garddwr Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 One more thing that I don't think has been mentioned: if I sent my older children to school, I wouldn't actually end up with much more time for housework because I would be losing my toddler entertainment system--and I remember all too well how hard it was to get ANYTHING done when my oldest was a toddler and wanted me to interact with her all day long. Homeschooling does increase mom's workload, but just having babies and young children in the house amounts to a full-time job--and keeping the little ones happily occupied is something my older children do quite well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briartell Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 You need to reduce the amount of stuff in your life to make it manageable. Box up 90% of the toys (rotate monthly), give the kids only enough outfits for 4 days of clothes, create a weekly menu plan and stick to it. Lock doors to rooms the kids don't need to be in all day to keep messes from spilling over to those areas. Discover the Flylady method. http://www.flylady.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiddenJewel Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 The worst thing you can do right now is focus on the negative because that will not help you with your relationship with your husband. (And I do think those are unreasonable expectations just so you know what perspective I am coming from.) When I get overwhelmed I have to step back and first identify the issue(s), break them into small enough pieces I can process them, and then come up with a workable plan. Is it possible that you and your husband could sit down together and do this? If not, you can do it on your own too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I know I've heard this before, but thought it fitting for this thread :) (to add some humor) This is for all you stay at home parents out there! A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?..." "Yes," was his incredulous reply.. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Does that kid have his head in the microwave?:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Cynthia, that is the best EVER. I actually cracked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Exactly The problem is with him, his expectations and controlling attitude about it. I'm really shocked that women would ever put up with something like this. I would probably laugh in his face if my husband said something like that to me, or expected that. You know, with my own Dh, I tell him like it is and would totally laugh in his face. He and I go toe to toe, and we're ok with that, but other people have different relationships. It all depends on how they roll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway). A serious reality check is needed. Yes, it is unreasonable to expect you to homeschool one child, take care of three very young children, AND keep the house clean to that level. I vote that you go away on a vacation for a week, leave him with the children and his expectations, and see how he does. Maybe he'll have a better perspective then. Having that many small children is a full-time job. If you get to any of the rest of that stuff, it's gravy. :iagree: My husband has walked in my shoes, he knows better than to say something so ridiculous. Maybe a few days away from home would do a whole lot of good right now? My DH is known to come home, take a look at the mess (you know those days) and hand ME the keys to the Jeep with orders not to return for at least a half hour. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 :grouphug: Homeschooling/housekeeping is a balance. I found out recently that if I focus on my dh's "triggers" we all feel more restful. For him, he feels stressed if he walks in and the entryway and kitchen are dirty. He could care less about the laundry, beds made, etc. but the immediate sight when he walks in sets the mood. *I* feel better when beds are made and the bathrooms are clean. I took inspiration from Flylady and make my bed as soon as I get up, the toddler's after nap, and the big kid takes care of his own with me checking. If I may share some tips that have worked in my house... -put your cleaning supplies where you'll use them. I keep washrags in each bathroom and the kitchen. Every morning I can quickly scrub the toilet(30 seconds), wipe the sinks (1 minute), and shine the faucet handles. Every few days I'll do the mirror, too. -get rid of 90% the kids' toys and organize the rest into baskets or open containers you can toss things in. -don't nail jello to the tree. There's no point in me cleaning the entryway at 9am. I do it at 5pm, right before dh gets home. -keep a basket for each big kid in the living room. As you go through the house you can drop stuff in it for them to put away as part of their evening routine. I absolutely think that when your dh gets home the house should be lived in, but clean, yet at the same time I think that anything after he gets home should be considered 50/50. You both have full time jobs. If he wants you to shoulder ALL of the homeschooling and ALL of the housework, he should re-examine ALL of his expectations. Great, great post! In our family, albeit smaller, organization is key. This is for all you stay at home parents out there! A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?..." "Yes," was his incredulous reply.. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." Awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytime Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 Oh my goodness!! What a lot of responses! I haven't been able to read them yet...I'm going to have to carve out a chunk of time to sit and read them all. I posted last night in a crisis moment and wow, you ladies responded! Thank you to everyone. So, I've had a night's sleep, and here are my quick thoughts now... I'm hoping that once the dust settles from all the drama this weekend between Dh and I, that the new system will work out pretty well. I'll never be "perfect" or "spotless," but I'll try my best to keep it decently clean like I've always done, and he's okay with that. (For the record, I think it's fairly decent most of the time, a total wreck sometimes, and super perfect just before company comes, lol). I think I'm guilty of assuming the worst about his expectations.:blushing: I know he really does want it picked up all the time, cause he grew up in a very clean house. But, his mom had only two kids in ps, and they were 6 years apart!:glare: It's just hard because the in-laws live 5 minutes away, and SIL lives next door (with no kids)...so I feel like the crazy hsing wacko with four kids and a lived-in house. I need to really work on not comparing myself with them. I want to go visit other homeschoolers. Any takers?? :001_smile: Dh and I had another good talk this morning because I need to know