Okay, DH says this is weird and says absolutely, categorically, I should say no.

[MiniBlondes]

"I'm sorry, I work out of my home during the day. There is no way I'd have time to give that baby the attention it needs."

 

 

 

This. Exactly.

[QueenCat]

No way! If a neighbor I don't really know has an EMERGENCY, yes, you get whoever you can find quickly to help. And I'd say "yes" to that immediately. But something like this, no way, for several reasons.

[elegantlion]

Is this hive unity? A rare occurrence indeed. We should mark the day. Halcyon, tell your dh that he has done something only a few man can ever claim, he has united the hive. :cheers2:

[QueenCat]

Is this hive unity? A rare occurrence indeed. We should mark the day. Halcyon, tell your dh that he has done something only a few man can ever claim, he has united the hive. :cheers2:

 

I think we should create an award for him!

[Wildcat]

Is this hive unity? A rare occurrence indeed. We should mark the day. Halcyon, tell your dh that he has done something only a few man can ever claim, he has united the hive. :cheers2:

 

Yeah, this is the second unanimous thread in the last few days (the other being the poll about 'kiddo'). What's happening?!?! :coolgleamA: :lol:

 

 

OP, I agree with everyone else. Don't do it.

[HRAAB]

Not that you need to hear it, but I agree with you dh, too. However, I would feel like you. It's very hard for me to say no to people, and I've gotten myself into trouble because of that. You're simply too busy to give adequate care to a 10 mo old. I can't imagine the mom is comfortable with this situation.

[Lady Florida.]

Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

 

You sound like my mom. :) She had trouble saying no and always thought she needed to give a good reason. It's possible to politely say no and not have hard feelings. If you're anything like my mom was, it's really hard for you though.

 

You can do it! You could even say you appreciate the confidence she has in you, but you're just not able to do it.

[Mergath]

Another no vote here. The list of things that could go wrong is pretty long.

 

The best way to dissuade them is probably to say, "Sure! I charge ten dollars per hour in advance for childcare services. Will you be paying by cash or check?"

[Alessandra]

Adding yet another 'no' vote for all the above reasons. Did anyone mention what would happen if you got sick? What if child had some sort of accident? Are these people who would sue?

 

And don't give a reason. That could open up a whole new discussion. You can say that you are sorry. You can even look really sad. "I can't do it," can be repeated multiple times.

[Ellie]

You sound like my mom. :) She had trouble saying no and always thought she needed to give a good reason. It's possible to politely say no and not have hard feelings. If you're anything like my mom was, it's really hard for you though.

 

I have been nagging helping a friend for many years who cannot say "no" without adding all sorts of reasons. I cannot tell you the number of times things have gone south because she didn't just say "NO." :glare:

[Mama Geek]

Just Say No

 

I have a hard time too especially when someone is persistent. My MIL asked me if I was going to come back with dd for a week without dh because some family was coming into town. I said that I hadn't planned on it. Then she asked me to and I said that I wasn't up to driving that far by myself with dd. Her response was you can fly. I finally just left it at we will see. I have no intention of going, I don't get along with MIL, our home is there, but if I flew I wouldn't have a car...just no thank you.

 

She just doesn't want to take no for an answer. Of course she did this on the day that dh was sick enough that he didn't want to talk and I had put the speaker phone on so she could talk to dd. I don't like having phone conversations with dh's mom without him around, but I was trying to be nice for dd's sake.

 

Way of topic, but whew that is off my chest and I feel a little better.

[I.Dup.]

I wouldn't do it only because your DH said no. Otherwise I would do it.

 

 

Probably same here. I just feel bad for that baby who gets passed around to random people? I wonder who will be watching her? How sad!

[Mimm]

Ha! Based on these responses, DH will feel quite vindicated. Okay, now I just have to think of a good reason. The grandma knows I work afternoons (already talked about this). Maybe I will say I got extra hours, which COULD be true--I mean, I just got asked to work Saturday. Sigh. I hate this sort of thing. I could just say "I don't really feel comfortable with it." That would be the honest thing.

 

Just say, "I've gone over my schedule and I've realized I have way too much on my plate. I'm sorry I can't help you out."

 

I agree with all the replies and your husband. Waaaay weird. I'd never ask a neighbor I'd met once to watch my kid.

[cin]

You should be running as fast as you can from the inappropriate vibes.

 

As others have pointed out, there is something seriously wrong with someone who would leave her baby with someone she doesn't know for a half hour, let alone a whole week. Let that sink in. That's the kind of person you're dealing with. There will be more, oh so much more.

 

As others have pointed out, you are setting yourself up for major potential for legal problems if you do watch the child of someone that YOU don't know, when you are not in a paid, professional situation.

