S/O spouse traveling

[Parrothead]

I'm curious about how long people have been married and how they view a spouse traveling for work. Dh and I have been married for a while and if he were to have to go on an extended work related trip (4 or more weeks) I'd be packing for him and planning my vacation accordingly. :D

 

Truly the only time I don't like him being gone for a week or 12 is when he has to be gone during holidays.

[Anne in CA]

My dh does not travel much now, but I did not mind much when he did. I think it gives us more breathing room and some time to have experiences to "share" with each other later.

 

We have been married almost 21 years. The last year he worked for a large corporation we spent more than four months of that year apart, and our marriage was fine. Our kids missed him though, and we wouldn't put ourselves in that exact position again.

[Daisy]

We've been married 17 years and neither of us would be thrilled with extended travel.

 

My husband just about went crazy the 2 weeks the kids and I were gone to see my parents last May. I missed him, too.

 

4+ weeks would be miserable for both of us.

[Bluegoat]

My dh is away a lot - he goes on three month legs to a remote island for work, so he is there six months in the year. When he's home he is usually working in an office but he'll have a few conferences a year, maybe four days or a week. He's going to Vancouver this month.

 

We've been married nine years and he's been on this work scheduled about four years I guess. Before that he was sometimes away for as long as a month.

 

I don't take a vacation when he's gone - I have to hold down the fort.

[Murphy101]

My dh is currently on week 2 in another state, tho he came home for the weekend.

 

Neither of us are happy about it. It is something that we endure. He calls every night.

 

If he had to be gone for more than a month, we would be looking at traveling some of that time with him if at all possible. He wouldn't take a job that required that on a regular basis unless he was disparate for employment.

 

We didn't get married to be alone.;)

[*********]

We've been married ten years. Dh may have opportinity to travel to India for work. It would probably be at least 2 weeks, I'd think.

 

I encourage him to go. It would be great; I'd hate him to miss out on that experience because of me and the boys. Yes, we'd miss him.

 

But if it were a regular thing, that'd be different. It would depend on the lenth and frequency of travel.

[Riverland]

nm

[iquilt]

He travels a lot but we sometimes join him on his trips if we are interested in the location.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dh rarely travels for work. When he does, it is usually one or two nights. Since we are so accustomed to him being part of our routine when he comes home from work, it would be a major change in our lifestyle. More chauffeuring for me, more dog walking for me, more household chores for me. The kids help, but they also have school to do.

[elise1mds]

We've been married 11.something years - 12 years this summer. I wouldn't have a problem with DH being gone for weeks at a time for work. I'd miss him, sure, but his current job (that he's been at for six years) sometimes requires travel and I'll be honest - the kids and I have a routine that we follow whether he's here or not. They like it when he is here, and so do I, but we can deal with him being gone without major issues.

 

Now, the annual cruise he takes each spring for 'work' still gets under my skin, but that's a whole different post.

[NotAVampireLvr]

My husband travels on average about 8 weeks a year. We're good with it here... At the beginning of our marriage it was rough, but we've gotten over that hump now. One perk to HSng is that if he's going to be gone a couple weeks we can go with him. :) But, for the most part I'd prefer to stay home and within our routine.

[Murphy101]

I think my dh would be very very hurt if I viewed his being away as a vacation to look forward to. As it is he gets mildly annoyed if I tease him about having a bed to himself and not waking up 3 times a night for various kids or pets. That would really hurt my feelings too.

 

The trips don't hurt our marriage. We just aren't as happy when we are apart. I don't like being a solo parent. He doesn't like missing everything going on with the kids.

[TN Mama]

I voted that we've been married 10-15 years and that we're ok with travel. My dh is military and we've spent much time apart. It isn't ideal, we actually dislike it quite a bit, but we deal with it.

 

Dh has not been overseas (aside from teaching a 3 week course in Hawaii) during our marriage, but had to live/work in another state. The longest we went without seeing each other was 8 weeks and it was just awful.

 

Even though we've gone through longer separations, the 2 week training classes he's been to recently are hard for me.

[tammyw]

We've been married almost 13 years, and the first six years of our marriage, he was gone a lot - deployments of 6 and 7 months plus a lot of stuff in between. Now that we are past all of that, I would never want to endure it again.

