Mrs Mungo Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Things came to a head today and he feels that because they are family we shouldn't charge them money, or be willing to cut them a break from time to time. I understand that, and I'm fine with giving them a break if they need it. I'm not just sitting on my butt while they watch TV for 2 hours. My niece is sweet, but high-strung and constantly moving and eating. I feel like my time is valuable. If I needed to work and needed childcare, I would pay someone even if they were family. Compensation in some way. So, my question is: Would you charge a family member for childcare? I feel like he thinks I'm greedy and selfish when he says stuff like "They're family." Why does your dh feel he should be compensated for his time and energy (via his job), but you shouldn't? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Unless it's a situation where I'm trying to help out a relative who is in financial difficulty, I would charge a reasonable fee. I can imagine a situation where I'm doing the childminding as an act of love so that the relative can get back on his/her feet. But that doesn't sound like your case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I wouldn't charge for an occasional thing--like someone mentioned, for an evening out--but definitely would for a regular situation like you are doing. UNLESS I was doing it as a kindness and their financial situation was dramatically worse than ours. I can see how your dh feels awkward taking money for it, but probably more because he's not actually doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Why does your dh feel he should be compensated for his time and energy (via his job), but you shouldn't? :iagree: Ask him if he understands what he's implying with this attitude... Either you don't have a "real" job and should therefore be expected to help others whenever asked as you aren't "busy" (bon bons and soap operas) OR that the work you do isn't as valuable as someone else's. I bet he just hasn't thought about it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
labst60 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Didn't read all the responses but wonder if OP's DH would feel different if he was the one doing the daily watching of the child? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 As has been said, once in awhile, or even regularly once a month, no; daily, for the forseeable future, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Haha... I feel a little defensive of my husband. I don't mean to make this sound like he completely undervalues me. I think he has a hard time understanding what I do, and vice versa. I think he sees all the *benefits*: taking E (our son) to the park, to playdates, hanging out with friends (not often by any means, but enough that I don't go crazy), etc. His work is really stressful, he constantly feels unqualified, overworked, etc. I think it's a situation on perspective. It is *comparitavely* easier. Are BIL and SIL having money troubles? If so I guess I'd consider that. If not, you should charge. Snacks aren't free! From what we can tell (from the outside looking in), they don't. But you never know. They pay me on par with other afterschooling rates in the area. I tried to knock it down, but she refused. I guess what it is is two conflicting feelings. I talk to her (occassionally) and it doesn't seem like an issue. My husband talks with her and he says he gets the vibe that it's an issue (family member paying). And he's usually spot-on with vibes. So, thanks again for the response. I still plan on charging and I'll probably share some perspective with dh tonight. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Occasional babysitting, no. A regular gig, like you describe, absolutely. Especially for a sibling or sibling-in-law (i.e. it might be different for grandchildren; you'd have to ask me again when I get there!) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 You are right. He is wrong. If he wants to give them a break then he can watch the kid for a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reign Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 My husband would side with your husband. I agree with you. If I were watching the child I would want to be paid. If my husband were watching the kid he could do it for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 For an every day/regular thing, yes I'd charge to keep from being walked all over. For a once in a while thing, I wouldn't charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Exactly. I do not mind watching anyone's kids when they need a few hours. But a daily gig that keeps you tied to their schedule is a job. And jobs done for others are paid unless there are extraordinary circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BibleBeltCatholicMom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 No, I probably wouldn't charge for a couple of hours per day after school. However, if doing it gratis would lead to rancor or discontent, you probably should. You could give them gift booklets with certificates for "a week of free sitting after school." or "one free day of " or whatever. You could give it to them for Christmas or something. That way you can give them some gratis but w/in certain bounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I accidentally voted no. Under those circumstances, yes, I would charge. I would babysit for date nights or occasional appts. for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I would and have charged for a long-term arrangement such as you're describing. I was my bro and SIL's "nanny" for a summer. I didn't charge a lot - they saved about 80-90% of what they were paying for in home daycare before it closed, but I lived with them too so got "room and board" plus cash. I've never charged for just straight babysitting to family members for friends, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, in your circumstance I would charge. Your time is valuable. You don't stay home and care for your children to turn around and take care of someone else's for free. However, if it were someone in a crisis situation or someone who was barely eking by and couldn't afford safe care, then I might consider doing it for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes. Occasionally for family & friends, I wouldn't expect or want payment. But regularly like a Job? I would hope to be paid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. YES! This! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheerioKid Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge family for a regular gig. I babysit a non-family 11 month old two days a week, and his mom pays me well enough. If she were to need me to watch him for a few hours outside the normal schedule, I would do it without asking for extra pay, because that's "helping a friend/family member out". I would do the same for a family member. Here's how I figure it: If my babysitting allows you to have a job and make money, then you should pay me to babysit. If my babysitting allows you to go out and have a nice quiet dinner with your spouse, I don't ask for money. That is a favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If it was a regular daily or multi-days per week arrangement, you bet I'd charge them. A day care or private sitter would charge for their time, so why shouldn't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge....but I would try to rate it at an amount below the going rate that is fair to all. That way you are doing them a favor by doing it less than others but still get compensated for the work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I would charge if it was a regular job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I vote yes, because it is a standing arrangement. If it were a day here and there, rare, for something, then I would say no. But for a regular thing? Absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Ask him if he would do his job for free for a couple of hours a day for your brother/sister on an ongoing basis. My guess is that he will feel that he would watch their child, but not "work." there's the problem. It is perspective and how we view staying home with children. I would charge since it is a daily thing. Excellent point! And to be honest, I wouldn't offer any "free days" or "free weeks." They hired you to do a job for a certain amount of money. Period. Don't back down on this! And if this is going to be an ongoing dispute with your dh, I think you should tell your dh that you're going to tell his brother that you're no longer able to babysit for his child, and let BIL and SIL pay someone else..... who won't offer them free days or free weeks. Your dh is being entirely unreasonable about this. If he wants his brother to have free childcare for his kid, your dh can take the kid to work with him every day and watch her for free. (Gee, I wonder what he'd say about that... :glare:) You work. You get paid. Full price. Every week. End of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge....but I would try to rate it at an amount below the going rate that is fair to all. That way you are doing them a favor by doing it less than others but still get compensated for the work. I don't agree with the lower rate. They're already getting a huge bonus by knowing they can trust the person who's caring for their child. In fact, I would be willing to pay a premium for that peace of mind. There's no reason why Kat's time is worth less than someone else's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Excellent point! And to be honest, I wouldn't offer any "free days" or "free weeks." They hired you to do a job for a certain amount of money. Period. Don't back down on this! And if this is going to be an ongoing dispute with your dh, I think you should tell your dh that you're going to tell his brother that you're no longer able to babysit for his child, and let BIL and SIL pay someone else..... who won't offer them free days or free weeks. Your dh is being entirely unreasonable about this. If he wants his brother to have free childcare for his kid, your dh can take the kid to work with him every day and watch her for free. (Gee, I wonder what he'd say about that... :glare:) You work. You get paid. Full price. Every week. End of story. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stansclan89 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, you should get paid. If I were the one getting the childcare, I would not feel comfortable having you watch my child everyday after school without paying you. I would feel I was taking advantage of the situation. If I were the one giving the childcare, I would feel like a doormat if I weren't being paid. If they are having money problems here and there, I can understand needing to go without pay every once in a while, but not just because. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I don't agree with the lower rate. They're already getting a huge bonus by knowing they can trust the person who's caring for their child. In fact, I would be willing to pay a premium for that peace of mind. There's no reason why Kat's time is worth less than someone else's. Exactly. There is usually a premium involved in personal childcare. Not to mention the premium for paying someone who can be flexible about pickups, etc. When I was a working, single mom, my daycare charged a dollar per minute after 6:00. You also paid when you were on vacation (since you took up a spot), and paid extra when school was out and it was a full day gig. So, yeah, I think the going rate is generous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge if it is a permanent arrangement and the parents are able to pay. I would not charge if my child care enabled a single teenage mom in my family to stay in school. :iagree: This sums up my feelings well. For a regular gig, you definitely should be paid. Unless there are extenuating circumstances that make YOU choose to give of your timely freely, as a gift. For me, those circumstances would involve a family member or close friend with few other resources and options, working toward a better solution. My folks let me and my oldest two children live with them while my husband completed graduate school. My husband was in a program where he could not work for pay, so I had to work to pay our bills. My mom watched the boys for me while I worked. My parents did not charge us for daycare or for living with them. They were happy to help us out and to have the boys close by (we have otherwise lived in another state). But it was temporary and for a purpose. If we lived near them, and I were going to work outside the home for extra income and my mom was going to watch the littles so I could do so, then I would pay her. Your time is valuable, and you are giving up the opportunity to do other things during those hours in order to provide loving care for their child. That is valuable. If SIL was a single mom, or they had major financial difficulties, or she was going back to school to better their situation, then maybe it would be a different story. But so they can have the second income that you forego by staying home with your own child? No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I would charge if it was a regular thing. I don't know if anyone else asked this, but is your husband watching this girl? Because if he's not the one watching her, he shouldn't be the one pushing not to charge for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I would charge if it was a regular thing. I don't know if anyone else asked this, but is your husband watching this girl? Because if he's not the one watching her, he shouldn't be the one pushing not to charge for it. :iagree: It's really easy to say that a service should be provided for free... as long as you're not the one stuck providing the service. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Ask him if he would do his job for free for a couple of hours a day for your brother/sister on an ongoing basis. My guess is that he will feel that he would watch their child, but not "work." there's the problem. It is perspective and how we view staying home with children. I would charge since it is a daily thing. :iagree: :iagree:I would be really annoyed with my dh for not valuing my time. You are home with your kids and that is your job. How often does he do his job "for family" without getting paid? I doubt he would do it on a regular basis. :iagree: :iagree: Ask him if he understands what he's implying with this attitude... Either you don't have a "real" job and should therefore be expected to help others whenever asked as you aren't "busy" (bon bons and soap operas) OR that the work you do isn't as valuable as someone else's. I bet he just hasn't thought about it that way. You are right. He is wrong. If he wants to give them a break then he can watch the kid for a week. :iagree: :lol: I would charge family for a regular gig. I babysit a non-family 11 month old two days a week, and his mom pays me well enough. If she were to need me to watch him for a few hours outside the normal schedule, I would do it without asking for extra pay, because that's "helping a friend/family member out". I would do the same for a family member. Here's how I figure it: If my babysitting allows you to have a job and make money, then you should pay me to babysit. If my babysitting allows you to go out and have a nice quiet dinner with your spouse, I don't ask for money. That is a favor. :iagree:1million%! I watched a friend's child for free while both parents worked part-time and went out on job searches/interviews, and saved for their security deposit. I trade child-care with friends for fun things and in emergencies. No way would I do a regular child care job free for someone who was using me so they could go make money. Not even if I had more money than I needed. And something else to consider: your child is very young now and it might truly not be a big deal to take another child along to the park or whatever you do with your niece. Someday you might have more of your own children. You will be homeschooling and perhaps your child will be in an after-school class/activity. Trust me, it will *not* be so easy to just have an extra child around for a few hours every day. Start valuing your time NOW- in the future, your time will be even more precious and valuable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I also think it's a point of pride for my husband. But what about your pride in your *work* as a caregiver in this situation? I picked other. I wouldn't for occasional times. If there were extenuating circumstances, I would consider doing it for free. And I would probably charge family a rate that was a very, very good deal. But I would charge for regular sitting like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladydusk Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 offered to pay a set amount a week. If they offered to pay, they expect to pay someone for childcare for their daughter. They'd rather pay family at, presumably, a discounted rate than they'd regularly pay. I'd accept their payment happily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 In the situation you describe, where the arrangement was paid by agreement from the beginning, then yes, I would continue to charge. There are other relative situations where I wouldn't, or wouldn't expect someone else to, but that isn't one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 Don't back down on this! I don't plan on it. :tongue_smilie: I wanted to ask this question because I felt we needed outside perspective. Clearly I'm right. :D I think he might feel pressure from them not to take the money. Like they offered and weren't really expecting me to say yes. Sorry, I know how my niece is. There's no way I'm not getting compensated. But we're fine, I'm lucky to have an incredibly humble husband who will admit he's wrong or unreasonable. ;) That's just how he's felt for a while, and it's accumulated until we finally had it out today. I think he does tend to think childcare is easy. We have an easy kid. If we ever have another, I think God has a special, high-strung child (just like our niece!) to send us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 They offered for crying out loud. I would likely babysit grandkids for free. I would do it for free to help out a good friend, sis or sil who was in trouble financially. I would not do it for free otherwise. Besides, I think seeing it as a business deal actually can help prevent strain on the relationship. For ex, if someone is doing you a favor, do you feel comfortable asking them to please not feed your kid candy at 5PM? OK maybe once, but what about when the number of "special requests" mounts? On the other hand, if they are being paid, of course you can ask! Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I'm glad you guys got it straightened out! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I don't agree with the lower rate. They're already getting a huge bonus by knowing they can trust the person who's caring for their child. In fact, I would be willing to pay a premium for that peace of mind. There's no reason why Kat's time is worth less than someone else's. I also don't agree with the lower rate. I would pay extra to someone I knew I could trust without a doubt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) I would charge for an everyday after school thing. No question. If I got kick back from DH, I would quit doing it. Every now and then or when you are available is one thing. Every. single. day after school is different. For those of you that said you would do it for free, I wonder if you would feel the other poster should feel obligated to continue if she wanted to put her kids in dance or swim lesson or something else that conflicted with the current arrangement? I mean, she is giving up every afternoon! I just can't imagine doing that with no compensation on a long term basis. Editing to add: Part of having two parents working is working out childcare. You either work opposite shifts or you have to pay for it. Edited October 10, 2012 by staceyobu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Last time I had a paying job, I paid my own MOM to watch my child. It was known upfront that it would only be for three months too (tax season). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 It's easy for your husband to say you should do it for free -- he's not the one doing it. No way I'd watch somebody's kid every day after school without compensation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 If your dh feels strongly that you should provide free childcare, he's welcome to be 100% in charge of his neice and nephew when they are at your house. - but just them being there is an inconvienece. if your ils thought you'd just babysit for free, they're welcome to find other accomodations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrobynne Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Our extended family has a bunch of different approaches for babysitting relatives. My youngest SIL watches my 3yo niece 2 afternoons a week while both the parents are at work and during occasional evenings out. They pay her the going rate. DH and I occasionally ask youngest SIL to watch one or more of our kids. It's always at her house because she's severely allergic to our cat. If I'm dropping our 2 year old off for 2 hours to (last year, pre-homeschooling) go to my big kids' play, I don't pay her. If we're dropping all 3 kids off for 5 hours to go to a wedding, we pay something close to the going rate. I don't think either my SIL/BIL with the 3yo or us have ever charged my MIL/FIL to watch any kids. Then there are days like last month when my mom was in the hospital (planned surgery) and my MIL and SIL watched all the kids half the day so I could be with my mom. As for between my BIL/SIL and us, we do a fair amount of bartering with other things, but babysitting trades aren't carefully tracked. We've had the niece stay overnight at our house about 3 times but our kids haven't slept over there. The 3 kids/1 kid imbalance makes it tricky and they work wacky hours so it's harder to find a time when they could watch our kids. I usually call her first if I'd like to drop my toddler off for a couple hours but it rarely works out. It's easier to toss a 3yo into our crew and not have it feel like that much work than it is to incorporate our kids into their lives. The times our niece has slept over, we've offered to take her -- they didn't ask us first. Anyway, my vote is: regular gig = paid (maybe at a slight family discount); special circumstances = unpaid but appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Yes. If your dh is the one watching the child, he can feel free to do it without compensation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I feel that I should do the right thing and not ask for money. But I also feel that they should do the right thing and insist on paying (money or in kind). So what would happen here, is I would do it for nothing, and then I'd get more and more resentful about it. Much wiser to charge from the get-go like you have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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