s/o when did you know *you* were gifted / different?

[SKL]

I know a number of folks here are intellectually gifted adults with gifted kids.  Thought it would be interesting to discuss how we came to know it about ourselves.

 

When I was a kid, I really didn't have a clue until at least 7th grade.  That's when I realized I was the youngest in my class, which was because I'd been accelerated.  But I was only 4 days past the cutoff.  In 8th grade I was identified via standardized IQ test at school, and evaluated and accepted into the gifted program.  So that's when I really knew.  Though I have questioned the result many times ... :P

[73349]

I guess it was in second grade: I was moved to a third-grade room for reading. They put me in the highest third-grade reading group. (I was the youngest kid in second grade, AFAIK, with a birthday just before the cut-off.)

My mom said she knew when I was much younger. I would make patterns of sounds with my toys as an infant, and took things apart and put them back together correctly (like a music box) as a toddler. She had baby-sat enough little ones to know that was unusual.

 

I'm my dad's only, and he has no other experience with kids at all, so he tends to compare DS to me, and was getting Very Concerned that DS was not speaking fluently at 1 or even when turning 2. Um, they're not actually supposed to, Dad... DS is a more typical, well-exposed middle-class kid, probably rather bright and a bit asynchronous but not necessarily gifted.

[Indian summer]

This is funny. My ps didn't have a gifted program, so I never knew until I was an adult and a recruiter asked me how I scored in the top 2% on an IQ test when I hadn't been to college yet? I was hired by a company that only hired people with degrees and I didn't have one. There were hints along the way, but I didn't recognize them until after this happened. So many things made sense.

The other thing that was a huge factor in my not knowing is that my classmates and I were basically the same. We were part of an experimental program that, apparently, worked. Ha!

[JenneinCA]

When we were getting the results of having done testing on my daughter, then age 6, and the person who did the testing told me. It was kind of earth shattering. All those years of being told I was too something and I just needed to sit down, shut up, and be normal had a profound effect on everything.

I was at a very small private school in Los Angeles when I was little. There was no acceleration, no special reading groups, no differentiated material. If I finished early I got to sit there and do nothing, not even read a book from home. I spent a whole lot of time very bored and feeling very alone. I didn't understand why I was different or even that I was. I just knew that the teachers didn't like me, my classmates didn't like me, and that I was stuck.

It was only when my daughter was getting the same sort of treatment from her three and four year old Sunday school teachers that we figured out something wasn't normal. Up until the final session with the tester, when we got all the results from the testing, I truly believed that it had all been a mistake and my daughter was broken and somehow I needed to make her more like her classmates. Like I was told to be. I cried through most of the session and it turned into a comfort me thing as much as a give information about her one. Thankfully they sent us away with a printed copy of the results because I didn't get much of it at the time.

[TracyP]

I always knew I was ahead of others, but I guess I never thought much of it. I knew I was different, but I thought it was because I was a farm kid or because I liked to read... I was in the gifted program in ps 4th-5th grade. It was a joke and my parents disliked having to pick me up after school so I dropped out. Plus, my interests were so different that I didn't fit in with the gifted kids, either. And I now realize that the majority of my family is gifted which really skewed my perspective of normal as a kid. I guess I thought that everybody else was "abnormal."

 

I was in college when I started to understand. I recall a conversation with a co-worker. He said that working 40+ hours per week while going to school full time and making 4.0 grades is something to be proud of. I didn't get it. I wasn't even trying at school. (this was a cc) That is when it first dawned on me that maybe *I* was the one who was different. Since then I have learned a lot about gifted-ness that has helped me better understand my childhood and my own children.

[forty-two]

I always knew I was at the top of the school, intelligence-wise, and I was in the gifted program (such as it was), but I didn't really get the magnitude of the difference until everyone took the SAT junior year and I apparently had the highest score by far (in a large suburban high school). My friends (all smart) reacted weirdly (and the fact my score was over 100 points higher than the next highest score in our group really surprised me) and my score caused one of my teachers to see me differently - because of it, he tried to dissuade me from going to one of the state flagship universities. Idk, my score didn't surprise *me*, because I knew I was capable of it, and it really surprised me that it surprised everyone else, and that people "in the know" looked at me a bit differently.

[Dmmetler]

I'm 2e. I spent most of K-3rd grade in special Ed classes focusing on things like teaching me to type, and most of 4th-6th grade in my GT teacher's car (no joke-the elementary GT teacher did enrichment one day a week at each of three elementary schools. I went with her to all three schools and did 3 days a week of enrichment, math in the morning, reading in the afternoon. The other two days, I had all my special Ed pullouts. I might have been in my official classroom an hour a week, tops). Somewhere along the way, I kind of picked up that this was a little odd. If anything, though, I felt inferior because, after all, I was in special Ed.


In Jr. High, I got tracked with the smart kids who I'd been in GT classes with at all three schools, and had a hard time keeping up because I'd never done a regular course load. Add motor skills delays, and I simply had no stamina for that many classes all of which had serious writing loads. The whole format of school outside fairly small, specialized pull-outs was just plain strange to me. The content wasn't an issue, but it was definite culture shock. I really didn't feel comfortable in school until I went to college. I found out later that my parents had been strongly encouraged to send me to Mary Baldwin for the PEG program and my school district even was willing to partially fund it under my IEP, but my parents didn't want me going away to school. I kind of wish I'd been given the choice.

[sunnyday]

I was in a dedicated gifted classroom for first through fourth grade. I knew the label "gifted and talented" but it didn't mean much to me because I mostly just saw my classroom of kids who all were on about the same level. In fact looking back, even in mainstream classrooms and in junior high, I always had at least a few peers so I didn't have a "whoa I'm weird" epiphany. I identified as smart, friendly, hard-working at softball...none of it really dominating anything else, you know? I do remember getting insanely bored in 7th grade social studies, which did not have an honors section available. Same with 9th grade biology.

