ChandlerMom Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 A long way off for us, but wondering what your thoughts/rules on when your kids can date (one-on-one type dates). What do you think the purpose of dating is? Just having fun? Finding a spouse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 We let our kids start at 16. One on one, meaning they were here in the house. Or we would drive them to the mall or movies. That is basically what they would do. Or hang out here with a bunch of friends. The purpose? Well I met my husband when I was 15 years old. That was in 1983. He was the only one I had ever dated. So it can happen:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I have 3 daughters, so I'll vote - NEVER! :tongue_smilie: I think I voted 15-16, altho it depends on the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I have 3 daughters, so I'll vote - NEVER! :tongue_smilie: I think I voted 15-16, altho it depends on the situation. Ha! I thought about adding an "over my dead body" option, but decided against it. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K&Rs Mom Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 It's a long way off here too, but 8yo's friends are already talking about having a "boyfriend" and our close friends' 10yo dd has already been "asked out" by boys. In our opinion, dating is a way to get to know someone to see if you might like to someday marry them - doesn't have to be a quick/direct road there, but that's the underlying purpose. I think hanging out with friends (of either gender) is a different story, regardless of the number of them who are there, whether it's one-on-one or a group event; it only becomes "dating" when you are starting to consider them in a different light, and then would act differently toward them. Did that make any sense? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I'm not voting because I don't have a specific age in mind. I do see dating as a fun way to discover what types of people you are and are not willing to live with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Ha! I thought about adding an "over my dead body" option, but decided against it. :D :lol: That would've been my pick! I voted 15/16. My DDs are still little, but 7 yo DD already has her first crush with the boy across the street (awww!) so it might be time to have a small chat about boys and girls and all that whatnot... :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Where is the option for 30? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 LOL you just opened up a big can of worms. LOL Threads on this topic usually take on a life of their own. We don't assign arbitrary rules to anything in our home. Ds16 had a girlfriend at 15-16 who he was allowed to be in public alone with. I know kids sneak off to privacy, but we didn't have any warning signs of them doing this. They went to college together, so it would seem a bit silly to limit their ability to see each other off campus. They broke up this winter and ds has decided he doesn't want to date any time soon. For dd12, I would discourage and girlfriend/boyfriend talk right now, because she is still very innocent/immature in this way. We would probably discourage it until she is 14+. Dating, would be not allowed until 15-16, but not really encouraged at that age either, and it would be dependent on her maturity and the boys maturity at that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Who needs to date? I'm going to arrange their marriages for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Having a 15 and a 17 yo , I say 25. At least till college is done. I would love to see them finish school before mucking it all up w/boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I chose 15 to 16 but I really mean closer to 16 or 17 (no option for that one! :tongue_smilie:). I don't even want to think about it right now. She is only 13 and has no interest in boys and I am hoping this will hold out until.. oh... 20 something at least! :) Still, I will cross this bridge when I get to it. I ain't even borrowing this trouble! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 i said 17 or 18. i'm not sure if that's my honest opinion or a knee-jerk reaction. 15 seems too close & 18 sounds nice and far from now. i don't know that i honestly have an age in mind, it is something that will just need to play out & we can address it as it comes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I said when they're ready to get married. So far, the kids agree :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Sometime after Wolf dies. Or when they figure out how to pick the lock on the room he'll seal them up in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Who needs to date? I'm going to arrange their marriages for them. LOL! We have friends who have three boys. We are getting ready to write up three marriage contracts. ;) In all seriousness, we don't really have any rules about dating. I guess we will take it on a case by case basis. As for the purpose? To learn about the opposite sex, and eventually, to find a spouse. I met my husband when I was 15. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Dh always jokes that dd will be able to date AFTER she's married! LOL I voted 15/16. Ds was 15. He waited until the girl he was interested in turned 16 and had her parents permission. Dd is allowed to date at this point. I told her it would be with some restrictions. We would probably allow the boy to come here to our home. Possibly go somewhere public if we were comfortable with the activity. Currently she isn't interested in having a boyfriend. Whooo! Thank goodness. One less thing to deal with right now. We generally take dating someone seriously. Have encouraged our kids to do the same and not to just date randomonly with the idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend because it's a fun thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Where is the option for 30? :lol: Who needs to date? I'm going to arrange their marriages for them. :lol: Although I voted for 17-18, it really depends on the dc, the person they would want to date, and how the dating is going to