At an evening dinner party in your social circle, would you expect there to be alcohol?

[Sun]

I've found the two alcohol threads recently fascinating. As I've read through them, it's become clear to me that our experiences and expectations around alcohol consumption vary drastically for many reasons.

 

It's a poll because polls are fun. :coolgleamA:

[Carrie12345]

Other, b/c there was nothing between "A few will get quite drunk" and "Not to the point of being drunk." Because I'm not sure how "drunk" is being defined. I'd like a "Not car key worthy, but no risk of strip poker" option, please!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Evening dinner parties?  Social circle?  Am I supposed to have those?   :lol:

 

Actually, I do get invited to some.  It seems to be half and half, I think.  I don't really notice alcohol even if it is served.  

[momma2three]

Does it count if it's always the same person who gets that tipsy?  She's a total lightweight, and we all gently mock her for it.

[Sun]

Other, b/c there was nothing between "A few will get quite drunk" and "Not to the point of being drunk." Because I'm not sure how "drunk" is being defined. I'd like a "Not car key worthy, but no risk of strip poker" option, please!

 

Your wish is my command. The poll has been edited. :001_tt2:

[Mrs Mungo]

I voted for options 4 and 5 in the second part because it really depends on the type of event. As another note, there are always a number of people serving as designated drivers and people who don't drink. It's not a big deal, either way, in my circles. I don't really see people pressured to drink (or not).

[Ipsey]

When my husband and I were Evangelical (me a headcovering, dress-wearing one--to piggy-back off the other thread), I  never drank because I hate the taste. My husband drank a beer 3 or 4 beers a month. Only one at a time, with dinner.  Most large dinner parties with other believers did not have alcohol because as Evangelicals, even those of us who did drink, we were encouraged to abstain in case anyone else had a "weakness" to alcohol and it was the Christ-like thing to do to go without a temptation to other people.

 

We had one pair-couple who were Evangelicals, and who both enjoyed beer. Whenever we got together, there was always beer. I never drank but everyone else did. Only if there was an understanding between all people/parties, was their alcohol at gatherings.

 

Now, we are non-believers. We have almost no religious friends where we live. All gatherings have alcohol. A friend of mine had a birthday party for her 7-year-old son at a large venue. Parents were encouraged to stay and have dinner and play with the kids. They had microbrews and hard cider and soda for the adults to drink. I have to admit I was kind of surprised--but only for about a minute. Then, my friend and I shared a (doux) hard-cider--because I do like hard cider--but being as that I don't drink, I'm a lightweight, even for cidre doux.

 

Anyway, I expect that any get together will have alcohol, but that I generally won't drink.

 

Tomorrow night, our book group gets together at my house. Our motto? "Drink, Swear, Read."  There is always wine! Even though I won't drink it. :)

 

Neither my husband's nor my drinking habits have changed with our change of religious belief.

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't really see people pressured to drink (or not).

The only place I was ever pressured to drink was back in the day when I worked, at after-work parties.  When I finally was forced to say that I didn't drink because of a problem with alcohol (after trying to politely decline multiple times) the person said loudly (so that everyone in the big room turned around to look, "You mean  you're an alcoholic?"  I wanted to kick him but it was my boss.  

[Dandelion]

Dinner parties in my circle always include alcohol.  Brunch parties in my circle include champagne, mimosas, or bellinis.  Day-time BBQs include beer.

 

And yet, no one gets drunk.  Go figure.   ;)

[Danestress]

I can't imagine a dinner party without alcohol. Never happens.

 

But I couldn't vote because I can't answer the second part. Rarely does anyone seem quite drunk to me, but what is quite drunk to me might be moderate to you. And that is really just how someone seems. I am not sure I reliably know how much someone has drunk.

