weather channel or maybe some college football (in which we have zero interest, much to their dismay). I spend my days helping clean the kitchen after each elaborate meal... and then it's time to start working on the next one. I hope I'm the kind of grandma who will say to my adult kids: "What do you want to do while you're here?" And go from there, taking my kids' lead, letting them go on their own if there's someplace I can't go, etc. Enjoying my grandchildren while understanding they might not want to sit around all day like I do (assuming that's what I like to do!). If I had non-family houseguests, I wouldn't expect them to sit around with me all day. I wouldn't expect them to want to go shopping all the time. I'd find out what they want to do and help them do it. I hope I'd want to treat my own family as well as I treat guests! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 To answer some questions. Yes, we stay with my parents. Our trips they don't want to do with us have always been done while they are working. We leave before dawn and get back early afternoon. We've then spent the remaining hours with them. On weekends we try to find something that everyone wants to do. I don't think I'm being rude to my parents. When they have visited us they also do things without us. I don't mind. I'll admit that I'm not driving out to CA and not go to the ocean because my parents don't want to go. I'm not going to miss the desert or mountains because my parents don't enjoy nature. My parents and I don't have a close enough relationship to be confined in a house together for a week. There is a reason I left home to go to college and never came back. Is some of that my fault? Yes. Is some of that their fault? Yes. Will it ever be resolved? No. I learned my communication skills from them :) I'll check into coupons. I'm not completely opposed to going if we can all go. It just isn't my first choice when going to CA. There is so much natural beauty there that I want to see. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 I also want to add that when I'm there I try to buy some of the groceries and I clean her house. If she didn't have my dad she'd be a hoarder so cleaning her house isn't the easiest job. I'm truly not the worst daughter and house guest in the world :) Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 From years of family experience with a SIL who would never let the children do anything with reasonably competent adults (I'm not saying you are "just like her", rather that I see some of the consequences of these choices), I would encourage you not to think of this as a zero sum game, i.e. her way or my way. Please think outside the box and see if you can present your mom with ideas and options, so that she can understand what your boundaries are (he has to have a capable family member swimming with him, etc.) and what your idea of fun is. It is incredibly hard for anyone not in your situation and not around the children all day long to understand their world, their capacities and limitations, and your values (shopping isn't fun, etc.) You've gotten a lot of great suggestions upthread, but my thought is that if you think of yourself as an enabler of their relationship, guiding and planning so that they can have a wonderful time and make lovely memories together, all the family will be richer for it. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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