what have your kids done to TOTALLY embarrass you?

[AnitaMcC]

Lets see...

 

One time my twins (boy and girl) were about 3 yrs old. We were in the grocery store and Ds needed to go potty. The bathroom was only one room.. no stalls. So I took them both in and Ds promptly pulled his pants down to go potty. Then Dd decided she needed to go so she does. And of course they noticed (again) that Dd didn't have a pee-pee like Ds. I again explained to them that boys have one and girls don't.

 

So we leave the bathroom and do our shopping. In the check out line an elderly nun is saying how cute the twins were and asked if they were identical (many people don't realize that it is impossible for boy/girl twins to be identical). I gently explain that one was a boy and the other a girl so they are fraternal twins. And Dd promptly says "He has a p*nis and I don't". Now remember this was an elderly Catholic nun.

[kitten18]

Today I was MORTIFIED. Dh and I decided to have a nice day going to my favorite greenhouse, then to Homegoods to see if I could get another beautiful glass art plate, then to run an errand. We want to have an enjoyable weekend because I have a hard time with the holidays.

 

It was a LOVELY day. Until.......................

 

The girls behaved all day, just as they normally do. I noticed they started to get a little antsy towards the end of the day but didn't think much of it. As dh went to stand in line to check out, I went down one aisle looking at the frog displays when I noticed two large, beautifully colored chaise's that would look perfect by our pool. I am a person who LOVES color so I exclaimed, "Girls! Look at those pretty colors!" The girls ran to the chaises claiming their colors, "I get the green!" "I get the orange!" All of a sudden

 

CRASH

 

People came running. I felt this big.

 

Apparently, the backs of the chairs were right against a display of tin stands/garden decorations, most of which were about 3 ft. tall. They went crashing to the floor but it was SO LOUD. People came running to see what had happened (customers, NOT employees!) and I was MORTIFIED. I VERY FIRMLY told the girls to go to their father RIGHT NOW and don't touch a thing. As I put everything back up on display, people still came to see what the ruckus was. Did I mention that I was MORTIFIED?

 

When I went back to the line to meet up with dh and the girls, people were still staring at me. (I was irritated by this. Honestly, I can't remember anything like this EVER happening with my girls!) I again VERY firmly told the girls, "That will NEVER again happen in this lifetime, will it." That was a declarative sentence/statement and not a question. They looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said, "No." Dh stood by silently because truly, there was nothing more to do/say.

 

I came home and mixed myself a drink. It's kind of funny, really, but MAN was I embarrassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm practically afraid to go to Homegoods by myself! They stack the shelves so precariously it is ridiculous! I went there a few weeks ago with my kids and I could not get out fast enough.

 

The part about people staring at you reminds me of a story with my DD. We used to go to MOPS. Two years ago, when DD was 5, we were headed into the building one morning and we were very late and as I opened the door, BONK, DD ran right into it with her forehead. I should have known to turn around and go home right then. She used to 'freak out' when she got hurt. She would just have the most extreme reactions, I don't know how to describe it, almost like a rabid animal. So, I still have some hope of salvaging our morning and all these moms are coming by trying to talk to her and DD is almost growling at them while I'm explaining what happened and they are all like, :eek::scared::huh:, like they had NEVER seen anything like it before. After about 5 minutes we just went home and we never went back to MOPS (I had planned to stop going, that was just the icing on the cake). I really wasn't that embarrassed, I was more angry that instead of sympathy, the other moms were horrified.

[AnitaMcC]

Another time...

 

Ds#2 was about 2yrs old and going through a phase of body curiosity and so when he is taking a bath I was often reminding him to stop playing with his "winky".

 

We were at the mall and Dh took Ds to the bathroom to change Ds diaper and for Dh to go too. Well Ds comes running out of the bathroom to me, and tells me very loudly that "Daddy was playing with his "winky" going pee-pee".

 

 

Or how about when Ds#1 was going through a phase of singing when he was about 4yrs old. This was before he had Asperger Syndrome dx. We were in Kohls and he decided to sing. He over hears someone say the word "sh*t" and so he starts singing very clearly the word "sh*t" over and over again. I tell him that isn't a nice word to say or sing. So he stops. When we were in line he over heard some one say the f word. Yep, he started singing that word over and over again.

 

The cashier was an older lady and she just stared at me.

Edited April 24, 2011 by AnitaMcC

[LizzyBee]

My kids are all very skinny, but the middle one's belly used to pop out after she ate. So when I gave her a bath, I'd say, "Look at that big, fat belly!" One day when she was about 3 yo, I picked her up from daycare, and as we were leaving, we passed a very large employee. My dd said, "Look at that big, fat belly!" I hoped that maybe Pat didn't quite hear or understand what B. said, but no such luck. I was mortified and never said that to my dd again.

 

My oldest dd embarassed us more times than I can count by throwing tantrums in public. She was one of those kids who would lie down and throw her head back on the concrete floor in stores. Supposedly, if you don't give in, the tantrums will stop, but good gracious, she was still throwing tantrums when she was 8 years old. And we NEVER gave in, so I don't know why she continued that behavior for so long.

