Absolutely appalled and dismayed!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Part of the issue could be the length of time of the entire event of a sleep-over. If it was a two hour party, where the girls come together, play, chat, eat and then go home, I wouldn't expect there would be time or interest for individuals to use devices. For a sleep-over, there is a lot more time involved, and it can be intense and exhausting to be chatting the entire time, especially if the girls are not all aquainted with each other. A personal device might be a wonderful way to relax. And at 1:00am, as long as the girls are quiet and not doing something inappropriate, I wouldn't care if they are all on their own devices. I'd be in bed myself, or possibly on the computer if I couldn't sleep. It's also possible that many of the girls couldn't sleep. I know that I have trouble sleeping in a different location.

 

While I am not a fan of devices at most social occcassions, I think a sleep over is a little different. There is just so much time to deal with. If your dd had a good time, no one got hurt, and everyone seemed to have fun, it sounds like a success! As a young teen I survived too many sleep-overs just hoping that nothing really bad would happen between people physically and socially, and for the most part I got really lucky. Things could have been a lot worse.

 

You know, I was thinking about this as we baked cookies today, and one other thing occurred to me. I remember going to sleepovers as a kid (we had lots of them), and there were always some periods of time when we ran out of stuff to do or talk about for a bit. Those always seemed to be the times that negative behavior or unpleasant talk happened. It was never anything too terrible (we were pretty innocent), but those are definitely the kinds of times that can be filled by a few quiet moments with your iPhone. Then, when everyone's had their mental break, the good times can go on. 

 

Frankly, I'm an introvert, and I do this at parties and gatherings. I've even been known to bring a book in my purse and hide out in the bathroom for a little while. Like I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, when we have sleepovers here, the girls are together for almost a full 24 hours. I can't even be together with my DH and kids for 24 hours straight without needing some mental down time!

 

I don't know, I'm with Joanne. No one's feelings were hurt, they did typical sleepover stuff, nobody got humiliated on Instagram…I don't really see the problem.

[Murphy101]

The texting each other thing even in the same room...

 

You know dh and I were just discussing this thread, thanks for the reminder to refresh our rules with the kids btw.

 

Anyhow.

 

Dh and I have vivid memories of sitting at a dining room table writing in a spiral notebook back and forth to each other when we were 16-19. We were even alone in the room, but other people were within hearing distance. Why? Because frankly, we didn't want to be overheard. I can't be the only one who remembers passing notes at school lunch time or on the playground? It wasn't a sing of secrets or anything bad or being anti social. I think in many situations texting has replaced note passing. (Oh and remember they often had bad spelling too bc any minute a teacher may come along, so we had to write fast! lol)

 

If I saw college kids doing that, I'd just think they were sharing private thoughts with their buddies. Probably not even anything particularly private.

[UnsinkableKristen]

I can't be the only one who remembers passing notes at school lunch time or on the playground? It wasn't a sing of secrets or anything bad or being anti social. I think in many situations texting has replaced note passing.

 

This!  Yes, texting is the new note-passing, even among adults :).

 

Also, I basically could've have just quoted every post of yours in this conversation and added one great big "I AGREE."

This has given me a lot to think about in terms of what I how I want my family to view/use technology. 

[MomatHWTK]

When I was a teen, I talked on the phone with my friends for hours.  Sometimes we'd actually watch the same TV show while on the phone.  I also read a book at the table during meals.  At parties or family gatherings, kids will ignore the people they wish to ignore regardless of what they are doing as they ignore the ones left out.  The behavior training- not reading at the table, limiting phone time, being open to making new friends is necessary regardless of the technology.  Technology doesn't shut out people, people shut out people. ;)

[HollyDay]

I got annoyed at a mom's night out a few weeks ago when my adult peers were doing the same. LOL

 

It's a shame, I agree. I can't decide if I'm just aging into an old fuddy-duddy who can't keep up with the times, or if it really is an etiquette thing.

