TMI. Who should get sterilized: the man or the woman??

[awisha.]

This might be possible TMI.

 

The DH and I have two children and we don't want any more for various reasons. I can't get my tubes done because I am "too young" (I am 26) and might end up regretting it later on (I was told that by a OB/GYN). But I feel that making DH get the snip is 'wrong' in a way??

Also I have tried every type of contraception (pill, implanon, IUD, rings etc) and they didn't work, I just bled non stop. Umm, 'rubber' things irritate me and feel gross (I have tried non latex ones).

I am so scared of getting pregnant that our teA activities are next to none existant and our relationship is slowly suffering for it.

 

What is your opinion on the sterilization subject fellow WTM'ers?? Should I just make the husband get it done?? Or is there something else we could consider??

Edited October 6, 2011 by awisha
clarifying info

[justamouse]

I got my tubes tied and a year later really regretted it. But, while I wanted them done, I hated those Drs that refused with a burning fire. Yikes, I'm eating my words, now.

 

I refused to make my dh do it if he didn't want. That's not fair, either.

 

I was like you and had bad reactions to just about all BC (no pills-hormonal *****, much?, latex allergy, PID from an IUD). Can you try NFP? I never knew about it until after my tubes were tied, but I think had I not gotten it done, it would have been the next on the list to try.

Edited October 6, 2011 by justamouse

[Julie Smith]

Assuming someone is getting fixed, the man. I say this because it's a easy procedure for a man, compared to a woman.

[Rivka]

One thing to consider is that the male surgery is less invasive, less painful, and has lower risk of complications. Have you discussed it with your husband? I wouldn't "make" him do it, but we'd sure have a conversation about it.

[Stayseeliz]

I had my tubes tied after 4 babies and 2 SUPER tough pregnancies. Months of bedrest, crazy high blood pressure, preterm labor etc. I KNEW we were done. KNEW FOR SURE AND THEN SOME! I had the tubal because I was having a c-section though so they were already in there. I was like you though and couldn't take anything hormonal, hate condoms, etc. The tubal has been fine.

 

If no one was pregnant I would suggest the man go under the knife if you want something permanent. It's just much easier and much less involved.

 

Don't got for it unless you know that you know that you know you're done. We almost did something after number 3 and I'm so glad we didn't even though #4 was my hardest pregnancy yet! I'm so glad my youngest is here!

[TXBeth]

Should I just make the husband get it done?? Or is there something else we could consider??

 

Well, of course you shouldn't make him get it done. But surely knowing how much easier it is for a man he would volunteer? Unless, of course, he wants more kids and you don't, in which case it doesn't make sense for him to do something permanent.

[PeacefulChaos]

Really? The OB wouldn't do it???? I had mine done at 26, when I had my 3rd c/s.

Our decision was that we would TTC from July 2008-February 2009 (youngest DS would be 4 in November of 09, and I didn't want any more if there would be more than 4 years between the last 2). If I was NOT pg by Feb 09, DH would get the surgery. If I WAS, I would get it done when I had the c/s.

I found out I was pg Sept 1 of 08. So it was a non-issue. For me, if they would be in there anyway, it made more sense for me to do it. But if that hadn't been the case, we were all for DH doing it. :)

ETA: The procedure is a lot less complicated for the man, I've heard. Which is why had it not been for me being in the OR already, I wouldn't have done it myself.

Also, we were 100% positive (and still are!) that 3 was it for us. We've always wanted 3, and we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was it. If you aren't 100% sure, I wouldn't do it either way. (We were going to when I was pg with younger DS, but about halfway through the pregnancy I felt like we should wait. So we did. Thank goodness! DD lights up our world! :D )

Edited October 6, 2011 by PeacefulChaos

[justamouse]

Well, of course you shouldn't make him get it done. But surely knowing how much easier it is for a man he would volunteer? Unless, of course, he wants more kids and you don't, in which case it doesn't make sense for him to do something permanent.

 

My Dh didn't want more kids, he just wouldn't let anyone snip him, point blank. :D And, I wasn't pressing it because I knew how hard of a decision it was for ME.

 

AND, he asked me to NOT, but I did anyway. So it wasn't like he was pressing me to do something he wouldn't.

[justamouse]

Really? The OB wouldn't do it???? I had mine done at 26, when I had my 3rd c/s.

