When is it ok to let a teen quit sports?

[popmom]

I have a 15 yr old daughter who has been playing JV basketball through our cover school for two years/seasons. We would like her to continue (if she makes the varsity team), but we can tell she really doesn't want to. She has never LOVED it. She has struggled a little w/ anxiety over games and doesn't like how much effort is required of her during practices. Otherwise, she does enjoy the game of basketball overall. She's just not very competitive at all.

 

My husband and I are struggling because we know that she would like to give up on it. My husband is very concerned that if she quits, she will regret it. She admits that she really likes "being a part of something". He thinks she is missing out on a great opportunity if she quits. We are also VERY concerned that it seems that whenever anything is a little difficult, she wants to quit. We don't want her to be a "quitter"--someone that can't stick anything out and who gives up in the face of difficulties. My husband has always been a little --how do I put this-- unsure of the whole homeschooling thing. He thinks she needs this (basketball) to sort of be a normal, "involved," well rounded person--because she is homeschooled. He has indicated that if she were in public school, he wouldn't be so concerned about her being "involved" in something "organized" such as sports. This is a way for her and her twin sister (who does not play) to get involved w/ other kids their age.

 

So to summarize the concerns: 1) She is very unmotivated generally speaking. Not much work ethic. Does not really give her best effort even w/ school work. 2) The need to be involved in something "organized" (sports is just about the only option here) in order to learn teamwork and be well rounded and not be isolated. 3) If she quits, she will want to spend that time on the computer.

 

My girls are involved at church, but my husband thinks they need more. I don't disagree.

 

She is also taking guitar lessons--not much motivation there either. I think she could take it or leave it.

 

She is also taking art lessons. This is the only thing she shows any interest in. She has always had an interest in art and draws in her spare time. I think my husband thinks this is not as good as being involved in a sport since art doesn't give you the "teamwork" experience. I do not disagree, but I am not as passionate about sports as he is.

 

This is putting a strain on their father/daughter relationship.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any feedback.

[TechWife]

I'd let her stop and encourage her to get a job.

[TheApprentice]

My oldest is not very athletic. And I'm looking for job opportunities for him, so that he too gets out of the house and off his computer. He too is 15. We have to accept our kids for who they are. Your daughter's opinion should carry a bit of weight at this age. If she wants to quit, I'd let her, but then she would have to offer up what she would do in its place that would have her working with others. JMHO :001_smile:

[reign]

I would not want her to quit mid season but I wouldn't make her try out for next year. Do the girls have a group of friends they could get together with regularly to do non competitive type activities? Like a weekly tennis or volleyball group? We have a inside Wallyball/racketball place by us that my husband plays at weekly in a fun non serious way. Or maybe they would want to start a runnin group? Lots of time to socialize while running with friends.

 

[PeterPan]

Is there some reason he's worried about her regretting time not spent and accomplishments not gained in BASKETBALL if her love is ART?

 

I just finished reading Amy Chua's Tiger Mom book this morning. Might be a reflective thing for you to read, or at least I thought it was. Chua finally concludes that it wasn't her work ethic that was the problem so much as that she had picked the wrong thing to funnel it into. (Well that and a bunch of other mistakes she freely admits, but whatever.)

 

My dd isn't competitive either, and she's very creative, sort of like what you're describing, though hers is more with fabric, sculpting, that sort of thing, not drawing. We did a competition (not in art) this year, and while she did amazingly well, it didn't change her fundamental non-competitive nature. I don't even really understand it. I finally decided it was good enough that she saw she does good work, that there's a reward for good work, and that she can *choose* to apply herself to a level of work. I think Chua's observation is correct though, that sometimes with these kids a lower level of intensity is adequate. Like if your dd were playing pick-up basketball for a boy/girl club or Saturday ministry or something, that might be the level of participation she'd enjoy. There really is a stepping up. Maybe that energy you're funneling into unwanted practices would better put into something she could really thrive on and enjoy stepping up. If her art is that, cool, put it into her art. We have myriad stories on the hs board of people doing tons of really good art and whatever through high school and then going on to major in something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I think they need time to let the parts of their brain mature. When they're wanting to do that drawing, it's developing a whole aspect of their person. The diligence is the same as a sport, so why is it not a valid pursuit? I would think her regret would be the reverse, spending a lot of time on something she didn't love and NOT getting to spend it on something she could put her heart into.