 

Edit: I just remembered something. After I entered the mainstream classroom in fifth grade, and from then onward, I had a pat response for people who commented on my smartness. I don't even remember how I played it, or even how it would come up, but I would tell the story of how I had been deprived of oxygen at birth and the doctors had warned my parents I was likely to develop into a "vegetable" or at the least, severely learning disabled. And then I'd crack some self-deprecating joke about how maybe it's just a fluke that I was reading before age three and the other shoe is about to drop? I dunno. It doesn't sound like a very funny or reassuring thing in hindsight but it always seemed to crack the ice back in the day!

[SKL]

Interesting.  There was no gifted program in my elementary school, and when we moved as I entered 8th grade, the new school was just starting its brand-new program (summers only).  Sounds like a lot of you had some access to "gifted" or accelerated classes at school.

 

I attended a Lutheran school which definitely had high standards.  I know this because when I switched to public in 8th (supposedly one of the best public secondary schools), I found myself years ahead of my class.  Anyhoo, so in elementary school, although I had plenty of times when I was bored, I did not think I was in the wrong place.  I was generally the top student, but I kind of assumed the kids who were much slower were ... slow or something.  I was very introverted, so I figured that was why I didn't fit in socially.  Also, I come from a large-ish family where everyone is "smart."  So that was my normal.

[Mnemosyne]

I never really considered myself gifted, but I was in the highest level reading group (college level material) in 5th grade... a year after I learned English. I was also always in the accelerated honors classes through school. I never put much effort in, though, I didn't like school much.

 

I think it would have been interesting to get a test done, or something, but I was surrounded by some pretty bright kids so it seemed normal to me.

[jar7709]

Also second grade.  I got lucky and that was the first year our district offered a stand-alone, dedicated gifted class.  I was in that class with the same kids through the rest of elementary school, so even though I knew we were a "special" class, it kind of felt more like just a cool club, I guess.  This feeling was probably enhanced because we were not encouraged to use the word "gifted" (the program was called "challenge" instead) because of all the baggage that word can carry and the program was always hanging by a thread anyway...it ended not long after I matriculated through.  After elementary, I was mixed into the middle and high schools, which didn't have specific gifted programs but did have a lot of accelerated options.  Because of this progression, I was around a lot of the same kids throughout my K-12 years.  And then I went on to a selective college, where I was still surrounded by "different" people.  ;)  So I guess I was somewhat sheltered--it has been more as an adult that I've felt the difference more intensely, actually.

 

[ebunny]

I have always felt different but as I'm getting older, I'm becoming more aware of the differences between me and others around me. I'm quirky, nerdy and not really interested in small talk or melodramatic conversations.

 

 

The caveat is that I've not come across the textbook 'average' adult or child yet. 

 

 

ETA:Substituted a word

[FairProspects]

4th grade when I transferred to public school and was officially tested and placed into a specialty class for the top 2% of scorers. I was surprised, but apparently my mother was not because high scores have been a family thing for at least 5 generations. Now we have sort of a running family joke about who has scored highest and it definitely wasn't me.

[Paige]

I was told I was gifted in 3rd grade when I was put in the gifted class. I knew I was smart, but I never really believed I was gifted. My parents never commented on it. I went to a good school near a major university and all of my friends were also in the gifted class. I thought we were normal. I thought the other kids not in our class were probably just as smart but poor test takers. I didn't really pay much attention to how anyone else was doing. I remember being bored and really frustrated when the other kids would ask questions. I wondered why they wanted to torture themselves by going so slow and if they just wanted to make the teacher feel useful. My kindergarten teacher told my mom I never asked questions and my mom told me to make some up to make the teacher happy. I didn't, but I always suspected that's what other kids did. It never dawned on me that they really didn't get it. I didn't realize I was actually gifted until I entered grad school. The professor who interviewed me said the faculty weren't sure I was real and thought maybe nobody would show up because they hadn't seen scores on an application like mine before. I knew my GRE scores were very good, but I thought everyone going to grad school probably had good scores.

Honestly, for being so smart, I was pretty clueless. It has become more apparent to me as I have left school/academics that I am different. I also see it when I interact with other children in co-ops and even my own when I teach them things. I can't teach or treat them the way I would have wanted to be taught.

[Donna]

I guess remember knowing in 3rd grade because I had a wonderful teacher who gave me my own reading group with another boy and let us read "grown up" books. The one I remember most is Thor Heyerdahl and The Kon-tiki. I remember being so bored previously with reading in school. Phonics was like torture because it was mind-numbingly easy. Being allowed to really learn was like a breath of fresh air and she asked questions that required more than regurgitation of answers. I read voraciously and visited the local library every week for a stack of books. The librarian knew me by name and would hold new books for me.

 

The next year's teacher did not "have the time" to keep the individualized instruction and I remember how horrible it felt to be back to those boring "readers" with their simple questions.

[blondeviolin]

I knew in K. We started memorizing nursery rhymes and I memorized twice as many as the others in half the time. It became like a game. In first grade, we moved across the country. My teach was at a loss as to what to do with me because I walked in and read the teachers' materials on the first day. I became a mini-teacher's aide. Yeah, I made friends quickly. /sarcasm

I was lucky enough that a majority of my elementary years were spent in a dedicated gifted classroom. I was still at the top of the classes, but at least I wasn't too bored.

I struggled a lot in middle school because apparently being gifted is very threatening to that age group.

So, yeah... I knew from a young age. My kids don't really know because they have no class to compare themselves to. Sometimes I think that's good...

[SeaConquest]

I'm 3e -- Bipolar and ADD -- thrice exceptionally whacked, but I wasn't diagnosed with the latter two Es until adulthood (even though the signs were there in adolescence). ;)

I knew when I skipped K and was put into a GT program, though I'm quite sure that my IQ dropped precipitously with parenthood.

