36w breech baby and feelings of guilt - update

[happyhomemaker25]

Update: So I went to the chiropractor yesterday and really enjoyed the experience. Nothing much happened until I was on my way to the OB this morning for my weekly check. There was some seriously intense activity and I thought I was going to have to pull of the road. I could not tell by outside feel, but I was kind of hoping he'd flipped. Well the OB was checking me out and was talking about how I was softening up but not dilating. He was taking his gloves off when the nurse and I asked at the same time if he was still breech. The OB was like, "Oh, was he breech. No, I'm sure that was the head." He even checked again and said it was definitely the head. Of course now every time baby moves I'm like, "NO! Stay down!" I keep trying to check to see if I can still feel the head down low. I go for my u/s on Monday so we'll find out for sure. Now, I'm trying to decide whether to keep the chiropractor appointment I have tomorrow. When I asked her Wed. if he turned if coming back would turn him again she said no, it would help him stay in place. I think I'll go tomorrow and then just hold off on making any more appointments. It's $25 a visit and we are on a tight budget. I'm also worried that he'll flip back... he's been squirming around a lot ever since this morning. PAINFULLY so! :) I'm not complaining squirm, baby, squirm, just stay DOWN! :) I am 36w 5d today.

 

 

 

 

My baby started 30w breech, turned head down around 32w, went back to breech at 35w and I'm still sitting breech. I have an appointment with a chiropractor on Wednesday to see if the Webster technique will work. I'm also trying all the other "stuff" that's supposed to help baby turn.

I've cried all day. I feel so dumb. How many people would love to just have a baby? I struggled with infertility for 9 years. Got my sweet little girl, had a horrific ectopic experience and two early miscarriages, and now I have another miracle baby, why am I so upset that I might have to have a c-section? I know some of it is hormones, but every time I think of a c-section I think of when I pushed my daughter out. I had an epidural pump (after 12 hours of pitocin labor I gave in and got the epidural) I stopped pumping the last hour and was able to feel to push and everything. I loved pushing her out. I loved when they plopped her on my stomach and we just stared at each other. I loved being able to touch her. Now, when I think about not getting all that with my son it breaks my heart. I know in the end what really matters is that he's healthy and here.

I guess I'm also just a little tired of everyone acting like a c-section is no big deal. My mom today was upset that I'm going to a chiropractor. She does not like chiropractors (really bad experience a long time ago), she thinks I should just take what I have and be thankful. I am trying so hard to keep that in mind. I keep thinking if I have a c-section it's not the end of the world and in the end I still get this amazing little person to take home and love and nurture. I guess I'm just grieving the loss of the experience that I had with my daughter. (I know no guarantees that it would be the same)

I keep praying that this baby will turn. I only have about 3 weeks left and he was already about a pound bigger than he was supposed to be at his growth scan 2 weeks ago. I think he has room though he's been rolling around like crazy. A couple of times this past weekend I really though he'd turned. My whole stomach was moving and shaking. LOL

Anyway, I'm really trying to keep my whining to a minimum IRL, so I just needed somewhere to share my feelings. I've shared them so many times with DH and he's trying so hard to understand, but really he does not get it either. He keeps telling me we just want a healthy baby and we should be thankful that we get to have this baby. He really says that trying to help. He's also helping with exercises and was ok with the whole chiropractor thing even though he's not big into chiropractors either. ;) In just a month's time I'm going to be sitting here holding my baby and telling you all my birth story. I want so badly to have peace either way it goes I just wish I could stop crying and thinking about what I really want. I want to just accept that it might not happen that way...

[AndyJoy]

My late-night-pregnancy-freak-out last night was contemplating the possibility of a C-section! The thought didn't really cross my mind with my DS and I got the easy delivery I was hoping for. My best friend just had her 3rd C-section last week, and that got me thinking about it. I don't really have advice for you, just :grouphug: . C-sections may be common, but they are still a big deal--it is major abdominal surgery after all! It's hard to shift your thinking when you've been visualizing something a certain way. I'm sure you'll find the strength to face it and will cherish those first moments with your new little one too, in spite of the different circumstances.

[Sisyphus]

Aw, I'm sorry! He may still turn- my oldest turned breech at 37 weeks, I'm retrospect I ought to have known, but it was my first pregnancy and I didn't. What a surprise to get dilated and find a butt not a head, despite an ultrasound not 10 days old with him head down. The good news- breech doesn't have to be a c section, if you have acknowledgeable doctor willing to try. Or in my case a midwife, the dr, a resident, called a CNm in who had experience and she delivered Ds. This was a military hospital though, and i think the general culture of non litigiousness (is that a word?) helped. Still, it didn't go nearly as planned, expected or even dreamed. Bad all around. And yet, he is now almost 15 and that mess of a birth is just a blip on the radar. Given all the things over the years that have gone wildly wrong from my plans, and are patently unfair, the birth experience is very small.

 

Which doesn't at all mean you ought not be sad, frustrated, and angry- totally normal to be, and totally ok. It's ok to cry and rage over it! I just mean in the end, it will be ok, no matter what happens. You will get through this, and it will be ok!

