Mejane Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 However, you could tell the pediatrician your concerns, and he doesn't have to say anything to you regarding his patient. It would just give him a heads up for the next time she brings the baby in. Good point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom27 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Posted an update in the original post. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Thanks for the replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I'm not a frequent poster, but have been checking in on this thread - have been so concerned about this situation. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. My heart goes out to you, the baby, and the Mom who needs help. Thank you for helping her find help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Posted an update in the original post. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Thanks for the replies. Sounds like a plan. I would keep very brief notes on a day to day calendar. "baby eating well" or "baby distressed" or "mom crying today" or "mom forgot X (something important)" or "mom gave me paper to seek care for baby today" or "baby arrived in very old, dirty diaper" or "mom gave me 15 dollars for formula". You may never need them, but it only takes a minute, and it may help something, somehow down the line. :grouphug: I spent a year when I was 20 stopping by a house of a young single mother every day, often worried, over a similar issue. Child was finally given up to grandparents when she was 7, after mom declined to give me the baby when she was 4, and is a normal, productive mother of 2 now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Gosh, this sounds terrible. The fact that the mom is not at all worried that you are taking her child for awhile tells me a lot. She is definitely suffering from SOMETHING. She is probably overwhelmed with the baby being alone and all...but likely has some major PPD on top of that. I can't imagine giving my BABY to someone I hardly know for an overnight visit. That alone was enough to raise a lot of red flags! Poor child!!! I was 19 when I had my oldest son. He was 5 before he ever spent the night away from me. His dad and I are divorced, so, unfortunately, I don't have a lot of options with that. HOWEVER, my youngest son is 7 and, in his life, has spent about 6 nights away from me (or me away from him). That is just such a BIG DEAL to me. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Lots of prayers for you as you navigate this situation. :grouphug: I only read one or two pages of replies, but I did read the OP and update in the OP. I am *so* grateful there are people like you in this world, who will not look the other way or simply pass off a "problem" to someone else. Getting down into the trenches and taking action and making things happen for this baby is just incredible of you. I hope you get all the support you need!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I am so glad for the update. Doctor's visits for mom and baby with others involved. Good. Good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Wow! You are truly an amazing person for helping this baby girl and her mom. I don't have any further advice, as I'm not really familiar with these kinds of situations, but please do keep us updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 We need more women like you in this world!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Wow. I am thrilled to hear this update. It is the best option for the situation. It's my prayer you enjoy the little one, Mom gets the help she needs and finally is able to transition into motherhood with a healthy baby. You are a special human. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 We need more women like you in this world!! :grouphug: :iagree: I really respect the way you are loving this mom and baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Poor woman...something is definitely wrong to let you just take the baby like that... I had PPD for about a year before I got help...I am so glad I got help... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 :grouphug: Great update - I think you are doing the best thing possible. I really respect and admire you taking the baby in right now, and also getting the mother help. I have chills just reading it. You are taking the harder road, but the better one, IMO. I will pray right now that the mom gets the mental help that she needs, ASAP, and that the baby can get the medical care she needs and they can be reunited. I think taking notes like a previous poster suggested is a great idea. So many people are quick to point a finger (and often it's justified!) but you are going above and beyond. You may be saving a life - or two!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Wonderful update! I hope the mother is able to regain her former self and take her baby back with enthusiasm after a couple months of help getting her head together. Awesome. This is what people are supposed to do for each other. So glad you decided to be the friend she and that baby needs right now.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 You and your sister are awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2J112903 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Thank you for being such a wonderful human being. I wish more people in this world would be such a great person as you are being now. PPD is HARD to get thru, many women, even with treatment, go thru it for YEARS. It may take baby steps for Mom, but I pray that she does whatever it takes to get the help she needs. I stand behind what I said earlier-calling CPS is most likely the worst thing for this Mother right now. You are doing a WONDERFUL service to this Mommy! I wish I had a woman like you near me, you are truly a gift from God to this Mommy. :grouphug: for you and the other Mommy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WistfulRidge Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 What a wonderful update! I was leery of the whole "call cps" solution, but at the same time my brain couldn't come up with anything better. I'm so glad that you did! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missesd Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 You are AWESOME!! If it gets to be too much- esp after surgery, maybe some WTM'ers could pitch in and help?? If someone's offered, pardon me, I haven't read all the pages or replies :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 What a great update! Praying for baby to develop "normally" and not be affected by the lack of bond, and for mom to get better! Bless you for stepping in and doing the right thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 :iagree: :iagree: I really respect the way you are loving this mom and baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidsnbooks8 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Wow!:grouphug::grouphug: to all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Awesome! You and your sister are incredible people! May this be what she needs to get herself and her life back on the sunny side of the street!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 another WOW!!! you guys rock- I'll add a vote for 'take copious amounts of notes' as well as try to find a few other people that you can involve in the situation: more as character witnesses for YOU should anything go south, and possibly as back ups if anything happens TO you or your sister. good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 ^5s to you and your sister! Well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 UPDATE: I've read through some posts and have decided not to call CPS yet. For now mom was more than happy to give me the baby and even gave me money for formula/diapers. She also signed a form allowing me to seek medical care for the baby while I have her. I had a friend years ago that tried to commit suicide while suffering from post-partem depression, so I'm really worried about the mom. My sister knows the mom much better and took her home to sis's house and is taking her to see her physician on Monday. Mom is perfectly okay with all this and even seems relieved that we're completely taking over for now. I made sure the mom knows she's welcome at our house any time and that she can certainly have the baby back whenever she wants. Is there anything else I should be doing right now? I can't have this poor kid indefinitely so I need to get the situation resolved as quickly as I can. And no, mom said there was no one else to call who could help. Thanks Bless you! Bless you! You and your sister are a wonderful pair. I greatly admire you and think what you are doing may make it so that all turns out for this mother and her baby. I could not be happier to hear about the steps you have taken. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 If you can get a doctor to report it for failure to thrive, that will definitely get CPS in there. I just wanted to say that I'm not sure what you meant by this. "Failure to thrive" does not mean "the child isn't thriving because the parents are abusing him." It's a specific medical diagnosis that refers to a baby not growing and meeting milestones for a variety of reasons. A diagnosis of failure to thrive does not send CPS running to your house, because in many cases there is a medical cause, not an environmental one. Anyway, I just thought I should let you know that, since you seem to be a little confused about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 LWB, I think your entire family is amazing. Good on you all!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Have you talked to the Mom about getting counseling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I just wanted to say that I'm not sure what you meant by this. "Failure to thrive" does not mean "the child isn't thriving because the parents are abusing him." It's a specific medical diagnosis that refers to a baby not growing and meeting milestones for a variety of reasons. A diagnosis of failure to thrive does not send CPS running to your house, because in many cases there is a medical cause, not an environmental one. Anyway, I just thought I should let you know that, since you seem to be a little confused about it. Yes, and this baby might well have failure to thrive due to neglect. :( The pediatrician wouldn't know that though unless the mom told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 God bless you for what you are doing! I was in a similar situation many years ago with my 2 godchildren and their mother. She was slipping back into her life of drugs and alcohol after making such tremendous strides forward. The girls (3 and 8 mos.) were dirty, sad, neglected, abused (I feared) by the live-in boyfriend, etc. One night mom called me and asked me to take the girls for the weekend. She sounded high or intoxicated. I immediately picked up the girls, baby was soaked through her diaper, older girl was in a pullup, no clothes, etc. I called the girls' grandmother and we devised a plan to intervene in which I would take the baby and grandmother would take the 3yo until the mom got help...again. Sadly, this wasn't necessary, as my friend overdosed that night and died the next morning. :crying: Anyway, I am rambling. I'm sorry...the situation just brought back memories. So, God bless you and your sister. Praying for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 :grouphug: Thank you for doing what you can for this Mom & her baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicagoshannon Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Seems like you're doing the right thing. Sounds like the mom as PPD and is just over whelmed. Hopefully she'll get on some meds on Monday and things will improve quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Update below in blue. I know a women, not well, who has a 10mo baby girl. She's in her early 40s and has no husband or other family. Before her DD, she was always very energetic and on the go. But she decided she was missing something from her life and set out to have a baby. Fast forward to now and she always seems lethargic and uninterested in everything. She seems especially uninterested in her DD. Her DD is hands down the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, but her mom doesn't seem to care or notice her at all. The baby has also dropped off the bottom of the growth chart. A week ago I tried to casually bring up the baby's lack of growth and her mom just said, "Yeah, the doctor's are worried about it too." That's it. So I asked what she ate and mom said, "Well, I feed babyfood when I think about it, and she's breastfed. Of course I can't just feed her all the time." I was at her home with my 11mo at the time, and over the couple hour visit my DD needed to eat and her baby cried but she just left her sitting in her high chair. In fact, when I went in her house the only sign that a baby lives there at all is the high chair. I changed what seemed to me to be a very overripe, exploding at the seams diaper. I also took her out of the high chair and played with her. She doesn't seem to have reached many physical milestones, but every baby develops so differently. Anyway, I