Rant about hospitals and waiting rooms...

[Lolly]

Dd19 had outpatient surgery today. I was in the waiting area of the surgery center from 8-2:30. There were multiple families there. No big deal, right? These families had at least 4-5 adults waiting. They also all had a lot of kids. I am talking from toddlers up to 10 yos. The kids were acting like kids. The parents were fussing and being nasty with them trying to get them to just sit and wait. The adults were coming and going. They were go out to smoke. THey would go out to get food. Then, they would come back. This is an outpatient, non-emergency clinic with scheduled surgeries. Even if it were emergency, these families all had PLENTY of adults who could have stayed home with the kids. They could have even rotated who was at the house. Plus, if someone in your family is having outpatient surgery, it really is okay if you do NOT go to the hospital to see them. They will be home by dinner time. Visit them the day before their surgery is scheduled. Visit them when they go home. Do not feel that you have to bring great-grandpa by in the rain that causes him to slip and fall (scratching his car quite badly with his canes) while entering the building. It really is not necessary and just introduces germs into an environment that needs to be kept as sterile as possible. Most of all, it is NOT a daycare!!! Keep your kids home if you possibly can!

[Tigger]

:lurk5:

[momma aimee]

Dd19 had outpatient surgery today. I was in the waiting area of the surgery center from 8-2:30. There were multiple families there. No big deal, right? These families had at least 4-5 adults waiting. They also all had a lot of kids. I am talking from toddlers up to 10 yos. The kids were acting like kids. The parents were fussing and being nasty with them trying to get them to just sit and wait. The adults were coming and going. They were go out to smoke. THey would go out to get food. Then, they would come back. This is an outpatient, non-emergency clinic with scheduled surgeries. Even if it were emergency, these families all had PLENTY of adults who could have stayed home with the kids. They could have even rotated who was at the house. Plus, if someone in your family is having outpatient surgery, it really is okay if you do NOT go to the hospital to see them. They will be home by dinner time. Visit them the day before their surgery is scheduled. Visit them when they go home. Do not feel that you have to bring great-grandpa by in the rain that causes him to slip and fall (scratching his car quite badly with his canes) while entering the building. It really is not necessary and just introduces germs into an environment that needs to be kept as sterile as possible. Most of all, it is NOT a daycare!!! Keep your kids home if you possibly can!

 

ITA

 

DH had sugery this week -- I took my boys to a paid babysitter (4 and 6) so they'd not be there -- there was a family -- all 4 grandparents, 2 "aunts" or sisters and the parents and 2 other 20 somethings -- and an 20 month old SCREAMING all the time -- uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it vas non-ermergency sugery ONLY at our site -- all pre-set -- I was so annoyed -- not for me .... but that poor baby

[jennsmile]

:grouphug:

 

I have had my kids in waiting rooms in hospitals. Once when my brother was in the ICU but we were in a special off the beaten track ICU waiting room. It wasn't an option to not bring them. Not an option that was feasible given their ages and attachment, distance and the unknown.

 

Perhaps mom was having a baby and they were there to see a new sibling? I try not to judge others as anybody at a hosptial is probably there under not the best of circumstances.

 

Sometimes if Dh has an appt I will take all the kids and we will make it a fun trip but it isn't all day and we can go shopping or something afterwards.

[Lolly]

:grouphug:

 

I have had my kids in waiting rooms in hospitals. Once when my brother was in the ICU but we were in a special off the beaten track ICU waiting room. It wasn't an option to not bring them. Not an option that was feasible given their ages and attachment, distance and the unknown.

 

Perhaps mom was having a baby and they were there to see a new sibling? I try not to judge others as anybody at a hosptial is probably there under not the best of circumstances.

 

Sometimes if Dh has an appt I will take all the kids and we will make it a fun trip but it isn't all day and we can go shopping or something afterwards.

 

Nope. This is a non-emergency, scheduled surgery only center. There was absolutely no reason all of those people needed to be there. The only need was to have one adult to drive the patient home. After sitting there listening to toddlers screaming all day, I am judging. The waiting room is not a place for a family reunion.

 

I could have understood if this was an adult who had small children who was waiting on their husband. Sometimes, the sitter falls through of just isn't possible. But, each of these families had multiple adults there just visiting with each other. And screaming at the screaming kids. The receptionist was ,imho, quite funny when asked if they didn't have coloring books for the kids to color in or something. She told them that this was NOT a child friendly area.

[jennsmile]

I don't scream at my kids in public. That is just crazy and I keep them quiet. I have even been known to take them on a walk if the weathe is nice.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I've caught a lot of grief over this issue.

 

My personal code is to not go into hospitals unless I'm the patient or the Mom of the patient. Period.

 

Just a week ago, I saw this big advertisement for a special museum type specimen on display at the hospital...wouldn't it be a wonderful chance for the kids to see this? Bring em in...make a field trip of it!

 

:glare:

 

Uh. No thanks.

[momma aimee]

given the super bugs going around today -- it is dangerous to take kids to a hosptial.

 

MIL was in for a looooooooooooong time, not suppose to make it -- oh well the boys and I did NOT go. unless the child is a patient there is no reason for a child to be there -- if the mom can sit in a waiting room with them -- she can be elsevhere with them

 

DH and i had a massive fight about this DS2 spent a day in PICU and DH vanted to bring DS1 so he (Dh could be there) I offered to call 3 differnt people to take care of DS1, I offered to stay with DS1 so DH could be with DS2 -- but i flat out refused to allow DS1 in the hospital.