[MinivanMom]

I was placed in a self-enclosed gifted class in 2nd grade, but I didn't really get the magnitude of it. We moved a lot so this was just my new class and everyone else in the class had qualified too, so what was the big deal? I was always the top student, but that didn't really register with me either - maybe because I didn't have parents who cared or made a big deal out of it. I didn't always fit in with my classmates, but I always attributed that to my family situation versus being highly gifted. I knew I was different, but I viewed it in a very negative light; I saw myself as different "poor, lower-class", not different "highly gifted."

 

I didn't realize until I scored super high on my SAT's in 7th grade and qualified for CTY. It wasn't the fact that I qualified, but the way people reacted to it. I had several friends whose parents had always kept a watchful eye on me because of my family situation and the way they reacted seemed so out of proportion to me. It wasn't a, "Wow, she's so gifted," reaction, but a, "Holy cow, this girl is going to make it. We thought she would wind up in jail or on the streets with her family situation, but, holy cow, she's going to make it." They were bragging about me and were so proud that I'd blown the other qualifiers (from the richer junior high) out of the water with my scores. On the other end of the spectrum, I had one parent (lawyer father of one of my classmates) lash out at me and that really brought it home too, but in a different way.

[Kerileanne99]

Wow, I am surprised, heartened...and dismayed at how many mis-understood, mis-diagnosed situations exist for others!

I think I actually am a poster child for imposter syndrome. I always knew I was different, but not necessarily in a good way. I had a seriously disfunctional family, and the only thing that saved me was an amazing grandmother who happened to be a librarian.
I read very well an very early, and started Kindy a year early. But I had issues, primarily behavioral, mostly stemming from home life. I am fairly certain my teachers hated me, but in third grade all of my friends went to a gifted pullout program...and I did not. I later learned (as in 15 years later!) that it was only by teacher recommendation. But since I didn't know then I guess I believed I must not be 'smart in the same way.' This was compounded by the fact that my mom volunteered with the GT program. She fought to get me in, had me independently assessed by a psychologist, but never told me the results because she thought it would go to my head. Unfortunately, this lead me to believe that I only got into the GT program and things like Odyssey of the Mind our GT program did due to nepotism:)
In HS I was bored an opted to do most work independently with the teachers approval, and ended up graduating at 15. I went straight to college on a academic/soccer scholarship...but wow! I needed some structure:)
I joined the army, spent some time 'traveling the world' and eventually was injured, resulting in a full medical retirement...which resulted in IQ tests to determine whether I was a reasonable investment in a college education:)
My results and subsequent conversations with what functional family I have really changed my views on so many things...

Now I have mixed emotions...I always felt like IQ was just a number, and obviously intelligence, success, and grit are sooo much more. I guess I can definitely now see both sides of the coin, the WHY of why it just might be important in certain situations for a child to be informed.
We DO NOT tell my dd right now a number, or even that she is 'smart.' We talk about hard work, perseverance, and determination...but I will always remember that someday, it just might be important to how she sees her world.

[Incognito]

I knew from back when I was a kid in elementary school - the pull outs and such.  However, I would say that through the years I have come to see that I didn't *UNDERSTAND* what it meant.  I had always just bought the idea that everyone is different and that I was fortunate that learning came easily to me.  Which is true, but I didn't take it to the other level that I *am* different and that no amount of trying to understand or trying to just be myself or whatever would ever make me fit in or understand.  Reading about Dabrowski's overexcitabilities on here was very insightful for me.

 

Some of this has come into a clearer light for me in just recently getting some testing done with one of my kids.  The psych said that my child would fit in and find peers in acadamia - that where I live and who we are around are the reason my child doesn't fit in - my child just *isn't like the other children* and no amount of trying to understand or activities or playgroups will change that.  I had thought when I was in acadamia that I had finally grown up and understood being with people - then when I left it I have floundered again for years - I didn't realize that the reason is that is the environment of acadamia is where I fit in and belong - I don't fit in in the regular world.  Don't mind me, just going through some positive disintegration... :)

 

Sigh.

 

 

[SKL]

I also felt different in a negative way, but never connected it with IQ.  I am still not sure about that.

 

My family was the poorest, largest family in our school and one of very few that had a working mom.  We bought many of our clothes at the Salvation Army, and accepted hand-me-downs from bigger kids in the same school.

 

We didn't do the same things or have the same interests in general.  I assumed it was a budget issue, but maybe not.  We didn't go to the movies, bowling, etc.  I could not stand the Brady Bunch etc. because it was so obviously (to me) fake.  I loved baby dolls and hated Barbie dolls.  I could not stand the way the other girls, beginning around 5th grade, would go gaga over "cute" celebrities etc., and spend every available moment putting on lip gloss.   I hated fake.  I never wanted to wear makeup (still don't).  Could never finish one single page of a modern romance novel, though I was nuts over the Brontes and similar.  The latest fashions would never be seen on me, whether because I couldn't afford them or because I found them ridiculous.  Had no desire to attend the prom or any other dance etc.

 

Who knows how many of these differences were because I was younger, how many because I was poorer, and how many were because I was wired differently?

 

But interestingly, in my "senior" year (I graduated early), I was with kids 2 years ahead of me by age, and that was the only year I ever really felt like I fit in socially.  I found that perplexing at the time, but now I think I get it.

[lewelma]

I never knew until Graduate school.  I firmly believed that I was just a hard worker.

 

I did not read until I was 12.

In 7th grade, I had a teacher tell me that I would NEVER need to know about TAG (Talented and Gifted program)

In high school, I had to bust my butt in all the honors classes because I had just learned to read

In university, I had to bust my butt again because I went to Duke which was just full of smart kids.

I also had (have) a very very smart sister -- way smarter than me (got a patent on the MRI at age 24). So I was always dumber than her.