[AnitaMcC]

Oh and this is hilarious one...

 

We were in the doctor office for kids checkups. Ds#3 was about 4yrs old and a nurse comes in and lets just say she was well endowed. So the nurse was leaning over Ds to look at his throat and ears, etc. Ds grabs her in her bOOks and says clearly "Look Mommy... she has bigger bOOks than you". Of course it isn't saying much about my size that barely fits in A cup-LOL.

 

And of course the pediatrician is a man and was right outside the door and saw/heard what Ds did. I was so embarrassed!!!!

Edited April 24, 2011 by AnitaMcC

[Maverick_Mom]

Ds #2 has sensory issues. In particular, church bothers him because of the acoustics. One Sunday, we were in church, and the choir had just sung a special song before the sermon. I knew the volume was bothering him because he had his hands over his ears. But he got through it and I figured everything was okay. At the end, though, when the choir had finished singing and before the pastor got up to preach, there was a moment or two of silence, so everyone in the church heard ds say out loud, "Mom, that was HORRIBLE!" :blush: *I* knew that what he meant was horrible was the ordeal of dealing with the sound ... but of course that's not what everyone else thought he meant. I really wanted to crawl under the pew.

[Sparkle]

Oh, man, I have several, but I only have time to post one. Several years ago, dd8 was probably 4 at the time, we went to see the big Catholic cathedral which had just reopened after a major renovation and restoration. We had to park several blocks away and walk to it. As we're walking, we pass by some fountains in the outdoor mall. DD is begging me for a coin to throw in the fountain. I say, no, we're in a hurry right now, but we can throw one in when we come back. She's still having a little fit, so I give her a nickel and tell her to hold on to it, and throw it in the fountain on the way back to the car.

 

We reach the cathedral, and walk in the front doors. I'm looking up at the ceiling and dome, not paying attention to dd. She sees the marble baptismal font, which is built into the floor like a pool, and immediately runs up and throws her coin in. :001_huh: I'm horrified, and looking around to see if anyone else has noticed. There's a little bronze railing that runs all the way around, and I can't decide if I should reach through and try to fish out her coin, or if that will only attract more attention. I decide to leave the coin where it is, in hopes that no one will look in too closely.

 

Next week, my BIL comes by for a visit, and mentions that they have put up a sign at the cathedral, "Please do not throw coins in the baptismal font". :tongue_smilie:

[jewellsmommy]

This past January, dd was getting her cast cut off. It was cut off and she was waiting for examination. Well, the Orthopedic, a nurse and an intern come in the room. Dd had been an unusual case because she wasn't healing very fast.

 

The nurse picks up the cast remains and points out how dd had worn holes in it. The Dr goes to her foot and comments about no wonder she wasn't healing and jokingly asked if I ran a circus or something like that. Ds kind of slides in front of me and in between the Dr and the table were dd's foot is. Before I can call him back, he lets one RIP :eek:, with extra push. The Dr had to feel the reverberation as ds was right on the Dr's leg .:001_huh: The room grew so still and dh goes "son! really!? Get over here boy!" The nurse and intern just burst out laughing. The dr, well...not so much.

 

I cannot believe that I actually spoke these words while leaving "We do not purposefully fart on doctors. It's rude!"

[idnib]

One time in the fall of 2008 (election info everywhere) we were at the library. DS was 4 years old and had recently begun going to the men's room on his own. I waited outside and when he came out I asked him if everything went okay. We were standing in the hallway close to the men's room exit. Just then an African American man came out of the men's room, while my son simultaneously exclaimed, "Guess what? Barack Obama is in there!"

 

Except for color of his skin and hair, this man looked nothing like Barack Obama. He was at least 4 inches taller and 50 lbs heavier with longer hair and completely different facial features. DS's comment was based solely in skin color, I think.

 

Luckily the man just smiled. I was pretty embarrassed. :blushing:

[Koerarmoca]

My kids embarrass me on a regular basis. Today we where visiting a HS family the first time meeting them. My 9 year old made a comment to me loud enough for the Mom to hear.. "hey mom remember how messy the office was at our old house? The upstairs here is worse" I laughed it off and said that is life my dear. The mom and I just laughed and I hope she wasn't embarrassed. I figure I just wont clean the house for a day or to before inviting her down to our house :lol:

[kolamum]

When my eldest was about 4 we were down a shampoo isle and so was another man. My son looks at the man looks at his Daddy and says, "Daddy? Why would a bald man need shampoo?" We looked up and noticed the man was bald and crawled out of the isle

 

Which isn't nearly as bad as when he said to my sil, "I really love your b..bs!" when we asked him to tell her good-bye. She was lost for words and my brother said, "Me too, Buddy!"

 

Or when we gave Mom a box full of craft supplies and he said really loudly, "Gram, here's your box of cr.p!" He honestly had a lisp and had said crapt but wow did it sound mean.. His speech issues also caused him to call the neighbors dog, Teddy, a word with two t's instead of d's.

