Am I a bad parent for not having pets?

[lynn]

I let dd visit the puppies at the adoption event today and they lady trying to get the puppies adopted asked us what we were looking for. I informed her that I am not an animal person. DS allergic to cats and have had bad experiences with dogs. (when I was a child a dog jumped the fence, chased me down and bit me. I was just riding my bike past his yard. The other thing was my mom had a dog that would pee on the floor and if you weren't careful int eh morning.....:001_huh:. I was visiting a friend and her puked on the steps....double:001_huh:) Add I don't like to hold animals, that we do like travel and go away quite a bit, I don't want to have nag the kids of walking, watering, feeding a pet. No, I do not want a pet. Now dd got in no ones way. She'd pet the puppies then back away when someone approached. The lady say "We have people that want to adopt so if you don't mind". Okay I get the point lady. DD finished looking at the puppies and we left. Am I a bad parent for not wanting pets in my home?

Edited March 19, 2011 by lynn

[dangermom]

I hope not, because I don't want pets either! I have more than enough on my plate already.

 

Right now we have temporary pets--we're got baby chicks (now pullets) in a box in the living room. They're fun and the girls love them, but I am really looking forward to being done. One fun thing is that when my oldest said she didn't want to clean the water out again, a reminded her of all the times when she has begged for a dog/pet and promised to do every single thing... :lol:

[HelenNotOfTroy]

There is nothing wrong with not having pets You found a way to allow your child to interact with animals without having one. Sounds good to me. I used to visit the pet adoption people near me and they never had a problem with the fact that I wasn't going to take another one home with me.

[Jeannie in NJ]

no you are not . The mom is almost always the one that ends up taking care of the pet. One thing you might want to do is have your dd vist the local humane shelter (make sure it is a no-kill one so you won't feel bad about not adopting one). Anyway, our local shelter loves for people of all ages to visit just give the animals some attention with no pressure about adopting one. They even have kids "sponser" a cat or dog, this is considered the main animal that that child gives special attention to.

[Barb_]

No, you just know your limitations. I'm a cat person, but find dogs entirely too much work for the emotional payoff. Children are tough enough and they're eventually able to care for themselves. :D

 

The rescue lady could have been a more pleasant. Animals in public places draw attention, particularly from children. If that's a problem, she should come up with a different strategy.

[gardening momma]

Not at all.

 

I grew up with cats and have always liked them, so dh and I got 2 cats a year after we married. We're down to one now, and she's a sweetie, but I'm looking forward to the day when we're pet-free. The dust, cat hair, smell, etc... Plus there's having to find someone to check on her when we want to go away for a few days.

 

ETA: in hindsight, we would not have gotten cats at all. Maybe a fish, with automatic feeders & cleaners and stuff in the tank :-)

Edited March 19, 2011 by gardening momma

[duckens]

As a pet owner (3 cats) and lover, you are not a bad mother at all for not wanting pets.

 

You found a way to allow your child to interact with animals without having one.

:iagree:If anything, you are an exceptional mother because of your above actions (in spite of your own personal experiences).

 

You are also modeling to your children the seriousness of

"when you adopt a pet, it's for life" and how to set healthy boundaries of what one is willing to commit to.

 

Am I a bad mother for not getting my 4yo a pet spider?:tongue_smilie:

[ChristusG]

No....you're not a bad mom. If you don't like animals then there's no reason to own any. You'll just resent having to care for it.

 

That being said, children DO just have a natural attraction to animals....so I would try to provide a lot of opportunities for that curiosity. Things like petting zoos, visiting the animal shelter (possibly even volunteering once in a while), etc.

[delaney]

I don't think so! We have goldfish-HUGE goldfish. I hate dogs. I know that sounds odd but I really find them disgusting on all levels but mostly the licking of the face after they lick their butts thing:D. I do like cats but DD is allergic and DH HATES animal hair.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Isn't your real question: Are you a bad parent for letting your dd pet puppies that you had no intention of adopting? No, since as you said, she got out of the way of anyone else interested in them. Your attitude of being willing to let your dd pet the dogs might be nurturing a future dog lover. The ladies' attitude of trying to hinder that could have put a damper on her interest (though it sounds like your dd didn't react to her).

[Ester Maria]

No pets here either. It's totally unrelated to whether or not you're a good parent - many people just don't want / can't have pets and their kids are fine. It's not that you're preventing them from having something essential.

[bettyandbob]

No. Pets are work and a responsibility and unless you are willing to take that on don't.