[JustEm]

I put other because I have many social circles and it different for all of them. With family alcohol is a given most have one drink at least, some have many, no one gets drunk unless its a celebration like a wedding or a holiday.  Then there is mine and dh's friends who we hang out with on Friday or Saturday nights to play board games. Usually only adults present after kids are in bed and much drinking is done.  Most drink too much to drive but there is always one dd per car.  We always host so we don't have to worry about that or find babysitters.  Then their are our friends who we hang out with mainly during day functions/events but sometimes night event.  They don't drink if their children are around, which they are at events like this.  So its expected that alcohol will not be their.  If we were to ever invite them to our house they would know we'd probably have alcohol but out of respect we would not drink while their children were present but our other guests probably would.

[Amira]

If I'm with Mormon friends, there's no alcohol. If I'm with friends from work or the neighborhood, there will be alcohol. I don't think I've ever noticed how many people are drinking and how much when we're at a party where alcohol is served. I've never been pressured to drink when we're in the US or with Americans.

[mytwomonkeys]

i answered usually no, sometimes yes.

 

where i live currently there would never be alcohol. never ever.

 

if i go home to atlanta, my family will always have alcohol. always. always.

 

my friends in atlanta that i've known all my life will always have alcohol too.  

 

it would be shocking if alcohol was present here.  it would be equally shocking if alcohol was not present there. :)

[regentrude]

In my circle of friends, wine with dinner parties is the norm. One of our friends is a wine collector, so often a really good wine would be served.

I have NEVER seen anybody get drunk on any of those occasions. Never. Not even tipsy to the point of talking nonsense or being impaired.

[Carrie12345]

Your wish is my command. The poll has been edited. :001_tt2:

Much appreciated! :-)

Maybe I should point out that I come from a family of bar owners/bartenders. I'm pretty much the only person in 3 generations who doesn't know how to properly mix a drink. I know how to make a bay breeze the way I like it, and that's all that really matters!

[Farrar]

Alcohol is so normal in my experience...  If it weren't for the fact that I have relatives in a much more conservative area who say things like, "He drinks!" with shock in their voice about people, as if having a beer in the evening after work is a huge problem in and of itself, then I would have been much more surprised by that last thread on this topic.  It's generally everything I can do not to laugh at comments like that.  But it's really a cultural divide, not a joke at all.

[Janie Grace]

In my circle of friends, wine with dinner parties is the norm. 

 

I have NEVER seen anybody get drunk on any of those occasions. Never. Not even tipsy to the point of talking nonsense or being impaired.

Yup, this. People get "happy" -- more animated that usual, maybe. But no nonsense, no impairment. But yes -- there is always alcohol.

 

I'm an evangelical Christian, FWIW.

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, unless the host family abstains from alcohol for religious reasons or having a recovering alcoholic. I would say that in general most guests have 1-2 drinks while a few may get tipsy.

 

Unless it's an event hosted by one of my IL's or their friends. In which case it's a frat party atmosphere, ugh.

[mamatohaleybug]

No alcohol ever served. I'm LDS and most of my social circle is, too. We don't drink alcohol.

 

I certainly attend functions with alcohol but I never notice other people's drinking habits.

[mytwomonkeys]

Alcohol is so normal in my experience...  If it weren't for the fact that I have relatives in a much more conservative area who say things like, "He drinks!" with shock in their voice about people, as if having a beer in the evening after work is a huge problem in and of itself, then I would have been much more surprised by that last thread on this topic.  It's generally everything I can do not to laugh at comments like that.  But it's really a cultural divide, not a joke at all.

 

 

my sister was here visiting over the summer. she went to buy a bottle of wine at my grocery store and couldn't find any. she could find beer, but no wine -- so she asked the clerk, "where is your wine?"  the clerk replied with a shocked look, "oh. ma'am. this is a family store. you will need to go to the liquor store for that".  she had to drive to the liquor store (smaller than a garage with bars on the windows, lol).  my sister felt like she was in the twilight zone :lol: we had a good laugh!