[Ali in OR]

You'll have an amazing birth story either way. My 2nd dd flipped all through the end of pregnancy. The plan was to go in a few days before her due date and check her position by ultrasound. If head down, induce. If not, try to flip her. Head was down, pitocin started, and an hour later when the doctor checked on me, baby was sideways! She explained about risks if the cord were to come out first, and with one disabled child already, it was pretty clear that a c-section was the way to go. But see? We still have a birth story, unique to this child. Recovery was definitely longer but went fine. Baby was perfect. It will be okay, however it turns out.

[aufan]

Any chance you can get a version done if the chiro doesn't work? Also have you checked out spinning babies? My 2nd was breach at 37.5 weeks and tried all the tricks but ended up having my OB do a version to get him to turn. It worked and he stayed that way and was born a few days later with no issues. My OB had done a lot of them and I am not sure that all OBs do but it might be something to check into!

[PeterPan]

My baby was posterior (not breech, I know) and turned completely with 2 sessions of Webster. So if your baby is still moving that much and has that much room, there's definitely hope it could work! :)

[Dahliarw]

A c-section is a big deal, and it's really unfair for others to minimize that aspect for you.

 

It's not just the surgery, it's not getting the experience you were looking forward to and want. There is a good reason that there is a higher rate of PPD amongst births that require interventions like c/s.

 

As for chiro, I've had wonderful luck with mine. But I went to a highly recommended one that specialized in pregnant women. I didn't go for breech, I went for hip pain so bad I could hardly walk during my 2nd pregnancy. 3 adjustments and it was gone! I still go monthly because my sacrum pops out of alignment really easily and then I end up with lower back pain. Going in monthly keeps this from happening or getting too bad. So chiros can be really good. I hope the webster technique works!

 

If it doesn't, don't schedule a c/s. I knkow the doc will pressure you to, but don't. They can section after you go into labor, and it's better for baby to have some contractions rather than none. The other reason is that sometimes babies turn when labor starts. So definitely have them check the baby's position before you consent to the c/s while in labor.

 

You also could consider an external version.

 

And you are not dumb. Some babies just like to position themselves breech. It has nothing to do with you or anything you have done. You can try whatever there is and see if baby will turn, and if not then you know you did your best.

[Lawana]

There are two different things going on here.

 

First, birthing babies is a natural process that has gone on for a very long time. That doesn't mean that sometimes things don't go awry. They do. But less often than we might be lead to believe. I have no idea how to calculate the impact the expectation of a "normal" birth might affect the birthing outcome versus anticipation of a complicated delivery.

 

Second, in the end, a healthy baby really does matter. As does a healthy mother. There are women traumatized by an unnecessary C-section , and women traumatized by a vaginal birth that would have been better off being sectioned. And yes, I know one personally.

 

As a type 2 diabetic, you are already faced with a medicalized version of what might be otherwise considered a natural event. I do not envy your choices. If you are to be considered a "compliant" patient, you would readily agree to a surgical delivery for whatever reasons your OB suggests. If you insist on a more natural version, you risk being labeled "noncompliant", even if that is what ends up being in your (and your baby's) best interest.

 

 

[NorthwestMom]

I loved when they plopped her on my stomach and we just stared at each other. I loved being able to touch her. Now, when I think about not getting all that with my son it breaks my heart.

 

 

Are you SURE you can't have that with a C-section? I had a C-section with my first and third babies, and a VBAC with #2, so I've done it both ways. With both C-sections (which were in different hospitals), they presented me the baby right away and I was able to kiss and hold them (with DH right there too). They only took them for a moment to do the APGARS and look them over as I recall. I was also able to attempt nursing right away and it really was not all that different than the VBAC. I can imagine it would be different for people who are having a C-section due to their own physical problems or a baby in distress, but for a planned breech delivery (which was my first C-section too), it's pretty routine and they want you to be with the baby, in my experience.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry you are worrying!

[nd293]

I know in the end what really matters is that he's healthy and here.

 

 

Well, all I can say is a friend said those exact words to me when I was in your position, and although I never said anything to her, I never got over it, and our friendship never felt the same again. Of course the 'how' of birth matters, and you have the right to mourn! I think it's insulting to expect you not to hope for the best birth possible for your little one. Go ahead and cry, I did in your position.

 

But, when you're finished crying, spend some time being thankful for the miracle of the C-section, should you need it. And be thankful that we live in a time where we have access to information so that you can do your research and opt to try a chiropractor. Have you tried to find a doctor or midwife willing to try to turn your baby? As irony would have it, the above mentioned friend had this done, and went on to birth at home.

 

I had a home birth with dd. Ds was transverse breech and I had complete placenta previa. I had an emergency C-section, and did not get to touch him for 12 hours. As strange as it sounds, I really didn't need to, I felt wholly connected to him - how he was born had absolutely no impact on that feeling. After the immediate experience of the C-section had worn off I found myself speaking as if he'd been born vaginally, and having to correct myself. What I'm trying to say is that although I completely understand (and shared) your sadness at the experience you won't be sharing with your son, for me that feeling later got lost in a muddle of joyful memories about birth generally.

 

I hope your little one turns, and if not I hope you tackle the c-section proudly and proactively, and make it the best possible experience for you and your son.