what he wants so we can live together peaceably. :lol: Clean house or hs? He said he wants both and he thinks we can do it. He just wants a clean house with everything in its place so our house can be peaceful. He wants to have lots of time to go do fun things, not be stuck at home cleaning. I want that, too (obviously). He wants me to have good routines and habits in place, and for the kids to help more. I really try. I can make a schedule, but life is good at interrupting it. But, I can try harder. I've been getting up at 6 every morning and showering at night, so that's a big help. Just this morning he helped start breakfast while I nursed the baby, and he cleaned up all the breakfast dishes and started the dishwasher while I vacuumed and the kids picked up a pile of their stuff. We were rocking and ready to start school by 8:30! Yay! I didn't ask him to or expect him to, he just jumped in. I think maybe that now he doesn't feel that he has to do it, or is expected to do it, or even should do it, then he totally won't mind pitching in and helping whenever he has a chance. And I won't feel hurt if he can't help since I won't have the expectation that he will. Clear as mud? And he'll feel that he can go ahead and get to all the projects we want to do, cause the house stuff isn't his responsibility any more. So, ok, I gotta get back at it. I saw that Faithe started a s/o about housekeeping. I gotta go back and read all the helpful advice you ladies gave me! If I want to keep hsing, I don't want to drown in housework. This is two full-time jobs. Who has an awesome motto I can remember? Maybe this one? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming." I think I need to start another thread to remind myself of the reasons WHY I even want to hs in the first place so I'll have more motivation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 We are living the same life. :grouphug: I have felt the way you felt in your first post and in your last. I think your husband (and mine) are unrealistic. Maybe someday they will realize it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinD Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Sounds like this morning went way better....glad he pitched in too. Maybe he kind of gets it (although I'd still be wary of the "the house can be spotless AND the kids can be homeschooled). I'd tell the in-laws, in future, to either join in the cleaning or keep their opinions to themselves (sweetly, of course). And that school is not on the table. I just wanted to throw in a few cheat-cleaning suggestions that I got from a professional house cleaner I know: 1. If the mirrors are shiny, everything else looks cleaner too. 2. Wipe door frames and windowsills with a scented cleaner (her favourite is lemon or lavender). Then when people walk through, the house automatically smells cleaner. 3. A dry swiffer (or reuseable equivalent) run around the floors quickly will make them look freshly washed (except the kitchen). 4. If all else fails, light candles, dim the lights, and put the kids to bed early. It'll look like you planned a romantic dinner for two and he won't even notice the state of the house. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 First, I think he needs to be much less OCD on a clean house! You start with the basics and add them as they get older!! Basics: (when you have ANY children under 5) Kids are fed... Kids are clothed.... Kids are bathed.... Kids have some education... Vacuum..huh? Extras: (when all your kids are over 5) Kids are fed well... Kids are in clean clothes... Kids actually used shampoo during their bath time.... Kids completed 75% of their work.... Time for one load of laundry and kitchen sink is empty.... Vacuum once a week...toilets cleaned once a week...sheets changed monthly Extra Extras: (when all your kids are above 10) Kids helped clean dishes after each meal... Kids do their own laundry... Kids use too much shampoo...need to set aside a new budget for it... Kids completed 75% of their work without only 3 prompts... Took kids to 8 events and other lessons... Vacuum once a week....toilets cleaned when company comes over...sheets changed twice a month Extra Extra Extras: (when all your kids are teenagers) Kids start cooking 2 meals a week... Kids don't need laundry...they just rewear them until they have time to wash something and throw it in with your load. Kids need gas money... Kids get the stuff they need done for school... Vacuum has lasted 7 years...finally seeing regular use.... Furniture polish is a welcomed scent... When it all gets better: The floors are vacuumed daily, dishes are all tucked away in their spots...sheets are changed weekly, toilets are sparkling...smells amazingly clean and not a speck of dust anywhere... just waiting for the kids to come visit from college... Your dh needs to be reasonable..accept a clean house under the clutter...leave his temper at bay....get a grip...the goal is to love your children and teach them how to survive in this life...a clean house is a nice accent...but love, joy, grace are much more valuable....they will want to know a father who shared those rather than his obsession to have a perfect house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 It may be time to read The Man Who Kept House. http://www.infonorway.com/article.php?id=4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 This is for all you stay at home parents out there! A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?..." "Yes," was his incredulous reply.. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." Love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Michelle* Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 It may be time to read The Man Who Kept House.http://www.infonorway.com/article.php?id=4 :lol: I like how it ends so abruptly. There's really nothing more to say after that image! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Just for fun, because I love this idea: My sister is married to a man who wants his house immaculate. She has decided the perfect solution would be to buy a duplex--one half would be for her and the children to live in during the day. The other half would be for welcoming dh home at the end of the day :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewaka Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Just for fun, because I love this idea: My sister is married to a man who wants his house immaculate. She has decided the perfect solution would be to buy a duplex--one half would be for her and the children to live in during the day. The other half would be for welcoming dh home at the end of the day :D BRILLIANT! Absolutely love this idea. Tell your sister she's a genius! Now, if only I had the money :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm assuming the OP is looking for ideas on how to tame the housework monster, so here are some things that work for our big little crew. *Life gets better for me once my littlest is 1yo. Their routine is more predictable, they are easier to entertain, and they aren't nursing nearly as often. *I dream of morning bathroom wipe-downs, but I can barely make it in and out of the shower before a crisis occurs. I now clean the bathroom while my youngest is bathing. *Decide your daily minimums and peg them to logical times in your day. I throw laundry in right away in the morning, switch at lunch, and finish while I'm making dinner. I fold the next day in those little random free moments in the day. *I unload the dishwasher before making meals. That way it is available for meal dishes. If it doesn't have enough room for the next meal dishes, then I run it even if it's not full. *I clear all the counters and dishes after every meal and snack. This is for my mental health. *I assign the youngest non-baby to shoe duty in the entry way. That keeps the entry way looking OK for when dh comes home. *Everyone helps in a full-house pick-up right before dh comes home, and then they get a small amount of screen time while I finish prepping dinner. They pick-up (we utilize the basket idea as well) while I vacuum. My youngest non-baby sets the table. The house stays picked-up until they start moving after screen time and after dh gets home. :D *I focus on making the first view of the house soothing for dh. The upstairs might be trashed, but he won't figure it out until bedtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 We are living the same life. :grouphug: I have felt the way you felt in your first post and in your last. I think your husband (and mine) are unrealistic. Maybe someday they will realize it. :iagree: although we made the decision to HS together, when he's especially stressed out, he'll actually say things like "you act like the kids are your main job," and most often "you and the kids get to stay home and have fun, what's in it for me?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 :iagree: although we made the decision to HS together, when he's especially stressed out, he'll actually say things like "you act like the kids are your main job," and most often "you and the kids get to stay home and have fun, what's in it for me?" Mine says "I work hard to pay for this house and you don't respect me enough to keep it clean". :confused: he also works to keep our kids fed and clothed and educated, all of which I'm responsible for too. :banghead: OP, you aren't alone in your experience. No mom finds this an easy time. And having a husband who thinks you should be able to do it all is tough. I have no doubt he's a good man (I know mine is). Like most things in marriage, a compromise needs to be reached to keep the peace. My mantra, BTW, is this too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thefragile7393 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I don't have four kids but I have 2 kids with zero help and that alone drives me crazy. Hats off to you for doing what you can! Honestly, it takes a committed family to pull off homeschooling. I can understand your husband's frustration. At the same time though, you must have help indoors in order to continue, IMO. Everyone else has had great ideas already but I echo keep trying to help the kids learn to help keep things clean and see if you can convince husband that you need help INDOORS. Even if it is just something like cleaning bathrooms only. I know it is hard, and I can only imagine how hard it is with four....but keep trying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoamiracle Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 :iagree: although we made the decision to HS together, when he's especially stressed out, he'll actually say things like "you act like the kids are your main job," and most often "you and the kids get to stay home and have fun, what's in it for me?" um, he thinks staying home with four kids, one of them just 8mnths old, trying to feed them, educate them, do laundry, keep toys out the baby's mouth, keep others from fighting, keep them safe, FUN? He really needs to spend a weekend ALONE with them and see how well he does! I feel for you. I have one 5yr old and my house has not been clean all at once since he's been born. It's cleaned in sections. When he was a baby all over the place it was always a mess. I would try to get the kids organized to clean up all toys and clutter before he gets home. Possibly fix one dish meals that the kids can help you with, or fix several dishes on the weekends and freeze them. Didn't read the 12 pages of responses so this is probably old advice, but just wanted to send you a huge HUG!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I don't have time to read all the replies (maybe later). Boy...your dh would have a heart attack if he walked into our house. I don't mean this to sound mean....but I really, really think your husband needs a reality check and to lower his expectations (:chillpill:!). The world isn't going to fall apart if there are a few dirty dishes in the sink, some toys on the floor, and some unfolded (let alone dirty) laundry piled up. I don't know how....but I really think he needs to know that you can.not have little kids and live in perfection. It's going to kill you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nature Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I agree- those expectations are not reasonable. I don't have as many kids as you and no younger kids. I might have been caught up with laundry a year or so ago, but it's an ongoing battle. For me and my husband, homeschooling is a priority and cleaning is not. He does like to have dinner every evening, but I'm lucky if I make something four times a week. Having young children and homeschooling is much more than one full-time job. If a clean house and dinner are important to him, he should hire someone to help you or he should help out more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) My DH has been at home the last 2 weeks, he now realises that teaching my 2nd & K'er, and running around after my toddler, takes all.day.long and is exhausting! Every now and then he has a whinge about the state of the house, and I'm getting better every year, but we compromised on what was really important to him and he is learning to 'not see' the rest. :D You're not alone, it is hard - sometimes it's only hard. I hope you and your DH can work something out :grouphug: Edited April 28, 2012 by LMD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I think that if your focus is on keeping the house spotless, you will not be able to educate your child well or take care of the 3 other ones. You'll end up taking it out on the kids like your dh is taking out whatever his nutty problem is on you. You have an untenable situation here. It will not get better until your youngest is around 8-10, or your dh comes around to reasonable thinking. Sending