 

Absolutely find ways for your dd get animal interaction. My dd is a member of a 4H group that shows the local park authority's animals. Petting zoos and animal shelters are other sources of interaction. With my assistance, dd started a pet sitting business at age 9--she visited a neighbor's home twice a day to care for furry caged animals for a week or more at a time. Her business has expanded to dog walking other neighbors' dogs.

 

Could you have had a tone in your voice that made the rescue person react bluntly with you? For years, when we saw rescue events I told people we were "looking for now" or "thinking about it". The other thing is yes rescue events are in public places, but they are there for a purpose--to get the attention of would be adopters. It is important to be mindful of that purpose. The whole point is to help the animal find a forever home not to entertain just anybody for a few minutes at a time. As long as you are respectful of that, it's ok to look at the dogs at these events. When your dd is older she may be able to volunteer for a rescue organization, setting up and caring for the animals during the adoption events.

[Mommy22alyns]

We're no-pets too, much to Becca's chagrin. 3/4 of us are allergic to pet hair, and we're in a small living space - just not happening.

[weaver_67579]

and I am proud of you for sticking to your guns. Pets are huge responsibility for the life of the pet and if you don't want one-then not having one is not only better for you-but is better for the animals. They don't need a home where they are not really wanted. Too many end up in shelters... because someone gets them without really wanting them and without being committed to their lifelong care

 

now if kiddo(s) are really into pets-maybe they can satisfy their love by volunteering for a shelter or rescue group-doing some good, but not having them at home. Of course this is age appropriate timing considered.

 

OTOH, I don't know if I could be happy without a herd of them.

[Tree House Academy]

I am an animal lover to the point where dh calls me "Elly May" as in...Clampett. But I do not think loving or not loving animals has anything to do with your mothering abilities.

 

That said, I hate to hear anyone say that they have had a bad experience with an animal that scarred them for life. There are GREAT dogs (and cats) out there. I have 3 cats right now - one of them is 14 and we lost our sweet 13 year old Sissy kitty back in July to cancer. My dog is a cocker spaniel and, meh, he has some issues that make him not my favorite dog ever...but we love him in spite of his issues. :) I also have 2 rabbits in the house and two outside in addition to our 7 ducks and 30 odd chickens. Today, I had to stop myself from buying two little birds to go with my menegerie. LOL

 

You and I may be opposites on animals, but that makes you no less (or more) of a mom. Children are NOT animals. Well, not always...(mine sometimes resemble monkeys...) :tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

We have a cat (Wolf's) and a small pony that someone told us was a dog. :lol:

 

I'm not a cat person. Like them ok, but kitty litter makes me gack.

[mom4him]

We have 3 dogs and 2 birds. I love each and every one of them most of the time.:001_smile:

All families are not pet families. We do not travel and we are home all day almost every day. Pets are dirty, take daily care and attention and can be expensive. I have to admit there are times I wish we were pet free(It only lasts for a few minutes.)

If your family is in agreement that you are going to be a petless family it really shouldn't be anyone else's business. Whether you have a pet or not doesn't make you a good mom nor a bad one.:D

[tammyw]

I totally hear you. My husband and I grew up with cats and even had them when our kids were really, really young. Now that they are gone and we've been pet free for quite a few years, it's been really nice. But our kids (8 and 5) are BEGGING for a pet, and I admit, I would love that for them. But I hate the mess, I hate the maintenance, and I hate the lack of freedom. So after much research, we've decided when we move to a more permanent home (we are renting at the moment, and our landlord doesn't allow pets), we will buy a sphynx cat. They are hairless (some think ugly but we've seen them at the breeder and they are actually really cute, very smart, and affectionate). This eliminates the hair all over the house (my biggest pet peeve). Yes, we'll still have litter, but I think we can live with that. But honestly, I don't know of any other pet that I would be happy with because dogs are a lot more work than I'm willing to put out, and since your son is allergic to cats, you don't have nearly as much flexibility.

 

I think that woman was incredibly rude to your family, just because you weren't pet shopping. Maybe you would have recommended a friend to come and adopt a pet.

[nono]

Am I a bad parent for not wanting pets in my home?

 

In a word: No!

 

I love dogs. My life is not complete without dogs. But even after my last one died, I lived 2 years without one, because my children were my first priority, and frankly, the whole change at 40 to motherhood was just overwhelming. When I had a handle on the mother thing (relatively :lol:), we got a new dog because I need the dog. Yeah, everyone else loves her, but I do the work.