[Mama Geek]

I went in wanting to do a vaginal birth without drugs and labored that way for 10 hours before starting to push. I ended up with a C-section. I maybe spent an hour in recovery after seeing daddy holding dd. You know I didn't get to hold dd, but dh did. Dd was just fine and dh got to spend those precious moments with dd even though I didn't. It wasn't ideally what I wanted as far as the birth goes, but I am thrilled that dh was with dd, when things didn't go as planned.

[G5052]

I hope your little one turns, and if not I hope you tackle the c-section proudly and proactively, and make it the best possible experience for you and your son.

 

I had one surprise breech that turned into a c-section, and one VBAC.

 

And frankly more than a decade later, I rarely think about it at all. Mostly I'm enjoying them!

[funathome]

:grouphug:

I am a L&D RNC. I deal with your situations every time I go into work.

 

When you get to the hospital to begin your wonderful experience, ask to speak to the charge RN. Let her know what you are desiring ~ VERBALLY~ !! (Never write a birth plan as it is the "kiss of a C/S" as we L&D RN call it!!) There are many different types of L&D RN's and if at all possible get paired with the right one to support your desires. The charge RN will know what types of personalities she has on deck for the day. I tend more towards natural, love Doula's but will do what ever I can to help the patient achieve her optimal birthing experience. So I get asked to take those patients. We have another RN who loves the OR, so she tends towards our scheduled C/S patients.

 

I have had a lady in labor who started vertex (by bedside US scan). Wasn't making cervical change so MD scanned her and baby was then a transverse lye. We waited a while and did various position changes to see what baby did (RN to work with you and be an advocate for you). Later (with in set time parameters) the baby flipped back to Vertex and we had a SVD! I just cried.

 

Every birth is beautiful and a gift from God. You are right. Hormones are there and a 'happenin'. :willy_nilly:

 

You are blessed and my prayers are with you. :)

 

Amy :seeya:

[MomtoCandJ]

Ok this may sound dumb but WHY are they now doing c-sections for breech babies? My middle DB was born breech with NO interventions, both my mom and DB are fine.

[MomtoCandJ]

Opps double post

[Butter]

melissa, quite simply: defensive obstetrics. OBs are afraid of getting sued. Also, most OBs have never delivered a breech baby since so many are automatic c/s and so are not comfortable with it or experienced anymore.

 

Julie, the fact is, even though many people would love to have a baby, your reality right now is a possible c/s that you do not wish to have. Ultimately, yes, getting the baby out safely is the priority, but it is perfectly okay (and good) to grieve over the birth you may not get to have. It's okay to be sad about it. Sadness and grief are not on a scale that should be compared to anyone else's. It is yours and it's okay. Hopefully the baby will turn for you. I had a breech (transverse) baby until a bit past 38 weeks (my second) when he suddenly decided he wanted to go head down. It definitely can happen.

[CupOCoffee]

Well, I am a Mom who had 2 breech babies, 5 years apart; they totally kept their little heads near my heart-beat! I had c-sections, but I BIRTHED 2 babies nonetheless. Don't get me wrong, I grieved both c-sections, especially the second - I was devastated when they told me she was still breech at 38 weeks -- she was also 10 lbs 3 ozs at birth!! But like someone said up thread: go ahead and grieve the experience you won't have by a vaginal birth, and *embrace* the birth opportunity you CAN have with the section. Unless you are knocked out, there is no reason why you can't have the baby laid on you, touch your baby, and attempt nursing. None whatsoever.

 

There are things you can make sure of even with a c-section. So have a time of sorrow, yes! But then pick yourself up and think about the things you would like to see happen in spite of the section. My births were wonderful, and my husband and I are so grateful for the experiences (especially him as he held them first both times, fresh out of the womb) we had. I believe going into the situation with a healthy perspective rather than feeling like you are being robbed, also helps the recovery, for whatever that's worth! :)

 

~coffee~

[MomtoCandJ]

Ohhh, so sue happy society, it's a CYA type thing. Oh those sue happy people make life so interesting/ difficult for the rest of us.

[ktgrok]

First, hugs. Major surgery is never "no big deal". Your health and bodily integrity matter,and anyone who doesn't get that needs to be quiet. If I were in your shoes I'd contact your local ICAN chapter today, and get their view on some of the things I am going to bring up. They will have the pulse of the local community and know which doctors have good success rates with different things.

 

Second, lets explore your options.

 

1. Baby turns. Obviously that is the best option and one you need to do whatever you can to encourage.

 

2. External version. This can be an excellent option, but some doctors have more success than others. Ask around. Call around.

 

3. Breech vaginal birth. Recently studies have shown (again) that breech vaginal birth with an experienced provider is JUST as safe as breech c-section. In other words, having a c-section is just as risky as the breech vaginal birth. The tricky part there is the "experienced provider". Some doctors have experience with vaginal breech and some don't. Vaginal breech with a doctor that is NOT experienced in it IS riskier than a c-section. So ICAN might be able to steer you to someone.

 

4. C-section, but waiting until labor starts.

 

5, c-section, scheduled

 

google gentle cesarean and family friendly cesarean for some interesting ideas.

