Today I made an appointment with a therapist...

[NorthwestMom]

Julie, I hope you went and it went well.

 

:grouphug:

[goldberry]

If it is a good therapist, you will be very glad you went through with it.

 

If it is not a good therapist, DO NOT GIVE UP, just try to find another.

 

:iagree: Don't give up if you don't mesh well with your therapist, and don't try to "stick it out" if you have a gut feeling that this is not the person for you. There are good and bad therapists out there, as well as therapists that are good, but have different approaches.

 

Start down the road....it's so hard at first but you won't be sorry. :grouphug:

[kwg]

:bigear: How did it go?

[Ottakee]

I realize I am behind the times here but do hope you went.

 

I was just going to mention something else---seeing the ages of your kids, is there any chance that you could be in peri menopause or menopause? If your hormones are out of wack you might be depressed, crying, etc.

 

My best friend just went through this last year. She thought she was crazy, crying all the time (and she is NOT a crier), irritable, little things were just too much to handle etc. Well, she got some hormone cream from the doctor and a short time later she was back to her old self.

 

You might need meds for depression and the therapist might help but if it might be hormones, have your doctor check that and address that as needed.

[Guest submarines]

Julie, I hope you went and it went well.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:Thinking of you. Please update when you can. :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

I did go. The therapist is very, very nice. Reassuring. Calming.

I did cry. Not buckets, and not super-ugly sobbing. Mostly delicate weeping, which I can live with.

She unpacked more of my family history than I anticipated for a first visit, but that was ok.

 

One thing that stood out for me was this: How would you react if someone said to your daughter the things you say to yourself? Yikes. I would be very, very angry if someone spoke to my dd the way I speak to myself. :001_huh:

 

So...I guess this is progress. I left the session thinking that I should go to Kohl's and buy a new booKshelf, because all but one of my others are rubbing a little sore spot where the wire ends. Then I thought that it's only because I'm so disgustingly fat that I have that problem, and I should go home instead of to Kohl's. THEN I thought about what I would do if someone told (or even implied to) my dd that she should just live with a raw sore on her booK because she's overweight, and that she deserves what she gets. :ohmy:

 

Yeah, that's not good thinking at all. I went to Kohl's. Starting tomorrow, I will no longer wear clothing that hurts and justify the mistreatment because I'm fat. Progress, right?

 

I made another appointment for next week, and I did tell her that I have a "financial timeframe" of about 10 sessions. She seems to think that I should probably take the Wellbutrin, in order to help the process along, since I have such a definite end date in mind. I'm still thinking it over.

 

Thanks for the support, friends. I would probably not have followed through without the encouragement, and so far, I'm glad I went. I have not cried since leaving her office about 5 hours ago. That's progress already.

 

Thanks again.

 

And again.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[JenniferB]

:D I've been thinking about you today. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I'm glad you did so well today -- and it's great news that you want to start valuing yourself more. :grouphug:

[readinmom]

So proud of you! :D

 

:grouphug:

 

I'll keep good thoughts for you...

[Julie in CA]

I was just going to mention something else---seeing the ages of your kids, is there any chance that you could be in peri menopause or menopause? If your hormones are out of wack you might be depressed, crying, etc.

 

My best friend just went through this last year. She thought she was crazy, crying all the time (and she is NOT a crier), irritable, little things were just too much to handle etc. Well, she got some hormone cream from the doctor and a short time later she was back to her old self.

 

You might need meds for depression and the therapist might help but if it might be hormones, have your doctor check that and address that as needed.

I just turned 43. My mom didn't hit that point until 50, but it's possible.

[Meriwether]

:grouphug: You did well today.

[NorthwestMom]

I'm so glad it went well and you are already benefitting from it. :grouphug:

[Hope in God]

Would you try a nutritional solution for part of the problem?