Our decision was that we would TTC from July 2008-February 2009 (youngest DS would be 4 in November of 09, and I didn't want any more if there would be more than 4 years between the last 2). If I was NOT pg by Feb 09, DH would get the surgery. If I WAS, I would get it done when I had the c/s.

I found out I was pg Sept 1 of 08. So it was a non-issue. For me, if they would be in there anyway, it made more sense for me to do it. But if that hadn't been the case, we were all for DH doing it. :)

 

NONE of the OBs I begged to would do it. Not until I was 38 did I find one that would.

[Momof3littles]

One thing to consider is that the male surgery is less invasive, less painful, and has lower risk of complications. Have you discussed it with your husband? I wouldn't "make" him do it, but we'd sure have a conversation about it.

:iagree:

 

We aren't 100% set on doing anything permanent, but feel our family is complete. DH has offered to get a vasectomy. I'm not 100% positive that I'm ready for that (we feel our hands are very full with the three kids we have, but I probably have 7-8 years of fertility, and I won't say I'm absolutely ready to commit to something permanent).

 

When we were living in big college basketball territory, the "NCAA tourney vasectomy" was a popular option according to the local papers. The surgery is done and the guy recovers during the tournament. The doc may send a free pizza his way while he recovers at home. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MensHealthNews/march-madness-means-bets-basketball-vasectomies/story?id=10140703

 

There is actually some good info on vasectomies in that article.

 

Maybe you can time it to his preferred sports season? :D

 

Here's another---pizza and peas.

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/02/19/national/main6224127.shtml

[LittleIzumi]

Dh has already volunteered for the snip after the next baby. :glare: It is less invasive, has a lower risk of complications, and is more easily reversed, so if we do anything relatively permanent, it would be on him.

[AK_Mom4]

We are in the same position - done having kids.

 

DH does not want to have a vasectomy and feels that very strongly. I respect that - his body, his choice.

 

I have good luck with the Mirena IUD. However, if it did not work out for me, my next step would be to have my tubes tied. And I would find another OB if the first one turned me down.

 

I will say, however, that this is something that DH and I discussed quite thoroughly before we came to a resolution that was acceptable to both of us. Took us about 6 months, lol....

[PeacefulChaos]

NONE of the OBs I begged to would do it. Not until I was 38 did I find one that would.

 

Hmm...I guess maybe it was because I had 3 c sections?

If it were up to me (and there weren't bad side effects of it, like menopause...) I would have just had a hysterectomy at the time. It sucks having no reason to have a monthly cycle anymore, but still having to have one for another, oh, idk, 20 years???!!! Sigh...

[LittleIzumi]

I do know a woman who had the "Adiana" procedure instead of a tubal ligation. :) http://www.adiana.com/

[PeacefulChaos]

We are in the same position - done having kids.

 

DH does not want to have a vasectomy and feels that very strongly. I respect that - his body, his choice.

 

I have good luck with the Mirena IUD. However, if it did not work out for me, my next step would be to have my tubes tied. And I would find another OB if the first one turned me down.

 

I will say, however, that this is something that DH and I discussed quite thoroughly before we came to a resolution that was acceptable to both of us. Took us about 6 months, lol....

 

I LOVED the Mirena. :) I had it between DS and DD. I had no periods on it or anything. It was awesome. :) I had an ectopic after I got it taken out, though, so I couldn't ever get one again.

[ChristusG]

*Definitely* the man. It's a MUCH less invasive surgery. And plus, the woman has had to go through pregnancy and labor....the least the man can do is get a little snip.

[Greeny]

Like PPs I think it makes more sense for the man to get it done because (from my understanding) it's a fairly simple out patient procedure. Whereas a tubal is a longer recovery and has a higher rate of more severe complications.

[linguistmama]

I wouldn't make my husband get one. But it is much less invasive and more effective than a tubal. I'm on hg pregnancy #3 and we are for sure done! Hormones do not agree with me and this baby, while very much loved, was either a condom failure or an nfp failure. I could try a copper iud, but a vasectomy is more effective. Essure hasn't been out long enough for me to trust it.

 

I think it is good for doctors to discuss the permanency of sterilization because many people do change their minds later. DH and I have discussed this and it is easier for us since we are older and it's for health reasons. Even if I died and he remarried he is at an age where he would feel done. Having had hg all 3 times I am well aware that it often gets worse with each pregnancy and it has for me. I was actually surprised that the urologist didn't push for dh to wait longer. The practice does have a 30 day waiting period from the initial consult to discuss vasectomy to the actual operation.

