What Do You Call Your MIL and FIL?

[Melissa in Australia]

Hey, at least he isn't calling you Late For Dinner!

 

Where does that phrase come from anyway? My grandmother claimed not to care what she was called as long as it wasn't Late for Dinner.

 

Rosie

 

P.S Spam reported

 

late for dinner , I think , comes from the very old tradition of having dinner at a set time, and people who didn't show up when the dinner bell (or horn) was called, missed out on having anything to eat. So it is better to be called names than be called late for dinner and miss out on food.

[KidsHappen]

I call my mother in law mom and my father in law Papa Joe. My SILs call me by my first name except sometimes they call me what my grandson call me (mum) and my hubby what my grandson calls him (Ta-Da). We also call other members of the family what the grandson calls them so we have a Nana, A Goon, A Goon's Nana, A Shormy and some name that none of us can pronounce but that we understand to mean the youngest.

[Renthead Mommy]

I wouldn't dream of calling anyone other than my actual parents Mum and Dad. It would feel disrespectful to my parents who, after all, earned those titles through years of bringing me up, to give their special titles to someone else.

 

I already answered the inlaw part, but the above quote struck me as odd. I have two best friends. The mother of one my Fil is dating/ living with. The mother of the ither bf I call Mom. There are people out there that think I am her third daughter. My son calls her Grandma. I have called her Mom and he has called her Grandma in front of and in talking to my inlaws.

[kewb]

I call them by their first names. I can not imagine calling them mom and dad. I already have parents.

[The Girls' Mom]

First names. Calling them mom and dad would be weird. And confusing. It isn't a measure of my affection towards them...I like them better than most of my blood family.

[Rosie_0801]

late for dinner , I think , comes from the very old tradition of having dinner at a set time, and people who didn't show up when the dinner bell (or horn) was called, missed out on having anything to eat. So it is better to be called names than be called late for dinner and miss out on food.

 

Thank you :)

I guess I'll say the same to my grandkids then. :p

 

Rosie

[Mimm]

I call my inlaws by their first names and I adore my inlaws. We have a wonderful relationship. :) They treat me like a daughter and have since I married their son.

[SwallowTail]

First names, all the way around - or now that we are parents, I can call them what my dd calles them (nana, Oma, PawPaw, etc.).

[Just Kate]

I never even knew that people would call their in laws anything but their first names until I was newly married. My MIL, who I have a good relationship with, told me that when she was newly married, her MIL got upset that she wouldn't call her Mom. But my MIL already had a mom and didn't feel comfortable calling her that, so she just called her Ma (still does!). At first, I wondered if my MIL was telling me this because she wanted me to come up with a special name for her, but then I decided that I would really prefer to just call her by her name, so that's what I've done all these years.

[Impish]

I call them by their first names. I would not and could not ever call someone "mom" or "dad" who was not my actual mother or father. That, to me, feels incredibly disrespectful to my own parents (who are dead, and don't care now, but I still care.) Obvious disclaimers apply, YMMV, yada yada...

:iagree:I don't even like my parents, but feel the same way. Simply marrying her son doesn't 'earn' the title, if that makes any sense at all.

 

That's how I felt when we first got married. Now that I know her better...no. Heck no.

[QueenCat]

We call both sets by their first names.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This thread has been enlightening to me. Both dh and I grew up in cultures where you call people "family names - like Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Son, Daughter" based on age, not necessarily because you are actually related to them. So if I was at the grocery store with my children and the shopkeeper wanted to get my attention, he would say, "Mama, would you like these nice avocados?" Or if my kids weren't there and the shopkeeper was a younger man, he would call me "Auntie" or if he was older, he would call me "Daughter". The depth of our personal relationship would have nothing to do with it!

 

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Hey, at least he isn't calling you Late For Dinner!

 

Where does that phrase come from anyway? My grandmother claimed not to care what she was called as long as it wasn't Late for Dinner.

 

Rosie

 

P.S Spam reported

 

LOL, is that a term from Down Under?

 

True, as long as he isn't calling me anything disrespectful, I can live with it. He really is a good guy and adds a nice lil' flavor to the family.

[Georgiana Daniels]

late for dinner , I think , comes from the very old tradition of having dinner at a set time, and people who didn't show up when the dinner bell (or horn) was called, missed out on having anything to eat. So it is better to be called names than be called late for dinner and miss out on food.

 

Interesting! I didn't know that. I'd never want to miss out on the chow:tongue_smilie:

[Georgiana Daniels]

This thread has been enlightening to me. Both dh and I grew up in cultures where you call people "family names - like Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Son, Daughter" based on age, not necessarily because you are actually related to them. So if I was at the grocery store with my children and the shopkeeper wanted to get my attention, he would say, "Mama, would you like these nice avocados?" Or if my kids weren't there and the shopkeeper was a younger man, he would call me "Auntie" or if he was older, he would call me "Daughter". The depth of our personal relationship would have nothing to do with it!