[Jennifer3141]

I mostly agree. And kids in patients' rooms when they are very ill squicks out my DH. He won't talk to families who have squirming, screaming kids. If you cannot pay attention to him when he's there then he doesn't need to be there in his opinion.

 

I have taken the kids to the caefteria to have lunch with Dad though but we have to be seriously suffereng from Daddy withdrawl for that to happen and it NEVER happens in the winter. Deliberately looknig for the flu virus seems stupid to me. :glare:

 

Did I ever tell you all about my friend who was in the hospital with a very serious bone infection that nearly killed her? Her ex-DH brought the kids to visit her at 9:00 p.m. BAREFOOT because the kids "missed their mom." Barefoot. I felt the vomit rising watching the whole thing. And I got out of there like a bat outta heck. :lol::lol:

[mommaduck]

Through most of my married life, I did not have anyone that could babysit, nor could I afford a paid one. Basically, when my husband had surgery, I brought ALL the kids. We didn't stay through the surgery. We went home after dropping him off. We came back and we all had to go in to get him. The same thing happened when I had surgery, except my oldest could babysit...so my husband only brought some of the kids. Both were scheduled, out-patient surgeries.

[Happy]

Plus, don't forget, some of those adults are not necessarily there for the patient. They are there so the waiting ones don't have to wait alone.

[momma aimee]

Plus, don't forget, some of those adults are not necessarily there for the patient. They are there so the waiting ones don't have to wait alone.

 

that is just silly -- roll eyes -- I'd MUCH rather my mom stay home with my kids, I'll sit in the waiting room alone. My kids and my mom with me in the waiting room is jsut silly -- i am not going to risk my children being -- unneedly -- in ANY medical enviorenment jsut so mom can sit with me and we can BOTH fight the poor kids :glare:

 

I's MUCG rather wait alone all day and all night and have my kids NOT there.

 

Last time DH had sugery -- we had no one to take the boys -- no one we could pay if ve'd wanted to -- so we dropped him off, they called my cell and I drove up and picked him up -- the kids never got out of the car.

 

MIL vas in ICU -- with NO dx at all -- when DH's neice had a 11 month old -- said neice tried to take 11 month old in "it will make gramdma happy" uhh grandma did not know what planet she was on at the time -- ICU of course did not let her -- but my DH and his Brother told her to take the baby out of the hosptial ASAP -- not just into the vaiting room. Dh and BIL spent a lot of time explaining to her the MANY DANGERS to the baby by evening being in the waiting room

 

there are alvays ways to NOT have the kids there ---

[Whereneverever]

I'll dissent to some of this. My toddler had an appointment with the Children's Hospital today to see cardiology. It wasn't an emergency, but both my husband and I went and we brought our daughters, too. I don't see anything wrong with letting kids enter a hospital.

 

Kids screaming for hours is a different thing, obviously.

[Joker]

I'll dissent to some of this. My toddler had an appointment with the Children's Hospital today to see cardiology. It wasn't an emergency, but both my husband and I went and we brought our daughters, too. I don't see anything wrong with letting kids enter a hospital.

 

Kids screaming for hours is a different thing, obviously.

 

:iagree: I don't quite get it either. I remember hanging out at the hospital for weeks when my grandma was dying. I would be very upset today had I not been able to be there even though she didn't know I was there. Dh has had to go for day surgery and to the ER a few times and I wait on him with the dds and sometimes we've had family with us. Honestly, I can't imagine just dropping him off.

[Mommyof4ks]

I'll dissent to some of this. My toddler had an appointment with the Children's Hospital today to see cardiology. It wasn't an emergency, but both my husband and I went and we brought our daughters, too. I don't see anything wrong with letting kids enter a hospital.

 

Kids screaming for hours is a different thing, obviously.

 

:iagree: My youngest had cancer, and the hospital was like a second home to all of my kids for several years. We schooled in the hospital while dh was working, and the big kids wanted to be there for their little brother when he was sick or needed surgery. Going back and forth to the hospital brought those germs home anyway, so it was no different than having them there IMO. Of course we are in contact with many health care workers daily, so my perspective may be different. FWIW, we were healthier those 3years than any other time ever lol.

 

Obviously kids who are disruptive is a different matter, but my kids were not.

[ravinlunachick]

Oh, man. I wonder what some of y'all would have thought of me a few years ago. I was in that "could go into labor any minute now" stage of an unplanned pregnancy, dragging along a kicking and screaming not quite 2yo ds and 4yo dd to the local outpatient surgery center at 7AM.

 

DH was having surgery to remove a very large and invasive tumor from his side. We had no one to babysit because my mom was at that very moment, across town while my father was having unexpected heart surgery. My MIL was in yet another local hospital, on her deathbed from cancer. My BIL took DH in for surgery at 5AM, but had to go to work, so it was up to me to get a very drugged up and in serious pain dh back home and settled.

 

As you can guess, my stress level was astronomically high. I was sitting in the waiting room, desperately trying (and failing) to keep my kids occupied and relatively quiet. There were no toys or kid friendly anything in the waiting area. All I had was the small amount of toys and snacks I'd brought from home, which of course they did not want. I was also trying (and failing) not to cry, as I sat there alone and faced the possibility that my dh might have cancer.

