"Greenback"(money only) Bridal Showers. Yea or Nay?

[dancer67]

My best friends are getting married in another month and a half. I am in the bridal party. (not the Maid of Honor). My best friends have been living together for 5 years.

 

When my DH and I got married in 1988, we also lived together for two years.

 

I know my best friends do not need anything for a household. Just like my DH and I didn't.

 

My grandmother decided to do a "greenback shower" for us. This way, we received money only, and not things we did not need. I don't know how the invitations were worded back then.

 

So my question is. Are Greenback Showers still given? If so, how would you word the shower invitation?(I tend to think that no matter how it is worded people might get offended by "telling" them what to bring as a gift) . If you have been to one recently were you offended by it?

 

Or, is this something that does not take place any longer?

 

We have to make a decision soon as the shower is July 22nd.

 

Thank you for any help/advice.

[Ellie]

I've never heard of such a thing. I would be shocked if I were invited to one. :blink:

 

I say give them a traditional shower, and let people decide what to give them. What they don't need they can return for cash, if that's what they need most.

Edited July 5, 2012 by Ellie

[bettyandbob]

blech.

 

I guess I'm old fashioned. Never heard of it.

[dancer67]

To those who never heard of "Greenback" showers

 

 

 

 

I am 61 and in my day, money showers known as "Greenback" showers were quite common and accepted for those couples who were combining households and did not really need appliances, linens and table wear. It is perfectly acceptable to hold a "Greenback" shower by placing an upsidedown umbrella at the event to collect cards, with or without money. The invitation can include a poem about combining households. Anyone offended should stop and think, this event if for the wedding couple and everyone should do their best to make the day wonderful for them, the center of attention and realize they have so much to do and do not need to have to go returning all kinds of goods they do not need to stores. After all they are providing two great parties for these guests, the shower and the wedding.

 

 

^^^^

 

I pulled this up on the web. Also, I should have probably mentioned they will not have a wedding reception. They are getting married in another state, and it will only be close friends and family. Total of maybe 15. We are going to dinner after the ceremony which will be held on the beach.

[kricau]

I have heard of "Diaper Parties" for moms who already have had other babies and don't really need any clothes / toys. You are just supposed to bring diapers. I have been invited to those and was not the least bit offended. But I have not heard of a shower where they asked specifically for money??? I would not be offended if I was casually told by someone that the couple didn't register just needed cash. But alot of people might be :( if it was made clear on the invite.

 

I am trying to think of a fun (non-offensive) way to have that kind of shower??? Will get back to you if I do.

[kricau]

:iagree:

 

To those who never heard of "Greenback" showers

 

 

 

 

I am 61 and in my day, money showers known as "Greenback" showers were quite common and accepted for those couples who were combining households and did not really need appliances, linens and table wear. It is perfectly acceptable to hold a "Greenback" shower by placing an upsidedown umbrella at the event to collect cards, with or without money. The invitation can include a poem about combining households. Anyone offended should stop and think, this event if for the wedding couple and everyone should do their best to make the day wonderful for them, the center of attention and realize they have so much to do and do not need to have to go returning all kinds of goods they do not need to stores. After all they are providing two great parties for these guests, the shower and the wedding.

 

 

^^^^

 

I pulled this up on the web. Also, I should have probably mentioned they will not have a wedding reception. They are getting married in another state, and it will only be close friends and family. Total of maybe 15. We are going to dinner after the ceremony which will be held on the beach.

[Embassy]

One of the wedding showers I had was money only. I was moving thousands of miles away and couldn't take any more stuff (moving from a island in Alaska). The people who gave the shower asked me if they could do a money tree. They had a little tree thingy where people clipped on money. I have no idea how they worded it, but I think everyone knew that I wasn't able to take anything else with me.

[Ellie]

To those who never heard of "Greenback" showers

 

I am 61 and in my day, money showers known as "Greenback" showers were quite common and accepted for those couples who were combining households and did not really need appliances, linens and table wear. It is perfectly acceptable to hold a "Greenback" shower by placing an upsidedown umbrella at the event to collect cards, with or without money. The invitation can include a poem about combining households. Anyone offended should stop and think, this event if for the wedding couple and everyone should do their best to make the day wonderful for them, the center of attention and realize they have so much to do and do not need to have to go returning all kinds of goods they do not need to stores. After all they are providing two great parties for these guests, the shower and the wedding.