the eldest to ps won't help. Putting all 4 in ps/ full time daycare would help. I don't think that's what you want for children, but that or hiring a fulltime housekeeper is really what your dh seems to want. The only solution I can see here is to laugh at the ridiculous comments your dh is making and carry on with being a great mom. If the laundry is kept up, the house is liveable and sanitary, and the children feel loved and are educated well... you have had a successful day. No matter what nutty comments your husband makes. Ignore him and carry on. The only possible concession I would make in this situation is to meet husband at the curb when he arrives home from work with all 4 children in playclothes and pack them into his car for a trip to the park. Then spend an hour cleaning while he plays with the darlings. Hopefully they'll all come home in great moods and he'll come home to a clean house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 If he wants a (very) clean house and homeschooling while you have children that age, you're going to have to hire some help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma2Many66 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 First, I think he needs to be much less OCD on a clean house! You start with the basics and add them as they get older!! Basics: (when you have ANY children under 5) Kids are fed... Kids are clothed.... Kids are bathed.... Kids have some education... Vacuum..huh? Extras: (when all your kids are over 5) Kids are fed well... Kids are in clean clothes... Kids actually used shampoo during their bath time.... Kids completed 75% of their work.... Time for one load of laundry and kitchen sink is empty.... Vacuum once a week...toilets cleaned once a week...sheets changed monthly Extra Extras: (when all your kids are above 10) Kids helped clean dishes after each meal... Kids do their own laundry... Kids use too much shampoo...need to set aside a new budget for it... Kids completed 75% of their work without only 3 prompts... Took kids to 8 events and other lessons... Vacuum once a week....toilets cleaned when company comes over...sheets changed twice a month Extra Extra Extras: (when all your kids are teenagers) Kids start cooking 2 meals a week... Kids don't need laundry...they just rewear them until they have time to wash something and throw it in with your load. Kids need gas money... Kids get the stuff they need done for school... Vacuum has lasted 7 years...finally seeing regular use.... Furniture polish is a welcomed scent... When it all gets better: The floors are vacuumed daily, dishes are all tucked away in their spots...sheets are changed weekly, toilets are sparkling...smells amazingly clean and not a speck of dust anywhere... just waiting for the kids to come visit from college... Your dh needs to be reasonable..accept a clean house under the clutter...leave his temper at bay....get a grip...the goal is to love your children and teach them how to survive in this life...a clean house is a nice accent...but love, joy, grace are much more valuable....they will want to know a father who shared those rather than his obsession to have a perfect house. I wish we had a LIKE button :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I love the line : " don't nail jello to a tree." :D:D And :iagree: With 4 small children...my advice is to minimize toys....bare minimum. I boxed my kids toys up and rotated them. It was fun for them....too many were overwhelming, and every few weeks, they had something new. Take advantage of paper plates, cups etc. during the day. Teach your 8 year old to vacuum. All of my boys LOVE vacuuming!! It is a search and destroy mission. Get comforters instead of bedspreads....and show your kids how to spreadnit neatly on their bed. Baskets!! Get some nice baskets....and at 4:30.....call CLEAN UP!!!!! Set the clock for 10 minutes.....and everyone throws everything into the baskets! Plan your dinners. The crockpot is your friend. The rice cooker is your friend, Salad is your friend, Chicken already cut up is your friend. Make itbsimple....very simple. Oh, I agree with the previous poster who suggested you go on a trip for a week. You are in this together with dh. If he has the demands, he should be ready to help you. Maybe he was just in a snit, or had a few bad days at work.....NOT trying to undermine your dh.....but we all act immature sometimes, especially when we are tired. Don't read too much into it..... Yes dear, goes a long way....especially with a nice :D......AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can be very passive aggressive....:tongue_smilie: Oh, be nice to you. You still have little kids. Set school time for 2 or 3 hours and when you are done....you are done. 3 hours is PLENTY for an 8 year old!! I am sorry you are having a rough time. I think we all struggle with the role of mother, wife, homeschool teacher.....especially when our Moms did not act as examples..... Faithe :iagree: What she said but especially the part about 3 hours of school for an 8 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I think I would focus on that which is doable. There is no sense in sweeping the floor after every meal. I'd do it right before he comes home and have your oldest vacuum while you do that. I'd have your evening pick-up time before that and another one right before lunch as well, if you do it 2x within the day it should stay manageable. I'd have an evening clean-up w/ everyone helping as well. Everyone pitches in and all toys are put up, table and countertops clean- dishes taken care of- if you wake up to relatively clean you have a better chance. It should take 30 min or less to get it taken care of if everyone works together. I do think your kids should be helping my 7.5 and (just turned) 5yo help a lot. I knew from the beginning we were planning a large family and that to survive everyone has to pitch in. I'd recruit your dh to help in training them to do so. I'd also recruit your dh to help w/ organizing and purging the whole house so things are much more streamlined. If you can start from clean and organized it is much easier to keep up. You have to be ruthless with getting rid of toys as well. As much as possible I'd purge the toys and focus on them keeping them in their rooms or a dedicated area. My oldest know if they aren't able to keep their toys picked up then I will go through them. Laundry- I think it is much easier just to keep it done. I can get by w/ a load every other day or so(I have a large capacity washer though). I wash in the am and try to hang(with dc help) in the afternoon or evening. Everyone (but the 2 yo) helps and folds their own- it takes less than 10 min and then we all put them away. You need to find your own system though. On meals I'd focus on simple things you like and are easy to cook for now, keep it basic and use the crockpot. If nothing else come up w/ a 1 wk menu and