tntgoodwin Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 ... And it is something understood to be confidential, do you assume that they may share it with their spouse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. But with the caveat that it goes no further than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. I share everything with my DH so I would assume most other wives would as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. Always. I've told a few girlfriends that if they didn't want my dh to know, then they shouldn't tell me. Once or twice, a friend chose not to tell me. That's ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, definitely. But I wouldn't expect it to go any further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 No, I do not assume they will share it with their spouse. But I would also make certain that was understood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I can't imagine keeping anything from my hubby. We're too much "one" to do that. Don't tell me if you wouldn't want him to know and don't tell him if you wouldn't want me to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomandlorih Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. I share everything with my DH so I would assume most other wives would as well. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 ... And it is something understood to be confidential, do you assume that they may share it with their spouse? Yes. I share everything with my husband. I assume the same of others - I don't expect them to keep something from their husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I assume the person will tell his/her spouse, and I ask about that. I tell people whose confidences I receive that I will never tell anyone (including DH) unless they ask me to. Despite that, there have been lots of people who think DH knows things about them that he does not. Boy are they surprised when they mention it in front of DH and he is clueless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) Yes, if the person discloses it to me, then they know the only other person who will find out is my husband. But, if someone came to my husband (he is a licensed ordained minister) with a confidential need or situation like counseling, he will NOT inform me of their situation. Nor do I want to know. ;) But basic gossip -of other friends or couples- yes, my husband and I talk about all of the time to each other. Serious ministry confidentiality with parishioners matters he deals with, NO. Edited May 23, 2012 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, I always assume that is a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, if the person discloses it to me, then they know the only other person who will find out is my husband. But, if someone came to my husband (he is a licensed ordained minister) with a confidential need or situation like counseling, he will NOT inform me of their situation. Nor do I want to know. ;) But basic gossip -of other friends or couples- yes, my husband and I talk about all of the time to each other. Serious ministry confidentiality with parishioners matters he deals with, NO. :iagree: Except that sometimes they do ask dh to tell me because they want my input on the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Not necessarily. I mean, I would never ask a friend to keep a secret from her husband. But on the other hand, why would she need to go telling him private details of my life? I guess I would expect her discretion, and that she would not tell him unless she had a better reason that idle chat or gossip. I think I'm going to be more careful about what I say after reading this thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I assume the person will tell his/her spouse, and I ask about that. I tell people whose confidences I receive that I will never tell anyone (including DH) unless they ask me to. Despite that, there have been lots of people who think DH knows things about them that he does not. Boy are they surprised when they mention it in front of DH and he is clueless. That's pretty much my thought. I assume what I share will be shared with a spouse (but no further), but I don't necessarily choose to share the confidences of others with my husband. I don't, for instance, if it's a deeply personal thought that I get the feeling the friend would not share with anyone else in the world. Or, obviously, if someone were to explicitly ask me not to repeat it, even to him. I wouldn't want to keep someone's deception a secret, but I will keep someone's personal thoughts, struggles, if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. But I have asked that a friend not share information with her DH until I let my DH know. In that situation, I didn't intend to share, but my choice was to do so or lie to her. S I told her and asked her to wait a few days before telling her hubby because the men are friends as well and I didn't want it to be awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 :iagree: Except that sometimes they do ask dh to tell me because they want my input on the situation. I agree. Except in some situations, it does make one uncomfortable to know so much about a parishioner. I tell hubby no to certain things if that situation does occur -- I like to stay out of knowing too much about a person's issues or addictions, kwim? If the person wants me in on the counseling session for intercession or whatever, then I will help out. But I do try to keep out of those type of sessions as it clouds my perception of that person, which their struggles or issues really have nothing to do with me. I hope that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, I would think they would share it with their spouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) ... And it is something understood to be confidential, do you assume that they may share it with their spouse? Yes, they well might. It depends on the person, the spouse, and the topic. Some spouses don't want to hear about your uterine fibroids. Edited May 24, 2012 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I tell my husband everything. I just assume everything I tell someone might make it back to their husband. Of course you have a 50/50 or probably more like 20/80 percent chance of my sweet man hearing or remembering what I said. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnrmom Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 For the most part, yes, but there are some certain intimate secrets about friends that I wouldn't tell my dh, just out of respect for their privacy. (And he's probably glad not to hear it!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I do. And actually, my dh's and my first fight was over this. One of his cousins told him something and said not to tell anyone. (We had only been married a year. I was in a conversation with this cousin's mom at a get together, and the way the conversation turned, I stepped in it without having any idea why what I was saying was so wrong. Then husband pulls me aside and tells me. The cousins mom assumed I knew because my husband knew I guess. But it was one of those things where she was dancing around the subject and it just so happened my response would have meant something totally different in light of that. I was so mad and embarrassed, and then more mad at his responses to my frustrations about him not telling me. Now we have an agreement, if he knows something about someone/ something I might come in contact with, he should tell me. But like stuff from work, he doesn't tell me about, unless it is really juicy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. I do not always share secrets with dh, but I would assume it was ok to do so. I figure other people do the same. Many couples we know pray aloud together, and something big enough to keep secret probably needs prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes, I do (assume they will share it with their spouse). By nature of my own marriage, my friends and family are well aware that there is nothing I knowingly keep from my husband. Period. They would do better to never assume I will not tell him anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Depends. For most things, yes so if I wanted someone to keep something completely secret, I would make that clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes, I assume they would share with their spouse. I don't keep secrets from my dh, but I don't make a point to tell him every little thing friends share with me. His eyes would glaze over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I would assume a friend who is married