 

 

^^^^

 

I pulled this up on the web. Also, I should have probably mentioned they will not have a wedding reception. They are getting married in another state, and it will only be close friends and family. Total of maybe 15. We are going to dinner after the ceremony which will be held on the beach.

This must be regional, because I'll be 61 in a few days and I've never heard of it.

 

I don't think they need a shower, but maybe a dinner in their honor would be nice.

[Guest]

Never heard of that. I would be put off simply because I always try to give gifts creatively in order to save cash. Whether that means shopping sales, using coupons, or even giving off registry. With asking for cash, I would feel really cheap giving what I may have been able to spend on something a bit nicer.

[kricau]

This is cute rhym I just saw online:

 

THE MONEY TREE

submitted by Lorynn Mason

 

They have their dishes and towels for two

They have pots and pans and oven mitts too.

 

So what do you get for the Bride & Groom

Whose house is setup in every room?

 

Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too

But you can not register for carpet and glue.

 

A tree that grows wishes is the way to go

So lets make it easy for all that know.

 

*An envelope will be provided for those who have room,

To give a monetary wish to the Bride and Groom.

 

A moneytree will be on display at the reception hall

To attach your wishes, for the couple, with love from all.

 

 

You could put it in the invitations.

[DianeW88]

I've never heard of such a thing. I would be shocked if I were invited to one. :blink:

 

I say give them a traditional shower, and let people decide what to give them. What they don't need they can return for cash, if that's what they need most.

 

:iagree: It breaks all the rules of etiquette and I've never heard of one either.

[dancer67]

Yea. See this is what I was afraid of. I was telling the bride that back in "my day"(ugh I hate to say that), that these showers were quite common. But I have not heard of one being given in a long time.

 

I have heard something along the lines of "Bring some Leaves To Hang on Our Money Tree"..............or even word it as "Requesting cards only please"

 

I don't know. Even though they have lived together and have everything, and completely makes sense to have people just bring money, or gift cards, I am not sure people are going to be open to it.

 

But then again, why give toasters, sheets, towels, etc when they already have it all?

 

They could use the money for a nice honeymoon, or place in the bank for a downpayment for a house.

 

But I think that people are going to see past the logic, and get offended.

[QueenCat]

I've never heard of them... but I would not buy traditional gifts for an older couple, or a couple who had been on their own for a while. I would think most guests would realize they don't need basic household things. If people ask, suggest $ or gift cards.

[dancer67]

This is cute rhym I just saw online:

 

THE MONEY TREE

submitted by Lorynn Mason

 

They have their dishes and towels for two

They have pots and pans and oven mitts too.

 

So what do you get for the Bride & Groom

Whose house is setup in every room?

 

Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too

But you can not register for carpet and glue.

 

A tree that grows wishes is the way to go

So lets make it easy for all that know.

 

*An envelope will be provided for those who have room,

To give a monetary wish to the Bride and Groom.

 

A moneytree will be on display at the reception hall

To attach your wishes, for the couple, with love from all.

 

 

You could put it in the invitations.

 

 

Oh, this is really good!!!

 

The decision is going to ultimately be up to the bride. I am definitely going to show her this. Her Maid of Honor is doing the invites but I told him(Yes, her maid of honor is a him, her brother. This is a lesbian wedding) I would do some asking around about this type of shower.

 

Thanks so much for this poem.

 

(ETA: The brides fiancee, goes by "groom")

[Susann]

In the situation of the pp who was moving far away, I could understand. Outside of that, I think it's tacky when I receive an invitation asking for money no matter how it's worded.

[catz]

blech.

 

I guess I'm old fashioned. Never heard of it.

 

:iagree: If they really don't need stuff and want to have a gathering, just have an engagement party for them and/or set up a ladies night out for the women in the wedding party as a bachlorette party.

 

You're basically asking people to give money TWICE since they clearly won't be registering for the wedding for gifts either and just want money. I think it's fine to spread that news by word of mouth for a wedding. But to throw a party telling you to bring cash? Hmmm ... I wouldn't like to give an invitation along those lines.

[dancer67]

:iagree: If they really don't need stuff and want to have a gathering, just have an engagement party for them and/or set up a ladies night out for the women in the wedding party as a bachlorette party.

 

You're basically asking people to give money TWICE since they clearly won't be registering for the wedding for gifts either and just want money. I think it's fine to spread that news by word of mouth for a wedding. But to throw a party telling you to bring cash? Hmmm ... I wouldn't like to give an invitation along those lines.

