Sahamamama Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Do you feel that parents who exclusively (from the beginning) homeschool all their children have a "harder time letting go of their children" than parents who don't homeschool to that extent? I heard this little factoid recently. ;) What do you say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I feel much calmer about dd growing older (up) now that we hs than I did before. I am looking forward to Learner's Permits and that terrified me when they were all still in ps. Of course, I never want to let my youngest go, and he will be my only hs exclusive dc... but he's also my baby (ignore his age, he's my baby). I think that is a matter of his being my youngest more than hsing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. No. No. No Survey says.... :lol: It's unanimous, folks! :lol: Okay, I'll go tell the naysayers they're wrong, according to other homeschoolers. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Yes I anticipate this to be true for me anyhow. I am insanely close to my oldest daughter who is with me 24/7. Well she used to be until recently when she started a really healthy relationship with a great guy. I am dealing with her seeing him a couple times a week all day long. It has actually been very hard for me. I was telling her the other day, I am glad that she is in this relationship now and that over time I can get used to not having her with me all the time instead of the idea that she meets a guy and gets married - moves out all the while I feel lost. I am glad she is still young enough that she doesn't plan to get married tomorrow. so... Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I think that it so depends on the individual family. There are plenty of homeschoolers who are launching their kids part way through the high school years into internships, volunteering, jobs, dual enrollment, etc. Some who are encouraging a gap year, including work and travel, before college. And there are plenty of traditionally schooled kids who are boomeranging right back home after college. Or parents who want to be highly involved or interfere with the lives of their adult kids. I don't think you can necessarily draw a straight line corollary between educational choice and relationships between parents and fledgling new adults. Frankly, anyone who gave me a line about how it was "known" that this was an issue with homeschoolers would get a raised eyebrow, over the glasses stare and be asked to footnote that statement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That depends on how one defines "letting go." What constitutes "letting go," and at what age does it start? How do you define success? Don't mean to muddy the waters, but that's a difficult thing to judge without clarification. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. I feel as if I eked out every possible moment of mother/child time and looked forward to dc being well prepared to be adults no longer under my supervision. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Homeschooling parent doesn't automatically translate as "helicopter" parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 In general, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. I feel as if I eked out every possible moment of mother/child time and looked forward to dc being well prepared to be adults no longer under my supervision. :001_smile: :iagree: LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Homeschooling parent doesn't automatically translate as "helicopter" parent. :iagree: I actually feel like I hover and micromanage my kid's time less than when my oldest was going to school. I felt like every minute DS was in my presence needed to be meaningful and full. Now we're much more laid back. I'm sure I'll sigh and shed a tear or 2 when my kids move on, but I also suspect I'll be ready to reclaim my space and life more as my own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. I feel as if I eked out every possible moment of mother/child time and looked forward to dc being well prepared to be adults no longer under my supervision. :001_smile: I anticipate feeling this way as well. It doesn't mean that I won't miss them like crazy, but I don't think I'll have a problem letting go. I've never been one to overly shelter my children though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicMom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I would have to say no. I have two at home (21 and 18) and while I love them to death, it is time for them to find their way. We spent marvelous days together, evenings talking, and time just being. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I just let me 14yo go to a Search & Rescue Academy 10 day overnight camping in makeshift shelters. His first time to be away (not including grandparents) My mil told me he was "too young!" in a hyper kind of shrill voice but another friend of mine who doesn't homeschool said her dc have been going off to overnight camps since much younger. Who gets to define "letting go?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 ROFLMAO! (Currently poking the twenty year old in the back with a sharp stick to get him to fly the nest and eyeing the fifteen year old meaningfully). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I think the amount of time we are with them may seem like it would make it harder for us to let them go, but this is counter-balanced by ...... well, the amount of time we are with them!!!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicMom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I think the amount of time we are with them may seem like it would make it harder for us to let them go, but this is counter-balanced by ......well, the amount of time we are with them!!!! :D lol!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) On the contrary, when we were still in PS, I was the evil Mom, because I was the only one who didn't drive my kids to the bus in the morning and wait in the car until the bus came (we *gasp* walked to the bus stop, used umbrellas, or used sunscreen as needed, and my kids wore sneakers instead of insanely inappropriate crocs or flip flops) but horror of horrors, I let them walk home from the bus stop alone, a whole 10 driveways, on our quiet, cul-de-sac street, instead of driving out to pick them up line the other parents-- I had to do some serious training of the other moms to get them to stop 'rescuing' my kids and stuffing them in their cars for the arduous 0.3 mi walk home. The only cars on our road at that Tim of day are the moms returning from the bus stop! I am also apparently negligent because at ages 10 and nearly 8, I allow them to play outdoors, unscheduled, without standing in my yard watching the entire time (context: small, safe suburban neighborhood with fenced 1/2 acre and professional class neighbors, farmland bordering back property line). I am considered highly weird because I allow my children to answer the telephone and write down messages, and to also order their own meals at restaurants. I'd say compared to the local PS parents, I am not particularly helicopterish. Edited August 11, 2011 by NittanyJen Stupid iPad typing overrides! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I have an almost 5 year old. lol Im not really sure if im qualified to answer this question yet. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eewaggie99 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. I feel as if I eked out every possible moment of mother/child time and looked forward to dc being well prepared to be adults no longer under my supervision. :001_smile: Absolutely! Plus you've spent enough time with them to know their maturity levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I have a hard time letting go of my kids, but I felt exactly the same (maybe moreso) when they were in school. When my mom takes them to her house I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest! But they have fun and they love her so I put on a cheerful face and wave happily as they drive off. I think I am too attached to my kids but it's not caused by homeschooling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 For me, yes. The 24/7 nature of homeschooling -- not only am I in love w/ my kids, but homeschooling is like my job -- means that when my kids leave. . . my job essentially leaves too. And I say that knowing that I have a cool travel job to go to when they're out of the house. I have many interests. I love my other work, I love my animals, I love to read, I love my husband. But, yes, it will be super hard for me. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenjenn Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 My daughter went to public school for a bit and... believe you me, there are some major busybody overinvolved helicopter parents with kids in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I don't think one can stereotype about letting go. I know that I have always encouraged my kids to be independent and work hard. I have been very excited about my oldest ds's future and his opportunities. He had his senior pics taken yesterday and it was bittersweet. Where did my little boy go? The photographer kept telling him to smile at his mom, because those were the best smiles he gave. I am having a hard time with the reality of him going away to university, and I suspect I will also have a hard time when he leaves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 If you had asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have said yes. Turns out, my answer is no now. I think having a great relationship with your kids as adults makes it easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Do you feel that parents who exclusively (from the beginning) homeschool all their children have a "harder time letting go of their children" than parents who don't homeschool to that extent? I heard this little factoid recently. ;) What do you say? No...I have raised them and had no problem letting them go when the time came. It sort of surprised me, but we were all ready...and I am thankful for the wonderful times we had together when they were little. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I think that in the same way homeschooling moms enjoy having their kids around, while some non-hs-moms "can't wait" for school to start to get some private space, some families like having grown children closer than others. It doesn't mean one version is successful and the other isn't - just different. We've decided we don't really care if our kids move out or not. We've been telling them for years that people need to have a smaller footprint and shared housing is a prime way to have a smaller imprint. However, adult kids living at home WILL be expected to contribute like adults and we reserve the right to kick them out...:) I wouldn't mind if we had a young couple with a child some day in our house while they save up for a home or something like that. I love having my kids around. For about one million years people lived in extended family units. It's only been the past few hundred years (if that), that "success" was moving away. To me success is defined as being happy, being able to support yourself and your family, and doing no harm to anyone else and helping others when you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I think the amount of time we are with them may seem like it would make it harder for us to let them go, but this is counter-balanced by ...... well, the amount of time we are with them!!!! :D Exactly!!! I will miss them dearly (I'm already dreading it, actually.), but I think I'll be ready to see what they're going to do with their lives and let them go off and be themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Frankly, anyone who gave me a line about how it was "known" that this was an issue with homeschoolers would get a raised eyebrow, over the glasses stare and be asked to footnote that statement. That depends on how one defines "letting go." What constitutes "letting go," and at what age does it start? How do you define success? Don't mean to muddy the waters, but that's a difficult thing to judge without clarification. :iagree:Thank you, I'll have to use one of these tactics the next time this comes up. ;) Sahamamama Who apparently clings to her 4, 4 and 6 year old daughters too tightly because they are not in school :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Well some family members feel that yes it is hard for me to let go since I don't let my 9 year old ds roam free around the neighborhood. On our block, the families with kids are not the sort I want ds to hang around:( I don't feel comfortable having ds roam around the block or even walk around the block without an adult family member. Honestly, he is the super-smart, geeky kid who does not yet pay attention when crossing the street despite dh and I constantly re-forcing looking both ways every single time we cross a street or walk in an area with cars. Needless, we don't feel he is quite ready to cross the street alone or wonder alone yet:( He is improving and I do hope for limited excursions in the next few years but not without adult supervision yet. My family members and myself grew up free range style where we roamed all day long. Honestly, I feel it was detrimental to me even though I was a good kid. I don't believe in free range for young kids or young teens even. I see nothing wrong with adult supervision at all times. Am I wrong or crazy:tongue_smilie:? I do hope to encourage independence in him asap though:D As for when he is an older teen I do hope for as much independence as possible though with reasonable restrictions. I hope not to be a helicopter parent:D Any thoughts? ETA: I think limited free range can be ok in safe neighborhoods where one knows a lot of the neighbors. Of course, this depends on the kids as well. Edited August 12, 2011 by priscilla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 For me, no, absolutely not. For the homeschool population as a whole? Well, obviously there's not a grand set of study data to refer to, but I would guess that yes, there are probably more homeschool parents who have trouble letting go than school parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I wanted to add I don't think it is harder for homeschool parents to let go at the appropriate time:D I look forward to it in a good sense:D I also want to clarify that we don't live in a neighborhood that is the best and I don't know my neighbors. Plus we are finalizing a move to the big city where I don't know anyone yet so needless to say we will be doing a lot of activities to get out there:) I have another family who lives in a better neighborhood and who knows almost everyone on the block. Her kids roam fairly free on that block and I would let mine too if I lived there but I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 No. Homeschooling parent doesn't automatically translate as "helicopter" parent. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 If you had asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have said yes. Turns out, my answer is no now. I think having a great relationship with your kids as adults makes it easier. :iagree::iagree: I never would have thought it would be as smooth as the transition has for my older kids. We have a really great relationship and genuinely like each other. Maybe it will be different when I don't have young ones around anymore....but by then, hopefully I will have grandkids:D Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Do you feel that parents who exclusively (from the beginning) homeschool all their children have a "harder time letting go of their children" than parents who don't homeschool to that extent? I heard this little factoid recently. ;) What do you say? For me, it depends on when. (My girls are pretty young) For example, we were in a situation where I thought my big girl *almost* had to go to ps Kindergarten this fall and that thought of letting her go pretty much gave me a panic attack. On the other hand, I read on facebook about how parents are THRILLED when school starts back up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 No. I am having an easy time with dd and I thought it would be tougher since she is our first. But, those years of being with her for all of those developmental milestones, planning and executing a high school path to help her towards successful adulthood, and working to instill in her the character traits and skills we feel are necessary to becoming a mature, sensible, well-adjusted, able-to-work-adult, made it so much easier for us to allow her to be the woman she is. Probably the only adjustment that I've had to make is learning not to worry. She is a paramedic in a city with QUITE the crime rate. Some shifts, if she is staged with her partner for the east side, they wear bullet proof vests! It did take me a long time to learn to sleep through her night shifts. Well, and there are the prison runs. One week she and her partner picked up the same murderer (normally kept in solitary confinement) three times. She takes a lot of s%&ual harassment from these types of patients - thankfully they are chained to the gurnies, guards, etc. and they have an armed policeman in the rig plus a police escort. Still, when you hold your little girl on your lap and think about her future, usually, starting i.v.'s on and administering aid to scum bags while they scream obsenities and announce all the things they'd like to do to the female attending them until the police officer gets sick of it and busts them in the face, is not what you had in mind! As for the boys, to be honest, I think I'm going to be just fine for the next two. To be honest, the 14 year old - much as I love him - tends to clash with me and HE'S EATING ME INTO THE POOR HOUSE! I look forward to his earning scholarships, going to college, and eating the cafeteria dry all for his grades and ACT score...:lol::lol: The next one coming up is probably, absolutely going to major in zoology/herpatology which is to say he loves all things reptilian and wants to eventually spend some time in Indonesia studying komodo dragons and preserving their habitat. :001_huh: Anyone who has been around this board for more than a few months knows how much I hate, despise, fear, and desire the destruction of all things related to SNAKES! I will be fortunate if I survive this child's teen years!!!!!!! :tongue_smilie: Definitely ready to send him somewhere that will nurture his passion without me being privvy to it. The true test will actually be the last boy. Not only will I be trying to figure out what to do with myself post-homeschool, but he and I are very, very close. He's a bit of a home-body and is always at my elbow wondering how he can help me. He runs to the car to open the door for me, pulls my chair out at the dinner table, etc. He is the sweetest child and we are buddies! I'm pretty certain letting go of him will be the toughest. But, he's also the one that had sensory integration issues when he was little and we honestly wondered what the future would hold for him. We thought, before learning of the SID, that he was severely autistic and we would take care of him the rest of his life. Instead, physical therapy at home brought him around and now except for a small coordination issue, one would not ever have a clue that something was so wrong at one time. So, I do think there will be a really triumphant, sweet feeling to see him blossom into his own independent young man and some serious sadness mingled with the joy. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Do you feel that parents who exclusively (from the beginning) homeschool all their children have a "harder time letting go of their children" than parents who don't homeschool to that extent? I heard this little factoid recently. ;) What do you say? Yes. I think it will be emotionally harder for me when my kids leave home than it would have been if they'd been traditionally schooled. I'll be going from being with them almost every minute of the day around the clock, to not seeing them at all. If they'd been in school the whole time growing up, I would be used to spending most of my time each day without them. Not to say that it's not hard for other parents when their children leave the nest, but I think it's got to be more of a dramatic change when you've homeschooled the entire time. If by "letting go," you mean micromanaging or letting kids make their own choices, I don't think that that necessarily goes along with homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 No. I am having an easy time with dd and I thought it would be tougher since she is our first. But, those years of being with her for all of those developmental milestones, planning and executing a high school path to help her towards successful adulthood, and working to instill in her the character traits and skills we feel are necessary to becoming a mature, sensible, well-adjusted, able-to-work-adult, made it so much easier for us to allow her to be the woman she is. Probably the only adjustment that I've had to make is learning not to worry. She is a paramedic in a city with QUITE the crime rate. Some shifts, if she is staged with her partner for the east side, they wear bullet proof vests! It did take me a long time to learn to sleep through her night shifts. Well, and there are the prison runs. One week she and her partner picked up the same murderer (normally kept in solitary confinement) three times. She takes a lot of s%&ual harassment from these types of patients - thankfully they are chained to the gurnies, guards, etc. and they have an armed policeman in the rig plus a police escort. Still, when you hold your little girl on your lap and think about her future, usually, starting i.v.'s on and administering aid to scum bags while they scream obsenities and announce all the things they'd like to do to the female attending them until the police officer gets sick of it and busts them in the face, is not what you had in mind! As for the boys, to be honest, I think I'm going to be just fine for the next two. To be honest, the 14 year old - much as I love him - tends to clash with me and HE'S EATING ME INTO THE POOR HOUSE! I look forward to his earning scholarships, going to college, and eating the cafeteria dry all for his grades and ACT score...:lol::lol: The next one coming up is probably, absolutely going to major in zoology/herpatology which is to say he loves all things reptilian and wants to eventually spend some time in Indonesia studying komodo dragons and preserving their habitat. :001_huh: Anyone who has been around this board for more than a few months knows how much I hate, despise, fear, and desire the destruction of all things related to SNAKES! I will be fortunate if I survive this child's teen years!!!!!!! :tongue_smilie: Definitely ready to send him somewhere that will nurture his passion without me being privvy to it. The true test will actually be the last boy. Not only will I be trying to figure out what to do with myself post-homeschool, but he and I are very, very close. He's a bit of a home-body and is always at my elbow wondering how he can help me. He runs to the car to open the door for me, pulls my chair out at the dinner table, etc. He is the sweetest child and we are buddies! I'm pretty certain letting go of him will be the toughest. But, he's also the one that had sensory integration issues when he was little and we honestly wondered what the future would hold for him. We thought, before learning of the SID, that he was severely autistic and we would take care of him the rest of his life. Instead, physical therapy at home brought him around and now except for a small coordination issue, one would not ever have a clue that something was so wrong at one time. So, I do think there will be a really triumphant, sweet feeling to see him blossom into his own independent young man and some serious sadness mingled with the joy. Faith Faith, this was beautiful! Sniff, sniff. I am blessed by your perspective. Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think the "letting go" transition is depedent more on personality than education choices. I have seen PS moms hold on until I just want to scream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I don't think homeschooling has anything to do with a parent being able to let go or not. I've known public school parents who cannot. let. go. no matter how old, competent, and financially independent their children are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :iagree::iagree: I never would have thought it would be as smooth as the transition has for my older kids. We have a really great relationship and genuinely like each other. Maybe it will be different when I don't have young ones around anymore....but by then, hopefully I will have grandkids:D Faithe I thought that having my oldest leave wouldn't be hard. I raised him right. He is very responsible and does the right thing. He is a great son. I know he will be fine. But I am going to miss him way too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I haven't read all of the responses, but my answer is no...I think the ability to "let go" has more to do with a parent's personality than whether or not he/she homeschools...Some parents have a difficult time with that regardless of their education choices and some people don't... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Not for me. I feel like I've done my job. I think it makes it easier for me to accept each stage as it has come. Now, when my baby gets there, you can ask me again.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I agree. There are plenty of parents who willingly "let go" of their kids as soon as they're old enough to fend for themselves. The fact that they don't feel a sense of loss when their children leave home doesn't automatically mean something positive to me. I love my children fiercely, I won't "check out" until I'm good and ready, and it will be so hard to watch each of them leave and make their way out into the world. That doesn't mean that I'll hold them back, make them feel guilty for growing up, or that I don't have a right to feel sad for a while...as long as I don't let it keep me from continuing to parent the kiddos who are still home or curl myself into a little whimpering ball when they are all gone and let my marriage get flushed down the toilet. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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