would not keep secrets from her husband, and the few times I have share something in confidence with a married friend of that magnitude, I have preface it with the statement that I would not expect her to keep it from her spouse, but that she ask he keep it in confidence also. My DH attends AA meetings and anonymnity is one of their basic principles so he is unable to share much of what is discussed in his meetings or with his sponsees with me. It used to really bother me, but I have learned to get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 No, I do not assume they will share it with their spouse. But I would also make certain that was understood. :iagree: If my friend tells me something, and asks that I don't even tell dh, then I don't, and vice versa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 This question came up some time ago here and I was astonished that so many wives would share something a friend said with their dhs! After that thread I vowed to share nothing with friends that I wasn't ready to have passed on because until that thread I never thought of my words going any further than the immediate conversation, that something I shared in confidence would actually be told to someone else, even a husband. My husband doesn't ask about my conversations with friends. It wouldn't occur to him to do so and, if I ever start to share something a friend told me, he stops me and asks if I have that friend's permission to tell him. I really respect him for that and my friends do as well. My friends also know that whatever they tell me stays with me. I cherish that trust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes. I share everything with my husband. I assume the same of others - I don't expect them to keep something from their husband. :iagree: The only exceptions are female health topics....which he doesn't want to or need to know anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Random info that is private, I can keep private. Anything that dh needs to know I tell him, but mostly I talk to him as he helps me cope. I have some friends dealing with some heavy stuff. DH is the person who supports me while I support them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 It depends, I'd assume yes with most people. I have two very close friends who dh is good friends with the husbands. We get together (the women) semi-regularly to talk and don't typically share what is said. I will ask if something is ok to share with him. The husbands also meet regularly for a men's prayer/fellowship time and they don't share everything from there either. I don't necessarily want to know issues the men are having and I don't want the other men to know issues I might be having. But those are very particular relationships. My husband is very sensitive about privacy and gossip. He has been an elder in our church and is currently a deacon and he takes the confidentiality thing to an extreme. Many times people assume I know things because they have told him, but he hasn't told me. To me, it's just part of his character that I admire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Most likely, but it depends on what it is. If it was a family issue, I would expect it to be shared. If I was talking with another married lady about TeA or a womanly issue, I would not expect that would be shared - or that little detail would be included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trailofsparks Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 No, even though my dh wouldn't tell anyone I still feel keeping confidence is very important. Not too many of my friends feel this way though, so I tell them less and less, which is fine. At least I know who my true confidants are! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes. But with the caveat that it goes no further than that. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 In general, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 No, I don't. Basic info yes, but everyone's deepest darkest secrets though, no. There are things friends tell me in confidence that my dh would have no need to know and wouldn't care to know and asking dh he and I both feel to share those things would just be gossip. I'm selective with who I share with and after reading this am more so. Why would I need to share details of a friend's sexual abuse or her struggles with marriage? They are friends with me, not my husband and that information is given based on our relationship. I have a hard time trusting though and a low level for betrayal. FWIW dh and I are "one" as well in our marriage but that doesn't we aren't also individuals, otherwise I wouldn't pursue individual friendships but only ones as a couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes, I assume they would share with their spouse. I don't keep secrets from my dh, but I don't make a point to tell him every little thing friends share with me. His eyes would glaze over. I should have added the bolded to my post as well. I don't hide anything from my DH. If someone asked me to keep a secret from my DH, then I would ask them not to tell me whatever it was they wanted to share. However, this doesn't mean that I go hunting my DH down to unload everything on him. If it comes up in conversation or if I want to ask his opinion on it or if I want us to pray about a situation or for someone, I share the information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyMama Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Guess I'm the odd one out... My husband and I go out of our way to not share the secrets of our friends or family with one another, unless it was something we had asked permission to share. The examples I know of: my husband has friends who go through marriage struggles and talk with him about it. He doesn't tell me the specifics, and I don't want to know, as it makes it so the couple can still spend time with us without feeling awkward. This also makes it easier for them to share with me on their own terms and their own timing. Likewise, I had some girlfriends over the other nights, and we were sharing "scandalous" things from our youth. I would never repeat those to my husband- they wouldn't edify him or his relationship with my friends in any way. And I can honestly say my only motivation for sharing them would be the enjoyment of gossip. So I keep my mouth closed. That being said- I don't say anything to my friends that I don't expect their husbands to also hear, as I know most women don't think as I do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) No, I do not assume they will share it with their spouse. But I would also make certain that was understood. :iagree: I expect dh to keep his confidences and he expects me to keep mine. He would be mortified if I betrayed someones trust. And I'm with Lilymama in that if I don't want it shared I don't talk about it. Edited May 24, 2012 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeautifulLife Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes. I share everything with my DH so I would assume most other wives would as well. :iagree: Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemy4kids Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes. But with the caveat that it goes no further than that. :iagree: I tell my hubby things and he tells me... the two shall be as one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes, unless I specifically ask them/am asked not to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1pageatatime Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Yes. I didn't always before, but I almost filed for divorce a little over two yrs ago, and after lots of counseling, I no longer hold anything from dh. We've been married 21 yrs by law. 24 by common law.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I do not tell DH things that friends tell me in confidence, but like a pp I assume that other people do. Actually, I assume that most people will tell not only their spouse, but also their sister, mutual friends, etc., even if you ask them not to, so I never tell anyone anything that I'm not comfortable being general knowledge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 My best friend and I will specifically say not to tell our spouses if it's something we don't want the menfolk to know (which is very rare). But, otherwise we assume that the husbands will be privy to our conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 No. Absolutely not. If someone asks me to keep something confidential, it means just that. Confidential. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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