[TarynB]

Agreeing with the previous posters.

 

I also see your husband's point. Belonging in/to a sports team does great things for some kids. If there must be a sport, how about trying a different one? Frankly, being good at and enjoying basketball takes a certain personality. More aggressive, physical contact. My DS can't do it. He just isn't wired that way. He loves to compete in certain sports, but basketball isn't his thing. (He prefers the more "gentleman-ly" sport of baseball most.) Maybe volleyball? Softball?

[xixstar]

I see a major improvement in my child's mood when she is involved in a sport so I would be motivated to have her continue if she is willing to. But if she hated it, then I wouldn't push. I'm feeling torn on this subject, my dd has played soccer for several years now but wants to not play next year, her senior year. But I'd really like her continue and honestly the impact it has on her mood is the biggest factor because otherwise she is sedentary. Not sure how much I'm going to push my dd to consider it (as in, asking her to still try out but it would still be her decision to play or not).

 

So yeah, I would encourage but not require it either. I can't see making a child unhappy at something but sometimes a little push can be a good thing too.

[Dmmetler]

I think I'd stick with a "you need something physical-what do you want to do?"-which may or may not be a team sport. Honestly, if I'd had to try to do a team sport in high school, I wouldn't have made it. I simply wasn't athletic-I was into music. So, lots of walking, PE class for the non-athletic types, and marching band were about the extent of my activities when I was your DD's age. In college, I took dance classes-basically every 1000 level beginning type class offered, whether it was a theatrical dance, ballroom, ballet, jazz, tap, modern, world dance, etc.

[Haiku]

Being forced to play sports when it's what your parents, not you, are interested in SUCKS. Ask me how I know.

 

Tara

[popmom]

Thank you so much for all the input. It really helps me put things into perspective. I have something to guide my thinking and discussion w/ my husband. Keep it coming!

[Pawz4me]

With the caveat that I strongly disagree with the notion of making a child participate in team sports --

 

She's 15. She's been playing for two seasons (that's certainly not what I'd call a "quitter"). She's having anxiety about it. I don't understand why making this decision is an issue at all.

[PeterPan]

I don't understand why making this decision is an issue at all.

 

 

Because people think if they parent perfectly they can determine how the child turns out. ;)

[Anne in CA]

Honestly, I would make sure that she cannot spend the time she spent at practice on the computer, but I would let her choose a physical activity. A good thing for such a kid might be a Venture Crew through BSA. They do lots of outdoor things, your child "belongs" to a thing, but a lot of scouting is always optional. A kid with low motivation can still turn up and do things, they just will not earn advancement if they do not put in work on their own time. That might be just the thing for your dd.

[TravelingChris]

My dd has been on summer swim teams and dive teams for years. This year, after being in a dive program all year, she has decided to be just in the summer dive program. I don't have such an issue with dropping a sport when it is not in the middle of the season. I would, however, make physical fitness in some way be a part of her life. It just doesn't have to be a team.

 

Now, if it is someone like Margaret in Co';s kid, who wants to go into an academy, they have to know sport or no academy. But if that isn't a question, team sports are not necessary.

[LaughingCat]

What is her twin doing that fulfills this requirement for team activity? In the OP it sounds as if she's just "riding on the coattails" of the basketball player? Hopefully I misunderstood that - but if so then IMO you really need to sit down and clarify what it is you want and then make sure BOTH of them are actively doing something to fulfill that requirement.

 

Once you decide what your real requirements are - team involvement, exercise, whatever else - then I would set it before each of them: this is what we require from you,. Here are ways you can get it (including basketball) or you can come up with your own ideas and we can discuss them.

