regentrude Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 deleted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 For me, it would totally depend on the 21 yo. If I trusted him/her, then, yes. I think I would allow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It would depend on the maturity 21 year-old and the maturity of my child. If I knew and trusted the 21 year-old, I'd consider it. You could get into a lot of trouble with the wrong 21 year-old at an NFL game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'd probably want to meet the 21yo, but assuming they seemed responsible, I likely would. I went to a concert in NYC with two of my cousins who were 19 and 21 when I was 13, and I had such a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It would depend on the 21 year old. Did I trust their character, do I trust my dd, does she know how to drive in the city traffic, and how well does she know town around the stadium. It can be easy to get turned around leaving a stadium and end up in part of town that you'd rather not be lost in. My dh would say definitely no, I would say maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I don't know if I'd let mine, but yours already spends 30 hours a week with these people at the barn, yes? It sounds like a nice, supported step out into the adult world. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 No. And I have let my 13 -14 years go abroad (for 6 weeks to a year) without me. 21 is different and so is an NFL game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 That is a hard call without more info about both your dd and the responsible adult. All I can say is maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I would have to say it depends. How well do you know the 21 year old. How responsible are they? Is there any chance they would be drinking? How mature is the 14 year old. I would lean towards no but after that initial response I thought of one or two 21 year olds from church that I might trust if it were the right situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 probably not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 maybe, it depends on how well I know and trust the friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 If I felt completely comfortable with the 21 year old - yes, I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flopsymopsy Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 nope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 no way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissymama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, I wouldn't. I don't really understand why a 21yo would want to hang out with a 14yo in that kind of situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 This would be a maybe. I'd need to know the 21 yo well. I'd need to have details directly from her, etc. etc. ... Given that my soon to be 14 yo is pretty responsible, I could see that there could be a circumstance where I might consider it. My older dc was not very responsible at 14, I'm not sure I would have considered it with him. So depends on the 21yo and the 14yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'd consider it. It would not be an automatic "yes" or an automatic "no". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, sorry. Too far away for a 14 yo to go with a young 21 yo. While it's true 21 may legally be an adult, that is still very young. Also, the maturity span b/t 14 - 21 is significant. I didn't even look first to see if you posted your answer....;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 DD has been invited by a 21 y/o young woman she is friends with through riding to join her and a friend to go to a NFL football game in the city which is 100 miles away.Would you let your 14 y/o DD go? ETA: We already made up our mind, but I am just curious what most people would do. Yes. Probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, I wouldn't. I don't really understand why a 21yo would want to hang out with a 14yo in that kind of situation. They hang out together at the barn and are friends. That's probably all there is to it. I used to hang out with a kid ten years me junior because we liked each other and treated each other like sisters. I even spared her parents the trauma of taking her shopping for her first bra, lol. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 For me, it would totally depend on the 21 yo. If I trusted him/her, then, yes. I think I would allow it. :iagree: Less risky than horseback riding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Probably. I am guessing you know the 21 yo, approve of her and that she is also a she (surely you said that in the op). If you didn't know her or didn't approve, I doubt there would even be a question: automatic "no" under those facts. I do have a 14 yo and could see letting her do the same. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 At 21 I had graduated college, married, and had a baby. So, depending on the 21yo, sure, I'd allow it. But I would have to know and trust them well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bug's Mom Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 We're missing some important information....who's playing?:tongue_smilie: For me, it would depend on how well I knew/trusted the 21-year-old AND dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Probably not. A lot would depend on the 21 yr old. Does the 14 yr old have a cell phone should she become separated or if things go wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 If I trusted the young lady, then yes I would let dd go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Her daughter is not intellectually at the level of a 14 year old. I agree that probably many 21 year olds wouldn't automatically think they would want to hang out with a 14 year old, but if they hang out regularly and get along, then I don't see the problem. I'm actually surprised that anybody here would think it was weird; isn't one of the much-touted benefits of homeschooling that it doesn't limit children to age-segregated socializing? I had a neighbor growing up who was about six years older than I was. She had two brothers but no sisters. When she was in high school, she used to sometimes hang out with me and my sister, and do big sister-little sister type stuff with us, like doing hair and taking us to the mall for ice cream. It was fun. I've also always had older cousins who would do fun stuff with us. I guess I don't see anything weird about a 21-year-old wanting to spend time with a 14-year-old. Those kind of big sister-little sister friendships can be nice on both sides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdwinglips Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Definitely no. 14 is too young in my opinion to be in such a huge crowd, so far away with a 'friend'. Besides, I am confused as to why a 21 yo would want a 14 yo hanging out with them. Seems a bit odd to me. Just my 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm actually surprised that anybody here would think it was weird; isn't one of the much-touted benefits of homeschooling that it doesn't limit children to age-segregated socializing? I had a neighbor growing up who was about six years older than I was. She had two brothers but no sisters. When she was in high school, she used to sometimes hang out with me and my sister, and do big sister-little sister type stuff with us, like doing hair and taking us to the mall for ice cream. It was fun. I've also always had older cousins who would do fun stuff with us. I guess I don't see anything weird about a 21-year-old wanting to spend time with a 14-year-old. Those kind of big sister-little sister friendships can be nice on both sides. __________________ This person is not a relative though. Also, I think that's too far away for a 14 year old to go. JMO.