 

Your hubby is wise.

 

 

This makes me think scam artist. Like the people who fall in stores and collect all kinds of money. As horrible as it sounds, they could do something 'time delayed' to the baby and then collect all kinds of insurance money. You know NOTHING about them. They may not even be mother and daughter....

[unsinkable]

Wow, you know they might not even be HUMAN for all we know! They could be aliens in human form, ready to slip off their human skin and show their reptilian selves!

 

I would have said that I'd need to know them better, spend time with the baby and them, and start watching the baby gradually.

 

So no in this situation but not with all the drama.

 

And then I'd have my reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity ready.

 

[cin]

Wow, you know they might not even be HUMAN for all we know! They could be aliens in human form, ready to slip off their human skin and show their reptilian selves!

 

I would have said that I'd need to know them better, spend time with the baby and them, and start watching the baby gradually.

 

So no in this situation but not with all the drama.

 

And then I'd have my reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity ready.

 

 

I agree completely. I think we are all acting on the weird premise that they are asking someone they barely know to take care of the baby. And if you don't know these people, then you should not do it for lots of reasons. She may get to know them over the course of a few months or a year and decide that her concern was oh so silly. She might also see them on the evening news as the scammers who were arrested. I think we are all just thinking WHY it is not a good idea, and what would possess someone to ask a (almost) complete stranger to watch their 9 mo old child.

[SKL]

I might come back and say "these are the days / times I could do it."

 

It does not bother me that they are asking you without knowing you well. They know you are a mom and they know where you live in case they ever need to come after you for any reason. Obviously you gave them good vibes. And they obviously need someone and don't have anyone closer whom they trust (or they wouldn't be asking you).

 

But that doesn't mean you have to give up your whole life for a week to accommodate a stranger.

 

I would probably do what I reasonably could. In the future you might need someone to help you out, and she'd be someone you might be able to leave your kid(s) with in a pinch.

[jen3kids]

Wow, you know they might not even be HUMAN for all we know! They could be aliens in human form, ready to slip off their human skin and show their reptilian selves!

 

I would have said that I'd need to know them better, spend time with the baby and them, and start watching the baby gradually.

 

So no in this situation but not with all the drama.

 

And then I'd have my reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity ready.

 

 

 

This.

 

And, I have a hard time saying no to stuff like this as well. I'd hope this is what I'd say, but I'm a push-over for favours.

 

For whatever reason, if you don't want to do it, then don't. A real reason, or a made up one. They won't know the difference. And, if you are open to it in the future, then say so. If not, don't.

 

That being said, they might be totally stressed out trying to figure out what to do for childcare for that week and grasping at straws. Perhaps they had someone lined up and it fell through and now they're in a bind.

[Sparkle]

Since your dh says no, then definitely don't do it.

 

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My next door neighbor, who I was casually acquainted with, asked me if I was interested in babysitting his granddaughter for the summer. Since it was summer, and I had babysat a friend's daughter the previous summer where it worked out well, I agreed to do it. Well, the mother, who I didn't know at all, turned out to be a complete flake. It ended up falling through, and I'm thankful I didn't wind up getting involved. If you don't know these people well, there's just too much potential for things to go wrong.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

 

I agree completely. I think we are all acting on the weird premise that they are asking someone they barely know to take care of the baby. And if you don't know these people, then you should not do it for lots of reasons. She may get to know them over the course of a few months or a year and decide that her concern was oh so silly. She might also see them on the evening news as the scammers who were arrested. I think we are all just thinking WHY it is not a good idea, and what would possess someone to ask a (almost) complete stranger to watch their 9 mo old child.

 

 

Yes, it is strange to ask someone they barely know to take care of the baby. But I've actually done it twice. Not babies but young children. In one case, the woman (later I found out it was the great-aunt) brought the child to the door, said, "I'll be back in an hour or so." Hopped in her car and drove off. My jaw was dropping on the floor. It was a nice day so my ds went outside and played cars with him. The little boy was too shy to even tell us his name. Later when she came back we found out that her sister (grandma) had custody of the boy and had just been rushed off to the ER with a heart attack. So there was a reason for the weird drop off but still! I was so glad when the aunt came back to pick him up! (It happened one other time too but not quite as dramatically.)

 

But this isn't an emergency and it is for multiple days.

[gardenmom5]

Just Say No

 

I have a hard time too especially when someone is persistent. My MIL asked me if I was going to come back with dd for a week without dh because some family was coming into town. I said that I hadn't planned on it. Then she asked me to and I said that I wasn't up to driving that far by myself with dd. Her response was you can fly. I finally just left it at we will see. I have no intention of going, I don't get along with MIL, our home is there, but if I flew I wouldn't have a car...just no thank you.