 

hugs!

[KungFuPanda]

My son was breech on his due date, but he turned before I went into natural labor 5 days later. I did have an OB who would deliver a breech vaginally to back up my midwife. Without a medical team that is confident and competent to deliver a breech, it's just not going to happen. I don't know HOW he turned. He was big and there was no room in there, but he did it. He was 9 lbs and easier to deliver than my first who was 5 1/2 lbs . . . and I'm small with narrow hips, so try not to fear a baby that's over 7lbs. In fact, try not to believe the measurements they give you. I was told that BOTH of mine were about 7 lbs.

[texasmama]

(((hugs))) It's okay to be upset that you might have to have major surgery. It doesn't mean you are ungrateful.

 

My last two babies were breech. Baby #3 turned on his own at 37-38 weeks and was born a week and a half early once he got into position. Baby #4 was breech and transverse (flipped between the two). I went to see a chiropractor at 32 weeks and had the Webster method done, which is completely painless and gentle. She was born two days before her due date head-down.

 

I ended my childbirth career never having a C-section. It's okay, mama. It will be okay even if you have to have a C-section. I will pray for you. (((hugs)))

[kathkath]

Hugs!!! work on adjusting your expectations so you can find joy in any delivery method.

[Ravin]

I understand your feelings. My DS was flipping back and forth and didn't settle head down until 39 wks. He was born at 42 weeks 1 day--I went into labor literally hours before my midwife (my 2nd was planned to be a homebirth VBAC) was going to have to turn care over to an OB.

 

I did wind up with a C-section, because DS had the cord wrapped over his shoulder and basically got hung up on it.

 

My advice is tell your mother to stuff it. The Webster technique works for many people. I'd also avoid the induction route--that's the path that led to my first C-section.

[ktgrok]

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/08/obgyn-of-canada-vaginal-breech-birth-as.html

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[PeterPan]

(Never write a birth plan as it is the "kiss of a C/S" as we L&D RN call it!!)

 

 

Can you tell more about this? I've never had a birth in a hospital. I remember reading about birth plans in the books I read for my first dc, so I just assumed it was what people did. Seems illogical to me, because in the heat of the moment nobody is pulling up a piece of paper (all that matters is who's with you and whether they're onboard and able to help with what you want), but whatever. I also didn't realize about the blended dynamic of nurses and styles in hospital settings, very interesting. Is that common or more typical to say larger birthing facilities?

 

Oh, I'm not pregnant, but my last one was 11 lb. We pretty much decided we better have a better back-up plan if we get pregnant again. Either that or figure out how to have a smaller baby. Don't wanna hit 13. The nursing dynamic you were explaining seems like a good way to evaluate potential hospitals. Not that I need one right now. :D

[dirty ethel rackham]

melissa, quite simply: defensive obstetrics. OBs are afraid of getting sued. Also, most OBs have never delivered a breech baby since so many are automatic c/s and so are not comfortable with it or experienced anymore.

 

Julie, the fact is, even though many people would love to have a baby, your reality right now is a possible c/s that you do not wish to have. Ultimately, yes, getting the baby out safely is the priority, but it is perfectly okay (and good) to grieve over the birth you may not get to have. It's okay to be sad about it. Sadness and grief are not on a scale that should be compared to anyone else's. It is yours and it's okay. Hopefully the baby will turn for you. I had a breech (transverse) baby until a bit past 38 weeks (my second) when he suddenly decided he wanted to go head down. It definitely can happen.

 

 

It is not just CYA, though that is part of it. From what I was told, the learning curve for a vaginal breech is about 3 years. The learning curve for a c-section is 3 months. Many just aren't learning how to do vaginal breech births. The other is malpractice. Many carriers will not cover vaginal breech, even if they have experience at it. That is what happened to one of the docs here that was most experienced in vag. breech delivery.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I felt the same way with my 3rd. We tried for over 3 years, had a miscarriage, had surgery and infertility treatments and finally got pg on our 3rd IUI. He was found to be breach at 34 weeks and he was big, my placenta was anterior so we couldn't do a version. I had a natural midwife birth with my first and a homebirth with my 2nd so the thought of a cs was rally upsetting. I was still grateful for my baby and pregnancy of course! But I just kept thinking, they're going to strap my hands down and take my baby from me, stealing those precious first minutes from me- and all because of routine procedure. I think in cases of non emergent cs they really need to make the mother feel more involved instead of whisking her baby away until she gets to recovery, obviously if the baby is in distress they need to do this, but if they're both doing fine then why not assist the mother in hs'ing her baby right away, etc. That's what I was mostly stressed about, I wanted those first hours, I had waited so long for them. Perhaps you could talk to your doctor about this, see if they'll be willing to bend a few of the routines.

