Could you give up the internet?

[Wheres Toto]

I could if I absolutely had to - I'm old enough to remember when it wasn't around - but it would have to be a very very compelling reason to get me to. I do all our banking online, its how we stay in touch with DH when he's away (he's in China now), it's how I'll look for a job/advertise a business when the time comes, it's how I did research for homeschooling, for our new house, for college for oldest dd, driving lessons for oldest dd, and a few million other things. It's how I keep in touch with family I don't see often, find out about ds's t-ball and other sports, print off curriculum, worksheets and find ideas to keep younger dd busy.

 

I definitely do not practice submission but it seems like your husband just wants to you give it up to prove he can make you do it. That doesn't seem right from what I've learned about submission (mostly on this board, I admit).

[Nestof3]

Well, you asked if I could give it up. I could, but I wouldn't. I could give up coffee too, if I had to.;)

 

I would ditch cable in a heartbeat (we don't have it now), and I would find something else that costs the same as internet and give that up.

 

I would cut stuff out of my grocery bill first. Junk food adds up to about $30 a month in no time. Honestly, if my husband presented me with "give up the internet," I would counter with, "okay, give up the chips and salsa."

 

Sorry, I am not at a place anymore where I believe women have to obey their husbands. I am fine with discussing and coming to compromises, but it had better not be just me giving up something. My dh moans about his lack of "authority" sometimes when I don't do something, but it's always when he just wants his way, and that's the quickest gun to draw. Just the other day, I asked him to stop discussing a topic with me b/c we always end up arguing about it (regarding gov't). He refused and kept on going. After he said his peace and got my feathers up, he put his headphones on. When I removed them, he told me to give them back. I refused. That's when he pulled the "you have to; you're the woman" thing. "I never have any authority." ugh I reminded him that I refuse to accept that I have any more need to obey because I am a woman, and that I demand mutual respect. The only reason I refused to return the headphones was to show him this. I reminded him that he would never have that sort of authority over me.

 

I wasn't being rude or sassy, but I do not believe that sort of thing is a Biblical model. I believe it is the same excuse people and nations have used since the beginning of time to enslave people and to ensure they have the upper hand.

 

Now, do I make compromises and do/stop doing things out of love for him? Sure. :)

Edited May 23, 2011 by nestof3

[BeckyFL]

I do everything on the internet. Some of what I do actually saves me money.

 

I use my bank's bill pay (no stamps),

 

I print online coupons,

 

I subscribe to groups that help me to match coupons with sales,

 

I buy things online after searching out the best prices (many things are MUCH cheaper than I could get them locally),

 

and I find out about sales, etc.

 

I even plan my menus (Plan to Eat) and have saved a lot of time by having all of my recipes in one place not to mention less temptation to eat out when menus are planned.

 

I find books for school online with research and then I order them through the library or I can buy them online used and resell them when we're finished.

 

The kids have taken online classes, some of them for free.

I could go on and on...

I think it more than pays for itself.

[MelanieM]

I haven't read all of the replies, so forgive me if this has already been suggested... Maybe you could make a list of everything you use the Internet for (and I mean every.single.thing) and ask him to help you brainstorm what your alternatives could be. Once you have a comprehensive list, perhaps he will see that it really is an important tool in your lives. Or perhaps you will see that you don't need it for much after all.

 

As for me... I suppose I could, in that I figure I could do anything if I truly wanted to. But no way would I ever do it by choice. And truth be told, I'd laugh myself silly if my husband dared suggest it. But then, when our first was born and my husband used the Internet to help me battle through mastitis we decided that it was an honourary member of the family that we would absolutely never kick to the curb. For us, the Internet makes life infinitely easier and more enjoyable. There's an awful lot we'd give up before cutting it out.

[Mommy22alyns]

Heck no! There's just no way I could do it.

[Tutor]

We couldn't give up the internet. We rely on it for bill paying, library research, school work, banking, communication, dh's work, my work, etc.