 

And then came graduate school..... Wow, I had no idea. My work was just SO far ahead of everyone else.  It took a while to come to terms with it.

 

Ruth in NZ

[Uff Da!]

nm

[leeannpal]

I am 2e as well; however, I was the quintessential child who fell through the cracks. Although I was in high reading groups in school, there was no gifted program when I was growing up. As an adult, I realized I had had ADD in school as well. I still have difficulty with impulsiveness, thinking things through and staying focused. I feel that my schooling failed me in so many ways which is why my daughter is now homeschooled. She has the same issues I do as well: very highly intelligent, has tested gifted but also tested as having severe ADHD, ODD and sensory disorders.

[acurtis75]

I don't know that I heard the term gifted until 3rd grade when they started having a pull-out g/t enrichment at my elementary. My parents recognized something was different early and often commented that my first words were more like complete sentences. I have lots of cousins who are older and they were around a lot of kids and recognized I was ahead. 

 

One of the first things that stands out in my memory is that I was sick and missed a huge amount of school in 2nd grade. I remember a conference with the teacher during that time and she told my parents it was good that I missed most of the year because I was bored and wasn't learning anything anyway.

 

In 3rd grade the IQ testing put me in the g/t program. I also had a very stupid teacher who didn't believe girls should do well in math and be ahead in 3rd grade. She didn't like me from the beginning because I got all the answers right. She gave me a failing grade in math and my parents called a conference. My mom told the principal she had only seen A papers and didn't understand what happened. The teacher told my parents that they had unrealistic expectations because most girls struggle with math in 3rd grade. This stupid woman  threw down all my worksheets from the year and indignantly asked my mom to show her the A papers she supposedly signed. My mom flipped through the worksheets and there were no math papers in there. She pulled out all A's not realizing that there were no lower grades. She then showed a test where she marked every answer with a 4 in it wrong because she preferred that 4's be closed at the top and look like a sailboat and I left mine open. She got reprimanded, my grades were fixed and I was moved to a new class the next day. This didn't do much for my opinion of teachers.

 

I have good memories of the g/t classes as a fun time where we did puzzles and games and projects. One of the students in the group had a mom who was a teacher and I remember "play dates" where we all worked on stuff at his house. Unfortunately our elementary fed to middle schools and all my friends in that class and I were apart for 3 years. In middle school I played sports, made different friends and there was no enrichment or acceleration other than taking the PSAT and SAT early and flyers for Duke TIP stuff that we didn't do. By high school I was uninterested and unmotivated. I made straight A's with little or no effort and then placed out of several college courses without even taking all the pre-requisites. I floundered in college because I had no vision or focus for what I wanted to do with my life.

 

My parents did the best they could but I had a younger sister who had behavior issues and there was more focus on dealing with that. One of the reasons I homeschool is because I feel like had I been in the right school or homeschool I would have been way better off. I don't necessarily think I ended up in the wrong place...dh and I are entrepreneurs and I believe that's what I'm cut out to be but it would have saved me a lot of wasted time and energy had I found a mentor or someone to guide me along the process much earlier.

 

FWIW, both my parents and several of their siblings would probably be identified as gifted if they were in school today. I don't think they ever had IQ testing. 

[sunnyday]

FWIW, both my parents and several of their siblings would probably be identified as gifted if they were in school today. I don't think they ever had IQ testing. 

 

My dad's nickname as a young man was "Telephone" because he could remember any telephone number on the first hearing and repeat it back any time. (He and his twin excelled in their studies of chemical engineering at Georgia Tech.)

Speaking of which did you know that in the Schwarzenegger movie "The Running Man", Arnie's character is made to memorize the code, "18-24-61-B-17-17-4"? IT WON'T LEAVE MY BRAIN. I memorized it myself when I watched the movie at age 18, in order to convince myself that no WAY anyone would be able to recall the sequence by the end of the movie. Yeah, well over a decade later I'm eating my words on that one.

 

My mom and her siblings are bright in a quirky way: my aunt the writer who isolated herself in Japan for decades, my uncles the crazy psychiatrist and brilliant construction GC, among others. My dad and his siblings are all quite analytical, and their Facebook debates are hilarious: not a status can go by without someone acerbically commenting about inaccuracies.

[Grover]

I was ahead of the class / beyond the class the whole way through, but no such thing as gifted.  I was different, wrong, awkward and weird.  Younger years were spent waiting for others and being told I was "too" everything - too sensitive, too careless, too cheeky.   I recall finding a pile of class standardised tests when I was about 8 and being very confused as to why I only got 99% when none were wrong.  I didn't know about percentile ranks back then, lol!  I hit high school and continued to be ahead and weird / different / wrong.  It wasn't until late high school and university that I realised that I was different but I wasn't wrong.  Our schools didn't have anything like a gifted programme during my time in them - that's a last 15 years or so thing.  Gifted wasn't a word I heard until university. 

[SKL]

I think people were afraid we'd get a big head if we knew we were smart.  :P  Even when they knew our IQs, they wouldn't share them with parents without a fight.  And even then the parents usually didn't tell the kids.

[Dory]

I didn't know I was gifted until I was in my mid 20's and was seeing a psychologist for my PTSD. She suggested I be assessed just for my own self-esteem. I thought I was mentally handicapped when I was a kid and most people around me just weren't saying. Every time my mom got angry or frustrated she let me know how stupid I was. I was a bit of a daydreamer too so I often missed things that everyone else noticed. I was easily distracted and didn't remember formulas unless they really caught my interest, but I thought that was because I was stupid. Everyone else would remember how to do something and I would have to look at it and figure it out myself because I didn't dare tell anyone that I couldn't remember how and I didn't dare not get it done. It never occured to me that it was pretty amazing that I would continually figure things out and get them right despite not remembering the how's for them.

