SonshineLearner Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 So, looks like the cancer cells beat the chemo. (We haven't had it diagnosed as terminal, but from all indications and where it is.... we will) My mom had her tumor tested to see which chemo to use; she went for all her chemo.... (and was still in the process of going to her year long follow up chemo treatments) She did all the eating things... (no sugar, all organic...etc...) And more.... And, funny thing, she's eaten the best of anyone I know from when I was little.... Cancer has reappeared... now in her liver and kidney.... So, seems like it's pretty much a done deal. Cancer bites! :( So, now with this little time left, I am wondering.... What do I want to ask her? What do I want to give to her during these few days that I have? And really, even if I had a year, in the scheme of things.... that's just a few days :( She has an incredible faith in God and I know that it's a comfort; it's a comfort to us, too. BUT, face it, death is the suckiest thing I can think of right now ;( I love her :) My dad and mom have been married since they were 18/19 and it's been 40 yrs... I always thought that a 50 yr anniversary party would be great. Oh well, not gonna happen :( I'm just going through what I can offer to her.... to my dad.... and explaining to my dear children that their beloved grammy isn't going to be here anymore :( Who's done this? Who has some pearls of wisdom to share? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Had to let go of my brother 7 years ago. I'd say just be with her, maybe go over old photos or reminisce, if that is comforting. Favorite music, favorite foods, etc. can be nice to share. At the end, he didn't want to talk to me. Talk while you can. I'm so sorry you have to do this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beach Mom Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 So sorry you are walking this road - it is bumpy and sad, and you are right cancer does suck. What I learned is that each person handles it differently. What was right for my Dad in that situation was not right when my Mom was dying. I learned to trust my instincts, not what people around me said. If you feel led to do or not do something, trust that. Be there when you feel led to, take a break when you need to. You will never regret setting aside things to have spent time with them. I have learned that the path is unpredictable and that no matter what a doctor says you never really know. My Dad was given a year to live and lived two weeks, my Mom was given a month and lived four months. When it became clear my Dad was dying quickly, my Mom couldn't cope. She needed nudging to spend time with him as her anger got the best of her. She needed a lot of support and had trouble recognizing that we were losing him too. He needed to know we would be there for her. Let each of your children handle it their own way. You know your kids best and you know what is right for them. My DD was 5 when my Dad died and spent time at his bedside singing songs and reading to him. She needed to be there and she needed to see him after he died. People tried to tell me to keep her away, she was too little, but it was right for her. The biggest lesson I learned is that each day is different, don't try to plan too much beyond tomorrow. I learned to cope a day or sometimes hour at a time. Treasure the moments, have grace for the people who handle things differently than you and pray every day for the strength and grace you need to walk through what that day holds. :grouphug::grouphug: and prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenR Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I don't know what to say. I have no advise to offer. But you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so very, very sorry. My aunt (more like my big sister) died of a brain tumor almost a year ago. We were first told that she would die almost eight years ago--she suffered for seven years before she passed on. As she got sicker and sicker, she still loved the same things and activities that she always had, even with the dementia from the tumor. For her this meant she wanted to type, play the piano and listen to music, and shop. She'd always loved trendy clothes, and that did not change. Accordingly we made it a priority to make sure she still got to do the things she loved. Often my aunt treasured being able to remember happier times. We spent hours laughing over the events of her life. You will cherish such times with your mom. Be matter-of-fact about it, and encourage her to talk, talk, talk. She will love remembering, and you will treasure all the detail she can share. Your mom will also enjoy hearing your memories, and those of her grandchildren. Conversely, often my aunt just wanted to be "normal." I'm sure your mother does not want to spend every minute thinking of the cancer, and of her passing on soon. Acting normal with my aunt, especially after she was brain-damaged, is one of the hardest things I have ever done. HTH. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I don't have advice, just wanted to give you a :grouphug: and let you know you'll be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so very sorry. My mother had a stroke and a decline of three and a half years before passing away a few months before I turned 40. My kids were 11, 5, 3, and 10 months when she died. I did the best I could with many small children to be with my mom during her last months. It was hard, and I wish I had been more available, but I realized early on that I needed to first take care of my kids and then take care of/spend time with my mom. Her decline coincided with one of the hardest and busiest times in my life so there was a constant pull. Somehow I was able to let go of "what ifs" and "should haves" because they are not productive. Do your best to resolve any "old business" with your mom now. After my mom passed away, I had a lot of thoughts of guilt and sadness about conflict we had had during my teens, early adulthood. It was unproductive because in reality, my mom and I had put all of that