HELP ME! How DO I Ask Without Offending the Other Mom/Party Host?

[TranquilMind]

I'm not often unable to express myself, but feel a bit uncertain. My 15 year old wants to go to a 16 year old party for another girl at her school tonight. She knows the girl somewhat but they aren't really close. I do not know the other Mom at all. She doesn't go to a whole lot of things and is generally a good level-headed kid, but I know that being 15 and wanting to fit in may bring up issues.

 

Here's the problem. This party starts at a mall and migrates to a hotel where they are to spend the night. Boys and girls are coming to the party, though my daughter says only girls are spending the night. Of course, I need to know if this means there will be supervision! To me, supervision means right there with the girls. To some Moms, supervision may mean down at the bar tossing back some drinks while the girls are in the room, running the hotel, at the pool, whatever. The Mom is not married and is going with a friend to be at this event, I'm told.

 

Some parents also think it is fine for their underage kids to drink so long as they are not going to drive. My husband and I do not.

 

There are some questionable things on the Facebook pages of some of the involved parties that concern me. Things about sexual experimentation, etc (in general, not about this party).

 

So....How do I politely inquire what the plan is for the evening. We have already decided she won't spend the night, but we will pick her up later in the evening and she's actually ok with this as she doesn't do well without sleep.

 

I need to know:

 

Will you be with the girls supervising the party or will you be at the bar with your friend just in the hotel?

 

Will you permit alcohol/smoking/weed at the party since it is at the hotel and no girls will be driving?

 

Will boys be in the hotel room (though I'm not sure that the elimination of them will eliminate sexual behavior from what I've read, if you know what I mean) or will they be leaving after the party at the arcade?

 

Help? Any delicate ways to ask these questions? She isn't staying all night so maybe it doesn't matter but she wants to stay long enough to go use the hotel pool.

 

I realize that some of you would just say no, and that ultimately may be what happens after talking to the other Mom, but at this point we were planning to let her meet the kids at the arcade and stay for awhile then pick up late. If you were going to do this, how would you approach it? All advice welcome. Thanks.

[elfgivas]

none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now).

 

and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either.

 

some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another.

 

sorry.

ann

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I would just simply ask the mom exactly what the plans for the hotel are, since your daughter has never been to a hotel party before. I think you could ask any of your questions without seeming overprotective or nutty.

[AimeeM]

I will likely be the odd man out, but as I do not know the other parent personally (not to mention the venue - yikes!), and I am already uneasy because of the facebook posts of the parties involved, I would GENTLY make other plans for my daughter (ie she wouldn't be going to the party - no questions asked of the mother).

I would make alternative, fun plans with my daughter, and suggest that she host a 5-10 girl slumber party AT OUR HOME a couple weeks later.

[OrganicAnn]

I would begin by asking if there is any additional cost or if your teen needs to bring money to pay for anything - dinner, snacks. Then go into "there seems to be a lot of things going on at the party, could you tell me more about the schedule of events" Keep it open ended and let the other mother talk. Often if you allow enough silence, the other person will keep talking and tell you everything you want to know. But I would be prepared to ask specific questions. Obvious there are more diplomatic ways to ask than others. "Will you be with the girls the whole evening?" vs "Will you be going off drinking and carousing during the party?"

[MHowell]

I would just simply ask the mom exactly what the plans for the hotel are, since your daughter has never been to a hotel party before. I think you could ask any of your questions without seeming overprotective or nutty.

 

:iagree:

 

I think the questions and how they will be received will all be in the tone you use to ask them. I agree starting off with a "Wow my daughter has never been to a hotel party before! What's it going to be like?!" would make it seem much more friendly than a "What's going to happen tonight at this party?" SWIM?

 

HTH :) Good luck, sounds like a hard decision to make!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If I wanted her to be part of this at all, I'd allow the mall portion only. She doesn't have to make a big fuss about bowing out of the hotel party, just "Something came up, Mom's picking me up at the arcade at 9."

 

She'll hear from the others later how the rest of the evening went, and then you'll both know for sure what she was spared.

[Paintedlady]

I wouldn't ask, and my kid wouldn't be going. Too much potential for serious consequences given the circumstances you're describing. If I knew mom very well, I might reconsider, but I doubt it.