 

I would've loved to be able to feel like I had something good to celebrate about me, cause otherwise, well, I didn't have much to feel good about with who I was or what I was able to do in life. Really, in the end I see my giftedness as being more of a curse than anything else. It makes me over sensitive and gives me crave things in my life that everyone around me thinks I've crazy for liking/reading/talking about. Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be like everyone else. I feel like I've handed my kids some horrible thing, and yet I'm hoping like crazy that I can help them be ok with who they are.

[nitascool]

Long story short... I guess I would be considered 2e. I had dyslexia undiagnosed until my freshman year of college. School was torture for me. I know I was different on the first day of class my Kindergarten year and was forced to endure another 12 years of bullying and forced dumbing down. I was told the number score but not that it was in the PG range. The dyslexia made my reading scores much lower and made me have to take LD classes with mostly MR kids who had scores in the 70s. It did a real number on my self esteem and didn't even realize that I was gt until I was an adult.  

[Karen in CO]

I tested gifted in 7th grade along with my brother and sister.  My dad had tested as profoundly gifted.  I was always different in school and perfectly average at home.  I was taught that what I did in life was the measure of who I am. Being smart wasn't important unless I did something with it.

[EndOfOrdinary]

In Kindergarten I was sent into the corner with the first grade reader during phonics lessons because I could read. Every time I would finish a reader I would be sent to the principal for the next year's reader. When I showed up after the sixth grade one there wasn't a seventh so I was given the first grade one again. After that I was just sent to the library for phonics time.

When I could multiply and divide during math time, I was sent into the corner with the first grade math book. When I was done showing my work for the entire book it was back to the principal. I spent pretty much the entire year in the corner or the library. My parents pulled me shortly there after and sent me back to private school. In private school they jumped me three full grades so that I was the youngest kid in middle school. It was horrible emotionally.

Confirmation came when my parents were going to put me back into public middle school. I had the highest scores the district had ever seen on my GAT tests the summer before 6th grade. They flat out told my parents the school could not accommodate me. I was sent anyway. I took the SAT in 7th grade trying to get my parents to pull me from school by bargaining my scores for freedom. They agreed. When I got a 1530 they renigged their offer saying they didn't think I would do that well, but that obviously I needed to be in school to maximize my potential. By the beginning of 8th grade I was completely fed up with school.

I remember distinctly thinking,"Can't they all see how stupid this is? Someone must recognize how stupid this is?" I now realize it was easier for everyone to just not care. It is the reason I homeschool my son. My father is still convinced that Ds should be in school so that he "learns to be normal like you had to."

[Tanikit]

Second grade I guess - I didn't have to read the school readers for homework anymore and was sent home with 6th grade level books from the library (since the school only went to 3rd grade I am actually not sure how many of these books were in the library or if they borrowed them from elsewhere) that I could read as much as I wanted to as long as it was reported in my diary. I was also in a gifted pull out program where we did project based learning. However I never did feel like my achievements were much since my elder sister was highly gifted, had a higher IQ and had learnt to read much earlier than me as she was taught more as a young child - I was seen in my family as the more compliant child who would get good grades because I actually did the work - I guess I was just less rebellious - who can be rebellious when your twin brother does that for you? 

 

I must admit I never did feel "different" because of it - I think that fell to my sister - she was accelerated, I was just one of the youngest in my class. I think later when I got diabetes then I did feel different. Today I just know everyone is different, every one has something they must deal with.

[a27mom]

I can't remember not knowing that I was "smarter" than other kids. In first grade and third grade I always ended up helping the other kids because I finished my work so quickly. This was not a good thing socially. So, it was a relief when I was able to start in the self contained gifted classroom in 4th grade. This pulled from several schools, so we were a group of 24 out of about 400 children.

I think that gifted class is was in saved me from that bad different feeling that so many previous posts have described. I have friends who were like me. Although early on I realized I was still one of the smartest kids in the room. Most of the other kids talked about the special test they had to take to get into the program. There were about 4 of us who never took the special test. We quickly figured out that those of us who didn't have to take the test were the ones who qualified without question.

We moved temporarily to California over Christmas in 6th grade. I had to miss the first day back to school because they required the Stanford Binet for placement in their gifted program, they set me up to take it. The administrative people were saying their cut off score was really high, and I hadn't had time to prepare for the test, so not to be upset if I didn't pass. When I scored 24 points higher than their cutoff, it was pretty firmly set in my mind that I was "gifted". But that preparing for the IQ test thing should have been a red flag. They obviously equated gifted with being high achieving. My grades went down because I didn't put much effort into all the extra busy work and dumb projects required.

I definitely was never under the illusion that I worked harder. In fact I never worked hard until I hit the graduate school level courses required for my professional degree.

But, I never really understood that being "gifted" means my brain works differently until I started reading here and some of the other resources on the web. I knew that my brain worked differently, but I didn't make the direct connection with IQ. That connection was so enlightening. It explains a lot!

It has been interesting to read all of the above responses. My heart breaks for some of you. I am now pondering how to make sure "gifted" is good for my kids.

[acurtis75]

I remember distinctly thinking,"Can't they all see how stupid this is? Someone must recognize how stupid this is?" 

 

This pretty much sums up how I felt about school from middle school until graduation. It all just seemed like a waste of time. I didn't really have any idea what I should have been doing but I knew what the school was doing wasn't it.

 

 

I do realize from reading these posts that my parents did a pretty good job of making sure I didn't feel weird or different and that I felt being "smart" was a good thing.  This didn't stop me from wanting to "fit in" when I got to high school and part of the reason for being lazy and not doing work was in retrospect a way to make sure I didn't stand out too much. 

 

Homeschooling has given me an opportunity to explore topics that dd and I enjoy. I'm trying really hard to make sure this isn't a waste of time for both of us. I also feel a real responsibility to make sure she is challenged and stretched and learns to work hard. My parents could have done a better job emphasizing this. I saw their example of hard work but they didn't really encourage it in myself or my siblings. Academics will probably always be easy for dd so I've tried to stress hard work and character in other areas.

[AndyJoy]

I discovered that the word "gifted" applied to me when I was 12.  Prior to that I often felt like an alien species; later I did as well, but at least I knew my home planet :)  I was used to being the smartest, most intense, most creative, most curious, most driven, most perfectionistic, most argumentative/persuasive kid in my class.  Because this was my normal, I was confused a lot because I didn't understand that I wasn't normal.  It is hard to explain what I mean....I was scared of my own intensity, thinking everyone was like this but they must just control themselves better because I couldn't seem to keep in things that made me stand out for good or bad.  My mom admitted she didn't really grasp it either until then.  She knew me, but I was her oldest and she didn't have much of a frame of reference.  Since I only made the K cutoff by 2 weeks, my mom had me wait since she intended to move to a state with an earlier cutoff.  Eventually we did, so I was not the oldest by 5th grade.  Apparently 2 of my elementary schools wanted me to skip a grade, but my mom turned them down.  I sometimes struggled with that decision once I found out, but mostly think it was probably for the best because 1 grade skip wouldn't have been an academic challenge anyway but it would have been a social challenge!

 

When I was entering 5th grade in a new town, my next door neighbor told me excitedly about the GT program at our school.  I had no idea what that was, but she told me about all the cool projects and activities they did and said she hoped maybe I'd get to be in the program too.  She didn't explain what GT meant, we just dropped the topic.  5th grade was very interesting and a bit confusing.  My teacher sat me and 2-3 other students in the back of the room and basically ignored us.  As long as we did our work and didn't distract others, he didn't care what else we did.  I read extensively, wrote for fun, doodled, passed notes, made lists, and daydreamed with my teacher's blessing.  It was a major change from my very structured 3rd and 4th grade classrooms where it seemed like my every move was ordered and scripted.  Whenever there was an opportunity for students to be out of the classroom, he chose the students with the top grades in whatever class we would be missing.  Thus I read with 1st graders, worked on spelling with 3rd graders, volunteered in the cafeteria, and did other random errands and tasks for my teacher.  The freedom was odd but exhilarating.  I found out later that my teacher knew I would qualify for the GT program but intentionally didn't recommend me because of 2 boys in my class.  They were both in the GT program, but got poor grades in his classes.  He thought that the GT program would ruin me and turn me into a slacker.  I was so upset when I found this out later! 

 

My 6th grade teacher, however, recommended me right away.  After IQ and creativity tests and a review of my achievement test scores and teacher's questionnaire, I was admitted to the school's 1 day a week academic pull-out program.  My GT class was comprised of 4th-6th graders from two schools; 5 students were from mine, 3 from the other.  Each Wednesday we were bussed to a third school where we had our own classroom.  We had to make up our regular classroom work by Thurs. or Fri. depending on the teacher.  These days were filled with unit studies, independent investigations, group projects, meaningful discussions, and rabbit trails to our hearts' content.  Even the classmate who bullied me at our regular school was a welcome addition to my GT class.  Every Wednesday on the bus back we fantasized about being pulled out every day.  We decided we wouldn't mind making up all the regular classroom work after regular school hours every day if it meant we could be in our GT class more.  I found out years later that I qualified for the Creative GT program as well as the Academic GT program but the school wouldn't let me do both because of the "disruption" to my regular classroom time.  What a joke...This was the first time that I really felt accepted and understood.  No one mocked me for being passionate and excited about learning.  Our teacher understood our intensity and wasn't threatened or perplexed like some of my regular classroom teachers had been.  That experience was invaluable for me because it started me on a path of self-discovery that helped me understand myself and cope with my issues much better.

 

[bakpak]

One of my few memories from K was finally being asked to do something interesting ("Count as high as you can") and they cut me off at 500! After I argued with the teacher she finally wrote down 1000 for me. I was so dismayed and felt utterly betrayed. I'm pretty sure I was crying I was so upset.

 

I started the once-a-week GT program in 1st grade...I remember that first social (1-6th grades, but no 2nd graders qualified). I was so overwhelmed, because I was handed a list of small font 20 questions that I had to write answers to and then find someone whose answers matched mine and then write down their name beside each question. I was very shy and it was awful because I expected that I should have been able to handle it perfectly. I was mortified when a big girl prissily pointed out I had misspelled spaghetti (favorite food) and February (birth month). "How could you not know how to spell your birth month??!" Ugh...  Years later I remember that same girl on my bus making out with my brother in high school (ha...how smart was THAT??!) and swearing up and down that she had never farted in her life. Hehe, I'm glad I can balance the two memories...

 

But really, I just felt alone in Elementary school. I don't remember much about the GT program, so I think it didn't do much to alleviate the other 34 hours per week of being in a normal classroom. Everyone talked about how awful our intermediate school  was, but really, what I remember was feeling relieved. It combined all the 7th and 8th graders across the entire county, and finally I was in classes with ONLY gifted students. It was marvelous and eye-opening and enriching. Some of those teachers are STILL my all-time favorites. Nothing was dumbed down, half the kids and most of the teachers had smart mouths so it was always entertaining. I was brought to two different college libraries to work on our research projects, and my whole world opened up. THAT'S why I decided to go to college despite my parents telling me I couldn't. Thank goodness for far-seeing teachers! High school was fairly boring academically after that.