 

A good friend of mine was feeling depressed and she began taking 3 things:

 

St John's Wort

A good quality fish oil (such as Nordic Naturals)

Vitamin D3

 

She is feeling amazingly better. The relational things are harder but if you are able to come at them without extra emotions running around wild it will be much easier.

 

In the studies I have read St John's Wort was able to not only eliminate depresion and anxiey better than antidepressants but the patients also had far better 5 and 10 year outcomes.

[Mothersweets]

Julie, I'm so glad you went. :grouphug:

[tex-mex]

Julie, I'm so glad you went. :grouphug:

:iagree::grouphug::grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

I am so so glad that you went! Also that you were able to hear something that really resonated with you and to use it to change your thinking. Well done.

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

[Danestress]

and I love the framework for thinking about how you should talk to yourself - in comparison to what you want someone to say to your daughter.

 

You are precious, Julie - to lots of people and in the eyes of your creator.

[Catherine]

Believe me, if you do, it WON'T be the first time therapist has seen it. They will hand you tissues and wait for you to feel more calm. How great your life is won't be the issue-it will be how you are functioning and how you can feel and function better.

[kwg]

:D I am so glad you went :D

[Guest submarines]

I'm glad you did so well today -- and it's great news that you want to start valuing yourself more. :grouphug:

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[Parrothead]

I just turned 43. My mom didn't hit that point until 50, but it's possible.

Just want to say, yes. It is possible. My mom hit that point in her late 30s very early 40s, I'm mid 40s with it no where in sight. So it doesn't' always follow the preceding generation's schedule.

 

While you are on the wellness wagon, make an appointment for a complete work hormonal workup with your Gyn.

 

Oh, I'm very glad you went to the appointment. :grouphug:

[nono]

Wait, wait, wait. I'm so glad you went, and that it was a good start, but let's get to the important stuff: So, do you like the new bra?!! :D

 

 

 

 

(Given the tattered state of my unders, I've been driving very carefully lately...)

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: Glad you went! Thanks for sharing an update.

[Mrs Mungo]

and I love the framework for thinking about how you should talk to yourself - in comparison to what you want someone to say to your daughter.

 

You are precious, Julie - to lots of people and in the eyes of your creator.

 

I agree. :grouphug:

 

On an only partially related note, yesterday at the park I met a mom who sells bras throughout at-home parties. She measures people, has them try on sizes, etc to get a good fit.

[Tammyla]

I'm happy to hear your update.

 

Cont. prayers.:grouphug:

[jenL]

I'm SO proud of you, Julie! You've already made some great progress in just one session!!! And, good for you to already use what she said to take care of you by going to Kohls and getting what you need! You want this to work, so you will make it work, and it is with that where you will see success and a renewed sense of self on the road to happiness. WAY TO GO! :hurray:

[Jackie in NE]

Good job Julie. Already you're using the tools she's providing! Isn't it freeing to feel valued?! I hope today is good for you. I hope you continue good self-talk. I have so been were you are. Keep moving forward. Your life can be beautiful.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Starr]

:grouphug:

It can be scary to start to deal with our icky stuff.

Be brave.

Keep the appointment.

 

I've had my share of theraputic appointments. I went thru a horrendous depression, and so I know it can feel so overwhelming, and conflicting thoughts are totally normal.

 

The therapist will not judge you.

You will not the be "worst.case.ever!" or win the Flakey prize, trust me.

 

She or he will be there to listen, offer clarity, ask questions, etc., but the control of the appointment is up to you, really. She can't go deep without your permission, because she can't read your mind. She won't uncover anything you don't want to reveal, because, well, she can't read your mind! She may help you piece together motivations and reasons behind behavior, and give you something to think about, but really, it's ok. You can tell her if you feel she's going too fast or whatnot.

 

I think you are wise to go.

 

Focus on the bolded. Chris shares so generously. It doesn't have to last forever. :grouphug: Go to your appt.

[Scarlett]

Just want to say, yes. It is possible. My mom hit that point in her late 30s very early 40s, I'm mid 40s with it no where in sight. So it doesn't' always follow the preceding generation's schedule.