 

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

 

Cultural expectations might have something to do with it!! That never occurred to me. With Native Americans cousins are often referred to as brother/sister, my aunts were always other mothers, and all my grandmother's sisters were grandmothers, etc. Also, in our family no one is referred to as a "step" anything, they are just family and no one thinks otherwise. Perhaps that also is the case with in-laws, they are just family now.

 

A-ha!!!

[Susan in TN]

Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels wierd calling in-laws Mom and Dad. They asked me to call them that, and I do, but it's very uncomfortable. I don't call them by their first names because it would offend them horribly. We're friendly, but not really close. I think I just don't get attached to people easily and they don't feel like very "safe" people to be close to, kwim? I must have issues :D.

[ktgrok]

Well, one of those popular sitcoms did a show that addressed this, but I don't remember which one (maybe Everybody Loves Raymond?). It was hilarious b/c I could identify completely.

 

I don't call them anything. Yup, really. I could never call them mom or dad, and I've never felt enough friendship to call them by their first names, and it felt like i was taking liberties, especially since they never told me what to call them. So for years I've avoided the issue. You really have to be creative, but it can be done! Now I often call them grandma or grandpa if the kids are around.

 

It is ridiculous that after 18 years I still don't know what to call them, but that's the way it is. Though there are times (like MIL's summer power trip) when I have the perfect names for them.:tongue_smilie:

 

I plan to have a conversation with my future DI & SIL to agree on what they should call Dh and me.

 

 

LOL, I did the same thing with my ex inlaws! First names seemed to informal (I was very young and it just seemed disrespectful), and mom and dad didn't seem right at all. I just never called them anything. Then, when I had my son I was able to call them Granny and Papa, thankfully.

[DawnM]

Depends on who I am talking to :lol: Directly to them, first names. Talking about them.....well, it is all fair game! ;)

[JadeOrchidSong]

This thread has been enlightening to me. Both dh and I grew up in cultures where you call people "family names - like Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Son, Daughter" based on age, not necessarily because you are actually related to them. So if I was at the grocery store with my children and the shopkeeper wanted to get my attention, he would say, "Mama, would you like these nice avocados?" Or if my kids weren't there and the shopkeeper was a younger man, he would call me "Auntie" or if he was older, he would call me "Daughter". The depth of our personal relationship would have nothing to do with it!

 

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

I could have written your post word for word! Because of what you said is so true to my culture, I can't imagine in a million years to call my parents in law anything but mom and dad.

Even here in the U.S., I would refer to a child in the playground as a younger brother or older sister to my boys depending on the child's age. I always call my older brothers "older brother" to show respect, never by their first names.

I think this is all a culture difference. There is nothing wrong with one or the other.

[Puma Mom]

I call them by their first names. But I also call my stepdad (in my life since I was 10yo) by his first name, so it seemed like the most normal thing to do.

[somo_chickenlady]

It depends. I do call them ma and pa, but other times I call them by their first names. My husband does the same thing b/c he was adopted as a teenager. They are technically his biological uncle and aunt through marriage. They are the same way with me...sometimes they (mostly my MIL) call me daughter, other times my first name. I am closer to them than my own parents.

[Giraffe]

This thread has been enlightening to me. Both dh and I grew up in cultures where you call people "family names - like Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Son, Daughter" based on age, not necessarily because you are actually related to them. So if I was at the grocery store with my children and the shopkeeper wanted to get my attention, he would say, "Mama, would you like these nice avocados?" Or if my kids weren't there and the shopkeeper was a younger man, he would call me "Auntie" or if he was older, he would call me "Daughter". The depth of our personal relationship would have nothing to do with it!

 

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

 

I could have written your post word for word! Because of what you said is so true to my culture, I can't imagine in a million years to call my parents in law anything but mom and dad.

Even here in the U.S., I would refer to a child in the playground as a younger brother or older sister to my boys depending on the child's age. I always call my older brothers "older brother" to show respect, never by their first names.

I think this is all a culture difference. There is nothing wrong with one or the other.

 

Another one for the cultural explanation. I grew up in the US and currently live in Turkey, where everyone is "Auntie/Uncle" or "Big Sister/Brother", or "Son/Daughter", just like Jean in Newcastle's description. I call my MIL and FIL by their first names, which confuses everyone except my MIL and FIL, who understand. I do put an honorific with my FIL's name because that's the thing to do and we're more formal with him than MIL, who lives in the US (and my relationship with her is much more casual/comfortable).

[Mama2Many4]

:grouphug: I'm sorry.

 

We married relatively young--21. I have always called my in-laws by their first names and my husband does the same with my parents. My brother in law, who was I think 35 when he and my sister married, calls my parents mom and dad. It's not a closeness issue here. I imagine it's just what you're used to that feels right.

 

:001_smile: Thanks.

[MaryE]

Another vote for "by their first names." I'm glad to see I'm in such good company:). I also fall into the camp of feeling awkward and not knowing what to call them when face to face, though that rarely happens since we live on opposite ends of the country. I've considered asking my MIL what she would like me to call her, but that seems kind of weird after 15 years of being married to her son.