 

But when I finally got it I think was my senior year. I was left alone in our useless guidance counselor's office for 5 min and of course I looked at the ledger that was open to my page. When he came back I asked him what all the numbers at the top stood for, and after trying to avoid the question he eventually admitted it was (estimated?) IQ scores (I don't know how accurate, or how they were gauged....we took standardized tests each year with IQ type questions at the end I now remember in hindsight). Well, I ran back and told my friends and his office got bombarded with students wanting to know their scores too (ha!). Everyone was comparing numbers after that, and I realized no one's score was within 15 points of mine. Thus began my journey into mild imposter syndrome land, which continues a bit to this day. I imagine if I'd had a supportive family/school life I would have developed into possibly a different person. Then again, I muddled my way to a PhD so it must not have been all bad... :nopity: Thank goodness for being able to read up on this stuff (like perfectionism) now as I help my DD navigate these waters! I just wish my parents had listened to me whenever I told them I wanted to do something they considered years and years ahead of myself. Given my upbringing and personality and the lack of resources that were available to me, I still feel like I wasted half of my best learning years. Now the world's my oyster! :)

[shawthorne44]

I thought I was normal to maybe dumb.  There had been signs though.  Early elementary they were going to skip me a grade, but I knew that was partly because my best friend truly needed to be skipped and I was borderline.  Then we moved and I was placed with the dumb kids. I wasn't even in the top quarter percentile of my high school.  Not turning in your work tends to bring your grades down.  I got a bit of clue when we did an IQ test in Psych class.  I scored in the high 130's, and that was with less time for the test because I had to use the restroom far away.  After that I overheard the teachers talking about how "smart" I was.  But even then, the score didn't seem that high.  

I truly would have enjoyed a gifted program.  Because taking two math classes seemed like a better idea than taking a dreary elective, I accidentally jumped into another math track.  I will never forget the culture shock when the kid behind said "Of course" when I asked if he'd done his homework.  "Of course?!?"  I'd never been in classes where the kids always did their homework.  

I think I finally realized that I was in the gifted range when Mensa accepted me.  Although, one part of me thinks that their standards most be pretty low.  

[MrsDarcy]

I guess I "knew" by being in the "gifted" classes , that I was supposedly smart.  But I didn't really understand that I "thought" differently than others til I was much older.

 

 I was actually a poor student, sloppy in my work, couldn't follow directions, or remember them, daydreamed, and didn't learn to read til third grade.  I was a troublemaker in third grade and was annoyed that my chatting and antics with my friends were constantly being interrupted by my teacher or schoolwork.  You had to be recommended to be in the Gifted program, and no teacher would do that for me, until they were pushed to by my  IQ scores.  I think a lot of teachers, even now, some how equate high achievers with being intelligent, and that you can't be that bright if you don't make good grades.  I remember slipping in to the gifted class in fourth grade, which had already been going on for a month or so, and joining the circle of kids (several different schools were bused there for this gifted class).  I remember the pause when I took my seat, and the two teachers and kids who knew me seemed to be thinking, what is SHE doing here. (I was pretty dworky and one Unsocialized public schooler. )One of the teachers explained the mental puzzle they were working on, when it was my turn, I told them the answer.  They started another logic/mental puzzle, and when it was my turn to ask a question, I gave them the answer instead, they did this for another round and I was able to get the answer again before anyone in the class.  I could tell the teachers were a little shocked.  It was nice to be in a class where I was finally doing something well.  It turned out to be a pretty fun class.   

 

My dd's GT class was more work and project based and my dd didn't really enjoy it as much as I had at her age.  We had projects but I think we had a lot more fun and freedom to explore and her class was more rigid in expectations.

 

[kiwik]

I was ahead of the class / beyond the class the whole way through, but no such thing as gifted. I was different, wrong, awkward and weird. Younger years were spent waiting for others and being told I was "too" everything - too sensitive, too careless, too cheeky. I recall finding a pile of class standardised tests when I was about 8 and being very confused as to why I only got 99% when none were wrong. I didn't know about percentile ranks back then, lol! I hit high school and continued to be ahead and weird / different / wrong. It wasn't until late high school and university that I realised that I was different but I wasn't wrong. Our schools didn't have anything like a gifted programme during my time in them - that's a last 15 years or so thing. Gifted wasn't a word I heard until university.

Ditto. Although most of the time I was timid I got in trouble a lot for staying things that were truly not meant to be rude. I was also the youngest in the class and considered socially immature (I never did mature so I guess I am just socially incompetent). When my year was split into two composites i always ended up in the lower half (is. 2/3 rather than the 3/4) which i deep down thought was because i wasn't clever enough.

There is still no proper gifted programming - just extension classes sometimes for high achievers (teacher's recommendation) and a private but officially recognised one day a week extension programme.

[kohlby]

I grew up with a genius older brother, so it took a bit to realize it.  I was happy to do what was needed to please the teacher and was well-behaved, shy, and never rocked the boat.  At an assembly at the end of 6th grade, they called up all the students who had qualified to take the SAT.  Out of nearly 200 students, there were 5 of us.  I was standing with the kids I had thought were the smartest kids before that even.  That really surprised me to be linked with that group.  I knew my math scores were always good - and math class wasn't challenging enough for me, but it hadn't been a big deal.  Then suddenly, I was standing with kids that I hadn't thought I was like.

 

This also meant it took longer to realize my eldest was gifted.  He has sensory issues which did get in the way of noticing it.  But he also is gifted in ways very similarly to me.  So, for a while, I thought it was pretty normal.  Homeschooling helped, as he could move at his own pace.  That meant a point came when it was obvious that he was way ahead of kids of a similar age.
 

[FO4UR]

I was pulled out in grade school for the "gifted program"...in which we went to the school library and played Carmen Sandiego.  I don't think I'm *really* gifted though, maybe a 2e, definitely asynchronous.  Stealth dyslexia doesn't quite fit me, but as I research in order to help my dc I see patterns in myself.  

