Do you let your kids choose where to sit in the car?

[naturalhomestead]

So we have a mini van and four kids. The baby's seat stays in the middle row but the others can move around where they want. We started a month rotation with the older 3 cause they all want a chance to sit up with the baby. That is fine and it was going smoothly. But 2 months out of rotation, I question if we as parents should just say this is where you are going to be sitting. The reason behind is that our oldest and the baby get along so well and the two middle get along so well. There is hardly any fighting or bickering at all during the month. The other 2 months there is some fighting with the older and the sister and then the next month the two boys just get so rowdy in the car with each other. SO my question is do you choose where everyone sits and keep it that way? Or do you let them pick? I know that there are children that just click more with certain siblings, I have seen that with my own. Any ideas?

[Lara in Colo]

I don't care as long as they don't fight---and they change who they are "friends" with all. the. time. Fortunately, we do not drive very much.

[Veritaserum]

Four of them are in carseats or boosters, so they don't get to choose. My oldest sits next to the youngest two because there is less fighting that way. I see no problem with assigning seats if it keeps rides in the van more peaceful. :)

[6packofun]

My kids are WAY too old to be fighting over spots in the van and yet they still do. Mine call out "CHEWIE!!" to call the front passenger seat (next to, um, Han Solo, of course) and then they argue about it. Argh! :D

 

It doesn't help that my 2 oldest who are old enough to drive don't yet. We just can't afford it and they're waiting til 18...so we've got these adult-sized kids who do NOT like being in the back! LOL

[Maus]

 

Four of them are in carseats or boosters, so they don't get to choose. My oldest sits next to the youngest two because there is less fighting that way. I see no problem with assigning seats if it keeps rides in the van more peaceful. :)

Preassigned here, too. The baby is in the middle so the other two can't reach each other easily. I may be the only mother in Utah who doesn't drive a minivan, so they are all crammed into the back of my sedan. (At least it's a four-door!)

[LisaKinVA]

For safety reasons... no. Much of this has to do with where the car seats actually fit, and which seats have (or do not have) head-rests. We have a 7 passenger, with 5 children ages 2-12.

 

When car seat placement is no longer an issue... then I'll move to the "as long as they don't fight" category.

[sassenach]

In your situation, I would just tell them where to sit. Because of car seats/boosters, my kids are pretty much always in the same spots.

[JaniceO]

We have preassigned seating. We actually just switched it up because my 10 year old and 6 year old were always fighting. So now, we have the 10 and 11 year old in the back (10 year old is still in a booster). We have captain's chairs in the middle and the 6 year old gets one with her carseat and my 13 year old gets the other.

 

If we are going without DH, then the 13 year old gets the front passenger seat and the 11 year old gets to move up next to the 6 year old.

[lmrich]

We are done with carseats so the kids can choose. This week I just added a first pick on car seat to my calendar. We had too much bickering. So every week 1 kid gets to pick where to sit and then the next etc... It is silly!

[swellmomma]

my kids have assigned seats to avoid the fighting. The spots change if the need arises, like today I had the baby in the car so I had to bump a kid to the rear row. DS8 Usually is in the rear row but this summer due to his leg he has been in the front seat. On a normal day the usual seating is, ds13 in the front seat, dd3 in one middle captain's chair and dd12 in the other, ds8 on the rear bench seat. I have dd12 in the middle usually because then she can help dd3 or pass things back and forth between the front and rear etc. Having them in assigned seating has stopped pretty much all fighting in the car.

[higginszoo]

My kids are mostly tiny for their ages, except my littlest. So at those ages, they were still all on carseats/boosters and we had fit issues. Now, they can sit wherever, as long as they don't fight. The one in a booster doesn't move much, but the others tend to rotate pretty frequently.

[Ellie]

No.

 

Of course, we only had two dc, so there weren't the family dynamics that you have. :-)

 

Our rule for sitting in the front seat was that when both dc were in the car, both sat in the back. The end. No taking turns for the front seat.

[linguistmama]

I would assign seating to avoid the fighting. Both of our girls are still in carseats so I put them where I wanted them to sit.

[naturalhomestead]

 In your situation, I would just tell them where to sit. Because of car seats/boosters, my kids are pretty much always in the same spots. 

 

I think this is how I am leaning towards. At least for a while.

[Upward Journey]

Nope. They have assigned seats :D and only Mom has permission to change them up. It cuts waaaaay down on the fighting.

[Sasharowan]

As long as there is no fighting, they can choose, except that only the oldest is old enough to sit up front. If fighting starts, I assign seats. It's too dangerous to referee and drive.

[Heatherwith4]

Nope, they have assigned seats. Everyone's either in a booster or regular car seat, though. If they don't stay where I put them, all you-know-what tends to break loose between DS6 and DS4.

[Pamela H in Texas]

It wouldn't be an issue here because at the age of your children, they'd each have a different seat. The 9yr old might be out of a carseat if tall/big enough. The 7½ year old would still be in a booster. The 5yr old would still be in a carseat. And then the baby... I certainly wouldn't be playing musical carseats. Now IF you had all three older kids in a high back booster, for example, then I could see them switching up.

 

Oh, I went back and read...y'all do a monthly rotation so would only rotate carseat positions that often too, I guess. But if you are miserable two of those months, I think I'd give that up. It is fine for you to do what works for YOU sometimes. Now, one alternative would be that you tell them that the current arrangement isn't working for you, that you're considering just assigning seats, but that you'll take suggestions.

[Starr]

Mine never wanted to move from their carseat spots in the back. They trade off a week at a time for the front. I think it started that they were in the back if it was their week to clean the cat box. Just get over the misery at once. :lol:

[NanceXToo]

We choose our kid's seats and we do so first for safety and second for peace. For me that is. No way am I letting kids who tend to bicker or get rowdy while I'm driving sit next to each other!

[Garga]

Booster seats are easy to move. Just pick it up and plop it down somewhere else. At your kids' ages, I'm thinking they're in boosters and not secured car seats? So, I'm guessing it's not that big of a deal to move them around?

 

I only have 2, but I know what I'd probably do in your situation. I would explain exactly what you've told us and give them about a week to fix the problem. I'd let them know that if they don't stop acting up on their own, I'd assign seats.

 

And then, if they don't stop acting wild, I'd assign those seats without a second thought. They're old enough to understand and the responsibility of trying to fix the problem will be good for them. And the consequence of not fixing the problem isn't horribly dire. It's just enough to teach them about how their actions can cause reactions in the people around them.

 

Oh--and as they are learning to control themselves in the car (after you've told them that you need them to do so, or you'll assign), I would make a point of reminding them each and every time before you start the car about the "no wild children in the car" rule. Set them up to succeed.

[ChristusG]

My kids have to sit in the same spot due to car seats. Both my 4 year old and 7 year old are still in 5 point harnesses and I'm not about to move those seats around in the car....they are a pain to move. And we're about to be adding an infant seat to the mix, so everyone will definitely need to stay put then.

[happypamama]

I've got a minivan and four kids as well. The baby goes behind the driver, and I had originally intended to have the oldest sit next to the baby. I thought that she would be most able to help with the baby if he got fussy, plus she could hand stuff back to the rear row if needed, and she and the next-to-oldest are the ones who tend to fight the most, so I thought they'd appreciate the break from each other. Also, the middle two (boys age 2 and 6) are best buddies, so I figured DS1 would be happy to help DS2 in the back seat.

 

Of course, once we actually got the van and had the baby, the situation turned out differently, LOL. The older two refused to be separated; they claimed the rear row as their own little clubhouse. So I put both of the younger two in the middle row, and that let me keep the 2yo rear-facing. He likes sitting next to "his" baby (who hasn't been fussy in the car anyway), and he's done a good job handing things back. DS1 has turned out to be a big helper with babyDS3, and DD buckles DS2. So far, the older two have not been fighting, but it helps that there is a space between them. They know that if there is fighting, I'll rearrange the seating immediately. Switching frequently would drive me nuts.

[raceNzanesmom]

Nope, no choice. My 7 y/o and day care kids sit in their seats, oldest ds can sit up front unless dh is along then he gets booted to the back. I, almost always, drive because I'm neurotic like that. :lol:

[Tap]

It varies.

 

If all 5 of us are in the car, the back seat is dd12, dd4, ds17 unless dd4 is in a mood (she antagonizes dd12), then it is dd4, ds17, dd12.

 

Ds17 gets the front, then dd12 and dd4 are in the back. DD4 sits wherever her car seat is at.

[Peela]

With 2 kids, for years- even now- we do odd/even days. Jared gets odd days (of the month) in the front seat, Genevieve gets even days.

Of course, that is also an incentive to keep track of the calendar, because many times the one who keeps track gets the front seat because the other one hasn't kept track and just believes them and sits in the back :)

[naturalhomestead]

Thanks to all. I love hearing everyones responses about what you do. After talking it over with DH we are going to start today and tell them that they have a week to start behaving better in the car. If not then mom and dad get to choose for them. We will see how it goes. My guess is that in the end we will be choosing but maybe letting them choose where to sit will work out just fine too. :001_smile:

[texasmama]

I assign seats and mostly don't change that assignment, which works well for the reasons you state. Also, kids are creatures of habit. I don't want to have to think about whose turn it is to sit in this or that seat. I do at times allow (when asked) one of my boys to move up a row in the minivan. I also sometimes move one of the boys to the middle if his brother is demonstrating bad behavior and I foresee conflict if the boys are together in the back row. My youngest (almost 6) always sits in the middle row.

[Impish]

Well, we have a mini van, with one captain's chair currently removed.

 

So, there's no choice in seating. Princess is in a car seat, Tazzie in a booster.

 

We'll have to put the other seat in and rearrange things when the baby comes.

[Elisabeth in IL]

My kids have somewhat assigned seating. The one in a booster sits behind me, the one who gets car sick always sits on the right hand side just in case and the other sits wherever there is space.

[Mommee & Baba]

Four of them are in carseats or boosters, so they don't get to choose. My oldest sits next to the youngest two because there is less fighting that way. I see no problem with assigning seats if it keeps rides in the van more peaceful. :)

 

This is us. In a smaller version. My totboy is in his carseat in the middle so he doesn't get to pick. My dd6 is in a booster so she doesn't get to choose either. The only spot left for dd8 is next to totboy since our car only seats 5.

[Mandowife]

We have a 15 passenger van. Only 5 kids left at home (and two of them have their own vehicles). When they were smaller, I got to choose. Now that they are older, I let them choose as long as there isn't any fighting. They have never fought, and the older two just take turns sitting up front with me (unless dh is with us)....they just did that on their own.

[Julie in CA]

As soon as my dc were out of car seats, the policy became:

 

There are permanently assigned seats.

As long as I don't have to hear a single word about it, you may trade seats.

The moment I hear any squabbles about it, back to your assigned seats. :glare:

 

It has been a good thing. They've learned to negotiate & cooperate without any input from me.

[DusksAngel]

Right now everyone is in their own spot due to carseats/booster. And since two seats only fit in certain spots, there isn't much moving. On long trips or if a third adult is with us, G moves over on the back seat and I sit back there with him.