I was thinking about newborns and shunning visitors today...

[Ginevra]

:D I was getting my hair done. My stylist said, "So, I'm a grandma now..." I say, "That's awesome! Congratulations!" She says, "My granddaughter was born July 10th. Only I haven't held her yet. I'm not allowed because apparently, I'm germy."

 

Well color me dumbfounded! I was instantly reminded of our recent post here by the expectant mother due during flu season.

 

Wow. Banning your mother from holding her grandbaby for six weeks just on the general idea that all people carry germs? That's pretty harsh.

 

I said it was fortunate the baby wasn't born in mid-winter.

[Lisbeth]

Maybe she refused to get the perussis vaccine? I know a lot of new mothers who say no vaccine, no visit for many weeks.

[Lisbeth]

*pertussis

[Guest]

No. It was just a general notion that people transmit germs and she is a hairdresser. She's in contact with people all day. Therefore, she might have some sort of germ.

[PrincessMommy]

Good grief!  If her mother is "germy" then what about the nurses at the hospital??   And ... Her husband (assuming he goes out to work somewhere)???

 

That is very sad.

[MomtoCandJ]

My bean is due feb. 2nd. I wouldn't dream of not letting his/ her grandparents see him or her. In fact I'm going to see if the grandmas want to be there for the birth. They weren't able to with dd because we lived in another state at the time. This will be our last child and I know with dmil this will be her last grandchild.

[Penelope]

I can imagine, but this isn't the first time I have heard of this happening. I hope my children and their spouses don't feel the same when it's my turn!

 

Does she smoke and maybe they don't want any of that around the baby? Or maybe she recently got over something major or was even in the hospital, you never know I guess.

 

Or maybe there are other reasons, like, she lives further away and they don't want house guests yet, and the real reason isn't actually anything to do with germs, they just didn't tell her that.

[Moxie]

I bet there is more to the story, such as a poor relationship to begin with.

[beaners]

Funny, my mother and MIL always think we let people see the baby too soon.

 

Come to think of it, my 3rd child did get a cold as a newborn.  One of us picked up a bug in the pediatrician's office at his first visit, go figure, and he caught it.  He was snuffly, but didn't require any medical care. I really don't see how we could have avoided that one.

[Parrothead]

Wow. Did she say how long she will have to wait?

 

When dd was small and portable like that we had her out all over the place. She was in Walmart when she was 2 days old because forgot something we needed and went right after we were discharged from the hospital. I think exposure helps build the immune system. But what do I know.

[fraidycat]

Wow. I'm of the exposure and eating a little dirt now and again builds immunity camp. I can't imagine not letting Gramma hold a new grandchild.

[Cinder]

Poor Grandma! I could see if she was actually sick but this is just silly.

[Heatherwith4]

Oh, that's sad. :(

[littlebug42]

I was so miserable for my entire pregnancy with my oldest. After she was out of my body, I felt like I could have run a marathon. There was absolutely no way we were staying home much less limiting visitors. Everyone is so different though. My mother would never have let me live with a decision like that though.

[Sisyphus]

A friends brothers wife (did you get that?) did that to my friends mom! She was a nurse and she said the mil would carry too many germs. I knew my friends mom, too, and she was just devastated. It's not like she could quit her job. She couldn't touch the baby until he was a few months old- it was very weird.

 

Apparently the fact that her husband, child of said germy nurse, grew up just fine wasn't obvious enough to her. The brother ended up sneaking the baby over one day, if I recall. It was very weird.

 

Totally anecdotal, but the people I knew who were most uptight about germs, schedules, etc had the most neurotic and sickly kids. It seems like a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes.

[I.Dup.]

That's sad. I think that's the exception rather than the norm, even for germaphobes. I am paranoid about germs and I have never gone that far, not even for my NICU babies. My sister who had strep even came to visit and held the baby when he was in the NICU because she had been on antibiotics for over 24 hours. Family has always held our new babies (I do usually ask them to wash their hands first, though).

 

The vast majority of people seem to not acknowledge germs much at all. Or they don't care. I see newborns everywhere- out in the heat at community events, in Wal-Mart, in restaurants, etc.

 

I'm not of the belief that being exposed to lots of germs builds immune systems. There is bacteria everywhere- all over our bodies and homes, so our immune system is bombarded constantly. I know people who are extra vigilant about germs and rarely sick, and I know people who couldn't care less about germs and are always sick. I'm sure we could all share stories for either side.

 

The less we are around people, the less we get sick.

[beaners]

That's sad. I think that's the exception rather than the norm, even for germaphobes. I am paranoid about germs and I have never gone that far, not even for my NICU babies. My sister who had strep even came to visit and held the baby when he was in the NICU because she had been on antibiotics for over 24 hours. Family has always held our new babies (I do usually ask them to wash their hands first, though).

 

The vast majority of people seem to not acknowledge germs much at all. Or they don't care. I see newborns everywhere- out in the heat at community events, in Wal-Mart, in restaurants, etc.

 

I'm not of the belief that being exposed to lots of germs builds immune systems. There is bacteria everywhere- all over our bodies and homes, so our immune system is bombarded constantly. I know people who are extra vigilant about germs and rarely sick, and I know people who couldn't care less about germs and are always sick. I'm sure we could all share stories for either side.

 

The less we are around people, the less we get sick.

 

What kind of sick? Not really to you specifically, but what about studies showing kids who grow up around animals have fewer allergies or autoimmune problems? Not that my kids are in daycare, but I've also seen studies claiming that kids in daycares may be sick more often when they're little but healthier later.

[MinivanMom]

 . . . and she's complaining about it to random women as she does their hair?  The dil sounds extreme, but I'm guessing there's a whole lot more to the story. 

[lea_lpz]

:D I was getting my hair done. My stylist said, "So, I'm a grandma now..." I say, "That's awesome! Congratulations!" She says, "My granddaughter was born July 10th. Only I haven't held her yet. I'm not allowed because apparently, I'm germy."

 

Well color me dumbfounded! I was instantly reminded of our recent post here by the expectant mother due during flu season.

 

Wow. Banning your mother from holding her grandbaby for six weeks just on the general idea that all people carry germs? That's pretty harsh.

 

I said it was fortunate the baby wasn't born in mid-winter.

Dear Lord! And my mother and Aunt were upset that I did not want them there coming in and out while in labor. They still are touchy about dh kicking them out and dd is 6 now.

[SKL]

My mom was there at the birth when my sister-in-laws had their babies.  LOL granny was gonna hold that baby.  :)

 

I held my baby sister when she was 1 day old.  :)  I was 12.

 

But like I said on the other thread, my mom's SIL didn't let her visit until the "baby" was 2.5, and my mom only worked in an insurance lawyer's office.  :P  I don't know when my granny got to hold that baby.  I do know they used to make her sit outside in the garage to smoke, which was very unusual in those days.  (My cousin is 36.)

[I.Dup.]

What kind of sick? Not really to you specifically, but what about studies showing kids who grow up around animals have fewer allergies or autoimmune problems? Not that my kids are in daycare, but I've also seen studies claiming that kids in daycares may be sick more often when they're little but healthier later.

 

I think we're all healthier later, as we don't put our fingers in our mouth all the time anymore and don't touch every.little.thing we come into contact with. I don't know any adults without young children in the house who are coming down with things like colds and flus on a regular basis. I also think a lot of what we tend to catch is genetic. My BIL has everything go to his chest. My Dad, my sister and I all tend to get strep throat a lot. Everything goes to my ears. Things like that.

 

Animals are not carrying human viruses, for the most part. Things like colds, stomach flus, etc. Things people will get if they touch enough of the wrong thing.

 

My sister has animals, doesn't care about germs, and her kids are sick all. the. time. I know plenty of people who brag about how healthy their diets are, they eat fermented foods, organic, do all the right things, brag about not caring about germs, and yet it seems that their kids are always coming down with something. I'm sure we can all focus on what we choose to, depending on our own leaning, kwim? 

 

When my dd was in preschool, we caught a lot of bugs. As soon as I took her out we were much healthier. A large part of it is just young kids being germy.

[happypamama]

I suspect there is more to the story than what the OP is hearing, but at the same time, it is entirely possible that the baby's dad works in a small office and doesn't have a lot of contact with people (my DH does; it's not uncommon for him to see just a couple of people all day, and he doesn't share his workstation with other people, so he's not picking up germs from computer keyboards, phones, etc.; he is rarely sick, and when he is, it's something he's caught from the rest of us), whereas the MIL may indeed contact a lot of germs as a hairdresser. Still, I wouldn't prohibit grandparents from seeing a baby for six weeks if they weren't actively ill.

 

I conducted a bit of an experiment this year. The past couple of years, my kids had several minor colds (and one minor stomach bug -- one day of mild vomiting and then a couple of days of feeling icky and that was it) throughout the winter. I think a large part of it was having a winter co-op session, especially every two weeks (with two of the children being in the nursery, so putting their hands on lots of toys and such) -- by the time all four kids got the cold and got over it, it was co-op time again, and they'd pick up a different cold. This year, being that there was no winter co-op session and being that between our lifestyle and DH's work situation, we are indeed able to put a serious limit on how many people we contact, we didn't get flu shots (not that we have other years). But I did put a serious limit on things like library visits, especially with toddlers (I sent DH or DD in to get books on hold), I wiped the grocery cart before using it (which I have never done before), and I absolutely vetoed all public water fountains for the winter. Especially being pregnant, I just didn't want to deal with colds/flu/stomach bugs.

 

We had nothing all winter. We were all very healthy. I'm not sure which precaution made the most difference, although I suspect no winter co-op was the biggest factor. Now, come April, we got a nasty cold (I was in bed for about four days, although the kids weren't as bad off), but there wasn't the annoying, one little cold after another thing that we remembered from some previous winters. I will definitely try things like that again next winter, although I do think that gentle exposure to minor colds and stuff is good for the immune system. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with it though.

[Eagle]

Maybe she is a preemie and there are immune system issues? I'll bet there is more to the story than we have heard.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Maybe she is a preemie and there are immune system issues? I'll bet there is more to the story than we have heard.

I can picture at least one relative taking what I had tried to gently and comprehensively explain about immune system issues and distilling it to "she thinks I'm germy."   I wouldn't make judgments on mom's choices unless I heard her side (and even then only if it was my business!)

[Rosie_0801]

My MIL "felt suicidal" at not getting to see my first until she was 10 days old. I wasn't sympathetic since she was out of the country when her first grandchild was born. When they rocked up, she was allowed to hold the baby. Didn't know how good she had it, did she? :p

[Julie in CA]

I bet there is more to the story, such as a poor relationship to begin with.

I wouldn't bet on it. I have a new grand-niece that lives across the street from our dairy. Family members have been bringing in meals for them, and have not seen the baby except for pictures posted on Facebook. The baby is always "sleeping" when people arrive, no matter when they arrive, even if it's family, even if they're very kind & clean & healthy. I just think it's a sign of how far we've come from common sense. I don't know what these people are thinking. Somehow we managed to keep our children alive before germ gel and sequestering of babies.  :001_rolleyes:

[PrincessMommy]

I wouldn't bet on it. I have a new grand-niece that lives across the street from our dairy. Family members have been bringing in meals for them, and have not seen the baby except for pictures posted on Facebook. The baby is always "sleeping" when people arrive, no matter when they arrive, even if it's family, even if they're very kind & clean & healthy. I just think it's a sign of how far we've come from common sense. I don't know what these people are thinking. Somehow we managed to keep our children alive before germ gel and sequestering of babies.  :001_rolleyes:

 

And we let them sleep on their stomach too.  <gasp>.

 

[TeacherZee]

The only time my sister asked me not to come visit was when I told her we had the winter vomiting bug doing the round at school. I was totally on board with that. Other than that I saw my nieces when they were 3 days old (first time I could get away and go see them). My parents were there when my 2nd niece came home from the hospital at less than 24 hours old. My sister has a major germ phobia (we can't quite figure it since she is a nurse) I too call more to the story.

[TammyinTN]

I can't imagine...I helped deliver the last two little blessing.  She must be a very sad Nana.  :confused1:

[MinivanMom]

I wouldn't bet on it. I have a new grand-niece that lives across the street from our dairy. Family members have been bringing in meals for them, and have not seen the baby except for pictures posted on Facebook. The baby is always "sleeping" when people arrive, no matter when they arrive, even if it's family, even if they're very kind & clean & healthy. I just think it's a sign of how far we've come from common sense. I don't know what these people are thinking. Somehow we managed to keep our children alive before germ gel and sequestering of babies.  :001_rolleyes:

 

Awww!  Poor thing!  I assume this is her first baby.  She gave birth recently enough to still need meals brought in, and the family is already gossiping about whether she's willing to wake the baby to be passed around to visitors.  She probably feels like her body was run over by a train, is struggling to figure out breastfeeding, and still the relatives descend.  Is this your niece or is it your nephew's wife?  If it's your nephew's wife then I have extra sympathy for her.

 

Am I the only one who feels terrible after giving birth?  Never mind whether the baby's immune system can handle the germs; I don't want visitors!  Kudos to those who are up on their feet with glam hair and makeup straight after the birth, but not everyone is up to entertaining.  I was in labor for 3 days with my first, then gushed blood for a solid 4 weeks.  I went through all sorts of latching problems with my first (followed by two bouts of mastitis) and probably walked around topless for a full 3 weeks after the birth (cloth on sore nipples hurts).  Be kind to new moms.  Be kind!

 

I think all this trash talk is striking a nerve.  I know I've been raked over the coals for not letting the in-laws be in the delivery room or camp at my house those first few weeks (and I didn't even make mil wash her hands before holding the baby).  It isn't spiteful.  Childbirth is hard.  The recovery is even harder.  Be kind!  Most new mothers aren't trying to keep people from their baby.  Even the crazy uptight new moms who squirt sanitizer at everyone who walks through the door aren't trying to be spiteful.  If anything it's a sign that they take motherhood seriously.  They take the responsibility to care for a new human being seriously.  Be glad that they care that much.  Most first time moms will relax over time.  Give them the space to find that balance without having so much criticism and condescension thrown at them.

[BrookValley.]

My youngest has a genetic condition. Getting ill itself might not be a huge deal where that is concerned, but the medication he might need to save his life could cause an arrhythmia that could lead to death. A total catch-22. So maybe you could see why I am very careful that my baby isn't exposed to a million people as a young infant? I really couldn't care who's feelings I hurt. People don't get to pass my baby around. My MIL works at a daycare; yeah, I limit contact.

[wonderchica]

A first time mother I knew stood up in front of her church when her baby was a week old and listed the handful of people in the church who were allowed to touch her baby. It was quite the scandal in a small town  ;)

[Julie in CA]

Awww!  Poor thing!  I assume this is her first baby.  She gave birth recently enough to still need meals brought in, and the family is already gossiping about whether she's willing to wake the baby to be passed around to visitors.  She probably feels like her body was run over by a train, is struggling to figure out breastfeeding, and still the relatives descend.  Is this your niece or is it your nephew's wife?  If it's your nephew's wife then I have extra sympathy for her.

 

Am I the only one who feels terrible after giving birth?  Never mind whether the baby's immune system can handle the germs; I don't want visitors!  Kudos to those who are up on their feet with glam hair and makeup straight after the birth, but not everyone is up to entertaining.  I was in labor for 3 days with my first, then gushed blood for a solid 4 weeks.  I went through all sorts of latching problems with my first (followed by two bouts of mastitis) and probably walked around topless for a full 3 weeks after the birth (cloth on sore nipples hurts).  Be kind to new moms.  Be kind!

 

I think all this trash talk is striking a nerve.  I know I've been raked over the coals for not letting the in-laws be in the delivery room or camp at my house those first few weeks (and I didn't even make mil wash her hands before holding the baby).  It isn't spiteful.  Childbirth is hard.  The recovery is even harder.  Be kind!  Most new mothers aren't trying to keep people from their baby.  Even the crazy uptight new moms who squirt sanitizer at everyone who walks through the door aren't trying to be spiteful.  If anything it's a sign that they take motherhood seriously.  They take the responsibility to care for a new human being seriously.  Be glad that they care that much.  Most first time moms will relax over time.  Give them the space to find that balance without having so much criticism and condescension thrown at them.

Touching a nerve is right! It isn't as though I haven't done the childbirth thing (I have, lots!), and no one is descending up on her. She's not even being asked to allow people to hold the baby. I just think that sequestering the baby such that family cannot even take a peek is a bit much. She's having people deliver meals to her for 2 weeks (which we are glad to do), so it's not as though she delivered yesterday and we're all flocking there in droves insisting that she has glam hair & makeup.

 

Squirting germ gel doesn't signal that you take motherhood seriously, it signals that you've decided not to inform yourself about which things are extreme risks, and which things are not. If anything, perhaps the uptight moms need a bit *more* exposure to women with more experience, not a bit less. It can be viewed as trash talk (even though everyone is bending over backwards not to make her feel she has to defend her choices), or it can be viewed as what it is: older, more experienced relatives doing a mostly mental eyeroll as we acquiesce to her request for help as well as resist any urge to mention her choices.

 

So...criticism and condescension are sometimes earned, but rarely given. While I might mention it here among friends who've been there, *of course* I have no intention of challenging her interesting ideas regarding the value and place of family in the life of her child. The bonds built/neglected may be something she later wishes she'd cared about more than whether a stray germ would blow in through the open door as she accepts meals & housecleaning help.

 

-Just sayin'.

As always though, I reserve your right to disagree with me, and mine to disagree with you.  :thumbup1:

 

ETA: Where in the world did you get the idea that everyone was descending upon her in droves and asking her to wake the baby and pass it around to visitors? I don't think I wrote anything of the sort, though I'll go back and check, and then edit to correct it if I said that.

[sparrow]

There could be something more to the story, sure, but I wouldn't doubt if it was just an overprotective new mom. 

 

I remember how we were the pariahs in adoption groups because we didn't follow the "nobody at the airport/nobody holds the baby/nobody feeds the baby but mom and dad" protocol for attachment. 

[indigomama]

I knew someone like that. She didn't let anyone, including her nurse mother, who she has a great relationship with hold the baby for several weeks. She also didn't leave the house, except for dr appointments for the first 12 weeks! 

 

I have never heard of anyone being that paranoid. But there wasn't more to the story. She just thought babies were very susceptible to catching things and was worried. 

[MinivanMom]

*snip*

 

-Just sayin'.

As always though, I reserve your right to disagree with me, and mine to disagree with you.  :thumbup1:

 

ETA: Where in the world did you get the idea that everyone was descending upon her in droves and asking her to wake the baby and pass it around to visitors? I don't think I wrote anything of the sort, though I'll go back and check, and then edit to correct it if I said that.

Sorry!  The first part was about your niece.  The last bit wasn't directed at you, just at the general sentiment expressed in the thread that new mothers are clueless and unreasonable if they do anything that inconveniences us.

 

For the record, I agree with you about germs completely.  Heck, I didn't even make people wash their hands around my newborns.  I just think that mothers who are obsessed with germs are doing it out of love for their baby, not malice towards their relatives.  I do think extended family coming over daily is excessive, even if they come bearing casseroles (and less than 2 weeks is pretty newly delivered, especially for a first-time mom).  I would have felt people were descending in droves if I had daily visitors.  I put on a shirt and a smile for the grandparents (who were not over daily), but it was weeks or months before my own aunts and uncles saw my baby.  I don't think my newborn needs to bond with every random member of my extended family.  Grandma is a yes (unless she's abusive or toxic), but random aunt or cousin is someone we'll see at Thanksgiving.

 

Unless I'm confusing you with someone else, I seem to remember that your extended family is very involved in your personal life.  I think our agree to disagree is over the role of relatives more than over the importance of germs.  Maybe it would be helpful to consider that your niece may be from a somewhat different family culture (unless I'm misunderstanding and this is your own niece rather than your nephew's wife). 

[Anne in CA]

A newborn brings out every insecurity that a woman ever had for some people. There may be more to the story or not, but I cannot blame the grandma for venting a little about such a thing. I still remember my mother crying when she saw my son, her first biological grandchild. Seeing a grandchild is a huge moment, and being upset when it is denied would be pretty natural. I for one would be heartbroken, but respectful of my DIL (because I know neither of my dd's would do such a thing, lol.)

 

[BigMamaBird]

If her Mom's a hairdresser, does she maybe have a fear of hairdressing chemicals rather than germs?

[Lisbeth]

I think extended family should back off and give new mothers a break. Having a new baby is a big adjustment. Establishing bf can be tough. Physically it can be a painful mess. Hormonal changes can trigger emotional upheavsl. Then there is a lack of sleep. Job #1 for mom is protecting the baby the way she thinks is correct...and that should trump a grownup's feelings every time.

[beaners]

I think extended family should back off and give new mothers a break. Having a new baby is a big adjustment. Establishing bf can be tough. Physically it can be a painful mess. Hormonal changes can trigger emotional upheavsl. Then there is a lack of sleep. Job #1 for mom is protecting the baby the way she thinks is correct...and that should trump a grownup's feelings every time.

 

I'm pretty loosey-goosey about a lot of things, but I think mothers who lean the other way deserve respect for their decisions too.  It drives me wild the way people dismiss things mothers do because they're young or new or haven't had 35 kids.  

[LizzyBee]

Wow. Did she say how long she will have to wait?

 

When dd was small and portable like that we had her out all over the place. She was in Walmart when she was 2 days old because forgot something we needed and went right after we were discharged from the hospital. I think exposure helps build the immune system. But what do I know.

 

I'm an extravert and would have gone crazy staying inside for weeks on end with a newborn.  My kids went to church at 9 days, 5 days, and 4 days; people brought us meals and we let them come in and visit and hold the baby; and we went out socially if invited.  None of them got sick.

 

I have friends who are introverts and like some privacy for a few weeks after childbirth, but I can't imagine denying a grandmother from seeing and holding the baby unless grandma was a drug addict or something.

 

[Serenade]

 

Totally anecdotal, but the people I knew who were most uptight about germs, schedules, etc had the most neurotic and sickly kids. It seems like a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes.

 

Yes.

[SKL]

I descended upon both of my brothers' homes days after their wives gave birth, and I held their babies.  Granted, the babies did not have any known immunity issues.  My oldest SIL was on her 2nd marriage, so this was her 4th child.  She was not fazed.  My other SIL had had her first and only child, and it had been a rough experience, and she was quite uncordial.  When we weren't scared off by her snippiness, she stomped upstairs and cussed at my brother to follow her, while we all stayed downstairs and held the baby.  :)  Neither baby got sick or otherwise harmed in the process.  :)

 

When my sister's first was born, I rushed to the hospital the same night and held the baby.  Her second was a micropremie, so I had to wait a while to hold her in the NICU (having taken careful germ precautions).  And after she came home, I stayed away, because I had kids in preschool and they were exposed to many germs.  However, the grandparents were regular babysitters to the wee one from early on, even in the NICU to give my sister a break.

 

I should add that when my micropremie niece was at a vulnerable age (for about 2 years), I didn't even go around my parents if anyone in my family was sick.  It was sad to go for months without letting my kids see their grandparents, but I wasn't willing to risk being the cause of a medical setback for my niece.

[Joker]

I will say I am so glad we didn't live near relatives during either of my deliveries. I had a horrible time with my first and didn't want to see anyone until after the first two weeks. I was actually back in the hospital for a short visit on day eleven and would have been really bothered by visitors - even if it was my own mother. With my second, I just really enjoyed the peace and quiet of it only being dh, oldest dd, newborn, and myself. We needed and loved that time without entertaining others.

 

We weren't worried at all about germs. It was all about just recovering and trying to find some sense of normalcy. I wouldn't have turned people away who showed up, but I would have secretly wished they weren't there. I look back on those times and am really glad it was just us - and I'm really grateful our families didn't push when we said we could use their help later instead of sooner.

[SKL]

I understand that some people don't feel like entertaining visitors right after birth, but don't you think there's value in that early bonding in the extended family?  In my experience, there is.  If I were giving birth, despite feeling crappy myself, I would want that value for my child - unless, of course, she had a condition that made it actually dangerous.

 

I'm not an advocate for passing a newborn baby around to everyone on the planet.  But the siblings, grandparents, and close aunties should be generally safe.  Presumably they would not knowingly expose the new baby to something nasty.

[Joker]

Neither of my dds were able to have that early bonding due to logistics, yet they're both very close to extended family. I see no value in having everyone there at once or in the beginning. In the end, I don't think it really matters when they bond. My oldest didn't see my mom or sister until she was two months old yet those three are extremely close (despite not living near one another). The same can be said for youngest and her grandpa. Those bonds can happen without being formed immediately.

[lea_lpz]

I will say I am so glad we didn't live near relatives during either of my deliveries. I had a horrible time with my first and didn't want to see anyone until after the first two weeks. I was actually back in the hospital for a short visit on day eleven and would have been really bothered by visitors - even if it was my own mother. With my second, I just really enjoyed the peace and quiet of it only being dh, oldest dd, newborn, and myself. We needed and loved that time without entertaining others.

 

We weren't worried at all about germs. It was all about just recovering and trying to find some sense of normalcy. I wouldn't have turned people away who showed up, but I would have secretly wished they weren't there. I look back on those times and am really glad it was just us - and I'm really grateful our families didn't push when we said we could use their help later instead of sooner.

I feel you.

 

For my 1st baby we had many relatives come and felt like it really interfered with our privacy. I was young and more worried about offending people. I would never allow that now.

 

With baby # 2 we only had 4 visitors, the grandparents, who after a talk didn't come until we were settled in and then a couple weeks later had a family bbq where everyone could meet the new baby.

 

I am hoping with #3 that interest will have died down at this point but I have learned to set clear boundaries about what I am ok with so I do not plan to have anyone come until after we are home and more settled in.

[Reflections]

My ds3 was 3 weeks old when he contracted RSV.   We all had it - the kids got it first and then him.  It was awful and required hospitalization.  Luckily he didn't have to be intubated. But since then, he has contracted every chest cold the season passes on and was hospitalized again just last year.  There are studies out there that talk about how RSV has long lasting effects. 

 

I understand people get their feelings hurt about wanting to see the baby and want to bond with the baby...but I also get that there are some dangers to that.  And it costs $$$.  Our bill for the hospital 3 years ago was $1500 WITH insurance and then last year it was $780 WITH insurance.  That's not chump change. 

 

So understand, I'm seeing this through the eyes of a mother who had a baby turn blue and could have died and was left with long term consequences because of harmless little ol' germs that was only a typical cold for the rest of us.  

 

And yes, I was exclusively breastfeeding.

 

So, imo, there is no harm in waiting until the baby is a little stronger and it may in fact be safer.

[Rosie_0801]

I understand that some people don't feel like entertaining visitors right after birth, but don't you think there's value in that early bonding in the extended family?  In my experience, there is.  If I were giving birth, despite feeling crappy myself, I would want that value for my child - unless, of course, she had a condition that made it actually dangerous.

 

 

No, I don't really. The same grandmother who "felt suicidal" because she wouldn't see dd until she was 10 days old has never, to my recollection, initiated a visit to see the kids. And my newborns themselves, as far as I could tell, judged the rest of humanity as "boobies" and "not boobies." I certainly believe there is value in promoting bonding between the newborn and the "not boobies" called Dad, but that was more about him than them. Nobody's interest or relationship with the kids seems to have anything to do with the amount of newborn cuddles they had. Other people's mileage may vary...

[BlsdMama]

:D I was getting my hair done. My stylist said, "So, I'm a grandma now..." I say, "That's awesome! Congratulations!" She says, "My granddaughter was born July 10th. Only I haven't held her yet. I'm not allowed because apparently, I'm germy."

 

Well color me dumbfounded! I was instantly reminded of our recent post here by the expectant mother due during flu season.

 

Wow. Banning your mother from holding her grandbaby for six weeks just on the general idea that all people carry germs? That's pretty harsh.

 

I said it was fortunate the baby wasn't born in mid-winter.

 

How early was the baby?  What kind of risk factor was the mother - you know, with working with the public day in and day out?

 

Because I had a daughter die in the NICU from an infection.  I'm pretty much against extended family being able to visit a NICU at all.

And I just left the NICU again in April with a baby that stayed 15 days.  We kept her away from everyone for almost three MONTHS.  Our ped. told us to not take her to church or anywhere else.

 

So, I'm thinking, there might be more to the story.  But, then again, I have a right to be paranoid.