How would you respond to an email like this?

[basschick]

If someone sent someone else an email about their kids doing art work for a local fundraiser for a children's hospital as well as an invite to join a large group of women celebrate the birthdays of 2 women in the church and it was responded with something along the lines of...

I have not been able to do any art projects with my kids because I am not doing well. As for the birthday, I don't think I should go because going would just reinforce my belief that no one there values having a relationship with me, so it's best for me if I pass....

 

Would you respond to that? Or just drop it? Or what?

[TranquilMind]

If someone sent someone else an email about their kids doing art work for a local fundraiser for a children's hospital as well as an invite to join a large group of women celebrate the birthdays of 2 women in the church and it was responded with something along the lines of...

I have not been able to do any art projects with my kids because I am not doing well. As for the birthday, I don't think I should go because going would just reinforce my belief that no one there values having a relationship with me, so it's best for me if I pass....

 

Would you respond to that? Or just drop it? Or what?

 

I would respond to it, and take a look at my actions and maybe the group's to see if this is true. Lots of groups do lots of activities but nothing important, if you know what I mean.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The person sounds possibly clinically depressed. She isn't doing well and isn't able to do things with her kids (physical illness?). And the thing about no one valuing her could be expressing hurt and pain that is founded in people's lack of compassion and caring but could also come from depression. I would reach out to her - not to push the invitation - but to see how she is doing.

[aggieamy]

I grew up with a super passive aggressive parent with some NPD. I now having nothing to do with that person. An email like that would be something they would send so I'd ignore it and have nothing to do with that person ever again. Then again you might say I'm a bit scarred by my previous experience.

[happyhomemaker]

She sounds like she is going through some trying circumstances. Sometimes that makes people respond more sharply or bluntly than they otherwise would. I would reply that you are sorry she is not doing well and ask if there is anything you can do to help.

[basschick]

I grew up with a super passive aggressive parent with some NPD. I now having nothing to do with that person. An email like that would be something they would send so I'd ignore it and have nothing to do with that person ever again. Then again you might say I'm a bit scarred by my previous experience.

 

Sorry for my ignorance, but what is NPD?

[JessReplanted]

I grew up with a super passive aggressive parent with some NPD. I now having nothing to do with that person. An email like that would be something they would send so I'd ignore it and have nothing to do with that person ever again. Then again you might say I'm a bit scarred by my previous experience.

 

:iagree:

 

It sounds so harsh, but that email has a million red flags in it (for me) which scream: "Run Away!!"

[Caitilin]

Sorry for my ignorance, but what is NPD?

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. :001_smile:

[myfunnybunch]

I would respond.

 

I'd probably say that I was sorry she was struggling with her health and ask if there is a way I could help by _________ (one or two specific suggestions, like taking the children for an afternoon or picking up a few things at the grocery store).

 

I don't quite know how I'd respond to the part about no one wanting a relationship with her. So much depends on the person and upon the group. I'd probably address it by saying I'm sorry she feels that way and that she'll be missed. If she seems like someone who might be open, I might pursue it a little more, gently, by asking if there's something specific that's made her feel excluded.

 

Cat

[Elizabeth in MN]

Sounds like depression to me. I would reach out to them.

[Kirch]

It would depend. It's either a cry for help or a bid for attention. If I knew the person well enough to be pretty sure it was just a bid for attention, I'd probably either not respond or respond with something along the lines of, " I'm sorry you feel that way. We'd still love to have you if you change your mind!"

 

If I didn't know the person well or I really suspected it was a cry for help and not a drama queen thing, I'd probe deeper & try to reach out.

 

If I really didn't know for sure, I'd probably err on the side of caution and reach out (or pass the info on to the pastor or another church leader if I felt I couldn't for some reason). Better safe than sorry. All that to say, though, when I read that, my gut went more to drama/attention. IME, people who are really struggling don't *usually* lay it all out like that.

 

ETA--Whether it was a private response or a "reply all" would impact my interpretation too.

Edited November 13, 2012 by Kirch

[elfgivas]

is this a church person? if so, i might call the pastor and mention the email and ask for guidance as to what the pastor feels might be most helpful. you may gain some valuable insight, and perhaps she might get a pastoral visit out of it, too.

 

hth,

ann

[Catwoman]

It would depend. It's either a cry for help or a bid for attention. If I knew the person well enough to be pretty sure it was just a bid for attention, I'd probably either not respond or respond with something along the lines of, " I'm sorry you feel that way. We'd still love to have you if you change your mind!"

 

If I didn't know the person well or I really suspected it was a cry for help and not a drama queen thing, I'd probe deeper & try to reach out.

 

If I really didn't know for sure, I'd probably err on the side of caution and reach out (or pass the info on to the pastor or another church leader if I felt I couldn't for some reason). Better safe than sorry. All that to say, though, when I read that, my gut went more to drama/attention. IME, people who are really struggling don't *usually* lay it all out like that.

 

ETA--Whether it was a private response or a "reply all" would impact my interpretation too.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My response would definitely depend on how well I knew the person and whether or not I thought her complaints had any merit. My first thought was that she may be depressed, but without knowing the woman, I have no idea if she was being sincere or snotty.

[thebacabunch]

My gut says "ignore, run away!". Only you know the person and can decide if this is normal attention seeking behavior or a true problem.

[Element]

I would not respond.

[Incognito]

She does sound stressed. I'm wondering if her birthday is around the same time and she is being ignored so she is upset? Or is she someone who is truly on the fringes and her stress/illness is causing her to be blunt about this? Are you close enough friends that her being blunt isn't a bad thing?

 

Just some ideas. It doesn't sound like a nice, polite email, but there is a lot of context missing.

[IsabelC]

That's a big cry for help. Even if she has a mental illness or disorder, that's hardly a good reason to shun her. If you care about this person at all, please be generous and respond.

[Denisemomof4]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

[mirth]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

 

Everything she said!

[Cassy]

I grew up with a super passive aggressive parent with some NPD. I now having nothing to do with that person. An email like that would be something they would send so I'd ignore it and have nothing to do with that person ever again. Then again you might say I'm a bit scarred by my previous experience.

 

:iagree: This is how I would feel. However, having suffered from depression in the past, and having experienced similar feelings to this lady, I wouldn't want to ignore it completely. Whether I would respond personally, or ask another member of the group to look into it, would depend both on how strong I was feeling at the time and on how I felt about this woman in the first place.

[lynn]

I would reach out with a couple other women to see if there is someway to help.

[Guest submarines]

It would depend. It's either a cry for help or a bid for attention. If I knew the person well enough to be pretty sure it was just a bid for attention, I'd probably either not respond or respond with something along the lines of, " I'm sorry you feel that way. We'd still love to have you if you change your mind!"

 

If I didn't know the person well or I really suspected it was a cry for help and not a drama queen thing, I'd probe deeper & try to reach out.

 

If I really didn't know for sure, I'd probably err on the side of caution and reach out (or pass the info on to the pastor or another church leader if I felt I couldn't for some reason). Better safe than sorry. All that to say, though, when I read that, my gut went more to drama/attention. IME, people who are really struggling don't *usually* lay it all out like that.

 

ETA--Whether it was a private response or a "reply all" would impact my interpretation too.

 

:iagree:

[Lolly]

Questions: Do you know this woman? Is she having health problems? (If you cannot answer that question, she most likely has a point.) Is she usually excluded? Does this large group have a lot of smaller groups within it? Does she belong to one of them, or is she just usually on the sidelines? Did anyone see fit to recognize her birthday in any way?

 

The horrid truth is that church is often a place where people are excluded and feel left out. It is usually large enough that there are many social groups (cliques); no one notices the people who are not included in any group. Yet, the sidelined person gets to hear about everyone getting together and doing things. Often, that person has tried to be included in different groups but has been denied access. That can go so far as to inviting people over or out to do things. I have even known people who have accepted those invitations who had the gall to call and cancel shortly before with the reason of "we were invited to go to .... with ...., so we are doing that instead." I mean, really! So, yes, this woman could have a problem. But, that problem could possibly be the way she has been treated by this particular group of women.

[Soror]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[elegantlion]

Questions: Do you know this woman? Is she having health problems? (If you cannot answer that question, she most likely has a point.) Is she usually excluded? Does this large group have a lot of smaller groups within it? Does she belong to one of them, or is she just usually on the sidelines? Did anyone see fit to recognize her birthday in any way?

 

The horrid truth is that church is often a place where people are excluded and feel left out. It is usually large enough that there are many social groups (cliques); no one notices the people who are not included in any group. Yet, the sidelined person gets to hear about everyone getting together and doing things. Often, that person has tried to be included in different groups but has been denied access. That can go so far as to inviting people over or out to do things. I have even known people who have accepted those invitations who had the gall to call and cancel shortly before with the reason of "we were invited to go to .... with ...., so we are doing that instead." I mean, really! So, yes, this woman could have a problem. But, that problem could possibly be the way she has been treated by this particular group of women.

 

:iagree:

[Acorn]

Does your church group celebrate her birthday?