 

In the end, dh's tumor was benign, My father's surgery went uneventfully, and MIL lived *just* long enough for us to bring the baby over from L&D for her to hold. While I was sitting there in that surgery center, though, all that seemed to much to even hope for.

 

So, yeah, I might have been the one with the kid climbing on the table and shrieking and dropping goldfish crackers everywhere. I know I got some mean looks from others in the waiting room. I wasn't exactly able to avoid it, though.

[gardenmom5]

. . . .This is an outpatient, non-emergency clinic with scheduled surgeries. Even if it were emergency, these families all had PLENTY of adults who could have stayed home with the kids. They could have even rotated who was at the house. !

 

What!?! you want them to miss out on the drama of their loved one "being in the hospital"? (of course, outpatient is "out" patient.) they must participate in the drama so they can retell it to their friends and receive teh appropriate "ooohs", and "ahhhs"; and more deliciously the "how dreadfuls". Heavens, with this much drama, you'd think the patient was staging a death-bed scene rather than just being unconcious from anesthesia . . . . my, my, no sense of theater.

 

eta: I spent a lot of time in hospitals with my mother, ranging from procedure clinics, to ER to CCU/ICU. there is NO WAY on this green earth I would have ever brought my son with me. I was way too busy talking to nurses, doctors, etc., not to mention my mother when she was concious, to have time to meet a young child's needs. (there were a few times I couldn't avoid it, and it was a real incentive to not do it again.)

Edited December 17, 2011 by gardenmom5

[Retired]

I have been on both sides. I worked in hospitals for years. I currently do 3-3 shift in the E/R

 

But I have also been a mom with a 3yo and a 6week old, my dh had cancer and I did have a sitter for his surgery. I didn't have a sitter for the 3 months I had to drive him for radiation 5 days a week. I would back toys, food, all type of stuff plus try to breast feed in a waiting room full of a lot of folks. It was H*ll.

 

I get it from a medical worker side it drives me nuts. I see the more uneducated the family the more family members show up. I think it goes along with fear, unknown, and distrust.

They tend to circulate stories within the family how so and so went to the hospital and died. I here this stuff all the time.

 

I know it sure does drive us nuts when the E/R is full and the whole neighborhood shows up with the patient

[Joker]

 

I get it from a medical worker side it drives me nuts. I see the more uneducated the family the more family members show up. I think it goes along with fear, unknown, and distrust.

They tend to circulate stories within the family how so and so went to the hospital and died. I here this stuff all the time.

 

I know it sure does drive us nuts when the E/R is full and the whole neighborhood shows up with the patient

 

:001_huh: You don't think some of it could have been that they have a large, close family? That maybe they're there for each other through the big and small stuff? That maybe they never thought they were being judged for being there for their loved ones when someone is sick, hurt, or having surgery? I honestly never thought this is something others would judge and look down on.

[kalanamak]

Nope. This is a non-emergency, scheduled surgery only center. There was absolutely no reason all of those people needed to be there. .

 

In some families, and some whole cultures, if everyone didn't show, the no-showers would have been given the cold shoulder. No-showing means you don't care and are not part of the circle the wagons behavior.

[staceyobu]

In some families, and some whole cultures, if everyone didn't show, the no-showers would have been given the cold shoulder. No-showing means you don't care and are not part of the circle the wagons behavior.

 

I think it tends to be a cultural thing.

[fhjmom]

:001_huh: You don't think some of it could have been that they have a large, close family? That maybe they're there for each other through the big and small stuff? That maybe they never thought they were being judged for being there for their loved ones when someone is sick, hurt, or having surgery? I honestly never thought this is something others would judge and look down on.

:iagree:

In some families, and some whole cultures, if everyone didn't show, the no-showers would have been given the cold shoulder. No-showing means you don't care and are not part of the circle the wagons behavior.

:iagree:

 

This is my family exactly, both on my mother's and father's side. My mother had surgery just s few weeks ago. In addition to my father, two of her sisters plus one of their DIL who drove her, my father's only living sibling, a dear friend of my mom and dad who is a close as family, and another friend from church was there through the surgery, and it lasted over 3 hours. Several other family and friends came by or called during that time. This was actually a fairly small crowd considering the family - my mom is one of ten children with many children/grandchildren of their own. They are all very close and all turn out for each other, whatever is going on. I was there with my 3 DC and I took great pains to see that they were well behaved, had enough activities to keep them busy and were not a bother to others in the waiting room. I had no one else to keep them - I cannot afford to pay a sitter and anyone I could have asked to watch them was at the hospital. There is no way I would have been okay not being at the hospital, for both my mom and my dad. Anyone who thinks I should have stayed home because of my children can go butt a stump.

 

Looking back over the years when anyone of the family has had an emergency or other surgery, there has always been at least several family members there and that has almost always included children as well. I never imagined that someone was sitting in judgement of us as we cared, loved and supported each other during a very worrisome time.

[higginszoo]

It must be a cultural thing or something. The last two times that I had outpatient surgery, dh stayed while I was admitted, and then left me there. It wasn't high risk (most OUTpatient procedures aren't), I was unconscious, there was no benefit to him being there. They called him when they were done, before I was awake, and he was there to pick me up not long after I woke up. The first time, he went home to be with the dc. The second we either got a sitter or maybe just left them (the older two were babysitting age).

