KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Poll coming. Okay, I'm hoping you all will help give perspective on a point of contention between my husband and I. My SIL and BIL (my husband's sister) have a daughter that I watch after school (she's a ps 1st grader). They asked me to at the beginning of the school year and offered to pay a set amount a week. I took them up on the offer because we have one income. We aren't hurting for cash, but we live with minimal expenses. It's been about 2 months, and my husband keeps mentioning that we should give them a break and not let them pay a week here or there, or not charge for a week, and on and on. Things came to a head today and he feels that because they are family we shouldn't charge them money, or be willing to cut them a break from time to time. I understand that, and I'm fine with giving them a break if they need it. I'm not just sitting on my butt while they watch TV for 2 hours. My niece is sweet, but high-strung and constantly moving and eating. I feel like my time is valuable. If I needed to work and needed childcare, I would pay someone even if they were family. Compensation in some way. So, my question is: Would you charge a family member for childcare? I feel like he thinks I'm greedy and selfish when he says stuff like "They're family." I also think it's a point of pride for my husband. I think he feels his sister and bil are having "pity" on us because we only have one income. We've never had difficulties, we just can't go out to eat every day. And sometimes money is tighter than usual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, if it's a regular arrangement, that seems pretty typical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Occasional babysitting, no. A regular gig, like you describe, absolutely. Especially for a sibling or sibling-in-law (i.e. it might be different for grandchildren; you'd have to ask me again when I get there!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom23Boys Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Ask him if he would do his job for free for a couple of hours a day for your brother/sister on an ongoing basis. My guess is that he will feel that he would watch their child, but not "work." there's the problem. It is perspective and how we view staying home with children. I would charge since it is a daily thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge unless it was a special case- like the parents were under some particular hardship. But both going to work and earning money? No- they are expected to pay for the child they're raising. Now, you can certainly spend some of that money doing something nice for them- like a gift card or a home cooked meal ready to take home some Friday night when they need to relax or something. But that's only IF you feel like it. You're working too- for them. Sorry your dh sees it the way he does- it makes it more difficult for you to stand up for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I answered Other because it would depend on how the situation came about. But I will say that I have been truly blessed to have people in my life to watch my kids without expecting payment. The first is my mom. Of course, she is grandma, but she goes above and beyond to help me out with the kids (I work part-time, kids in school, dh works out of town). The second is my best friend. Last year, dd went to preschool where best friend works. My bff left work each day at 1:45 and I worked until 5:00. She hated the idea of dd staying at daycare all day (preschool in the morning, daycare in the afternoon), so she brought dd home with her each day. I offered to pay her, but she was adamant that I could not. So I got her gift cards regularly, which she did accept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, in the situation you describe, I'd charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 In this case, I would. If the child is eating my food and requiring attention, I would charge a minimal amount. It also prevents them from taking advantage of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Child care is work. Therefore, I'd charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 For the way you've described the situation, I'd say to charge them. By the way, I really don't understand letting them not pay "here or there". I'd find that even more confusing. How often would they get free care? Pay for 3 weeks, get the 4th free? When you're in a good mood, get a week free? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Thanks for the responses. I think another point is that his mom and dad watch our son occasionally so we can go out on dates. They won't take money, but we try to compensate them by bringing them Starbucks or making large meals and inviting them over. So I think he feels like that's what you do. We're both only 3 years into this parenting thing. But it does make sense that favors are different than ongoing care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) When I worked, one year my sister watched the kids and another time it was mil. We paid them the going rate. The same as we paid another, non-relative sitter. We never were given or expected free sitting. It is a job!! I never ever expected them to watch the kids for free with this arrangement. For an evening out here and there my sister did watch the kids as a favor ...very different from daily and ongoing Edited October 9, 2012 by happi duck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I'm of the opinion that even GParents should charge if the parents are working. Now for date nights or such, totally different story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, if it's a regular arrangement, that seems pretty typical. :iagree: I paid my SIL to watch my daughter from birth to 2 1/2. I believe they should be paying for your services if this is a regular thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Ask him if he would do his job for free for a couple of hours a day for your brother/sister on an ongoing basis. My guess is that he will feel that he would watch their child, but not "work." there's the problem. It is perspective and how we view staying home with children. I would charge since it is a daily thing. :iagree:I would be really annoyed with my dh for not valuing my time. You are home with your kids and that is your job. How often does he do his job "for family" without getting paid? I doubt he would do it on a regular basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 For the arrangement you describe, yes, you should be charging them and they should be paying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 For the way you've described the situation, I'd say to charge them. By the way, I really don't understand letting them not pay "here or there". I'd find that even more confusing. How often would they get free care? Pay for 3 weeks, get the 4th free? When you're in a good mood, get a week free? :001_smile: That's what I asked him when I finally made a point to discuss it today. I don't understand when you would charge and when you wouldn't. I should say that I barely have a relationship with his sister. (They work together) So she talks to him about the logistics and sometimes leaves the money with him. So that makes him more uncomfortable, I guess... taking money for a job he doesn't do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexi Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Absolutely! For a regular arrangement like that I would expect compensation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I cannot imagine any self respecting family member to feel good about you watching their child for free, so I would charge something. If I did not really need the money, then I might take the kids to museums (the niece too) after school, or get the kids all a treat some days, or in some way spend that money on things that benefit the niece. I agree with PP who said you should ask him if he would work for free for a few hours. That might change his perspective. I am often the one in my marriage that does not think about those sorts of things, and when dh poses a question like that it makes more sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I have a feeling you are not making anywhere near a daycare would. In which case, you are both winning in this situation. Even if you are making the same as daycare, you deserve to be paid for working. Totally different situation than an occasional night out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 That sounds like regular daycare. I wouldn't dream of doing that for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I sent him a screen shot of the poll results and he said "Well then, I guess I shouldn't feel bad then." :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I guess I'm the lone dissenter, but no, I personally would not charge. I would let them provide the snacks (or whatever meal) while she was in my care. So, if it's after school, I would tell SIL, hey we are not going to charge you for the care but could you make sure she has a snack with her to eat when she gets to my house? In our family, no one has ever charged family members. Of course, while raising our kids we've always lived away from family, so it's kind of a bummer:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I'm of the opinion that even GParents should charge if the parents are working. Now for date nights or such, totally different story. :iagree: I would definitely charge for daily care. I'd do some free date nights for them now and again if they do that for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If someone were watching my child daily, I would expect to pay them. Therefore I think your current schedule, where both the person doing the job and the people receiving the service are happy, is just fine. DH needs to stay out of it. He's making it more complicated then it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 :iagree:I would be really annoyed with my dh for not valuing my time. You are home with your kids and that is your job. How often does he do his job "for family" without getting paid? I doubt he would do it on a regular basis. :iagree: And he should not be receiving the money, you should. Personally, I would put it away for your retirement or your kid's college fund if he thinks it's not needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I think on a lot of levels charging is healthy and appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge if it is a permanent arrangement and the parents are able to pay. I would not charge if my child care enabled a single teenage mom in my family to stay in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I think another point is that his mom and dad watch our son occasionally so we can go out on dates. They won't take money, but we try to compensate them by bringing them Starbucks or making large meals and inviting them over. So I think he feels like that's what you do. We're both only 3 years into this parenting thing. But it does make sense that favors are different than ongoing care. The difference being that you take care of her on a routine basis, and they aren't asking you because they're doing something special. That comparison is apples and oranges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 And he should not be receiving the money, you should. That's a whole 'nother thread. She rarely talks to me at all. I think I weird her out with my introversion. It's rare that she does give dh the money, but she gave it to him yesterday, so that's why I think the issue came up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I said, "yes" -- however sometimes bartering would be in order. When my mom returns to the area full time, she will be spending time at my house helping school the children... I will pay her for her time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I said, "yes" -- however sometimes bartering would be in order. When my mom returns to the area full time, she will be spending time at my house helping school the children... I will pay her for her time. I agree, I think if we had something to barter, I would do that over money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Another thought: Clearly, your dh's pride is involved, but it's your time and effort. Given this, if I weren't interested in doing it for free, I would probably stop doing it all together. Otherwise, I think resentment will form on either his behalf or yours. For me, if I were doing it for money, but for less than local value, I would feel used. If I were doing it for free, I would need to make sure I felt like my time and effort were a gift I wanted to give. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyz Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I would charge for the regular arrangement. Maybe you could offer to keep her in the evening once in awhile for free so that BIL and SIL could have a night out? For something like that, I would not charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I wouldn't and I don't. I frequently babysit my sister's three kids, overnights too, when their work schedules overlap and the kids are alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Occasional sitting, no. Regular scheduled sitting, YES ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 In that situation, yes. I would charge. Otherwise you are totally setting yourself up to be taken advantage of in other situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Are BIL and SIL having money troubles? If so I guess I'd consider that. If not, you should charge. Snacks aren't free! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted yes, I would for the situation as you described. I wouldn't charge for a few hours here and there of baby-sitting - such as every now and then for the doctor or date night. But, for ongoing, regular care, I would charge, even if we didn't "need" the money. I feel like paying, even a token amount, lessens the chance of one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I voted other. I would not charge a family member, but we roll that way. I don't think it is wrong to charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, probably. There are many good things about making this a business transaction. Probably the best is that your in-laws don't feel like they "owe" you a favor. Personally, whether I would charge/pay would depend on the relative financial situation of both. I hire my sister to babysit and cook on Sundays, holidays, etc. She lost her regular job almost 4 years ago, so this is somewhat of a favor to her. The truth is that I don't "need" her that often, but I would rather give her the opportunity to work than see her struggling to buy food. On the other hand, I've had another sister and her husband (who were then childless and had two incomes) come a few times, and no money was exchanged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 They offered you a paying situation and should honor it. You would not be doing it at all if they hadn't made the offer. And I'm betting they are getting a huge price break compared to hiring someone else. If dh doesn't think it's not a bother, then he can babysit them. :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I agree with those that said "Yes" if it's a daily gig. Now as for not paying grandparents for the occasional date night, I have no problem with that. My mom does that for us when she's able to come out for a visit or if we're up in WI visiting her as do my inlaws in IA, but they would never accept money from us for doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I used to watch my nephew 5 days a week, from 8am to 6pm. I wouldn't have done it if they weren't giving me something for my time. I only charged them $125 for the week, so I think they got a deal.:001_smile: My nephew was six months younger than ds, so they had some good playtime together for a few years. It benefited all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I'm not sure if the question is whether or not to charge them. They are clearly taking advantage of you if they pay you only sometimes when you had a clear agreement that they would pay you for watching their child. If you let it ride, you'll be resentful. If you or your DH push it, it will put a strain on your DH's relationship with his sister, and possibly a strain between you and them as couples. You are in obvious disagreement, not only with your DH but also with them. I don't see a nice solution because I'm a negative person. However, I don't like to rock the boat so I would accept their 'sometimes pay' and grumble about it to DH. Also, if I would take only the money they decide to give to me, I would not be spending extra money on their child, like special food or activities. That's just really pushing it, IMHO. You can love the child even if you don't spend money on him/her. Now, if you're doing something for your children, then I think you should include your niece/nephew, who shouldn't be punished for his/her parents' thoughtlessness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Of course I would charge. My parents do take my 3 kids for free from time to time - but that's a date-night thing. Occasional, and only when they feel like it. If they'd rather go on vacation or out to a movie on a given night than play with my kids, they don't have to do it. If she's looking for dependable every-day care so she can go to work, yes, she should pay for it. There are many circumstances where I'd consider offering free childcare due to special issues (teen mom going to school was mentioned by a PP...), but in the general course of things, I think paying for regular day-to-day childcare is expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Child care is work. Therefore, I'd charge. :iagree: I have done ALOT of favors for my family in the sense of watching children and other small errands. EVERYTIME I didn't charge the help I offered and gave was taken for granted and I wasn't given much respect. THE minute I started charging everyones attitude changed and I was asked LESS often for things and when I was asked it was worth their money to have me do it. So I'd charge based on my own personal experience with family and friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, I would for the type of arrangement you describe. Occasional sitting, I would probably ask them to watch mine in return. For regular sitting, payment is reasonable and expected--even for family. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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