 

 

I vaguely remember wanting to read big books and not being able to.  I have some mental hiccups that show up in music for me.  (I've got a music ed degree...and read music well.  Heck, I passed most of my theory classes with A & B's, but I cannot sight read piano music (several lines at once) in the same way that I can sight read vocal lines.)  I think this is dyslexia, though never diagnosed.

 

I'm pretty good at logical deduction, so I test well.  I'm extremely intuitive and read people's body language/tone of voice with accuracy.  The former trait won me the spot in the gifted program.  The latter trait made for a very anxious child, always knew the answers but never raised her hand.  That worked for me until jr/sr years of high school when the physics/calc teachers focused their teaching on the kids who always had their hands up.  

 

When I went to college and whipped out 3-10 page, A+ papers in a few hours, I realized that my education had been different than most.  Maybe much of that is natural knack.  

[Ravin]

I knew I was ahead of the curve reading in 1st grade. But it was probably 3rd before "gifted" as an idea sunk in, even though I was in a pull out G/T program in 2nd.

It really stood out in high school after I skipped 8th grade.

What was more important in the long run was learning that being smart wasn't enough by itself, and there is always someone smarter. That started sinking in in my junior year when I attended a dual enrollment program that drew kids from all over Texas. I was on the lower end of the range there. I didn't perform well (I had zero study skills), but learned a great deal that helped me mature.

[EKS]

I was in the gifted program starting in 4th grade.  But I always felt like an imposter because I am actually 2E (I realize now).

[...................]

I am barely in the gifted range (133 on every test I took) so I had the odd advantage of being smart enough to know I was not that smart😛. I was smart enough to achieve straight A's in school with zero effort, yet I was not smart enough to intuitively understand Euclidian Geometry an AP class. This bothered me very much and made me feel very stupid. I became very frustrated that I was just memorizing steps and not really understanding it well and then the same thing happened with AP physics and trigonometry. I became convinced that I was not good at math, although my peers trucked onto calculus, I dropped it- I had no idea that there were tutors or people who could explain such things and it never occurred to me to try to learn. Even now, I married a guy who is a software engineer and I often feel much less intelligent than he. His logic scores are through the roof and mine, almost average! But my other scores bring my total score up.

I was also a little 2e. With undiagnosed sensory disorder. I've also been diagnosed with ADD although I question the validity I of that.

So, in the end, I feel like hard work really makes a big difference. It seems to me that work ethic can make up for 15 iQ points in what a person is able to access and achieve in life. Many of my peers who were only bright (maybe 115 range if I could guess) have done very well and even gone on to graduate with Science related degrees such as nursing or Civic engineering.

With our kids we focus on hard work and patience.

[acurtis75]

As I continue to read through this thread I find it very interesting the number of responses from people who weren't or aren't sure they really qualify as "gifted". I'm wondering if this has anything to do with most (if not all?) of us being girls/women. I wonder how many boys/men have the same thoughts as children and adults when they are identified as gifted . It seems odd that if IQ tests or other determining factors (working years ahead, getting A's without effort, teachers identifying you...etc) say you were/are gifted that one would automatically assume you aren't. It just seems like a high percentage of responses include a reference to not feeling like it was deserved or correct.

[Aurelia]

In between first and second grades they did testing for the gifted program. Apparently I was 2e, so I went to the gifted pullout and the school counselor's office. Like others, I kind of felt like an imposter because I didn't know I was 2e. I just thought the other kids in my gifted class were smarter than me. 

[Upward Journey]

As I continue to read through this thread I find it very interesting the number of responses from people who weren't or aren't sure they really qualify as "gifted". I'm wondering if this has anything to do with most (if not all?) of us being girls/women. I wonder how many boys/men have the same thoughts as children and adults when they are identified as gifted . It seems odd that if IQ tests or other determining factors (working years ahead, getting A's without effort, teachers identifying you...etc) say you were/are gifted that one would automatically assume you aren't. It just seems like a high percentage of responses include a reference to not feeling like it was deserved or correct.

 

 

I remember feeling that way, but I don't think It had anything to do with being a girl.  I grew up in a gifted family, and compared to them I'm actually not that smart. 

 

I personally did not know that I was gifted until 7th grade when I got tested because we moved.  I don't think my parents would have had me tested otherwise, because to them I was just normal and not exceptional at all.

[SKL]

I thought I was dumb because I internalized the things my classmates said to me.  In those days, nobody ever said "you are smart" because parents/teachers didn't want kids to get a "big head."

 

It could also have been because I didn't have the same experience base as my classmates.  I was the only poor kid in a Lutheran school, and also the youngest kid.  I'd never been bowling, seen the recent movies, been on a plane or to a national park, etc.  Surely I knew things they didn't know, but I only noticed the areas where I was backward.

 

Then too, I would assume someone else was right just because s/he spoke with great confidence.  "Of course Abraham Lincoln was the 2nd president, who doesn't know that?!"  LOL.

[Paige]

I think I was just oblivious. Sure, I read 10times what everyone else did for the reading challenge, but I just thought it was because I liked to read. Sure, I got all A's on everything, but didn't everyone else? I paid no attention to other people's grades. I noticed that everyone didn't make it on the Principal's lists and honors classes, or even the gifted class, but I attributed it to lack of interest in school or the gifted program, people having a bad test day, or mostly didn't think enough to connect the dots. They all seemed smart enough when I talked to them. My best friends were also in the gifted class and most of my classes and I paid zero attention to what anyone else was doing in their classes. My friends and I didn't talk about grades or compete. We talked about ponies. I felt different, but that was because I was an awkward, super shy kid who didn't really get what most of the other kids were into. It had nothing to do with being a girl- I was raised in the height of 80s feminism.

Well, and also because I'm not that smart. ;) I knew I scored in the top percentiles, but I assumed the tests needed to be readjusted, that IQs have been growing, the tests needed to be renormed and are not valid measures of intelligence anyway, and that MENSA is very generous about who it accepts. I still think most of that is true.