 

People (such as my dh) can grow up without dogs, and love them dearly. When he was an adult, he picked a woman who loved and had dogs. Your children can do similarly! ;)

[Mom0012]

My dd would love to have a dog and often even tries to guilt me about the fact that we do not have one. But, my son is severely allergic, so it's just out of the question. Even if there weren't the allergies to consider, I have no desire to have a dog myself and I honestly believe my daughter would not take care of it or even remain interested in it past the initial novelty stage.

 

So, no, I don't think you're a bad parent. Just realistic.

 

Lisa

[sleepymommy]

I hope not because I don't want any pets either. I love dogs, I grew up with them but I don't have the energy or desire to have to take care of one.

 

Ds6 has been literally BEGGING for a dog since he was 3yrs old and still not one day goes by without him telling me how badly he wants one. But I just can't do it.

 

As it is we move around a lot and are renters, I have to cook all meals and most snacks from scratch due to food allergies, ds6 has SPD and possible ADD, no family to help out, no babysitters, and dh work hours are long and unpredictable. I cannot add a dog into this mix.

 

That said, I will consider it in the future when the boys are older and can be mostly responsible for a dog and hopefully we will have settled down somewhere for the long haul.

 

You do what you got to do.

[T'smom]

No, you're a great parent because you know your limitations and are sticking to them.

 

Kids do not NEED pets.

[mom2bee]

a very sensible parent and responsible pet owner. What good would adopting an animal do if you were only going to neglect/abondon it in a few weeks time? Its easier and less hectic to just make a donation to the organization, no?

 

That volunteer was lousy and irresponsible to make you feel like you're wrong...

[nmoira]

No worse a parent than I am for not allowing a dog despite the fact that we have cats, frogs, and fish. :tongue_smilie: We would not be good dog owners. Period. This makes the girls terribly sad at times, but that doesn't change the fact that we shouldn't have one.

[jujsky]

I don't think you're a bad mother, but honestly, I DO feel your kids are missing out. My mother wouldn't let me have pets either. I went so far the other way once I had my own place, that it's nuts! We have 2 large dogs, 3 cats, fish, and we used to have a bunny, but it died several years ago. Honestly, now we have too many pets. I probably would have been a one dog, one-two cats person if I had had the pet experience growing up, but I didn't & now I have the responsibility of all these animals until they die. I love them all -- I do -- but there's too many of them. I'll keep them, love them, and care for them because that's the commitment I took on, but after this we'll have no more than one dog and two cats at a time. And yes -- pets are a huge time and monetary commitment, but the love they give you in exchange outweighs all of it.

 

I can't tell you the amount of nights I literally cried myself to sleep as a child for want of a pet. It was my heart's desire and I DO truly feel I missed out on some vital part of childhood because of it. Just one cat or one dog as a child would have been enough. My cousin feels the same way. She had her heart set on a dog and her mother never let her have one. Now she's in college, has an apartment, and is adopting a chihuahua Tuesday -- something she probably would have waited to do if she had had the dog experience as a child. She really feels that she missed out by not having a dog growing up, and is tired of waiting for one.

[Audrey]

I let dd visit the puppies at the adoption event today and they lady trying to get the puppies adopted asked us what we were looking for. I informed her that I am not an animal person. DS allergic to cats and have had bad experiences with dogs. (when I was a child a dog jumped the fence, chased me down and bit me. I was just riding my bike past his yard. The other thing was my mom had a dog that would pee on the floor and if you weren't careful int eh morning.....:001_huh:. I was visiting a friend and her puked on the steps....double:001_huh:) Add I don't like to hold animals, that we do like travel and go away quite a bit, I don't want to have nag the kids of walking, watering, feeding a pet. No, I do not want a pet. Now dd got in no ones way. She'd pet the puppies then back away when someone approached. The lady say "We have people that want to adopt so if you don't mind". Okay I get the point lady. DD finished looking at the puppies and we left. Am I a bad parent for not wanting pets in my home?

 

 

Are you asking because you got a negative reaction from the lady with the puppies, or are you having a guilt trip from your dd, or... ?? :confused:

 

Regarding the response of lady with the puppies... animal people sometimes get a "vibe" off of non-animal people that really puts them off. Maybe she got that vibe from you when you told her you weren't an animal person.

 

As far as if it makes you a bad parent... well, I can't imagine a child not having a pet, but YMMV obviously. I suppose you don't really miss what you never had, and if your kids really want pets that bad, they'll have them when they're grown and on their own. I've never equated pet ownership with parenting skills, though.

[katemary63]

I but honestly, I DO feel your kids are missing out. .....

 

I can't tell you the amount of nights I literally cried myself to sleep as a child for want of a pet. It was my heart's desire and I DO truly feel I missed out on some vital part of childhood because of it.

 

:iagree: I do not blame anyone for not wanting pets. I do not think you are wrong. But I do want to say something to the moms who don't like pets or think pets are not worth the effort. Some kids/ people are simply born loving animals. You may not have been. But what if your child was? It may not be transient. It may not be something they will grow out of. A pet can be so very, very important to some kids. And I don't think, as a non-pet loving person, you can really understand the depths of how important. I would have been lost as a kid without my animals. They were everything to me. My parents saw the light and gave up trying to say no. For me the effort, mess and complications were well worth it. If my parents had not allowed me to have a pet....well...um...I honestly think I would have become depressed or something.

 

In addition, I can not stress to you how, over time, a pet can help bond a family together. Just two nights ago, my DH and I and three of our children sat and reminisced about a few of our favorite dogs. We got out the pictures and told some of the funny stories. The one about when Indy was a puppy and he got into the pantry and dragged a bag of flour all over the kitchen. I've got a picture of his face covered in white. Or the way that Indy, the bullmastiff, curled up like a donut to sleep and Sonny, the toy poodle, climbed up and slept inside his "donut hole." Or the time that Indy and Bear scared the pants off the meter reader because he scared the pants off of mom - they were protecting me. We talked like this over an hour, sharing our stories with my son's fiance. We were all in or near tears by the end, remembering our beloveds. It was a sweet time and during the telling, we were reminded of our oneness, our us-ness. Sure, there are other ways to bond. But maybe some of you non-pet lovers don't realize how much a pet can contribute to your family dynamics and become a part of the fabric of who you all are. Just thought I'd share. It's worth thinking about with an open mind.

Edited March 20, 2011 by katemary63

[Bird Girl]

I don't think you're a bad parent because you don't want to own a pet. Pets are expensive, and a lot of work. It's perfectly reasonable not to want extra poop to scoop and medical bills to pay.

 

I will say that (some) animal rescue people are, how can I say this? Better with animals than with people. And when I worked in animal rescue, I definitely noticed a dogs vs kids attitude with some of them that made them more hostile to kids than your average person. So I'm sorry, on behalf of the animal rescue person that you dealt with, that your DD was sent away. I used to enjoy it when well-behaved kids wanted to interact with our dogs--it made our dogs look sociable and friendly!

[Peela]

It is best that people who don't want pets, don't have pets, don't have pets, and people who do want pets, do have pets.

Pets are work. The rewards are worth it to those of us who love to have animals around us a lot. But they are work.

But if your kids really want a pet I would consider making some sort of compromise in the long run just so they can have the experience, but maybe choose a rabbit or a rat or a snake rather than a cat or a dog.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: And join others who say, people who don't want pets shouldn't get them, and don't feel guilty. You (the mom) will be the one ultimately responsible for the pets care, feeding and vet bills until it dies.

 

Isn't your real question: Are you a bad parent for letting your dd pet puppies that you had no intention of adopting? No, since as you said, she got out of the way of anyone else interested in them. Your attitude of being willing to let your dd pet the dogs might be nurturing a future dog lover. The ladies' attitude of trying to hinder that could have put a damper on her interest (though it sounds like your dd didn't react to her).

[mom31257]

I hope you aren't a bad parent, because we don't have pets. I am in the camp that would LOVE for my kids to have a dog; however, I just don't feel our circumstances allow for it. We live in a neighborhood with leash laws. I will not put a dog on a leash, and we don't have a fenced in backyard nor the $$ to put one up. The house that backs up to ours from the next cul-de-sac has a pitbull on a leash. It doesn't bark much or seem aggressive, but another dog might cause it to do so. There is a partial fence that separates our yards, but I figure that's probably not enough to matter.

 

I don't want one in the house because I have mild allergy issues, but we do travel quite a bit as well. We have no family here, and my dh is a school teacher with about 13 weeks off a year.

[MrsMe]

No I think you're a saner parent. Ha! But on the other hand, I can't possibly live without a dog and I love my cat!

[newbie]

No, a realistic parent. I am going to get my pet fix, by hopefully becoming a pet sitter.

[justamouse]

You're horrible. Terrrible. The meanest, meanie mommy ever.

 

 

:lol::lol:

 

Every time I read your post I say that in my head.

 

No, you're not terrible at all, you just are very well aware of the immense responsibility of owning a pet and you are aware of your limitations. If more people were like you, there'd be less shelter dogs and cats (and birds).

 

 

:grouphug: