TXBeth Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Just got an "emergency" call from a friend. Her brother is getting married Saturday, and his fiance just started her period. She remember that I took cohosh and red raspberry leaf tea to "encourage" mine to start about a week before my wedding, and she wanted my advice. I have no idea what to tell her, other than maybe raspberry leaf tea to stimulate contractions and empty things out faster than usual? Is there any way to try to shorten the length of a period that has already started? This girl is totally freaked out and humiliated at the thought of being on her period on her wedding night. Any suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I can understand why she might find it inconvenient, but I think her reaction of being totally freaked out and humiliated is more than a little extreme. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Shepherd's purse stops heavy bleeding from various body parts. She'll have to look up dosage. It can be used for "flooding" -- that is, when women in peri-menopause have whacked out cycles -- I have no clue about it plain ol' stopping menstrual bleeding due to convenience. I've used a tincture of Shepherd's purse, and it definitely worked for me to get things under control, so to speak. Overall, you could google something along the lines of "herbal remedies for heavy menstrual bleeding" and get some other ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No, no, no. Please don't advise this woman to begin experimenting with herbal remedies in the stressful days leading up to her wedding. This is all a bad idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I don't know if it might be too late for this, but I've found that if I start taking Aleve the minute my period starts, it reduces the length of it dramatically. That's all I've got. Sorry. I can understand her being upset. I would be too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsingscrapper Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I agree with Tibbie. Besides she'll be lucky to have the energy and or patience to consummate things that day, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No, no, no. Please don't advise this woman to begin experimenting with herbal remedies in the stressful days leading up to her wedding. This is all a bad idea. :iagree: I can understand why she might find it inconvenient, but I think her reaction of being totally freaked out and humiliated is more than a little extreme. :iagree: I wouldn't love it either, but humiliated? It's a natural bodily function. I would reassure her that it's totally fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I can understand why she might find it inconvenient, but I think her reaction of being totally freaked out and humiliated is more than a little extreme. No, no, no. Please don't advise this woman to begin experimenting with herbal remedies in the stressful days leading up to her wedding. This is all a bad idea. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I've had friends get the flu on their wedding night, have food poisoning, their period. . . It won't ruin the marriage if they wait a day or two to actually consummate the marriage. I'm an herbal remedy person - for actual physical problems. I don't mess with a body that is working correctly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted August 16, 2012 Author Share Posted August 16, 2012 I can understand why she might find it inconvenient, but I think her reaction of being totally freaked out and humiliated is more than a little extreme. I happen to agree :), but it was a direct quote from my friend about how the girl is feeling. She is more than a little sheltered and not very aware of or comfortable with her own bodily functions, much less sharing them with a husband. I did advise them to try to just not worry about it, and that I didn't really think there was much they could do to stop it, but she was acting pretty desperate. I will advise to stick with Aleve for cramping and just try to relax. Thanks, ladies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carpe Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 how long are things ususally? Are we talking about cutting off a day or 3? If it's just a day there is some evidence that women who use tampons have longer cycles, so switching to pads for the days before the wedding will speed things up. Also there is a disposable menstrual cup that can be left in during sex. A cervical cap or diaphragm can catch also blood so he won't notice. Are they of a religion that does not allow sexual contact during menstruation? In that case she obviously just needs to fess up and wait a while to consummate the marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMDRAD Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Well, since she is worried about being humiliated, I'm not sure if this is a good suggestion or not. But she can use a soft cup menstrual cup and still get the deed done. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I happen to agree :), but it was a direct quote from my friend about how the girl is feeling. She is more than a little sheltered and not very aware of or comfortable with her own bodily functions, much less sharing them with a husband. I did advise them to try to just not worry about it, and that I didn't really think there was much they could do to stop it, but she was acting pretty desperate. I will advise to stick with Aleve for cramping and just try to relax. Thanks, ladies! Sorry, I posted the above in a hurry and didn't have time to elaborate. Based on what was said about her being totally freaked out and humiliated, I assumed she wasn't very aware about her own biology and didn't really have the education or maturity to knowledgeably tackle herbal home remedies while under pressure. A mature woman, virginal or not, would be able to say to her husband why she was or wasn't up for tea on her wedding night and it would be OK (if he was also a grownup). That doesn't mean she isn't mature enough to get married; I'm not trying to curse the marriage or anything. It's just a really bad precedent for approaching women's health issues. If she's not broke, don't fix