bettyandbob Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Sat night we were visiting friends. We live in the DC metro area. This couple lives in one of the more exclusive neighborhoods in the area. Among my neighbors I count teachers, social workers, gov't scientists, a community college grounds keeper, a few lawyers etc. Wife of friend noted Big Name DC developer lives across the street from her. It wasn't in a bragging manner. I just mention this to point out the housing price differences and income levels of our neighborhoods. So, when I was talking about the costs of dance and comparing it to club soccer, swimming or TKD, she said she would never pay that much for a child's activity. None of her dc did these activities. One was in drama through ps and the other 2 did band through ps. There other activity was scouts. She said she and her dh never had that kind of money. I just thought "No, you really did, you chose to tie your money in a house in this neighborhood." She used to live in a further out in a more modest neighborhood and decided to "move up." They never lived in a town home like me. My sister always insists she doesn't have money either. She has never own a care more than 5 years. She doesn't purchase economy cars, but she's not getting luxury vehicles either. However, I think only owning a car for the first five years means you miss several years of "cheap" (no payment) car ownership. My financial situation isn't great, but that's a result of choices too. We probably wouldn't have made the choices we had if we knew what the results would be, but there's risk in choice. I guess I wonder why people don't "own" their choices better. Rather than a judgemental "I never would spend..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think it's an attempt to justify their choices to themselves, rather than feel guilty about it. There are things that others do that I think, "Nope. Never happen." I remember watching Winter Olympics w/Wolf, and there was an athlete being interviewed, who talked about how the community bought her sibs winter coats and boots b/c her parent's $ went to her figure skating (pretty sure that was the sport). Wolf and I looked at each other and instantly agreed, no way in Hades would we make such a choice, that one kid doesn't get the lion's share of the budget, esp to the degree that needs are being unmet. Different choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I'm with you. We don't have new furniture, drive old cars (over 10yo, never bought new), don't have fancy clothes, etc., but we do own a home somewhere else (live in a rectory) and have put ds thru college. We all make choices. I think people who "don't have $" but have obviously spent some on something, just need to qualify their statements by saying "we don't choose to spend our $ on THAT." No judgement on others' choices, just an acknowledgement that we made different ones, y'know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingMOm Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I dunno, maybe she said that because she really never would spend her money on that kind of thing. Some people are just "house" people and there's really nothing wrong with that. Everyone chooses to spend their money differently- some people spend it on their homes, some people spend it on their kids, some people spend it on vacations or shopping, etc. I don't see one choice as necessarily better than the other- you choose to spend your money on enrichment for your kids and I'm sure she feels like she is providing a better environment for her kids. :tongue_smilie: (although I'm sure where you live is very nice!) I can understand why her comment bugged you- maybe it felt like a not-so-subtle put down towards you. Really, it's rude to comment on how another family spends their money unless they've specifically asked for input, which you obviously had not. I'm sorry she was rude about it but I'd let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) A lot of people say "I can't afford" when what they actually mean is "I choose to spend on something else instead." Few people understand economic concepts these days, so opportunity cost is lot on them. :001_smile: Edited July 30, 2012 by angela in ohio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Yes, we all make choices as to where to spend our money. Since I can only live my life I make the choices that are important to me. I can't live anyone else's life or make choices for them. I have not walked a mile in their shoes therefore I really have no idea what their financial situation is or what they value as important. I find my life is much more peaceful since I gave up trying to figure out what is up with most people ad focused on myself. I am probably a bit hormonal today so please take what I said with a grain of salt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 A lot of schools have excellent clubs and activities. If she lives in a very good neighborhood, chances are her children's school is very good. She may be justified in feeling that the kids are being served well by the public school system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Yes, we all make choices as to where to spend our money. Since I can only live my life I make the choices that are important to me. I can't live anyone else's life or make choices for them. I have not walked a mile in their shoes therefore I really have no idea what their financial situation is or what they value as important. I find my life is much more peaceful since I gave up trying to figure out what is up with most people ad focused on myself. I am probably a bit hormonal today so please take what I said with a grain of salt. :iagree: We all make individual choices, but I find it comes out differently when people feel they have to defend their choice - even if they don't need to. That's when you smile, look at your own road, and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I hear you, Betty. I had someone who regularly sleeps in until 10 or 11 am bemoan her lack of time by herself when I said something about waking up early to be by myself. Um, yes, you did have time by yourself. You slept! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllBoys Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think a lot of people think of their house as an investment, and a house in a nice neighborhood is maybe more likely to hold its value or increase in value. And I agree with Rebecca VA about the schools in a good neighborhood. Sounds like they believe they are spending their money on their children, indirectly through their house and neighborhood, while investing for their future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 A lot of schools have excellent clubs and activities. If she lives in a very good neighborhood, chances are her children's school is very good. She may be justified in feeling that the kids are being served well by the public school system. Most good school districts offer a good selection of decent extra curriculars, so that schools in modest neighborhoods still have good (sometimes better) music or other extracurriculars than those at the most affluent schools. At least that's what I've noticed in the DC suburbs. An ultra expensive neighborhood does not equate to significantly more stuff in school than regular neighborhood in the same district. Our districts are so huge (10 -20 high schools with 1000-2000 students) that there are a couple of questionable school, but mostly the schools are the same as to what academics and extracurriculars the kids can access. my modest-by-this-area's neighborhood is still in a very highly regarded school system. She lives across the river from me. Her previous home was in the same school system she is now served by a decent high school where most kids go to college. Her oldest child ended up commuting back to old neighborhood to graduate from that high school and participated in programs there. Her other children suffered one of the most negative effects of attending school with an unimaginatively affluent population--both dc have serious drug problems. That is something we don't talk about much and I've never said "even though XYZ high school has so many Ivy League acceptances I've always thought it was a drug pit" we just don't talk about that. I suppose she thought move to ultra expensive neighborhood will be good because kids will be around the "right people". I think she's paying a huge price and hasn't been able to say that out loud. That's OK, honestly if I were in her position I wouldn't be able to talk about it for years and years. I just don't like someone making it sound like I'm wasteful choosing an activity for dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) when mamas start talking about how expensive their kids' activities are or the relative cost of tennis vs lacrosse or even how much property taxes have gone up. My mom always said that talking about money is tacky. Even if it isn't, it always seems to cause some tension. To me saying, "I would never buy X" IS owning her own choices and isn't necessarily judgmental. She knows what she is and isn't willing to do. But I am not surprised it bothered you, and I think the whole toic of what things cost is better left for anonymous message boards! Edited July 30, 2012 by Danestress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I do think that most people have to make choices with their money. And it does come down to what you value more in life. DH and I live in a house, it's a modest small house, but it's in the city. And I know people who choose to live in the middle of nowhere and have a nicer house with land. I also have friends who live in a cheap apartment, but they like to go to the movies all the time and stuff like that. I think movies are a complete waste of money, but they ENJOY it. I ENJOY my house. I ENJOY being in the city. Others ENJOY owning land. We've all made different choices in life, they are all valid. When I've told people that I don't have money for this or that, I've had some people tell me it's my own fault for homeschooling and not working. Which I agree with, so maybe it would be more accurate if people said, "I don't WANT to pay for X Y or Z. I choose to live this lifestyle and go without certain things that I don't want that much." People who don't understand that they have to pick and choose what to put money into, annoy me too ;). You can't have it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 A lot of people say "I can't afford" when what they actually mean is "I choose to spend on something else instead." Few people understand economic concepts these days, so opportunity cost is lot on them. :001_smile: :iagree: I got this just the other day. How we were so lucky to have money or such. Well, said person drives cars that are about a decade newer, spends more blow money in a week then we do in 2 months, buys more toys, has cable etc. I don't care if they make those choices and are happy with it but don't grip at how lucky I am. We've chosen to allocate our money differently, if it doesn't make you happy then you need to change some choices, otherwise none of us can have everything we want and have to make our own priorities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 There was a time when I probably spoke that way about most of the things I now spend money on. It's really just a reflection of inexperience - and immaturity. I mean, maybe they strongly feel that way, but they don't need to say it. Family income (high or low) is not a competition. If you're sensitive to comments like that, maybe you have some not-so-peaceful thoughts too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I used to get a lot of "oh, it must be nice," which is basically the same thing. It used to bother me, but then one day I just answered, "yes, it IS nice." I mean, what do you want me to say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Sat night we were visiting friends. We live in the DC metro area. This couple lives in one of the more exclusive neighborhoods in the area. Among my neighbors I count teachers, social workers, gov't scientists, a community college grounds keeper, a few lawyers etc. Wife of friend noted Big Name DC developer lives across the street from her. It wasn't in a bragging manner. I just mention this to point out the housing price differences and income levels of our neighborhoods. So, when I was talking about the costs of dance and comparing it to club soccer, swimming or TKD, she said she would never pay that much for a child's activity. None of her dc did these activities. One was in drama through ps and