[kewb]

I don't have the time or patience to deal with passive aggressive people. I don't doubt that she may be going through some stuff. If I knew her I might reach out to see how she was doing. If she was a friend of mine I would tell her to cut out the passive aggressive carp.

 

If this is a group of people I did not feel connected too other then this group I would consider dropping out if I was not getting the desired return on my investment.

[besroma]

I would reach out with a couple other women to see if there is someway to help.

 

:iagree:

[chicagoshannon]

I would email her and ask if she'd like to go out for coffee or something. It sounds like she needs someone to vent to.

[8circles]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

:iagree:

I'm familiar with both NPD and passive-aggressive behavior like this in my family. I think it would be unusual (not impossible, just less likely) for this to be purely drama. If this got brushed-off by people in The Church, that would be wrong.

[Lisbeth]

If someone sent someone else an email about their kids doing art work for a local fundraiser for a children's hospital as well as an invite to join a large group of women celebrate the birthdays of 2 women in the church and it was responded with something along the lines of...

I have not been able to do any art projects with my kids because I am not doing well. As for the birthday, I don't think I should go because going would just reinforce my belief that no one there values having a relationship with me, so it's best for me if I pass....

 

Would you respond to that? Or just drop it? Or what?

 

1. if it is out of character for that person, I would check in on them

2. if it is from a typically Eyore-ish drama queen, I would "blackhole" it and not respond.

[Unicorn.]

I agree w/ Denise and Lolly. If she has been so ill that she can't do artwork w/ her kids, and no one bothered to notice, then being invited to celebrate the birthdays of two other women in the group is just a slap in the face. I think you need to contact her to see what's going on, and if your group can help in any way. Meals, helping out w/ the kids, etc.

[Momma2Luke]

I don't know that I could ignore such an email. If this is not typical behavior for this woman (or if you don't know) - then I would be scheduling a visit very soon for a heart-to heart talk....

 

If this is typical behavior for this woman, I would still reply, but I think my response would be a bit more light-hearted... something along the lines of " Oh, DO come XX....we want to catch up with you and hear what's been going on in your life. Please reconsider!"

[Kathryn]

I agree w/ Denise and Lolly. If she has been so ill that she can't do artwork w/ her kids, and no one bothered to notice, then being invited to celebrate the birthdays of two other women in the group is just a slap in the face. I think you need to contact her to see what's going on, and if your group can help in any way. Meals, helping out w/ the kids, etc.

 

:iagree:

[Murmer]

As someone who feels very left out at my church I can see where she is coming from...and there have been times when I have reached a breaking point in my trying not to care that I am left out of everything (IE I set up a Halloween party invited 10 people and NO ONE SHOWED UP), that I have said similar things just because I am emotionally at my end with being a nobody. As for responding I don't really know if there is an honest thing you can do unless you are ready to be her friend or are able to help her become a part of your group.

[dirty ethel rackham]

The person sounds possibly clinically depressed. She isn't doing well and isn't able to do things with her kids (physical illness?). And the thing about no one valuing her could be expressing hurt and pain that is founded in people's lack of compassion and caring but could also come from depression. I would reach out to her - not to push the invitation - but to see how she is doing.

 

:iagree: I have been in that place (but never had the nerve to really express those thoughts.

[Jennifer3141]

If someone sent someone else an email about their kids doing art work for a local fundraiser for a children's hospital as well as an invite to join a large group of women celebrate the birthdays of 2 women in the church and it was responded with something along the lines of...

I have not been able to do any art projects with my kids because I am not doing well. As for the birthday, I don't think I should go because going would just reinforce my belief that no one there values having a relationship with me, so it's best for me if I pass....

 

Would you respond to that? Or just drop it? Or what?

 

 

This is a church group email and response?

 

If it is, then I would reach out to this person and see listen. Churches are supposed to do that, right?

 

Now if upon investigation, I discover some mental whackiness that I cannot help personally, I may recommend someone or point this behavior our to the leadership in the church.

[Hwin]

It's either passive-aggressive, or this woman is in a pit of misery and unable to ask for help in a more socially acceptable way.

[Laurie4b]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

 

:iagree: Pick up the phone.

 

It could be someone in major pain who just passed a boundary and impulsively told you and/or others. To not follow up for fear that it's drama involves either fear or indifference, neither of which is a big enough reason to overcome compassion. If you do find out it's attention-seeking? Whatever, move on.

 

If it's a cry for help though, you'll be so glad that you did follow up.

[ThisIsTheDay]

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

 

I know many wonderful women who have been "shunned" by cliques at their church. Unfortunately, the people in those special groups never look outside to see what they can do for anyone else, for any number of reasons. I'd see this as a genuine cry for help, and I would reach out.