 

She just doesn't want to take no for an answer. Of course she did this on the day that dh was sick enough that he didn't want to talk and I had put the speaker phone on so she could talk to dd. I don't like having phone conversations with dh's mom without him around, but I was trying to be nice for dd's sake.

 

Way of topic, but whew that is off my chest and I feel a little better.

 

set a timer for however reasonable length of time you can talk - and when it goes off, say I need to go now (you're not giving a reason why you have to go, just that you need to go), say goodbye and HANG UP!

if this woman has boundary issues (someone who does NOT take "no" for an answer had boundary problems), when she crosses a line, say you need to go now, say goodbye and HANG UP!

[Mama Geek]

set a timer for however reasonable length of time you can talk - and when it goes off, say I need to go now (you're not giving a reason why you have to go, just that you need to go), say goodbye and HANG UP!

if this woman has boundary issues (someone who does NOT take "no" for an answer had boundary problems), when she crosses a line, say you need to go now, say goodbye and HANG UP!

 

She does have serious boundary issues and I have put lots of blockades up. I spend as little time around her as possible and try to let dh mostly deal with her. He is used to her and it doesn't bother him.

[southcarolinamom]

No, no, a thousand times. NOOOOO!!! My spidey senses are tingling with this story.

[Orthodox6]

NO WAY! (for many reasons)

 

They might never return to pick up the child. Then what?!

 

[Critterfixer]

Wow, you know they might not even be HUMAN for all we know! They could be aliens in human form, ready to slip off their human skin and show their reptilian selves!

 

Maybe. Depends if they bring their lawyers with them when they come to sue.

Liability issues are what I'm thinking about.

[jhschool]

What if they kidnapped the baby? (Not in a psycho way, but in one

of those divorce cases where you're not allowed

to take the baby out of state or something) And are looking for a place to hide it for a week?

 

I know this is far-fetched, but I can't think of any reason a NORMAL person

would hand over their baby to a total stranger!!!

 

There are daycares and babysitters available--they should know that already.

[Unicorn.]

Wow. The replies on this thread are a sad commentary on what our society has become. Fearful, and untrusting. I realize why people are saying no, but I still find it sad.

 

Maybe it is an emergency type situation of sorts. Maybe she had child care lined up, and it fell through. Maybe the grandmother had good vibes about the OP; saw a loving mother who cared about her kids, and thought she would be someone safe to watch her granddaughter. The grandmother comes from a different era- one where asking a neighbor, even one you barely knew, to watch your kids, wasn't a big scary deal.

 

Personally, I don't see any red flags in their asking. A bit strange in today's world, but not unheard of. I babysat plenty of kids whose parents I didn't know. I once got a call from someone who was coming from out of town, and needed a babysitter. They called my high school, spoke to one of the homemaking teachers, who recommended me. It was an all day thing, too. I took their kid all over the place- they didn't know me at all. Most of the people I babysat for in HS, I didn't know at all the first time I babysat their kids. If they don't know the people at the daycare centers- aren't they strangers too? And just because it's a daycare, doesn't mean it's safe. Sometimes daycares don't take drop-ins either.

 

I just don't see it as all that weird. OP- if you are uncomfortable with it, then just tell her so. No need to come up w/ an excuse.

[unsinkable]

Thank you, Unicorn.

 

It makes me sad, too.

 

I almost feel like people are trying to list any possible thing that could go wrong...like it's Family Feud.

 

"Show me....child abandonment!!!"

 

 

[jhschool]

I suppose it is a little sad but the truth is, it's not very sad.

Someone wants daycare for a whole week and isn't getting it--

and we think the OP could get into a terrible situation and we are

encouraging her to be safe.

We help each other out on this forum and warning each other is

a good friendly thing to do.

 

It's not so sad that we are preventing OP from potential grief. We don't want the OP

to have a bad experience.

It's good to tell each other when we perceive red flags. One of the PPs

ended up with the police being called (she had BTDT). It may be sad,

but it would be a lot sadder if we didn't warn her and if she ended up

in court or in jail.

[misty.warden]

Since its not 24/7 care for the whole week, I doubt it's a "hide the baby from the Feds" situation, however it is kinda strange to me to ask for free daycare of someone you don't know for an infant. If they're planning to spend time with you between now and then, making family friendship KWIM? then I think it would be a little less weird, but I wouldn't do it for free.

[Unicorn.]

I suppose it is a little sad but the truth is, it's not very sad.

Someone wants free daycare for a whole week and isn't getting it--

and we think the OP could get into a terrible situation and we are

encouraging her to be safe.

We help each other out on this forum and warning each other is

a good friendly thing to do.