the other 2 did band through ps. There other activity was scouts. She said she and her dh never had that kind of money. I just thought "No, you really did, you chose to tie your money in a house in this neighborhood." She used to live in a further out in a more modest neighborhood and decided to "move up." They never lived in a town home like me. My sister always insists she doesn't have money either. She has never own a care more than 5 years. She doesn't purchase economy cars, but she's not getting luxury vehicles either. However, I think only owning a car for the first five years means you miss several years of "cheap" (no payment) car ownership. My financial situation isn't great, but that's a result of choices too. We probably wouldn't have made the choices we had if we knew what the results would be, but there's risk in choice. I guess I wonder why people don't "own" their choices better. Rather than a judgemental "I never would spend..." I get what people are saying about the OP and her friend just having different priorities and the OP seems to get this, too. I think the frustration lies in the fact that the friend said they, "never had that kind of money." They obviously did. I agree that people just need to own their decisions. I'm trying to train myself to say that certain things aren't a priority or aren't a wise choice instead of telling my children we can't "afford" them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I have a friend who tells me her son (an only child) couldn't go to camp or participate in any activities because "they couldn't afford it". I know that their income is more than twice ours and we are a family of seven. They have no debt at all, but the parents frequently go out to dinner and concerts, buy new cars, and spend their money in other ways. Last week we were talking and I said that for me, allowing my children to try different things and finding a passion is important. Now that a few of my children are getting to adulthood I'm seeing the benefits of it in their lives. I understand that she made other choices and that's OK, but it is a choice and not an "I can't afford it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueinNC Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Sat night we were visiting friends. We live in the DC metro area. This couple lives in one of the more exclusive neighborhoods in the area. Among my neighbors I count teachers, social workers, gov't scientists, a community college grounds keeper, a few lawyers etc. Wife of friend noted Big Name DC developer lives across the street from her. It wasn't in a bragging manner. I just mention this to point out the housing price differences and income levels of our neighborhoods. So, when I was talking about the costs of dance and comparing it to club soccer, swimming or TKD, she said she would never pay that much for a child's activity. None of her dc did these activities. One was in drama through ps and the other 2 did band through ps. There other activity was scouts. She said she and her dh never had that kind of money. I just thought "No, you really did, you chose to tie your money in a house in this neighborhood." She used to live in a further out in a more modest neighborhood and decided to "move up." They never lived in a town home like me. My sister always insists she doesn't have money either. She has never own a care more than 5 years. She doesn't purchase economy cars, but she's not getting luxury vehicles either. However, I think only owning a car for the first five years means you miss several years of "cheap" (no payment) car ownership. My financial situation isn't great, but that's a result of choices too. We probably wouldn't have made the choices we had if we knew what the results would be, but there's risk in choice. I guess I wonder why people don't "own" their choices better. Rather than a judgemental "I never would spend..." I get what you are saying. I volunteer at a not for profit community theatre. We have wealthy families apply for scholarships (honor system) for their kids to take classes. They live in upscale neighborhoods, ornate furniture, drive the latest model cars, expensive clothing, smart phones for the whole family, kids bring in their ipads, yet they want their kids to take the scholarships spots away from the families who really can't afford to attend theatre classes. One actually told us they are going to Hawaii this summer(their 4th vacation this year) for 2 weeks and wanted the extra cash for spending money and they can't 'afford' theatre classes but their kids really want to be in the classes. Our director is such a softy and gives into these ppl. These same families refuse to pay our box office prices to see the shows (we are talking $2-10 depending on the show) but they will pay $16-$25 at the profit theatres to see their shows. Our shows are so much more professionally done too. Other well off families will drop off their kids saying they will bring a check tomorrow. They are so forgetful because tomorrow never comes. Our theatre is going under because we can't afford to keep our programs running anymore. And once they get the experience from us, they pay $$$ to continue at the profit theatres to further their kids acting careers. :glare: When their choices are at the expense of others in a thoughtless uncaring way, I agree that they should own up their choices better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think you're feeling defensive right now (and therefore judgmental yourself), and maybe she should have dialed it back a bit, but you did introduce the subject and she responded with her opinion. People do take responsibility for their choices. She obviously doesn't find these classes as important as you do. She did find her location to be important. There's nothing wrong with either decision. You just didn't like the way she expressed it...as if she was judging you for your choices. Sometimes "I can't afford it" is shorthand for "I would never do that/its unimportant to me." "I can't afford it" is less confrontational. It puts the difference of your opinion on some vague financial aspect instead of admitting that the two of you are at odds as to whats important for children. I must admit to playing the 'we can't afford it' card. I'm quite aware that we could make room for some of the