S/O (of multiple S/Os!): Appearance- when someone is always "put together"

[DawnM]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

My first impression is that they are stuffy and unapproachable and I wouldn't want them as a close friend because they would care more about appearances than being down to earth.

 

I realize this is my flaw, but I am wondering if any of the rest of you have the same flaw.

 

Dawn

[Bang!Zoom!]

I've been in different cultures where being over-dressed or "put together" is a liability and inviting all sorts of trouble, sure.

 

It's good to be aware of how to fit in properly.

 

It can go beyond just being judged or shunned, absolutely.

 

It can even cause personal family problems for example, or a direct threat to personal safety.

 

It comes down to "when in Rome" sort of advice.

[Rebecca VA]

It depends. Do you look at the expressions on their faces? Are they friendly-looking or nasty-looking? I know lots of people who always look attractive, and they don't have to spend a whole lot of time at it. They're already thin and toned, their nice clothes are hanging up in their wardrobe ready to wear, they got their haircut, coloring, and manicure last week, so they can roll out of bed and look fine.

 

If they're nice, I don't mind one bit being friends with them. It probably improves my status to have nice-looking friends (grin).

[Jennifer in MI]

I'

It comes down to "when in Rome" sort of advice.

 

:iagree:

 

I live in an area where people usually do get done up a bit to go out of the house. By done up - I mean makeup and hair done nicely and decent clothes (no sweats/ratty tshirts). I was intimidated by it at first when we moved here from an area that was just the opposite 11 years ago. But, I've found I really like it! I feel really good when I make myself up a bit, do my hair, and wear nice, well-fitting clothes.

 

Now, I have to admit, I was at a party last week where there was a woman there who was absolutely gorgeous! She was not overly-done up or anything, but she certainly stood out as an amazingly attractive woman. I was intimidated by her. But, then we started talking and we have SO much in common. I cannot wait to see her again! So, I don't think you can always go by looks or how a person is put together.

[ChandlerMom]

It depends. Do you look at the expressions on their faces? Are they friendly-looking or nasty-looking? I know lots of people who always look attractive, and they don't have to spend a whole lot of time at it. They're already thin and toned, their nice clothes are hanging up in their wardrobe ready to wear, they got their haircut, coloring, and manicure last week, so they can roll out of bed and look fine.

 

If they're nice, I don't mind one bit being friends with them. It probably improves my status to have nice-looking friends (grin).

 

Few of us over 21 roll out of bed with our hair and makeup looking just right. :D

 

Personally, when I see women *too* put together, esp in the hair/makeup department, I assume that is where their priorities lie. I'm lucky to get time to take a shower (a swim in the pool counts, right?), or fold my clothes before they get wrinked (too badly), or get a brush through my hair more than once a day, because I'd rather be spending time enjoying life with my family that sitting in front of a mirror.

 

I'd rather hang around with other women who put kids ahead of vanity. On the other hand, hygiene is appreciated! :lol:

[Rebecca VA]

REALLY? Wow, because almost every mom I know -- from church and my neighborhood -- looks attractive in a natural way, and I can easily imagine that they don't have to spend *too* much time getting that way.

 

Hair cut in an attractive, easy-to-care-for style? (Every six weeks)

Hair colored if necessary? (A once-a-month job)

Nails manicured, or at least filed nicely? (Once every week or so)

A reasonably toned, fit body? (Varies, but shouldn't take up too much time each day)

Clothes that color-coordinate and add to your general attractiveness? (Varies, but it shouldn't be that hard)

A bit of makeup slapped on in the morning? (Five minutes)

 

We're not talking about breaking budgets or spending hours in the bathroom here. At least I'm not. If you and OP are talking about women who look like they're going to the prom every time they step out of the house, that's another story.

[elise1mds]

I know several women who are always 'put together,' though they don't always have designer label clothes. The majority of them have MASSIVE self-esteem issues and feel that they are constantly being judged. They love it when someone sees past the mask they put on for the public... and if you visit them at home, they're just as likely to be in ratty sweats and makeup-free as the rest of us! Just my experience... I know there are probably lots of women who dress up just for the sake of being dressed up and showing off, too.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I have several lady friends that qualify for "trophy wife" lifestyles.

 

It is a very well-understood set of rules what's required of these women. And they absolutely look dressed to kill every second of the day, with several changes of outfits per day.