 

As it turned out, after I tried everything I could from spinning babies.com, I made my peace with him being breech. I decided that maybe that's how he needed to be born, maybe his cord was preventing him from turning, and in the end I wanted my baby here and well, so if he needed a cs, then so be it. I had the Webster done at 36 weeks and he wiggled and jiggled happily and turned head down in 3 hours! He stayed that way until I delivered naturally at 41 weeks, he was almost 9 lbs. :)

[MrsJewelsRae]

I forgot to add, my ds was a kneeling breech, so there was no way we could attempt vaginal birth with that position. Honestly, I don't know that I could personally try for a vag breech myself, it means automatic transfer to OB and most of them just have no clue nowadays how to safely deliver a breech. Plus I knew someone who lost a footling breech baby while attempting a vaginal birth just the year before and I was too scared.

 

Hoping your babe will turn, but I pray everything goes amazing for you regardless. :)

[Um_2_4]

Man, I could have written your post (with a few minor changes). I was told I would never have babies, then 7 years later, surprise DS9 (natural, no IV, great, went home <24 hours), then DD6 (longer labor, still natural, went home <24 hours). Then I got pg W/#3, then at 11 weeks, SURPRISE twins!! The OB I had seen 1st, told me that at my hospital ALL twin births are c/s!!! So I researched and found an OB who would deliver twins V (even if baby B was breech) pretty hard to find. She even had twins that had been delivered V. So all good right???

Nope then I went into preterm labor, bedrest... ok...then at 37 weeks I went off meds and went into labor. Went to the hospital, and SURPRISE baby a was transverse (sideways) and chins were almost hooked onto each other, no way to move them. So off to c/s I went... no time to process, no time to prepare...I did not see them for almost 12 hours (they were fine, it was me).

All that to say, check out your hospital, talk to the head nurse, tell DH what to do (ask them to let you nurse, see baby ASAP, etc.). Prepare yourself and then let it go. When and if it is needed, you can be mentally prepared. (I will say my DH was not prepared, some of the stuff he said in the OR was NOT helpful, like about what he could see, might want to mention that to your DH)

Sadly, I still haven't let mine go. I know I needed it, but I keep saying, what ifs...

And because most of my friends know my infertility struggles, most said the same things "at least you have healthy babies, etc". But what I don't have is a healthy memory of their birth, or the few days following.

Try to find 1 person (family member, friend) who you can really talk to...even if they don't understand, if they can listen without making comments it's something.

[zoobie]

I'm sorry you're stressed. If people IRL are criticizing you or minimizing your concerns, you could stop sharing information with them or tell them that right now you need support and if they continue to criticize, you'll stop talking to them.

 

I desperately wanted a VBAC but wound up with another c/s with my 2nd. I'm still a little sad that I never got to experience labor. I'm not going to tell you that the the experience doesn't matter, but try not to let your worries be your focus. Power of positive thinking and all that. ;)

 

What do you like best about the newborn period? I love the weird little squeaky noises and the way they smell. Skip over thinking about delivery for now and think about whatever you love most.

 

And, to stay in the moment, what do you love about pregnancy? I love the kicking and feeling them move and stretch. There is a tiny little human! Inside me! Focus on that.

 

Good luck!

[melbotoast]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I had a c-section for surprise breech position. He was head-down at my 37 week appointment, and had been head down for several weeks. My water broke 3 days later and he had flipped, so no chance to try an external version or anything. I would definitely look in to "gentle cesareans" or whatever they're called to see if you can do skin-to-skin immediately after just so you will have that for back-up if baby doesn't flip. My c-section wasn't a terrible experience, but it was still a disappointment to me. And it is major abdominal surgery, so whoever thinks it's not a big deal is just full of it. Will be thinking of you!

[Acorn]

While I hope you can avoid a csec, start researching your area to see what choices you do have. I met with the anesthesiologist and told him I could handle pain but not vomiting, itchiness or mental fog. I never felt "drugged" by whatever was in the spinals. I did have referred pain in my shoulder and arm, but once you recognize it you can process it. I delivered at a hospital known for being breastfeeding advocates and had babies nursing the minute after closing. My babies were delivered onto my belly while dh cut the cord. They were brought to my shoulder for a few minutes and then weighed and wrapped. My doula and dh accompanied me into or. My youngest never left my side the entire hospital stay. They were going to take her to a nursery for a bath, and I told dh to go with her and get a photo, and the nurse said well we could bring the bathing isolet into the recovery room and you can rinse her yourself.

 

best wishes

[Orthodox6]

I have had four c-sections. First two were recommended after long labour was going nowhere and the baby "would not cooperate". Third was expected, but doctors told me to go into labour and meet them at the hospital. I had no guilt feelings, because the baby was so much a joy and gift, it never even occurred to me to be upset over the surgery. All four times, I bounced back from the surgery quickly and fully. (meaning that I was up and about the day I went home from hospital) Even after birth of #4 when I was 43 years old.

 

I pray for OP to feel better about things and to rejoice in "the big picture", which is her immeasurable joy over this healthy baby!

[JudoMom]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[VeritasMama]

I've had 5 c-sections, number 6 is scheduled for July.

 

My 2nd was a VBAC. After 48 hours of labor, I was barely able to push him out. I was one push away from a c-section. When he finally came out, I had such bad tearing that vaginal births are no longer a possibility. My doctors are still amazed that I didn't have more long term complications from that birth, it was horrific.

 

I wish I could deliver naturally, I wish that I could push my babies out and put them on my belly, and start nursing right away. It's not in the cards. My sister has delivered all of hers at home naturally with a midwife, as easy as a birth can be.