 

Yeah, well by the time the next one came along we figured we couldn't be embarrassed by much.. that was until we flew overseas with him. His charming brother informed him that if he pottied in his pants the airplane men would chuck you off the plane.

 

So when there was a long line to the bathroom our 4 year old looked petrified and started screaming, "I don't want to get chucked off!!" Funnier yet, the steward thought he was wailing because he had to go potty so bad and rushed us to the front of the line. By the time we got back to our seats dh was hiding under his.

[woolybear]

Ooh, I just remembered another one. Last fall we were at Walmart. The boys were looking at all kinds of baseball stuff. There were two male employees in the same aisle. Well, my two ds turn to the cups (also know as penis protectors in my house:001_smile:). They start discussing all of them. Then one of the boys points to a large size one and says LOUDLY, "Look at this one! It's HUGE. Can you imagine the penis that fits in there? Maybe Daddy would need that size." The two guys working there look at us and start laughing. And me.......ummm...just a wee bit embarrassed.

[cin]

I was shopping for a baby gift for a friend's new little one. I had my 2 girls with me. at that time, I'd say 3 & 7. To fully appreciate the conversation, you have to realize that for some reason, the 7 yr old was acting as an interpreter, literally repeating everything that was said.

 

DD3: Why's it pink on this rack and blue on that rack?

(DD7 repeats the question)

Me: because pink is for girls and blue is for boys, so they separate them to make it easier to shop

(DD7 repeats the answer)

DD3: How do they know if it's a boy or girl?

Me: The Dr. tells them

DD3: How does the Dr. know?

Me: <oh crap, here we go> I say softly, Little boys have a p***s, little girls don't

(DD7 repeats it, just not so softly!)

DD3: What's a p***s?

DD7 answers this one immediately: It's that lump in daddy's pants.

 

:svengo:

 

The thought did occur to me to walk away from the girls. After all, they are both Asian. And I am not. And no one would know they were mine, right?

[kalanamak]

When my eldest was about 4 we were down a shampoo isle and so was another man. My son looks at the man looks at his Daddy and says, "Daddy? Why would a bald man need shampoo?" We looked up and noticed the man was bald and crawled out of the isle

 

 

This reminds me, although I wasn't witness, when kiddo noticed that the old Korean men at the Y made lots of gargling and splashing noises in the shower. Lots of hawking and spitting. So, when he saw one totter off to the toilets, not the urinals, he broke away from my husband, ran down to the stall, squatted in front of it, and made a deep "straining" sound with his throat. He was, of course, right in the midst of potty training and very interested in all this. Hubby grabbed him and went back out to the pool before the old gentleman could come out.

[MariannNOVA]

Oh, Denise! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

The ONE that stands out in my mind:

 

When Stacey was about 8 yrs old (so this is 24 yrs ago) we had made meals that we had to deliver to a Church - not the Church we attended, but it was all part of some larger group of Churches.

 

We bring our large foil pans into the kitchen where the coordinator's for that congregation are waiting to accept meals, and we introduce ourselves.

 

They ask where we attend Church and Stacey responds -- the woman accepting meals says: 'Oh, then you must know the XXX-twins -- they attend there with their mom.' And, yes, we did 'know' the twins -- they were terribly behaved and my girls and their other 2 or 3 friends tended to stay away from them as the twins were always involved in some hijinks that necessitated notices being put in the weekly bulletin. :glare:

 

But, 8 year olds are not know for discretion and Stacey answers:

 

'We know them. Boy, are they brats. They are ALWAYS getting in trouble.'

 

The woman FROZE -- her eyes were shooting daggars at Stacey. Then she said to Stacey -- ' Well, what if I told you they are my nieces?' And, Stacey looked at me. I then said to Stacey (in front of the woman): 'Maybe it would be have been wiser to leave it at 'we know them.'' Stacey shrugged and turned to the woman and said -- 'We know your nieces.' Stacey pauses and proceeds: 'They are ALWAYS getting in trouble.' Then she looks at me and asks: 'Was that better?'

 

I smiled, said to the woman: 'Enjoy the baked ziti,' and we hightailed it out of there.:auto:

[WarriorMama]

My son was just under two and we were at a crowded mall. He was riding in the stroller eating an apple, and for once not throwing a fit. I have to admit I was feeling pretty good about myself...I was getting all my errands done, the kids were all behaving well, they were eating fruit instead of junk food...go me!

 

Feeling benevolent, I stopped at the fountain and let them throw in coins, which they love doing, until I ran out of change. This is the point where my beloved toddler casually winds up and hurls his half-eaten apple right into the middle of the fountain. :eek:

 

Did I mention it was REALLY busy and about a hundred people witnessed this? So embarrassing.

 

The same toddler wouldn't call his grandpa anything but 'Santa' when grandpa grew out his beard. To be fair, grandpa really DID look just like Santa, and I guess somebody had to tell him... :lol:

[Impish]

Wolf came stomping through the door one day, with Tazzie in tow. Declared he'd never take the kid in public again.