[mirth]

Of course, I need to know if this means there will be supervision! To me, supervision means right there with the girls. To some Moms, supervision may mean down at the bar tossing back some drinks while the girls are in the room, running the hotel, at the pool, whatever.advice welcome.

 

This kind of party is so weird, that I would type the above (in a text message or email, or facebook) just to make sure.

 

Even though you dd is not staying, I would also be curious who will be issued keys for the room.

[Joanne]

If by "gently" or "delicately", you mean find a way to ask that is not uncomfortable for both "sides", there is none.

 

I think it's reasonable to find a way for your dd to attend this party within your family culture rules and to ask the specifics you list. Remember to keep it to this party, and not concerns about FB or sexual experimentation you've heard about.

 

But expect the conversation to be awkward. You are having an intrusive (appropriately, but still intrusive), intimate conversation about parenting with a stranger. Weird, yes?

[mom4him]

none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now).

 

and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either.

 

some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another.

 

sorry.

ann

 

:iagree:

[TranquilMind]

I would begin by asking if there is any additional cost or if your teen needs to bring money to pay for anything - dinner, snacks. Then go into "there seems to be a lot of things going on at the party, could you tell me more about the schedule of events" Keep it open ended and let the other mother talk. Often if you allow enough silence, the other person will keep talking and tell you everything you want to know. But I would be prepared to ask specific questions. Obvious there are more diplomatic ways to ask than others. "Will you be with the girls the whole evening?" vs "Will you be going off drinking and carousing during the party?"

This is very helpful! Thanks. Yes, I am having difficulty phrasing questions so they don't sound judgmental but get me the information I need.

 

I'm really leaning toward arcade only.

[TranquilMind]

I would just simply ask the mom exactly what the plans for the hotel are, since your daughter has never been to a hotel party before. I think you could ask any of your questions without seeming overprotective or nutty.

 

Well, it depends. According to my daughter, of course, NO other parents are even calling or concerned that their daughters are doing this (yeah, right).

 

I'm always framed as the completely ridiculous overprotective one. That's just what she does.

 

I have always followed my gut and my gut is pinging on this one.

[TranquilMind]

none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now).

 

and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either.

 

some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another.

 

sorry.

ann

Yeah, I know. I would have said that too, and certainly back when your kids were younger. Today, it seems like these things are more common.

 

Fine line between automatic no, which I try to avoid as they get older, and no with a justifiable parental reason.

[TranquilMind]

I will likely be the odd man out, but as I do not know the other parent personally (not to mention the venue - yikes!), and I am already uneasy because of the facebook posts of the parties involved, I would GENTLY make other plans for my daughter (ie she wouldn't be going to the party - no questions asked of the mother).

I would make alternative, fun plans with my daughter, and suggest that she host a 5-10 girl slumber party AT OUR HOME a couple weeks later.

It won't work that way, but thanks. If I try to bait and switch her at this last moment, we will not have a pleasant evening. I do try to reserve judgment until I gain information (which I have just been doing today, hence this post). I only found out about the party a couple of days ago. No one sends invitations anymore.

 

It's all Facebook now.

 

I do appreciate your suggestion about having a party herself in a couple of weeks. That's a good idea.

[Tigger]

I do think you have a right to ask about the party and adult supervision - I think the way you ask will help you get answers without offending.

 

Will you be with the girls supervising the party or will you be at the bar with your friend just in the hotel?

 

If you were to ask me this, I'd be highly offended - one I don't usually drink and two I don't usually hang at bars....so a way to ask without offending might to "will you be supervising the party or will you be around at the hotel, but not always with the kids?.....and will there be adult supervision while the girls are at the pool? May I ask what adults will be supervising?

 

Will you permit alcohol/smoking/weed at the party since it is at the hotel and no girls will be driving?

 

Again, you're approaching this with it sounding like you've already made that assumption....a nicer way to ask would be maybe saying that given your daughter's age, you have some concerns, what steps are being taken to ensure no underage drinking or smoking?

 

Will boys be in the hotel room (though I'm not sure that the elimination of them will eliminate sexual behavior from what I've read, if you know what I mean) or will they be leaving after the party at the arcade?

 

You may want to ask at what point does the party go from coed to just the girls - basically will they all be saying goodnight after the arcade before the girls head to the hotel?