 

I don't waste any tears over my situation. I've worked hard to bond with my babies without the help of the hormones that childbirth give you. I just remind myself that without modern medical intervention, I would have died when I had a placenta abruption with my first baby at 32 weeks. Thanks to c-sections, I've been able to go on to have 5 more wonderful babies.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel grateful that you and your baby live in a time when there are so many options. That is not meant to be harsh, there is no anger or ill will meant by it. It is meant to help. I know how you feel, and sometimes I need to hear this myself.

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: i am so glad you are doing what you can now to help it all be a success. its not a bad way to do life; do all you can, and then it will be what it will be.

 

i have had two babies turned externally, and it worked each time. the third baby turned herself with the "face on the pillow, rear in the air" strategy.... it took two very long days, but worked. number four, however, was completely different. what helped me was knowing that i had done all i could.

 

re birth approach on paper. it worked for us really quite well. i hand carried it to labour and delivery at 36 weeks. this allowed me to meet some of the nurses. i asked to see an empty room, so i could picture it, and they did that for me. they also told me that one of the rooms had a shower, for those moms trying to birth without medication..... so i requested that room. that meant that i got the more natural approach nurse that went with it. and the midwife on call. it was altogether a good thing.

 

so just by trying all you can, new doors may open. and in our experience, most of the time, in most places, most of the staff are working really hard to work with you for a good outcome. :grouphug:

 

and then we just do the best we can with the hand we get dealt.... because while we don't always get to choose the picture, we get to choose the frame we put around it, kwim?

 

you can do this... and it will be magical!

ann

[butterflymommy]

I don't know if it helps, but whenever I'm faced with a medical intervention or treatment I truly don't want, I remind myself of all the people in the world who would be glad to accept such treatment, and I remember how lucky I am even to have the option of feeling sorry for myself in such a situation!

 

Maybe it would help to look around for some positive c-section birth stories? I know we often get it in our heads of how a birth is supposed to be and it can be very heartbreaking for the "dream" never to take place. I had a terrible homebirth experience, but went into it expecting some magical, peaceful birth... and the reality was anything but. The disappointment can be a bitter pill to swallow, but sometimes putting things in perspective is just part of life. :grouphug:

[Mergath]

Well, all I can say is a friend said those exact words to me when I was in your position, and although I never said anything to her, I never got over it, and our friendship never felt the same again.

 

 

Wow. That's pretty harsh. I had to have dd via emergency c-section. I was disappointed, but it certainly wasn't something I'd let ruin a friendship. I mean, what else is someone supposed to say?

[funathome]

 

Can you tell more about this? I've never had a birth in a hospital. I remember reading about birth plans in the books I read for my first dc, so I just assumed it was what people did. Seems illogical to me, because in the heat of the moment nobody is pulling up a piece of paper (all that matters is who's with you and whether they're onboard and able to help with what you want), but whatever. I also didn't realize about the blended dynamic of nurses and styles in hospital settings, very interesting. Is that common or more typical to say larger birthing facilities?

 

Oh, I'm not pregnant, but my last one was 11 lb. We pretty much decided we better have a better back-up plan if we get pregnant again. Either that or figure out how to have a smaller baby. Don't wanna hit 13. The nursing dynamic you were explaining seems like a good way to evaluate potential hospitals. Not that I need one right now. :D

 

 

Labor nurses (in general) usually tend to have a mind set, NOT that they don't help you in your laboring process.There are some: who don't want to have to deal with hours (& hours) of dealing with a laboring woman (crying, screaming and yes, hitting/kicking/slapping/biting me while I am trying to help her - I have had all done to me) and would rather just get the scheduled C/S that are on the book to come in. Some want to just have the patient get the epidural and go along.

 

The charge RN knows what mixture of RN's there are for the day and can assign the nurse as needed as she makes all the assignments at the beginning of the shift any way.

 

Birth Plans are the bane of L&D. Most of the time people just print off some thing on the computer and do not know what is even in it. I usually review with patient her "birth plan" like, "I see you don't want and epidural" and have had her tell me adamantly that she does, :confused: and how soon can she get it! or another requesting no circ on the birth plan but stated she wanted one.... :blink:

Yes, in the heat of the moment (as you said) main thing is getting a baby safely delivered and not worried about what is on the piece of paper, but it is optimal if you can make the birth experience what the mother desires.

 

You have the birth plan in your mind and try to deal with it as things roll/happen.

 

Amy :001_smile:

[Heather in Neverland]

 

 

Wow. That's pretty harsh. I had to have dd via emergency c-section. I was disappointed, but it certainly wasn't something I'd let ruin a friendship. I mean, what else is someone supposed to say?

 

 

I agree. I gave birth once but then suffered from secondary infertility. It has been 15 years and I have never gotten pregnant again. But I adopted twice. So I definitely understand things not going as you planned or hoped for. I did feel some grief over the fact that I will never carry a child in my womb ever again. But I did not dwell on it and I certainly wouldn't lose a friend over it.

 

It is a natural body function but I think we sometimes elevate natural childbirth to the level of some sort of religious or spiritual experience we are meant to have and are then devastated if it doesn't happen. We set ourselves up (and shows like A Baby Story set us up) to think anything less than a natural birth is a substandard experience. It is not. It is just another way to experience it.

 

Since I could not give birth naturally or by c-section, I adopted. My two youngest babies came into my arms via an airplane. Trust me when I say the experience was NOT substandard or less wonderful in some way than delivering my first naturally ... although conversations like this make me feel like other moms feel sorry for me and my poor, subpar birth experience.

 

So I suppose I would be the friend you would write off for be more focused on the healthy baby than on your experience.

[happyhomemaker25]

Thanks. You guys have made me feel much better. I really just needed to say some of those things and it was easier to say them here then where friends/family can just say, "Well the best outcome is healthy baby!" Like that's not what I want. LOL His head is right up underneath my heart so whoever said something about their baby wanting to stay close to their heart really, really helped. It truly does make me feel a bit better to know that he's there because he is so comfortable there listening to my heart beat. It makes for a beautiful picture. Of course, LOL, if gave me an idea to do the frozen peas thing and maybe one of those heart beat simulators simultaneously. The peas by his head and the heart beat simulator down where his head should go. Dh and I are still laughing over that idea.

I love the nurses I had for my daughter's delivery and for my whole hospital stay. Every nurse I met was super supportive and nice. According to my Bradley coach the lactation consultant at that hospital and all the nurses there are the best for BFing help and support. They did help with my Lily last time. They even helped me labor with pitocin for 12 hours bringing in a rocking chair and a potty chair so I could move around a little bit despite having to be monitored the whole time. They never pressured me to take the epidural, but in the end they were all relieved when I did. The one nurse called later that night to check on how I was doing. She told me I was the quietest natural laborer she'd ever had and she could not believe how far I got with the pitocin. They were all super supportive and I really have no reason to not think they will be this time as well. I've never heard a bad report on the L&D nurses at this hospital.

I guess my other fear is I've always had fertility issues and I don't know if this is the last baby for us or not. I hate having something done that could impair my fertility further. I mean come on it took me 9 years before I was surprised with Lily and then I lost a fallopian tube during my ectopic, now someone is going to be cutting into me which could case serious complications with other pregnancies. The cards are seriously stacking up here. LOL I'm already 34. I'm no spring chicken.

My Bradley coach mentioned there is one guy in town who will deliver breech babies. I hate the hospital he is at, and I'm terrified at the thought of switching Drs. so close to the end. She said that since I already had one v birth he'd probably take me... I can't decide whether to call or not. Why, oh why, do people with raging hormones get stuck with these decisions?? :p

[ktgrok]

 

 

So I suppose I would be the friend you would write off for be more focused on the healthy baby than on your experience.

 

 

ok...I didn't make the original statement, but this is why women don't want to hear, "what really matters is a healthy baby." Because it's not true. The goal is a health baby AND a healthy mother. The mother's pain matters. Her bodily inegretity matters. It's not about "i wanted flowers and music and candles" it's about wanting not to be cut open, about wanting the safest birth for your baby, about wanting the normal hormone shifts that are supposed to take place, and yes, about bonding with baby after birth. Those are VALID things and when someone says, "all that matters is a healthy baby" or some variant it discounts all those things. It discounts the mother. For the person that asked what you should say instead, you could just say congratuations. If the mother shares that she is unhappy with the birth, you can say, "i'm so sorry". Or, "I know that isn't what you had wanted" or "that must have been so scary."

 

I've had a c-section and vaginal births. One doesn't make you more or less of a mother than the other. But a c-section isn't the same, and it is ok to be scared, and sad, and to worry. It's normal.

[Orthodox6]

I have no knowledge that a c-section impairs fertility in any way at all. My surgeries occurred at ages 31, 34, 39, and 43, and I conceived again at age 45.

 

I'm glad that you feel helped and supported by the people here. We all wish you the very best, along with our congratulations on the baby!

[ktgrok]

 

My Bradley coach mentioned there is one guy in town who will deliver breech babies. I hate the hospital he is at, and I'm terrified at the thought of switching Drs. so close to the end. She said that since I already had one v birth he'd probably take me... I can't decide whether to call or not. Why, oh why, do people with raging hormones get stuck with these decisions?? :p

 

So don't make a big decision yet. Schedule an appointment to meet him, hear his take on things, get to know him. If you like him then tour the other hosptial. By then baby may have turned anyway! But if not, then decide.

[Heather in Neverland]

 

 

 

ok...I didn't make the original statement, but this is why women don't want to hear, "what really matters is a healthy baby." Because it's not true. The goal is a health baby AND a healthy mother. The mother's pain matters. Her bodily inegretity matters. It's not about "i wanted flowers and music and candles" it's about wanting not to be cut open, about wanting the safest birth for your baby, about wanting the normal hormone shifts that are supposed to take place, and yes, about bonding with baby after birth. Those are VALID things and when someone says, "all that matters is a healthy baby" or some variant it discounts all those things. It discounts the mother. For the person that asked what you should say instead, you could just say congratuations. If the mother shares that she is unhappy with the birth, you can say, "i'm so sorry". Or, "I know that isn't what you had wanted" or "that must have been so scary."

 

I've had a c-section and vaginal births. One doesn't make you more or less of a mother than the other. But a c-section isn't the same, and it is ok to be scared, and sad, and to worry. It's normal.

 

You are correct in that having a c section is major surgery and that is scary and painful and it is normal to be worried about the surgery. But I find when people say "as long as the baby is healthy" they are not saying they don't care about the post-surgical pain and recovery you will have to endure. That part sucks, no doubt.

 

What we mean when we say that is "wow, that sucks that you will to have a major surgery and deal with all the recovery issues. But the baby will arrive safe sound and in your arms as quickly as possible and the birth will still be very special and not "less" special than your other children. Just as a baby placed in my arms after a 20-hour ride in an airplane was a very special experience.

 

To me the best thing you could say is "I will pray for a swift recovery for you."

[elfgivas]

not for the faint of heart, but have you googled the potential differences in complications? i do better with knowing what i'm choosing but it means facing some tough stuff, which with hormones raging isn't necessarily easy....

 

it would be important to find medical or educational sites of good standing. after a few minutes reading, it appears to me that complications for the baby from a breach vaginal delivery are more likely than from a c-section. this site has a list of indicators that can lead to a better vaginal birth of breach baby outcome than others.

http://www.ttuhsc.edu/elpaso/som/obgyn/obgyn101/my%20documents4/Text/Abnormal%20L&D/Breech.htm

 

i also like to check non-usa sites, to see if the advice is different. in this case, it doesn't appear so.

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/breech-presentations

 

hth,

ann

[NorthwestMom]

Trust me when I say the experience was NOT substandard or less wonderful in some way than delivering my first naturally ... although conversations like this make me feel like other moms feel sorry for me and my poor, subpar birth experience.

 

 

 

It's hard for me to imagine that people would actually think this. Good Lord. Please don't spend any time thinking about that. If there is a tiny fraction of people who DO think that, well, they are sadly misunderstanding that motherhood is a state of mind and not a birth experience.

[happyhomemaker25]

Honestly, I know it's the wimpy thing to do, but I probably won't change Drs. at this point. I don't even know if DH would go for that. He told me it was up to me when I mentioned it this morning, but I really think he would try to talk me out of it. The hospital is actually one of our better NICU hospitals which is ironic since I was just reading the thread the other day about how NICU hospitals seem to have a higher c-section rate. :) I've adopted kids too. My first 5 were all adopted from foster care. Talk about a long, painful labor! PHEW! :)

I've run the gamut now on getting kids. Adoption, v birth of my own, a few losses - one pretty traumatic, and now a potential c-section along with years of infertility. I wonder if I'm suffering some from the emergency surgery I had with my ectopic. It took me some time to recover from that and it was a small incision (supposed to be laproscopic but I had major bleeding so she was forced to make two incisions on either side of my belly). Of course the trauma of knowing I'd lost my baby and a fallopian tube was pretty massive as well. When I think of the c-section sometimes I think back to getting ready to be wheeled into surgery for that (I KNOW it's totally different, but it's the only surgery I've ever had) and the panic attack I had.

That is truly why I feel so much guilt. I know what it's like to want a baby. I'm so incredibly blessed right now. Two babies in three years?? It's unbelievable. Even our youngest adopted child I got to bring home from the hospital at 3 days old. I feel horrible that I'm so upset that I might not get the birth experience I want. I'm sorry if I've brought up any bad feelings for those suffering infertility. I also know that a c-section is a great thing and has saved lives. I really don't want to make light of anyone's birth/adoption experience. I don't think it's something I'm just going to get over though. I had a beautiful experience with my daughter and was looking forward to it with my son. I have to change my expectations, yes, but it's all a process.

I think for me it's just a grieving process. I'll probably feel better after I talk to my OB some more about what a planned c-section looks like. He's very experienced though a little.. old school in a lot of ways while always trying to stay up to date with new stuff. I have a lot of confidence in him to do the very best job. I have to go pre-register so maybe I can talk to a nurse there about the process as well. Maybe it's just the unknown that frightens me...

Thanks for putting up with the ramblings of an raging hormone pregnant girl! I really do appreciate having somewhere to talk this out...

[kathkath]

I have had four c-sections. First two were recommended after long labour was going nowhere and the baby "would not cooperate". Third was expected, but doctors told me to go into labour and meet them at the hospital. I had no guilt feelings, because the baby was so much a joy and gift, it never even occurred to me to be upset over the surgery. All four times, I bounced back from the surgery quickly and fully. (meaning that I was up and about the day I went home from hospital) Even after birth of #4 when I was 43 years old.

 

I pray for OP to feel better about things and to rejoice in "the big picture", which is her immeasurable joy over this healthy baby!

 

 

I have had 3 c/s. My first was a true emergency at 28 weeks when my daughter was very close to being a stillbirth (biophysical profile score of 2) so they took her with no labor or anything. We couldn't even say she was healthy. She was alive though. ALIVE!!!! For my next child we just prayed for big, and he was 9#2oz! My philosophy that has resulted is this: it is not about me, it is about the baby. No regrets.