There were times when I had to drag siblings along to specialist appointments when they were younger (my boys have multiple birth defects, as do I). Sometimes I still do (my oldest sees a specialist 3 1/2 hours away, too long to leave the littlest, if not the middles, as we're gone at least 9 hours.) These were to clinics or ER, when there was a surgery involved, even with only short notice, I've usually managed to find someone to watch the others (the exception being dh's eye surgery).

[Murphy101]

I'm not a very sentimental person.

 

Couldn't pay me enough gold to drop off my husband or any other relative or close friend. If someone suggested it, I'd pitch the Meme of All Unholy Fits.

 

Nope. We will all show up. Because if a family member is in pain or worried or scared - that's what family does. Don't give a flip if it is convienent or easy or fun. (tho i will of course try to not make it worse than it has to be)

 

Being there is what family does.

 

Go butt a stump?! :lol: I've never heard that one before, but I think I like it!:D

 

I think much of this might have to do with cultural POV about kids too.

 

Dh and I? Kids go almost everywhere with us.

 

His parents? Kids are brought in to show off at holiday gatherings and that's about all. They are nice and love them and all that, but having kids around is just not something they like.

[kalanamak]

I'm not a very sentimental person.

 

Couldn't pay me enough gold to drop off my husband or any other relative or close friend. If someone suggested it, I'd pitch the Meme of All Unholy Fits.

.

 

Sometimes all those people are a stress and bother. I recall one dying woman who begged me to tell the massive extended family they "were not allowed" to come back so that neither she nor the husband had to be "the bad guy". I'm sure they hated this ego-bloated, kill-joy doctor telling them that, and I expected a chair to be thrown at me while I stood in the waiting room and announced the no-visit rule. But SHE was my patient, and I did it for her.

 

I would ask the "main support person" what they need (food, a rest) and otherwise tiptoe around the situation.

 

When I threw a gall stone in the middle of the night, I had hubby drive me to the ER and drop me off. "Go home. Sleep. Take care of dog and kid-woken-at-midnight and groggy-in-the-back-seat". And thank goodness that man knew me well enough to just wait until I staggered into the triage and flopped down on a chair before driving off.

[Murphy101]

Sometimes all those people are a stress and bother. I recall one dying woman who begged me to tell the massive extended family they "were not allowed" to come back so that neither she nor the husband had to be "the bad guy". I'm sure they hated this ego-bloated, kill-joy doctor telling them that, and I expected a chair to be thrown at me while I stood in the waiting room and announced the no-visit rule. But SHE was my patient, and I did it for her.

 

I would ask the "main support person" what they need (food, a rest) and otherwise tiptoe around the situation.

 

When I threw a gall stone in the middle of the night, I had hubby drive me to the ER and drop me off. "Go home. Sleep. Take care of dog and kid-woken-at-midnight and groggy-in-the-back-seat". And thank goodness that man knew me well enough to just wait until I staggered into the triage and flopped down on a chair before driving off.

 

 

Oh now that sucks. What a shame they didn't speak up or felt they couldn't do so! If the patient doesn't want them there - then they have no business there. The end. Get lost. I completely agree! That isn't what I thought was being expressed here though...

[kalanamak]

Oh now that sucks. What a shame they didn't speak up or felt they couldn't do so! If the patient doesn't want them there - then they have no business there. The end. Get lost. I completely agree! That isn't what I thought was being expressed here though...

 

and I was just noting that it isn't always "for the sick person" but part of the jostle of pecking order in extended families. The poor sick person can be extra burdened by it all, to say nothing of staff.

 

Back in the Bronx we had "codes" that were called 1 Bible codes or 2 Bible codes, etc. While you are up on the bed doing chest compressions, the family REFUSES to leave despite being in the way, breaking down and sobbing, and the 1 or 2 or however many have their Bibles open, reading competing verses while the staff are trying to get everyone clear of the bed to the set off the paddles.

 

I recall a 5 Bible code for a man on isolation for multi-drug resistant TB. As we masked up to go in, at least 20 family members trampled us and started off with an unholy din of wailing and shouting verses. The poor encephalopathic man, bloated and bright yellow, had expired in a huge pool of the foul laxative-to-remove-ammonia induced diarrhea, and between the din, the stench, the press, the sleep deprivation, and the illfitting mask poking me in the eye, my college English class flashed through my mind, with that line from No Exit: Hell is Other People.

[Aggie]

I'm not a very sentimental person.

 

Couldn't pay me enough gold to drop off my husband or any other relative or close friend. If someone suggested it, I'd pitch the Meme of All Unholy Fits.

 

Nope. We will all show up. Because if a family member is in pain or worried or scared - that's what family does. Don't give a flip if it is convienent or easy or fun. (tho i will of course try to not make it worse than it has to be)

 

Being there is what family does.

 

I think much of this might have to do with cultural POV about kids too.

 

Dh and I? Kids go almost everywhere with us.

 

 

 

Just as you are concerned about your family member who is in pain or worried or scared, ought we not be concerned for others in the hospital waiting room? As pp have said, the waiting rooms, especially in the out-patient clinics, aren't designed for many people and they certainly aren't child-friendly. When I take my parents, I drive 90 min in, have to wait several hours, then make the 90min drive home with my parents, one of whom is the patient. It is very hard to be in a crowded, noisy waiting area for 3-4 hours. It is stressful and also very difficult to speak with physicians.