expenses. We just don't care to do so. I just don't like being pushed into something someone else finds important. Like WOHM and SAHM, I think we can easily interpret each other to be antagonistic and then say something or make a judgement we really don't want to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Sometimes "I can't afford it" is shorthand for "I would never do that/its unimportant to me." "I can't afford it" is less confrontational. It puts the difference of your opinion on some vague financial aspect instead of admitting that the two of you are at odds as to whats important for children. I must admit to playing the 'we can't afford it' card. I'm quite aware that we could make room for some of the expenses. We just don't care to do so. I just don't like being pushed into something someone else finds important. Like WOHM and SAHM, I think we can easily interpret each other to be antagonistic and then say something or make a judgement we really don't want to make. Another way to look at it is, "I can't afford it" is an unfinished sentence. The complete sentence is "I can't afford it - because I spent all our discretionary cash on things I care more about." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I'm with you. We don't have new furniture, drive old cars (over 10yo, never bought new), don't have fancy clothes, etc., but we do own a home somewhere else (live in a rectory) and have put ds thru college. We all make choices. I think people who "don't have $" but have obviously spent some on something, just need to qualify their statements by saying "we don't choose to spend our $ on THAT." No judgement on others' choices, just an acknowledgement that we made different ones, y'know? Yes, I've often been stunned by some of the things folks I've know who "don't have $" have all of a sudden bought. They were often saving for a big purchase. Sometimes I've felt a bit resentful bc I've given them things that I could have used bc I thought they were hard pressed. But then I remembered that at times we've been saving for things(or when dh was unemployed and we considered our home equity untouchable even though it sat in a bank account.) My Mom always said the folks choose to spend their money in different ways. They don't have the $ for that bc they made a different choice. We "don't have the $" for a lot of activities around where we live but we do have $ to have savings for a rainy day and a very modest retirement account and to tithe and support missionaries. We have money for our top top priorities but not necessarily for the second level of priorities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think you're feeling defensive right now (and therefore judgmental yourself), and maybe she should have dialed it back a bit, but you did introduce the subject and she responded with her opinion. People do take responsibility for their choices. She obviously doesn't find these classes as important as you do. She did find her location to be important. There's nothing wrong with either decision. You just didn't like the way she expressed it...as if she was judging you for your choices. Sometimes "I can't afford it" is shorthand for "I would never do that/its unimportant to me." "I can't afford it" is less confrontational. It puts the difference of your opinion on some vague financial aspect instead of admitting that the two of you are at odds as to whats important for children. I must admit to playing the 'we can't afford it' card. I'm quite aware that we could make room for some of the expenses. We just don't care to do so. I just don't like being pushed into something someone else finds important. Like WOHM and SAHM, I think we can easily interpret each other to be antagonistic and then say something or make a judgement we really don't want to make. :iagree: Frequently people hand me the we can't afford it card. If it is given to me I use it. So much kinder then saying no interest. Recently my dc's and I listened to how wonderful camp was going to be. My dc's are part of the same group so could probably have gone. My dc's were acting really interested so as soon as we were alone I promised to send them next year. Talk about two horrified children. They ripped the week apart. Could not imagine going. I felt really good -- I do know their likes. With the money and time from that dh just planned a week in Germany. My kids can't wait. Frequently activities take time that my family is unwilling to spend. Our priorities are not everyone elses. We love to travel. We take fabulous walks in beautiful places. When the weather is good and dh is free we drop everything and go. This makes tons of lessons and commitments impractical for us. Few people understand this. I hate confronting them with my kids have no desire to.....if they say how expensive their wonderful activity is I agree. Whatever they assume from that is their business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I agree, and she may just not want to spend that MUCH money on activities, or on that MANY activities (not simply stay at home). However, I also think it's true that it wasn't necessary to say it that way. It's hard to know because we're not hearing the whole conversation, but maybe her response was more a retort to the listing of all of your children's activities and it was a defensive thing? I'm not saying this is true, just looking at it from all angles. Unless someone has *asked* me to give a list of accomplishments, activities, vacations, gifts, test scores, talents, etc. or unless it really fits in the context of the conversation, I see little reason to offer that much info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I used to get a lot of "oh, it must be nice," which is basically the same thing. It used to bother me, but then one day I just answered, "yes, it IS nice." I mean, what do you want me to say? I get this, it's very uncomfortable. I don't talk about money stuff ever, but I do here these type of comments. And one person likes to repeatedly tell me how lucky I am that I don't have to "work." :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 According to my MIL, my SIL is broke. If that's so, I can't figure out how it is she is still living in a million dollar home, driving a $80,000 Lexus, wearing giant diamonds and fancy clothes, and going out do dinner