 

Turned out, Tazzie had been at the line up in the grocery store, and kept grabbing his crotch. Wolf hissed at him, 'Stop that! Leave your wiener alone!" Tazzie, who at 2 hadn't mastered 'volume' yet, looked at his dad and yelled, "ITS NOT A WIENER! ITS A PEEEENIUS!!!"

 

Apparently the cashier just about choked to death.

[kitten18]

 

Next week, my BIL comes by for a visit, and mentions that they have put up a sign at the cathedral, "Please do not throw coins in the baptismal font". :tongue_smilie:

:lol::lol::lol:

[Mommee & Baba]

I have many many times that I am utterly shocked at the behavior and things that my children say and do.

 

I swear I raised them much stricter than they act at times. :glare:

 

Well my dd7 says the most embarrassing things ALL the time. From telling the plumber who came to fix on our sink that I buy her underwear at Walmart....Ummm what??? Why did you feel the need to tell him that!? Then yesterday we were at a Japanese resteraunt sitting around the hibachi grill when the Japanese chef came out and started his show with the utensils when dd7 says...Japanese people look funnier than us, I like that. Esp their faces! I was HORRIFIED!

 

dd6 rarely says embarrassing things..but she DOES embarrasing things..she will itch spots on her that really is not something to do OUT IN PUBLIC!! Then she will grab my leg and rub on my dress and CLING to me and it's really horrifying. It's not bad but it's not really feasable to hug and cuddle me while I'm pushing a shopping cart full and dealing with a toddler that's wanting to jump out of the cart. She'll do it and not even realize she's basically sitting on my foot as I drag her along..:lol:

 

DS2 well he's 2! Imagine what he does. He screams, runs up and down aisles and slaps and smacks his siblings and me. OUT OF CONTROL. I thought that I really was just an awful mother because of his behavior. Then we went out to a used book store yesterday as a family and DS2 proceeds to RUN up and down all the book aisles SINGING at the top of his lungs....I was HORRIFIED...dh finally looked at me and said we have GOT to GO! The week prior to this he climbed out of the Walgreens shopping cart....and took off running across the store screaming and laughing and meanwhile I have a huge coupon binder open in my cart with my dd6...so I had to bail on the binder/cart and my dd6 to get him before he go away where I couldn't see where he went! The doors at Walgreens open upon movement..that was my fear! DD6 guarded the cart and stood by the cosmetics counter while I ran for dear life. Needless to say I got the worst looks and mumbles of how I need to get a handle on my ds.:001_huh: As I mumbled back "ya, you're telling me"!:lol:

[QueenCat]

My husband and children want to know why I'm in hysterics right now, with tears rolling down my face.

 

Story 1: Older ds, when he was about 6, was checking out his baseball uniform, at the ball park. He put the private protector over his nose, and wanted to know why he needed a face mask in baseball.

 

Story 2: Younger ds was very small when he was little. He walked up to a rather large boy, about his age, in a restaurant, and asked "how did you get to be so big?". The thing is, he really wanted to know so he could get bigger.

[Sophia]

When my oldest was 7 (old enough to know better) he accompanied me on a doctor's visit.

 

The doc came in and sat on one of those rolling chairs with an adjustable seat.

 

I saw ds eyeball the lever in the back of the seat as the doc sat in front of me, and thought...nah, I don't need to say anything.

 

A second later...whoosh! ds pushed the lever and the good doc was two feet closer to the floor.

Oh my, you should have seen the expression on the doctor's face!

 

I was so embarrassed and because I was so embarrassed, I could. not. stop. laughing.:blushing:

 

Fortunately, the doctor was very nice about it and said he had boys of his own.

Edited April 25, 2011 by Sophia

[dirty ethel rackham]

At least that was an accident. Ds14 was irritated about having to go to two Easter services (Easter Vigil for my RCIA candidate) and serving 9AM mass today), having to be dressed up (dress shirt and pants - no tie, no sport coat, folks.) But the final straw was having to go to the reception after the Vigil Mass, still in his dress clothes. So, he scowled at people who tried to make small talk with him. I tried joke around with him to make him crack a smile or two, but he scowled at me, too. Yep, I felt like a good mom last night ... NOT.

[grace'smom]

:rofl:

My daughter was around 3 or so.

 

She loved to come up behind my husband or I and stick her head up under the backs of our teeshirts.

 

We would reach round to pat her head going, "Hey! Where's Alexa? And what is this lump on my butt?"

 

And she would crack up.

 

It was funny until the day we were standing on a long check out line at the supermarket and Alexa, growing bored, asked loudly:

 

Daddy, can we play the butt game?

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol: This reminds me of when my daughter shouted across the neighborhood pool to my husband all day "Daddy, I want some special private time with you!"

 

This was because we had explained to her that sometimes mom and dad do things together by ourselves, rather than having everything be a total family event. She didn't understand why we might want to go to the movies without her.

 

So, anyhoo, DH didn't know what to do so he just let her say that all day until he got home and told me what she said at the pool.

[StinkyFace]

Lets see...