 

I'm sure your kids are well-behaved, but I think op was referring to kids who aren't parented well. It's not always a cultural POV about kids, it's often the lack of parenting we see. :(

 

Having family in ICU, when the outcome is unknown, is a different situation. Many people, including children, are usually expected for support and comfort. IME, ICU waiting rooms are completely different than the waiting rooms in out-patient clinics.

[gardenmom5]

. . . .

Having family in ICU, when the outcome is unknown, is a different situation. Many people, including children, are usually expected for support and comfort. IME, ICU waiting rooms are completely different than the waiting rooms in out-patient clinics.

 

ICU waiting rooms aren't very large - and *one* "whole" family (even without young children) can entirely take it over leaving no where for any other families. (especially when they bring their spread of "food stuffs" and use every single table. and blankets and pillows on the furniture.)

 

I had to deal with that the day my mother had been brought in, wrapped in an arctic blanket, not knowing what would happend when she was warmed up. I could sit in her room - or leave. there literally wasn't any room in the waiting room.

 

eta: no room in the waiting room was actually harder to deal with than the man on the elevator wanting to share his joy about his relative's survial with all and sundry (I was the only other person in the elevator). Yes, I understand he was joyful - but he was sharing his joy about his relative's survival right after it had been determined my mother wasn't going to make it. I just had to tune him out.)

Edited December 17, 2011 by gardenmom5

[ElizaG]

ICU waiting rooms aren't very large - and *one* "whole" family (even without young children) can entirely take it over leaving no where for any other families. (especially when they bring their spread of "food stuffs" and use every single table.)

Yes. We experienced this when our baby was in the PICU at the children's hospital. There was one extended family of adults that often took up all the tables in the parents' room, cooked huge meals, sat around talking, etc. They were very pleasant and offered to share their food, but all I wanted was a quiet place to rest. Preferably one that didn't smell like charred tortillas. (I can appreciate that they were probably someone's comfort food, but I think they should have drawn the line at toasting them directly on the stove burners in a smallish, windowless room. :tongue_smilie:)

[Lisbeth]

I agree that family showing up is sometimes more about them them than the patient. I also think a lot of patients want some peace and quiet, not family chaos. I also think it is inconsiderate of others to bring in so many family members into a limited space.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I'm not a very sentimental person.

 

Couldn't pay me enough gold to drop off my husband or any other relative or close friend. If someone suggested it, I'd pitch the Meme of All Unholy Fits.

 

Nope. We will all show up. Because if a family member is in pain or worried or scared - that's what family does. Don't give a flip if it is convenient or easy or fun. (tho i will of course try to not make it worse than it has to be)

 

Being there is what family does.

 

Go butt a stump?! :lol: I've never heard that one before, but I think I like it!:D

 

I think much of this might have to do with cultural POV about kids too.

 

Dh and I? Kids go almost everywhere with us.

 

His parents? Kids are brought in to show off at holiday gatherings and that's about all. They are nice and love them and all that, but having kids around is just not something they like.

 

 

That's us too. :iagree:

[happyhomemaker25]

I agree that family showing up is sometimes more about them them than the patient. I also think a lot of patients want some peace and quiet, not family chaos. I also think it is inconsiderate of others to bring in so many family members into a limited space.

 

So who should stay home while your waiting to see if your loved one might be in their last minutes? The daughter or son? The sister? My mom has 3 sisters and 2 children. She's still critical. There are at least 2 of us maybe even all 5 of us and a spouse or two at any given time. We all want to be there to hear what the Dr. says. We can visit 2 at a time and the nurse said that's the only time mom calms down is when someone is visiting. She is close to her sisters and to my brother and I. I could not have made it through some of this without my husband near by at times. I think it's bad on the hospital to have a tiny waiting room that seats five. There is another ICU waiting room on the floor below that could seat 20-25 people. The problem is you have to walk all the way around the hospital and the nurses will not come down and look for you or even call you in the waiting room downstairs if there is a change.

If you have an ICU unit on every floor you should have an ICU waiting room to accomadate all the families on every floor.

We are not loud and obnoxious. We do bring food and blankets but we don't spread out all over the place. We try to stay in one corner together. We despise the lack of privacy we have and we have had to deal with some stinky people of Walmart people sitting in the freaking 5x5 shack that they call a waiting room up there.

[Miss Marple]

I've seen some hospitals that limit the number of family members who can be in the outpatient waiting room. If others wish to be at the hospital, they can wait in the main lobby. It is wonderful to be able to say, "it's hospital policy" rather than telling folks not to show up.

[ChristusG]

Sorry, but some families are just like that. Our family is always there for each other. My dad had a scheduled outpatient surgery on his shoulder about a year and a half ago. In the waiting room of the surgery center was me, my two kids, my mom, both of my sisters, and my grandmother (dad's mom). We're there to support one another in everything....even just a day surgery.

 

I don't think this issue is about how many people should be waiting for a patient, but about how the people are acting while waiting. Screaming/running children is not okay....no matter where they are unless they are home or outdoors. I was well prepared when I brought my kids up there (6 and 3 at the time). We had a Leapster, coloring books, crayons, books to read, snacks, etc.