[rieshy]

I don't think you can reasonably get the information you want given that you don't know this mom. Even if she answers your questions satisfactorily it doesn't mean that things won't "change" during the course of the evening.

 

I think it really comes down to whether you are up for letting your daughter be in a probably unsuprivised situation with a buch of girls, who may or may not invite the guys to the hotel on the sly.

 

So maybe try to get the information but allow her to attend only if you think she could handle the situation that might arise.

 

Btw, my kids (boys or girls) would not be allowed to go to an overnight hotel party- and I'm a free range sort of mom. It's just that large groups of hormones and lack of sleep generally lead to stupidity, or worse.

[HeidiKC]

I don't think you need to worry about the mom being offended by your questions. Especially if she is a conscientious parent, she will expect and appreciate calls like that. I agree that starting out by asking what you can bring, etc. is the best. When you do ask if she'll be with the girls the entire evening, I'd be a bit more specific. Her idea of "being with the girls" might be different than yours. I'd ask if the girls will be alone in the room at any point. Or what if some want to go to the pool and some want to stay in the room?

 

Good luck, and sorry she wasn't invited to something that sounds more comfortable, parent-wise!

[Truscifi]

I would begin by asking if there is any additional cost or if your teen needs to bring money to pay for anything - dinner, snacks. Then go into "there seems to be a lot of things going on at the party, could you tell me more about the schedule of events" Keep it open ended and let the other mother talk. Often if you allow enough silence, the other person will keep talking and tell you everything you want to know. But I would be prepared to ask specific questions. Obvious there are more diplomatic ways to ask than others. "Will you be with the girls the whole evening?" vs "Will you be going off drinking and carousing during the party?"

 

:iagree:

[missmoe]

I would let her go to the mall portion of the party while I get some shopping done myself. Then head home together.

[Dustybug]

none of my kids would have attended a party that involved an overnight at a hotel. i just can't see that ending well. (the elders are 28 and 25 now).

 

and if i was concerned about the questions you listed, no one at home now would be going either.

 

some things are fraught with peril, and hotel parties are one of them. mall parties are another.

 

sorry.

ann

 

:iagree:

 

If I had ANY of the above concerns, my child would not go. Period.

[Trilliums]

At first I was going to go with ways to ask the mom diplomatically about the party, but I do agree, at least partially, with PP who said you will probably not really get the info you want as the party is likely to not really go as planned. What parties do?

 

Instead, I would be asking myself how well can my child deal with peer pressure and does she have the confidence to get herself out of a bad situation. I could see allowing my 15 yo to go to a party such as you described up until the sleepover part, as you mentioned you were planning for your DD.

[TranquilMind]

Tigger;I do think you have a right to ask about the party and adult supervision - I think the way you ask will help you get answers without offending.

 

Will you be with the girls supervising the party or will you be at the bar with your friend just in the hotel?

 

If you were to ask me this, I'd be highly offended -

 

Yes, I KNOW! :) I was simply relating what I am determined to know, in a blunt way! I needed help phrasing more delicately from the point of view of others, which you did below!

 

one I don't usually drink and two I don't usually hang at bars....so a way to ask without offending might to "will you be supervising the party or will you be around at the hotel, but not always with the kids?.....and will there be adult supervision while the girls are at the pool? May I ask what adults will be supervising?

 

Perfect.

 

.a nicer way to ask would be maybe saying that given your daughter's age, you have some concerns, what steps are being taken to ensure no underage drinking or smoking?

 

 

Hmmm. Maybe this will work, though it still sounds a bit as if I think they will do this and she had darn well better not let them, or something.

 

Will boys be in the hotel room (though I'm not sure that the elimination of them will eliminate sexual behavior from what I've read, if you know what I mean) or will they be leaving after the party at the arcade?

 

You may want to ask at what point does the party go from coed to just the girls -

 

Ok, that's better!

 

[TranquilMind]

I don't think you need to worry about the mom being offended by your questions. Especially if she is a conscientious parent, she will expect and appreciate calls like that. I agree that starting out by asking what you can bring, etc. is the best. When you do ask if she'll be with the girls the entire evening, I'd be a bit more specific. Her idea of "being with the girls" might be different than yours. I'd ask if the girls will be alone in the room at any point. Or what if some want to go to the pool and some want to stay in the room?

 

Good luck, and sorry she wasn't invited to something that sounds more comfortable, parent-wise!