 

As someone who feels very left out at my church I can see where she is coming from...and there have been times when I have reached a breaking point in my trying not to care that I am left out of everything (IE I set up a Halloween party invited 10 people and NO ONE SHOWED UP), that I have said similar things just because I am emotionally at my end with being a nobody. As for responding I don't really know if there is an honest thing you can do unless you are ready to be her friend or are able to help her become a part of your group.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:Murmer:grouphug::grouphug:

[happyhomemaker]

:iagree: I have been in that place (but never had the nerve to really express those thoughts.

 

:grouphug: Me too.

[Rebel Yell]

I would respond to it, and take a look at my actions and maybe the group's to see if this is true. Lots of groups do lots of activities but nothing important, if you know what I mean.

:iagree:

 

It would depend. It's either a cry for help or a bid for attention. If I knew the person well enough to be pretty sure it was just a bid for attention, I'd probably either not respond or respond with something along the lines of, " I'm sorry you feel that way. We'd still love to have you if you change your mind!"

 

If I didn't know the person well or I really suspected it was a cry for help and not a drama queen thing, I'd probe deeper & try to reach out.

 

If I really didn't know for sure, I'd probably err on the side of caution and reach out (or pass the info on to the pastor or another church leader if I felt I couldn't for some reason). Better safe than sorry. All that to say, though, when I read that, my gut went more to drama/attention. IME, people who are really struggling don't *usually* lay it all out like that.

 

ETA--Whether it was a private response or a "reply all" would impact my interpretation too.

:iagree:

 

 

If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

I am curious, have you ever seen this woman at church? Is she always alone? Do you know if anyone has tried to befriend her? Do you know if she is a single mom? sadly, single moms regularly feel shunned by the church community. They feel that churchis set up for families with two parents, not families like theirs. I had several single moms share that with me.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

:iagree:

 

 

Questions: Do you know this woman? Is she having health problems? (If you cannot answer that question, she most likely has a point.) Is she usually excluded? Does this large group have a lot of smaller groups within it? Does she belong to one of them, or is she just usually on the sidelines? Did anyone see fit to recognize her birthday in any way?

 

The horrid truth is that church is often a place where people are excluded and feel left out. It is usually large enough that there are many social groups (cliques); no one notices the people who are not included in any group. Yet, the sidelined person gets to hear about everyone getting together and doing things. Often, that person has tried to be included in different groups but has been denied access. That can go so far as to inviting people over or out to do things. I have even known people who have accepted those invitations who had the gall to call and cancel shortly before with the reason of "we were invited to go to .... with ...., so we are doing that instead." I mean, really! So, yes, this woman could have a problem. But, that problem could possibly be the way she has been treated by this particular group of women.

:iagree:

 

You know what- I am not depressed and not NPD, and I probably could have written the exact same reply to the OP. I feel invisible at church... I almost get angry when I am only called/emailed to do stuff for other people- and not one single person has contacted me to see how I'm doing after the loss of my step-dad. I'm not the type to just announce over the prayer chain that I'm hurting- deeply. The worst one for me was when I was so sick with a pregnancy that I had lost over 20 pounds- i got a call asking me to cook a meal for an expectant mom who had morning sickness. :glare: It was no secret I was sick. I wanted to punch that woman (the caller, not the pg mom) through the phone.

 

Anyway- the OP's emailer may have just been pushed past her limit.

[Brilliant]

Does your church group celebrate her birthday?

 

I wondered at that, too. Who are the 2 birthday women that get a huge publicly announced party given by church members? I thought the original email was odd/inappropriate.

[TranquilMind]

Denisemomof4: If this woman is feeling shunned by her church family, which is unfortunate yet common, ignoring her email would only reinforce what she already feels. And it would be cold hearted.

 

 

Exactly. I'm a bit surprised, but shouldn't be, to read that this unknown writer who might just be having a really bad day is being diagnosed with mental illnesses?!

 

I have been a part of quite a few churches. I was active and involved in all of them. While I always tended to make friends easily, all too often there were lonely people in the church who tried to reach out to others but were ignored. Church is filled with cliques and popularity groups. Oftentimes it reminded me of high school. And it DISGUSTED me. I used to go out of my way to try to help the lonely plug in somewhere and usually introduced them to my group of friends, hoping she would establish connections and friendship. I can't remember a single church where someone didn't feel as this woman in your email.

 

Me either. Most people just don't SAY anything, but sometimes, if you hit them on a bad day, they will speak out like that.

 

What's that quote? Most men live lives of quiet desperation?

The email has to be addressed, if not by you, then by someone.

 

Yep.

 

If you reach out and find that this woman is attention seeking, a drama queen or passive aggressive, then it is time to move along. But right now, this woman needs a little compassion, and church SHOULD be a safe place where she should freely receive it.

 

Agreed.

[TranquilMind]

Rebel Yell:

 

You know what- I am not depressed and not NPD, and I probably could have written the exact same reply to the OP. I feel invisible at church... I almost get angry when I am only called/emailed to do stuff for other people- and not one single person has contacted me to see how I'm doing after the loss of my step-dad. I'm not the type to just announce over the prayer chain that I'm hurting- deeply. The worst one for me was when I was so sick with a pregnancy that I had lost over 20 pounds- i got a call asking me to cook a meal for an expectant mom who had morning sickness. :glare: It was no secret I was sick. I wanted to punch that woman (the caller, not the pg mom) through the phone.

 

I hear you, and I'm sorry. Sometimes, enough is just enough. I posted about some difficulties I was experiencing a couple of weeks ago on a very bad day. I was immediately diagnosed as "clinically depressed" and "needed help." Nope. I just spoke out instead of remaining silent. I am just fine.

 

Anyway- the OP's emailer may have just been pushed past her limit.

 

Exactly. We all have them.

[TranquilMind]

I would email her and ask if she'd like to go out for coffee or something. It sounds like she needs someone to vent to.

 

This is the kindest thing I read today.

[Lolly]

 

You know what- I am not depressed and not NPD, and I probably could have written the exact same reply to the OP. I feel invisible at church... I almost get angry when I am only called/emailed to do stuff for other people- and not one single person has contacted me to see how I'm doing after the loss of my step-dad. I'm not the type to just announce over the prayer chain that I'm hurting- deeply. The worst one for me was when I was so sick with a pregnancy that I had lost over 20 pounds- i got a call asking me to cook a meal for an expectant mom who had morning sickness. :glare: It was no secret I was sick. I wanted to punch that woman (the caller, not the pg mom) through the phone.

 

Anyway- the OP's emailer may have just been pushed past her limit.

 

Part of me has been wondering if her birthday is right around that same time. Or, just passed without even her family noticing. (Yes, that did just happen to me last week. :glare: Fortunately, I found it to be funny.:lol: Now, dh is in a wonderful position!:D)

[Slartibartfast]

I would not be quick to diagnose someone with a mental illness from a couple lines in an email.

 

It seems...terribly unfair and unkind.

 

I would reach out and try to help.

[basschick]

Thank you all for responses! I should clarify that I was not the "someone" who received this email.

I know the "someone" who sent the email very well. I know she is hurting and has been hurting for a long time. She is withdrawing from the church because it is program-focused and not people-focused (I know...a common problem) and I think she feels that no one gives a rip about her unless they need something. She is considerate, has offered to help many people in difficult situations, but has been ignored apart from being called on for some sort of "ministry". I figure she should forget about the church altogether, but that's her choice. The email was sent to one person and never responded to, which probably just verifies her opinion of no one wanting to be her friend. She is definately not NPD and very quiet. I'm just wondering if what she said was out of line and socially unacceptable and that is why she did not get a response, or if the person who received the email was just so taken off guard and does not know what to do. So I was wondering how others might view the email. She has great long-distance friends (me!! Lol!) but after 5 years of trying to fit in, she is also tired of being left out (although she DID get an invite to an evening out!) and her kids have been hurt and left out by most of the other kids in the church. That would be my breaking point. Which brings me to another question about my kids and their church "friends", but I will have to post about that later.

 

Yeah....I am surprised about the non response she got (at least so far) from her so-called friend, but perhaps this was the wrong way to reach out? Although in times of desperation, having a bad day, hitting "send" without thinking it through, and yes...she struggles with depression, we respond in ways that are out of character for us. She deeply regrets sending the email. I told her to move on and she is, but not without a blow to her faith. Sad.

 

Thank you all for your replies!

[elegantlion]

Yeah....I am surprised about the non response she got (at least so far) from her so-called friend, but perhaps this was the wrong way to reach out? Although in times of desperation, having a bad day, hitting "send" without thinking it through, and yes...she struggles with depression, we respond in ways that are out of character for us. She deeply regrets sending the email. I told her to move on and she is, but not without a blow to her faith. Sad.

 

Thank you all for your replies!

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Many hugs for your friend. I thought the church was there to reach to the hurting and broken, not shun them. BTDT, sorry it happened to her. The problem with the church (and anything else) is that it is filled with imperfect people. It's hard to get to the point where your faith lies not within those people or the establishment. I'm still working on that one myself, haven't yet figured out where to land.