[Southern Ivy]

I can't speak as a mom, but as a past athlete on competitive softball teams and a cheerleader, I would say that if she doesn't love it, then don't make her do it. I played basketball in elementary on the youth center league. I HATED it. (I also had bad asthma, so that didn't help. haha) But, my parents had me finish out the year and the year after is when I discovered softball. Traveling for tournaments can tire you out, but I still played softball from 4th grade until 10th, and I cheered throughout high school.

 

Why make her do something that she hates? I don't get it. I agree with a pp, 2 seasons does not make her a quitter. She tried something and has found she doesn't like it. Many of us have done the same thing with our careers! :)

If it were me, I'd see if I could get her into an art class at the community college next semester or at an art center in your city. Help to foster what she loves and is good at.

 

If the issue of teamwork is still brought up, what about a job, like someone else suggested?

[boscopup]

I'd let her quit. Make sure she is still getting plenty of physical activity (gym membership or something), but let her focus on an area she really enjoys - art.

 

I was never competitive in sports. I hated most sports. I hated PE. In high school, I was so happy I didn't have to take PE because I was in band (we got PE credit due to the grueling marching season). I LOVED band. I also LOVED horseback riding. So those were my two big things in high school. I didn't have to be competitive (while band does competitions and I did do horse shows, the main point of both activities was not to compete, kwim?). I did work on as a team in band and learned a lot of discipline there. But the biggest thing was that I enjoyed those activities.

 

I would NOT let her use her new found time on the computer, of course. Replace her basketball time with something else that is productive.

[katilac]

What sport does her twin play?

[In The Great White North]

When ds wasn't enthusiastic about swim team, I told him he could pick some other sport but had to do something (physical exercise). If he didn't pick another sport, the default was the swim team because I was already chauffeuring to that.

 

Turned out he didn't care enough about it to pick something else.

 

He would have preferred playing on the computer too, but needed the exercise.

[popmom]

What sport does her twin play?

 

She does not have the the athletic ability, so she wouldn't have made the team. Instead, she is one of the school photographers.

 

Also, we have tried to keep them (somewhat) in different activities (although they are both in the same art class) because they are identical, and we are wanting them to do some things separate from each other. We like for them to have the opportunity to branch out on their own a little bit. It's hard to explain...

 

Also, for exercise, her twin runs several times a week, but she does have asthma, so we have to be careful.

 

Also, want to add that it is not our intent to force anything on any of our girls. She says she is not sure if she wants to play, and I sense that deep down she really wants to quit, but I also sense that she could be persuaded to play again. That's where her dad and I come in. I think she is sort of waiting on us to say, "go ahead and quit. it's ok, we don't care one way or the other." But since we do care and are concerned... If she were absolutely adamant, declaring she would be absolutely miserable if she had to play again... lol Then this would be more clear cut. I don't know. Sometimes I think she would be miserable on varsity. They play more games.

[Rosie_0801]

 

Also, want to add that it is not our intent to force anything on any of our girls. She says she is not sure if she wants to play, and I sense that deep down she really wants to quit, but I also sense that she could be persuaded to play again. That's where her dad and I come in. I think she is sort of waiting on us to say, "go ahead and quit. it's ok, we don't care one way or the other." But since we do care and are concerned... If she were absolutely adamant, declaring she would be absolutely miserable if she had to play again... lol Then this would be more clear cut. I don't know. Sometimes I think she would be miserable on varsity. They play more games.

 

 

I'd do what she is doing if I didn't think I was allowed to be absolutely adamant too.

[Spy Car]

Under the circumstances...I think she'd be playing.

 

I'm sticking with "man-thinking" :D

 

Bill

[lmrich]

Life is too short to spend your extra time doing something you hate. See if she likes volleyball or track or something else. I detested basketball, and I was so tall in high school the coach recruited me, but I stunk! Great at volleyball. But did not like it, but I did not hate it.

[In The Great White North]

She says she is not sure if she wants to play,

 

Sounds like she's OK with it.

 

If she's OK with it, you would prefer she do it, it's healthy, etc, why would you encourage her to quit?