 

I had the same thing happen this summer!  It is so annoying.  I can understand checking messages if you have a babysitter at home, you are on call, or you have a sick relative.  But, this was certainly not the case.  It is just plain rude!  It is telling the company you are in that they are not worth your time and attention.

 

Dd has been complaing of her high school bible study dissolving into teens constantly texting. 

 

There has been no gathering I have attended in the last year that wasn't without some sort of electronic device being used by the majority of people there.  I felt like telling some folks to go home with their phone and enjoy it there as they were not interacting where they were.  Whatever happened to "be in the moment,"  and "be present" ????

[Lisbeth]

I think this is, from my point of view, pretty much an overreaction and a very rigid expectation of what must occur at the party. It sounds a good mix of things happened, everyone had a good time, and all was generally well.

 

Your house, your rules, but my severely allergic (to many things) child carries a phone partially for safety reasons. I want her to get immediate help or immediate messages to me.

 

I think requiring constant interaction for hours on end with no downtime sounds awful. I am an introvert and need breaks. Why try to control things to that level?

[Murphy101]

When I was a teen, I talked on the phone with my friends for hours. Sometimes we'd actually watch the same TV show while on the phone. I also read a book at the table during meals.

 

I've been reading during breakfast my entire life. Sometimes lunch too. Note, lesson plans, magazine, email... Whatever. But even when I was a kid, lots of people read at breakfast and lunch. Remember all shows where the dad is reading the newspaper at the table?

 

I had the same thing happen this summer! It is so annoying. I can understand checking messages if you have a babysitter at home, you are on call, or you have a sick relative. But, this was certainly not the case. It is just plain rude! It is telling the company you are in that they are not worth your time and attention.

 

Dd has been complaing of her high school bible study dissolving into teens constantly texting.

 

There has been no gathering I have attended in the last year that wasn't without some sort of electronic device being used by the majority of people there. I felt like telling some folks to go home with their phone and enjoy it there as they were not interacting where they were. Whatever happened to "be in the moment," and "be present" ????

Respectfully, I think you need to hang out with other people or at other activities then.

 

It can't be a very well guided bible study if they are on their phone that much.

 

Also, not every gathering my kids have is MY gathering. I don't feel a need to be buddies with all the parents of all the kids my kids hang out with. I'm nice and I'm usually happy enough to put the phone down and chitchat. But mostly I'm the quiet lady in the corner whether I have the phone out or not bc I presume my opinions or thoughts will be asked for if anyone is interested.

 

ETA: tho I'd completely agree that if I called my girlfriends together for a night out and they spent more time on their phone in text and phone convo than interacting with me, I'd be a bit miffed and hurt. Being the blunt friend I am, I'd probably ask them outright if everything is okay or if this was a bad time for them to have a girls night out.

[Murphy101]

You just said she goes to youth group nights where phones are taken.

She never plays at a friends house without you there and you don't plan to let her until she is 16? Okay.

I've never had to take phones either.

Because my kids talk to just about anyone.

My kids don't get their own phone until 16 either.

[Pawz4me]

Wow, so what do you think of our youth minister who REQUIRES that ALL youth hand him their cell phone once they get to the youth camp.

 

My kids wouldn't be going, for the reasons Martha has posted.

[Murphy101]

Oh. I wouldn't have sent the phone at all then. That's what I do when the kids do stuff like that. No point sending it if they can't access it.

 

ETA: I'd very ticked if I wasn't informed beforehand tho. There is no reason to not inform them they can't have them in advance.

 

When my kids have done outdoor camps like that, the staff won't take the "contraband" bc they don't want to be responsible for it. Kids have to either leave it at home or call someone to pick it up or go home.

[Murphy101]

Nm. Off topic. :)

[Bootsie]

The cell phones and other electronics complicate teen parties/get-togethers in several ways in my experience:

 

1)  As the parent hosting a party, I am uncomfortable that another teen might bring an electronic device with movies and other material that I do not think is appropriate.  There are certain movies, for example, I would not allow to be viewed during a teen party at my house.  However, I don't know for sure what is being viewed when other kids can easily bring movies, etc.

 

2)  I was at a youth retreat where the girls were in one cabin and the boys in another.  We found that the phones were being used to text between girls and boys when the adults went to sleep and to arrange unsupervised meeting places.  Yes, teens have been sneaking out for years, but the technology adds an entirely new dimension.

 

3) DD had a slumber party a few years ago.  About midnight I thought I heard the front door shut.  I went to check.  Something had come up with Molly's family and her mother came to pick her up.  She texted Molly when she arrived and Molly left--Molly's parents never talked to me.  They felt they were safe because they had direct contact with their daughter.  What they didn't realize was that it could have been Molly's boyfriend texting her that he was outside and she left with him and as the host parents we would have known nothing different.

[Amy in NH]

Re: taking phones away. I would be very upset if someone said my dd had to relinquish her phone at a party. First and foremost the phone is viewed as a safety device. While I know the families where dd might spend the night, I also prefer her to keep her phone. If she feels the need to call me she can. I'd be angry at any parent who prevented her from having that available and as a result conditioned her to think that a stipulation such as "give up your phone to enter this party" was ok. Maybe I'm over imaginative, but when dd leaves home and possibly attends parties at college I don't want her having previous experience of giving up a phone at a party when she's just slightly older and just beginning to make safety decisions on her own. 

 

That's why I'd put it in the invitation.  So you can have the opportunity to decline.  

 

Any teen who comes to my home is welcome to use my home phone, and we don't have cell service here anyway due to the mountains. 

 

Just curious, would your teen not be allowed at my home due to the lack of cell service?

[Murphy101]

The cell phones and other electronics complicate teen parties/get-togethers in several ways in my experience:

 

1) As the parent hosting a party, I am uncomfortable that another teen might bring an electronic device with movies and other material that I do not think is appropriate. There are certain movies, for example, I would not allow to be viewed during a teen party at my house. However, I don't know for sure what is being viewed when other kids can easily bring movies, etc.

Then ask your kid what they are watching? Or lean over same as the other kids and look? It's not that difficult. My kids know exactly what I allow and I fully expect them to honor that. If they don't, then my teen is the one I'm going to have a problem with.

 

2) I was at a youth retreat where the girls were in one cabin and the boys in another. We found that the phones were being used to text between girls and boys when the adults went to sleep and to arrange unsupervised meeting places. Yes, teens have been sneaking out for years, but the technology adds an entirely new dimension.

*shrug* either the teens are being supervised or not. I would presume at least one is going to give it a try and planned accordingly regardless. ;)

 

3) DD had a slumber party a few years ago. About midnight I thought I heard the front door shut. I went to check. Something had come up with Molly's family and her mother came to pick her up. She texted Molly when she arrived and Molly left--Molly's parents never talked to me. They felt they were safe because they had direct contact with their daughter. What they didn't realize was that it could have been Molly's boyfriend texting her that he was outside and she left with him and as the host parents we would have known nothing different.

That was just rude of the girl. Did her mother realize she didn't let you know? I can see me advising my teen not to wake your whole house, but I'd have told her to knock on your door and let you know she was leaving. That's just weird.

[redsquirrel]

I just got back from a holiday party and dh and I texted each other during the party. It was in a very big house and I texted him to see if he had seen the kids lately. He let me know they were in the basement watching doctor who with the other older kids. Then he texted me to see if I wanted him to bring me a glass of wine.

 

The OP says this was a 1am. They could have been just quietly winding down before they fell asleep. I know that I usually peruse a couple websites before I go to sleep at night. I use my phone, but I would use an ipad if I had one. I put down my book, then I lie in bed, in the dark, reading huffpo etc and play a couple games of Candy Crush or Dots until I feel sleepy. Not a big deal and not anti-social

 

I would expect anyone staying overnight would want to know how to use my network. I am going to my mom's house this week and she will give me her information so I can log my computers and phone onto her network. DH's parents have a second network that is just for guests. My sister and DH's brother have their network info posted in the house for any guest who wants it.

[Kari C in SC]

Watching a movie is a group activity. I'm not sure how most people watch movies, but my family does not watch movies in silence. We interact during the entire movie. This is exactly why we wait for movies to come on DVD/BR to watch them. We also talk and laugh about the movie afterwards.

 

Val

I have always thought it was rude to talk during a movie. It would never occur to me to talk a lot during a movie. How can you pay attention and hear what is happening if people are talking?Anytime we have family visiting from out of town, the last thing I want to do is watch a movie because I feel like I am missing out on time to actually talk with them.

[Murphy101]

We don't talk during movies either. It drives us batty. We also dislike when people read the screen out loud. We can read it ourselves!

 

I tend to turn the tv off and keep it off when company is visiting.

[Joanne]

 

 

I would expect anyone staying overnight would want to know how to use my network. I am going to my mom's house this week and she will give me her information so I can log my computers and phone onto her network. DH's parents have a second network that is just for guests. My sister and DH's brother have their network info posted in the house for any guest who wants it.

The last few get togethers I have been to have had their wireless info posted.

[Meadowlark]

I think your reaction is extreme and that you should have told the girls your expectations or house rules regarding screen time instead of getting angry at them for not realizing it was a problem. They aren't bad kids just because they enjoy using screens while they're together. Setting limits and talking to them about your expectations is a much better solution than fuming silently and making judgments about their character for engaging in behavior that's the norm for their generation.

She didn't say she thinks these girls are bad, she just was shocked and somewhat disgusted with how kids these days spend their time.She has a valid point. Studies show that technology is negativey affecting social skills. OP, I 100% agree with you. I have teenage nieces that can't even interact with people because for the past 5 or so years, they have been buried in their phones/iPods at every.single family gathering. I have seen it firsthand. My husband and I both are appalled at what socialization has come to. It's sad.

[Joanne]

She didn't say she thinks these girls are bad, she just was shocked and somewhat disgusted with how kids these days spend their time.She has a valid point. Studies show that technology is negativey affecting social skills. OP, I 100% agree with you. I have teenage nieces that can't even interact with people because for the past 5 or so years, they have been buried in their phones/iPods at every.single family gathering. I have seen it firsthand. My husband and I both are appalled at what socialization has come to. It's sad.

I am all about clinical research and evidence based decisions. Can you show me that research?

[MysteryJen]

I would like to see that too. Because I don't see that in my life.  I just got back from a swim team party, and yes, everyone had phones (except me, who forgot it at home), but no one was texting while having conversations, the teens were having a great time with each other and taking photos, etc. Only one girl had her phone in her hand all the time (about 13), but she was having fun with everyone.

 

It was a great party, surely documented on Instagram, but all I could see was normal, healthy social interaction.  Which I think is actually the norm.

[Murphy101]

I agree. I think the key is that excessive use of technology negatively affects people. I *think* I read some stuff about excessive use of it! but not the use at all.

[poppy]

You know why I wouldn't be ok with saying to my kids 'just use the adult's cellphone'? Because I have seen how many people use their phones in the public restrooms! Which means who knows how many more do it at home. Even without toilet issues, a cell phone is a pretty intimate device. Frequently handled, never washed. I read somewhere the tv remote is the dirtiest thing in a hotel room... anyway I do think borrowing a cell is somewhat different than the old days of using the house phone.

[LibraryLover]

 

 

Lots of folks have no self-control/are selfish.

 

A bunch of teens using their technology together after a long party seems perfectly fine to me. It's something they do together, and not rude. Using your technology during a live performance is rude.

 

If someone took my child's phone during a sleepover, I would be extremely upset and distrustful. One of the main reasons my child has a phone is so I can be contacted. I would be uncomfortable with a parent taking my child's phone. I would be ok with a trusted person asking that iPads not be brought, but do not take my child's phone.

[J-rap]

If the girls were actively participating in the planned events for the majority of the evening, and not glued to their screens until later when they were tired and just relaxing before bed (during "down time"), I wouldn't have a problem with that.  It's just the nature of the times we live in.  I do think the whole technology thing is so new, though, that we haven't quite figured out how to best control it, and I do think it gets out-of-hand sometimes. 

 

Once a friend of mine and our two daughters went out for dinner, and my friend's daughter kept mentally leaving the conversation because she was so busy texting.  Now I think that was very rude, and the mother was clearly embarrassed but just didn't yet have a handle on how to control it.  It's a strange deal, with the long-term effects still playing out, I think.  I have friends who are university professors who comment on how different it is when walking through the hallways at school.  Instead of students looking around and having conversations as they walk through the halls between classes, they are glued to their phones as they walk and the halls are quiet.  How this affects our society down the road, I don't know.

 

I love technology and its benefits are amazing, but it's still a puzzle to me how to balance it all.

[Mom0012]

One could always turn off the wieless router, but I realize many tablets now have cellular connections.

Yes, this was my issue at my dd's last bday party. I can turn off my router, but I can't turn off someone's cell service. This is the first time some of the girls had cell phones. Am I supposed to accept responsibility when someone's child takes a picture of another child going to the bathroom or changing or sleeping and posts it on the internet? It seems like in such a short time, we've gone from "keep the computer in a central location in the house" to "I will call the police if you ask my child to put their phone in a basket in your kitchen".

[Mom0012]

Not every kid is comfortable speaking up to the adult in charge in such a way. My kids probably wouldn't be, unless I had specifically coached them . . . which I wouldn't have, before this thread, because it would have never occurred to me that the hosting parent would ask them to leave their phone on the counter. If a parent did ask this, I wouldn't be happy, because the point of my kids going somewhere with a cell phone is so they can call or text ON THEIR OWN if a situation is making them uneasy.

 

I also agree with the posters who said it's not safe or secure to do this - it makes it much easier for phones to be stolen, for someone to read private messages, or for someone to gak Facebook or Instagram. Of course we never want to think the kids we know would do such things, but it happens. Lots of teens would think it was a funny prank to post something embarrassing as their friend's status, and they wouldn't think through the possible consequences.

 

Why not simply ask all of them to do what you comfortably agree is not a problem - keep the phone in their pocket and not text other friends? If that's okay for some of them, it should be okay for all.

Yes, but your comment about "what a lot of teens would think is a funny prank" is exactly why I don't want tweens/young teens to have a phone in my home during a sleepover. Just curious who you would feel was responsible if another kid took a picture of your child changing and posted it on the internet while they were at someone else's house? The child with the phone or the person in charge of the party?

[Mom0012]

I was an usher at a 'cultural event' today (held in a lovely theater). I had to ask two women to shut off their phones (both texting) during the performance. One was around 65 (?), and one was about 75 (?). I may have their ages wrong, as this was a mostly wealthy crowd, and 'work' might have been involved. All I know is that they did look old/older, but were well- dressed with blow outs, jewelry, good shoes and bags. ;) I did see a young-ish woman of about 26/32 (?) snap a non-flash pic. I let her go, since it was a one time split -second deal. The rest of the folks (including many young people) were well behaved. ;)

 

Lots of folks have no self-control/are selfish. (The younger woman was taking a pic of a kid, which is not the same as sitting in a dark theater texting, although still annoying.)

 

A bunch of teens using their technology together after a long party seems perfectly fine to me. It's something they do together, and not rude. Using your technology during a live performance is rude.

 

If someone took my child's phone during a sleepover, I would be extremely upset and distrustful. One of the main reasons my child has a phone is so I can be contacted. I would be uncomfortable with a parent taking my child's phone. I would be ok with a trusted person asking that iPads not be brought, but do not take my child's phone.

So does your child just have a regular phone vs. an iPhone? I would have no problem at all with a child having a regular phone at a sleepover. It's the unlimited internet access that concerns me.

[bettyandbob]

If it can be avoided I do not think my dd should have to be in the position of having to ask someone else to use a phone, especially when she feels uncomfortable. Yes, I know the parents of her friends. But how well do I really know them. Lots of people give lip service to "I monitor my dc's parties" and don't do it. I won't find out until dd reports to me that something made her uncomfortable. If something makes her uncomfortable enough to want to call I do not want another barrier, like having to ask in her way.

 

I understand there may be places she visits which have no cell service. If she wants to go and I have vetted the situation then I will go and just have to trust everything will be fine. But if cell is available , i do not want that extra safety net taken away from her.

 

At my dd's 16th party one girl was invited whose parents did not know us. Her father made an appointment with me and visited my home before the party. He asked questioned we chatted, he looked at the basement (where the sleepover was), he left. He let his dd come, but did he really know me? He certainly gave me the message that he was a involved parent and he had expectations for the event,but he didn't know me.

 

My friend thought she knew the parents of dc who were in the activity as her ds for years. Her ds just graduated from college, but now she's gearing from her ds and ds's friends that this one set of parents were the major suppliers of drugs and alcohol to the group of friends. She thought she knew these people, she really thought she knew them. She's angry now, because she's just finding out. She's also lucky. Her ds does not have a drug problem. There were a few kids in her ds's group who did develop drug problems, but no one traced the drugs to this family she thought she knew. Now, the kids are adults and are talking about it.

 

I try to get to know the parents of friends. But honestly, no way can I KNOW them. Shoot, my brother does stuff that surprises me with his kids and I think I can say I know him. There's a point where I need to let my dd have some social independence and I just have to trust. I want her to have her cell phone as back up when I'm home just trusting.

[stripe]

You know why I wouldn't be ok with saying to my kids 'just use the adult's cellphone'? Because I have seen how many people use their phones in the public restrooms! Which means who knows how many more do it at home. Even without toilet issues, a cell phone is a pretty intimate device. Frequently handled, never washed. I read somewhere the tv remote is the dirtiest thing in a hotel room... anyway I do think borrowing a cell is somewhat different than the old days of using the house phone.

Although I have seen tons of cleaning suggestions that the (landline) phone is dirty too and you should wipe it down with some germ-busting solution or use an antibacterial wipe. Maybe this problem began with cordless phones, because one could walk away from the little phone cubicle or other assigned stationary location for phone conversations, although, really, any phone gets skanky if you touch it with filthy hands. Which is the problem with the keyboards of desktop computers too.

 

Yuck.

[Wheres Toto]

The cell phones and other electronics complicate teen parties/get-togethers in several ways in my experience:

 

1)  As the parent hosting a party, I am uncomfortable that another teen might bring an electronic device with movies and other material that I do not think is appropriate.  There are certain movies, for example, I would not allow to be viewed during a teen party at my house.  However, I don't know for sure what is being viewed when other kids can easily bring movies, etc.

 

2)  I was at a youth retreat where the girls were in one cabin and the boys in another.  We found that the phones were being used to text between girls and boys when the adults went to sleep and to arrange unsupervised meeting places.  Yes, teens have been sneaking out for years, but the technology adds an entirely new dimension.

 

3) DD had a slumber party a few years ago.  About midnight I thought I heard the front door shut.  I went to check.  Something had come up with Molly's family and her mother came to pick her up.  She texted Molly when she arrived and Molly left--Molly's parents never talked to me.  They felt they were safe because they had direct contact with their daughter.  What they didn't realize was that it could have been Molly's boyfriend texting her that he was outside and she left with him and as the host parents we would have known nothing different.

 

#1 - Back before electronics, they would just sneak in a magazine or book if they wanted to share inappropriate material (passing around a dog eared copy of that racy Judy Blume - can't think of the name).  If a parent is keeping an eye on what they're doing, this can be minimized but it's been happening for a long, long time.

 

#2 - Nothing new here either.  Yes, electronics might make it a little easier but it might actually make it safer by making it easier to get help if things get creepy.  Or if they plan a meet but one can't get away after all.  Easier to call the whole thing off (chicken out).

 

#3 - That was rude but didn't Molly tell your daughter what was happening?  I'm assuming she didn't just get up and leave without even telling her friends what happened?  Maybe they didn't want to wake you and knew your dd would tell you in the morning? 

 

My oldest has had a cell phone since she was relatively young since I wanted her to be able to reach me when she was at her dad's, without having to ask her dad to use the house phone (and stand where he could listen in).  There have been a few instances (someone stole her phone and texted nasty messages like they were from her, someone used her chip and rang up some charges).  They were a pain at the time but they taught her a lesson about trusting "friends" and keeping track of her phone better.

[Murphy101]

Yes, this was my issue at my dd's last bday party. I can turn off my router, but I can't turn off someone's cell service. This is the first time some of the girls had cell phones. Am I supposed to accept responsibility when someone's child takes a picture of another child going to the bathroom or changing or sleeping and posts it on the internet? It seems like in such a short time, we've gone from "keep the computer in a central location in the house" to "I will call the police if you ask my child to put their phone in a basket in your kitchen".

No. You don't accept responsibly for that. Idk if I would call the police or not. I think it would depend entirely on the situation and how I and my dc felt about it.

 

Kids have been taking pictures like that since the camera. Granted phones make it easier bc they are usually quieter and the range of exposure to the world is instant, but it isn't anything new. No, I'd blame the kid and I'd take them to court as far as I could bc just like back in the day, it was malicious then and it is now.

 

Aside from all that. Why the heck are they in the bathroom together or undressing together? That possibility is easily resolved.

 

Sleeping? Meh. Like not naked and just laying in their sleeping bag? Big whoop. *shrug*

[stripe]

Aside from all that. Why the heck are they in the bathroom together or undressing together? That possibility is easily resolved.

I had the same thought. 

[JuanitaL]

#1 - Back before electronics, they would just sneak in a magazine or book if they wanted to share inappropriate material (passing around a dog eared copy of that racy Judy Blume - can't think of the name). 

 

We passed around a Judy Blume book at our science counter in 7th grade during class - I think it was Wifey (Something like that). I'm pretty sure we only read the really interesting pages.

[Cera]

At my fourth graders sleepover this year there were two girls (also fourth grade) sitting in her closet facetiming with other people.  I had to confiscate devices and deal with the complaining (though no one wanted to go home when they realized that was the other option).

[StaceyinLA]

This made me cry!

It made me cry too!

[katilac]

Yes, but your comment about "what a lot of teens would think is a funny prank" is exactly why I don't want tweens/young teens to have a phone in my home during a sleepover. Just curious who you would feel was responsible if another kid took a picture of your child changing and posted it on the internet while they were at someone else's house? The child with the phone or the person in charge of the party?

 

The child with the phone. 

 

I can't imagine blaming the person in charge of the party. Phones are everywhere, and a slumber party is hardly the only place someone could choose to take an inappropriate photo. Think changing rooms in the mall, getting ready for a dance, locker room at the swimming pool, and so on. 

 

I also don't think most girls at a slumber party are changing in the same room at the same time. They just take turns in the bedroom and bathroom. 

[LMV]

My kid would put it in his/her pocket and if that wasn't good enough, s/he would be calling me to pick him up. Because that's what I have told them I expect. (Mom trumps all others. ;) ) Leaving it out on the kitchen counter would not be acceptable here bc our house rule is that it should be on their person. That way there's never any question that someone else did something to their phone. The only time this was a problem the adult making the demand was saying it was his way of being sure nothing inappropriate was going on. Oddly enough, he took offense at my stance that my son keeping his phone on his person implied we didn't trust him. Humph. We trusted him about as much as he trusted us was my response, tho I tried for a light hearted tone.

 

Our fourteen year old daughter actually did this when she was eleven.  At the time she wasn't a kid who was always glued to her phone but it really was a security device for her and she just wasn't comfortable. The hosting mother was "absolutely appalled" but at the time our daughter feeling safe trumped that without question.  

[Murphy101]

I know. The guy was saying he was insulted we didn't seem to trust him in the same breath he was stating he didn't trust my kid to properly use their own phone. *confused/annoyed*

 

Yeah. No, thanks.