at fancy restaurants every other night. If I spent money the way she does, I'd be broke too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I dunno, maybe she said that because she really never would spend her money on that kind of thing. Some people are just "house" people and there's really nothing wrong with that. Everyone chooses to spend their money differently- some people spend it on their homes, some people spend it on their kids, some people spend it on vacations or shopping, etc. I don't see one choice as necessarily better than the other- you choose to spend your money on enrichment for your kids and I'm sure she feels like she is providing a better environment for her kids. :tongue_smilie: (although I'm sure where you live is very nice!) I can understand why her comment bugged you- maybe it felt like a not-so-subtle put down towards you. Really, it's rude to comment on how another family spends their money unless they've specifically asked for input, which you obviously had not. I'm sorry she was rude about it but I'd let it go. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Actually I didn't introduce the subject. She did, she was asking about dd and she brought this up. I don't usually talk about money because it's icky, when she asked about this stuff I kept talking b/c I had been researching the issue a lot this week (comparing studios, looking at other extracurriculars) so it's been on my mind. I think if she pointed out that mr. Big name developer is her neighbor and I don't criticize her choice of neighborhood , why should my choice of $$ spent on activities be shamed. I didn't turn around and say " I couldn't afford that kind of house" why would it be ok to say the same about ballet. ( even if we didn't spend 3k/year on dance, we wouldn't be in a position to "move up", but I like my neighbors so I wouldn't leave anyway) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 I agree with you. We live in a cheaper house in a cheaper neighborhood because we want to have extra money to spend on certain things. I don't know that everyone has the luxury of choice, but yes we do often make choices. :iagree: This is what I'm really feeling. Cheaper housing has meant more freedom in choices regarding school and activities. We prioritized things that way. I don't get "can't afford it" it seems more like "it is more important for u s to do different stuff" is more accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 :iagree: This is what I'm really feeling. Cheaper housing has meant more freedom in choices regarding school and activities. We prioritized things that way. I don't get "can't afford it" it seems more like "it is more important for u s to do different stuff" is more accurate. That's true, but then things can get heated. You would have people feeling offended because some may judge how they spend their money, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I hear you, Betty. I had someone who regularly sleeps in until 10 or 11 am bemoan her lack of time by herself when I said something about waking up early to be by myself. Um, yes, you did have time by yourself. You slept! I hear this kind of comment even more than the financial ones. IMO, most people are making judgements when making these types of comments, but I agree that it is sometimes out of guilt, sometimes out of pride (which leads to refusal to take ownership), or sometimes out of anger at someone else's decision (DH or a parent). Examples: When the person who watches hours of tv a day sees someone reading and exclaims, "I wish I had time to read!" or "Must be nice to have time to read!" When a compliment about your outfit turns into a criticism because the other person says, "I'm just not a shopper like you are." It is frustrating when people feel sorry for themselves, covet what others have achieved due to good decisions or due to blessings, yet choose to belittle those people because they believe they deserve to have more than the person they are criticizing. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I do say this. "I can't afford that." But our farm takes up a huge percentage of our income. We don't live in a big fancy house with fancy cars and lots of technological gadgets, but that is okay, we prefer to have a farm. Of course I could afford to have my kids in dance, karate and other lessons, but the reality is that the farm life works better for us. Really, my dh and I are such homebodies, that even if we didn't have our money committed to farm expenses, that we probably would not choose to participate in all that other stuff. I guess it would be ruder to say what I was really thinking "GAH! You would give up all your free time to sit at a BALL field in the heat sweating with a bunch of kids who'd rather be home????" And I am sure they are thinking the same thing when I talk about getting up early to milk my cow. "GAH! Why on earth would you do such a thing? Those things are smelly and expensive!" It's just easier to say "We can't afford it," than to insult my friends' personal preferences for how they decide to spend their free time and money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Many use the word "afford" when they really mean thoile:http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=thoile To be able to afford an object, but not able to justify the expense. (Yorkshire expression) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 another thing that sprang to mind as i read this thread is that often people make decisions in isolation or within their self-chosen framework rather than as a piece of a whole. so from the outside it looks as if she chose the neighborhood over money for activities, but she may never have looked at it that way. she may have looked at a house or a neighborhood and answered the question "what kind of house would i like?" rather than "if i pay that much mortgage, what does that mean for the other areas of my life". i find that happens quite frequently around cars and sometimes around houses, but it does happen with both. and then from within that framework, she may just have looked at discretionary income and thought they didn't have enough money to do it, rather than imagining cutting cable to pay for dance. the human brain is an amazing thing. ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.