 

Hmmm, since you put it in those terms..............guess I am going to run this by the bride and her brother. I am not so sure this is a good idea.

 

Meaning a Greenback shower.

 

Thanks for all the feedback so far. :001_smile:

[Kathryn]

I would not attend a shower asking for money. It doesn't matter how cutely it's worded, it's just not appropriate to me. Likewise, I also find printing on the invitation where I can buy an acceptable gift inappropriate. I guess I'm old-fashioned here, but I was taught that registries are word of mouth.

[ktgrok]

How about registering at Home Depot or Lowes if they plan on doing any remodeling? Or at Target or Walmart for things that they may want like electronics, DVD's, board games, etc?

 

Or she can do a lingerie shower.

[elfgivas]

How about registering at Home Depot or Lowes if they plan on doing any remodeling? Or at Target or Walmart for things that they may want like electronics, DVD's, board games, etc?

 

.

 

:iagree: dh's sister and her husband registered at rei, and asked for camping gear. i think registering at home depot or lowe's would work, too.

 

but it might help to be clear on the goal/goals. is it a gathering to celebrate the upcoming wedding and offer emotional support to the couple? if so, a recipe shower could be fun, where everyone brings a favourite dessert recipe.... and the dessert for everyone to share, or a favourite bottle of wine to stock a wine cellar or ???

 

if the goal is to give folks a chance to give them something they need, that's different, and registering at a store that can do that makes more sense. i have been to one shower where everyone was asked to bring a recipe and make donations towards a lowe's gift card to help with buying major appliances for their kitchen.

 

however, culturally, this varies; we have several friends whose culture considers money gifts typical..... so it depends...

 

have fun!

ann

[Laurie4b]

I always thought the point of a shower is to have the community of friends and family each help a young couple get started on setting up a household because there is too much to buy at once and otherwise they couldn't afford it . A money shower could be appropriate in some instances like that -as in the case of the pp who was moving just after the wedding. If a couple doesn't need anything, why ask their friends to give them money? Seems incredibly tacky to me. It would be like my step-mother throwing a bday party for my dad (who also doesn't need anything) and telling us it's money only. Seems very greedy to me. I realize OP said it was friends doing it, but what on earth is the point? Just give them a nice party to say congratulations if friends want to honor the couple.

[Ellie]

I would not attend a shower asking for money. It doesn't matter how cutely it's worded, it's just not appropriate to me. Likewise, I also find printing on the invitation where I can buy an acceptable gift inappropriate. I guess I'm old-fashioned here, but I was taught that registries are word of mouth.

 

:iagree:

[Harriet Vane]

I think it's tacky to ask for money at a shower or other such event.

[katilac]

If the couple isn't having a traditional wedding or reception, and they don't need anything for their household, then I would very much consider doing something other than a shower. To say, hey, you aren't invited to the wedding, and there's no reception, but by all means fork over some cash - I would not be honored by such an invitation, lol.

 

Why have a pre-wedding shower at all? I understand wanting to celebrate, but in this case it would make more sense to do so AFTER the wedding. You could have an event along the same scale, but the bride and groom show off the wedding photos and so on. It would be a fun way to share their happiness.

 

I like the idea of asking people to bring a token item that requires a bit of thought or sentiment. Someone mentioned recipe cards; I have also attended events where people were asked to write down their best marital advice or a story (funny, sweet, whatever) about being married, or to bring an old picutre of the bride or groom. You could include blank cards in the invitation, and request that they do any of the above as their gift. Make sure to have extra cards at the event for those who forget.

 

If people specifically ask about other gifts, you can tell them that they their household is pretty well set, so the cards will be put in a book as a group gift. Those who are so inclined will still bring cash or gift cards. And yes, a few people will probably still bring a gift they don't have any conceivable use, but that's what great-aunts are for - comedic relief at showers and holiday occasions.

 

I'm not bothered by most of the finer etiquette points - I don't think it matters who gives the shower or where it is, etc - but this scenario just rubs me the wrong way.

[Ruby Rose]

How about mention of a money tree?

 

Something like this:

 

To celebrate the marriage of Jon and Jane with are presenting them with a money tree to help them build their nest. We have enclosed a leaf/envelop for you to write your wishes for the couple.

 

That way if they choose, they can contribute money or just a sweet sentiment.