be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxMama Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 18. We survived. I don't regret having them wait and even more importantly....they don't regret waiting. In fact my oldest dd does not date at age 19 by choice. They did have ample opportunity to have contact with people of the opposite sex. They went to dances . They went to Prom. They hung out at the mall. The difference was....I or my designated adult was somewhere present. Usually it was a group of adults hanging out together and a group of kids hanging out together. They didn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend and they were not allowed to get into a car and drive off with friends. It really was no big deal. I had a recent conversation with my oldest dd about this since dating age was a topic of conversation among FB friends. She stated that dating at 16 is about status. The people who were dating were "cool" and the people who weren't dating were not. She stated that among her friends who were allowed to date ( some quite young) , they don't seem to know that it's OK not to have a boyfriend. Their young adult life is focused on "getting a man and keeping a man and any man will do". Her words not mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 The purpose of dating is to discover a mate. When you're ready to marry and all the responsibilities that come with marriage then you're ready to go dating. I'm sure that that's different ages for each child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 The purpose of dating is to discover a mate. When you're ready to marry and all the responsibilities that come with marriage then you're ready to go dating. I'm sure that that's different ages for each child. :iagree: Job, license, car, skills to take care of offspring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I voted 15/16. Although, I'm just not sure, and we'll have to take it on a case by case basis. I mean, I think of the prospects for dd as we speak and I'm not allowing any alone time at. all. Possibly ever :tongue_smilie: . And I can't tell if I'll feel that way about everyone or if my judgement is spot on. (Thankfully she's not interested in anyone right now and ds hasn't a clue, he's so far from that part of life still) I really like the idea of group "dates" - where several friends of both sexes hang out together; there are other eyes and ears and the focus is on the group rather than just one individual. I think I'll encourage that route and keep my fingers crossed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilymax Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 The purpose of dating is to discover a mate. When you're ready to marry and all the responsibilities that come with marriage then you're ready to go dating. I'm sure that that's different ages for each child. This is what I feel. Though the way it may actually play out might differ. I was allowed to date at 16 and really, was not mature enough for it. Of course I thought I was, but I wasn't. Did a lot of stupid things. I like the comments about arranged marriages. My friend's 11 y.o. DD would make a fabulous wife for my oldest son! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I tell my children they can date in 10th grade if dh and I think they are mature enough. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I voted 15/16, although I have plenty of time to change my mind before then. On the other hand, the only guy DD seems to have noticed (aside from DH) is David Tennant, and DS is constantly saying that he's going to marry me, so we don't have much to worry about in any event.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K&Rs Mom Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 they don't seem to know that it's OK not to have a boyfriend. This is what worries me, at any age. People (strangers and relatives both) start asking "do you have a boyfriend" when girls are 4-5yo. I guess they think it's funny. :confused: No wonder girls are convinced they're supposed to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I voted '15 or 16'. We don't have a problem with dating, and don't consider the only purpose of dating to be finding a spouse. We would allow group 'dates' at 14 or 15, and 'one on one' dates at 15 or 16. It will depend upon the maturity of the child involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Our rule is 16. So far with our son there hasn't been a lot of dating. I can see things being different with my dd who is 15 right now. We will encourage group dating for the first year or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Not before High School age at a minimum and after that there are gradual steps. I CAN'T stand the middle school dating debacle and the crap that goes along with it. I would prefer 17-18 but I have less influence with my older 2 as they are in PS. Now the others will not attend so I think that dating will come later thankfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) Hubby and I prefer over 18yo for our daughter, but if a friendship (ONLY) develops before that point, I'm sure we'd be open to negotiation. For our son, when he has a solid job with a decent future. I imagine that will put him over the age of 18yo. I would strongly discourage my daughter from dating a guy who isn't mature enough to have a solid job or be actively pursuing an education with a career in mind. There are too many 25yo video-game-playing over-grown boys out there. I don't really see a need for dating before you reach adulthood anyway. By 18yo, hopefully my children will be responsible mature adults. If not, they definitely don't need to be dating anyone. Ha, the above sounds a bit sexist. I didn't mention my daughter having a job and being independent only because she was practically born that way. :-D Edited April 4, 2011 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I don't really have a set age in mind, but I guess probably somewhere between 16 and 18. It will really depend on the kid, and the person the kid wants to date, and why, too. I have mixed feelings about kids getting serious at very young ages, like 14 or 15. On the one hand, I met DH at 14, and it was serious very quickly, and so we did avoid a lot of the typical teenage heartbreak that can accompany serial dating. Also, we really did form our ideas about adulthood, marriage, children, etc. together, so we've generally been on the same page about that sort of thing, which has avoided a lot of frustrations that I know other couples encounter. Otoh, being serious when you have years before you can actually get married and start a life together has its own heartaches and difficulties. I really see dating as a chance to spend time getting to know someone before committing to a life together. I do not think it should ever be taken lightly, and I don't want my kids dating anyone that they really can't see themselves marrying. If you're not the right person for forever, you're not the right person for an evening, in my personal opinion. I guess I'd really prefer them to go on dates when they're old enough to think seriously about marriage, and I'd prefer that they date very few people (ideally, one, but that doesn't always happen). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I really like the idea of group "dates" - where several friends of both sexes hang out together; there are other eyes and ears and the focus is on the group rather than just one individual. I think I'll encourage that route and keep my fingers crossed. :iagree: I had these kind of dates, as well as 1 on1 type. I'd much rather my DC "date" in groups. We are a ways from this, but that is my opinion right now. I also like the idea of courting over dating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I said 17 or 18 because I have a 15 year old and a 16 year old. I don't think they are ready, and maybe they agree because they have never asked to be allowed to date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I chose 15 to 16 but I really mean closer to 16 or 17 (no option for that one! ). This. I'm not going to hammer them for having a "boyfriend" younger with calling and such. We might implement some sort of group activities, with parents activities, etc... at a younger age. But actual "dating" will be 16-17-ish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 16 is the age here. It is getting a little harder to think about it the closer it gets. Only 8 months left before ds will be 16...I'd like to push it back a bit more. I am not ready for them to grow up. LOL We have allowed ds to have a girl to our home in the last couple months but it is well-supervised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Interesting conversation! I think generally 16 or 17, depending on maturity and other factors. It's funny that my son and I were just talking about this subject this morning (he's 14 and a mild Aspie). He said that the other boys in his small group at church decided he's "weird" because he's not very interested in girls. He says he thinks it's silly to start so young, when you're not likely to stay together long and get married. I told him that's a good point. I went on to point out that in his large group of friends (boys and girls, ages 13-18), he's getting a lot of opportunities to be friends with girls, which is an important part of a dating or married relationship. We've talked before about how, when he does start dating, it's best to start out on group dates, where you have that "someone special", but you're still with your friends. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I voted '15 or 16'. We don't have a problem with dating, and don't consider the only purpose of dating to be finding a spouse. We would allow group 'dates' at 14 or 15, and 'one on one' dates at 15 or 16. It will depend upon the maturity of the child involved. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 People (strangers and relatives both) start asking "do you have a boyfriend" when girls are 4-5yo. I guess they think it's funny. :confused: No wonder girls are convinced they're supposed to! That really burns me. I agree - what are girls supposed to think? Grrr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 If Mary can be engaged, birth and mother a Savior at 14-15, I think I can "allow" dating around the same ages. I'd rather my kids wait until older ages for *marriage*, and I think it is unnatural and icky to expect them to wait that many years before developing romantic relationships. For me, my kids can "date", with appropriate for the age adult involvement, at the ages they want to. My son (16 today :D) has had a few girlfriends. This has mostly consisted of texting, talking at school, facebook, and a few movies with adults in the same theater. He did accompany his girlfriend last year to her yearly bone marrow test (her Mom was also there). My dd is 14. She's had one quick crush. She does not wish to date. She thinks it's "stupid to date at my age". My youngest, 12, is the most.......sexual I guess of the 3. He's had several heady infatuations. He's been "around" girls he's liked. He's never been on a formal dating, but he calls it "dating" when he and a girl decide they like each other "only". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 A long way off for us, but wondering what your thoughts/rules on when your kids can date (one-on-one type dates). What do you think the purpose of dating is? Just having fun? Finding a spouse? I voted 15/16, but it kind of makes me sick to think of it... :ack2: My daughter is 13, and definitely noticing boys. She's already asking when she can date! Her Daddy has a renewed interested in Catholicism.....nuns.....:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Traditional Jews wait until they are ready to look for a spouse before dating, usually around age 20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 If Mary can be engaged, birth and mother a Savior at 14-15, I think I can "allow" dating around the same ages. we don't know that at all. I'd rather my kids wait until older ages for *marriage*, and I think it is unnatural and icky to expect them to wait that many years before developing romantic relationships. huh. i find the reverse to be unnatural and icky. -------------------- I voted "when they are ready to get married" for many of the reasons already stated. my oldest is 16 and doesn't date, per house rules [above]. He has plenty of group activities w/ members of the opposite sex, but doesn't feel the pressure of the dating scene yet. I really appreciate the ability to mitigate the negative BoyGirl social crap as homeschoolers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGin Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 A long way off for us, but wondering what your thoughts/rules on when your kids can date (one-on-one type dates). What do you think the purpose of dating is? Just having fun? Finding a spouse? In our family we believe that dating is for the purpose of finding a mate and is an adult behavior. In other words we encourage them to wait until they are ready to be married and mature enough to set good boundaries and to appreciate and seek accountability and wise counsel in the process. We recognize that after age 18 they can each choose, and we really have tried to make this more about looking forward to something, rather than not being allowed to have it now. We encourage and support all kinds of group social time which helps them build and maintain healthy friendships with both genders and we do a LOT of talking about all of this and have since a very young age. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxMama Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 In our family we believe that dating is for the purpose of finding a mate and is an adult behavior. In other words we encourage them to wait until they are ready to be married and mature enough to set good boundaries and to appreciate and seek accountability and wise counsel in the process. We recognize that after age 18 they can each choose, and we really have tried to make this more about looking forward to something, rather than not being allowed to have it now. We encourage and support all kinds of group social time which helps them build and maintain healthy friendships with both genders and we do a LOT of talking about all of this and have since a very young age. :) :iagree: You explained this so much better than I did! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I think it depends on more factors than just age. So, I'm not voting, but somewhere in my mind, I'm thinking that one-on-one dates could maybe start between 16 and 18, depending on their maturity level. But, since I have boys, that might never happen! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I voted "when they are ready to get married" for many of the reasons already stated. my oldest is 16 and doesn't date, per house rules [above]. He has plenty of group activities w/ members of the opposite sex, but doesn't feel the pressure of the dating scene yet. I really appreciate the ability to mitigate the negative BoyGirl social crap as homeschoolers. Me too. Dd doesn't see any point in "dating" right now (she isn't ready to get married, so what would the point be? her thoughts), most of her ps friends have bfs at present and if they don't right now then they already have. Dd is the only one that hasn't had a pre-teen romance. She's so happy to be out of the social pressure and at home :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 (one-on-one type dates). After they are married. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I think dating is an essential part of being a teenager. I definitely did not date to find a husband. I have no problem with my children having a boyfriend/girlfriend as early as age 14 but I don't allow one-on-one private time until they are 16. I'd rather see my children date and learn what relationships are all about before rushing into marriage. I sure wish I had waited for marriage rather than marrying at age 19. I don't want my children making the same mistake I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 If Mary can be engaged, birth and mother a Savior at 14-15, I think I can "allow" dating around the same ages. I'd rather my kids wait until older ages for *marriage*, and I think it is unnatural and icky to expect them to wait that many years before developing romantic relationships. For me, my kids can "date", with appropriate for the age adult involvement, at the ages they want to. My son (16 today :D) has had a few girlfriends. This has mostly consisted of texting, talking at school, facebook, and a few movies with adults in the same theater. He did accompany his girlfriend last year to her yearly bone marrow test (her Mom was also there). My dd is 14. She's had one quick crush. She does not wish to date. She thinks it's "stupid to date at my age". My youngest, 12, is the most.......sexual I guess of the 3. He's had several heady infatuations. He's been "around" girls he's liked. He's never been on a formal dating, but he calls it "dating" when he and a girl decide they like each other "only". Thanks for sharing Joanne. I like the bolded points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I really like the idea of group "dates" - where several friends of both sexes hang out together; there are other eyes and ears and the focus is on the group rather than just one individual. I think I'll encourage that route and keep my fingers crossed. This to all who like group dates. They are not all as innocent as it appears, since doing certain things in groups has become a lot more acceptable. Even when I went to high school french kissing at a party or in a group was very acceptable (between two people, although in a very few places that was different, too), and things have changed a lot in the past 30+ years so that there is a lot more s*x going on in groups (at least there was in the 1990s that I know about.) One thing I think is that we have to be careful not to assume that our dc are going to be just like us. My parents did, and we were less trustworthy in certain areas, but one of my high school friends (with whom I once cut classes, tried pot with [but didn't like it] etc) has 2 grown kids who didn't get into any trouble like that at all, and weren't interested (and she had a more open relationship with then then she'd had with her parents.) OTOH, some dc will be just like we were, for good:001_smile: or bad :glare:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.