behind us long before she became ill. However, it came flooding back after she passed away. Also, I wasn't sure that I had ever told my mom that she was one of my best friends and how much I had come to value our relationship. I knew that she knew this, but not knowing if she had heard me say those words was difficult for me to deal with. After she passed away, I found a journal she had kept which talked about our relationship (among other things), and it was reassuring. I also realized right before she died that I had never taken a picture of her with my youngest child. That baby was born after my mom's stroke, and she was never able to hold her so somehow that was just never done. As she lay in a bed semi conscious and on hospice, I held the baby next to my mom's bed and had my husband take some pictures. That was not really how I wanted to remember her, but it was the only option at that point if I wanted a picture of them. I realized, too, that I didn't have many pictures of me and my mom which were recent. One of us was always behind the camera. I'm so very sorry for this road you are walking. Be gentle with yourself. Now, I focus on the incredible blessing that my mother was to me and all of the wonderful things she poured into my life. My life (and the mother I am to my own kids) is now a living memorial to my own precious mother. I am over five years past my loss and it is tolerable now. I can focus on the good. Love, hugs and prayers to you as you walk this path. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'm so sorry :grouphug: I lost my mom 16 years ago to liver cancer. Most of all, I just wish I had slowed my life down a little and just spent time with her. I was young, married and lived far away, so I didn't see her much the last year of her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'm so sorry. If she's not already on hospice, then that's obviously the way to go, I think. People on hospice tend to live longer than people in the same situation not on hospice. We recently lost one of my boys' grandfathers - my step-father. They were close to him but we also had warning - he had advanced cancer as well. One of the best things we did was to make a memory book specifically for the kids to have with some final thoughts from him for them, lots of photos and some thoughts from them about him. I did it myself, but you could use Snapfish or one of those where you compile it. I forget how old your kids are, but for mine, that really gave them something to hold onto and also something to do at the funeral, where they shared the book with all the friends and relatives. It made them feel really proud and connected to everyone and grown up. I think it helped them deal with their grief. I'm lucky that my mother used to work in a hospital and was involved with counselors. She had me talk to her friend, the children's grief counselor. So here's the things I learned from that and dealing with my kids - say the things that are really obvious that you may think you don't need to say. Tell the kids its not their fault, that they didn't do anything to cause this and couldn't, and that you and dh are almost certainly not going to die any time soon, but that if you did, there would be a plan and people would take care of them. Also, using the word "disease" when it's young children, can be helpful so that "sick" doesn't become scary. After all, they're likely to get sick sometimes, as are you and other people they know. And one more - again, I can't remember how old your kids are... but if they're still in elementary school, we found the picture book Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley to be one of the better ones we read about death. Again, I'm really sorry. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I lost my father and 3 uncles and mil to cancer all within a year. Yep...they all were diagnosed and gone within that year. There is no do this...or do that. Follow your heart....and do what you think will be helpful. For my dad...I was pregnant, and had a child with whooping cough....and a baby who was under a year old. He lived 3 hours away. I spent hours a day on the telephone with him, helped my mom the best I could by finding help for her. Because he has my mom, and many, many friends.....he was taken care of well...and we still got to talk...about everything. My mil had just moved to be close by us. She was diagnosed and gone within 6 weeks.....it was awful!! I had a newborn and a young toddler plus 5 other children homeschooling at the time. My sil was pregnant and had 5 kids at home. Between the 2 of us...and dh...and his brother who came up for weekends....we made her as comfortable as possible. We called in Hospice...which was a lifesaver for US. We could leave for a few hours and she would be taken care of...and safe. We all worked together ....and we loved up MeMe the best we could....kids went over and played games....and MeMe would fall asleep....they would nudge her awake and everyone would laugh. She would ask for mashed potatoes...then " teach" me how to mash them....:lol::lol: Anyway.....we all just did the very best we could....and focused in the now...what needs to be done now...are we all ok now?? :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through all this...I agree.....cancer sucks!!! Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 First :grouphug: Can you make videos of her with your kids? Something to allow them to really see and hear her later on. Also, there are quite a few family history books filled with questions. We got one for my grandparents and it has been wonderful to be able to go back and find answers to things we are wondering but can't ask (they wrote out some of the answers and we sat and read some of the questions then videotaped while they answered). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I am so very sorry. My husband's father died a few years ago and there are a few things we wish had gone differently. We should have had a frank and detailed discussion with him about how he wanted the end of his life to go before he became so ill that it was impossible. The other was that we should have brought hospice in much earlier. Hospice could have also helped facilitate the end-of-life discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilesonly Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I lost my mom to cancer 9 yrs. ago, and my dad to cancer 2 months ago. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You're right, it sucks! Time. Spend as much time as you can with her, and forget about things that take up your time that really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. You can clean out your garage later, spend that time w/ her now, while you can. If you can, video tape conversations with her. Ask questions about her childhood, family members, anything you ever wanted to know. Go through old family photos, and write everything down. Be there for whatever she needs. Cooking, cleaning, take her out on drives. I drove my dad to his treatments this summer, and then some days we would drive to the park and sit in the car by the river and watch the ducks. Cook her favorite meals, comfort foods, maybe even a pie- it doesn't matter what she eats- she should enjoy what time she has left, doing whatever she wants to do while she can. Definitely call in Hospice, they are angels! Be with her in the end if you can. Don't hide your children from it all, they need to go through the processes too. But if having them around is too much for her, then you need to respect that. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I don't have any different words than what has been said above but I can give you :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Hospice here was a real blessing for us as well. My mom's cancer was a very painful kind and being on hospice gave her the freedom to stay at home (our house) but still have the high doses of pain medication that she needed. There were days that were rough as I am not a naturally nurse-type, but we made it through and it was better that we were all together. Again, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'm so sorry, I can't imagine. If she's up to it I'd go ahead and have that 50th wedding anniversary party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Not the type of thing you want to think about at this time, but make sure her papers are all in order. Is her husband still living? If so, then it's not as critical. If not, then make sure that one of her children is on the checking account. Bills still need to be paid, even if she can't sign the checks. Make sure that she has a will, a power of attorney, a durable power of attorney (I'm not sure what the difference is) and, lastly, make sure her wishes are known as far as resuscitation. As hard as it is, if she wants a 'Do Not Resuscitate", make sure it is known and followed. We walked this road with my mom, and are currently walking it with dMIL. It is not an easy one to go, but unfortunately, the above items do make it easier. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'm so sorry. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in April. We had less than a month to prepare and say goodbyes. I would sit with her, with a notebook in hand, and write down instructions and last thoughts she had: who got what from the china cabinet; which grandchildren should get what jewelry; what to give to her brothers and sisters, etc. That seemed to take a load off her mind and give her some peace. After a while she got too sick to speak, but she was aware of visitors and could hear us speaking to her. I made sure I told her what a great mom she was and what a great life I'd had with her and my dad. She was content, joyful, and very much at peace in her final days. Death is not pretty, and it did terrible things to her body (I could barely recognize her), but her spirit was beautiful. I could tell that her inner life was growing stronger as her body wasted away. Everyone is different on this journey. I know you'll find the right way for you and your mom. Again, I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Thanks! Lots of good ideas to get through this; I should have a guess how long we have after the appt, which is hopefully this week. I've got out the video recorder, ready to catch her in action as she tells stories and such. I'm also going to have her read some of the books she likes to read to my son. He's 8 and listens to cds each night. I thought that this would be a good thing to do. It's good to hear what others wish they had thought of before it happened to their loved ones. My dad is alive still..... Good and bad with that.... He's such a great guy and has really grown up as part of the whole that they are.... (A real team) BUT, that means that he's missing out on some of the things that he needs to do for himself, without her ;( I plan on spending all the time that she wants with her.... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) --- Edited November 10, 2021 by prairiewindmomma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I am so sorry that your family is facing this. My father died this summer after battling cancer. The biggest thing is to be caring to yourself. The emotions came in waves for me. I was angry, devastated, grief stricken, and sometimes climbed into denial because it hurt so bad. In some ways it shook my faith and in other ways it strengthened it. I learned it is okay to rage at God and in the next breath find comfort. Hospice Care was wonderful. If you are going to be able to be with her a lot then it is important to keep a notebook to keep track of medicines and schedules because they might change on a daily basis and she might get very confused. I would also find out about her cancer and how the end will look. My Dad had horrible cramping in his legs and I was the one who could stand to work them out, because at first it hurt him and then felt better and others had a hard time understanding that it was okay to hurt at first for the relief it provided in moments. The other important thing and perhaps the hardest is to find out how she wants to die. There are times when the pain relief meds carry a risk of death, and if she doesn't make that clear she will not get the best pain relief if it is needed. There might also become a time when you need to let her go. I think that telling her it is okay to go when the time comes is a gift for both of you, and you will know when it is time. If any of your family needs to fly, there are wonderful deals that the airlines offer called Compassion flights. They allow the ability to have flexible flight dates without the financial penalties. Another awful thing to think about is final arrangements. To find out what she wants, and also because when the end comes I believe that in our grief the last way we feel we can show our love is through the decisions we make at that moment and too often I believe we make the most expensive decisions, not because we really want to, but because it becomes a proof of love and is a knee jerk reaction. If the family already has a plan, and yes as distasteful as it sounds a budget the easier it will be to make thoughtful decisions. My last thought is that in the last few months it became very important for my Dad to share memories, and strangely enough stuff. He would pull out things and want to find out about them, and talk about them even though it didn't really make sense to me or my brothers. Looking back I am glad we were uncomfortable enough that we didn't know what to say and just let him talk and ask him questions. I think for him, he already knew that he was leaving behind a loving family, but I think he wanted to see concrete things that he was leaving behind as well. Another way to know he mattered. I don't think anyone's end is the same, and I hate when people say "it was a good death". I HATE IT, HATE IT HATE IT! But with that said, it can be better than awful and can be a gift and loving. Just love yourself, love her, and love each other, everything else is just dressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazyDazy Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this. I know all to well what you are asking. Losing my mom to cancer was and still is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Of course, spend as much time being with her as possible. My children wanted to just hang around even if Mom was sleeping most of the time. For us, doing something special wasn't necessary. Now looking back, I wish I would have gotten video of her (although I'm not sure she would have agreed to do it). Or at least her voice recorded. Those are things I miss now. I also would have asked her how she would have handled future situations with the kids. I had already asked her any questions I had for the ages that the boys were when she was dying but, I never asked her what I would need to know later. I'm sure she would have had some great advice, had I thought to ask. I would have asked more about my early childhood and her childhood. I would have asked how to deal with troubled times in my own marriage, if they were to come up at some point in the future. Really it comes down to any question I never asked I wish I would have. I wish I still could. Make sure that you have a support system outside of your family. Siblings and such will be hurting and may not have anything left to be supportive to you (I was the strong one that everyone else leaned on). It helps to have someone strong on the outside who can hold you up when it all becomes too overwhelming. I had to plan my mom's funeral and I was the executor of her estate so losing her was just the beginning of a very, very long year for me. My siblings were certain that because I was the "strong one" that they could just leave me to it. My friends saved me more than once. Cherish what time you have. Remember every moment. These are priceless memories. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'm so sorry. I have not walked this path with a family member, but with a close friend. One of my biggest thoughts for you is to let other things go and spend time with your Mom. I have never been sorry for doing this. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I have nothing to add but :grouphug: We are currently going through the same with my father-in-law. It is hard. Blessings to you and your mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 :grouphug: dh's dad died of pancreatic cancer. we had three months from diagnosis until he died... things we are glad of: - dh went thru his memory and chose cds of music his dad had enjoyed at different points in his life. we gave him a cd player for his bedroom, so he spent his end time surrounded by music he loved. - hospice - we moved the family 6 hours away into his home and were there the last six weeks with him - we let him decide what he wanted to eat and when... - we talked with him about medication for pain, etc, hydration, etc when he could still decide - we took time each evening for us as a couple, just even 15 minutes where we would sit together... it sustained us thru the caregiving and the tears :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Carrie, my prayers are with your family.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 My mom died of breast cancer 8 years ago. She was home on hospice to the end. My dad died of a stroke last spring, but he was home on hospice for a couple of weeks too. My advice, I don't know. It is hard. Spend every moment you can with her. You won't regret a second. Talk about anything you think of and anything she brings up. Mom and I had some great conversations that helped us understand each other and we were close to start with. Be careful with your children. Let them be there and participate, but have your dh be a shelter for them if it becomes too much. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learningmama Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 :grouphug: Sending prayers and strength for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aludlam Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I just wanted to say that this time is not only about your mom, but it's about you too. You need to be sure that you get/do everything you need to do during this time for your peace of mind. Your mom will be gone to a much better place than this earth, but you will be left here .... make sure that you've done everything that you need to do for you. When your mom is feeling bad or is weak, you'll need to be there for the physical help she will need. Sometimes, you will need a very strong stomach and a smile. But, no matter how bad she feels, she's still going to want grandkids to bounce on her bed and crush her with hugs (you will worry more about that than she does). When she's feeling good, let her be your mama. She's still the boss of you ... she'll need that ... and so will you. Let her hold you when you cry ... it's her job. Talk to her about how not fair it is ... she'll listen ... it's her job. She's had this job your whole life, don't take it away from her. My mom helped me plan her funeral. We had the best time! When else can you laugh about something like that? Your memories and your conversations with your kids will keep her memory with them. And don't forget that only God knows when our time on this earth will be over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Thanks for all your thoughts so far :) It's a bittersweet blessing to have time to think about everything.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 :grouphug:I too have dealt with this. My mom died of breast cancer 15 years ago. My father had died 4 years before. She didn't want us to know, so she kept up a good face as much as she could, finally she was thinking she should go see one of the kids in another state, one of my sibs flew with her, they took a trip to a place she'd always wanted to go to. She could barely walk, but it meant everything to her to spend time with those two and the one's kids. When she came home, she was pretty much finished. I mean, she didn't want to give up, she didn't want us to know that she was dying, but it was obvious. I took her to be hydrated at the oncologist's and they told me of the seriousness. I knew anyway. She put up a big front on the pain issue, didn't want to be on morphine, didn't want to have hospice, because that would mean the end was near, or that she would become a drug addict. She was in the worst pain she'd ever had and sibling and I convinced her to have hospice, and the wonderful hospice nurse suggested the morphine. The hospice people are not there 24/7. They come to check on the patient, administer pain relief. I can't remember how often they came, but I was surprised they didn't stay for longer periods of time. Be sure that you know what the role of hospice is and how it can help your mom and dad, and you. Make sure they know that you can be included in on the care plan. It went by much faster than anyone thought it would...Just be sure to not let people in to see her that she doesn't want to see. We had issues with that and nearly had to stand blocking the way from well-meaning but annoying friends. The rights and wishes of the patient above all else. The circle closes. She didn't want my quiet, respectful, good children around. She didn't want them to see her. She didn't want to eat. You have to respect your mom, her every wish, as much as you are able. And your dad...he is going to need his space and might not want to spend his healing time with the kids (meaning you and your sibs). My mom and MIL just wanted to be left alone in the evenings after their dh's died. :grouphug::grouphug:I learned that we should have had hospice come in a day earlier. She died within 2 days of hospice starting to come in. I'm grateful I was there with all (but one) of my sibs and my dh when she died.:grouphug:I'm sorry. You have my deepest sympathies. You need to talk, you can p.m. me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Carrie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I lost my mom to cancer 9 yrs. ago, and my dad to cancer 2 months ago. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You're right, it sucks! Time. Spend as much time as you can with her, and forget about things that take up your time that really don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. You can clean out your garage later, spend that time w/ her now, while you can. If you can, video tape conversations with her. Ask questions about her childhood, family members, anything you ever wanted to know. Go through old family photos, and write everything down. Be there for whatever she needs. Cooking, cleaning, take her out on drives. I drove my dad to his treatments this summer, and then some days we would drive to the park and sit in the car by the river and watch the ducks. Cook her favorite meals, comfort foods, maybe even a pie- it doesn't matter what she eats- she should enjoy what time she has left, doing whatever she wants to do while she can. Definitely call in Hospice, they are angels! Be with her in the end if you can. Don't hide your children from it all, they need to go through the processes too. But if having them around is too much for her, then you need to respect that. :iagree: Spend as much time with her as you humanly can. Video tape , ask her about favorite recipes, things she would like to say to your children when their older, anything that she really wants to say. I'll admit there were things my mom made that I wish I had the recipe to. Take lots of pictures. One thing I wish I had more of was pictures of my mom. I lost her 16 yrs ago to breast cancer . I was 18yrs old and my youngest brother was 5 and the other 7. I wish I had had more time with her. Just cuddle and hug her. If you have anything to clear the air about , do it now. There is no right or wrong thing to do. But do spend as much time with her as much as you can before she is unable to communicate with you. Sending you lots of hugs. Your right Cancer bites the big one. I wish it didn't even exist. I even have a friend who is in her early 40's who was just recently diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Not to mention her youngest was born with medical problems ( the same as my youngest daughter). So it makes it all the harder for her. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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