 

It's not so sad that we are preventing OP from potential grief. We don't want the OP

to have a bad experience.

It's good to tell each other when we perceive red flags. One of the PPs

ended up with the police being called (she had BTDT). It may be sad,

but it would be a lot sadder if we didn't warn her and if she ended up

in court or in jail.

Since its not 24/7 care for the whole week, I doubt it's a "hide the baby from the Feds" situation, however it is kinda strange to me to ask for free daycare of someone you don't know for an infant. If they're planning to spend time with you between now and then, making family friendship KWIM? then I think it would be a little less weird, but I wouldn't do it for free.

 

Where does she say the woman asked for Free daycare? The OP just says they asked her to watch the baby- that doesn't necessarily mean for free. Maybe I missed something?

[jhschool]

I stand corrected. They didn't say "for free."

 

They just want to hand over their baby to someone they

just met.

[LMA]

I would find out more about the situation, but the woman could really need help and it's not a scam.. How many of you have helped out people on this forum without really "knowing" anything about them and how many times have people been excited by helping out here?

 

Taking care of the baby would be a case of true charity, something hard to give and even harder to find.

[Unicorn.]

I stand corrected. They didn't say "for free."

 

They just want to hand over their baby to someone they

just met.

 

 

I guess the perspective just depends on where you live or have lived. A small town, in the south especially, this wouldn't be that big of a deal. Some places/people are just more trusting. I've lived in small towns where this wouldn't be that uncommon. Some towns don't have daycares, or maybe there is only Miss Ida down the street, and she can't keep her because she's full. Or maybe there's just the daycare at the Methodist church, and again, they can't keep her or take drop ins because they are at capacity.

[nmoira]

I guess the perspective just depends on where you live or have lived. A small town, in the south especially, this wouldn't be that big of a deal. Some places/people are just more trusting. I've lived in small towns where this wouldn't be that uncommon. Some towns don't have daycares, or maybe there is only Miss Ida down the street, and she can't keep her because she's full. Or maybe there's just the daycare at the Methodist church, and again, they can't keep her or take drop ins because they are at capacity.

 

 

I'm still not there, but we're it's true that we're not talking about any person off the street. It sounds at their initial meeting with the grandmother, OP's child(ren) was "evidence" of good parenting.

[LucyStoner]

I think there are plenty of non-suspicion oriented reasons to decline. The baby is not kidnapped. The mom and grand mom are not going to set her up to be sued. The baby is not a trained thief sent to case the joint nor is the baby a ninja assassin in a high tech baby disguise. Still, that doesn't mean a homeschool mom should feel obligated to provide childcare to all neighborhood children, much less the grandchildren of neighbors who never make a point to meet you until they ask for a big favor. I don't mind being part of a support network for others. Quite the opposite. But seeking support from just one person on fairly short notice without any real detail? Call me mean, but like others here, that raises a red flag about the family for me. It is far from unheard of for people to take advantage when they get a yes to this sort of request.

[unsinkable]

Show meeeeee...Ninja Baby Assassin!!!

 

[Orthodox6]

Remaining with my earlier thoughts as posted. Adding, however, that the greatest possibility/probability may well be no more than -- (how's that for covering my tracks?!) -- that the grandmother/mother simply are looking for someone simpleminded enough to be sponged off of repeatedly in the future. The ususal idiocy of believing that a homeschooling mother has nothing to do all day.

[jhschool]

Well, I still think that OP should not take the baby.

 

Whatever reasons (ninja baby, kidnapping, inconvenience, weirdness, respect

for one's time) we

all give, it's quite obvious that the whole idea is bad.

 

I suppose it would be nice if we lived in the Steel Magnolias world and we

could all be Ouiser. But we don't.

[gardenmom5]

Remaining with my earlier thoughts as posted. Adding, however, that the greatest possibility/probability may well be no more than -- (how's that for covering my tracks?!) -- that the grandmother/mother simply are looking for someone simpleminded enough to be sponged off of repeatedly in the future. The ususal idiocy of believing that a homeschooling mother has nothing to do all day.

well, other than sitting around watching soaps (wait, do they still have those? or is it now talk tv ala jerry springer?) and eating bon bons.

[Orthodox6]

well, other than sitting around watching soaps (wait, do they still have those? or is it now talk tv?) and eating bon bons.

 

Maybe the hot trend is to film a homeschooling family for a reality show? "Tiger Mom vs. Laid-Back Lucy". Or, perhaps, homeschooler contest -- "Educators' Idol" ?

[kristi26]

I don't think my opinion matters much here, since your DH already said no and his should be the more valuable one here, but I too would say no. There are so many things that could go wrong with this...