[jewellsmommy]

If the couple isn't having a traditional wedding or reception, and they don't need anything for their household, then I would very much consider doing something other than a shower. To say, hey, you aren't invited to the wedding, and there's no reception, but by all means fork over some cash - I would not be honored by such an invitation, lol.

 

Why have a pre-wedding shower at all? I understand wanting to celebrate, but in this case it would make more sense to do so AFTER the wedding. You could have an event along the same scale, but the bride and groom show off the wedding photos and so on. It would be a fun way to share their happiness.

 

I like the idea of asking people to bring a token item that requires a bit of thought or sentiment. Someone mentioned recipe cards; I have also attended events where people were asked to write down their best marital advice or a story (funny, sweet, whatever) about being married, or to bring an old picutre of the bride or groom. You could include blank cards in the invitation, and request that they do any of the above as their gift. Make sure to have extra cards at the event for those who forget.

 

If people specifically ask about other gifts, you can tell them that they their household is pretty well set, so the cards will be put in a book as a group gift. Those who are so inclined will still bring cash or gift cards. And yes, a few people will probably still bring a gift they don't have any conceivable use, but that's what great-aunts are for - comedic relief at showers and holiday occasions.

 

I'm not bothered by most of the finer etiquette points - I don't think it matters who gives the shower or where it is, etc - but this scenario just rubs me the wrong way.

 

:iagree: It seems a simple celebratory dinner or gathering after the wedding would be better than a shower. A come and continue the celebration of our marriage type of thing. That would just seem better purposed to me.

 

People who know this couple will also know/figure out that they are not a young upstart couple with nothing. Some will give a thoughtful gift that the couple may have never realized they wanted, some will give cash or gift cards, and a few may grab the closest toaster at walmart :lol:. But, I would hope their friends and family would not need to be spoon fed in order to give something useful and thoughtful.

 

I

[kalanamak]

They are done here. The person setting up the party tells everyone. Done for graduations (kid sits and huge bin of $1 bills poured over him/her. Funny).

 

I've seen it at a 50th wedding anniversary (a money tree with mini clothes pin glued to a big cardboard tree). It was to help pay for the party. The couple was dirt poor, but well known in the church.

 

I've seen "diaper cakes" made of rolled up newborn disposables with a rolled up bills stuck in the upright diaper rolls like candles. For twins with minimum wage parents ...

Edited July 5, 2012 by kalanamak

[kalanamak]

I think it's tacky to ask for money at a shower or other such event.

 

Perhaps, but I've only seen it when people really are living on the edge of real poverty, and I haven't minded it a bit.

[Heather in Neverland]

:iagree: It breaks all the rules of etiquette and I've never heard of one either.

 

:iagree:

[katilac]

Perhaps, but I've only seen it when people really are living on the edge of real poverty, and I haven't minded it a bit.

 

Most people would probably mind it a lot less in that situation. Then again, I can't imagine that those on the edge of poverty couldn't use sheets, towels, and other household basics (re weddings).

 

I still think that asking for money is pretty unnecessary, because most guests are going to KNOW if the person or couple is that bad off, and will give gifts accordingly. There could be rare exceptions, of course, but, for the most part, anyone who knows the guest of honor well enough to be invited is going to be aware of whether they are living on the edge of real poverty.

[Rosie_0801]

If the couple isn't having a traditional wedding or reception, and they don't need anything for their household, then I would very much consider doing something other than a shower. To say, hey, you aren't invited to the wedding, and there's no reception, but by all means fork over some cash - I would not be honored by such an invitation, lol.

 

:iagree:But I have no problems with asking for cash on occasions where presents are traditional because it is very useful stuff. I'm having trouble thinking of a reason I wouldn't find a bridal shower invitation rude, though I suppose there must be some.

 

Rosie

[TranquilMind]

:iagree: It breaks all the rules of etiquette and I've never heard of one either.

 

Yes, this is an etiquette faux pas.

 

I wouldn't throw one or really wish to attend one. I'd give my money gift quietly, if that is what I chose to do.

 

The Emily Post voice in my head objected when my own brother's son had this money dance thing, where you were supposed to give money to the bride or the groom (depending on your gender) to dance with them. I just wouldn't slip my nephew a twenty to do it; he's not a stripper. :tongue_smilie:

 

I was happy to dance with him though.

[TranquilMind]

I've never heard of such a thing. I would be shocked if I were invited to one. :blink:

 

I say give them a traditional shower, and let people decide what to give them. What they don't need they can return for cash, if that's what they need most.