[Dandelion]

my sister was here visiting over the summer. she went to buy a bottle of wine at my grocery store and couldn't find any. she could find beer, but no wine -- so she asked the clerk, "where is your wine?"  the clerk replied with a shocked look, "oh. ma'am. this is a family store. you will need to go to the liquor store for that".  she had to drive to the liquor store (smaller than a garage with bars on the windows, lol).  my sister felt like she was in the twilight zone :lol: we had a good laugh!

 

That was an adjustment for me too when I moved from Oregon to Colorado.  I miss being able to buy wine at the grocery store.  

[redsquirrel]

I voted that alcohol is almost always around, but I don't see a category that would apply to my experience. People have one drink and that is it. I wouldn't even consider that 'tipsy'. If someone has one glass of wine over the course of a several hour party or has two drinks over three or four hours I don't think I would even notice they had alcohol.

[Mrs Mungo]

Yup, this. People get "happy" -- more animated that usual, maybe. But no nonsense, no impairment. But yes -- there is always alcohol.

 

I consider happy/more animated to be tipsy. But, people in our circles *tend* to be more conservative/reserved than the norm, so it is noticeable.

[mytwomonkeys]

That was an adjustment for me too when I moved from Oregon to Colorado.  I miss being able to buy wine at the grocery store.  

 

I live in FL, so it isn't a state thing (but maybe a county thing - I don't know??). Whenever she visits now, she calls it "the family store".  She said she felt like she was trying to buy 200 proof liquor & was chastised, lol.

[sassenach]

I live in FL, so it isn't a state thing (but maybe a county thing - I don't know??). Whenever she visits now, she calls it "the family store". She said she felt like she was trying to buy 200 proof liquor & was chastised, lol.

But FL does have some state things around alcohol sales (at least when I lived there)- no alcohol is sold on Sundays, and no liquor is sold in the grocery stores.

 

I live in wine country, so wine with dinner is incredibly normal. In my circle of friends, no one gets at all tipsy. In the greater circle of our neighborhood, drinking to excess is an epidemic. We don't attend any of our kids' sports fundraising dinners because they're as bad as than frat parties. You know it's a problem when a parent gets a special thank you at the award banquet for making the Jell-O shots. I wish I was kidding.

[DawnM]

Hmmmmm.......I have some varied groups.

 

Church group activities- no alcohol

Homeschool Moms' Nights- if we go out to eat, there have been some to get a glass of wine on occasion

My friends from high school- occasional glass of wine, not always and not necessary

Missionary Group- no alcohol ever

Friends over for dinner- no alcohol unless they bring it.  I don't keep it in the house

Extended Family- no alcohol

[Jenny in Florida]

I d to go with "Other" for the first part, because, honestly, I never think about whether there will be alcohol. I don't drink, mostly because I don't like the flavor or the way it makes me feel. So, the question of whether I'll be able to get a drink never reaches my radar.

 

There are certain groups of people whom I know from experience are likely to indulge too much, and those are parties I generally avoid.

[LucyStoner]

I voted usually yes but sometimes no.  Generally someone will bring something they made themselves and someone else will bring something they bought.  

 

On the second question I voted other.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen any of my friends more than slightly tipsy.  Some people drink a little (1-3 drinks, 3 being uncommon).  Some people just sample/taste.  Some people drink nothing.  It is all fine.  I would say that we see different groups of friends for dinner or brunch 3-5 times a month.  Nearly always this is a casual situation with kids underfoot.  

[mytwomonkeys]

But FL does have some state things around alcohol sales (at least when I lived there)- no alcohol is sold on Sundays, and no liquor is sold in the grocery stores.

 

i knew about sundays -- georgia is the same way.  panama city beach sells wine in their grocery stores though & that's just an hour away. my sister has a beach house at rosemary & buys it from publix all of the time when they're down. but i don't consider wine liquor anyway -- so it must just be a preference thing here. i have no idea! :)

[FaithManor]

Our social circle includes mostly teetotalers and dry moderate drinkers. Many of our friends had parents

or close relatives with alcohol problems so they are of the occasional glass of wine at dinner or a Sunday afternooon beerwhile watching a game and whoever was going to drive that day would not have a drop. Its

just how they roll due to their experiences.