 

Would your dh be amenable to a "job swap"? One day he does the schooling, household purchasing, bill paying, etc. You make sure there are plenty of opportunities for him to have to log-on to do a task you would normally do. Maybe that would help him see it is a tool as much as entertainment?

[Nestof3]

Ok I am too, but that just makes me feel old. :lol:

 

Hey, I'm only 39, and I remember when we only had bulletin board systems. I had my own in college. :D

[OLG]

No. I could easily give up email and all of that but managing the finances, which I do, is now intricately toed to the internet. Plus school - so many free resources available via the internet to help. I suppose, if I had a cell phone service and a smart phone, I could live with that but for us internet is cheaper than a cell phone. Just how much faster would you be able to pay off the house w/o internet in reality? I am assuming he wants to take that monthly bill and pay down the principal each month? Curious: does he have access to the internet when not home?

[Heather in OK]

No.

 

My dh works from home. His job requires him to have internet access.

 

I also do a good bit of my work (answering emails, research, etc) online.

[kchara]

Honestly, if he doesn't see the internet of being of any value to you as a homeschooling mom--especially with one of your DC taking an online class--and you've done your best to explain it to him, it sounds to me like he either wasn't listening or is disregarding your needs. If his opinion is that the internet serves no real purpose, then it sounds to me like you aren't disregarding his opinion, but disagreeing with it for very sound reasons.

 

As mentioned by someone above, homeschooling is your job, or at least one of your jobs. I don't understand the purpose of everything in my husband's lab, but I certainly wouldn't decide that, just because I don't see any value in it, it must be something he could just do away with.

 

I don't know, like many other this rubs me the wrong way, both because it seems very controlling (I'm an egalitarian, but I've read a lot of complementarian stuff, and everything I've read mentions that while wives are commanded to submit, husbands are NEVER commanded to make their wives submit, to test how submissive they are, or to otherwise make submission a condition of their loving concern for their wife and family) and also seems isolating. Homeschooling can be isolating as it is, and I do think that taking away one of the primary means (if not the primary means) that homeschooling parents and students have to share ideas, to get resources, and to otherwise communicate with each other is just not right, unless it was absolutely necessary.

 

:iagree: 110% I have been trying to find a good way to say it, but that says it well.

 

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace has a section on when your husband tries to use submission as an excuse to sin. I'm not saying AT ALL that turning off the internet is a sin. But, I think forcing a wife into submission to control her, and using Biblical "reasoning" to do so is falling into sin.

[Murphy101]

Could I if we truly needed to? Yes.

There have been many times when I put all electronics in lock down for whatever reason and we all survived.

 

Would I for your dh's reasons?

Absolutely not.

The Internet saves us a bloomin fortune in both money and time.

 

Cable? Never had it and no problem there. Tho we do have netflix and roku and find them very useful. We watch tons of educational stuff that way.

[LidiyaDawn]

This is a hard decision. DH really wants the house paid off in 3 years. I am tired of this battle and am half heartedly willing to submit to him. I had not realized how big an issue the internet was for him. He hates having it in the house, along with the cable. He also hates the computers. I have tried to show him it is useful in homeschooling but he doesn't see it. I don't think this is about the internet but really me willing to submit. I do everything on the internet. DS has an online class that wraps up this week so the deadline to get rid of it is close. Could you give it up? How do I still do what I do on the net without having it in the home? How do I make him see the value?

 

I haven't read through the thread at all (yet) ~ but as for whether I'd give up the internet? Nope. (and I wouldn't be trying to 'convince' my dh that I wanted to keep it - I'd keep it because I wanted to keep it.)

[Jenny in Atl]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....:willy_nilly:

 

Banish the thought. :scared:

[elegantlion]

In reading your post, it's not giving up internet to save money which is bothering me, it's his dismissive attitude toward your need/desire re working on the internet for school or other things. You're an adult, an equal in a marraige; you don't have to justify wanting to use a tool helpul to your daily life. I think his negativity towards something important/useful to you is where I would be scratching my head.

:iagree:

 

 

 

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

 

So show him it's not just a toy. We've had internet since you could have internet, my dh would never ask.