 

While you are on the wellness wagon, make an appointment for a complete work hormonal workup with your Gyn.

 

Oh, I'm very glad you went to the appointment. :grouphug:

 

I agree with everything...

 

I am 46 and haven't had a cycle in amost 3 years and my hormones were bouncing around (my gyn tested them) for a couple of years before that. I feel sooooo much better now.

 

I think menopause is coming earlier these days.

[Carol in Cal.]

Julie, you live in CA, so maybe there is a Bali outlet near you. That's where I shop when my wires start bursting through their little channels, which, BTW, has NOTHING to do with bust size and everything to do with simply wearing out from frequent use. They will measure you, suggest sizes, find you things to try on, and pamper you like Nordstrom, and then give you a big huge discount plus discount cards for the future. Hie thee to this home.

 

And BTW, really, try the borage oil. Perimenopause is real and it's worse (IME) emotionally than actual menopause.

[Julie in CA]

Wait, wait, wait. I'm so glad you went, and that it was a good start, but let's get to the important stuff: So, do you like the new bra?!! :D

 

 

 

 

(Given the tattered state of my unders, I've been driving very carefully lately...)

It's a Vanity Fair, and it's "Guaranteed to Fit", so it's pretty good, lol!

Actually, I tried a 38C and it wouldn't even reach across the back, and then I tried a 40C and it feels like the band is a little big. Feels a tiny bit like if I reach up high my booKs might ooze out the bottom a little, but IT DOESN'T POKE ME IN THE SIDE. {whew!}

I've been measured by the pros multiple times, and no matter what, if I go with a size that fits correctly everywhere, it ends up poking me, even if the wire isn't sticking out. I think I must be oddly shaped a little bit. Anyway, this one may not fit perfectly, but it doesn't leave me with a raw, rubbed spot on the side. :001_huh:

[Ottakee]

I can NOT wear an underwire without it poking me. I have a Warner one that is pretty good and the Bali double support have been pretty good as well. Even a sports bra might give you good support (just don't go for the uniboob look :-))

 

Take care of yourself.

[Carol in Cal.]

It's a Vanity Fair, and it's "Guaranteed to Fit", so it's pretty good, lol!

Actually, I tried a 38C and it wouldn't even reach across the back, and then I tried a 40C and it feels like the band is a little big. Feels a tiny bit like if I reach up high my booKs might ooze out the bottom a little, but IT DOESN'T POKE ME IN THE SIDE. {whew!}

I've been measured by the pros multiple times, and no matter what, if I go with a size that fits correctly everywhere, it ends up poking me, even if the wire isn't sticking out. I think I must be oddly shaped a little bit. Anyway, this one may not fit perfectly, but it doesn't leave me with a raw, rubbed spot on the side. :001_huh:

 

Would you let your daughter call herself oddly shaped? What is odd is bras. They are all different. There is no norm. Most women have two different sized items. Most women have variation in sizes with weight and hormones and function. You can do better than this! Go a little bigger and tighten the straps. Or switch to those overnight nursing bras that are just basically cotton slings with a little elastic. Try another brand. Try two. But don't call yourself odd!

[KS_]

It's a Vanity Fair, and it's "Guaranteed to Fit", so it's pretty good, lol!

Actually, I tried a 38C and it wouldn't even reach across the back, and then I tried a 40C and it feels like the band is a little big. Feels a tiny bit like if I reach up high my booKs might ooze out the bottom a little, but IT DOESN'T POKE ME IN THE SIDE. {whew!}

I've been measured by the pros multiple times, and no matter what, if I go with a size that fits correctly everywhere, it ends up poking me, even if the wire isn't sticking out. I think I must be oddly shaped a little bit. Anyway, this one may not fit perfectly, but it doesn't leave me with a raw, rubbed spot on the side. :001_huh:

 

You might look into Decent Exposures - I have some underwire bras that I sometimes wear, but these are my staple bras. No wires, supportive, but very comfortable, and they will refit them for you for free (you order the size you think you need, get it and try it on and if it needs adjustments, you can send it back for free. They'll also take the bra back if you get it and just decide you don't like it.)