 

She doesn't have to be excited about it - she's probably not excited about lots of things she does. If it were preventing her from doing something she was excited about, it might be different, but a few more hours of computer time doesn't justify quitting.

[regentrude]

She tried it for two years and never loved it. I'd let her quit.

I consider it important that my children are involved in regular physical activities, but it does not have to be an organized ball sport with a team. I would insist that she find another activity to replace the sport so that she gets exercise, but at this age, SHE should be the one to choose, not the parents. The goal should be to build up a lifelong habit of being physically active, and a hated activity mandated by the parents contributes little towards this goal.

[ktgrok]

I prefer having fitness as part of life. My boys can choose from any sport available locally, but they can't sit on their duffs. They've both decided that being on a team is easier than going solo, and they are both happy to be physically fit. They have learned to put the effort in, and know that the coaches here won't put them on the Varsity if they aren't giving reasonable effort.

 

In your situation, I'd not let her quit unless she has an alternative that has her moving her body, maintaining or building fitness, at least 10 hrs a week, as the JV schedule does. Zumba, whatever.

 

 

ooh, yeah. that seems fair. let her try something else if she wants, maybe over the summer. rowing, rock climbing, dance, etc. If she's artistic dance might be a better fit.

[ktgrok]

She does not have the the athletic ability, so she wouldn't have made the team. Instead, she is one of the school photographers.

 

Also, we have tried to keep them (somewhat) in different activities (although they are both in the same art class) because they are identical, and we are wanting them to do some things separate from each other. We like for them to have the opportunity to branch out on their own a little bit. It's hard to explain...

 

Also, for exercise, her twin runs several times a week, but she does have asthma, so we have to be careful.

 

Also, want to add that it is not our intent to force anything on any of our girls. She says she is not sure if she wants to play, and I sense that deep down she really wants to quit, but I also sense that she could be persuaded to play again. That's where her dad and I come in. I think she is sort of waiting on us to say, "go ahead and quit. it's ok, we don't care one way or the other." But since we do care and are concerned... If she were absolutely adamant, declaring she would be absolutely miserable if she had to play again... lol Then this would be more clear cut. I don't know. Sometimes I think she would be miserable on varsity. They play more games.

 

 

Maybe talk to her, see if there is something she'd like better? A job? Drama club? Choir? Yearbook? Journalism? Track? Rock Climbing? Ball room dancing?

[Farrar]

If it's about team experiences, might she enjoy something like Destination Imagination or Odyssey of the Mind? She could use her artistic talents as part of a team instead.

 

My (much younger) kids are similarly indifferent about activities sometimes and it's similarly hard to gauge. I get it. At this age, I would just leave it up to her. Instead of you agonizing, I'd let her do it.

[Southern Ivy]

So to summarize the concerns: 1) She is very unmotivated generally speaking. Not much work ethic. Does not really give her best effort even w/ school work. 2) The need to be involved in something "organized" (sports is just about the only option here) in order to learn teamwork and be well rounded and not be isolated. 3) If she quits, she will want to spend that time on the computer.

 

I was thinking about this when I was going home and thought of one of my sister's friends - especially concerning #1. This friend is well into her 20s now, played sports all through high school and did everything you are saying will make your daughter a well-rounded girl. Despite all of this, this girl is honest to goodness one of the laziest people I know. It's pretty sad.

I do think work ethic can be instilled in a person. I do think that sports and teamwork can promote a lot of personal growth. I don't, however, believe it will be the cure-all for no work ethic. My sister's friend is a prime example.

 

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, and I'm certainly not insinuating that your child will be a bum like this girl, but going back to the sports issue - this one decision won't make or break your child's work ethic. Continuing to do so would be an issue, but once certainly won't. And, honestly, if it were me and I had to continue playing if I didn't want to, I'd put in as little effort as I could (which just reinforces the lack of motivation).