 

One time my twins (boy and girl) were about 3 yrs old. We were in the grocery store and Ds needed to go potty. The bathroom was only one room.. no stalls. So I took them both in and Ds promptly pulled his pants down to go potty. Then Dd decided she needed to go so she does. And of course they noticed (again) that Dd didn't have a pee-pee like Ds. I again explained to them that boys have one and girls don't.

 

So we leave the bathroom and do our shopping. In the check out line an elderly nun is saying how cute the twins were and asked if they were identical (many people don't realize that it is impossible for boy/girl twins to be identical). I gently explain that one was a boy and the other a girl so they are fraternal twins. And Dd promptly says "He has a p*nis and I don't". Now remember this was an elderly Catholic nun.

 

That reminds of a time when DD was a couple of month old and I was changing her diaper. Stinky Face and his younger brother were running around and noticed that she looks different that they are. With a big "Eureka!" type moment Stinky Face explained to his brother that their sister is very little and that's why her "pee" did not grow yet...:lol:

 

Now talking about embarrassing - same daughter 2 years later. We were watching Stinky Face having a karate practice (it was one of those days when I had all little ones with me and the oldest son was with Dad at football practice). My youngest son and DD are playing nicely together till a little boy joins them. They decided to see who can run faster...Now my son was 4, she was 2 at a time and the little boy was about her age. They started to run and she pushes little boy away so she could win (not hard but he fell down). Talk about embarrassing! I know she has 3 older brothers and they all are very competitive but I was almost in tears. The boy did not get hurt or anything, it was just so not like her. I had to leave earlier...

 

We never had any other stories like this with her, I'll keep my mouth shut about boys.:tongue_smilie:

[Mandi in Ohio]

These are great! Makes me feel like my kids are "normal! HA! Thanks for the smiles!

[kalanamak]

 

Daddy, can we play the butt game?

 

:lol: Oh, I could see that one.

 

Okay, this one kiddo just said to me, but it was one of those "scenes from a movie".

Kiddo was fascinated by the cameras at the local ValueVillage, and I explained shoplifting to him. I think I said something about shoving it down your pants or hiding it under your skirt.

 

A little later, after looking at the stuffed animals, we were in the purse section and there was a .... lady ... in the shortest skirt on earth with no undies. You could see the bottoms of her buttocks. She had smeared mascara and jet black hair. She saw my son and started just bubbling (he was very cute at 4). After a polite moment I moved him on, and in the next aisle he said she was going to get in trouble. I thought "showing her buttocks". He said "she was stealing a black teddy bear under her dress".

[nono]

:lol: Oh, I could see that one.

 

Okay, this one kiddo just said to me, but it was one of those "scenes from a movie".

Kiddo was fascinated by the cameras at the local ValueVillage, and I explained shoplifting to him. I think I said something about shoving it down your pants or hiding it under your skirt.

 

A little later, after looking at the stuffed animals, we were in the purse section and there was a .... lady ... in the shortest skirt on earth with no undies. You could see the bottoms of her buttocks. She had smeared mascara and jet black hair. She saw my son and started just bubbling (he was very cute at 4). After a polite moment I moved him on, and in the next aisle he said she was going to get in trouble. I thought "showing her buttocks". He said "she was stealing a black teddy bear under her dress".

 

OK, I think we have a winner! (need the fainting smiley here)

[AnitaMcC]

At least that was an accident. Ds14 was irritated about having to go to two Easter services (Easter Vigil for my RCIA candidate) and serving 9AM mass today), having to be dressed up (dress shirt and pants - no tie, no sport coat, folks.) But the final straw was having to go to the reception after the Vigil Mass, still in his dress clothes. So, he scowled at people who tried to make small talk with him. I tried joke around with him to make him crack a smile or two, but he scowled at me, too. Yep, I felt like a good mom last night ... NOT.

 

 

This is my boys!!!!

 

Ds#1 even scowled/growled at people at his own 1st Communion.

[AnitaMcC]

That reminds of a time when DD was a couple of month old and I was changing her diaper. Stinky Face and his younger brother were running around and noticed that she looks different that they are. With a big "Eureka!" type moment Stinky Face explained to his brother that their sister is very little and that's why her "pee" did not grow yet...:lol:

 

 

 

Reminds me when Dd and Ds were around 2 1/2. She started crying one afternoon. I asked her what was wrong. She said that Ds told her that her winky broke off. She thought she was in trouble for "breaking" something.

[Firestar Academy]

this post-thread is like a train wreck...I can't keep away...all.day....I keep coming back and looking at the new posts..

 

Robin in NJ

[Sparkle]

Hilarious thread! Coming back to post a couple more. Why do they always do the most embarrassing things in church?

 

Once, when ds13 was little, I guess about 5, we were at Easter Vigil, and he was in a bad mood for some reason, and just being uncooperative. I'm trying to ignore him and focus on the Mass. We get to the part where the priest is having us renew our baptismal vows - he asks the questions, "Do you believe in God the Father...? etc etc" and we all answer "I do" except for ds who shouts out, "I DON'T!" nice and loud so everyone around us can hear him.

 

Then there was this same son's First Communion when he was 7. We had the whole family there, and I had brought along some snacks for the little ones because it was a long service. As we're waiting, ds reaches over and grabs a cracker and starts eating it. If you know Catholic Mass "rules", you know you aren't supposed to eat for an hour before Communion. I realize what ds is doing and I'm like ACK! "Did you swallow it yet? No? Quick, spit it out in my hand!" Whew. Saved. I'm thinking, how do I explain to everyone that my son couldn't receive his First Communion because he ate something beforehand? Talk about a major disaster narrowly averted.

 

Same son, now older, is now an altar server. Decides that what we wears under his altar server robes doesn't matter, because the robe hides it, right? Except when he lifts up his arms to hold the service book for the priest and you can clearly see that he is wearing one tan sock and one black sock.

 

This one happened at co-op (one that actually didn't happen at church!) Involves same son though. I believe he was about 8 at the time. I find out from PE teacher that while the kids were playing tag, ds decides to pull down his pants (fortunately not his underwear though). When I asked him why, he said, "Well, I figured if I pulled my pants down, the other kids wouldn't tag me."

[Nakia]

:lol: Oh, I could see that one.

 

Okay, this one kiddo just said to me, but it was one of those "scenes from a movie".

Kiddo was fascinated by the cameras at the local ValueVillage, and I explained shoplifting to him. I think I said something about shoving it down your pants or hiding it under your skirt.

 

A little later, after looking at the stuffed animals, we were in the purse section and there was a .... lady ... in the shortest skirt on earth with no undies. You could see the bottoms of her buttocks. She had smeared mascara and jet black hair. She saw my son and started just bubbling (he was very cute at 4). After a polite moment I moved him on, and in the next aisle he said she was going to get in trouble. I thought "showing her buttocks". He said "she was stealing a black teddy bear under her dress".

 

I agree with nono! This one cannot be beat! That is hilarious!!!!!!!!

[Alyeska]

Once in church, we had a missionary speaking and Micah (7, but was 4 at the time) heard him mention frogs. He loudly said, "When I fart sometimes Nana says I have a frog in my pants, but I don't. Just a fart." People all over our section heard and I saw shoulders start shaking from laughter.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

A number of years ago we were renting an apartment. I was having trouble with our neighbors and went to the front office to ask for advice on how to proceed with the problem and took my dd with me. She was 2.5 at the time.

 

So I was discussing the problem with the manager and he looked over and mentioned that my dd really enjoyed playdoh.

 

Um...it wasn't playdoh. She decided to reach in her diaper and pull out her poo, then she proceeded to smear it all over the top of the coffee table.

 

Then there was the time that this same child, who was 18 months, decided she no longer wanted to wear her angel costume during the Christmas pageant...and started to strip in front of the whole church. I got it on video and plan to use it against her later. ;)

[Cindy in the NH Woods]

Oh my, these are great!

 

Anyway, while entertaining guests in the living room, I noticed that my sister had quickly darted over to the stairway where my little daughter was descending. Apparently, she had discovered a bag of rather outrageous lingerie that I had stashed in the back of her closet, as she had the largest closet in our old house. She believed she had found the mother lode of all dress up clothes. :001_huh: All I saw was the black lace thigh high stocking on her head like a cap... Heaven knows what else....

[Cindy in the NH Woods]

The same child as before mentioned, at about age three, was upstairs playing with her friend Teddy while his mom (my boss at work) and I had lunch together downstairs. When I called up the stairs to check on them, Teddy appeared at the top of the steps in only a pair of underwear. I announced this to his mom who said, "Um, he isn't wearing any underwear today." Upon further inspection, I noticed the underwear label said "Hanes Her Way". :confused:

[Teachin'Mine]

The biggest one was when kiddo was 3. There was a bathroom in a restaurant that had one of those taps you could turn on a little and it would go BANG BANG BANG. My son thought it was hilarious, but he thought the noise was coming out of the open drain.

 

FYI, he called "the women's room" "the woman's".

 

So, we leave, and he has to share the joy, and runs ahead of me to a pack of teenaged boys, points back at me, and shouts "There is a funny noise coming out of that woman's hole". I kept right on going and ate some where else. All the boys just froze, and looked as I went by, snatching kiddo as I passed.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

ETA: These are all hysterical!!!

Edited April 25, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[Cindyz]

I thought of another one. We were at the zoo where they had a dinosaur exhibit. Before heading to the dinosaurs, we went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, someone in the next stall farted really loud and my son said, "MOM!!! Did you hear that dinosaur roaring!" :lol:

 

One more from the other night. We went out to eat and he had to go to the bathroom. After doing his business and pulling up his pants, he said really loud, "Sometimes my penis stands up and sometimes it lays down!" Yea, of course all of the other stalls were packed with people.