 

I'd get rid of cable, home phone, and even down to one car if you really want to save. Cut your groceries. Our cable runs about 50.00/month. We have no where in town for wi-fi, including the library. We consider it part of our entertainment budget, but it's also our lifeline in so many ways.

 

I handled having one car for two years (and dh had to take it work), I have no issue having no home phone, and I've even given up driving a lot of extra places. Don't take my internet, it would make me grumpy.

 

That doesn't even touch the benefits for homeschooling. I know we save money by having the internet. I don't go a lot of extra places because I use online instead.

[secular_mom]

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

In my opinion that is condescending and absurd. You could make a list of all the useful things you uses the internet for and maybe that could show him the purpose of it.

[scrappyhappymama]

NO. Not happily.

 

I pay all of our bills online and would not want to do it from a public computer. We live in a smaller town and there are many items I cannot get locally, but can buy easily and inexpensively online. The gas I would spend to drive to buy these items in bigger cities would cost more than we pay in internet for the month! Most of my children's activities are scheduled online and communication is by email or Facebook. Going to the library with small children is challenging enough, but trying to do my business online there while keeping my children occupied and not bothering other patrons would be impossible. Plus, my time is more valuable than that!

 

I calculated how much we spend on internet per month (we have cable internet and no landline), and over three years the total equals about 1 1/2 mortgage payments. For me, reducing the payoff date of my mortgage by only ONE month would not be worth living without internet for three years. No way.

 

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

 

I value submission in a marriage, but it is not the only aspect of marriage I value. Communication and cooperation and compromise are all other big ones.

 

If your husband does not see the value of the internet for your family and for your homeschooling, then I think you need to communicate it to him in a way he will understand. Maybe track your internet use for a week or so and write down each way it benefits your family.

 

Perhaps consider other ways you can trim the budget, or contribute to it, rather than cutting out internet. I know when my husband and I disagree, he appreciates me offering alternate solutions rather than simply shooting his idea down.

 

Hopefully, if you put the financial impact to paper, as well as the benefits to your family, and your husband sees that you are willing to sacrifice in other areas to maintain this benefit, he will be willing to compromise on this issue with you.

[Cindy in C-ville]

This is a hard decision. DH really wants the house paid off in 3 years. I am tired of this battle and am half heartedly willing to submit to him. I had not realized how big an issue the internet was for him. He hates having it in the house, along with the cable. He also hates the computers. I have tried to show him it is useful in homeschooling but he doesn't see it. I don't think this is about the internet but really me willing to submit. I do everything on the internet. DS has an online class that wraps up this week so the deadline to get rid of it is close. Could you give it up? How do I still do what I do on the net without having it in the home? How do I make him see the value?

 

We turned off our internet ~ 4 months ago. There are benefits:

 

1. We have five laptops and one desktop in our house. Without internet, dh, myself, and the teens are not in their computers nearly as much.

2. I don't go to my computer when I'm bored, frustrated, etc.

3. We don't have concerns about the children stumbling upon something inappropriate.

4. We're all a lot more intentional about our internet usage since we have to leave the house to get online.

 

And there are costs:

1. We do miss opportunities at times because we don't check email/FB as often as others do.

2. I miss being able to look up recipes easily.

3. There are legitimate things I need to research with our upcoming move and it's hard to do this without having internet at home.

4. I miss being the fun of internet.

 

Overall, I'd say it's been good, but I do look forward to having internet back on when we move. However, we have learned so much from not having it and we will vigilantly guard against using the computer as a boredom buster, babysitter, or relationship wrecker.

 

A few questions from your post:

1. Wanting to pay off debt is a good thing. We are saving ~ $60/month by not having a landline and internet at the house. Is this really a significant chunk of change that would enable you to pay off your mortgage that much faster?

2. What is it about the internet that really bothers your husband? Does he struggle with addictive behavior (p*rn) and this is an effort to remove this temptation? Does he see you or the kids wasting time on it? Does he want you to come to bed and see you still "playing" on your computer?

3. What will you need help with if you don't have internet? Is your husband willing to help with these things (banking, purchasing, etc.) if you don't have internet at home?

4. Rather than working to make him see the value, I think I'd invite him out on a date, give him your undivided attention, and listen. Then I'd work to partner with him in developing vision for your family. Then, together, you can work to advance this vision deciding whether/not internet fits into your vision.

 

Honestly, life without internet is okay. I LOVE not having everyone (myself included) buried in their computers. It's inconvenient, but we've figured out ways to get done what needs to get done.

[EarleneW]

No way- I could get rid of the cable tomorrow though.

[stripe]

I don't have a very expensive internet connection but I do use it. I would be open to cutting costs but not really intending to get rid of internet access unless I was moving to some isolated area or something. I would feel uncomfortable about the idea of proving my submissiveness. That's not really how my marriage is framed.

[blakereese]

Nope. Internet will be the last thing to go. DH and I have already discussed this. :)

 

Does he really want to get rid of it because of money? Or is it because he feels you are online too much? Does he even know what you do online and how much easier it makes your life? Especially with homeschooling...I can't imagine doing it without internet at home. It's time for you two to have a real conversation about this, and discuss dollars per month, what this would cut off your mortgage, etc. And then you have a list of how much it saves you per month, estimate conservatively of course. ;) I could come up with a lot of ways I save money online, and I think a few other posters did, too. Maybe he really doesn't realize this. If he doesn't know what you do when online, maybe he really doesn't know what he is asking. To him it may not be a big deal, but he needs to know if it is a big deal to you.

 

It seems like he is more upset that you aren't just agreeing with him, no matter what he asks. That is a whole other issue. I'm not sure what advice to give about that, because I don't subscribe to the submissive thing, but I respect that you have that dynamic. I think you should be able to discuss this respectfully and come to a compromise.

 

I do think it is wonderful that you are trying to pay off your mortgage in a few years, that is amazing. Maybe there is something else you can cut out that will make your DH happy, but keep your internet? I don't know if you eat out, have a landline phone you could cancel, etc etc. In our case 3 years of internet wouldn't even pay one month's mortgage, so it wouldn't help us pay it off any faster. Thank goodness!! :lol:

[DarlaS]

Hey, I'm only 39, and I remember when we only had bulletin board systems. I had my own in college. :D

 

I remember when ebay was a list of auctions all on the homepage--and no one I knew irl had even heard of it.

[Desert Rat]

Well, OP, I would say you've gotten a lot of feedback and advise. Here's my 2 pennies.

No, I wouldn't give up the internet. To me, it sounds like this has very little to do with the internet and much more to do with dominance and power. If that's the case, that's inside your marriage and it's your business.

I will say that I'm not a submissive wife. We are a partners and I do compromise but I won't submit to something I'm completely against.

I would show him all the ways I could save that exact same amount of money, like cutting groceries or couponing or giving up something I do that cost money. I would get rid of cable and phone first.

The internet is important to homeschooling families. It's a pain not to have it in our homes.

FWIW, we are trying to pay off our house, too. Our goal is 4 years. I refuse to live those 4 years completely deprived. We still take to the kids to the occassional movie or bowling. We still celebrate our anniversary with dinner out. We buy the kids little things that make them happy. I believe in looking to the future, but living today, too.

HTH

[HappyCrazyMama]

I would and I have seriouly considered it as it is a big time sucker for me and I have a hard time with self control in this area. (Right know I supposed to be doing K for example but I just read this entire thread :001_huh::glare:) What holds me back is that it is one of the ways we communicate with family that we moved away from and now I have a nice eBay business going, it's mostly the eBay business holding me back now. I would want a laptop though so I could go somewhere with wifi now and then when I wanted to research curriculum or something of that nature.:)

[I.Dup.]

I would if dh really wanted to, yes.

 

However, that would never happen in our home as dh is a major techie guy and LOVES video games and the internet. I cannot fathom him not wanting it, although we have given it up for periods of time for marriage reasons, and it was rather lovely after awhile. I did have to run to the library or Starbucks at least once a weeks, and that was REALLY inconvenient in the snow, etc, but as time went on, I found I could go longer and longer without getting on.

 

However, I do think it's rather unrealistic in our day and age to just live without it, although at times I do wish we could cut it off again. I'm doing a job from home now that requires the internet, so for that reason alone dh wouldn't ask me to give it up as it's making us money, lol.

[Crissy]

If I only used the internet for social/homeschool reasons, I would be willing to give it up and access it at the library. Instead, the internet is a major part of my small business and we would have significant struggles if not complete failure without it.

[Stacie]

The money I would have to spend on gas driving back and forth to the library and bookstore, and the extra books I'd have to buy would more than offset the savings by getting rid of the internet. I say a big NO here.

[WTMCassandra]

This is a hard decision. DH really wants the house paid off in 3 years. I am tired of this battle and am half heartedly willing to submit to him. I had not realized how big an issue the internet was for him. He hates having it in the house, along with the cable. He also hates the computers. I have tried to show him it is useful in homeschooling but he doesn't see it. I don't think this is about the internet but really me willing to submit. I do everything on the internet. DS has an online class that wraps up this week so the deadline to get rid of it is close. Could you give it up? How do I still do what I do on the net without having it in the home? How do I make him see the value?

 

Okay, I have read through this thread. I want to preface my comments by saying that I *do* believe in submission. However.

 

I agree with the posters that the saving money issues and the submission issues are really separate.

 

In your case, for the money-saving issues, I would counter with an offer to sell extraneous computers and cancel cable, getting down to one or two computers and the internet connection. I would also look for other things to cut in the budget--meals out? haircuts at home? clothes from thrift stores?

 

It's hard to tell with just this little bit of information, but is this a submission issue or a control issue? I'm not opposed to you making a list of the practical uses for computer/internet, but if the motivation is control then he will shoot everything down. There's NO way you can "make" him understand if he does not truly wish to understand. I do sort of like the idea of you making a list of all you use the computer for, and ask him what alternatives he would like you to use instead and see if they would be cheaper. That might open up a discussion. However, I also agree with the poster who says that since you have experience in this area and he does not, it is really he who is not listening to you. I consider this of concern and sobering--I think perhaps counseling would be wise. Submitting more to a controller ultimately makes things worse. And again, I *do* believe in submission. But not in submission "tests."

 

And to answer your question about whether I would give it up: No. Not unless it was a survival situation. I'm not quite with the poster who would give up flush toilets first, but it's pretty darn close. Honestly, I don't think my husband would ever dream of asking me to do so. We do everything on the internet, even though we have raised our children in an unplugged, non pop-culture lifestyle. We view the computer/internet as a tool, not a toy.

Edited May 23, 2011 by WTMCassandra

[ereks mom]

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

 

But is he considering your opinion? I'm thinking he doesn't realize how essential the internet is for homeschooling. And really, that's not just opinon. He needs to be better informed.

 

My DH would never ask me to do this. And although it would be hard, I think I *could* do it if I needed to.

 

That being said, have you explained what it is you use it for? You say he doesn't see the value, so maybe you need to lay down what you use it for that is of value. Maybe make him a list that he can look over (instead of just saying it verbally).

 

Include both the homeschool aspect (how else are you going to research & order HS resources? Do you use any free things that you need access to?), the social aspect (Personally all of my RL friends live 45+ minutes away. I see them once a week if I'm lucky. If it was not for the internet, I would only get to talk to my DH and my DS all day every day. Not good for the momma sanity!) and other things you might do online - banking, communicating with the DR or groups you are involved in.

 

I would go to him with this list in hand and let him know these are the things you use it for. If he still feels you can do without all of those things, or he is willing to let you get them done in other ways (going to the library or coffee shop with wifi if that is an option, going to friend's house to get your grown-up time, etc). Then I would submit to his decision.

 

I think submission is important, but only as the 'final say'. You should be able to offer up your opinion and be able to talk and compromise. Otherwise he's wanting the submission for the power, not because he's trying to do what is best for the family.