 

In those cases, it's not a "massive self-esteem" issue at all.

 

Not theirs anyway... :)

[Ginevra]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

My first impression is that they are stuffy and unapproachable and I wouldn't want them as a close friend because they would care more about appearances than being down to earth.

 

I realize this is my flaw, but I am wondering if any of the rest of you have the same flaw.

 

Dawn

 

Well, I have thought while watching the show, "What Not to Wear" that if someone came to the soccer field wearing pumps, a skirt and a blazer, the other women would definitely be :confused: I think you can look put together while still fitting the expectations of the location.

 

I knew someone once who wore leather pants and a sweater to her daughter's birthday party and I thought she was getting a little ahead of herself on the fancy wardrobe. :tongue_smilie:

[Sevilla]

Few of us over 21 roll out of bed with our hair and makeup looking just right. :D

 

Personally, when I see women *too* put together, esp in the hair/makeup department, I assume that is where their priorities lie. I'm lucky to get time to take a shower (a swim in the pool counts, right?), or fold my clothes before they get wrinked (too badly), or get a brush through my hair more than once a day, because I'd rather be spending time enjoying life with my family that sitting in front of a mirror.

 

I'd rather hang around with other women who put kids ahead of vanity. On the other hand, hygiene is appreciated! :lol:

Wow, that is really judgemental and I'm not sure that your ranking or priorities even makes sense TBH. I like to have a balanced life - and that means that if I make sure my kids look reasonably dressed in the morning I merit the same attention to detail. If my kids are clean with groomed hair and non-wrinkled clothing, then the same goes for me. Even with a newborn, I took a shower daily - I never.ever.ever miss that shower because it helps me feel awake and rejuvenated for the day (and that meant that until my kids were older, I was accompanied by an infant or toddler in the shower and that was a-ok with me). They loved showering with mommy, I loved feeling good in the shower - it was not a matter of 'choosing vanity over my children'.

 

It's not vanity, it's something that helps me feel good. I rarely go places without having fixed my hair (5 minutes) and putting on a bit of eye makeup or tinted lip gloss. I don't look like a supermodel, but I look like someone who is confident and happy in their life and part of that is that I take a small amount of time each day to make sure that my outer appearance matches my inward demeanor. My kids stand with me in the bathroom and we talk while I get ready, it's not something I neglect them to accomplish.

[Crimson Wife]

I probably wouldn't even notice it unless the individual was overdressed for the occasion.

[Hwin]

We are talking about people who just naturally seem to know how to look perfect for every situation?

 

I find it a little intimidating, but that's my problem :)

[4wildberrys]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

My first impression is that they are stuffy and unapproachable and I wouldn't want them as a close friend because they would care more about appearances than being down to earth.

 

I realize this is my flaw, but I am wondering if any of the rest of you have the same flaw.

 

Dawn

 

Yes---I have this flaw of making snap judgements based on first impressions and appearances. :001_huh: I'm much more of a 'natural' woman, so I really can't even imagine trying to make friends with someone like this unless they initiated the friendship and we had lots of other, different things in common----I would feel judged by someone who is always 'made-up' when in reality, I see a lot of that stuff as not only toxic, but fake and smelly :001_huh: I only say that because I have had friends who are kind of like that, and they seem to need to suggest I should do 'this or that'---and I find that annoying.

 

I'm not really one to talk though---my dd is one of those who ALWAYS has to 'put her face on' to leave the house. I have never spent as much time in my ENTIRE life doing makeup, hair, etc. as she has in just the last few years :lol:

[mcconnellboys]

I have never lived anywhere in the "South" (until here) where I've had this happen to me, but some folks here do seem to judge people by their dress. I thought that was very weird when it first started to happen to me. I think a certain type of accent here also gets interpreted as meaning that you are from Eastern Kentucky (I'm not) and therefore must be ignorant, etc.

 

Since moving here, we've traveled quite a bit around the Great Lakes area and have also found some initial level of condescension which seems to be based solely on the fact that we (me, mostly) have southern accents. It disappears after we've engaged in enough conversation for them to figure out that we're not the completely dumb hicks they seem to initially think we are. I just called to make some reservations on the Keweenaw, for instance, and was immediately asked, "Have you ever been this far north before?" This is a typical opening salvo to conversation with northerners we meet in our travels, for some reason (have they never been south of where they live, I wonder?)....

 

I find these sorts of things very perplexing. In fact, I've made it a point since moving here to purposefully not dress up when undertaking business dealings. If a person isn't smart enough to notice a subtle thing (like the kind of watch I might be wearing, or the purse (or wallet) I'm carrying, or the content of my words as opposed to my accent), then I'm really not inclined to do business with them, anyway, so it has served me well to cull out the worthwhile from the worthless, LOL....

 

A human being's worth is not tied to their socioeconomic status; I refuse to play that game and am perfectly happy to have no girl friends if a particular style of dress is what it takes to be in the "in crowd"....

[Parrothead]

Well, I have thought while watching the show, "What Not to Wear" that if someone came to the soccer field wearing pumps, a skirt and a blazer, the other women would definitely be :confused: I think you can look put together while still fitting the expectations of the location.

 

I knew someone once who wore leather pants and a sweater to her daughter's birthday party and I thought she was getting a little ahead of herself on the fancy wardrobe. :tongue_smilie:

Why :confused: instead of thinking that she just came from the office or from a business appointment of some type?

[Carol in Cal.]

I have thought about this a lot in relation to the last few threads.

I have realized that I tend to associate full on makeup with condescension and phoniness. Obviously those don't always apply, but I have observed them often enough to be wary with someone new who is always ALL made up and coiffed.

 

I have always worn just enough makeup to make me look a little better, but rarely full on foundation. Mascara is a must, and lipstick is also good. Beyond that, just for the last year or so I have started to get pedicures from time to time, and I really enjoy that. But my fingernails are never polished or filed, and rarely match. They don't stay that way long enough to be worth the time. I have medium length hair, and honestly if I could improve it with a haircut I would, but the mullet and shag are what it wants to do, and as those are hopelessly dated I just wear it long and wait for something appropriate to come back in style. The last time I had a haircut was over 15 years ago.

 

I hate the feel of foundation, but I have some sheer tinted sunscreen that I love to wear instead. I only use it occasionally, but when I need it it's there. And I use a bronzer stick with it instead of blush--I tend to be ruddy, and this doesn't make that worse.

 

I almost never wear eye makeup.

 

I can put on the whole thing, but I feel phony when I do. There are a lot of very nice people who do so, though, and I know that if I lived in the South I would do it a lot more as it seems far less optional there than here. I'm glad that I can look OK without all that time and trouble, and that I live where I don't feel that pressure every day.

[CourtneyMI]

This is so funny. I was just thinking about this last night. I was at the store picking up some medicine and other odds and ends for the house. I ran into a class mate of mine from high school and, of course, I am in my gym clothes because I planned on heading to the gym afterward. Today, when I ran to the gas station to get a couple of drinks for myself and the kids, I ran into another classmate. I was dressed, but just in a t-shirt and jeans, no make up, hair in a pony tail. Awesome.

 

Anyway, I have friends who are always done up and look great while other friends are more low maintenence. I am of the persuasion that if I can sleep an extra 5 minutes or do my make up, I sleep. Its sad - and may be a symptom of my depression or my upbringing - but I covet my sleep right now, especially right now since my boys think the best thing in the world is to come into our bed in the middle of the night. :glare:

 

For church, work and special occasions, I do dress up and do my make up. I am trying harder to get to a more "put together" place.

[Ginevra]

Why :confused: instead of thinking that she just came from the office or from a business appointment of some type?

 

I was particularly thinking of people for whom that wasn't the case, but yeah, that would be possible if nobody knew the dressy person.

[reign]

No. I don't make judgments on possible friendships based on appearance. I have pink hair though so I'm sure some people are making judgments about me.

[kathkath]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

My first impression is that they are stuffy and unapproachable and I wouldn't want them as a close friend because they would care more about appearances than being down to earth.

 

I realize this is my flaw, but I am wondering if any of the rest of you have the same flaw.

 

Dawn

 

 

Yes---I live in the south and have totally noticed it. I am right there with you. I moved here a few years back from a similar area in the Chicago suburbs--similar in terms of socioeconomic $$$$ but the vibe is so different.is Outward appearance was important there to a degree, but it is a far bigger focus here. A good friend of mine from up there comes to visit here regularly and was commenting to me on it during her most recent visit here--how people here are so *pretty* and how the homes here seem to reflect more magazine-style living than functional living or decorating reflecting one's personality. She was dead right.