[Sun]

When my oldest was three and I was pregnant with my youngest we had passes to a local waterpark. I took my oldest to change with me and my son went with my husband to change. We walked into the changing room and helped my oldest change into her swimsuit and then started to change into mine. This was about the point Abby declared, "Wow, Mom! Your nipples are really huge!" :glare: It would have been one thing, but a few seconds later my husband texted me asking how big my nipples really were. The men's changing room shared a wall with the women's and she was heard through BOTH changing rooms. :blushing:

 

:lol:

 

I'll make you all feel good with a story that happened to my friend at church. She and her husband had been having a hard time toilet training their then 3yo ds, and they'd finally started encouraging him to pee against a bush outside so that he wouldn't have an accident before he could get to the house. Well, he learned that lesson really well. One day after church everyone was gathered on the steps and sidewalk to chat and the pastor was outside the doors shaking hands. As my friend was thanking the pastor, her ds decided he had to go and started to pee off the edge of the top step and onto the large bush next to it. My friend saw it start to happen and lunged to try to get him to stop and managed only to get him to turn slightly, still peeing, so that he just missed a woman standing below the steps.

[QueenCat]

:lol:

 

I'll make you all feel good with a story that happened to my friend at church. She and her husband had been having a hard time toilet training their then 3yo ds, and they'd finally started encouraging him to pee against a bush outside so that he wouldn't have an accident before he could get to the house. Well, he learned that lesson really well. One day after church everyone was gathered on the steps and sidewalk to chat and the pastor was outside the doors shaking hands. As my friend was thanking the pastor, her ds decided he had to go and started to pee off the edge of the top step and onto the large bush next to it. My friend saw it start to happen and lunged to try to get him to stop and managed only to get him to turn slightly, still peeing, so that he just missed a woman standing below the steps.

 

Just spewed my soda.... that's hysterical!

[Laura Corin]

On a plane I was reading a book about Magellan's voyage. Unbeknownst to me, Calvin was reading over my shoulder. In a loud, clear, seven-year-old's voice he asked, "Mummy, what's 'sodomy'"

 

Laura

[Retired]

my youngest has a long line of embarrassing moments but the 2 that standout

 

I use to workout at the YMCA when the boy were preschool. The daycare was in the back of the building.

 

I finish my workout went to get the boys and starting walking through the weight room to the front door. The boys were behind me and I was just walking out minding my own business and heard all kinds of laughs. Well I turned around to find my little guy around age 5 had the front of his elastic band shorts pulled down so his privates were on display.

 

I finally turned around and looked back yeah my little man had it all hanging out.

 

2# episode the absolute worst

 

restaurant very nice we are having a lovely dinner and the boys are very well behaved then just out of know were my little boy starts talking for all to here

 

I've got a penis

(not the best thing to say but not to bad I don't think anyone heard him)

 

 

louder (brother name) got a penis

(the tables around us heard and a few laughs)

 

 

really loud Daddy got a big o penis

(OMG half the restaurant laughing I pick him up and fixing to walk out with him before he says anything else )

 

yes while walking between table for the finish of the most embarrassing child

 

 

Momma only got a hole:blush:

 

The restaurant got an anatomy lesson from my 4 yo

[JeneralMom]

My children are usually excellent in restaurants. For example, I took them to a restaurant at the height of lunchtime during the work week - we walked in and all these business people just stared at us and I heard someone say, in a voice loud enough for me to hear, "well, there goes our lunch." So, we sit down to all these glares, order our food (it was Vietnamese), my kids get there drinks, I dish their food out, they take out their chopsticks, and politely talk about how yummy the food is and quietly eat. I had six people come up to me and tell me how wonderful my kids are, and what adventuresome eaters.

 

Fast forward to last week. DH was out of town at a meeting and I decided to take the kids to a steakhouse. The waitress sat us at a big semi circular booth around a round table. We ordered right away, and then waited. The kids decided to get into a fight, the littlest ran around the bench and tried to rub the stuffed bull on the wall. Apparently, when I took the littlest to the washroom, the started throwing bread at each other. The couple in the booth next to us asked to be moved and the old man said to me "a good whupping would take care of that". I was mortified. I asked for our food to go and got out of there as fast as I could.

[nono]

my youngest has a long line of embarrassing moments but the 2 that standout

 

I use to workout at the YMCA when the boy were preschool. The daycare was in the back of the building.

 

I finish my workout went to get the boys and starting walking through the weight room to the front door. The boys were behind me and I was just walking out minding my own business and heard all kinds of laughs. Well I turned around to find my little guy around age 5 had the front of his elastic band shorts pulled down so his privates were on display.

 

I finally turned around and looked back yeah my little man had it all hanging out.