it, especially when your primary reason is to not be ashamed of your functioning female body in front of a man who wants that body for other purposes. If she's anemic or has abnormal periods (and doesn't even know they're abnormal) various remedies to increase bleeding could be very dangerous. Lots of herbal remedies are contra-indicated in the presence of other health issues, and we don't know what health issues she has. Where are the mothers??? She should have been told all of this already. (OP, this is certainly not a rant toward you. I'm kind of on a 'where are the mothers' tear lately and this is just one more incident, so I'm saying what I think in case it helps anyone. Made me feel better, anyway. LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 By Saturday things will probably be pretty light anyway right? I think most people have this fantasy of how a wedding night should be but in reality most people just go to bed :D and pass out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I happen to agree :), but it was a direct quote from my friend about how the girl is feeling. She is more than a little sheltered and not very aware of or comfortable with her own bodily functions, much less sharing them with a husband. I did advise them to try to just not worry about it, and that I didn't really think there was much they could do to stop it, but she was acting pretty desperate. I will advise to stick with Aleve for cramping and just try to relax. Thanks, ladies! If she's pretty innocent, and is also a nervous wreck about the wedding, I guess I can see how she might over-react to something like this. It's just one more stress she didn't need right now. I honestly don't think it's a great idea to start messing around with her period when there's nothing physically wrong with her, but has she called her doctor about it, to see if there's anything that can be done on a one-time basis? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 We didn't do the deed on our wedding night. :D Exhausted and I had a migraine. (Not tonight dear, I have a headache! :lol: ) Anyway, yes, there is soft cup that catches the flow during intimacy. Dh and I planned a romantic getaway for an anniversary, (our first ever getaway) and as luck would have it, AF showed up the day before. I bought a pack of Instead cups and no muss, no fuss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that if this girl is embarrassed at the thought of having her period on her wedding night, she might also be :ack2::ack2::ack2: over the idea of inserting the Instead cups. :tongue_smilie: And I don't even want to think about what will happen when she forgets how to remove it................ If she's comfortable enough with her body to use tampons, she would probably be fine with the Instead cups, but otherwise, the cups might lead to a lot more embarrassment for her when she's locked in the bathroom wondering how to get it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I think it's a bad idea to try some sort of herbal remedy she's never tried before! She really risks having some weird reaction, and ruining her entire wedding. And frankly, she's going to have to learn to be a little more open with him about this stuff in the future...so, she may as well get used to it now :lol:!!! I guess that would be my advice to her, whether she wants to hear it or not. I get it though. I was young, naive and innocent once too :D! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted August 16, 2012 Author Share Posted August 16, 2012 Sorry, I posted the above in a hurry and didn't have time to elaborate. Based on what was said about her being totally freaked out and humiliated, I assumed she wasn't very aware about her own biology and didn't really have the education or maturity to knowledgeably tackle herbal home remedies while under pressure. A mature woman, virginal or not, would be able to say to her husband why she was or wasn't up for tea on her wedding night and it would be OK (if he was also a grownup). That doesn't mean she isn't mature enough to get married; I'm not trying to curse the marriage or anything. It's just a really bad precedent for approaching women's health issues. If she's not broke, don't fix it, especially when your primary reason is to not be ashamed of your functioning female body in front of a man who wants that body for other purposes. If she's anemic or has abnormal periods (and doesn't even know they're abnormal) various remedies to increase bleeding could be very dangerous. Lots of herbal remedies are contra-indicated in the presence of other health issues, and we don't know what health issues she has. Where are the mothers??? She should have been told all of this already. (OP, this is certainly not a rant toward you. I'm kind of on a 'where are the mothers' tear lately and this is just one more incident, so I'm saying what I think in case it helps anyone. Made me feel better, anyway. LOL) LOL thanks, I didn't take anything negative from your post, and I appreciate your advice! She is early 20s, but yes, her mom has not done a wonderful job of educating her on these things. My friend's mom is going to try to step in and help at this point. If she's pretty innocent, and is also a nervous wreck about the wedding, I guess I can see how she might over-react to something like this. It's just one more stress she didn't need right now. I honestly don't think it's a great idea to start messing around with her period when there's nothing physically wrong with her, but has she called her doctor about it, to see if there's anything that can be done on a one-time basis? Thanks, I think you're right. They are going to try to get her in to see a gyno today, but I don't think she has one, so it probably won't be able to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 So- she'll have today, Friday, and all day Saturday - she should be getting pretty light by that night. I feel for her - but honesty today with her fiance is the best approach. Give him warning, let him get used to the idea. Also - there is absolutely no reason to abstain from tea while menstruating. I get the embarrassment, but, she may be surprised that he doesn't really care. Also - if she has never brewed tea before - well- there could be issues that would look a bit similar anyway. I say today and tomorrow she should make parsley tea. Get a whole bunch of fresh parsley, boil some water, soak the parsley in it for a while - until the water is cool enough to drink - and then gulp it down. No side effects - but I've used it to start a day early before - and shifted my whole cycle by a week by moving it one day at a time - so I'm sure it would also hasten things after it's started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Thanks, I think you're right. They are going to try to get her in to see a gyno today, but I don't think she has one, so it probably won't be able to happen. Our family doctor has female nurse practitioners on staff and they are willing to do routine GYN work. So if a GYN does not work out, try a family doctor. Poor girl. I feel for her. I was too humiliated to ask my mom such things as a teen, and she was too embarrassed to bring it up. It's an awful feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Tell her to use a cotton plug, and take it out right before the shower. They can do it there. By then, it will be light enough that he will never even know. *Where is the bag over head smiley I cannot believe I just posted that.* But I agree about the messing with nature. Not right before a wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 So- she'll have today, Friday, and all day Saturday - she should be getting pretty light by that night. I feel for her - but honesty today with her fiance is the best approach. Give him warning, let him get used to the idea. Also - there is absolutely no reason to abstain from tea while menstruating. I get the embarrassment, but, she may be surprised that he doesn't really care. she may want to pack a dark colored towel for the honeymoon. It may make her feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EducationX2 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Oh that poor girl. :grouphug: If they are determined to do the deed that night and she is absolutely grossed out at the idea of the uhm... you know, stuff, being spread all over, someone could casually mention to her that the shower is good for rinsing it away before anyone sees it. (:lol: Yes, while doing the deed. Although for a first time.... :001_huh:) They could also lay towels out, leave the lights off, get it done, then get in a candlelight shower together to clean off. All without turning the lights on- which could be quite shocking- like a crime scene. :lol: The towels are easy to roll up and tuck away to clean later. But someone should definitely mention to her that even if she *thinks* she's done, or very, very light- that s*x has a way of bringing the flow back, sometimes heavily!! ...... and none of this was written from experience. Just, uhm, a guess. :D :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Poor girl. I have no advice because I have never had anything remotely normal about my cycle. In fact just reading this thread has been painful. :lol: I have had severe pain due to endometriosis since I was 16. Just the idea of mixing teA under those circumstances makes me shudder. ouch.ouch.ouch But I hear normal people are able to enjoy teA even in the midst of their cycle. :D I just can't fathom that given where I'm coming from...kwim? Anyway... What if she started bc pills today? Was she going to use them anyway? If so, they can alter her course this way...I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Poor girl! :grouphug::grouphug: If you are sheltered, a virgin, and a rather private person, that could make for one excruciating experience. I have a family member like this, and even though she is a very mature and smart, this would have killed her. She is just super, super private and would have needed a LOT more time to share that type of body function detail with her new husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 But I hear normal people are able to enjoy teA even in the midst of their cycle. :D . I know that people do this and my DH certainly wouldn't mind, but there is no way I'm giving up my week-long reprieve each month. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I know that people do this and my DH certainly wouldn't mind, but there is no way I'm giving up my week-long reprieve each month. ;) I have no idea why my previous post posted with the thumbs-down icon. Stupid iPad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I started the day before my wedding and my dh was more than willing to wait. We enjoyed doing different thing other than actually consummating the marriage for the first week. There's more than one way to skin a cat, as my grandmother would say. :D On other words, there's more than one flavor of TeA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 No, no, no. Please don't advise this woman to begin experimenting with herbal remedies in the stressful days leading up to her wedding. This is all a bad idea. :iagree: Move on to the next post if you are flustered by someone being frank: Some men prefer it. They say the vag*na feels "warmer". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Also, if her soon to be new husband is as inexperienced as she is, she might want to know that it might not happen on the first try anyway. I recall my partner being a little too excited and arriving a little early to the party. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I think it's a bad idea to try some sort of herbal remedy she's never tried before! She really risks having some weird reaction, and ruining her entire wedding. Yeah, just her luck, she'll wind up with some sort of hideous rash over her entire body or something. :eek: In this time-sensitive situation, I wouldn't take a chance on any kind of "remedy," either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I can understand why she might find it inconvenient, but I think her reaction of being totally freaked out and humiliated is more than a little extreme. Unless her wedding night is her first night. I mean, it was mine. I'd waited my whole live to spend that night with my new husband. I totally get being freaked out. I would have been devastated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Also, if her soon to be new husband is as inexperienced as she is, she might want to know that it might not happen on the first try anyway. I recall my partner being a little too excited and arriving a little early to the party. :tongue_smilie: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb44 Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this post, because I just feel so awful for this girl. I was not uninformed, or shy, and frankly too tired from partying to have sex that night, anyway. I hope she gets through everything ok, and leans toward being more open with her husband. It's got to be hard to be partners in life and be shy about anything, including body/fluids! I hope she doesn't start messing with any meds/methods she had never tried before and just starts talking to her DH. Please update us if you find out anything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Between this and the raiding house thread, this has been a very interesting day. I've learned a lot at the hive. While the wedding eve stuff wouldn't have freaked me out, I would have been horrified thinking about wearing white all day while having my period. I had very heavy periods during that time of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Unless her wedding night is her first night. I mean, it was mine. I'd waited my whole live to spend that night with my new husband. I totally get being freaked out. I would have been devastated. This is why some young women go on The Pill a couple of months before the wedding .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted August 16, 2012 Author Share Posted August 16, 2012 Thank you so much, everyone! I'll definitely update if I hear anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 This girl is totally freaked out and humiliated at the thought of being on her period on her wedding night. Any suggestions? Well this dear bride-to-be will be even MORE totally freaked out if she were to ever begin to classically homeschool her children in a few years . . . and learn that we discussed her "situation" in a semi-public forum. :-) I had not heard of the Instead cup, and appreciate the Hive info! Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I've heard cayenne pepper can slow bleeding. Some midwives even prescribe it. Float a tsp on top of a glass of water and chug. Quickly! There wouldn't be the side worry of herbal things her body wasn't used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 There is nothing harmful about having intimate relations during that time. They can put their minds together to figure out the very simple solutions to minimizing messiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 This is why some young women go on The Pill a couple of months before the wedding .... that is what I did. I had a very helpful Dr. who even told me to skip the week off and start right on the next cycle to skip period on honeymoon. Unfortunately this resulted in break through bleeding. .. and I discovered that DH really didn't mind at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 one thing that can slow it down dramatically is very sudden weight loss. I am talking around 5 kg in a few days. So if she stops eating completely and does vigorous exercise.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 one thing that can slow it down dramatically is very sudden weight loss. I am talking around 5 kg in a few days. So if she stops eating completely and does vigorous exercise.... ...she might just pass out at the altar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 ...she might just pass out at the altar. That's what I was thinking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I know that people do this and my DH certainly wouldn't mind, but there is no way I'm giving up my week-long reprieve each month. ;) :iagree: :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 For what it is worth, I would be mortified too. I have been married 7 years have three kids and the thought of coming out and telling my husband that it is that time of the month makes me blush. I'm sure I sound like a freak, but I am just very private about intimate issues. :blushing: I do agree that giving him a bit of a heads up is probably the kindest thing to do, poor girl. Meredith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I happen to agree :), but it was a direct quote from my friend about how the girl is feeling. She is more than a little sheltered and not very aware of or comfortable with her own bodily functions, much less sharing them with a husband. I did advise them to try to just not worry about it, and that I didn't really think there was much they could do to stop it, but she was acting pretty desperate. I will advise to stick with Aleve for cramping and just try to relax. Thanks, ladies! Well, this is what marriage is about. And she's getting married. So they're going to have to tackle this together, and either be patient, or not care. I'm with Tibbie--Where are the mothers!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Mentally speed it up :) It might be a little late but the power of mind is an amazing thing. When I needed my cycle to come 2 days earlier than usual, I just mentally planned it for the three weeks prior and sure enough...it worked. Think about speeding up the bleeding and ending early and it might just work. Studies have shown you can shift your cycle a day or 2 a month that way. Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 For what it is worth' date=' I would be mortified too. I have been married 7 years have three kids and the thought of coming out and telling my husband that it is that time of the month makes me blush. I'm sure I sound like a freak, but I am just very private about intimate issues. :blushing: I do agree that giving him a bit of a heads up is probably the kindest thing to do, poor girl. Meredith[/quote'] I'm like this. I'm sure DH can figure out what's going on, but I hate, hate, hate saying the words, "I have my period," to anyone. I just let DH work it out on his own. I'm glad that at least one other person feels that way. I thought I was the only one. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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