[awisha.]

Thanks for the replies already ladies.

DH has told me that he would get the snip. But it is just that I feel odd about him getting it done and not me.

[linguistmama]

If he's ok with it then I think it is fine for him to take a turn. :)

[Aelwydd]

Yeah, if he decides to have it done, then it totally makes more sense for him to do it. It's a very fast procedure, but be sure to wait a month or so afterwards before having unprotected intercourse. It takes that long for all the plumbing to be "cleared out" of viable semen!

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

One thing to consider is that the male surgery is less invasive, less painful, and has lower risk of complications. Have you discussed it with your husband? I wouldn't "make" him do it, but we'd sure have a conversation about it.

 

After four pregnancies/births plus a miscarriage it was absolutely reasonable for hubby to have the less invasive, lower risk procedure (and he readily agreed). Honestly, I bet he was in less pain after the surgery than I was in the first week of breastfeeding each baby, not even considering 39 months of pregnancy, a D&C, and four labors. :glare:

[Stages]

After this baby is born (in April), DH is getting a vasectomy if we can find a doctor that will do it on someone his age. He'll be 28, I'll be 25.

 

There are a lot of factors going in to our decision- our insurance is terrible and wouldn't cover an IUD or any complications from an IUD. (So, if I had to get one surgically removed, we would have to pay for that out of pocket.) Sterilization is much easier on a man than on a woman, and that was a huge deciding factor. My mom actually offered to help us pay for the vasectomy, though. :D

[staceyobu]

Thanks for the replies already ladies.

DH has told me that he would get the snip. But it is just that I feel odd about him getting it done and not me.

 

Don't feel odd. You've done the pregnancies and deliveries. It's his turn to take one for the team.

[WiseOwlKnits]

Definitely the guy. Way easier on them.

[Momling]

Plus... if you did decide later on that you want to have more kids, sperm is a whole lot cheaper to buy than donor eggs and in-vitro fertilization (the difference of $200 and $20,000. My dad had a vasectomy that he regretted, and I have a brother who came into being via a sperm donor. It's a complete non-issue for both my brother and my dad.

[QueenCat]

For medical reasons, my ob recommended I not get pregnant again when I was pregnant with #2. We decided if I had a c-section, I would have my tubes tied then. If I didn't, dh would do it. Since I had a c-section, they were tied within minutes of giving birth.

[Cheryl in NM]

This might be possible TMI.

 

The DH and I have two children and we don't want any more for various reasons. I can't get my tubes done because I am "too young" (I am 26) and might end up regretting it later on (I was told that by a OB/GYN). But I feel that making DH get the snip is 'wrong' in a way??

Also I have tried every type of contraception (pill, implanon, IUD, rings etc) and they didn't work, I just bled non stop. Umm, 'rubber' things irritate me and feel gross (I have tried non latex ones).

I am so scared of getting pregnant that our teA activities are next to none existant and our relationship is slowly suffering for it.

 

What is your opinion on the sterilization subject fellow WTM'ers?? Should I just make the husband get it done?? Or is there something else we could consider??

 

This is why Dh got snipped. He was totally willing. He had 2 kids when we got married, but really wanted me to experience being a mother and wanted to actually be able to raise one of his kids so we had one. Ds was 6 weeks old when Dh had his vasectomy. I was too young for any kind of sterilization, the doctor wouldn't even give me and IUD. It's physically easier on the guys as well. Sorry guys.

[JennyD]

Our family is also complete, but my DH will not hear of me getting a tubal -- he thinks that it would be absurd for me to go through that when a vasectomy would be much easier and safer, and in any event he feels that my body has been through enough. And I can't say that I disagree.

 

So it will be him, for sure. But it's me who's holding off on the whole thing; I know in my heart that we're done, but making it final ...

[cloversandlions]

DH was planning to get snipped as soon as his new job benefits took effect. Ha...I got pregnant in the weeks before the first month of insurance kicked in. There were no urologists who would give him a V until after the baby was 6 months (or weeks...I can't remember) old.

 

I'd read that tubal ligation wasn't recommended immediately following a c-section (I'm not sure this is actually true or not, but I figured I had enough going on down there), so dh agreed to take on the responsibility. Plus, I don't think he wanted anymore children anyway, you know?

 

But...I will say we are both SO glad baby #3 snuck in under the radar, and there have been a few moments (fleeting, of course...very fleeting :lol:) that I wouldn't have minded if the urologist's handiwork somehow failed. Apparently, though, he did his job well. :tongue_smilie:

 

Also, my good friend's XH had his V reversed when he remarried, so there's at least that possibility. For someone else, I mean...not for MY dh. Heh.

[Audrey]

I don't think anyone should force, coherce, or even strongly persuade anyone else to undergo permanent sterilization. If you want it so badly, but he doesn't, then you should be the one to have the procedure. If he wants it badly, but you don't, then he should have the procedure.

 

If neither of you is fully willing to undergo the procedure, then consider another method of birth control.

[mrs.m]

I'd read that tubal ligation wasn't recommended immediately following a c-section (I'm not sure this is actually true or not, but I figured I had enough going on down there), so dh agreed to take on the responsibility. Plus, I don't think he wanted anymore children anyway, you know?

 

Nope, not at all true (or I'd like to see a source on that). My Dr. said that's the best time to get it. They are already poking around in there so another surgery isn't required. She said that would be safer than having my DH go through a procedure because he could get an infection. Healing wasn't a problem since I had to recover from a C-setion.

[Katy]

IDK how scientifically sound this is, but I read on the http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/ blog that there are high rates of relationship failure after a vasectomy. The writer theorized it was because there are so many compounds in semen that act like a drug for the woman, making her feel more bonded to him. For that reason he didn't recommend vasectomy. It may be total hogwash, but I thought I'd throw that out there just in case it's not.

 

FWIW, I don't do great with most hormones, but I love NuvaRing. I take it continuously and end up with spotting 1-2 days a month, when I change the ring.

[Pretty in Pink]

If I were already going to be cut open for a c-section the I would get it done. I'm not (unless something goes wrong with this delivery) so he is getting it done. This is our last baby. We both know that. We are so done.

 

We both agree that if I can go through five pregnancies/deliveries that he can go through this relatively minor procedure.

[freerange]

One thing to consider is that the male surgery is less invasive, less painful, and has lower risk of complications. Have you discussed it with your husband? I wouldn't "make" him do it, but we'd sure have a conversation about it.

:iagree: If you're both on the same page re. being done with babies, its much easier for the man to be snipped.

[JFSinIL]

One thing to consider is that the male surgery is less invasive, less painful, and has lower risk of complications. Have you discussed it with your husband? I wouldn't "make" him do it, but we'd sure have a conversation about it.

 

I agree.

[DawnM]

What? No poll? :D

[sixpence1978]

Yup. Definitely make sure you are both done done having children. Then, if he is willing, he should get the snip. Like people have said, it's far less invasive.

 

That being said, I got my tubes tied when I was 25. I was given a bit of the "you're so young" speech, but I already had my 2 kids and was sure that was the size we wanted for our family. I had to sign a paper though saying something to the effect that I was of sound mind and knew what I was doing. I didn't make my DH get the vasectomy because (TMI alert!) he was born undescended. He had 2 surgeries as a kid that only partially worked. It would have been just as invasive for him to get the procedure than for me.

[hsmom23]

IDK how scientifically sound this is, but I read on the http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/ blog that there are high rates of relationship failure after a vasectomy. The writer theorized it was because there are so many compounds in semen that act like a drug for the woman, making her feel more bonded to him. For that reason he didn't recommend vasectomy. It may be total hogwash, but I thought I'd throw that out there just in case it's not.

 

FWIW, I don't do great with most hormones, but I love NuvaRing. I take it continuously and end up with spotting 1-2 days a month, when I change the ring.

 

I don't know if this is true or not, but I have to say that for my husband and I it has only built our relationship. The umm, freedom, is nice and we love not having to worry about birth control. We were young, but we started young too and we had our reasons. The urologist made us go through a waiting period and did an assessment of our reasonings. I think maybe they might be more resistant with people who have less than 3 kids though, as thats how it seemed when we talked about it after DD2. Right now, I wouldn't change the decision. As a previous poster said, I have had my moments where the thought of it failing has been almost exciting, but overall I think it was the best decision for us.

[BigMamaBird]

When we're "done" we plan on having Dh get the Big V. It's a less invasive procedure, potentially reversible and shoot! I carried and birthed the babies, he can deal with a needle and tiny incision!

[Wheres Toto]

Nope, not at all true (or I'd like to see a source on that). My Dr. said that's the best time to get it. They are already poking around in there so another surgery isn't required. She said that would be safer than having my DH go through a procedure because he could get an infection. Healing wasn't a problem since I had to recover from a C-setion.