 

I don't mind a week here or there, but I wouldn't want it to be a regular thing.

[TN Mama]

The trips don't hurt our marriage. We just aren't as happy when we are apart. I don't like being a solo parent. He doesn't like missing everything going on with the kids.

 

:iagree:

[Sarah CB]

My dh is away a few days every week. I would rather have him home. Sometimes he does longer trips, but I don't think he's ever been gone longer than 2 weeks and that seemed like an eternity. When dh is somewhere that is easy for us to travel to and is gone for longer than a few days we try to tag along with him.

 

I would never kick up a fuss about dh's work travel. I am grateful for the job he has and I know how hard it is for him to be away from us so I support him by being positive about his travel.

[Tree House Academy]

When my dh has to travel, he has to travel...whether I am "okay" with it or not. Unfortunately, it is a pretty common occurrance around here and we have gotten so used to it that sometimes it is actually easier when he isn't here. That sounds bad, doesn't it? LOL

 

ETA: While traveling is common, traveling for 4+ weeks at a time is NOT. Usually it is days/a week.

[3peasinWa]

I always scratch my head when I hear a wife say she doesn't know how she's going to cope with her husband gone - & then find out he was gone for a weekend!!

I just live in a different world. Where my dh is gone a lot & I can't come with him. I am glad when he tells me he'll be back in 2 weeks b/c that's a short trip.

[rieshy]

We've been married 24 years. Dh used to travel quite a bit, longest time away for one trip was 7 1/2 weeks. That wasn't ideal. I also didn't like it when he was gone for short trips several times a month- it was too hard to get into a routine.

 

However, I love it when he's gone for a week just a few times a year. Which is basically his schedule now. I usually try to surprise him by accomplishing a big project while he's gone. The kids always get in on it too.

 

I love the time to myself for the first couple of days and then I love missing him for a couple more days. Then I love welcoming him home:001_smile:

 

Now separate vacations wouldn't fly with either of us.

[Parrothead]

We've been married 11.something years - 12 years this summer. I wouldn't have a problem with DH being gone for weeks at a time for work. I'd miss him, sure, but his current job (that he's been at for six years) sometimes requires travel and I'll be honest - the kids and I have a routine that we follow whether he's here or not. They like it when he is here, and so do I, but we can deal with him being gone without major issues.

 

Now, the annual cruise he takes each spring for 'work' still gets under my skin, but that's a whole different post.

This is the way I look at it too. Dd and I get to do things we normally wouldn't do (eat eggs for dinner, stay in PJs all day) when he is home.

 

I think I'd feel differently if it were a cruise or a more party like situation.

[Guest submarines]

I'm curious about how long people have been married and how they view a spouse traveling for work. Dh and I have been married for a while and if he were to have to go on an extended work related trip (4 or more weeks) I'd be packing for him and planning my vacation accordingly. :D

 

Truly the only time I don't like him being gone for a week or 12 is when he has to be gone during holidays.

 

:iagree::D

[angela in ohio]

We've been married 15 years. I would not be okay with an extended trip. If one of us has to be gone overnight, we are both sad.

[Parrothead]

I think my dh would be very very hurt if I viewed his being away as a vacation to look forward to. As it is he gets mildly annoyed if I tease him about having a bed to himself and not waking up 3 times a night for various kids or pets. That would really hurt my feelings too.

 

The trips don't hurt our marriage. We just aren't as happy when we are apart. I don't like being a solo parent. He doesn't like missing everything going on with the kids.

Things are different when dh is home. Less spontaneity. When he is traveling for work dd and I do different things. When he travels he is seeing places, meeting people, doing things outside the norm. I take advantage of it as best I can to do things differently and make the time fun.

[Parrothead]

I always scratch my head when I hear a wife say she doesn't know how she's going to cope with her husband gone - & then find out he was gone for a weekend!!

I just live in a different world. Where my dh is gone a lot & I can't come with him. I am glad when he tells me he'll be back in 2 weeks b/c that's a short trip.