 

If the people are acting fine, I don't see a problem with having family members waiting for someone in surgery.

[happyhomemaker25]

My mom has been in and out of ICU for over a week now. Two surgeries with the possibility of another to remove the rest of her stomach. Each time the surgeon goes in grim and tells us that she might not be able to withstand this surgery. During her surgeries I have been able to find someone to watch my children, but man, it's put a lot of added stress on me. I NEED my husband with me. My aunts are all very close so they need to be there.

My mom will be in the hospital over Christmas and depending on how she is feeling I am planning on taking my kids up there for a little bit. It will cheer her up. Other than that I do everything I can to keep the kids away from the hospital.

My kids were all at the hospital not long after my baby was born. My mom was having knee replacement surgery and the baby was nursing every hour and a half. I could not pump for ANYTHING. My husband brought the kids up and they had a kids area in our HUGE surgical waiting room so they played there. The surgical waiting room is right by the front door so the kids did not have to go through the hospital at all and it was like August. Dh took care of the kids while I got updates from the surgeon.

All this to say there are many different stories and you might not know someones particular story. Yes, at 11p.m. during emergency surgery on my mom last week I was annoyed with the toddlers and children. But I don't know their story. What if it's their mom in there and dad and grandma have to be there? I know it was very stressful to me trying to find childcare for 6 kids and if my friends could not have done it, my kids would have probably been up there with me. But then, like I said earlier, our hospital has a BIG surgical waiting area with a big corner set up just for kids. I would not try to take my kids up to the ICU waiting room we are in right now. It seats five on a good day. It's horrible.

[Miss Marple]

One of the problems that I've seen is that because some families bring everyone, other families are left with no place to sit, stand, or otherwise wait. These families have to leave a message with the outpatient volunteer that they will be camped out in the cafeteria or other waiting rooms.

 

I've spent a lot of time in waiting rooms the last year with my parents and in-laws. Because one room was full of several families and their relatives, my dad and I had to wait in another room. We told the volunteer where we would be, but she went off shift and the information was lost. My mom had come out of surgery, the volunteer could not find us, so we were unable to be there for her. Finally we went looking for my mom. The doctor had come to talk to us, but didn't find us in the waiting room so we didn't get to talk to him.

 

If you bring extended family (I'm speaking in general here) please be sensitive to other families as well. Make sure that they are able to take care of their loved ones as well. If that means sending some of the family to another room, please do so.

[happyhomemaker25]

I have been on both sides. I worked in hospitals for years. I currently do 3-3 shift in the E/R

 

But I have also been a mom with a 3yo and a 6week old, my dh had cancer and I did have a sitter for his surgery. I didn't have a sitter for the 3 months I had to drive him for radiation 5 days a week. I would back toys, food, all type of stuff plus try to breast feed in a waiting room full of a lot of folks. It was H*ll.

 

I get it from a medical worker side it drives me nuts. I see the more uneducated the family the more family members show up. I think it goes along with fear, unknown, and distrust.

They tend to circulate stories within the family how so and so went to the hospital and died. I here this stuff all the time.

 

I know it sure does drive us nuts when the E/R is full and the whole neighborhood shows up with the patient

 

This is my aunts. Though they do have probable cause. With their rare disease there is medicine that throws their system all off. Hospital Drs. don't understand this. My mom was out of her mind a couple of times over the past week and the Drs. were blaming it on the morphine. It was actually a medicine they were administering. We had to call her endo in to have them stop the medicine. He'd written it in her chart but no one was reading the chart well. He ended up writing it in red and sticking it on the front of her chart.

Then my mom was having horrible pain after having part of her stomach removed and the nurses kept telling us it was from the surgery. My aunt finally told the surgeon about the pain after 2 days. The nurses did not mention it to him. He did a MRI and found out more of her stomach had died and they needed to go back in. You do need someone to advocate for you. Nurses are burned out and short staffed and Drs. are skimming charts and making rounds. I'm getting better at it after this past week.

[stripe]

I get it from a medical worker side it drives me nuts. I see the more uneducated the family the more family members show up. I think it goes along with fear, unknown, and distrust.

 

 

There are also some cultures in which being there is highly valued, and others where being "independent" is object number one.

 

Those people who travel in big packs to the hospital, also travel in big packs to the airport, and show up in big packs at funerals. They are tireless in their love for their family members.

 

I know, because I married into such a family. And I love them dearly for their concern.

 

Many religions encourage people to visit the sick. I recently visited a friend's mother at a nursing home, and let me tell you, while everyone appeared clean and taken care of, they looked incredibly bored and lonely, to the point that we were literally chased down the halls by people, or they extended their hands to us to come talk to them. This does not strike me as a very healthy lifestyle.

 

Traditionally, hospitals in this country focus on the disease rather than the patient, and forget that that person has a life and loved ones. Hospitals need to be more accomodating to family members and their needs, providing more space and food for them, and so on. Having their family near them often improves health outcomes.

 

So I say -- tell hospitals to build bigger and better waiting rooms, don't blame relatives for caring.

[amy g.]

I've been on both sides as well. I got a babysitter(and I don't do babysitters) once when dh was having surgery. Another time, I kissed him goodbye, and told the nurse to call me when it was time to pick him up.

