Do you have a close or best friend to open up to?

[Carol in Cal.]

Yeah, I'm sure you are right. I wouldn't want to make someone uncomfortable. I had never thought about it like that because it doesn't affect me when people confide in me. In fact, it almost seems like everyone is so perfectly blissful these days. :tongue_smilie:

 

You know, if you want to be email bud's, I would open to that. It's not the same as IRL, but it might be nice anyway.

[*Inna*]

No and it's hard.

 

Yes, homeschooling affected my friendships.

 

We used to hang out with our babies and toddlers playing. Now most of them have their kids in school, some of the mothers went back to work, some stayed home and are getting together with other moms during school hours. That stinks, because I have all of mine with me and wouldn't be talking about deep things anyway when I'm in the "mommy mode".

 

I have several friends who homeschool, but your relationship isn't deep.

 

Makes me sad thinking about it. :(

[hsbaby]

Well, that's a thought....just might have to try it.

 

It makes me sad to hear how many other moms feel the same way:(. It was so much easier as a kid. A simple "Wanna play?" and you had a new bff!

 

 

awww... can you skype? It's the next best thing to being there.

[lionfamily1999]

Thank you.

Where are you in VA? It's a big state, but you never know, we could be within hollering distance :D

[Mynyel]

about personal things? About cruddy days and difficult times? About marriage difficulties?

 

I've seen many people say their husbands are their best friends. But, what if your husband isn't your best friend? What if you and your husband barely communicate? Or, what if you need to talk about your marriage?

 

I remember in college, I always had several really close friends -- some more than others. We could talk about anything. Since graduating, I would have to say I have never had that sort of relationship again. I always planned to marry my best friend, but that didn't happen.

 

So, I'm wondering how common this is for adult females. Do you think the fact that you homeschool makes a difference?

 

I don't. I think it is because I homeschool. I don't work in the "real world" so I don't meet people really.

 

It also seems in my area it is hard to get to know any homeschool moms. It can be clickish. That and a lot of us are so busy it is hard to get together.

 

I wish I did though. Would be nice to talk to another female adult! :)

[Susan in TN]

I think I've probably said too much here.

Edited May 29, 2011 by Susan in TN

[mom31257]

Yes, and more than one person! I feel very blessed to have people in my life that I can trust.

[DawnM]

Yes, I do and I feel very fortunate to have the friends I do.

 

Dawn

[G5052]

Each has been through hard times, and their encouragement and advice is always spot-on.

 

On is getting up in years, and the thought of losing her is really hard to think about.

[lionfamily1999]

This is what I've been looking for. There are many, many families at our church who live covenantally and care for each other, but we just haven't been included. When we moved to our current neighborhood, close to our church we looked around for a home fellowship group, but they were all "full". I talked to several moms who live nearby and suggested that we meet at the park to play (across the street from our house.) It wasn't too long ago that I found out (accidentally) that many of these moms already meet weekly at the park - somehow we were just "overlooked". That was pretty much the breaking point for me. If I wasn't committed to teaching a S.S. class at church, I don't know that I'd go back.

:( Oh Susan, how terrible.

 

This church has been such a blessing for me, they've reached out from the very beginning. I look forward to giving my time, because it gives me an excuse to 'hang out' with these people. I'll pray that God gives you the same sort of family.

 

As dumb as this may sound, if you find out who sells Mary Kay or Avon in your church, you'll find a good 'in.' That used to bother me, until I realized how much of their earnings went towards giving away facials and makeovers at the get togethers (with no hope of earning that much back). I've found that most of the sellers in my church sell so they can buy :lol:

 

:grouphug:

 

I wish I could bottle the spirit as this church and send it out to be sprayed on churches in need. I'm amazed at how familial it all is.

[Jennifer3141]

This is what I've been looking for. There are many, many families at our church who live covenantally and care for each other, but we just haven't been included. When we moved to our current neighborhood, close to our church we looked around for a home fellowship group, but they were all "full". I talked to several moms who live nearby and suggested that we meet at the park to play (across the street from our house.) It wasn't too long ago that I found out (accidentally) that many of these moms already meet weekly at the park - somehow we were just "overlooked". That was pretty much the breaking point for me. If I wasn't committed to teaching a S.S. class at church, I don't know that I'd go back.

 

Susan, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you find a true friend soon. :grouphug:

[Ottakee]

I have wonderful girl friends that I can talk deeply about anything - except for major issues with my husband. Minor issues - like his inability to tell garbage from recycling and his inability to replace a roll of toilet paper - no problem. But major problems need to stay between dh and I, in my opinion. For one thing, it's hard to communicate everything that draws you to your husband to another person so they don't have that to mitigate the negative you might share. I've struggled with having my own attitudes towards friend's husbands affected by what has been shared, long after my friend and her husband has kissed and made up.

 

I.

 

I would say this is where I am with my best friend. We have only been friends for about 5 years but have become quite close. We shared a lot in common: same church, dh's who were both fire fighters, love of horses, adopted kids, had been foster parents, homeschooled, etc.

 

She though is transitioning to living in northern Alaska for the next 5 years and will only be "home" for 1-2 weeks a few times a year. That will make it harder but we praise the Lord for free long distance calling, text messaging, and emails.

 

Just today we took a 4 mile walk at 7am in the rain. We talked about some light hearted stuff and then some deeper, serious stuff. We don't though go into "husband bashing" at all. I don't want her or I to view each other's husbands in a different/bad light after the issue is done and over. I did share how this week my dh, in attempt to be very helpful (honestly he was), mowed down the pasture grass that the horses were going to eat for the next 3-4 days:001_huh: We both though laughed about it and went on as her husband might do something similar--honestly trying to be helpful but not quite hitting the mark.

 

We do though try to be very supportive of each other and our relationships with dh and we share the good stuff, encouragement, etc. quite freely. If we talk about other issues, then we are more vague or mention it and how we resolved the issue.

 

I know I COULD go to her with a serious issue regarding dh if I really needed to but honestly, I haven't felt the need and hope to never need that.

 

Watching her with her dh has really encouraged me to change the way I interact with my dh, etc. so she has been a mentor in that way as well.

 

I have another good friend who is single, never married, no kids so while we are close and can share a lot of things--including theological discussions/debates/Bible study, etc. It is just harder to discuss kids, marriage, etc. since she doesn't have experience in that area.

[texasmama]

I talk to my husband about many things, and we are friends...good friends. But I have a female best friend who has been my BFF since college. I tell her everything. She gets the unedited version of everything. I talk to her frankly if I have any issues in my marriage. I can't imagine life without her. I also have a couple of other friends whom I have known since high school that I don't talk to as often but that I could say anything to. I am wonderfully blessed in the area of friendships, and I do not take this for granted.

Edited May 28, 2011 by texasmama

[Mama2Many4]

No. No one. I had a best friend of 25 years that I grew up with. After we got married and had children, we grew apart. She was more career minded. I was more family minded. She eventually met other women that were more like her, and I didn't. There are no homeschool co ops where I live. I'm going to try to join a homeschool group this coming month to see if that helps us all to meet some new people. What can I say. It IS lonely not having anyone to talk to other than your husband.

[prairiegirl]

Yes, I do have a best friend who knows just about all there is to know about me and vice versa. We have known each other for 9 years but we weren't very close and we drifted in and out of each other's lives. Then, 3 years ago, she started homeschooling and we re-connected again but this time the friendship has gone much deeper.

[Rosie_0801]

You know, if you want to be email bud's, I would open to that. It's not the same as IRL, but it might be nice anyway.

 

Oh yes, thank goodness for email buddies! I'd have gone mad by now without.

 

Where dh leaves off, my brother and Ibbygirl take over. My brother knows dh and I too well to have his feelings for either of us clouded by any ranting of mine. Ibbygirl, of course, lives in Florida so doesn't know dh from a bar of soap and helpfully offers "What a beast!" or "What a sweetie!" whenever appropriate. :lol: Dh thinks it's his husbandly duty to listen to me chat, but there is a limit to how much a chap can handle so Ibbygirl and I do the girly chat thing, and dh gets the summarised version :)

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh yes, thank goodness for email buddies! I'd have gone mad by now without.

 

Where dh leaves off, my brother and Ibbygirl take over. My brother knows dh and I too well to have his feelings for either of us clouded by any ranting of mine. Ibbygirl, of course, lives in Florida so doesn't know dh from a bar of soap and helpfully offers "What a beast!" or "What a sweetie!" whenever appropriate. :lol: Dh thinks it's his husbandly duty to listen to me chat, but there is a limit to how much a chap can handle so Ibbygirl and I do the girly chat thing, and dh gets the summarised version :)

 

Rosie

 

Yes, RoughCollie is my PM bud and happily listens to my rantings. And if it's not happily, then she's wise enough to not let on about it!;)

[Denisemomof4]

yes, I have 3 bf's that are my confidants. My bff of 37 years is not one of them! I adore her, I love her, but the other three and I are just kindred spirits who UNDERSTAND each other, NEVER judge each other, and simply LOVE each other for who they are!

 

When I moved from CA to NH it was very, very difficult for me to find that bf. I finally gave up trying, and that's when I was blessed with two IN STATE bff's who have my back no matter what. One homeschools, one doesn't, but we are moms, we are wives, and we are kindred spirits. I rarely EVER share something negative about dh but I can remember doing so twice. My friends adore my dh, and I've told my dh when I've shared something about him with my friends. He's fine with it because he knows how it's not my style to bash him and if I need to talk something through, even if it's about him, he's ok because he trusts me. He knows I'm not out there being ugly. My one friend, in particular, has shared some hard times with her dh and still, I adore him and am never judgmental or uncomfortable around him. I think you can only do this with certain friends, WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, and thankfully I haven't found a need to do it much myself. It can be tricky, though. I have had to deal with husband bashers and have had to tell them to stop.

 

I suggest trying to find something you like to do away from home (time for yourself is CRUCIAL!!!) and just ENJOY yourself. You may be unexpectedly blessed with a new friendship. If you aren't, at least you're pampering yourself, and you DESERVE it, especially being the only female in the family!:grouphug:

 

I also agree with a pp, there are many HERE who adore you and would love to be your confidant. I have a few phone friends here myself. They're wonderful!:grouphug:

[Michele B]

Homeschool has definitely affected my friendships. I just feel like I have less to offer because homeschool sucks me dry!!!

 

Girl friends are great for talking over the minor annoyances (It shows you how "normal" some things really are, but I agree with an earlier poster that for more serious marital problems you need to seek professional or religious counseling.

 

Hope this is just a bump, and that your road smooths out soon.:grouphug:

[Impish]

Yes.

 

SpecialMama and I met through our city's hsing group.

 

My other best friend lives across country, and we met in high school.

[DianeW88]

I have girlfriends that are the "laugh until we cry" at things kind. We hang out, talk, whine, compare notes, eat lunch together, that sort of thing. Anything major....my dh is my first and real friend. But he isn't a girlfriend kind of friend, and never will be. They're just not wired to care about the stuff your girlfriends do. I'm convinced it actually makes them break out in hives if they have to listen to more than 30 minutes of "girlfriend talk". :lol:

[TheApprentice]

My sisters are my best friends. And they are the only ones I truly trust with any real personal info. besides my husband.

[UmMusa]

about personal things? About cruddy days and difficult times? About marriage difficulties?

 

I've seen many people say their husbands are their best friends. But, what if your husband isn't your best friend? What if you and your husband barely communicate? Or, what if you need to talk about your marriage?

 

I remember in college, I always had several really close friends -- some more than others. We could talk about anything. Since graduating, I would have to say I have never had that sort of relationship again. I always planned to marry my best friend, but that didn't happen.

 

So, I'm wondering how common this is for adult females. Do you think the fact that you homeschool makes a difference?

I"m in the middle of this right now. I don't have a close friend b/c I moved away from a close group of friends recently. My DH is not emotional and doesn't know how to give me the attention/attentiveness I need. The result is me feeling very bitter at the moment. Having my kids with me full time has caught up a little (first year to homeschool). I feel like bursting.

 

So, DH is not my best friend, and I don't have a close friend to talk to.

And now let me go eat a tub of ice cream! j/k

[eaglei]

I'm a very private person, so although I do have close friends that I could share with, I rarely do share. I'm a better listener than talker. I've been that way my whole life, so I don't think it's related to homeschooling.

 

This is similar to me in that I'm a very private person, rather shy (but improving), and don't feel like I *fit in* very easily, probably for those very reasons. I, too, am a better listener than talker. If anything, home schooling made me come out of my shell somewhat. Actually, that was preceded by motherhood as I didn't want my kids to feel as socially inept as I did/do.

 

I don't find it easy to open up about marital difficulties, and I'm not even sure that it's a good idea to do so. I'm always embarrassed when someone tells me something like that. I have a colleague who has told me some very intimate complaints about her DH, and it has made it a bit awkward to be around them together. So I'm reluctant to put someone else in the same position. It seems unkind to them and to your dh. Still we all do need outlets. Not sure what the solution is, except prayer and maybe reading.

 

I am like this, too. I determined (rightly or wrongly) before I was married that anything bad I had to say about dh, I'd say it to him, or not at all. In a former job, the ladies used to bash their dh's something awful. It reinforced that determination (again, rightly or wrongly).

 

In my pre-marriage and early marriage days, I had a couple close friends, but they shared much more with me than I did with them - I was very careful what I said and much more reserved (still am). Those friendships are no longer viable due to moving long distances away.

 

So, I currently have friends, and a couple that I consider closer (define that as trustworthy), but close-bare-your-heart-and-soul-to friends - no.

 

Sometimes I get lonely for the company of friendship and sometimes I'd like to vent IRL; in the end, I either grab a book, head to the piano, fetch up paper and pencil or boot up the computer and write about it, go for a walk - something - till it passes . . .

 

OP, I can *feel* your pain - sorry my ramblings don't offer any solution . . .

 

:grouphug:

[Rhonda in TX]

Yes, I do. My best friend has been there for me for over 20 years. We've been through a lot together and we can talk to each other about anything. We've cried on the phone together more times than I can count. (she lives out of state)

[KrissiK]

I have several girlfriends who meet different needs for me. No, there's not one person who I confide in, but I do have a couple of very good friends who I can share very personal things with.

[RoughCollie]

Yes, RoughCollie is my PM bud and happily listens to my rantings. And if it's not happily, then she's wise enough to not let on about it!;)

 

It's happily, Slick. Our friendship is very important to me.

[MariannNOVA]

No. I don't. I have in the past. I miss it --

[UnsinkableKristen]

Yep, I have three very close girl friends who I can pretty much share anything with. I go through spurts of being closer to one or the other, but that is usually due to busyness, etc. That is in addition to my Mom, who I tell almost everything to (except when SHE is the one I'm irritated at - LOL).

 

I have felt very blessed with friendships at this stage in life, it hasn't always been so bountiful.

 

However, I've always had my DH. He isn't a "girlfriend" but that dear man will listen to me talk for hours about whatever I need to and has even learned to respond in kind :lol:. He really and truly is my best friend and I go to him about EVERYTHING before I go to any of my girl friends, no matter how small or girly :)

 

At this point, I'm soaking up all the friendship knowing that it may not always be like this.

[amy g.]

My best friend would do anything for me. I can and do tell her everything. She used to live next door, and it was such a blessing to depend upon each other.

 

For the last 5 years, we have lived 45 minutes away, but I still see her several times a week, and we talk on the phone daily.

[Lovedtodeath]

about personal things? About cruddy days and difficult times? About marriage difficulties?

 

I've seen many people say their husbands are their best friends. But, what if your husband isn't your best friend? What if you and your husband barely communicate? Or, what if you need to talk about your marriage?

 

I remember in college, I always had several really close friends -- some more than others. We could talk about anything. Since graduating, I would have to say I have never had that sort of relationship again. I always planned to marry my best friend, but that didn't happen.

 

So, I'm wondering how common this is for adult females. Do you think the fact that you homeschool makes a difference?

I know that I do now, but I didn't think I did a few months ago. I just needed to spend time with my friends. I have two that are this close. One has kids, so we make play dates and talk while the kids play. The other doesn't and we make "girl dates" and go shopping or to a movie and out for ice cream or coffee. If I don't sacrifice time for other things and make these dates a priority then we start to drift a bit and I start to feel, again, like I don't have close friends. They have always been there though. When DD was a baby they came over to help and comfort me when I needed it, and recently through major postpartum depression and struggling with my faith, they have been there and were (surprisingly to tell you the truth, but it kinda spilled out) willing to listen and offer comfort and empathy.

 

Even in ridiculous jealousy inducing wedded bliss like mine, you can't always spill to your DH. Marriages have moods, DHs have moods. ;)

[texasmama]

:grouphug: to those without close friends who wish they had them. Anyone can pm me and I will listen without judgment if you need to get something off your chest. No advice offered - just hugs and a listening ear. Sometimes people just need to say things to another person so it doesn't make their brain explode.

[caitlinsmom]

I have my sister and bf from high school. I can tell either one anything but at the same time I find myself censoring things. I find that the roles they have fit me into get a little hard to handle at times.

 

However I wouldn't trade their friendships for anything. Another females perspective is needed sometimes!

 

ETA: I have found homeschooling has increased the need for girlfriends even more. I rarely talk schooling with either of them but it feels like a small vacation when I can spend a bit talking with them. I am able to concentrate better on the kids and their needs and on my own. I am one of those people who need a very obvious down time to function at my best. Talking with a girlfriend does that better than anything else for me.

Edited May 29, 2011 by caitlinsmom

[atara]

 

ETA: I have found homeschooling has increased the need for girlfriends even more. I rarely talk schooling with either of them but it feels like a small vacation when I can spend a bit talking with them. I am able to concentrate better on the kids and their needs and on my own. I am one of those people who need a very obvious down time to function at my best. Talking with a girlfriend does that better than anything else for me.

 

Same for me! I don't have one friend I can say "anything" to but I've come to see that expectation is pretty unrealistic. Truthfully, we all edit our conversations and I've come to see that as simple respect. I share different aspects of myself with different friends.

 

For example, one friend of mine is VERY religious and fearful of anything out of the box. However, she is totally hilarious and we could talk home schooling all day. I love talking to her and I know the safe subjects. It's like that with all my friends and I'm sure they feel the same about me.

 

I even stopped going to therapy because I've had it non-stop since my 20's and finally got to a point where I had grown enough to see that even therapist can only handle certain things.

 

\.

[Isabella]

My kids are the only ones that I confide in. I used to chat a bit to my Mil, but not really about details.

My kids (they are all girls and aged mid-late teens) can see both sides, so their advice and input is more valuable than anyone who only knows my side of it. And they also are not afraid to tell me when I'm wrong, which is helpful.