lynn Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 When they ask even if it's not snack time or your family does not do snacks? DD's friend goes into my pantry sees what I have and asks for snacks every time she comes over. I have set snack times for dd or she won't eat dinner or is not ready for dinner at dinner time and she'll sit with us but eat her dinner at a later time so snacking is limited. What I do have on hand is for our outings to the pool, waterpark, hikes etc. We are talking 7 year olds. If I am giving dd a snack I do give to her friends but other wise not. Every day I'ts saw (insert whatever she saw MY pantry) can you give me some? I sure hope my dd does not do this at someone elses home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie131 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 I have no problem sharing snacks at snack time, but oh how it bugs me when a neighborhood kid goes into my fridge or cupboard. I usually tell them it is not snack time and if they are hungry they can go home for a snack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 My mom had a cookie jar and a bread box on the kitchen counter, in it were kept snacks and they were passed around to who ever had asked nicely. Including neighborhood kids that came to play or where there for tutoring. I keep some snacks out (I have a bowl on my coffee table and a cookie jar on the counter) and guests are invited to help themselves. Children need their parents permission first (some kids have allergies, bad appetites, etc), but after that, they can help themselves. However in your situation, I think I would answer a yes/no question with 'no' a little more often. Why don't you try a polite "No, honey, it isn't snack time and please don't go in my pantry." the next few times and then switch to an "oh my, has someone been in the pantry again? [Girls Name], that isn't polite. It is rude to go in other peoples pantries or closets without asking. You're a good girl, so don't be rude, okay sweetie?" If you have to do that more than 10 times, it may be worth speaking to the girls mom. It is a major annoyance, not a major offense so I say give it time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Yes, neighborhood kids regularly eat snacks (and meals) at our house, and my kids did (and do...for my youngest) likewise. I don't allow rummaging through my pantry, and honestly, only a very few kids have done that...and were swiftly and firmly corrected...so it isn't an issue. And, my youngest is 12, so that type of bad manners tends to disappear with age. However, if kids are here when it's lunch or dinner, they're welcome to stay. And my neighbors do that same. We don't even ask...we just feed whomever is in our house at mealtime. Snacks are available when I offer them, or when my own child asks me for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missouri Okie Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 The neighbors ask my kids for snacks who share freely. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 My mom had a cookie jar and a bread box on the kitchen counter, in it were kept snacks and they were passed around to who ever had asked nicely. Including neighborhood kids that came to play or where there for tutoring. I keep some snacks out (I have a bowl on my coffee table and a cookie jar on the counter) and guests are invited to help themselves. Children need their parents permission first (some kids have allergies, bad appetites, etc), but after that, they can help themselves. However in your situation, I think I would answer a yes/no question with 'no' a little more often. Why don't you try a polite "No, honey, it isn't snack time and please don't go in my pantry." the next few times and then switch to an "oh my, has someone been in the pantry again? [Girls Name], that isn't polite. It is rude to go in other peoples pantries or closets without asking. You're a good girl, so don't be rude, okay sweetie?" If you have to do that more than 10 times, it may be worth speaking to the girls mom. It is a major annoyance, not a major offense so I say give it time. I think we are number 4 or 5 of reminding friend that" it's not polite" and "we don't do that" I am being patient for I know some kids just don't know any better and need a chance to learn common courtesy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 The neighbors ask my kids for snacks who share freely. :glare: We do share when it's a snack time but I have a hard time getting dd to eat at regular meal times so we watch snacking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 I don't with children in the neighborhood. One thing I learned quickly is that the neighbors don't let other children in their home nor do they give snacks. So, I modeled this. Especially since a parent came to me upset that I was giving snacks and let me know they have food. They can feed their own children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Can you try a gentle reminder when she arrives. "Hi [Girls Name]! How are you girls doing? Ready to have fun? Thats great, you girls remember your manners and don't rummage, okay? Great, you gals have fun!!!" Smile sweetly and remind. That would drive me bonkers, personally, but the age is so young, lol. Also, could you put a sign on the pantry door? A "STOP" sign on the pantry door to serve as a constant reminder that snacking randomly is off limits? Just a thought. I couldn't stand someone (or their kid) rummaging through my house... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 No. However, just today a new to me neighbor gave my 7 yr old 10 of those frozen koolaid in a tube wrapper thingies to bring home and share with her siblings. Mine didn't ask. She offered. Or so my kids and her son claim. ;) Idk. My kids know to never ask. And to ask me before accepting. If we happen to be eating, I'll of course offer to share or send them home until snacks are done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Ugh. I guess I misread. I don't like having people rifle through our stuff either. How rude. I'd tell her no every time and to get out of my kitchen. If she couldn't mind her manners, I'd probably just insist they stick to playing outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Not anymore. The few times I tried it, the kids either freaked out at what I offered ("Uh, apples are nasty! Oh my god, don't you have anything good?") or got mad that they couldn't take more of my food to go and had a screaming tantrum on my kitchen floor and had to be carried home. To be honest, we really just don't have neighborhood kids over at all anymore because, as you can see, they have some serious behavior issues. If dd wants to play with them now, she plays outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Hubby said to consider kicking things up to a simple, dead pan "No. You may not." if she asks again in the same visit, say "No, I will not reward your rude behavior with a treat." His family is a little more blunt, more out there and in your face about things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Yes, if I know it's ok with their parents. We don't generally have any packaged snacks at our house so if fruit, cheese or baked item or toast doesn't appeal, they are out of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 We share snacks. If I know it's ok with the parents, I'm fine if kids ask. We have food allergies, and DS can't eat at the neighbors' houses, but I have no problem supplying allergen free foods to the other kids. But I would not be fine with a kid going in our pantry or fridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Rummage in the pantry? NO. Have a snack when my child is having a snack? Yes.... or rather, that is how it was when the kids were little. Now, they do help themselves to the snack shelf, with implied permission as it is there for people hanging out here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 During the summer I pass out a lot of popsicles/frozen treats. We once had a neighbor kid who was allergic to red dye, so I bought dye free ones for him (he and his brothers were homeschooled too, and I was friends with his mom). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Kids do have snacks at my house and I do offer them but I don't allow them to go looking through my pantry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I occassionally offer them if my kids are going to have a snack anyway. There is one neighbor girl who does not get snacks at her house - she gets 3 meals a day and no more. The minute she walks in our house she goes on and on about how starving she is. LOL. She's a vegetarian at her own house and wants to consume meat with abandon over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Depends on the kid and how well I know the family. I JUST found out on of DS's friends has a dairy allergy. He is not over here that often, and mom and I are not best friends, so I had no idea. That day he was here with hid Dad (who is good friends with my DH) and they stayed so long I had to serve dinner. Luckily I overheard him ask if it has cheese in it, so I asked him about that. His older brother told me. Luckily I was able to adapt dinner plans to fit. But going into my pantry, NO. Not ok. If I am offering (and I always do if they are going to be here a while) that is one thing. I do have one family whose kids I constantly have to remind to stay out of private areas (like my bedroom, even if the door is shut). And we don't keep a lot of typical snacky foods around anyways (especially since DS9 went GF), Snacks here would be fruit or cheese sticks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I would be gentle but firm about not going through your pantry. It is not kind to the child to let them develop a habit that will make them unlikable. There are some times when I have had to parent the neighbor children. I don't like doing it, but this is one of those cases where I would step up and do some loving training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Barring food allergies (and I would know because I always ask), we have an open kitchen policy for our kids - visitors included. ETA: By "open kitchen" I mean that the children (mine and visitors) are allowed to snack freely; no set "snack times". They can rummage through the pantry or fridge. Fresh fruits are kept on the counter, goodies are in the pantry, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hubby said to consider kicking things up to a simple, dead pan "No. You may not." if she asks again in the same visit, say "No, I will not reward your rude behavior with a treat." His family is a little more blunt, more out there and in your face about things. How is it rude to ask? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 How is it rude to ask? It isn't rude to ask, it is rude to rifle through someones home and find stuff to ask for, if they have told you that the behavior is not acceptable to them/rude. Because in the 6th post of this thread Lynn, the original poster--is that OP?--says: I think we are number 4 or 5 of reminding friend that " it's not polite" and "we don't do that" I am being patient for I know some kids just don't know any better and need a chance to learn common courtesy. So if they have informed the child already, Hubby feels that the behavior is borderline rude and that a deadpan/no frills negation to her request and an explanation of why that request is denied might be a little more memorable, and thus help the girl to remember her manners more. Personally, the behavior would drive me bonkers, but I think I'd be more likely to bite my tongue a little longer. For Hubby, the first times a mistake, the second times forgetful and the third time is rude, the fourth time also and with the fifth time things are headed to unacceptable. Now that the girl knows that the behavior is considered rude, she needs to be reminded of it, in Hubbys opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 well we only have 1 child in our neighborhood. He is 7. When he comes over my ds15 gives him a huge amount of food. usually big sandwich, several cookies and a milkshake. The poor child mostly has a startled look on his face, though he manages to get through it all. I have never had anyone, adult or child rummage through my pantry or fridge that wasn't a permanent resident of my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I don't allow the neighbor kids in the house. Occasionally I'll make snacks to share, but not usually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 No. If my kids are having a snack I offer the same to any other kids that are here but I don't let them dig through the pantry or eat whenever they want, they can go home to snack. My kids are welcome to snack whenever they want but they rarely do and when they do it is generally fruits or veggies which the other kids rarely want to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I'm all about feeding the kids who are over. I mean, if you've ever had a couple of 10 year old boys around, it's not like they give you much of a choice. They all eat on 30 minute rotations. I often just put out a spread before they even ask. I don't think I've ever had a kid just go into my cupboards, though. I would definitely correct that, gently but directly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 If I'm giving them to my kids and they are here yes but if I'm not they don't get special ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I don't care if people eat snacks at my house, or rummage through the pantry. I don't think anyone has done that, though. I have no problem feeding the kids that are invited to my house. I use to live in a neighborhood where homeless people would knock in the door and ask for a sandwich. That didn't bother me either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Neighbor kids-no. Everyone can go home and get their own snacks. This policy was set in place before we moved into the neighborhood so I saw no reason to change it. If everyone was in our yard and my kids asked for a snack I would offer to everyone. Few took us up on our offer because fruit and yogurt were not good snacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 When they ask even if it's not snack time or your family does not do snacks? For this particular question, I would say no. I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you don't allow snacking at that time and if they are hungry they should go home and eat, then they can come back and play some more. If you feel you should allow them to snack, have something that is cheap and dole it out carefully. I like little bites like popcorn or oyster crackers. A small bowl is plenty for a snack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 If a visiting child saw xzy in my cabinet or fridge (we don't have a pantry) and said, "I saw xyz in your cabinet, can you give me some?" I would respond with "No, sorry." No explanation needed. Obviously, if my child is having a snack, any visiting friend can have one too. Most of my "neighborhood kid feeding" happens when my kids take snacks outside to share with everyone, which is fine. Expensive! but fine. ETA: I should clarify, since my situation might be different from others. We live in a townhome community set up like a pocket-neighborhood. There are kids, ages 3-12, in and out of my house all day long during the summer. It would probably be different if we just had a friend or two over a couple of times a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 If a hungry person is in my house I will feed them. I don't withhold food from hungry people. Heck, stay at my house long enough and I might feed you if you are not hungry, lol. I have no qualms telling children that we have some food that is available for free snacking and food that is reserved for other times. Any kid is welcome to an apple, banana, cheese stick, cereal, PB&J sandwich, bread and butter, or carrots. I also keep the freezer stocked with homemade muffins and the very occasional batch of cookies. I don't mind getting that stuff out of my freezer and into someone that is not me. It might take a couple visits for them to remember that not all the food we have is available for snacks, but they have all caught on. No worries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 How is it rude to ask? I was always told it's rude to ask people to give you their stuff. Be it food or anything else. I would just tell them to stay out of my kitchen. *shrug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 There are three separate issues in this question. The first is the rummaging around in the pantry. That is rude and I would not allow it unless it is a close personal friend, not just a neighbor friend. The second is feeding other people's kids when they are hungry. Yes, if a kid school age or older asks me for a snack, I'll give one. I assume they are hungry and that they know if they are allergic to something. Hungry children need to eat, we have food, they can eat. If they don't like what we have, they are expected not to accept the offer and it's no big deal. Younger than that (back in the day) - I'd check with the parent. Teens are almost always hungry, especially in the afternoon (at least that's my experience). Hungry kids/teens are grumpy, and rightfully so. I don't prepare snacks for teens, but I'll tell them to check specific areas (a shelf in the pantry or the fridge) and that they are welcome to what's there (even if they end up making a sandwich). The third issue is boundaries - we all need to be comfortable with our own boundaries. If you don't snack in your home, a simple "sorry, we don't do snacks" is sufficient. It's not necessary to make a big deal over the way you've chosen to live your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I would. The pantry thing is not ok at all, but yes I would absolutely give a healthy snack to any kid who was at my house. You never know why they are hungry. They may not be fed enough or fed the right food (no nutrition). Heck, I'd give a junky snack too. My family has been through enough financial hardships that I couldn't afford an apple, let alone a special packages treat for my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I was always told it's rude to ask people to give you their stuff. Be it food or anything else. I would just tell them to stay out of my kitchen. *shrug* Eh. While I've taught my children not to ask (but for close friends and family), I've never been offended by my children's friends asking or rummaging. Growing up, my father's house was where everyone came - for dinner, for snacks... whatever. He always made sure to make extra dinner, just in case we had company. I guess, like him, I enjoy sharing what I have with others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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