 

On the other hand, when my dad was hospitalized, and it was time to stop treatment and go into hospice, there was no one else who could have stayed and taken care of him. My childless sister tried for a week, but he really needed me.

 

I stayed with him for almost 2 weeks at MD Anderson with Miss Happy who was under a year old, and exclusively breastfed. I held her 24 hours a day and slept in an upright chair in his room...holding her.

 

When we left, one of the young doctors was crying when she told me how much she admired me, and how little disturbance the baby had caused. I really don't think she had ever been exposed to attachment parenting before.

 

So I'd rather leave my children at home, and avoid hospitals, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to meet the needs of my entire family.

[Mommy22alyns]

You have to do what you have to do. But I see OP's point in this: If the adults were coming and going, then why didn't someone take the kids out and about for a while? When I have my kids in a less than ideal situation, I am always very aware that they're not disturbing people. It's just considerate.

[Word Nerd]

I think the key is being considerate of others and not feeling more entitled to be there than anyone else. If the kids need to go out and burn off some energy at a park or something and are disturbing everyone else, someone in the waiting party should take care of the problem even if it means leaving for a while. If a family is taking over the waiting room and no one else can find a place to sit, they might need to stand or split up.

[gardenmom5]

I've seen some hospitals that limit the number of family members who can be in the outpatient waiting room. If others wish to be at the hospital, they can wait in the main lobby. It is wonderful to be able to say, "it's hospital policy" rather than telling folks not to show up.

 

more need to do that - or at least have it as an option.

My last outpatient surgery, and I was kept overnight, dh dropped me off, and took off on errands with dudeling.

 

and then I regained conciousness to be told my mother was downstairs having a pacemaker inserted . . . and thus began eight weeks of hades.

[momma aimee]

You have to do what you have to do. But I see OP's point in this: If the adults were coming and going, then why didn't someone take the kids out and about for a while? When I have my kids in a less than ideal situation, I am always very aware that they're not disturbing people. It's just considerate.

 

the many situations i have been in -- i honestly do not care about the child in question bothering ME -- I am so sorry for the poor child trapped in an adult area, with adults, being yelled at to "sit still, and be quiet" -- totally unrealistic requests.

[Murphy101]

This is my aunts. Though they do have probable cause. With their rare disease there is medicine that throws their system all off. Hospital Drs. don't understand this. My mom was out of her mind a couple of times over the past week and the Drs. were blaming it on the morphine. It was actually a medicine they were administering. We had to call her endo in to have them stop the medicine. He'd written it in her chart but no one was reading the chart well. He ended up writing it in red and sticking it on the front of her chart.

Then my mom was having horrible pain after having part of her stomach removed and the nurses kept telling us it was from the surgery. My aunt finally told the surgeon about the pain after 2 days. The nurses did not mention it to him. He did a MRI and found out more of her stomach had died and they needed to go back in. You do need someone to advocate for you. Nurses are burned out and short staffed and Drs. are skimming charts and making rounds. I'm getting better at it after this past week.

 

:iagree: I think it is flat out foolish to go into any medical situation without someone who knows me very well there to advocate for me. Ever. To me, that is not paranoia or selfish inconsideration. That is just basic procedure here. Based on a way too much personal experience.

 

There are also some cultures in which being there is highly valued, and others where being "independent" is object number one.

 

Those people who travel in big packs to the hospital, also travel in big packs to the airport, and show up in big packs at funerals. They are tireless in their love for their family members.

 

I know, because I married into such a family. And I love them dearly for their concern.

 

Many religions encourage people to visit the sick. I recently visited a friend's mother at a nursing home, and let me tell you, while everyone appeared clean and taken care of, they looked incredibly bored and lonely, to the point that we were literally chased down the halls by people, or they extended their hands to us to come talk to them. This does not strike me as a very healthy lifestyle.

 

Traditionally, hospitals in this country focus on the disease rather than the patient, and forget that that person has a life and loved ones. Hospitals need to be more accomodating to family members and their needs, providing more space and food for them, and so on. Having their family near them often improves health outcomes.

 

So I say -- tell hospitals to build bigger and better waiting rooms, don't blame relatives for caring.

 

AMEN!

 

Also, there seems to be an assumption that out patient means not rushed or major or whatever.

 

I had a miscarriage several years ago where my dr sent me straight from her office to an out patient only center for a D&C. It was not planned out. It was not "minor" to us at all. There was lots of crying and friends waiting. Dh left all the kids except the 6 month old at home. He brought the 6 month old with him bc she wasn't old enough to cope well with being left with others yet. And I had a couple friends waiting with dh. And a priest ran by to offer a prayer with dh. Even tho dh isn't Catholic, he really appreciated that gesture.

 

Just because it is an out patient clinic does NOT mean everything is scheduled well in advance or the people aren't there for serious reasons.

 

All of that might seem over the top and stupid or inconsiderate or a waste of time to some people.

 

But it obviously wasn't to us and made a rough patch much less rough than it could have been being alone.

 

All that to say, I know from multiple experiences of various kinds that just bc it is out patient, does not mean it was scheduled well in advance and isn't all that serious.

Edited December 17, 2011 by Martha

[cin]

From the patient's perspective: As I was sitting, waiting for my 1:00 in the afternoon procedure, with nothing to eat or drink since midnight, someone brought in FOOD. Fast food that smelled SO. GOOD. I was starving, and had the patience to prove that my sugar was low. And it was all I could do to not claw her eyes out!!

 

And, if my blood sugar is low and I'm nervous about an upcoming procedure, having your kids running around (maybe with those aromatic chicken nuggets from McDonald's) is probably NOT in their best interest. :D

[Ottakee]

We have done a lot of stints in the hospital, surgeries, ER, etc.

 

I think that one thing here is that this was NOT an emergency (meaning they knew well in advance the day/time) and this was not an on-going thing---family member hospitalized for days/weeks, etc. These outpatient surgery centers are like doctor's offices where they do scheduled more minor surgeries and the person goes home just a few hours later. The stay is general no more than 4-6 hours total--sometimes more, sometimes less.

 

In this case, I think that at least having someone bring the toddler home would have been the best thing all around.

 

It can be different when it is an emergency or a long term thing where family comes to visit often, etc.

 

I have been there when we needed stitches for a 4 year old and I no sitter so I had my other 4 year old and a 3 year old in the room while the one got stitches. Not ideal but I didn't have time to schedule the stitches for a day when I could get a sitter.

 

I have also been in ER with 2 4 year olds, a 3 year old and a baby------again, not ideal but I was bringing grandma up to the hospital to see grandpa (just a quick stay for the kids and I) when she started having chest pains and ended up in ER for heart attack evaluation. As soon as we could though we got me and the kids out of there.

 

I just see a planned couple hour long out patient surgery as vastly different than an emergency or even long term stay thing.

[Murphy101]

You have to do what you have to do. But I see OP's point in this: If the adults were coming and going, then why didn't someone take the kids out and about for a while? When I have my kids in a less than ideal situation, I am always very aware that they're not disturbing people. It's just considerate.

 

:001_huh: just bc there are other adults waiting for the same person does NOT mean any of those adults know my kid or are appropriate people to babysit my kid. Big huge assumption you are making there. For example, if I were to wait for my dad with all the kids in tow, you might see my brother and 2 sisters there and some others. But NONE of those people have EVER had any contact with my kids before. My kids would be less freaked if I left them alone with our librarian!:tongue_smilie:

 

I think the key is being considerate of others and not feeling more entitled to be there than anyone else. If the kids need to go out and burn off some energy at a park or something and are disturbing everyone else, someone in the waiting party should take care of the problem even if it means leaving for a while. If a family is taking over the waiting room and no one else can find a place to sit, they might need to stand or split up.

 

:glare:I agree. I think this is a basic lost art if gentlemanliness. Always give your chair up for elders and women. Women give chairs up for older women or pregnant women or a mom that needs to nurse.

 

From the patient's perspective: As I was sitting, waiting for my 1:00 in the afternoon procedure, with nothing to eat or drink since midnight, someone brought in FOOD. Fast food that smelled SO. GOOD. I was starving, and had the patience to prove that my sugar was low. And it was all I could do to not claw her eyes out!!

 

And, if my blood sugar is low and I'm nervous about an upcoming procedure, having your kids running around (maybe with those aromatic chicken nuggets from McDonald's) is probably NOT in their best interest. :D

 

:glare:I don't think food should be allowed in waiting rooms.

[higginszoo]

One of the problems that I've seen is that because some families bring everyone, other families are left with no place to sit, stand, or otherwise wait.

 

This is a main reason why my dh left me for the second surgery. One or two families taking up 6-8 chairs each when about 2 per patient is budgeted, and he stood through the intake process until he could come back with me, and may have had to stand for the two hours that I was in surgery and recovery. There just wasn't room, I understand wanting to be there for someone, but sometimes when they're unconscious anyway, you're sometimes really being inconsiderate to other patients and their families by having a mob of people there. There was a pre-op appointment there the day before, we saw the situation then, and made a decision not to bring our children, mainly out of being considerate to the fact that there wasn't space for 5 people per patient.

Edited December 17, 2011 by higginszoo

[Jennifer3141]

I've seen some hospitals that limit the number of family members who can be in the outpatient waiting room. If others wish to be at the hospital, they can wait in the main lobby. It is wonderful to be able to say, "it's hospital policy" rather than telling folks not to show up.

 

 

Ours does this and it helps. I get that people are anxious about surgery and want everyone they've ever loved around them but for others, surgery time needs to be quiet and restful. There has to be a reasonable balance.

 

I had a discectomy when I was 5 months pregnant with DS. And I had an infant DD at the time who stayed home with my brother. Everyone else's crying babies irritated me. I just wanted some quiet so I could keep myself from panicking about the surgery and its effects on DS. I was so grateful when that hospital kicked the screaming kids out. It didn't hit me until 20 minutes before going back there that I could die and leave a baby behind or my son could die as a result of the surgery and I panicked. The screaming kids and the kids running all around? Not.so.helpful. :glare:

 

But kids in hospitals squicks me out and always will. Maybe it's because I get to hear bits and pieces of people who end up with post-surgical infections and lose limbs or die and DH ends up treating those people but yuck. The idea of my child crawling around on a floor with MRSA and staph everywhere just turns my stomach. Would I take my children to see their grandparents in the hospital? Yes, of course. (And I have.) Would I take them to an outpatient waiting room for a non-life threatening event? NO.

 

We are so unprepared when it comes to superbugs as a society.