keep repeating it until you get it down of things you already know how to make and like. For example: ( keep in mind I have no idea of your current cooking level or likes but was trying to think of basic and easy things to make- maybe it will at least spark some ideas) Spaghetti(jarred sauce-meat-noodles)-bagged salad tacos-(meat/canned refried beans- seasoning pack) salsa, cheese, bagged salad roast- throw in crockpot- add baby carrots, sliced onions and potatoes- salt, pepper, Worcestershire, cook all day Roasted chicken legs- throw in the oven w/ bottled bbq sauce-make some green beans and mashed/instant potatoes or instant side dishes grill night- daddy grills some kind of meat and you make side dishes- corn on the cob and maybe premade baked beans chicken noodle soup- use some left over chicken, egg noodles and various veggies, serve w/ bread or such lunch- make it sandwiches! pb and j, tuna, ham/turkey, etc bfast- hot cereal- fast and easy- oatmeal, big pot of scrambled eggs w/ some fruit- maybe some bacon or sausage, keep fancier b-fasts for when dh is off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineMom Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 You will probably not like what I have to say but here goes. The notion that the house would be perfectly cleaned could maybe be achieved, if the kids were in school. Thinking 1950's dreamland ideas here. However, because you are homeschooling four children, it would be next to impossible to have anything other than a semi-messy, disorganized home. Beliefs in rigid role expectations of being a woman, wife, mother can cause depression, which will attack and defeat your very long term goal of homeschooling. Ten years from now, will it matter that the house was "super clean" or will graduating children be more important? You are more valuable than your ability to clean! You will need to believe this yourself before your husband ever will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I agree. He is asking for a spotless home, well home educated kids, free time to spend as a family, and complete peace and harmony? Um yeah that's a recipe for a major nervous breakdown. Life is not a Leave it to Beaver episode. You will always feel like a failure running uphill both ways because that isn't possible. I feel like crying for the OP. Sorry, but I do. :iagree: it's just sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 We had a whole lot of talking about it this weekend, and I'm shocked to find that it seems like he really does want the clean house more than anything. I'm trying to figure out exactly what his expectations are. Communication can be hard sometimes, but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway). Okay, bluntly put, this are ridiculous expectations. No one with children at home all day will get this done daily. Not unless it's a hired housekeeper coming in to do it. It doesn't seem unreasonable... Here's where you're wrong. It IS EXTREMELY unreasonable. He really wants to eat dinner by 5, which helps us get the kids to bed on time. But I often have a hard time getting it done by then. The he needs to come home to watch the kids in time for you to cook and have it ready by 5, or cook it himself while you continue watching the kids. Or bring home food. Ack!! I need some serious time management skills. I certainly did NOT learn them from my mother. :banghead:! What you need is for your dh to wake up to reality. You also need to stop telling yourself that you are a failure. You are a wife and mother and not hired help, nor a servant. Honestly, I read your posts to my dh, and he said it sounds like your dh does not respect or honor you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Oh, sweetie. Your dh is being unreasonable and may not even know it. I want to give you a huge, huge hug and giver your dh a pinch to face up to reality. It is very stressful to have little ones and even more stressful when you are homeschooling. I look at our old videos and am shocked at all the toys everywhere (4 kids 6&under), but we were all happy and healthy. Dh helped a lot with housework. One of the things I did was ask dh what the top 10 things were that made him happy or were important to him. I could do that, and we talked a lot about expectations and reality. After a few uh discussions he began to realize that saying the toilet needed cleaned and it would only take 5 minutes irked me. Everything took 5 minutes, but I can't do everything. So he stopped "sharing" and started just quietly doing. He still wants a parade when he does stuff, but I try to be appreciative and share all the thing I do in a nice way. LOL Marriage is fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 he'll actually say things like "you act like the kids are your main job," and most often "you and the kids get to stay home and have fun, what's in it for me?" To the bolded: Educating and Mothering the kids *is* your main job. It is the only thing that a homeschool mom does with any eternal significance. If I felt fulfilled scrubbing/cooking/cleaning, I'd be a professional housekeeper. As it is, I am professional Homeschool Mom.:coolgleamA: To the second quote there: Dh's often think that "home" means to you the same thing it means to him. To him, it's a haven where he eats, sleeps, and plays. He thinks that it is a haven where you eat, sleep and play also. He doesn't get that you WORK here. I've tried explaining to mine that it's as if he had to eat/sleep in his office. He got offended at that:tongue_smilie:, so I don't know....but it is the truth. Often, a SAHM feels the like WORK and DRUDGERY follow her around and she can't even sit for a lunch break or sleep at night without the WORK following her around. I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way. I think it's vital to carve out time for what is of eternal significance and don't.budge.an.inch in guarding that time like a momma-bear! School cannot be eaten up by housework! It just can't. Therapies, potty training, meals, and even - no ESPECIALLY - the 30min rounds of Candyland and Go to the Dump need to be sacrosanct. This is what you are here for. Type up a spreadsheet of every 15min in your day, and plot out what you do and when. No housework allowed during the Mommy-Time!!! (Unless you are specifically teaching your children how to do some chores.) If you do not guard this time, resentment will grow faster than the dust bunnies and mold ever could. That said, I'd be totally happy to hire help so that I can have a spotless house when I get off work.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineMom Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Sadly, women's work is often devalued. What I heard you say previously is something to the effect that your husband sees your time at home (while he is at work) as fun-time but nothing could be further from the truth. Unfortunately, women often have to teach men empathy (like we don't have enough to do already:glare:). In order for your husband to really develop empathy and likewise, appreciation of your work, he may need to try a day of this "fun-time" himself. I would encourage you to leave all your children with your husband on a regular basis, a couple of times a week (short time frame) and then try leaving the kids with him for a whole day and even over night. I did this when my children were young and my husband gained a tremendous respect for me, for he was able to experience the sacrifices I made, in order for family life to run smoothly. Remember that a marriage is strong when both parties are equally valued. Think about being helpmates to one another-that's your marriage model. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 To the bolded: Educating and Mothering the kids *is* your main job. It is the only thing that a homeschool mom does with any eternal significance. If I felt fulfilled scrubbing/cooking/cleaning, I'd be a professional housekeeper. As it is, I am professional Homeschool Mom.:coolgleamA: To the second quote there: Dh's often think that "home" means to you the same thing it means to him. To him, it's a haven where he eats, sleeps, and plays. He thinks that it is a haven where you eat, sleep and play also. He doesn't get that you WORK here. I've tried explaining to mine that it's as if he had to eat/sleep in his office. He got offended at that:tongue_smilie:, so I don't know....but it is the truth. Often, a SAHM feels the like WORK and DRUDGERY follow her around and she can't even sit for a lunch break or sleep at night without the WORK following her around. I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way. I think it's vital to carve out time for what is of eternal significance and don't.budge.an.inch in guarding that time like a momma-bear! School cannot be eaten up by housework! It just can't. Therapies, potty training, meals, and even - no ESPECIALLY - the 30min rounds of Candyland and Go to the Dump need to be sacrosanct. This is what you are here for. Type up a spreadsheet of every 15min in your day, and plot out what you do and when. No housework allowed during the Mommy-Time!!! (Unless you are specifically teaching your children how to do some chores.) If you do not guard this time, resentment will grow faster than the dust bunnies and mold ever could. That said, I'd be totally happy to hire help so that I can have a spotless house when I get off work.:tongue_smilie: You said it very well. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 First, I think he needs to be much less OCD on a clean house! You start with the basics and add them as they get older!! Basics: (when you have ANY children under 5) Kids are fed... Kids are clothed.... Kids are bathed.... Kids have some education... Vacuum..huh? Extras: (when all your kids are over 5) Kids are fed well... Kids are in clean clothes... Kids actually used shampoo during their bath time.... Kids completed 75% of their work.... Time for one load of laundry and kitchen sink is empty.... Vacuum once a week...toilets cleaned once a week...sheets changed monthly Extra Extras: (when all your kids are above 10) Kids helped clean dishes after each meal... Kids do their own laundry... Kids use too much shampoo...need to set aside a new budget for it... Kids completed 75% of their work without only 3 prompts... Took kids to 8 events and other lessons... Vacuum once a week....toilets cleaned when company comes over...sheets changed twice a month Extra Extra Extras: (when all your kids are teenagers) Kids start cooking 2 meals a week... Kids don't need laundry...they just rewear them until they have time to wash something and throw it in with your load. Kids need gas money... Kids get the stuff they need done for school... Vacuum has lasted 7 years...finally seeing regular use.... Furniture polish is a welcomed scent... When it all gets better: The floors are vacuumed daily, dishes are all tucked away in their spots...sheets are changed weekly, toilets are sparkling...smells amazingly clean and not a speck of dust anywhere... just waiting for the kids to come visit from college... Your dh needs to be reasonable..accept a clean house under the clutter...leave his temper at bay....get a grip...the goal is to love your children and teach them how to survive in this life...a clean house is a nice accent...but love, joy, grace are much more valuable....they will want to know a father who shared those rather than his obsession to have a perfect house. This time you have with your children now is just a season, make the most of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgr Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 (edited) First, I think he needs to be much less OCD on a clean house! You start with the basics and add them as they get older!! Basics: (when you have ANY children under 5) Kids are fed... Kids are clothed.... Kids are bathed.... Kids have some education... Vacuum..huh? Extras: (when all your kids are over 5) Kids are fed well... Kids are in clean clothes... Kids actually used shampoo during their bath time.... Kids completed 75% of their work.... Time for one load of laundry and kitchen sink is empty.... Vacuum once a week...toilets cleaned once a week...sheets changed monthly Extra Extras: (when all your kids are above 10) Kids helped clean dishes after each meal... Kids do their own laundry... Kids use too much shampoo...need to set aside a new budget for it... Kids completed 75% of their work without only 3 prompts... Took kids to 8 events and other lessons... Vacuum once a week....toilets cleaned when company comes over...sheets changed twice a month Extra Extra Extras: (when all your kids are teenagers) Kids start cooking 2 meals a week... Kids don't need laundry...they just rewear them until they have time to wash something and throw it in with your load. Kids need gas money... Kids get the stuff they need done for school... Vacuum has lasted 7 years...finally seeing regular use.... Furniture polish is a welcomed scent... When it all gets better: The floors are vacuumed daily, dishes are all tucked away in their spots...sheets are changed weekly, toilets are sparkling...smells amazingly clean and not a speck of dust anywhere... just waiting for the kids to come visit from college... Your dh needs to be reasonable..accept a clean house under the clutter...leave his temper at bay....get a grip...the goal is to love your children and teach them how to survive in this life...a clean house is a nice accent...but love, joy, grace are much more valuable....they will want to know a father who shared those rather than his obsession to have a perfect house. I wish we had a LIKE button :001_smile: :iagree: I think it's not just homeschooling that's hard - it's life with littles. Obviously, I'm echoing what others have said. You mentioned DH grew up in a very clean house; could