 

Just something to think about. And I really hope this made sense because I'm full of sinus medication right now! :)

[Tracy]

IMO, sports is just not the forum to teach a kid not to quit. They just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Teach a child not to quit when it really matters--a job, a passion, an instrument, a friend or family member, a charity, your religion. I have a good friend who recently shared with me that she chose volleyball over piano at that age. She loved volleyball immensely, but she regrets her decision now. She would have gotten a lifetime of joy out of piano, but only got a few years of joy out of volleyball.

[Spy Car]

I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum regarding the importance of team sports than many posters on this forum. Playing team sports (especially football and rugby, in my case) has brought a life-time of benefit extending well beyond the active playing years.

 

The lessons of discipline, team work, sacrifice, hard work, preservence in the face of adversity, leadership, and common purpose are deep.

 

When I was a kid one of the annoying sports aphorisms going around (if memory serves it was attributed to the then head coach of the Los Angeles Rams, George Allen) was, "A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins."

 

As annoying as that might be, there is a boulder of truth in it.

 

Bill

 

 

[Spy Car]

 

 

This can be accomplished more than one way though. I didn't have the opportunity to play sports because I had to work. It required discipline, team work, sacrifice, hard work, perseverance in the face of adversity, leadership, and a common purpose. Yes, all of those things.

 

 

Maybe yes, maybe no. In my work experience I've noticed a big difference between "team players" who knew when to lead and when to execute the goals of the team leader, and employees who worked for their own purposes (and often against the success of the greater goal).

 

I think team sports are a very important way of fostering the spirit of team work. And far more likely than the work environment (where personal politics and ambition is too often the dominant group dynamic) to teach cooperation and team building. I'm sure there are exceptions, but...

 

Bill

[Tracy]

The lessons of discipline, team work, sacrifice, hard work, preservence in the face of adversity, leadership, and common purpose are deep.

 

 

That works if you really have a common purpose. If your kid doesn't care about getting that ball in the goal or think that winning a game is a worthwhile endeavor, then all you are doing is imposing discipline, team work, sacrifice, hard work, perseverance, etc. That is not the same as feeling it. You have to start with something that really matters to the person. If, for example, helping the poor is important to the child, then working with Habitat for Humanity will get you to the same end.

[Spy Car]

 

 

I think if a 15 year old doesn't really want to be in the sport they aren't going to be working for the success of the team.

 

 

Maybe. Not every recruit enters the Army fired up about being a soldier either, but you still send them to boot-camp and hope they come out more disciplined than they went in.

 

A parent (and in this case it is the father's position) can hope the girl will be exposed positively to team values and get physical conditioning by playing ball. Reasonable expectations. And that the alternative would negative. I'm pretty sympathetic to this way of thinking.

 

Bill

[katilac]

IMO, sports is just not the forum to teach a kid not to quit. They just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Teach a child not to quit when it really matters--a job, a passion, an instrument, a friend or family member, a charity, your religion. I have a good friend who recently shared with me that she chose volleyball over piano at that age. She loved volleyball immensely, but she regrets her decision now. She would have gotten a lifetime of joy out of piano, but only got a few years of joy out of volleyball.

 

 

I'm not a sporty person at all, but I don't really 'get' this example. One can enjoy recreational sports as an adult just as much as one can enjoy recreational music. I know plenty of people who have been playing adult rec sports for 20+ years: male and female, volleyball, softball, whatever.

 

So, I do think sports area as likely as any hobby to deliver a lifetime of enjoyment. I do not, however, think they are the only or necessarily the best way to teach discipline, team work, persistence in the face of adversity, and so on. There are numerous ways to do that. WendyK's example of actual, y'know, work, is one of my favorites, but there are many ways to accomplish it.

[ktgrok]

Maybe yes, maybe no. In my work experience I've noticed a big difference between "team players" who knew when to lead and when to execute the goals of the team leader, and employees who worked for their own purposes (and often against the success of the greater goal).

 

I think team sports are a very important way of fostering the spirit of team work. And far more likely than the work environment (where personal politics and ambition is too often the dominant group dynamic) to teach cooperation and team building. I'm sure there are exceptions, but...

 

Bill

 

 

Or...people that are naturally team players gravitate towards team sports :)

[kiana]

I don't know about teamwork. I really do think though that being involved in some physical activity is extremely good. Does she have something else that she would like to replace it with? Otherwise, you could suggest to her that if she doesn't like basketball, she can come up with a feasible alternative and you'll be happy to consider it.

 

ETA: Personally I loathe team sports and being forced to do them would have just been torture. But I really love martial arts, I'm so glad I found it as an adult and I wish I'd found it sooner. This may color my thinking.

[Spy Car]

 

 

That works if you really have a common purpose. If your kid doesn't care about getting that ball in the goal or think that winning a game is a worthwhile endeavor, then all you are doing is imposing discipline, team work, sacrifice, hard work, perseverance, etc. That is not the same as feeling it. You have to start with something that really matters to the person. If, for example, helping the poor is important to the child, then working with Habitat for Humanity will get you to the same end.

 

 

I think it is far preferable for "drive" to come from with-in. But when it doesn't it may be our job as parents to impose expectations on our children. That is part of parenting.

 

A child might not care to build a home for the homeless, but one might require them to get out and do it anyway, hoping the experience would build character (and help get a home built) in the process. I doubt there is one of us that does not require our children to do something those children would rather not do otherwise. Right?

 

Bill

 

 

 

 

[katilac]

Maybe yes, maybe no. In my work experience I've noticed a big difference between "team players" who knew when to lead and when to execute the goals of the team leader, and employees who worked for their own purposes (and often against the success of the greater goal).

 

I think team sports are a very important way of fostering the spirit of team work. And far more likely than the work environment (where personal politics and ambition is too often the dominant group dynamic) to teach cooperation and team building. I'm sure there are exceptions, but...

 

Bill

 

 

You can certainly encounter encounter personal ambition and a negative group dynamic in a work environment, but you can also certainly encounter it in a team sports environment. Both places often fall short of the ideal. That doesn't negate their usefulness overall.

[katilac]

 

Or...people that are naturally team players gravitate towards team sports :)

 

 

Yes indeed. I think we need to be careful not to worship at the altar of being a team player. There are many ways of being happy and successful.

[Spy Car]

 

 

Or...people that are naturally team players gravitate towards team sports :)

 

 

I think team work is learned. I've been coaching youth basketball and lacrosse for the past couple years, and little kids come in being all about "me" and as the season progresses they learn the value of team work. Team work is something that is in large measure instilled through the process in my experience. And it builds from year to year.

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

Well it's hard for me to get past the fact I'm terrible at sports. Being forced to play a sport would be very painful for me (mentally painful). I would not gain anything positive from the experience. Thankfully my parents didn't force me to do it. And yes, I have tried various things. As a teen I was very small. So unless I looked into being a jockey or something where small is good there weren't many options for me. Plus I'm not very coordinated.

 

I think my husband feels the same way (about himself).

 

 

Realize this girl's parents exempted her twin because she did not have the physical attributes necessary to compete in basketball. This is evidently not the case with the girl in question. And she doesn't "hate" the game, she just doesn't "love it." If there was another sport she'd prefer, I would be open to a switch (in this family's position) but playing sports and being fit are physically virtuous activities in my reasoning.

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

 

 

Yes indeed. I think we need to be careful not to worship at the altar of being a team player. There are many ways of being happy and successful.

 

 

I think if you look at the history of the past centuries that nations with a strong traditions of team sports are at the pinnacle of economic, geo-political, and economic success. One can argue collalation vs causation, but the old saw that "the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton" holds a good deal of truth to me.

 

Bill

[Tracy]

A child might not care to build a home for the homeless, but one might require them to get out and do it anyway, hoping the experience would build character (and help get a home built) in the process. I doubt there is one of us that does not require our children to do something those children would rather not do otherwise. Right?

 

 

 

I agree, but I don't see any intrinsic value in sports, except where there is an internal interest for it. If someone had forced me to play a game where I had to get that ball in a basket in order to support my teammates who were doing the same, I would have seriously rebelled. I have had many, many opportunities to achieve the same ends through other means. Assuming for the sake of argument that you have a child that literally cares about nothing, I don't get why you would choose to force sports on that child for character development, as opposed to a job or volunteer work.