[Mandy in TN]

This thread has been enlightening to me. Both dh and I grew up in cultures where you call people "family names - like Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle, Son, Daughter" based on age, not necessarily because you are actually related to them. So if I was at the grocery store with my children and the shopkeeper wanted to get my attention, he would say, "Mama, would you like these nice avocados?" Or if my kids weren't there and the shopkeeper was a younger man, he would call me "Auntie" or if he was older, he would call me "Daughter". The depth of our personal relationship would have nothing to do with it!

 

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

I work with the little kids at the Kumon center. Most of them are Indian and I get a kick out of it when they call me Kumon Auntie. :)

 

Mandy

[Rosie_0801]

So how does the cultural "everyone is auntie or uncle" work with parents in law when they don't like you and wish you were someone else? Same words but different tone?

 

Rosie

[cjzimmer1]

I don't call them anything. Yup, really. I could never call them mom or dad, and I've never felt enough friendship to call them by their first names, and it felt like i was taking liberties, especially since they never told me what to call them. So for years I've avoided the issue. You really have to be creative, but it can be done! Now I often call them grandma or grandpa if the kids are around.

.

:iagree:This is me exactly (except I only have a MIL, FIL was deceased before we married).

[Impish]

So how does the cultural "everyone is auntie or uncle" work with parents in law when they don't like you and wish you were someone else? Same words but different tone?

 

Rosie

Hey, I can make 'Love God' sound like the vilest insult, so 'auntie' or 'uncle' wouldn't be a challenge.

 

If that were my culture ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hey, I can make 'Love God' sound like the vilest insult, so 'auntie' or 'uncle' wouldn't be a challenge.

 

If that were my culture ;)

 

Not if that were your culture. If that were your culture, you would use the terms without emotion. They would be designations of age, sex and position only, not of family feeling or closeness. You might show your disdain in some other way, but it wouldn't occur to you to attach any meaning to the terms of address.

[Chris in VA]

I couldn't call my mil "mom," and her first name (Joy) seemed...well, IDK, but I couldn't call her that, either. So, I call her "Mom-Joy." :D

 

It's funny, because my kids call her Granma Mom-Joy, instead of Granma Joy or by her last name (which is what they call my mom).

 

My fil was just by his first name.

[Impish]

Not if that were your culture. If that were your culture, you would use the terms without emotion. They would be designations of age, sex and position only, not of family feeling or closeness. You might show your disdain in some other way, but it wouldn't occur to you to attach any meaning to the terms of address.

I'm just saying that I have the ability to make *anything* sound insulting. Sometimes unintentionally.

 

It's a gift :tongue_smilie:

[Rosie_0801]

Not if that were your culture. If that were your culture, you would use the terms without emotion. They would be designations of age, sex and position only, not of family feeling or closeness. You might show your disdain in some other way, but it wouldn't occur to you to attach any meaning to the terms of address.

 

Interesting. There's a kinship term I use that's virtually devoid of emotion, but that's taken decades. I don't think I could imagine it not having had emotional connotations to begin with.

 

Thanks for that, Jean.

 

:)

Rosie

[stripe]

So - in the family, of course those terms are used too but even then it is fluid. All the great aunts are called Grandma because they are Grandma's age. All the women, even if they are actually cousins are called Auntie after a certain age. So when I call my MIL "Mom", my actual relationship to her never even crossed my mind. And calling them by their first names never crossed my mind because you don't tend to call anyone by their first names unless talking about them.

 

My husband's culture is like this, too. My MIL's siblings expect to be called grandma/grandpa. No one in my husband's family, except my FIL, calls me by my first name. Even my husband doesn't! :001_huh:

 

I once asked someone about the term "belle-mere" in French, and if it implies one really loves her. Apparently not.

[LucyStoner]

MIL and her husband (not my husband's dad)? First names. They are both lovely people but I can't call my MIL mom without feeling just plain bizarre.

 

My now deceased rat b@stard FIL? I dunno. Really we just called him as little as possible. I wasn't going to say Dad or Dr. Lastname but I wager he would have been offended with Bob. I never said his name really in front of him. Even now I tend to say "your dad" rather than use a name and the man is dead now some 5 years. He was not a nice fellow.

[kolamum]

Mum & Dad until our children were born. Now it's Nana & Grandpa. :) Which works well because the other grandparents are Gram & Poppy. It's all good. BUT, I will say that I once was uncertain what I would/should call them & apparently signed & sealed a card to them BEFORE addressing it so the card said:

 

Dear ,

 

 

:lol:

[Belacqua]

I work with the little kids at the Kumon center. Most of them are Indian and I get a kick out of it when they call me Kumon Auntie. :)

 

Mandy

 

There are just not enough words for how adorable that is. :)

 

I'm reminded of a book I once read (can't for the life of me remember what it was) with a scene involving a little Indian girl's mom accidentally blocking an intersection. The girl had to go to the last car in line behind them. "Uncle, could you please move back a little?" Then the next car. "Auntie, could you please move back?" All the way until her mom could back out of the intersection. I've always loved that.