it be he's passing along (totally unrealistic!) expectations or comments he's gotten from his parents/sister? I'm 9 years older than my brother, and our house growing up looked quite a bit different than mine now - but I spend every waking moment living in our home, along with a 6 yr old, a newly 4 yr old, and a 10 month old. "Tidy" is not a word that comes to mind.... If I don't greet my DH totally frazzled, I count that as a good day. :tongue_smilie: They say with littles, the days are long, but the years are short. So true! Please don't focus so much on your imagined shortcomings as a homemaker that you don't notice the miracle and sweetness of the little people at your knee. You know they grow up in a blink... And :grouphug: Edited April 29, 2012 by pgr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Lilac Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I saw the OP's response midway through the thread, and the gist of it was, well, today he helped out more, yay! You have got to change your way of thinking, girl.....he didn't help out anybody but himself, it's HIS family too. It's one thing to be appreciative of him being part of the team, but sometimes we tend to fall all over ourselves patting our husbands on the back when they do something that a trained monkey could do (and any decent partner SHOULD do.) I'm all for being thankful and appreciative, but get it clear in your head that he is NOT doing you a favor. This is a family that belongs to you both. I would HIGHLY recommend that he spend a lot more time alone with the kids trying to keep up the house. Nothing will give him a reality check quicker. And I don't mean just "hanging out" with the kids watching cartoons. You need to find somewhere to go for a day or two so he has to do school and the whole nine yards. If he walks a mile in your shoes, he might see things differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I would HIGHLY recommend that he spend a lot more time alone with the kids trying to keep up the house. Nothing will give him a reality check quicker. And I don't mean just "hanging out" with the kids watching cartoons. I agree. It is one thing to imagine, and another thing to do. And different kids behave differently. Cooking with my youngest child is very tricky, because this one is a climber who will bring a chair by the stove and start reaching for things and so forth. My older kids would just sit quietly on the floor and play! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I saw the OP's response midway through the thread, and the gist of it was, well, today he helped out more, yay! You have got to change your way of thinking, girl.....he didn't help out anybody but himself, it's HIS family too. It's one thing to be appreciative of him being part of the team, but sometimes we tend to fall all over ourselves patting our husbands on the back when they do something that a trained monkey could do (and any decent partner SHOULD do.) I'm all for being thankful and appreciative, but get it clear in your head that he is NOT doing you a favor. This is a family that belongs to you both. I would HIGHLY recommend that he spend a lot more time alone with the kids trying to keep up the house. Nothing will give him a reality check quicker. And I don't mean just "hanging out" with the kids watching cartoons. You need to find somewhere to go for a day or two so he has to do school and the whole nine yards. If he walks a mile in your shoes, he might see things differently. I think every husband needs this experience from time to time! Some things just have to be learned by experience--after all, that's how we mamas learned. I remember when I came home from the two days in the hospital after #3 was born my husband said to me: "I noticed that I could either take care of the kids or do the housework, but not both." --Fabulous insight! When I was pregnant with #4 I was working on a Master's degree and taking evening classes--it was immensely stressful for the whole family and I chose to quit after one semester, but there was a side benefit I hadn't predicted: dh had learned to come home from work and take care of the children all evening instead of just resting. It used to be he would disappear into the bedroom for several hours after he got home, now he most often sits down to read to the kids or takes them outside to play. We all learn so much from necessity... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertmum Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Do public teachers generally cook the meals served in the cafeteria then clean up? Do they clean the bathrooms at the school? Do they play nurse? Do they scrub the floors in the classroom? No. Because their job is to teach our kids. Imagine if they were expected to do all that too. How good of a job would they do teaching if that were the case? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Mine says "I work hard to pay for this house and you don't respect me enough to keep it clean". :confused: he also works to keep our kids fed and clothed and educated, all of which I'm responsible for too. :banghead: OP, you aren't alone in your experience. No mom finds this an easy time. And having a husband who thinks you should be able to do it all is tough. I have no doubt he's a good man (I know mine is). Like most things in marriage, a compromise needs to be reached to keep the peace. My mantra, BTW, is this too shall pass. Unfortunately, it didn't pass for us...and is causing BIG marital problems NOW. We no longer have little ones....so he keeps pointing out.....BUT, I also work almost full time from home in addition to homeschooling, cleaning etc. I think if I would have been more assertive, and less guilty about him working and supporting us while "I got to stay home and have fun and not have the decency to keep up with the dinner," sigh.......well, yeah...I also had 3 kids under 5 and very rough pregnancies. HOO BOY!!!! What a JOY!!!!! Anyway, I wish I had stood up for myself, because NOW, I am defeated, depressed and TOAST! I think it is important to discuss expectations....real ones vs. I think you mean.... I think it is important for men to be realistic in what it takes to homeschool and raise these little hooligans....and women to be realistic in their expectations as well. A guy who works midnight -9 12 days on 2 off....NEEDS to sleep, and needs a support system. Women who are up with a newborn need a support system too..... Women need to take care of themselves.....go for a haircut....buy new undies once in a while. I don't think " this too shall pass" is true, at least not in my circumstances. Taking the bull by the horns and shaking the cr@p out of it might work better. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I don't think " this too shall pass" is true, at least not in my circumstances. Taking the bull by the horns and shaking the cr@p out of it might work better. Faithe :grouphug: I agree. I wonder how much of an influence the mil is having on her son's expectations as well. If my husband listened to my mil, I would be in a situation similar to the OP's. Thankfully for me, my husband has always ignored the comments. He never considered it "babysitting" when he stayed home alone with the kids, didn't think that grocery shopping was my responsibility since he "put in a hard day at the office", and is happy with a peanut butter sandwich when I am too beat to worry about dinner - which still happens on occasion even though my kids are older now. As others have said, sending the oldest child to school is not going to solve this problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 My husband works from home two days per week so he sees what I do and don't do. I have also left him with all kids for a day, weekend, and he evn sent me to go relax with a friend in GA when our RAD was horrific. He knows what it takes, and although he loves his kids, he admits he can't stay home with them all day. I remember when one of the kids was a baby I went away for a day. I got home around dinnertime and he was still in sweats, hadn't showered, and he stood on the front porch with the baby. He immediately handed hm over to me and exclaimed, "How do you do it! I haven't even had time to shower yet!!!!". The boys were young enough so I wasn't even homeschooling yet. I simply don't think men like the ones spoken of here understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I didn't read the whole thread. Hopefully this will still make sense. First off :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I only know one home ed family with an immaculate home-- which is what dh is asking for. That home is cleaned each night by dh after everyone including mom is in bed. I spent a good year trying to figure out how my friend did it. Yes, she also does make great meals but she has tons of prepacked tricks up her sleeve. Also she worked in food service for a few years. No one woman can do what is being asked of you. As far as the in laws are concerned try to keep "tricks" up your sleeve. My dd could memorize very easily when she was little so I always had her work on a new poem immediately after a visit-- usually Robert Lewis Stevenson. I think they thought he was very high brow. That way we were ready for the next visit. Save a page of math to show and maybe one more thing that is well done. I actually kept a folder that my kids pulled out when they came. It is a sales pitch to the inlaws. Please remember that you have four young children and lots of responsibility. Do not blame yourself. This is way more then one person can do daily.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Lilac Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Just a peek at the long-term.....my mom was much more focused on keeping the house up than spending time with us. She'd come home from a long day at work, and when I ran to hug her, she'd put her hand out to stop me and say something like, "What are these shoes doing here? Get these things put away first!" Those things have stuck with me to this day, as a grown woman in my 30s. I made up my mind long ago that if anything had to fall by the wayside, it was going to be my house and not my relationships with my kids and family. Something WILL have to give if you try to do it all- and if he thinks the kids won't suffer any consequences when the house gets more of your energy than they do, he's kidding himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I haven't read a single reply, but I wanted to share one of the most interesting things that happened when I was homechooled. 1. My father, much like your husband, wanted to come home from work to a clean house. He was tollerant of the messes we made in our science projects. He was use to opening cupboards & us quickly telling him not to mind the moulding ick in jars it was an experiment. He was use to stacks of books everywhere, & the insanity that went along with being totally absorbed in projects, but none of it changes his opinion on how he would prefer the home to look. He came home one day when we'd been in the middle or helping rearrange the lounge room because we were moving a book case and a piano. We'd gotten waylaid because another homeschooler had popped in. We had books on all the sitting surfaces & he was horribly embaressed that the woman was perched on the edge of the sofa. It was not a grand evening in our home. 2. BUT.. something interesting happened. One year the local homeschool group had their annual graduation. The lady "in charge" sent out word via the eldest child in every home that there was going to be a special rose ceremony for the mums. The children & father were going to be given a rose by the homeschool group to give to their mum. The catch was you had to stand up on stage as a family & tell your Mum/Wife what you were most thankful for about her & the job she was doing. Many husbands got up there & said the same thing, "For taking the time to educate our children." Children said many of the same things, "for loving me & making learning fun." One father got up there & said something that took everyone by surprise. He went beyond "educating our children" to say, "I will never again care if the house is a mess. I will never again care if the dishes are done, or if we have to have cereal for dinner, or if we remembered to fetch the mail today. I have witnessed my family become more united & whole due to our journey. I have seen my children accomplish so much & love the journey they've taken. So I'm standing here to not only thank you for the love you give our family, but to publicly declare if you don't have time to keep up with the house.. I DON'T CARE, the EDUCATION of our children is far more important!" While my father never got up and made such a public declaration, he never came home from work & complained again about the insane pile of books stacked in the corner of the lounge, the piles stacked on the side tables. The projects jumbling up the kitchen counters, or the notebooks we might have forgotten to put away. Instead, I think he was able to see things from a different light because one brave man was able to stand up & say something that so many need to hear. Yes, homeschooling can be hard & keeping up with everything else can be hard too! Your children are still young, do they have chores? They might not be able to help with everything, but I bet they could help with a significant amount. I know a young homeschooling Mum who had four children. She couldn't do all the educating & keep the house clean. She hired me to clean her home so she could educate her children. I went in once a week & did a deep clean: vacuum, mop, dust, clean toilets, etc. Praying you & your husband can find the balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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