For us it comes with the territory. Dh was gone for almost 5 months for training 2 years into our marriage. Then we were apart for almost a year when he first EOD'd. He had to pass two tests several months apart. If he went into work and did not pass he would have walked out jobless. So I stayed behind and held on to my job until he passed the second test.

[elinnea]

We've been married 15 years and for about the past ten years dh's job has required him to travel, mostly overseas. He can be gone anywhere from two to ten weeks at a time. The average is about three but he does a lot of back to back trips where he'll leave and then come back for the weekend and then leave again. Last year he travelled 280 days. We've also had to live apart because of his job for about a year and a half.

 

I like dh's travelling less and less each year. I can manage just fine but I'm getting pretty burnt out. It would be great to have dh around to help with the house and kids more often and so I could have a break!

Edited February 14, 2012 by elinnea

[TheReader]

We'll have our 15th anniversary later (much later) this year, and my dh does travel for work but so far the longest he's had to be gone at one stretch is 10 days and that was absolutely no fun, at all.

 

Four weeks would be pure torture, for oh so many reasons.

 

I wonder if a better question would be "my youngest child is _____ and I would be okay/not okay with an extended trip away." ??

 

I know for me, certain aspects would be much easier to deal with if my youngest were older and also more compliant. I'd still miss him like crazy and those aspects would be harder than heck the longer he was gone, but I'd be more okay if the little one was older/easier.

[TN Mama]

I always scratch my head when I hear a wife say she doesn't know how she's going to cope with her husband gone - & then find out he was gone for a weekend!!

I just live in a different world. Where my dh is gone a lot & I can't come with him. I am glad when he tells me he'll be back in 2 weeks b/c that's a short trip.

 

I used to feel the same way, but not every house runs the way ours does. I'm pretty independent and because my husband had to be away a lot, most of the house/kid duties were my own. So, if dh was gone for a weekend, or a week, we just kept right on doing our thing.

 

But for a family where the dad routinely helps with bathtime or takes kids to school or makes supper or (fill in the blank), I can see where even a weekend could throw a wrench into how peaceful a home runs.

[Shellers]

My DH worked in the jungles of Indonesia for 10 years. He would work 28 on and 28 off, but would have to travel on his days off. We really didn't mind it and he never missed the births of any of our kids. He called and emailed everyday. Having 20+ paid days off every other month is hard to beat.

 

Now he's working M-F and he's on call 24/7. He also works a lot on weekends, but most of the time we get to go with him.

 

A few years ago he worked 90 days in a row consulting. He was working two hours from the nearest town and couldn't be away from the rig he was watching for more than an hour or so. Every weekend I would leave home and drive four hours to the grocery store closest to him, do his shopping for the week, and then drive another two hours to take the food out to him.

 

ETA: We have been married almost 17 years. He worked overseas the first 10 years we were married.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Shellers

[Alte Veste Academy]

As an Army wife, 4 weeks is a cakewalk for me. :lol: I never like it when he is gone but it is a fact of life. We have been married for 15 years and he has been gone for 7 months twice, 1 year twice, and 15 months once. Honestly, I don't even count the many short trips he makes during a normal year, when he is in the field (2-4 weeks at a time) or TDY (a week or so at a time)...or the year before last when his unit kept rotating in and out to support a unit in a neighboring state for a month at a time (I think he did that 4 times that year). Oh, and NTC for 4-5 weeks once every year and half or so. He has been home from Iraq for less than 2 months and is about to go TDY to go to port. It just goes with the territory.

 

So, yeah. Four weeks is a cakewalk. :lol:

[danybug]

We are the 7-10 range and I voted I would not be okay. We would not want our family to be a part for an extended time. Dh had to go for a 2 day business trip a few weeks ago and we all hated it. He was trying to figure ways for us to tag along. I guess we all just like to spend all of our time together :001_smile:

[jillian]

We are going on 6 years married this year and as a military family I'm very used to him being gone, this is the first time he's been gone without being on a boat for work. He comes home this weekend and it's been 9 weeks. He's come home three times. Once at Christmas, once in the beginning of January and just this last weekend because dd was in the hospital.