 

http://decentexposures.com/

[Denisemomof4]

I agree with everything...

 

I am 46 and haven't had a cycle in amost 3 years and my hormones were bouncing around (my gyn tested them) for a couple of years before that. I feel sooooo much better now.

 

I think menopause is coming earlier these days.

 

I wish. :glare: I'm almost 49. I've had a few meltdowns in the past year that were totally uncharacteristic of me. I need to get to the gyn...............

 

Julie, so glad you went!!!

[Denisemomof4]

It's a Vanity Fair, and it's "Guaranteed to Fit", so it's pretty good, lol!

Actually, I tried a 38C and it wouldn't even reach across the back, and then I tried a 40C and it feels like the band is a little big. Feels a tiny bit like if I reach up high my booKs might ooze out the bottom a little, but IT DOESN'T POKE ME IN THE SIDE. {whew!}

I've been measured by the pros multiple times, and no matter what, if I go with a size that fits correctly everywhere, it ends up poking me, even if the wire isn't sticking out. I think I must be oddly shaped a little bit. Anyway, this one may not fit perfectly, but it doesn't leave me with a raw, rubbed spot on the side. :001_huh:

 

 

I have RIPPED those wires out and continued to wear the bra in comfort. I hate underwires but it's all that's really out there.

 

I only have one COMFORTABLE bra left. The puppy chewed the straps off my others. I keep saying I'm going to go to Kohls and get more.................... shopping for bras is something I D E T E S T.

[Pink Fairy]

:grouphug: :party: :grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

I wish I lived closer to you. :001_smile:

 

:grouphug:

 

Lara

[atara]

I would also suggest finding a good naturopath in your area in addition to therapy - before going on a pharmaceutical drug. Good luck!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fduMpYhv1_M

[Julie in CA]

Well, it's been a couple of days since my first appointment.

I have only cried a couple of times since then, and only a welling up of tears for a moment, and never "lie-in-your-bed-sobbing-for-an-hour-or-two" crying.

 

This is better already. I'm pretty confident that my ten week time frame will be more than I need in order to make some real progress.

 

I'm also reading a book recommended by my doc, and it's helping:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332553910&sr=8-1

[VeganCupcake]

Well, it's been a couple of days since my first appointment.

I have only cried a couple of times since then, and only a welling up of tears for a moment, and never "lie-in-your-bed-sobbing-for-an-hour-or-two" crying.

 

This is better already. I'm pretty confident that my ten week time frame will be more than I need in order to make some real progress.

 

I'm also reading a book recommended by my doc, and it's helping:

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332553910&sr=8-1

 

That is such a good book. A therapist recommended it to me and others I know, too. It has excellent strategies in it that have really made a difference.

 

I am so glad you're doing better. :grouphug:

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: i am so glad you went! thanks for the update..... are you going to go weekly or ??? its a journey, and i'm glad it started off so well :001_smile:

 

ann

 

eta: with that book, it works way better if you actually do the journalling/written work, and not just read thru it.... i'm always tempted to cut to the chase, and for this, it works way better if you don't...

Edited March 24, 2012 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[*********]

Julie, so glad to read your updates!

 

I continue to pray for you. :001_smile:

 

And that's wonderful advice your therapist gave you. Of course you'd never want anyone to say those things about your daughter. Well, you are a precious, beloved daughter of the Most High God. He loves you with an unending love. He loves you MORE than you love your daughter.

 

May the Lord continue to grant you healing. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I have RIPPED those wires out and continued to wear the bra in comfort. I hate underwires but it's all that's really out there.

 

 

I do this, too. Once they start to poke I pull out the wires but keep on using them. It's actually better for somewhat lower cut necklines to have everything shifted a bit to the south.