 

Dh and I are extremely moderate. Dh has glass of wine before bed about three times per week. I am not

a wine drinker...I do like an occasional Mike's hard lemonade or a VERY occasional rum and coke. But

I'm really carefulajout it because my uncle drank heavily and beathis wife and sons numerousntimes until

my dad kicked his can so bad onenight for hitting her that he was afraid to ever hit them again. It

made me think about being really cautious since I don't know what my own genetic predispositions are or

that of my sons. Dh's family goes back many generations without a single instance of alcoholism so they

have w wonderful combo of good genes and good choices. They are a ""wine or champagne on the holidays "

and occasionally with a meal type family.

 

I do use hot toddies (mild) whenwe are sick and this is the only cure that has ever worked for my annual

autumnn case of laryngitis.

 

If we get a really gold bottle of wine and have 5 other couples over for dinner, it will last the

entire evening and may even have a little left.

 

Faith

[8circles]

I voted other / most won't drink. other because it totally depends on which social circle - my homeschooling mom circle would definitely be dry but anyone else drinks would at least be considered.

 

overall, I find that most people won't drink at all in any circle I'm in. but not always the same people do or don't. it is rare that someone would have too much.

[sassenach]

i knew about sundays -- georgia is the same way.  panama city beach sells wine in their grocery stores though & that's just an hour away. my sister has a beach house at rosemary & buys it from publix all of the time when they're down. but i don't consider wine liquor anyway -- so it must just be a preference thing here. i have no idea! :)

Neither do I (consider wine to be liquor).  I just couldn't remember because we weren't really wine drinkers when we lived there.  Here in California, you can buy hard liquor in the grocery stores along with everything else.  Even on Sundays :-).

[sassenach]

I voted other / most won't drink. other because it totally depends on which social circle - my homeschooling mom circle would definitely be dry but anyone else drinks would at least be considered.

 

overall, I find that most people won't drink at all in any circle I'm in. but not always the same people do or don't. it is rare that someone would have too much.

LOL, I've seen lots of drinking at homeschool mom events.  Even when we lived in Florida (as compared to California), the mom Christmas party had all sorts of wine and mixed drinks.  I was totally surprised by that.  I liked seeing everyone relax a little.

[readwithem]

my sister was here visiting over the summer. she went to buy a bottle of wine at my grocery store and couldn't find any. she could find beer, but no wine -- so she asked the clerk, "where is your wine?"  the clerk replied with a shocked look, "oh. ma'am. this is a family store. you will need to go to the liquor store for that".  she had to drive to the liquor store (smaller than a garage with bars on the windows, lol).  my sister felt like she was in the twilight zone :lol: we had a good laugh!

 

 

We were surprised that Norway is that way - the liquor store is in the mall!  So we drove to the mall, only to discover that it closes at 4pm every day!  Crazy.  It did feel a bit like the Twilight Zone ;)

[Forget-Me-Not]

Most of my social circle is LDS, so no alcohol. Occasionally we socialize with non-LDS extended family where people might have a glass of wine or a beer. Nobody gets tipsy or drunk.

[readwithem]

I guess we have several "social circles" - work, church, neighborhood - more often than not, wine is included with dinner but not always.  I've never seen anybody get close to tipsy at any of them.  There is NO pressure to drink, and water and soft drinks are always on offer.

[LostSurprise]

Most drinking is unusual in our social circle, but it does happen occasionally. Many of the people fall under the label of liberal evangelical (with small children). I know many of them will have a drink occasionally, and I can imagine it may increase in the group as the children get older, but right now it's kind of a specialty area (guys stop over for a special beer one-time thing or a woman has a big girl's night and wants that to be a part of it). We also have a circle of conservative friends where there will never be drinking. Ever. But they're not weird about it. No one in any of these circles has the expectation that any interaction needs alcohol. In fact, if there is alcohol it will be a special part of whatever is planned, not as a general social lubricant. 

 

The families are mostly dry. My sister will have alcohol and poker with the kids at a sitter. It's fun. Everyone else is a tee-totaler or a very conservative drinker for religious or genetic reasons. 

 

I know that a lot of people feel like alcohol at an event is a very normal thing, but it can create an odd, alcohol-dependent dynamic to a disparate group. We've had a difficult time at dh's work parties. It's really dull to watch people drink and talk about all the other times they got together and drank (or got drunk). We could not make it more than an hour when every subject we introduced was turned into another drinking story. And these are educated people! I really felt like drinking was all that was holding the group together and it made me really sad. 

 

I don't have a problem with alcohol or people drinking, but I can't really understand the need for alcohol at every adult event. Why? Do we all really need to relax that much to enjoy each other? How much of this is psychological training from adolescence and young adulthood (parties = alcohol because we're simultaneously terrified and drawn to each other until eventually parties = alcohol because we just can't imagine it any other way)? How much of it is culture wrapped around dysfunction?

 

I just don't get it. 

 

BTW, before you get your panties in a knot and start yelling, I am not saying you do not have wonderful friends, and wonderful intelligent evenings with a bottle of wine which you drink responsibily at your dinner party. You're not alcoholics or deviants. I just literally do not understand and I have a lot of honest questions. I am not a part of that culture. I don't like the taste or feel of alcohol. I never felt enough peer pressure to bother with the whole thing. To be honest, it seemed a little silly and not particularly healthy. Alcohol is just something that's there sometimes, like deviled eggs or coffee. If you like deviled eggs, great, but no one should really need them there all the time. That would be a little weird.  

[twoxcell]

Drinking is not a part of our social circle, but we are not very social. My mom usually has wine at Christmas dinner but no one has ever been drunk. My dh and I do not drink.

[SKL]

My "social circle" includes a lot of people from different cultures.  Many don't have a tradition of drinking in mixed company, if at all.  Which is fine with me.  I don't drink and I'm not that impressed with the way most people act when they drink.  I used to work in an industry where you had to go to drinking parties and there was a lot of pressure to drink.  I absolutely hated that.  None of the people I worked with then are in my current "social circle," and I'm not sorry.

 

When we have an adult party over here (which is rare), we do have wine and beer for those who want it, and some people bring their own.  Some of the crowd will drink and some won't.

[Cera]

I voted moderately on the second question but that doesn't accurately describe it.  Generally evening dinner parties in our circle are hours long affairs (get together around 4 or 5, hang out until 9 or 10).  In that time generally the wife will have a beer or two and the husband will have three or four...nobody really even gets to tipsy.

[Parrothead]

Dinner parties in my circle always include alcohol.  Brunch parties in my circle include champagne, mimosas, or bellinis.  Day-time BBQs include beer.

 

And yet, no one gets drunk.  Go figure.   ;)

 

This is about how it is for my dh and me.  When we host we always have both options available.  Honestly everyone in my group is old enough to have outgrown getting drunk for the fun of it.  The body looking at 50 isn't able to handle what the body looking at 30 was able to handle.

[Laura Corin]

That was an adjustment for me too when I moved from Oregon to Colorado.  I miss being able to buy wine at the grocery store.  

 

Supermarkets here sell wine, beer and spirits.  There are 'licensing hours' however, during which alcohol can be sold (something like 10am to 10pm, usually).  Outside of those hours, the alcohol aisles are roped off.  If you are getting a supermarket delivery and it contains alcohol, you will be reminded automatically online to pick a delivery slot that falls within licensing hours.

 

L

[carriede]

IF my social circle were to have dinner parties... I would not be surprised if there was some alcohol, but I would not expect it as most of my friends have 2+ young kids and some living on one income - so alcohol just wouldn't fit in the budget.

 

But I'd be comfortable bringing some to share; it would be we received.