[Peela]

I tend to be friendly and would connect with people regardless, but I wouldn't necessarily become close with them.

My MIL is like that- always made up, immaculate- but underneath all that is a real human being.

[kalanamak]

I

 

It comes down to "when in Rome" sort of advice.

:iagree: E.g:

Where I work, it means "be prepared to feel her spikes tromp up your prone body the first chance she gets".

[LauraGB]

I think I have some catching up to do; haven't read the other threads yet (busy days, busy days).

 

I never even go to get the mail if my eyebrows aren't colored in :001_huh:. And I've gotten comments about how I'm "always made up perfectly" (which always makes me go :001_huh:), but I don't wear a ton of makeup (at least, I don't think so). I'm just a nice girl who doesn't want anyone to see my grays and blemishes lest I offend or embarrass myself.

 

Off to read the rest...

[Alicia64]

REALLY? Wow, because almost every mom I know -- from church and my neighborhood -- looks attractive in a natural way, and I can easily imagine that they don't have to spend *too* much time getting that way.

 

Hair cut in an attractive, easy-to-care-for style? (Every six weeks)

Hair colored if necessary? (A once-a-month job)

Nails manicured, or at least filed nicely? (Once every week or so)

A reasonably toned, fit body? (Varies, but shouldn't take up too much time each day)

Clothes that color-coordinate and add to your general attractiveness? (Varies, but it shouldn't be that hard)

A bit of makeup slapped on in the morning? (Five minutes)

 

We're not talking about breaking budgets or spending hours in the bathroom here. At least I'm not. If you and OP are talking about women who look like they're going to the prom every time they step out of the house, that's another story.

 

I do all of the above, and frankly, I don't think I can pull off the truly natural look like many of my friends. I have friends who pull their hair into a ponytail, throw on a swim suit and cover up dress and look fantastic.

 

Honestly, I would look icky.

 

So I make an effort to "do" my hair and I wear gloss, eyeliner smudge and mascara.

 

And lately I've been wondering if my friends think it's weird that I do all that. . . :confused:

 

Alley

[lmrich]

My sister! I swear she irons her underwear. Looks are extremely important to her. Her daughter is 11 and my sister picks out her entire outfit and still does her hair. (she needs to let go) Apperance is a big deal for her family. Her husband is only the man I know who wears a Brooks Brothers Suit everyday.

She lived in a small southern town where every child wore smocked dresses, matching hairbows, matching mary jane shoes (did you know they came in pink?) etc... It really had an impact on her.

 

She has always been neat and liked being tidy. So it fits, but she spends too much time on ironing... I am not kidding she irons the t-shirts she wears to the gym!

 

But if it makes her feel better, who am I to stand in the way of her obsessing ironing. I just wish she would do mine.

[justamouse]

Well, I have thought while watching the show, "What Not to Wear" that if someone came to the soccer field wearing pumps, a skirt and a blazer, the other women would definitely be :confused: I think you can look put together while still fitting the expectations of the location.

 

I knew someone once who wore leather pants and a sweater to her daughter's birthday party and I thought she was getting a little ahead of herself on the fancy wardrobe. :tongue_smilie:

 

Happens all the time here. Moms will come straight from work. Dads, too, in suits. BUT, I live close enough to big towns that people commute.

[justamouse]

You know, I just got done watching the 4th DVD of House of Elliot (BBC) and all I kept doing is wistfully dreaming that we would all wear hats again. There was something nice about having a standard. Now our only standard is that there's no standard. Hence butt cracks, and thongs, and the prison walk.

[justamouse]

I do all of the above, and frankly, I don't think I can pull off the truly natural look like many of my friends. I have friends who pull their hair into a ponytail, throw on a swim suit and cover up dress and look fantastic.

 

Honestly, I would look icky.

 

So I make an effort to "do" my hair and I wear gloss, eyeliner smudge and mascara.

 

And lately I've been wondering if my friends think it's weird that I do all that. . . :confused:

 

Alley

 

You do what you do.

 

I'm handsome, I'm not pretty. I've classic features and if I wear too masculine of a cut, apart from the bOOks, I look like a guy. I hate looking masculine. Even though I've got curves, polo shirts look horrible on me. So do collared shirts. I need something ruffled and fluid. So, do you you want to make yourself look attractive.

[OrganicAnn]

I think you can't judge about looks/put together, time involved, priorities until you know the person better. I used to know a lady that had a simple rather short hair style, she didn't wear much make up or fancy nails (maybe clear) and nice but not too fancy of clothes. She told me that her sister didn't like to vacation with her, because it took her two hours in the morning to get ready. :001_huh: I couldn't believe it. She was either the slowest person or she must have had some complex routine.

 

Another gal I knew was gorgeous and hardly did anything. Confessed that she didn't like to spend any time on hair/make up. One those people who would even look good in shorts and boots.

 

I'm sure there are some people who never look put together no matter how much time they spent trying.

 

So you just never know about people.

[Audrey]

Well, I have thought while watching the show, "What Not to Wear" that if someone came to the soccer field wearing pumps, a skirt and a blazer, the other women would definitely be :confused: I think you can look put together while still fitting the expectations of the location.

 

I knew someone once who wore leather pants and a sweater to her daughter's birthday party and I thought she was getting a little ahead of herself on the fancy wardrobe. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

But, I have seen this many times. I have shown up to soccer and hockey practices and games like that many times because I was just coming back from work, as were the other moms who showed up dressed like that. If the other women were :confused: over it, I've never noticed. But, then... I'm there to support my kid, so if someone else had a wild hair up their behind over the way I dressed, I wouldn't really care. I didn't go for THEIR sake.

[Scarlett]

No. I don't make judgments on possible friendships based on appearance. I have pink hair though so I'm sure some people are making judgments about me.

 

Hee hee. This made me giggle.

[Scarlett]

I think I have some catching up to do; haven't read the other threads yet (busy days, busy days).

 

I never even go to get the mail if my eyebrows aren't colored in :001_huh:. And I've gotten comments about how I'm "always made up perfectly" (which always makes me go :001_huh:), but I don't wear a ton of makeup (at least, I don't think so). I'm just a nice girl who doesn't want anyone to see my grays and blemishes lest I offend or embarrass myself.

 

Me too!

[RoughCollie]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

I am a Southerner and this is how I was raised. It takes a lot of time and money to do that. The time was what bugged me -- it took longer for me to get ready to go out to buy a gallon of milk than it did to run the errand. My mom always said that was my fault -- I should look like that before I've had my first cup of coffee, just in case someone comes to the door. If I did, then a quick touch-up before I went to the grocery would suffice. If I was at home for the day, I'd just try real hard not to run out of milk and I wouldn't answer the door -- to me that was a more efficient way to live.

 

One of my friends was a Yankee and she didn't wear makeup or get her hair done or anything. She looked fine, not like a slob, but everyone knew she wasn't a Southerner. :-)

 

The difference between how women looked in Atlanta and how they looked in Boston when I first moved there shocked me. There must be regional differences, because DH and I noticed how different the people here look than the people in Boston do -- the people here are comfier.

 

Now, do I care how someone looks? No. Do I notice? Yes.

Edited August 13, 2011 by RoughCollie

[silliness7]

no matter where they go:

 

You know, the women who wouldn't step towards the front door without their hair and make up done just so. And those who wouldn't go to the grocery store without their new Kate Spade (or whatever) bag and high heals......

 

We seem to have a lot of the above here in the South.

 

My first impression is that they are stuffy and unapproachable and I wouldn't want them as a close friend because they would care more about appearances than being down to earth.

 

I realize this is my flaw, but I am wondering if any of the rest of you have the same flaw.

 

Dawn

 

Yes, sometimes...until I have the privilege of getting to know them better. In my case it's almost always older ladies. They are just so classy and when you get to know them it shows in their conversation and demeanor and it does carry over into their appearance. I hope I'm that classy when I'm a senior but I bet it's a habit carried over from their younger years.

[Heather in Neverland]

Wow. I had no idea that the fact that I put on some makeup, do something with my hair and dress fashionably when i go places meant I was vain, didn't care about spending time with my kids, I will walk on people to get ahead, I can't be trusted, I'm shallow, people don't want to be friends with me, etc.

 

Thanks for enlightening me. :glare:

[justamouse]

Yes, sometimes...until I have the privilege of getting to know them better. In my case it's almost always older ladies. They are just so classy and when you get to know them it shows in their conversation and demeanor and it does carry over into their appearance. I hope I'm that classy when I'm a senior but I bet it's a habit carried over from their younger years.