 

:iagree: I had a tubal when my youngest was delivered by c-section. We had it all planned before I even was pregnant. After ds, we discussed it and decided that dh would get snipped if we didn't have another; I would if we got pregnant again since we knew it would be another c-section. That was actually my easiest recovery of all three pregnancies (oldest was vaginal but with episiotomy and lopsided epidural). Of course, we were a lot older at that point (I was 38, dh 51) so no one was trying to talk us out of it.

 

I was told that if you decided you wanted more kids after a tubal that it was easier to do IVF than reverse the procedure. DH's cousin did this and had twin boys almost a decade after her tubal.

[jennsmile]

Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome this is why I never want a tubal, but that is just me.

 

So just make sure you have all the facts.

[jplain]

DH has told me that he would get the snip. But it is just that I feel odd about him getting it done and not me.

Don't feel odd. He's fertile 24 hours of every day. You're fertile for a few days a month.

 

Maybe someone has already mentioned this, but Essure is an outpatient option for female sterilization.

[kwickimom]

We have decided that DH will get it if we ever get to that point because it is less evasive and frankly...I have had all the children and a d&c. I feel that I should not have to go in for yet another procedure on my body after what I have already done. We think its "fair" that if its anyone it should be him.

[zookeeper]

I would consider either option CAREFULLY. When a man gets a V, where does the sperm go? Not out the way it was meant to! dontifixit.org has some good info to read through before considering a V. (beware, kinda graphic pictures if you've got kiddos around)

 

For us, we use NFP to know when I'm fertile if we don't want to conceive. Dh has some issues that make a V NEVER a good idea for him and I'm not getting a tubal either. I know men don't talk about this kind of thing very often, but there are many out there who have troubles of all kinds after a V and just never say anything.

 

Tough decisions!

[fairfarmhand]

I thought of it like this....

 

After 4 children, I spent 3 years pregnant, 3 years nursing, and 4 weeks in the hospital. (not to mention all those post partum weeks)

 

I thought it was time for HIM to give a little.

[Cheryl in NM]

IDK how scientifically sound this is, but I read on the http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/ blog that there are high rates of relationship failure after a vasectomy. The writer theorized it was because there are so many compounds in semen that act like a drug for the woman, making her feel more bonded to him. For that reason he didn't recommend vasectomy. It may be total hogwash, but I thought I'd throw that out there just in case it's not.

 

FWIW, I don't do great with most hormones, but I love NuvaRing. I take it continuously and end up with spotting 1-2 days a month, when I change the ring.

 

This has not been the case for us. The freedom of not having to worry about BC made us act like rabbits! :lol:

 

I would consider either option CAREFULLY. When a man gets a V, where does the sperm go? Not out the way it was meant to! dontifixit.org has some good info to read through before considering a V. (beware, kinda graphic pictures if you've got kiddos around)

 

For us, we use NFP to know when I'm fertile if we don't want to conceive. Dh has some issues that make a V NEVER a good idea for him and I'm not getting a tubal either. I know men don't talk about this kind of thing very often, but there are many out there who have troubles of all kinds after a V and just never say anything.

 

Tough decisions!

 

 

I would very carefully research this information. This not what our doctor has said and is not the commonly accepted viewpoint on vasectomy.

 

There are huge side effects to any surgery, inpaitent OR outpatient. There side effects to any medical procedure. There are side effects any time we alter our body. We do these things ALL the time and usually with only temporary or very few side effects. Living is a risk.

[fairfarmhand]

This has not been the case for us. The freedom of not having to worry about BC made us act like rabbits! :lol:

 

 

 

 

.

same here!

[texasmama]

When we were done with our childbearing experience, I asked dh to get a V. It took some discussion and time. In fact, it took an unplanned pg. I just kept telling him that I had done my part for our childbearing career and this was his part. He got a V when youngest dd was 3 months old. It has made a very positive difference for us in many ways.

 

The V is much less invasive, has fewer risks and is statistically more effective than a tubal.

[mytwomonkeys]

i was going to get my tubes tied after my son was born (i was 32 then). my ob-gyn recommended my husband get snipped instead. he said the procedure for him was much less risky and would be a quicker recovery. so, without hesitation we went that route. no regrets from either of us. the recovery was very quick for him, and it wasn't a big deal at all.