took over the baby while I was there and mom never objected or said anything. She just kept talking about other stuff. Here's when I got really worried. As I was leaving I commented that she should bring her DD over to our house for a play date and mom suggested a sleepover! I was worried enough about the baby getting fed I took her home for the night. I asked mom if that wouldn't interfere with their breastfeeding, but mom said it would be fine. I ended up keeping her for 2 nights. When I brought her home, mom didn't even say hi to her, but took her and put her straight into her high chair. I, my sister and a good friend are going over 5X/day since, to change diapers and make sure the baby is getting fed, and she's always in that d^&* highchair. I really know I need to do something, but I don't know what. I know this mom would never intentionally harm this baby, but I think she may be suffering from PPD and need serious help. I don't even know this woman well enough to try and bring that up. We don't even mind going to take care of the baby, but a baby needs a LOT more interaction than basic care a few times a day. Plus I'm having surgery on Fri and will be completely laid up for a month. Whatever I do needs to be now. So who do I call and what do I do? I don't want to ruin anyone's life or overstep my bounds, but I don't want anything bad to happen to that beautiful baby either. Am I over-reacting? I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. Thanks for any thoughts. Going to go see them now. UPDATE: I've read through some posts and have decided not to call CPS yet. For now mom was more than happy to give me the baby and even gave me money for formula/diapers. She also signed a form allowing me to seek medical care for the baby while I have her. I had a friend years ago that tried to commit suicide while suffering from post-partem depression, so I'm really worried about the mom. My sister knows the mom much better and took her home to sis's house and is taking her to see her physician on Monday. Mom is perfectly okay with all this and even seems relieved that we're completely taking over for now. I made sure the mom knows she's welcome at our house any time and that she can certainly have the baby back whenever she wants. Is there anything else I should be doing right now? I can't have this poor kid indefinitely so I need to get the situation resolved as quickly as I can. And no, mom said there was no one else to call who could help. Thanks It sounds like you've made very caring and loving decisions - both for the baby and the mom. They're both lucky to have both of you helping out. Hopefully soon you'll be able to talk to her about her depression, and help her to seek help. You may want to find an article, one which is supportive of PPD moms, and leave it with her to read. She might actually be relieved to find that she's not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 If you lived near me I would take that baby in a heartbeat. My kids would have her so full of love and interaction! Breaks my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 It sounds like you've made very caring and loving decisions - both for the baby and the mom. They're both lucky to have both of you helping out. Hopefully soon you'll be able to talk to her about her depression' date=' and help her to seek help. You may want to find an article, one which is supportive of PPD moms, and leave it with her to read. She might actually be relieved to find that she's not alone.[/quote']:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Just wanted to chime in and say that you and your sister are awesome. The world needs more people like you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I also want to add how impressed I am with all you and your sister are doing. I am also impressed with your dh. I'm pretty sure no matter how dire of a situation or how much I would want to help that I could convince my dh to take on another child especially a child with baggage. Your entire family is good example of good people. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvtheOzarks Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 I probably would not call CPS. I worked as a CPS worker for several years and my thought is that there isn't enough there for them to do anything. She will know you called them and will no longer allow you in her house, and the baby will now be worse than before. At least now, she is allowing you in the house, you have people going over to help out and care for the baby, and you can see if something comes up that CPS can/will actually do something about. It will also give those of you who are helping her a chance to get to know her well enough to help her find her way to the counseling she desperately needs. I'm sure some will disagree with me and that's ok. It's good to get varied thoughts and ideas before you make your decision. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvtheOzarks Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Read the update--wonderful news! It does sound like PPD. I had it with my 3rd child and began going through it again with my 4th child at the age of 39. I began using a natural progestrone cream 3 months after the birth of my 4th child and it made such a difference that my husband said he'd buy stock in the company. I also found out that if you're low in progesterone, if affects lactation which it did for me. My milk dried up within 5 months after my 3rd child was born and in 2 months with my 4th. I found this out too late, but it wasn't too late to help shorten the PPD. I had the love and support from my immediate and extended family--they showered me with love and loads of help until I was able to function normally again. I commend you and your sister for phyically reaching out to help the baby and mother. I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes. That's true charity in the working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Just wondering if there are any updates after you took the baby? This situation has been in my heart... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kesmom Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I've also been wondering how things have been. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 How sad :( I'm so glad you're taking the baby and not calling CPS. Foster homes aren't always the best option, esp. when they have to keep getting moved around. Friends who know the family and are invested is a much better option than getting the state involved, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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