 

I was at the mall looking for some stuff, and the older women there were SO beautiful.

 

I don't know. I think it's because I'm going to be forty and I realized I ahve to stop dressing like I'm 20 because I cannot carry it off. But I feel too young for other stuff-though I know it would look better on me. But those women, they were beautiful. I want to look like that. I don't want to be 50 and look like who dug up the cat's old toy out of the mudpit ?

 

There's a woman in my town that owns a custom jewelry store. She's in her 60s, from Spain and she GLOWS. I mean, she just flipping GLOWS. It's from the inside, there's not a trace of guile in her, but she's also beautifully made up and hair just so, dressed so very elegantly and she BEAMS at you. She is all things beautiful. That's what I want to be like.

[silliness7]

I was at the mall looking for some stuff, and the older women there were SO beautiful.

 

I don't know. I think it's because I'm going to be forty and I realized I ahve to stop dressing like I'm 20 because I cannot carry it off. But I feel too young for other stuff-though I know it would look better on me. But those women, they were beautiful. I want to look like that. I don't want to be 50 and look like who dug up the cat's old toy out of the mudpit ?

 

There's a woman in my town that owns a custom jewelry store. She's in her 60s, from Spain and she GLOWS. I mean, she just flipping GLOWS. It's from the inside, there's not a trace of guile in her, but she's also beautifully made up and hair just so, dressed so very elegantly and she BEAMS at you. She is all things beautiful. That's what I want to be like.

 

 

Yes, EXACTLY!! You described it much better than I did.

[Paige]

I am really surprised by some of the responses. I consider myself average. I was raised in the south and I was taught that you show respect to those around you by making an effort to look nice, be well groomed, and dress appropriately to the occasion to the extent that you are able. I try to wear clothes that fit and look nice enough but it is usually a combo of jeans/shorts/capris/ and a t-shirt. I wear make up, and do something with my hair. Sometimes something means I pull it back into a ponytail, sometimes I blow it out with a brush, but I do make an effort. I teach my kids to make an effort. I tell them that they will be judged by their appearances and it isn't fair but it is a fact. Still, I don't think I would come across as a woman who is always put together and looks perfect. My goal is to blend in and show an effort has been made.

 

My step-MIL, however, is that lady. She is always perfectly dressed and styled. She's not the blonde, fake boobs type, but she is so stylish, so naturally attractive, and although I know she puts money and time into looking her best, she makes it seem effortless. She is also extremely intelligent, kind, generous, funny, and the perfect hostess. I want to be her when I grow up! It is sad to me that some people would look at the way she presents herself and conclude that she is fake, uninteresting, or selfish. I don't think badly of people who don't look like my MIL (hey, I don't!) but I am shocked that anyone would look at the way she dresses and takes care of her physical appearance as a sign of some kind of character flaw.

[Boxing Hare]

 

It comes down to "when in Rome" sort of advice.

 

Most of my friends here have had b@@b jobs. I definitely wouldn't say that they are vain or obsessed with their appearances. It just seems to be the norm here. I was waffling, but that seems like a lot of pain to go through just to get nice girls. Now we're moving from TX to an area where the women are surprisingly flat. :)

[Audrey]

Wow. I had no idea that the fact that I put on some makeup, do something with my hair and dress fashionably when i go places meant I was vain, didn't care about spending time with my kids, I will walk on people to get ahead, I can't be trusted, I'm shallow, people don't want to be friends with me, etc.

 

Thanks for enlightening me. :glare:

 

Apparently, that's me, too, Heather. It's so nice to learn these things about myself I never knew before! :001_rolleyes:

[Mrs Mungo]

I probably wouldn't even notice it unless the individual was overdressed for the occasion.

 

:iagree: I once saw a woman wear a prom dress and tiara on a drop zone. That was pretty weird. Aside from that, if I was harboring ill will toward attractive or put together women, then I would be looking at myself and my own self esteem.

Edited August 13, 2011 by Mrs Mungo
iphone

[Scarlett]

There's a woman in my town that owns a custom jewelry store. She's in her 60s, from Spain and she GLOWS. I mean, she just flipping GLOWS. It's from the inside, there's not a trace of guile in her, but she's also beautifully made up and hair just so, dressed so very elegantly and she BEAMS at you. She is all things beautiful. That's what I want to be like.

 

I want to be her too.

[Scarlett]

:iagree: I was saw a woman wear a prom dress and tiara on a drop zone. That was pretty weird. Aside from that, if I was harboring ill will toward attractive or put together women, then I would be looking at myself and my own self esteem.

 

What is a drop zone?

[AuntieM]

I haven't read all the replies.

 

I find myself vacillating between thoughts like, "Gosh, I wish I was that consistently put together" to "Dang it, she always makes the rest of us look like slugs" to feeling like she's, like you said, unapproachable, as I wonder what she must think of unpolished me.

 

I suppose a lot depends on how the woman conducts herself. Sincere graciousness transcends appearances, but someone whose *priority* is appearance will always give off an unapproachable vibe.

 

And that is all just my opinion, of course, but it is based on knowing a handful of always-put-together women in my lifetime.

[Mrs Mungo]

What is a drop zone?

 

That is where airborne soldiers land after they jump out of a perfectly good airplane. ;)

[JeneralMom]

I have been avoiding answering on these threads because they bring up very uncomfortable feelings for me. My mother is one of those incredibly judgemental people who was always sure people were watching her and judging her in return. To this day she will not even go in her backyard to let the dog pee unless she is fully dressed and made up. The sad part is, she is a horrible dresser, does her make up badly and has an unflattering hairstyle. Growing up it was always "don't go out like that, what if someone sees you" or "oh god you're not wearing that are you? What will people say if they see you". When I was 13 she badgered me into going to the hairdresser to get my hair trimmed but pulled him aside and told him to cut all my mid-thigh length hair off to above my chin level. I was terrified growing up about being judged and deemed "less than". I ended up with a severe eating disorder and self-esteem issues. I was brutally shy and avoided people so that I wouldn't have to inflict myself on them. And yes, my brother and I thought our mother cared more about how she looked and how people perceived her than she did about us. For her, however, it hid her complete feelings of inadequacy (took me years to figure that out). It has taken me a long time to get over it, and not care if I have to quickly run to the store in my baggy pants and tee. It wasn't until after I had kids and I realized that I was spending hours in the store making sure that the little separates I was buying them matched perfectly and then hanging them in coded outfits that I knew I had to back off. So, if my son wants to go out in plaid shorts and a clashing Hawaiian shirt, I let him.

 

I wish I had more time to take care of me a little better, and when I lose this pesky baby weight and get some health issues under control, I will, but not to the point of having to do it to feel whole but just to feel like I deserve and am worth the little time and effort it takes.

 

As for judging people, I do tend to wonder what people are hiding but that is just a result of knowing that my mum hides behind make-up etc. I try not to judge the super made up people, nor do I judge the ladies in their fleece jammies pants and tees.

[Heather in Neverland]

Apparently, that's me, too, Heather. It's so nice to learn these things about myself I never knew before! :001_rolleyes:

 

I think that's twice in one week that we have agreed on something. It is starting to scare me. :D

[Joker]

I will admit to wondering how in the world some moms could show up to drop their kids off for school looking perfectly groomed. My dds went to ps for a bit (older through 2nd, younger for K) and I don't know how some did it and I probably did judge a bit.

 

Outside of that I don't know that I've ever really noticed or cared. We all have different levels of comfort and it makes things interesting.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think that's twice in one week that we have agreed on something. It is starting to scare me. :D

 

Really? I think you two seem sort of similar, aside from religion and politics. Not meaning to insult either of you, you just seem like strong, professional women with a distinct POV. :)

[Skadi]

It sounds like what we mean by "put together" can vary a lot. I don't wear make-up (I prefer au natural on myself and other women), but I always try to make myself look put together by following the Rule of Three (outfits always look more complete with a third item, e.g. jacket or scarf) and wearing at least one item that looks a little more expensive (nice leather boots...scored on sale). I try to make my hair look nice or else put it back in a bun to hide its messiness.

 

If I have a prejudice, it's probably in the opposite direction of what most women are saying here. If I see someone with messy hair and sloppy, oversized clothes, my first impression is that they must be tired and worn out with life. I know that's often not the case, and I wouldn't let it stop me from getting to know them, but that's the automatic response I get upon first seeing them.