[StaceyinLA]

I can't remember the last function I attended that was alcohol-free. Actually, I can - a home school friend's son's wedding. There was also no dancing, no music - nothing. It was truly one of the most boring events I have ever attended in my life, even as sweet as it was to see him get married.

 

I don't drink often, and I get very annoyed when my sisters get tipsy and I am sober because they are so goofy, but I still rarely attend functions that have no alcohol. It's a way of life in Louisiana.

 

We served alcohol at both my dd's wedding receptions; a variety of beer and wine. I didn't find it added a huge cost because we bought what we were willing to pay for and that was it. No one was drunk, and a fun time was had by all.

[Dandelion]

Supermarkets here sell wine, beer and spirits.  There are 'licensing hours' however, during which alcohol can be sold (something like 10am to 10pm, usually).  Outside of those hours, the alcohol aisles are roped off.  If you are getting a supermarket delivery and it contains alcohol, you will be reminded automatically online to pick a delivery slot that falls within licensing hours.

 

L

 

Interesting.  That's similar to what I recall from Oregon, except that anything beyond beer/wine still had to be purchased from a liquor store.

 

Here in Colorado, only alcohol below a certain ABV % can be sold in grocery stores (so you can buy certain beers, Mike's, etc. in a grocery store - but no wine, spirits, etc.).   Everything else is sold in liquor stores.

[Sun]

I love reading everyone's responses. It's interesting how much variation there is.

 

Where I live, a homeschool moms' night out is guaranteed to have alcohol. A dinner party among friends or neighbors here will always have alcohol. Wine will always be there (and it's the most common hostess gift to bring along), and sometimes there will be beer. Occasionally someone will throw a cocktail party and serve mixed drinks in addition to beer and wine. People may get a bit tipsy to the point where they're more comfortable chatting with people they don't know well or a bit more talkative than normal, but I've never seen anyone get to the point of what I would consider drunk. If it's a neighborhood gathering where everyone has walked over, they'll all drink 2 or 3 drinks because no one has to drive home. At a party where people have driven to get there, usually one spouse has only one or 1.5 drinks over the course of the evening, and the other may have 2 or 3.

 

With one side of my family, alcohol never appeared at extended family gatherings. I've since realized that a lot of Methodists are anti-alcohol, though I never remember hearing about that at the time. Most of those same relatives did drink some in other situations, so I'm not really sure why there was never wine or beer at the family Thanksgiving, for example.

 

The cultural issues around alcohol are really interesting to me. I know that where I grew up, there is much more binge drinking, even among adults with children. It's not uncommon for someone to have 5 or 6 drinks in an evening if they're drinking. Beer is the drink of choice, with hard liquor following that. Wine is still less common there. That area also has much more conservative views on alcohol, and I find that contrast fascinating. Do the conservative views stem from the binge drinking? It's also a much lower income area and much more religious area than where I've lived for the past couple of decades, so the cultural divide is pretty big in a lot of ways, and that definitely plays into the way people drink alcohol.

 

 

 

 

[Alte Veste Academy]

NM... Misunderstood... :D

[Sun]

In my opinion, tipsy is always "car-key-worthy." As in people who are drinking enough to be tipsy (extra happy, loopy, goofy, more animated, etc.) would have a designated driver.

 

By not car-key-worthy, I meant they are not worthy of having the car keys. In other words, they're impaired to the point they should not drive. I think there's still quite a bit of distance after the point where one shouldn't drive before they're drunk to the point of dancing on the table, etc!

[Alte Veste Academy]

By not car-key-worthy, I meant they are not worthy of having the car keys. In other words, they're impaired to the point they should not drive. I think there's still quite a bit of distance after the point where one shouldn't drive before they're drunk to the point of dancing on the table, etc!

Sorry, I read that wrong! :)

[Luanne]

I don't have a huge social circle, but the one I do have (family and a few friends) ... I just choose not to hang out with people who drink.  So, of course, there is never anyone drinking alcohol.  I avoid those situations like the plague.  I don't need alcohol to have a good time and I don't like hanging out with people who do.