 

So absolutely, we all require our children to do things they don't want to do--things they will have to do in order to be successful adults. But get the ball in the basket? Can't rationalize that one.

[Luanne]

But no child is going to not succeed in life just because they wouldn't continue in a sport (GAME) for years and years when they didn't like it. Even an adult will go find a different job if they truly do not like the one they have.

[journey00]

Oh wow, this is tough & I hear your dilemma. :(

 

22 yr ds: I forced him to play Jr. High football 1 yr because he had the "body" of a football player, tall & muscular. After the season, he asked to please quit because he felt like he was in boot camp! lol He's now been in the Army for 3 yrs & is thriving & has to do a lot of physical training there. Funny...he did end up in a boot camp/basic training camp anyway. lol.

7th grade dd: LOVES sports: basketball, soccer, softball, tumbling, cheer. Played since K, now plays competitive soccer. Never had to force her to be at practices/games...she wanted to play with a fever & strep throat once...uhm no.

3rd grade ds: played basketball, tried swimming team...but...eh...it was just ok for him personally. LOVES Tae Kwon Do, never has to be forced to classes or learn terminology, loves to compete in tournaments.

2nd grade dd: LOVES cheer/tumbling, never has to be forced to attend classes. If interest continues and grows, then will try for competitve cheer in a couple of yrs.

 

I think I would let her quit if she didn't LOVE it and find a different sport. Also, if they sign up, I make them finish the season no matter what because we made a committment & they need to see it through until the end of the season.

[journey00]

I have to add that there's nothing wrong with not playing a sport...my oldest did not & he's doing very very well in the Army. He just wan't that type and I had to come to terms with it. We are not really a sports oriented family. My husband does not watch sports on tv nor did he play any sports in school...neither did I. I want them involved in a sport for the interaction & physical activity which is maybe how your husband feels? Maybe she feels out of place on the school's basketball team? Sometimes, they get to talking about what is going on at school & the homeschooler feels left out. Is there a homeschoolers' basketball team that's not as competitive but they may have more in common because they are all homeschoolers? I think it is GREAT that she's so artistic, continue to encourage that!

 

Sorry for the serial post. lol

[popmom]

I have to add that there's nothing wrong with not playing a sport...my oldest did not & he's doing very very well in the Army. He just wan't that type and I had to come to terms with it. We are not really a sports oriented family. My husband does not watch sports on tv nor did he play any sports in school...neither did I. I want them involved in a sport for the interaction & physical activity which is maybe how your husband feels? Maybe she feels out of place on the school's basketball team? Sometimes, they get to talking about what is going on at school & the homeschooler feels left out. Is there a homeschoolers' basketball team that's not as competitive but they may have more in common because they are all homeschoolers? I think it is GREAT that she's so artistic, continue to encourage that!

 

Sorry for the serial post. lol

 

 

It actually is an "all homeschooler" team. We are very fortunate to have it. They play in a division that plays small private Christian schools and other similar homeschool teams.

[popmom]

 

I'd do what she is doing if I didn't think I was allowed to be absolutely adamant too.

 

 

She knows she can tell us how she really feels. She has been in a situation before when she has adamantly insisting on quitting. It happened to be a basketball day camp. She hated it, and let us know in no uncertain terms. Her reasons were valid, so we didn't make her go back. We found a different camp later that she loved attending.

 

This has been a very interesting discussion. I'm taking it all into consideration. Thanks to all of you who have responded.

[J-rap]

I would let her quit. One of my daughters was a great swimmer, one of the tops in the state in her event. She swam for years, but when she was about 16, she admitted that she hated the meets. She loved swimming on her own, but didn't like the competition at all. We encouraged to stick with it for awhile, but she was really unhappy. So we let her quit. Did she ever regret it? No, not a bit.

 

She remained very active, and took up biking and running. She is still very active, loves to keep in shape. She just likes to do it her way. :)