 

2# episode the absolute worst

 

restaurant very nice we are having a lovely dinner and the boys are very well behaved then just out of know were my little boy starts talking for all to here

 

I've got a penis

(not the best thing to say but not to bad I don't think anyone heard him)

 

 

louder (brother name) got a penis

(the tables around us heard and a few laughs)

 

 

really loud Daddy gotA a big o penis

(OMG half the restaurant laughing I pick him up and fixing to walk out with him before he says anything else )

 

yes while walking between table for the finish of the most embarrassing child

 

 

Momma only got a hole:blush:

 

The restaurant got an anatomy lesson from my 4 yo

 

OMgoodness...if my ds had been there (also 4), he'd have likely joined your son's conversation with this comment, which luckily was only to me: "Girls like the belly. The penis, not so much. And, don't stick your penis out of your pants, because that's just freaky." :)

[Rhonda in TX]

My DD was acting up in church once when she was about 3 years old. I finally decided I was going to have to take her out. My plan was to go out to the foyer, sit her down and talk to her about her behavior and what I expected. As soon as I picked her up from the pew and stood up, she started screaming, "Don't spank me! Don't spank me!" Honestly, she hardly ever got spanked, and never at church, so I have no idea where it came from. I was completely mortified!! (Actually, I do know where it came from. She was a drama queen extraordinaire at that age and very strong-willed.)

[Remudamom]

Once I had to take the four littles in to see the doctor. The triplets were about two and next up was a little older than three.

 

There were three armless chairs, lightweight in the examining room and the four kids sat on them together, all sort of crowded in. Doc takes first kid's temp with an ear thermometer. This apparently terrifies the other three who immediately clamped their hands over their ears in a death-type grip and began screaming at the top of their lungs. At this point, the chairs wiggled apart enough for girly triplet to fall between them to the floor, landing on her butt but never removing her hands from her ears and still screaming.

 

Poor doc is new and feeling kinda low at his reception from his new patients, but then it gets worse when one of the older docs knocks on the door and sticks his head in, wanting to know what in the sam hill is going on? The triplets took one look at old doc and ran to him like he was their savior and began climbing up his legs like he was a tree. Old doc ends up staying and helping examine the babies, new doc feels like a criminal and what was I doing? Laughing my butt off in the corner and being no help whatsoever.

 

Old doc walks me and the four miscreants out to the parking lot and helps me load them up. All the way home one of the boys keeps repeating "my lellow doc ta. my lellow doc ta." which translated means "My yellow doctor." His eyes were glazed over and I began to wonder if he was in some sort of shock.

 

We still see "new doc". I've never mentioned it to him, but he has ten kids and hopefully understood.

[CAMom]

 

2# episode the absolute worst

 

restaurant very nice we are having a lovely dinner and the boys are very well behaved then just out of know were my little boy starts talking for all to here

 

I've got a penis

(not the best thing to say but not to bad I don't think anyone heard him)

 

 

louder (brother name) got a penis

(the tables around us heard and a few laughs)

 

 

really loud Daddy got a big o penis

(OMG half the restaurant laughing I pick him up and fixing to walk out with him before he says anything else )

 

yes while walking between table for the finish of the most embarrassing child

 

 

Momma only got a hole:blush:

 

The restaurant got an anatomy lesson from my 4 yo

 

:lol::lol:

 

I'll have to share this with my dh so he knows he's not alone.

 

We were at a shopping center one day. I took ds (who was about 5 at the time) to Party City and dh took dd (who was 2) to Home Depot. We meet back up and dh's face is purple with embarrassment. Apparently, with all to hear dd had said,

 

"Daddy, I have a vagina and you have a great, big penis!!"

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

This was in the day when she still took a bath with her brother. My theory is that she knew everything on Daddy was bigger so she figured that must be, too.;)

 

Of course this was payback since he thought it was hilarious when the same child said really loud in church one day, "Peeeeewwwww! Mommy, did you fart??":glare:

[CourtneyChn]

The biggest one was when kiddo was 3. There was a bathroom in a restaurant that had one of those taps you could turn on a little and it would go BANG BANG BANG. My son thought it was hilarious, but he thought the noise was coming out of the open drain.

 

FYI, he called "the women's room" "the woman's".

 

So, we leave, and he has to share the joy, and runs ahead of me to a pack of teenaged boys, points back at me, and shouts "There is a funny noise coming out of that woman's hole". I kept right on going and ate some where else. All the boys just froze, and looked as I went by, snatching kiddo as I passed.

 

 

Hilarious!!! :lol:

 

I have one from today. Both my girls go to speech at the local public school. They were playing bingo when the 5yo farted really loudly. She then stands up, points to her butt and says, "That was a bingo for sure!!"

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

My then 3yo in the doctor's waiting room: "Look, Mama, here come some old people!" :blink::blushing: (And they were under 60.) He went through a phase where he said that at least once every time we went out in public, so we stopped going out as much.

 

Another time I was out with ds now 4 yo and he didn't want to wait in line. So first he said "Let's sneak past the people, Mom!" When I reminded him we had to wait our turn, he then said "Let's bump them and run away!" (No idea where he got that.) He used to have trouble with people understanding what he was saying, but everyone in the long line understood that!

Edited April 25, 2011 by theYoungerMrsWarde

[twoforjoy]

The clearest example I can think of is when we were sitting in a doctor's office waiting room, and my son wanted to play "I Spy." He was probably four or so at the time. It was going well until he said, "I spy something VERY OLD!" Yes, it was a person he was talking about, and talking about loudly enough that everybody heard.

[idnib]

She then stands up, points to her butt and says, "That was a bingo for sure!!"

 

Yes, yes it was. :lol: