HappyLady Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Do you anyway? My DH and I are going to a party given by a couple we've only met IRL once. We know them through a couple Facebook groups we're in. It's essentially a holiday party for the people in those groups. They said not to bring anything except for what you want to drink. We're not used to not bringing anything to a party so we feel weird about showing up empty handed. What do you normally do in instances like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 If they drink, a bottle of wine would be kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Follow the hosts' wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 My SIL frequently tells people not to bring stuff to her parties. She really means it. If someone does bring something it annoys her. She has a 'flow' for her parties planned and people bringing stuff interrupts that. So, don't bring anything. Or, if you like, bring some flowers for the hosts etc, but don't be surprised if there is no room for them. Sometimes people say not to bring anything due to food restrictions (vegan, nut allergies, kosher, celiac etc) so if you do bring something, don't bring food. But, mostly I don't when instructed not to. I take people at their word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I'd bring flowers or a bottle of wine. I really dislike it when people bring food to an event when they're asked not to. I like to plan everything ahead to time, coordinating foods, deciding on serving dishes, determining spacing for a buffet table, etc. Then I feel like I need to squish something in that doesn't really "fit." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Bring what you want to drink, but enough so they have the leftovers. So if you will drink a bottle of wine between you, bring two. If you will drink fancy liquor, bring more than you'll drink. Ditto for something like apple cider or soda or water bottles.You may also want to ask again, saying something specific - "I can bring X if you like" - tray of brownies, cheese and crackers, whatever - a dessert or appetizers are probably best as they won't have to fit with the meal. They may be more likely to say yes to a specific item rather than a general offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I'd bring flowers/plant or a bottle of wine. I really don't like it when people bring food, if I said no food. But a little hostess gift is very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 If you know the person, I think you can gauge it, but not knowing them well, their stated wishes. Though the idea of flowers or a small hostess gift seems okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 They said not to bring anything except for what you want to drink. We're not used to not bringing anything to a party so we feel weird about showing up empty handed. You won't be empty handed since you would be bringing a drink. A lot of the parties we went to, the host has catered more food than needed and drinks are the hardest to cater for. Guests had just brought cans of beer and soda for the adults and fruit juice for the kids. Some guests have brought watermelons though because adults and kids would easily finish those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I'd likely bring a small box of nice chocolates or an ornament for the tree. Definitely a token, but still something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemongoose Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 We ask that sometimes because we have very serious nut and cranberry allergies in our home. I dont expect everyone to give the kind of attention our restrictions require and honestly I know some will just not get it. It is easier for everyone if I just do the food. So yeah, if I say please dont bring anything, I truly mean it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I dislike it when people bring food to parties and I had already told them not to. I like to cook for my guests and I have a "theme" and make sure that everything goes well together. I have friends who are like me and tell me to "just show up". In those cases, I take flowers and a box of very good chocolates (Ghirardelli or Godiva) for the hostess - these will not upset her arrangements. I mostly found that the flowers were very appreciated. In your case, bring whatever you would like to drink in addition because the hostess said so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 for people who say bring flowers - then the hostess has to stop what she's doing to go take care of them and get them in a vase. it's as disruptive as if you'd brought a food item that needed to be put out right then. if you really have to bring something, bring something boxed that can be quickly set aside and enjoyed by the hosts later, after the party is over and at their convenience. either food or some hostess gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 for people who say bring flowers - then the hostess has to stop what she's doing to go take care of them and get them in a vase. it's as disruptive as if you'd brought a food item that needed to be put out right then. if you really have to bring something, bring something boxed that can be quickly set aside and enjoyed by the hosts later, after the party is over and at their convenience. either food or some hostess gift. Not unless you bring them in a vase ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saraswati Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 A nice hostess gift would be nice, to say thank you for the invite. We have a cute little shop in town that sells specialty olive oils and balsamic vinegars - I like to stop there and get some mini bottles and wrap them up in a pretty baggie for a nice gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Yes! We host a lot of parties. If I say please don't bring anything for the party, I mean it. And, I totally agree with Kristen - don't bring flowers that she'll have to put in a vase right when you arrive. But, I really appreciate a small gift. Last year a few people brought Christmas themed serving trays wrapped nicely. Or, a homemade gift for me to enjoy after the party. Wine is always appropriate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Bring what you would like to drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 If the host says to not bring anything.....please don't. If they were indifferent, they would have said so. I wouldn't go against a request that specifically said to not bring anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I suggest bringing wine (because it looks fancy... although I'd wish I brought beer) and a box of chocolates. If it was family gathering for holiday or backyard BBQ I would bring food and beer :ohmy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 No, you don't bring whatever anyway. Bring a drink, a hostess gift and have a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I would bring whatever I wanted to drink, plus some to share. We aren't really wine drinkers, but DH enjoys craft beer, so he'd probably bring a couple of bottles for him and several more to share with anyone who would like some. Not being much of an alcohol drinker, I might bring some nice root beer from a local place that makes their own. But otherwise, no, I wouldn't bring something if a host specifically said not to. ETA: re hostess gift -- I suppose it would depend on the situation. If it were say, SIL hosting the annual get-together, where we all rotate around, then I probably wouldn't bring a specific hostess gift, because the assumption would be that I'd be taking my turn hosting sometime in the near future. Or for friends that we know very well, I'd probably just stick to drinks, and in either case, I'd offer to clean up or serve or whatever else I could do to help. For the OP's situation, a small treat for the hostess to enjoy later does sound like a nice gesture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 A couple of years ago we had Thanksgiving at our house with my dh's family. We had extended family that I only met once or twice invite themselves, we had people bring stuff that I wasn't aware of and my MIL was supposed to bring just green beans, but she brought at least 2 other things. The whole thing in a lot of ways was pretty annoying and I was so tired and didn't' get to really enjoy my day with my dd and dh. We decided then and there we were done hosting holiday meals. By the way I enjoy hosting for friends and we had done that many times without a problem. Please don't take food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I bring a gift for the hosts - a bottle of wine, chocolates, perhaps flowers if it's not an occasion where she'd feel compelled to display them and mess up her well planned tablescape. I hand them over with thanks and a whisper if thanks for her/their preparations to host us and it is to be enjoyed by her/them later, in peace! Eta - when I tell folks not to bring something, it's because I truly do not want them to bring something. I have planned a coordinated menu AND I want them to truly just be my guest. It's not always a host table - when it's potluck or planned shared dining, I make that clear up front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 You aren't going empty-handed; you were asked to bring something to drink. I also agree that you shouldn't take food if you have been asked not to. It does mess things up for the hostess. Still wondering why some people brought stuffed grape leaves to a Mexican fiesta I gave once. A small hostess gift is nice. I agree about flowers - bring them in a vase. I've enjoyed small seasonal living plants as hostess gifts too. No scented candles! Wine if you know they drink it, and don't expect them to open it then. Chocolates or other treats in a sealed box so they know exactly what's in them in case of allergies or so they can regift if they don't eat that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 If told not to bring food, do not bring food. Bring the drink and a hostess gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Do you anyway? My DH and I are going to a party given by a couple we've only met IRL once. We know them through a couple Facebook groups we're in. It's essentially a holiday party for the people in those groups. They said not to bring anything except for what you want to drink. We're not used to not bringing anything to a party so we feel weird about showing up empty handed. What do you normally do in instances like this? If the host says not to bring anything, then I don't bring anything. When I invite people to my home for the first time, they are guests, and I don't want them to bring anything (unless I'm doing a potluck with a bunch of friends). Perhaps these people feel the same way: that they want their guests to be, well, guests. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 A nice thank you note after the party Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 It is rude to disregard the host's wishes re: food. Bring a drink. Hostess gift completely optional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 You're not going empty handed, you're bringing a drink! I'd also bring a small hostess gift if it's not a relative or close friend (who'd be getting a holiday gift privately). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I would still bring a hostess gift-bottle of wine, a poinsettia, a nice box of chocolates, a candle, something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Wine, beer, cider (alcoholic or non-alcoholic depending on your preferences), etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classic Mom Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Please listen and don't bring food. I always ask this for food allergy reasons. If you do bring food one of 2 things happens: 1. I see it right away, explain quickly that we can't service it, and immediately put it out of sight (usually in the garage). Then after the party, I offer to return it you to take home. (If you insist that I keep it, I throw it away after you leave- sorry, but I do.) 2. If I don't spot it right away, and it gets opened..it ruins my night. I spend the rest of the night trying to figure out what it touched, what other food it came in contact with, what little kids have it all over their hands, etc. and trying to clean up all traces of it. I also quietly tell my daughter that she now can't eat any of the special party food, because we don't know what is safe anymore. After the party is over, I spend many extra hours cleaning to be sure my daughter doesn't end up sick. You can bring flowers, a bottle of wine, a Christmas ornament, etc. if you have to walk in with something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 A nice thank you note after the party And an invitation to *your* home for dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Don't bring me flowers. I hate flowers. Anyhow, yeah just bring beverages like they asked. Maybe bring extra beverages. Glad I'm not the only one that hates flowers!! Bring an extra bottle of wine and a hostess gift. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Yeah and that. And while a plant seems better in theory, I kill plants. Really, you don't want to give me a plant. Well, unless you are looking to get rid of a plant that you wish would just die. I can help with that problem. I've gotten lots of little plants as hostess gifts. One year someone brought a little nursery pot of primroses. It sat in my window till they died. I liked it! I didn't feel any obligation to keep it alive. But I enjoyed it for a couple of months. So, similar to cut flowers in that way - temporary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Please don't bring flowers to my house! I love the thought and I love flowers, but my cats can and will knock over even the heaviest vase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Bring a hostess gift, but not something to be shared for the meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Please don't bring flowers to my house! I love the thought and I love flowers, but my cats can and will knock over even the heaviest vase. And eat them and leave little barfy piles alllll over the house! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Yeah and that. And while a plant seems better in theory, I kill plants. Really, you don't want to give me a plant. Well, unless you are looking to get rid of a plant that you wish would just die. I can help with that problem. If someone gives me a plant, my family starts taking bets on how long it will take before I kill it. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 Count me in on the no-flowers club. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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