 

Yes, this. Some people will give money anyway.

[Ohdanigirl]

Yes, this is an etiquette faux pas.

 

I wouldn't throw one or really wish to attend one. I'd give my money gift quietly, if that is what I chose to do.

 

The Emily Post voice in my head objected when my own brother's son had this money dance thing, where you were supposed to give money to the bride or the groom (depending on your gender) to dance with them. I just wouldn't slip my nephew a twenty to do it; he's not a stripper. :tongue_smilie:

 

I was happy to dance with him though.

 

I am not sure about other cultures, but this is the traditional thing to do at Mexican weddings. Some couples have recently chosen not to do it, but often guests complain about that(the not doing it). It is always seen a something fun, and funny to look at.

 

Danielle

[I talk to the trees]

If the couple isn't having a traditional wedding or reception, and they don't need anything for their household, then I would very much consider doing something other than a shower. To say, hey, you aren't invited to the wedding, and there's no reception, but by all means fork over some cash - I would not be honored by such an invitation, lol.

 

 

I'm not bothered by most of the finer etiquette points - I don't think it matters who gives the shower or where it is, etc - but this scenario just rubs me the wrong way.

 

:iagree:To me, no matter how it was worded, I would feel like the invitation wasn't an invitation, but a solicitation of funds. Not "We're so happy you can share our day" but "We're so happy we can share your checkbook."

[ThisIsTheDay]

Miss Manners would be shocked.

 

After all they are providing two great parties for these guests, the shower and the wedding.

 

And Miss Manners would probably drop over dead. A party is never given with the expectation of receiving a gift to "even things out.":confused:

 

They are getting married in another state, and it will only be close friends and family. Total of maybe 15.

 

Here you go. Because you would never invite to a shower guests who are not invited to the wedding, the shower will be very small. Therefore, one would think that these very close friends will already know that the couple would prefer money over gifts and will have that option. No wording on invitations necessary.

[kewb]

Personally, I think the people attending know the couple and know that they are combining households and don't really need stuff. They would probably give money anyway (I know I probably would) or a gift card to the hardware store or something along those lines.

 

If I got an invite asking for money I wouldn't be offended but it is not something I would do.

[plansrme]

I have not read many of the other responses, but I would think that tacky and offensive. This not a young couple just starting out in their careers and in married life. These are grown-ups who, by the way, are not inviting anyone to a wedding. Why, exactly, would anyone want to give them money?

 

Terri

[ktgrok]

:iagree: It seems a simple celebratory dinner or gathering after the wedding would be better than a shower. A come and continue the celebration of our marriage type of thing. That would just seem better purposed to me.

 

People who know this couple will also know/figure out that they are not a young upstart couple with nothing. Some will give a thoughtful gift that the couple may have never realized they wanted, some will give cash or gift cards, and a few may grab the closest toaster at walmart :lol:. But, I would hope their friends and family would not need to be spoon fed in order to give something useful and thoughtful.

 

I

 

Yes, this! We had our wedding far away, just the two of us (out of the country). But we had a big party when we got back for all our family and friends. Not formal like a reception...I wore cordoroy pants, lol. I made all the food (traditional food from the country we were married in), we had a slide show playing of our wedding pictures, played the video for anyone that wanted while we were eating, and it was a blast.

[mom2scouts]

:iagree: If they really don't need stuff and want to have a gathering, just have an engagement party for them and/or set up a ladies night out for the women in the wedding party as a bachlorette party.

.

 

If they don't need stuff, then why are they even having a shower, especially one asking other people to give them money? The point of a shower is to "shower" the couple with things they need to set up their new house, which could be a large need for a young couple just starting out. If the point is to celebrate the bride/couple who don't need stuff, why not just a nice luncheon or something? A party asking for money because they already have everything they need is just tacky.

[dancer67]

The reason they are having a shower(and it is just for the bride) is because originally they were going to be married in state at a very posh hotel. Then they decided to get married on the ocean out of state. Unfortunately, even though the wedding was going to be two years away, the hotel would not refund their deposit, but agreed to give them a $500.00 credit towards an event, should they decide to have a shower or anniversary party or whatever.

 

So instead of losing the $500.00, the Maid of Honor decided to hold a shower at this same hotel so they wouldn't lose that money.

 

From the sound of the replies, the majority of everyone feels this is tacky.