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No. The 21 yr old may be very trustworthy but 14 is too young to be without a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm with everyone else. It would depend on the 14 year old and the 21 year old, but if they were both mature and responsible, I would definitely let her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 DD has been invited by a 21 y/o young woman she is friends with through riding to join her and a friend to go to a NFL football game in the city which is 100 miles away.Would you let your 14 y/o DD go? ETA: We already made up our mind, but I am just curious what most people would do. I'm going with NO but my oldest is only 14. When my youngest is 14 I'll probably think it is no big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 It depends on the people. I know a 21 year old young lady from our church that I would have no problems with what so ever letting my 13 year old do this with. I if I didn't know the person well then there is no way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm actually surprised that anybody here would think it was weird; isn't one of the much-touted benefits of homeschooling that it doesn't limit children to age-segregated socializing? I had a neighbor growing up who was about six years older than I was. She had two brothers but no sisters. When she was in high school, she used to sometimes hang out with me and my sister, and do big sister-little sister type stuff with us, like doing hair and taking us to the mall for ice cream. It was fun. I've also always had older cousins who would do fun stuff with us. I guess I don't see anything weird about a 21-year-old wanting to spend time with a 14-year-old. Those kind of big sister-little sister friendships can be nice on both sides. :iagree: One of my dear friends is 25, I'm 44. We moved and I miss her terribly, she was so fun to hang out with. I don't find the relationship odd at all. As adults we bond with people different ages. I also agree that from what Regentrude has previously posted, her dd is more mature than the average 14 year old. The relationship would not affect my decision as much as the driving/directions hazard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aquinas Academy Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, I wouldn't. I don't really understand why a 21yo would want to hang out with a 14yo in that kind of situation. Friends don't have to be the same age. Both my teenage DDs have adult friends. In terms of their interests, these adults are my children's peers. Just because they don't fit with the age segregated school system doesn't mean these friendships are weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm going with NO but my oldest is only 14.When my youngest is 14 I'll probably think it is no big deal. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I am not sure. Probably not. My daughters are no strangers even to extended stays abroad - at far greater distances - without their parents; however, it is always with family or very trustworthy family friends (who are typically some sort of distant relatives anyway). Those are people who basically treat them as their own children and most of them have children as well, so it is a different type of relationship. I know that it is quite unlikely for anything inappropriate to take place and that there is always a responsable and resourceful adult nearby. Whatever might happen - a medical necessity, a legal problem, an urgent need to depart or "merely" an emotional problem - a responsible adult can be reached. There is somebody who has the maturity, the skills to solve the problem, the money if needed, etc. I am not sure that a 21 year old child (for she is basically still a child at that age, if without economic independence, a family of her own, etc.; also probably still a fairly inexperienced driver in many cases, which may be relevant here) HAS those qualities. I am also not sure to what extent they could be trusted that nothing inappropriate would take place if an opportunity arises. It would greatly depend on the 21 year old, I would have to know them well, but also on the maturity of my child. So, possibly I would let her go if I judged it was a good match, but if in any doubt, I would tend to err on the safe side. What was your decision? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm going with NO but my oldest is only 14.When my youngest is 14 I'll probably think it is no big deal. Funny you should mention that. I was thinking that of course we would...but then I caught myself and realized I let our younger two do things the older two were never allowed to do. Take the train to downtown Chicago and hang out with friends all weekend? Sure- have fun and make sure your phone is charged. The oldest is not amused that the youngest has so much freedom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I would, if it was something I knew and thought the person was responsible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) Thanks for all the answers. I was really curious to see where we stand compared to average, because we usually are on the permissive side and give DD more freedom than many other parents do. Our decision was No, because of several factors: distance from home in case of emergency/getting lost/getting uncomfortable, crowded football situation, not knowing friend of friend. After some initial arguing, DD was actually OK with our decision. Btw, I do not find it strange that she has older friends; in fact, almost all her friends except for one are older. They hang out at the barn or get together to bake or stuff like that. So, the personality of the friend was not the issue. Edited October 28, 2011 by regentrude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the answers. I was really curious to see where we stand compared to average, because we usually are on the permissive side and give DD more freedom than many other parents do. Our decision was No, because of several factors: distance from home in case of emergency/getting lost/getting uncomfortable, crowded football situation, not knowing friend of friend. After some initial arguing, DD was actually OK with our decision. Btw, I do not find it strange that she has older friends; in fact, almost all her friends except for one are older. They hang out at the barn or get together to bake or stuff like that. So, the personality of the friend was not the issue. I hope you are ready for her boyfriend to be 6 years older than her. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a boy that much older as well. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, gets married/pregnant (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the older boy others welcomed him hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I hope you are ready for her boyfriend to be 6 years older than her. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a boy that much older as well. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, gets married/pregnant (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the older boy others welcomed him hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the relationship. We will cross that bridge when we get there. She has nothing in common with kids her own age- they do not share any interests. The environment at the barn with a group of young women, all successful hardworking college students and grad students who balance schoolwork and their passion for horses is great for her. These are the role models I want her to see - not a bunch of other 14y/olds in public school. (her other activity is university choir where she is again surrounded by college students to whom she can better relate than to same age peers) At this point, DD has no interest in boys. This will come, surely, and at that time, maybe her boyfriend will be older than her, maybe not. I am not worrying at this point about something that may not ever happen. I am most definitely not restricting her circle of friends because of this fear; her social environment has been extremely beneficial to her. A shared interest is a great bond, and she needs the interaction with people who are more her intellectual peers than kids of the same age. (Oh, and there are no boys at the barn ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I hope you are ready for her boyfriend to be 6 years older than her. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a boy that much older as well. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, gets married/pregnant (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the older boy others welcomed him hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the relationship. Wow. Jumping ahead a bit based off a simple statement about their child having older friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I hope you are ready for her boyfriend to be 6 years older than her. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a boy that much older as well. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, gets married/pregnant (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the older boy others welcomed him hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the relationship. :confused::001_huh::001_unsure: That is one of the oddest responses I've read in a long time. Your lived reality of seeing things, people, and situations is so very different from mine. I can't immediately name *one* girl who ended up married/pregnant and you've seen it "too much". I can't think of one child I know personally who dated more than 4 years outside of their age range while a minor. And you've seen a lot of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No.21 is different and so is an NFL game. :iagree: Lesley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No. ETA: My 13 yo dd is reading over my shoulder, and even she says NO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 We will cross that bridge when we get there. She has nothing in common with kids her own age- they do not share any interests. The environment at the barn with a group of young women, all successful hardworking college students and grad students who balance schoolwork and their passion for horses is great for her. These are the role models I want her to see - not a bunch of other 14y/olds in public school. (her other activity is university choir where she is again surrounded by college students to whom she can better relate than to same age peers) At this point, DD has no interest in boys. This will come, surely, and at that time, maybe her boyfriend will be older than her, maybe not. I am not worrying at this point about something that may not ever happen. I am most definitely not restricting her circle of friends because of this fear; her social environment has been extremely beneficial to her. A shared interest is a great bond, and she needs the interaction with people who are more her intellectual peers than kids of the same age. (Oh, and there are no boys at the barn ;-) As a person who has been happily married for 14 years to dh who is five years older than me I don't think that's the worst thing that could happen to your daughter.:001_smile: I think the whole idea that I'd a teenager is given any freedom they will get pregnant is ridiculous. Teenagers are not animals...they can have self-control just like an adult. I think we have to do our best and teach them right and not worry about it. There are plenty of 14 year old girls and boys who would potentially be horrible influences. Take a trip to the local high school and they are available in large numbers. To me, part of the benefit to homeschooling is providing appropriate social interaction with people of all ages. Of course, according to pp I might be an unqualified opinion since I've sacrificed some dreams to pursue a different calling...being an excellent wife & raising & educating my child:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 :confused::001_huh::001_unsure: That is one of the oddest responses I've read in a long time. Your lived reality of seeing things, people, and situations is so very different from mine. I can't immediately name *one* girl who ended up married/pregnant and you've seen it "too much". I can't think of one child I know personally who dated more than 4 years outside of their age range while a minor. And you've seen a lot of it. Do you realize that you post this in response to almost everything that I post? Feel free to pm me if you wish have a dialogue, otherwise please stop with the personal attacks. He asked for opinions from the boards. Your opinion can differ and you can post it without attacking me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Wow. Jumping ahead a bit based off a simple statement about their child having older friends. I grew up in a small town. This was commonplace. I'm glad the OP's daughter has a great circle of friends. I hope that it all works out well for her. I just felt it necessary to post my observations based on my life experiences. For the pp who married in this situation. That's great that it's worked for you. I know those who it has worked for and those who it hasn't. I'm not sitting in judgement on anyone. There's really no need to get snippy with/about someone who has a differing opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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