 

:iagree: You said it so much better than I did.

Edited May 23, 2011 by ereks mom

[Liz CA]

I always go back to thinking that we didn't have it 20 years ago and we were fine without it. The thing is though once something becomes so mainstream, so many facets of life depend on it. When you want to change some kind of service, they repeatedly refer you to their online services, when you want to purchase something not readily available in your town, and a hundred things more.

Yes, I could do without it. Perhaps I would find a lot more time in my day ;). If my house was going to be truly paid off and then we could consider online services again, it may just be worth it...however is the money you pay for internet really going to pay your house off? I am not being sarcastic, just wondering. We have paid mega bucks (compared to what we are paying at our new house) for internet because we are not in an area where DSL is available so I understand that it can be a chunk of money....but can you save it somewhere else, i.e clothes from goodwill, no eating out if you do, cut down on cell phones, no vacations, etc.?

[Running the race]

No way.

 

We have online classes. The kids do online research. I'd cut somewhere else.

[DarlaS]

I always go back to thinking that we didn't have it 20 years ago and we were fine without it. The thing is though once something becomes so mainstream, so many facets of life depend on it.

 

:iagree:

 

If you don't have a cell phone, just try finding a pay phone anywhere.

[Jennifer3141]

I think I'd choose death over having no internet in my house. Yuck!

[nono]

I remember when ebay was a list of auctions all on the homepage--and no one I knew irl had even heard of it.

 

I remember Pong.

 

Oh, and Black and white TV. Without a remote.

[Quiver0f10]

No. I would give up a lot but not internet.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Quiver0f10

[Night Elf]

Absolutely not.

 

#1 - Our bread and butter come from DH working online every day.

#2 - We use an online school. We don't want to homeschool without a traditional type school. Without the internet, our only option would be public school.

#3 - I love the social aspect. I'd be very lonely and bored since I don't have many opportunities to talk with people outside my home. I'd become one of those crazy ladies who force conversation on others in the grocery checkout line.

#4 - I see the internet as a fact of life. Comparing the way things were years ago to the way things are today is irrelevant.

#5 - We don't have the same marriage dynamic you have so I can't advise you on that one.

[cathmom]

:iagree:

 

If you don't have a cell phone, just try finding a pay phone anywhere.

 

Exactly. I finally got a cell phone when I tried to call my oldest, who was babysitting the others, and it took me over 20 minutes to find a functional pay phone, and then it cost me $17 for a one minute collect call.

[Parrothead]

I remember Pong.

 

Oh, and Black and white TV. Without a remote.

Ahh, Pong. The good old days.

 

We had a black and white TV without a remote and only 3 channels - 4 if you were geeky enough to admit to watching PBS.

 

 

 

 

To answer the OP's question:

No, I would not voluntarily give up the internet at home.

 

The whole submit thing boggles my mind. Here we are in the 21st century with all these wonderful tools and tech, yet men are still hiding behind the Bible demanding their women submit. I don't get it. It isn't something I can wrap my mind around. I can't even wrap my mind around with being with a man who would want a submissive wife.

 

Personally, I think a good marriage counselor may be in order. There is more going on than just wanting to pay off a mortgage and be debt free. $20 a month over three years is less than $1000. Ditching the internet connection is not going to be that helpful in paying off the house in the grand scheme of things. You could probably save more money couponing or getting a part time job.

[Mama2Many4]

Yes, we're going to be canceling cable ,phone and internet very soon to save money. I have a smart phone and I'll be using that to access the internet. I won't be able to print except for when I tether, but I'll survive. People homeschooled for years without internet. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. ;)

[Aelwydd]

The whole submit thing boggles my mind. Here we are in the 21st century with all these wonderful tools and tech, yet men are still hiding behind the Bible demanding their women submit. I don't get it. It isn't something I can wrap my mind around. I can't even wrap my mind around with being with a man who would want a submissive wife.

 

Me, neither. :confused:

[simka2]

If I had to. But dh would never ask under the conditions you have described.

[beezus]

I suppose I could live without the internet, but I really don't want to, because it makes my life easier in so many ways. My grandma washed her clothes in a metal tub instead of a washing machine, and strolled over to the privy instead of using a flush toilet, but I don't want to give up my washer or modern bathroom, even though I suppose I could.

 

The submission thing is a bit foreign to me because it's never been part of our family dynamic, but if someone is demanding on the right to make decisions for others, isn't there a corresponding obligation to seriously consider the interests of those for whom he is deciding? Sounds like he is using the submission card to justify making you do what he wants. What about his responsibility to take the needs of others into account?

 

If family finances are that tough, it seems like you could make a bigger impact by cutting other things, for example, not buying big slabs of meat and going vegetarian at least part of the time, not going out to dinner or movies so much. If my husband were wanting me to give up the internet while still spending money on his hobbies or for the premium cable sports channel he wanted to watch, I'd feel rather resentful, because it would seem like he was prioritizing his personal needs over the family's and abusing his authority to do so. But, maybe that is not the issue at all for you and others see this differently.

 

Internet for us is a very small part of out budget, but is used for work, bill paying, curriculum shopping, research and homeschool classes. The cost is pretty minimal for the benefits provided, at least to us. Has he really thought about what costs would increase if internet were cut? Stamps. Higher curriculum costs for having to buy new or not being able to find used items easily. More gas for transportation to get to the library, bookstore to do things you used to do online. Doesn't seem like he's really considered that there might be extra hidden costs associated with cutting this expense.

[kwickimom]

No. I mean, I wouldnt die but I would feel like I was :) My brother and sis in law are in France for language school and will head on to Mali, Africa next year. We Skype weekly and will do so as long as we can. We are a tight family and not seeing them for 3 straight years is reaallly hard and so Skype is our lifeline and I am pretty sure I would not ever give up my Internet just for that reason. We live 5 hours from all other family and I really love that my kids can Skype and see their grandparents and aunts and uncles whenever they want to.

[bettyandbob]

It is how people communicate today. Every announcement I get is through email, church, 4H, my part time job. Every single thing. No one remembers "so and so isn't on the email list, we've got to call her." If I lived next door to the library maybe. But our library has shortened hours. I would need to check email at least three times a week. I live 5 - 8 minutes away by car, but I could not get there three times a week and burning the fuel to get there would be counter to the point of giving up internet.

 

The internet makes free resources for homeschooling accessible. The internet makes it possible for me to evaluate products and prices when my family needs something like a dishwasher. The internet makes it possible for me to get stuff for free through freecycle or some special deal. We were down to 3 dinner plates (family of five) and I got almost a full set of correlle. I'd been pricing dishes for a while and kept putting off getting any, even from the thrift store.

[katilac]

Yes, we're going to be canceling cable ,phone and internet very soon to save money. I have a smart phone and I'll be using that to access the internet. I won't be able to print except for when I tether, but I'll survive. People homeschooled for years without internet. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. ;)

 

While I'm sure people with kids of all ages homeschool with no internet, it's much, MUCH easier to do so when they are as young as yours. Fast forward to junior high, and you'll be clamoring for it again ;)

 

To answer the OP, I need internet for my p/t job, but I would not get rid of it even if I didn't "need" it. We use it a fair amount for school, particularly for researching curriculum and resources. And no, I am not going to schlepp to the library with my laptop and my notebooks, not gonna do it.

 

It's also THE main way I communicate with people. A constantly ringing phone is much more distracting to me than emails that politely wait in my inbox, :D. As a matter of fact, I coordinate a few things for my homeschool groups, and if you're not on the email list, you won't have any idea what is going on. I do not make phone calls to solicit opinions or make changes to the calendar; it takes too much time.

 

If someone didn't have email they could check often? Hmmm, they better have a phone that texts, because I still wouldn't call them, lol.

 

Has your dh given up something that HE values in order to pay off the mortgage? Tell him that internet access is considerably cheaper than marriage counseling.