[Paige]

We've been married for almost 15yrs and DH sometimes travels a lot and sometimes not so much. I find that trips that last longer than 1 week are much easier to handle than frequent trips of less than a week. The hardest part is always the first few days but after that we can get a routine going very well. I hate when he is coming and going all the time and our routine is constantly being disrupted. I think that separation seems harder when it is new and you aren't used to it. I used to freak out about week long trips and now it is really no big deal.

[the evolving homemaker]

WOW. All you Mom's dealing with these extended times away is truly amazing. I spent 6 months in Australia while we were still dating and we almost didn't make it through that. I had changed on my trip. It was hard to come back after that, we have since been married for almost 9 years.

 

My husband isn't gone on trips that often, maybe an overnight-er every couple of months, the most has been five days maybe 2 times/yr. But he works a TON and is here, but not 'here'. When he is gone/busy we just get on with our lives. I think he sometimes gets jealous of the perceived fun we have, but we can't wait around for him to be available to do stuff. That isn't fair to the kids.

 

I have a TON of fear around him not being here at night because a townhouse I lived in once was broken into while I was asleep upstairs. Now it scares the heck out of me to be alone in the house with the kids. But we alarm it and have two big LOUD dogs. That helps. And I am getting better. I am so tired these days it is hard to stay awake even when I want to! lol

[Ellie]

We celebrated our 37th anniversary last November. :D Mr. Ellie rarely travels any more, but there was a time when he traveled *some,* and once he was gone for six weeks...to Australia...and we didn't get to go because of other things happening in our lives. :glare:

 

But such is life. A job is a job, and if that job has to take him away for awhile, well, such is life. :)

[LibraryLover]

How do I feel about it? Do I like it? I don't really like it, and I don't feel great about it. But it is what he often does.

 

We have a house alarm, neighbors, and dogs, but I would have those anyway, travel or not.

Edited February 15, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Murphy101]

Things are different when dh is home. Less spontaneity. When he is traveling for work dd and I do different things. When he travels he is seeing places, meeting people, doing things outside the norm. I take advantage of it as best I can to do things differently and make the time fun.

 

I wasn't judging anyone, just saying our experience.

 

Dh travels 30-40% of the time. We do the opposite of you. We change things and have fun when dh comes home. Little mini celebrations.:)

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

My husband has always traveled as part of his work. Sometimes we have great fun when joining him and other times we stay home. It is just part of life.

[Bluegoat]

I have a TON of fear around him not being here at night because a townhouse I lived in once was broken into while I was asleep upstairs. Now it scares the heck out of me to be alone in the house with the kids. But we alarm it and have two big LOUD dogs. That helps. And I am getting better. I am so tired these days it is hard to stay awake even when I want to! lol

 

This is why we have a big, loud dog. A much better deterrent to break-ins than dh is!

[edelweiss]

My DH travels a good bit. During his "busy seasons" (about 4-5 months of the year), he is typically gone 3-5 days each week. He is always home on the weekends though. I really don't mind all of this travel. When it isn't one of his busy times, he is home with us (he owns his own business and works from home, so when I say that he is home, he is really home :D), so that helps offset the travel. ;) Also, DH makes a very good living. It wouldn't be possible without the travel. That alone makes it worth it. :001_smile:

 

I wouldn't love it if he had to be gone for four weeks at one time, because we'd miss him so much, but I'd be fine. Honestly, I would probably pack up the girls and take a vacation of our own, or we'd just join DH wherever he was for part of the time. DH just told me that he will be going to Florida in a few weeks. We're threatening to go with him (for the Florida warmth, not because we can't stand 4 days apart from him :lol:). If we hadn't just returned from a cruise, I would seriously do it. ;)

[Princess Peach]

DH only has to travel once a year for one week. I hate it. He is my best friend and when he's gone, it stinks. I have trouble sleeping, too. We've been married 13+ years.

[kewb]

We have been married almost 20 years now. Since day one if he had to travel for business-short or extended I supported it. I may not have always been happy about it but I never made his life difficult or unpleasant because of it. It was a requirement of his job. He did the travel and when it reached levels he didn't like he looked for other employment. If the alternative was possible loss of job/opportunities then I rolled with it.

[Parrothead]

We'll have our 15th anniversary later (much later) this year, and my dh does travel for work but so far the longest he's had to be gone at one stretch is 10 days and that was absolutely no fun, at all.

 

Four weeks would be pure torture, for oh so many reasons.

 

I wonder if a better question would be "my youngest child is _____ and I would be okay/not okay with an extended trip away." ??

 

I know for me, certain aspects would be much easier to deal with if my youngest were older and also more compliant. I'd still miss him like crazy and those aspects would be harder than heck the longer he was gone, but I'd be more okay if the little one was older/easier.

I thought of that too. I also wondered if it is a matter of being married later in life. I married dh when I was in my early 30s so I was okay with being alone before I met him.

[DaffodilDreams]

I used to travel overseas for work for that long and then some about 4 times a year, so I would have no choice but to "suck it up, buttercup" and be okay with it. He never once complained about my trips. I'd probably be okay with two weeks max. Four or more would be hard, but I wouldn't complain. We were sort of apart for about three months at one point when I was still in East TN and he was here working already and looking for a house. But, we saw each other almost every weekend. That was doable, so a week isn't bad. I do think it's more difficult for the person left behind because life goes on as normal. The person traveling has the benefit of new scenery, new experiences, and doesn't have to worry about the daily functioning of a home. Hotel living was quite nice way back when!

 

ETA: I meant to add we've been married for 16 years.

Edited February 14, 2012 by kimmie38017

[Parrothead]

We are going on 6 years married this year and as a military family I'm very used to him being gone, this is the first time he's been gone without being on a boat for work. He comes home this weekend and it's been 9 weeks. He's come home three times. Once at Christmas, once in the beginning of January and just this last weekend because dd was in the hospital.

I hope she is doing okay now.

[Parrothead]

I wasn't judging anyone, just saying our experience.

 

Dh travels 30-40% of the time. We do the opposite of you. We change things and have fun when dh comes home. Little mini celebrations.:)

Where is that tone smiley?;)

[SweetMissMagnolia]

dh used to go to "dets" with his job for weeks at a time-but that changed when we got married he hasn't gone on one since 2000 when we were dating--I joke with him that he can "go on a det every now and then" (the money is more if he goes) LOL but he says he doesn't want to be away from his family....fine with me--I mean if we were really struggling financially I'm sure he would go if we needed it but we're OK....he says that the atmosphere on dets is for single people or for people who wish they were single (alot of drinking-some rumors of cheating etc )

[Scuff]

We' e been married 12 yrs and I would support him, but not prefer it. How's that for an answer. :)

[jillian]

I hope she is doing okay now.

She's doing better. I have my grandmother coming to help me get things back to a normal...my house is a disaster. When we went to the pediatrician we weren't expecting a referral to the ER who then said we are admitting you for a week. She is acting normal but needs to take Naproxen for 3 weeks and then also have weekly blood draws to check her inflammation (Which when we were admitted was over 6x the amount it should've been) Her numbers should've been in the 20s or less, they were over 120 upon admission. They dropped to 4x the amount when we were discharged. So far so good but I'm paranoid something more is going to happen.

 

Sorry for the threadjack.

[Mynyel]

I would be fine with it. :)

[mamajag]

I'm curious about how long people have been married and how they view a spouse traveling for work. Dh and I have been married for a while and if he were to have to go on an extended work related trip (4 or more weeks) I'd be packing for him and planning my vacation accordingly. :D

 

Truly the only time I don't like him being gone for a week or 12 is when he has to be gone during holidays.

 

My DH works in the oil field on a 14/14 rotation, so we only see each other half the year. We've been married for 14 years, and before the oil field, he worked construction and was home a weekend every 3 weeks. I guess we're just used to it. The kids don't know anything other than the oil field rotation, and they love having him home and fully available half the month.

 

Last year he was hired on by a major, and he had to take classes on most of the days he was home for 6 months. We piled up and went with because we are very protective of his time home. We got to experience a lot of things together as a family and there were many homeschooling opportunities. It got tiring in the end, and I'm so glad I don't have to travel with him any more!

 

We joke that if he quit the oilfield we'd drive each other nuts. We're more like cats than dogs and enjoy our time apart, too.