 

I am going to leave the decision up to the bride and maid of honor. They were on the fence about this, and I said I would ask here on the forums.

 

Thank you to all who chimed in.

[gardenmom5]

I think it's tacky and showers should not be given by members of the family.

[bkpan]

If they don't need stuff, then why are they even having a shower, especially one asking other people to give them money? The point of a shower is to "shower" the couple with things they need to set up their new house, which could be a large need for a young couple just starting out. If the point is to celebrate the bride/couple who don't need stuff, why not just a nice luncheon or something? A party asking for money because they already have everything they need is just tacky.

 

:iagree: Use the event money for a nice bridal luncheon. I would be completely put off being invited to a "bring us some $ shower", sorry.

[Bluegoat]

I think it's tacky, whether people still do it or not.

 

A shower is to shower people with gifts. If they don't need gifts, then don't give them a shower. Have some sort of little party instead.

[Laurie4b]

The reason they are having a shower(and it is just for the bride) is because originally they were going to be married in state at a very posh hotel. Then they decided to get married on the ocean out of state. Unfortunately, even though the wedding was going to be two years away, the hotel would not refund their deposit, but agreed to give them a $500.00 credit towards an event, should they decide to have a shower or anniversary party or whatever.

 

So instead of losing the $500.00, the Maid of Honor decided to hold a shower at this same hotel so they wouldn't lose that money.

 

From the sound of the replies, the majority of everyone feels this is tacky.

 

I am going to leave the decision up to the bride and maid of honor. They were on the fence about this, and I said I would ask here on the forums.

 

Thank you to all who chimed in.

 

Well, in that case, it would be lovely if the new couple invited all their friends to a reception or some kind of celebration.

 

The details actually make the shower scenario worse: We have to use this space or we'll lose $500. Please come give us money--then maybe we'll break even . Recipients could be left thinking: "So the only reason you're even including us is so that you don't lose $500 and you're asking me for $$ to boot?" I'm sure from what you've said that the couple isn't thinking like this, but it would be logical for a guest to view it that way.

[ktgrok]

The reason they are having a shower(and it is just for the bride) is because originally they were going to be married in state at a very posh hotel. Then they decided to get married on the ocean out of state. Unfortunately, even though the wedding was going to be two years away, the hotel would not refund their deposit, but agreed to give them a $500.00 credit towards an event, should they decide to have a shower or anniversary party or whatever.

 

So instead of losing the $500.00, the Maid of Honor decided to hold a shower at this same hotel so they wouldn't lose that money.

 

From the sound of the replies, the majority of everyone feels this is tacky.

 

I am going to leave the decision up to the bride and maid of honor. They were on the fence about this, and I said I would ask here on the forums.

 

Thank you to all who chimed in.

 

I think they should use that credit to host a party after they get back, to celebrate the wedding.

[justamouse]

Where I am, $ is always given. It's not tacky, here, it's expected.

[Parrothead]

If they don't need stuff, then why are they even having a shower, especially one asking other people to give them money? The point of a shower is to "shower" the couple with things they need to set up their new house, which could be a large need for a young couple just starting out. If the point is to celebrate the bride/couple who don't need stuff, why not just a nice luncheon or something? A party asking for money because they already have everything they need is just tacky.

:iagree: The idea of a shower for people who have "everything" is kind of silly. A better use of the venue and the guests money would be to have an engagement party or a reception after they get back. At either type of party it is acceptable to have a money tree on hand. One may verbally pass along that a money tree will be available. (In some areas it is so common for a money tree to be on hand that the information need not be passed along.) But it should not be on the invitations.

[AHASRADA]

In my book, practicality trumps outdated concepts of "etiquette" any day. I have high regard for tradition and cultural expectations, but to a point.

 

Why inconvenience and frustrate both the giver and receiver; the former going to the time, effort and expense to select and purchase a gift, and the latter having to figure out what to do with, a gift that is not needed or wanted?

 

If the couple doesn't need anything specific, then a polite and appropriate manner in which to express that can and should be found.

 

I agree that having such a gathering might be more appropriate after the wedding, however, since there will be no reception.

 

BTW, in some cultures money is the most common and expected gift. Very few people give actual items, since they wouldn't know the couple's taste, needs, etc. It can also be considered tacky to give household items, since guests could use this as way to give a cheaper gift (on sale, poor quality, used, etc.) Just another way of looking at things...

[kricau]

This is hillarious. Half the people are offended and the other half think it's agood idea. LOL