 

I hope you are right. Some parents like other conscientious parents; some are offended at the affront they believe you are making against their parenting.

[TranquilMind]

That sounds like a typical teenager line though, doesn't it? If you are the only one concerned well then she is the only child with a decent parent.

 

I'd want to know the details and I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask.

Right! That's what I said! If I'm the only good parent, so be it, but I don't believe that!

[Carol in Cal.]

Here is what I would do.

First some background. Dd is 15 1/2, and attends a BM girls high school that is fairly liberal.

 

I tell her frequently that if she wants to hang out with really nice girls, her mother asking for details will help them to believe that we are the kind of family that they can trust with their daughters, too. I proactively give out a lot of information to other mothers, and try to get to know them a bit, too. Because of that they tend to trust me. It really does work.

 

I also tell her that I will always ask these kinds of questions, and that more other mothers do that then she can imagine. This is completely true. I would not say that she likes it, but she is starting to believe me.

 

So in this case, the first thing I would do is call another mother whose child is attending, and ask her what she knows for sure about it. If I couldn't get the inside scoop that way, I would call the hostess. Under no circumstances would I let DD stay over night. The decision would be whether she would leave the mall with me or with the other family, and I would possibly stop by the hotel a little earlier than I said to be able to check on things without being obtrusive.

 

Also, DD would have a cell phone and codes for 'people are drinking or doing drugs' or 'no adults are present' and 'come and get me'. I would encourage her to call me the meanest mom on the planet and save her face--and to say that her mom insisted that she call at a particular time or at a particular location, eyerolls just fine. I would also be prepared to go and get her at a moment's notice, but I would trust and respect her. I probably would not call her myself, and it would probably all be just fine.

[TranquilMind]

WendyK: Yeah, you know, I've been in situations growing up where the other parent lied to my parents. Unfortunately, some people aren't above doing that.

 

Yeah, exactly.

 

And not to mention that she is a really top student with all sorts of future scholarship possibilities, all of which may be eliminated if the cops come because someone is drinking, even if not her. I know she won't drink - she won't even take an aspirin. She's just not good at consuming yucky tasting things, which alcohol is - at first.

 

I might offer the compromise of allowing my kid to go, but telling her I'll pick her up at midnight.

 

I think this is what we will be doing. Only a bit earlier.

[TranquilMind]

Here is what I would do.

First some background. Dd is 15 1/2, and attends a BM girls high school that is fairly liberal.

 

I tell her frequently that if she wants to hang out with really nice girls, her mother asking for details will help them to believe that we are the kind of family that they can trust with their daughters, too. I proactively give out a lot of information to other mothers, and try to get to know them a bit, too. Because of that they tend to trust me. It really does work.

 

I also tell her that I will always ask these kinds of questions, and that more other mothers do that then she can imagine. This is completely true. I would not say that she likes it, but she is starting to believe me.

 

So in this case, the first thing I would do is call another mother whose child is attending, and ask her what she knows for sure about it. If I couldn't get the inside scoop that way, I would call the hostess. Under no circumstances would I let DD stay over night. The decision would be whether she would leave the mall with me or with the other family, and I would possibly stop by the hotel a little earlier than I said to be able to check on things without being obtrusive.

 

Also, DD would have a cell phone and codes for 'people are drinking or doing drugs' or 'no adults are present' and 'come and get me'. I would encourage her to call me the meanest mom on the planet and save her face--and to say that her mom insisted that she call at a particular time or at a particular location, eyerolls just fine. I would also be prepared to go and get her at a moment's notice, but I would trust and respect her. I probably would not call her myself, and it would probably all be just fine.

 

Wow, Carol. I wish you lived near me. You are exactly like me and I could have written this, and we both have 15 year old daughters! I always give lots of information proactively.

 

I need more friends like you.

[jplain]

Wow, tough situation. I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. The overnight would be a no go, for sure. Unless I was certain there was adequate supervision for the hotel activities, I think I'd plan to pick her up after arcade portion.

 

If I did decide to let her go to the hotel for the pool, I might say something to the other mom about how hotels can be strict about supervision of groups of minors. (Which is in fact true.) Does she need an extra chaperone, in case the kids need to split up (ie. some in pool, some in room)? Of course I wouldn't say this unless I was willing to put my money where my mouth was... ;)

Edited January 14, 2012 by jplain

[Excelsior! Academy]

I haven't read all of the other replies.

 

Whether my daughter could go or not would depend greatly on a few details. My daughter went to a party like this at 9. I know that is like apples and oranges. A 16 yo party with boys is NOT at all like a 9 yo girl party, but hear me out.

 

We did know the mom some and she was not very well off. Their house wouldn't hold everyone, so they had a tradition of renting a couple of rooms at a hotel and letting the kids swim in the pool. If I remember right that was the girl's present. She rented movies and had snacks. The kids had a blast. It was like a sleepover on steroids. Granted, a few moms did stay to supervise.

 

I wouldn't rule it out completely until you know all of the details. Could you stay part of the time to help? You and your daughter could always leave if it is not up to your standards, but she could participate in some things like the mall and swimming.

 

ETA: You could always let them go to the mall and then meet up at the hotel to, you know, keep the mom company. ;)

Edited January 14, 2012 by Excelsior! Academy

[2squared]

Another idea is that you could offer to help chaperone. That way you would be able to meet the other parents and the other kids while keeping your eye on things. I would be very inclined to offer my help.

[LivingHope]

I think you shouldn't try to compromise with anyone. Without being too emotional about it, you can simply tell your daughter, "No." Your daughter will grow up one day and thank you for your care and guidance in her life when she was a teenager. I appreciate Carol's response above as well.

[KungFuPanda]

On this board, I'm one of the less conservative people, but I think I'd skip he hotel part. I'd have to know the mom really well to allow this. You could call, but I'd fear that the kind of parents who let kids party like adults also know what you want to hear and may not be entirely truthful. They justify it by believing it's better the kids party with them than in secret with no adults around.

 

You could call. The Mom may offer to let you pop in at anytime unannounced and she could be great, open, and put you at ease. She may invite you to stay so you'll be comfortable. However, teens are sensitive and your daughter may prefer to skip the party rather than have you call, then decide you don't trust he parents. That could be awkward for her.

 

Another option would be to bring DDs overnight bag when you go to pick her up. (Don't tell her) If you like what you see and it really is just some girls watching movies and giggling, (and the moms ar clearly closely supervising) you could change your mind and surprise her. The host family may just have a house that's too small or they didn't want the hassle of party pre/clean-up.

Edited January 14, 2012 by KungFuPanda

[TranquilMind]

KungFuPanda;: On this board, I'm one of the less conservative people, but I think I'd skip he hotel part. I'd have to know the mom really well to allow this. You could call, but I'd fear that the kind of parents who let kids party like adults also know what you want to hear and may not be entirely truthful. They justify it by believing it's better the kids party with them than in secret with no adults around.

 

That's my concern, and my gut reaction, which may or may not be justified.

 

You could call. The Mom may offer to let you pop in at anytime unannounced and she could be great, open, and put you at ease. She may invite you to stay so you'll be comfortable. However, teens are sensitive and your daughter may prefer to skip the party rather than have you call, then decide you don't trust he parents. That could be awkward for her.

 

I did call. No answer. But I now know that it is Mom and her partner (a woman's name) who are supervising, because partner's name is left in answering message too. How old is this relationship? New partners are not the same as parents. I was given the impression at first from my daughter that it was Mom and a friend. Yeah, a close friend! But not the parent of any of the partygoers.

 

Another option would be to bring DDs overnight bag when you go to pick her up. (Don't tell her) If you like what you see and it really is just some girls watching movies and giggling, (and the moms ar clearly closely supervising) you could change your mind and surprise her. The host family may just have a house that's too small or they didn't want the hassle of party pre/clean-up.

 

 

I'm only supposed to drop off. The woman and her "friend" have the supervision covered, I'm told. If she calls me back, I may find out I'm welcome but this is not the way it is presented to me.

 

I don't like having to uncover information. And I always do.

[TranquilMind]

Another idea is that you could offer to help chaperone. That way you would be able to meet the other parents and the other kids while keeping your eye on things. I would be very inclined to offer my help.

I did, in a phone message. Haven't heard back yet but then I should not have waited until party day to call, I guess.

[mirth]

Ok, if the party is today -- I'd be backing out. I don't care how much of a hissy fit my dd pitches. I'd try make up for it, sure.

[southcarolinamom]

Ok, if the party is today -- I'd be backing out. I don't care how much of a hissy fit my dd pitches. I'd try make up for it, sure.

 

:iagree:

[goldberry]

"How do I ask without offending the other mom?"

 

Simple answer: You ask what you need and don't worry about offending her. You don't know her. Your primary responsibility is your daughter's safety. Offending the other mom is so far down the list as to not be on it.

 

Ask what you need and if you are not 100% satisfied with the answers, you say no.

[TranquilMind]

"How do I ask without offending the other mom?"

 

Simple answer: You ask what you need and don't worry about offending her. You don't know her. Your primary responsibility is your daughter's safety. Offending the other mom is so far down the list as to not be on it.

 

Ask what you need and if you are not 100% satisfied with the answers, you say no.

Well, you are right, but by that I mean to encourage open communication. If I offend her - or anyone - that person just shuts down. I want to avoid that.

[Pippen]

If my daughter was 15 and invited to a hotel party of someone she only knows somewhat with a parent I didn't know at all, the only question I'd ask would be about adult supervision. Then I'd arm her with a cell phone and allow her to go until a reasonable time (ie 10pm), because I'm confident she'd call home if she ran into something she wasn't comfortable with.

[Remudamom]

I can't imagine even considering letting my dd attend this party. 15?? What are parents for?

[Trish]

Oh, this would be a no for me no matter what the other mom said.

[Disney Dreaming]

I can't imagine even considering letting my dd attend this party. 15?? What are parents for?

 

:iagree: I have already been the "bad guy" parent to my 22 yr old dd. She thanks me now. No way would I have ever even considered this. I have a rule that I don't allow my kids go to anything where I don't know the parents.

Edited January 14, 2012 by ugamom11

[RoughCollie]

I can't imagine even considering letting my dd attend this party. 15?? What are parents for?

 

:iagree:

 

If I were to let DD go to a party like that, my conversation with the mother would begin with a discussion of social host liability.

 

I have a friendly and frank discussion about our values and the laws in our state with the parents of DD's friends before she is allowed to go to their house. If I still feel a bit unsettled, at least one of her brothers goes with her. Boyfriends' parents get monthly refresher courses. I keep no secrets -- DD, boyfriend, all parents involved, and our entire family know about all this.

Edited January 14, 2012 by RoughCollie

[Trish]

There's no way the 16-year-olds want "mom" in the hotel room, it would make the party pointless for them. And if mom is down the hall, (or wherever, since it wouldn't really matter at that point) there would be no supervision.

 

Even if this mom says there will be supervision.

[MamaT]

My dd would not be going to this party. Just too much potential for bad things to happen.

[Little Nyssa]

I wouldn't even bother asking. I would just let DD go to the mall part of the party. Then pick her up.

[Stacy in NJ]

"DD is excite about the invitation. What's the schedule for the evening again? I'm a bit confused about that. Does the hotel have a pool? So, dd will need a swim suit. I don't like swimming myself. Will you be swimming? How many girls are invited? Will the room get cramped? Are you sleeping in the same room with the girls because that could get crazy."

 

"We've never done a party at a hotel. Have you? How'd that work out?"

 

Just pretend like you're clueless and you want the whole scoop.

 

You're just fishing here. You're trying to get a feel for the other mom's parenting standards. If you begin the conversation in a relaxed and curious manner, it's likely she'll share a lot of information with you.

 

Ideally this wouldn't be necessary because you'd know the mom and daughter better, but barring and straight out NO, it's probably your best tactic.

 

If some of her responses send up a flair, you need to come up with another plan (stay at the hotel yourself?).

 

When I was 13 a friend had a sleepover birthday party at a local hotel; it was a Holiday Inn with a pool and it was the middle of winter. We had a blast and we didn't get into any type of serious trouble (the hotel did call us and tell us to be quiet because we were distrubing other guests). :001_smile:

[goldberry]

Well, you are right, but by that I mean to encourage open communication. If I offend her - or anyone - that person just shuts down. I want to avoid that.

 

The problem is, the questions must be asked. If the questions are answered positively, then likely she is not a mom who would be offended by the questions.

 

If the questions are answered negatively, then no matter how you approach it, she will likely consider you "one of those moms".

[Lisbeth]

For us this would be a no go.