If you consider yourself the overall "keeper of your home"...

[melissel]

...does your DH have his own responsibilities or pitch in any way? I don't want to go into too much detail in case it comes across as bashing, which it's not. It's just that we're new at this "one at home, one at work" thing, and I'm wondering if my expectations are appropriate or not.

 

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

[Caitilin]

I used to expect that since the things were highly visible in the middle of the living room floor, that dh, being a reasonable being, could see them, would see them, and would do something about them. Apparently one of my premises was faulty...:tongue_smilie:

 

He will do things if asked, and will voluntarily do the dishes and throw in the occasional load of laundry or run the occasional vacuum. But general upkeep? Not so much. :)

[justamouse]

If I have the garbage tied, and he walks past it, he picks it up and brings it to the garage.

 

He leaves his dirty clothes in a pile at the entrance of my walk in closet. He leaves his plates and such on the table when done. He leaves his coffee cups on the counter.

 

He takes meticulous care of the cars, his worst fear being I would be stranded with a car full of children. He takes charge of the dogs when he is home. The pool is his domain( which I let him have, but it was a fight. I love taking care of the pool. I trance out.).

 

I guess I'm trying to say, it balances. He works insane hours. I am in charge of the house.

[Hathersage]

Well, being at home means you'll see the little things way before someone who works outside the home. In my case, my DH prefers I bring his small things he needs to do to his attention.

 

For everyday chores it shouldn't be something you need to being to his attention For example mine folds laundry. I just need to make sure its all ready and waiting for him.

[Corraleno]

...does your DH have his own responsibilities or pitch in any way? I don't want to go into too much detail in case it comes across as bashing, which it's not. It's just that we're new at this "one at home, one at work" thing, and I'm wondering if my expectations are appropriate or not.

 

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: You're kidding, right?

 

DH will step over trash on the floor, sit on top of a pile of clean laundry, and carefully balance a dirty glass on top of a huge mound of dirty dishes overflowing the sink, without it ever occurring to him that he might do something about it. It's not that he considers it my job to do those things, it just never occurs to him that those things should probably be taken care of rather soon.

 

His only routine household job is loading the dishwasher, and I've gotten so tired of waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes that I now pay DS12 to do it. DD7 unloads it in the morning. DH will do chores if I make a list and hand it to him AND if the kids and I are also doing chores at the same time AND if I check on him every half hour or so and suggest that maybe he could read that magazine/watch that TV show/check email after he finishes the list.

 

Does that answer your question? :lol:

 

Jackie

[DawnM]

Dh does more than I do. He doesn't clean or pick up, but he does all the landscape on our 2.5 acres, he has laid all the new flooring, is finishing off our 980 sq. ft. basement, fixes all sorts of things, etc....

 

Dawn

[Audrey]

...does your DH have his own responsibilities or pitch in any way? I don't want to go into too much detail in case it comes across as bashing, which it's not. It's just that we're new at this "one at home, one at work" thing, and I'm wondering if my expectations are appropriate or not.

 

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

 

 

Yes, I consider myself the keeper of the home, but as with everything else in our family, it is a team effort. If you live in it, you help keep it decent. Otherwise, there's a barn you can go live in until the cows get tired of your mess.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

All general cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. is all me. Once-in-a-while dh will pitch in with something, usually only if it's been an especially crazy week with the kids. He is responsible for all repairs, lawn mowing, vehicle maintenance, etc. Basically, I do all of the typical feminine chores and he does all of the masculine chores. He works long hours and wouldn't really have time for any more. He doesn't complain when I haven't kept things up as much as we'd like. That's just the reality of this season of life.

[i.love.lucy]

He will do things if asked, and will voluntarily do the dishes and throw in the occasional load of laundry or run the occasional vacuum. But general upkeep? Not so much. :)

:iagree:Mine washed the dishes recently while I was gone at a training class all day. :svengo:

[Guest Cindie2dds]

Yes, I consider myself the keeper of the home, but as with everything else in our family, it is a team effort. If you live in it, you help keep it decent. Otherwise, there's a barn you can go live in until the cows get tired of your mess.

 

 

:smilielol5:I will have to remember this!

[Perry]

...does your DH have his own responsibilities or pitch in any way?

My dh does the yard work and takes care of the cars. He also does tons of house projects (basement refinish, new kitchen counters, new tile floors in bathroom, paints walls, etc.). I don't expect him to do anything else, because I have plenty of time to cook and clean. He would pitch in if I needed help, but I don't.

[Laurel]

...does your DH have his own responsibilities or pitch in any way? I don't want to go into too much detail in case it comes across as bashing, which it's not. It's just that we're new at this "one at home, one at work" thing, and I'm wondering if my expectations are appropriate or not.

 

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

 

I don't know what your expectations are, but if you expect him to see what needs to be done, then, yes, I think you're expecting too much. When I ask him to do something, then he will usually do it happily, but he would never notice that something needs to be done.

[cjshima]

I take care of the inside and he is in charge of the garage, cars, outside. We're teaching the kids to clean, so that is reducing my workload :001_smile: He willingly helps inside, but has been working alot lately, so I don't want to put that added stress on him right now.

[Daisy]

As with everything in our home, we've informally negotiated spheres of responsibility.

 

For example...

 

I home school the kids. He teaches 30 kids in public school.

I do the inside cleaning. He cleans the garage.

I do the laundry. The entire family helps fold.

I deal with medical insurance. He deals with car, life, and disability insurance.

I cook. He takes care of the pets.

I mend the clothes. He mends the appliances.

I do the weeding & gardening. He does the lawn & heavy lifting (unless of course he's just had major neck surgery).

 

Then there are chores that everyone is expected to do for themselves such as...

 

Put the milk back in the refrigerator after getting a snack.

Put up your own folded clothes.

Don't dump your junk all over the place.

Clean up your personal space (bedroom, dresser top, whatever).

 

So while I expect my husband to dump his beard shavings into the trash, I don't expect him to scrub out the sink. LOL.

[jenL]

I'm in charge of most things since I'm home more, but all I need to do is ask, and he will help. He automatically does the dishes for the most part if he sees the sink/dishwasher full. He does the trash on his own & will often throw in laundry for me or fold the clean clothes that are sitting in the dryer. He bathes and puts the boys to bed for me since by that point, I need a break. He also does all the yard work because he loves yard work.

 

I am very blessed to have the husband I have.

[melissel]

I don't know what your expectations are, but if you expect him to see what needs to be done, then, yes, I think you're expecting too much. When I ask him to do something, then he will usually do it happily, but he would never notice that something needs to be done.

 

Well, I guess I'm thinking more of "general domain" things -- things he used to do when I was working but has since let slip away. For example, setting the house alarm at bedtime. He used to do that before getting into bed. Now he doesn't. Taking out the garbage when it's full (overly so, with a separate bag hanging from the back of a chair)--that doesn't happen anymore. He'll drink the last of the milk and leave the closed carton on the counter, finish a soda and leave the can there, unrinsed. Again, I'm not bashing (maybe grinding my teeth a little :tongue_smilie:), just really wondering if others do these things for their DHs cheerily and with love and grace, or if they want to put it all under the covers on his side of the bed for him to deal with when he comes home. I definitely do not expect him to wash dishes or do laundry or mop or vacuum or even clean up after the kids.

 

I love being in charge of our house. I wanted it desperately. And I got it. That's for sure. He does do the cars, but no yard work or house projects unless something's completely unusable. He's also working a lot of hours and is stressed over this new job (same company, new project), so I'm trying not to take any of it personally. I'm really not. And I've mentioned a few things here and there, and nothing changes, so I'm just trying to love him as he is. Ya know?! :D

Edited August 23, 2010 by melissel

[anneofalamo]

My hubby gets up at 3am, I do not! He makes the coffee so when I do arise at 5, it is done, and thick like I love it.

I homeschool 4 able bodied children that do dishes and miscellaneous chores. I cook they clean! lol

but that being said, we were having a family from church over for dinner and my phone rang. It was my hubby, "I'm done early, what can I do to make tonight easier for you?" That was better than roses! :001_wub:

I really believe I am to make my house a home and refuge for my family. I am also teaching my children how to be responsible. My hubby has two jobs, one to provide for us the other to cover us in prayer and love.

 

Just because I am going over division for the 100th time with one child, explaining that fire to my science loving high schooler is not acceptable at this time or encouraging my twins to stop giggling and do their writing assignments, I can prep dinner, wash his clothes and look nice for him when he gets home.

NOw..............that doesn't always happen, I have melt downs...but that is usually when we go to Wendy's! lol

[Heather in WI]

Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

 

I can't say that he picks up every little thing 100% of the time, but he helps out often. If there is dog hair everywhere, he'll get the broom and sweep. Likewise with vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, etc.

 

There are chores that he hates ... He'll avoid making the bed if at all possible. :D

 

As to the things you just mentioned ...

 

He does usually lock up at night ... but not always.

 

I usually take the garbage bag out of the kitchen garbage and stick it by the back door (in the garage) and he'll take it out to the bin.

 

I think it's pretty much a team effort around here.

[Mejane]

My husband is responsible for painting, lawncare (4 acres), repairs, chopping and hauling wood, pest control... the general maintenance is endless around here. He also works 60-80 hours per week. I don't expect him to do "housework." That's why I had kids. ;)

[ChristusG]

I wish!! One would think that if the floor is strewn with toys that someone would pick them up instead of stepping around them. Ummm no, I'm the only one who does that. He takes out the trash (when it's overflowing), and he cuts the lawn (when it's already way too tall). He washes his own work clothes. If I ask for help, he'll do it with an "I guess", but I don't ask for help often. He does work all day so I honestly do not expect much of him at home. But it would be nice if he'd do things like put away the toys that the kids left sitting on the couch instead of just moving them to the floor....or cut the grass before it gets unsightly.

[mrs.m]

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

 

I'm in charge of everything. He won't see small things around the house to do because he isn't wired that way. That is an unrealistic expectation when it comes to my husband. And early on it almost destroyed our marriage. :(

 

Now I am very specific about what I need help with and I ask him. I consider the things that he knows how to do correctly. So I might deep clean the kitchen while he is folding a load of laundry.

 

I also email honey-do's as appointments because then they get put on his phone which chimes at him to remind him. :lol:

[Guest janainaz]

I don't expect dh to do much around the house. He does maintenance type stuff (changing air filters and little things like that). He does the yard, but I usually jump in and help because he does not care about it as much as I do. I expect him to not leave dishes in the sink and clean up after himself. He takes out the trash and he'll do anything I ask him, but I look at 98% of household chores as mine. I give my boys chores and I do the rest.

 

If I were a working mom or employed part-time, my expectations would be quite different. I still look at like "I GET to stay home". Even though I work hard, dh takes on tremendous burdens financially because it all rides on his shoulders. I do feel appreciative of him for loving us enough to take that on.

[Sophia]

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

 

No, I don't expect dh to do the small things, but he frequently does anyway.

Cleaning is largely my responsibility (and the dc!) but repairs, painting, etc. he handles.

The exterior of the house and major yardwork (cutting grass, fallen tree branches, etc.) is his and ds's domain.

We both stay pretty busy.

[mrs.m]

Well, I guess I'm thinking more of "general domain" things -- things he used to do when I was working but has since let slip away. For example, setting the house alarm at bedtime. He used to do that before getting into bed. Now he doesn't. Taking out the garbage when it's full (overly so, with a separate bag hanging from the back of a chair)--that doesn't happen anymore. He'll drink the last of the milk and leave the closed carton on the counter, finish a soda and leave the can there, unrinsed. Again, I'm not bashing (maybe grinding my teeth a little :tongue_smilie:), just really wondering if others do these things for their DHs cheerily and with love and grace, or if they want to put it all under the covers on his side of the bed for him to deal with when he comes home. I definitely do not expect him to wash dishes or do laundry or mop or vacuum or even clean up after the kids.

 

I love being in charge of our house. I wanted it desperately. And I got it. That's for sure. He does do the cars, but no yard work or house projects unless something's completely unusable. He's also working a lot of hours and is stressed over this new job (same company, new project), so I'm trying not to take any of it personally. I'm really not. And I've mentioned a few things here and there, and nothing changes, so I'm just trying to love him as he is. Ya know?! :D

 

I always hated it when old women would say crazy stuff like be happy with the little quirks because you will miss them when they are gone. BUT it's very true. Honestly, I let stuff like that go. DH travels a lot. It's not worth bickering over little tiny things. And lately I've been thankful for the messes he leaves behind because that means he's been home. I wish I was less upset over that stuff when he had a job that kept him home. :(

 

When he is home I will ask for help with specific things. But I don't let the little stuff get to me.

 

Now my kids, that's a different story... :glare:

[Gwenhwyfar]

My dh works really long hours (and doesn't enjoy his work at all) - the little bit of time he does have at home, he just wants to flake on the couch and watch tv/play video games/sleep. :tongue_smilie:

 

Edit: Okay I feel bad for just leaving my sentence like that. I do love the guy - or we wouldn't be married and all. ;) He's just him. Very much the "don't bug me" personality, values his downtime.

Edited August 24, 2010 by Gwenhwyfar

[Skadi]

My DH has a job outside the home. My job is inside the home. I'll ask him to do the dishes or pick up the living room when...

 

a) He doesn't work 40 hours a week.

or

b) He expects me to help with his work outside the home.

 

Honestly, we have two very different but important roles, and if either of us adopt mentality that the other "has it easier" or "should do more" I think it would really hurt our marriage. Not to mention, I would much rather him spend the time he has away from work doing family oriented activities instead of menial tasks. Imagine if YOU were the one working a full time job and your husband was staying at home but as soon as you stepped in the door, you were confronted with a to-do list. You'd be left with very little time with the kids and you'd get burnt out real quick, to be sure.

[Food4Thought]

My husband notices nothing about the housework, except his few quirky things he expects me to notice (like water spots on the faucet). Seriously, we could be living with a floor coated in dirt and hay, and a sink full of dishes, and he'll get irked about a water spot on the faucet. :lol: I certainly don't expect him to notice anything. He's happy to help when I ask for it, but otherwise I'm picking up dirty socks and clearing off the table and putting random food away all day long.

 

He's also working a lot of hours and is stressed over this new job (same company, new project), so I'm trying not to take any of it personally. I'm really not. And I've mentioned a few things here and there, and nothing changes, so I'm just trying to love him as he is. Ya know?! :D

 

My husband is as oblivious as they come, but I find that when he is stressed things get left undone that he used to be fully capable of doing. I suggest your DH might be going through a phase. Continue asking him for help, but don't expect much. When the pressure eases up, I'm sure he'll wake up and see those things and be able to follow through again.

[melissel]

My DH has a job outside the home. My job is inside the home. I'll ask him to do the dishes or pick up the living room when...

 

a) He doesn't work 40 hours a week.

or

b) He expects me to help with his work outside the home.

 

Honestly, we have two very different but important roles, and if either of us adopt mentality that the other "has it easier" or "should do more" I think it would really hurt our marriage. Not to mention, I would much rather him spend the time he has away from work doing family oriented activities instead of menial tasks. Imagine if YOU were the one working a full time job and your husband was staying at home but as soon as you stepped in the door, you were confronted with a to-do list. You'd be left with very little time with the kids and you'd get burnt out real quick, to be sure.

 

Again, I'm not really talking about a to-do list. I'm talking more about general life maintenance things--throwing away the milk carton you emptied or putting your dishes in the empty dishwasher rather the sink right above it. Things that just seem to be common sense rather than actual tasks, you know? If I accidentally leave my hair in the tub drain, he leaves it in the corner until I pick it up. If he leaves the wet sponge in the sink for hours, I wash it, rinse it, and disinfect it in the microwave. That sort of thing...

[MamaT]

My dh works long hours - 60-80 hours a week. He also manages to do lawn maintenance (5 acres), car maintenance, repairs needed, and household projects. He also takes care of all the finances.

 

He will wash the dishes if they aren't already done when he gets home, and he will take out the trash if it needs it. Other than that, he doesn't really have time to do anything else. The kids have regular chores, so they are my helpers inside the house.

 

He is happy to do anything else I ask him to, and never complains if things aren't "perfect" around here. He eats whatever I put in front of him without one complaint in almost 30 years.

 

Whoever goes to bed last locks up around here, and he always makes the coffee for me in the mornings (because he is up first).

 

It works for us. :001_smile:

[WeeBeaks]

DH doesn't help unless asked, but then I'm of the mind of the others who mentioned he has a 40 hour per week job (ha, more like 60!) and my "job" is the kids and house. When I'm really swamped, I do ask and he helps out, but the premise is I'm really trying and busy during the day too.

[StaceyinLA]

I just resigned from my part-time job, so I'm home full-time again with basically grown kids (15yos is only one left schooling). My hubby works a normal 40, plays golf several evenings and on the weekends. He also cooks on Sunday evenings, will cook another evening or two if I put meat out for him, keeps up the 5 acres, does all home maintenance, additions, fence building, barn building, and will do dishes, laundry, and general pickup if needed (let me say it's rarely needed as I am a clutter-free type of gal).

 

There is probably nothing he wouldn't do if I asked...

[Perry]

Again, I'm not really talking about a to-do list. I'm talking more about general life maintenance things--throwing away the milk carton you emptied or putting your dishes in the empty dishwasher rather the sink right above it. Things that just seem to be common sense rather than actual tasks, you know? If I accidentally leave my hair in the tub drain, he leaves it in the corner until I pick it up. If he leaves the wet sponge in the sink for hours, I wash it, rinse it, and disinfect it in the microwave. That sort of thing...

One of our household expectations is:

 

Don't make work for others.

 

I expect everyone to pick up after themselves, and to finish a job. If you clean something with a sponge, it's your responsibility to clean it and put it away. If you get something out, you put it away.

[katemary63]

What do you think? Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course

 

 

Absolutely. His job is working outside the home. My job is taking care of and educating the kids, and running ALL the family errands such as shopping, bank, post office etc and usually cooking dinner. IF I have the time, I try to get as much housework done as I can. What ever isn't done when he gets home from work is up for grabs. We'll both work on it till it gets done. It's OUR house and we all mess it. That means we all clean it. My DH has never even suggested anything else. As a matter of fact, quite the contrary. When the kids were babies/ toddlers, he'd always make sure I was attending to them or even just playing with them. He'd call during the day and say, "It's gorgeous outside, why don't you take the kids to the park?" If I said I had to clean the kitchen or whatever, he's say, "I'll just do that when I get home. Go ahead, let them have fun!" He has always wanted the very, very best for his kids and that means a mom who does not feel the stress of too much housework, a mom who feels free to go with the moment and not restricted to what I SHOULD be doing. I have to admit, He is AWESOME!!!

 

BTW: Because of his amazing and unselfish attitude, I do MY very best to make sure HE is happy in every possible way! ;) It's a win/ win!

Edited August 23, 2010 by katemary63

[Danestress]

He does the dishes every night. I don't have to mention that the dishes need to be done. It's his job, and he does it. He puts garbage out at the curb. I don't tell him to. He knows.

 

But most of the rest is my job, and I do it or ask if I need help with something. Because he does the dishes every single night and I HATE dishes, I have made my piece with a certain amount of picking stuff up and putting it away without complaining. I pick it up and put it away and thank GOD I don't have to do dinner dishes.

[Impish]

Every morning, I do a scan for Wolf's coffee cup. That's so I can put it in the sink before one of the kids knocks it over.

 

He does his own laundry (work clothes), takes over when I'm having a bad pain day, takes the kids hiking so I can sleep til noon on the wknd. He'll even get a bee in his bonnet and do major housework once a month, but general stuff, like putting his dishes in the sink? *snort* He'll carry laundry upstairs for me, but fold it? Riiight. Its been an issue for us, since anything other than towels hurts me to fold. Towels I can lay on the bed.

 

I'm working on getting my laundry room Duggarized. Clothes rack, hangers and bins so that nobody's laundry needs folding, and its all there neatly. My family has no issues in going downstairs to get clothes, but they paw through the baskets, dumping clean stuff on the floor, and I can't carry the baskets up.

 

He made the mistake once of saying, "When I lived on my own, my place was always clean..." Ha! I saw your place, Bub! Dishes there for a week, etc.

 

Only time his bachelor pad was clean was when he was dating someone that cleaned it, paid someone to clean it, or was having someone over for the first time :tongue_smilie:

[cjzimmer1]

My husband removes the snow in the winter (although I have to chop up any ice since I'm home when the sun is shining and the ice is easier to chop). He watches the kids while I mow the lawn (he's allergic to grass). If I'm gone more than 4-5 hours he MAY load the dishwasher. He folds his own laundry (after I've washed and dried it) because he is particular about how it is done and I refuse to be that precise. He also remakes the bed after I washed the sheets because we both agree he does a much better job than I do. Otherwise the kids and I pretty much do the inside and outside chores. He goes to work and makes money that I spend (since I do the bills too).

[Wheres Toto]

DH works a 40+ hour week job that allows me to stay home with the kids. I really, really appreciate that since I worked full time until my oldest was 11. He also cooks dinner every night, stops at the grocery store on the way home if something in particular is needed and does the full grocery shopping about 1/2 the time (if I can't manage to find a chance to do it without the kids). He always puts the garbage cans and recyclables out to the curb, empties the inside cans about 1/2 the time. He does all the yard work, repairs and has built rooms.

 

Most important to me and our happy home life - he appreciates how hard it is raising and homeschooling young children and never gives me grief about the house being a mess. All he asks is the dishes are done before he comes home to cook dinner so he has a clean counter to work on. If the clean laundry sits folded in the baskets for 2 days - not a word. Dining room table hasn't been cleaned off in a month - not a word. Toys everywhere - not a word. Although to be honest, I don't think it's that he's just keeping quiet - I don't think he really even notices.

 

I like it this way.

[cmarango]

I'm talking more about general life maintenance things--throwing away the milk carton you emptied or putting your dishes in the empty dishwasher rather the sink right above it. Things that just seem to be common sense rather than actual tasks, you know? If I accidentally leave my hair in the tub drain, he leaves it in the corner until I pick it up. If he leaves the wet sponge in the sink for hours, I wash it, rinse it, and disinfect it in the microwave. That sort of thing...

 

No, my dh will not reliably do those sorts of things. Generally, his clothes will make it into the hamper. Usually, he will rinse out items that need to go into the recycling bins, but he will then leave them on the counter for me. Dirty plates either stay on the table or go into the sink when they should be in the dishwasher. It is quite rare that he will empty the dishwasher or the laundry area on his own. If I am feeling overwhelmed with the mess and I am about to go crazy then I ask him to help me clean up whatever particular area is bothering me.

[HappyCrazyMama]

Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course

 

:lol:

[Parrothead]

One of our household expectations is:

 

Don't make work for others.

 

I expect everyone to pick up after themselves, and to finish a job. If you clean something with a sponge, it's your responsibility to clean it and put it away. If you get something out, you put it away.

Mine is "if you see a need, fill it."

 

If the laundry hamper is overflowing, wash a load of clothes. If the trash can is overflowing, take out the trash and replace the bag, If you are hungry chances are others in the house are too, prepare a meal. Etc. and so forth.

 

My job is to homeschool the kiddo, take care of the yard and do the heavy duty cleaning. My job is not to pick up behind the people living in my house. Everyone cleans up after themselves and every one has a job before, and after meals.

 

I am not the maid.

[Parrothead]

Do you expect your DH to see small things around the house that need to be done just as a matter of course, or do you fully expect to be in charge of everything?

 

TIA!

I just wanted to add that I am in charge, but I do delegate as any good manager would.

[Tree House Academy]

I can expect all day long, it isn't going happen with my dh! He sees dog poo on the floor and will yell, "REBECCA...the dog poo'd on the floor..." as he leaves. :glare:

 

In a way, though, I am okay with this. He does the outside work and I do not typically pitch in. I also don't go out there and make a mess. He does little more inside the house than eat, sleep, and shower - so, for the most part, I expect to be the one to clean the house, take care of the laundry, etc. On top of the job he has outside the home, he has 2 hours a day of wasted driving time, he does the gardening, canning, farming, 88% of the animal care outside, and all of the yard/farm work. Our duties are split pretty well, IMO.

[DianeW88]

Well, it's pretty much 1955 around here and we're Ward and June Cleaver. :lol: It's not my dh, it's me. He's always willing to help out, but I feel guilty, because he works so hard everyday outside the home, so I consider the household chores my domain. Having said that, he does empty the dishwasher with regularity and pick up if things get too messy. Other than that, he empties the trash, takes care of the cars and all outside chores and the yardwork, etc. I do all the traditional inside the home "Suzy Homemaker" type things.....which I enjoy, so we're very happy here.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[Jayne J]

I expect basic courtesy from my husband. He works hard, 40 or more hours a week outside the home, and so I do the lion's share of the work at home (he does the lawn, takes out trash, and helps clean up after dinner. I refrain from cleaning his basement or attic:D). I pick up dirty laundry from beside the basket, I clean the refridgerator and scrub the bathrooms, and do all the routine cleaning/organizing and shopping. I expect this and do not feel he needs to do these things. other than times of emergency (sickness, new baby etc.)

 

However, leaving trash on the counters, and dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher is a disourtesy to me and I personally would be upset by it. (This is of course not addressing the occasional lapse which we all have.) Your personal messes from snacks or projects/hobbies, and your clean folded laundry are yours to clean up in this house.

Edited August 24, 2010 by urpedonmommy

[Guest]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: You're kidding, right?

 

DH will step over trash on the floor, sit on top of a pile of clean laundry, and carefully balance a dirty glass on top of a huge mound of dirty dishes overflowing the sink, without it ever occurring to him that he might do something about it. It's not that he considers it my job to do those things, it just never occurs to him that those things should probably be taken care of rather soon.

 

His only routine household job is loading the dishwasher, and I've gotten so tired of waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes that I now pay DS12 to do it. DD7 unloads it in the morning. DH will do chores if I make a list and hand it to him AND if the kids and I are also doing chores at the same time AND if I check on him every half hour or so and suggest that maybe he could read that magazine/watch that TV show/check email after he finishes the list.

 

Does that answer your question? :lol:

 

Jackie

 

We not only have kids with a lot in common, but apparently our dh's are mind-twins.

[Peela]

We have our own areas. My dh is Mr FixIt- I call him that regularly- because he is very practical and will fix anything around the house, including all our computers (taught himself). He will spend hours and hours of time fixing a 2nd hand computer rather than buying another- over and over. He does anything heavy, mechanical...he also will do a general kitchen clean up fairly often-not detailed. He cooks eggs regularly for breakfast (no other meals, ever, but eggs with mushrooms, tomato, spinach...he's an expert.)

He is also the one that will nag and berate the kids about their chores. So, he is quite involved in that respect. If I nag him to help more...he will just nag the kids to help more. He likes to delegate :)

No, he won't pick up a broom or turn on a vacuum cleaner, ever, but in terms of sharing the workload, I don't often feel he doesn't do his share, because he does so many repair jobs and tinkers so much.

He also does all his own washing and has his own room and bathroom that he takes care of- he is quite domesticated.

I do the Flylady system (back on the bandwagon) and I have learned not to get upset with other people not helping. They wouldn't care much if the place was a pigsty, so I keep it tidy for me, and ask for help as needed.

We have a huge house...and I still don't find it a lot of work to keep basically ordered and tidy.

[Laurie4b]

What I want and what I expect are two different things. I have to ask specifically for help.

When we first got married, dh was much more proactively helpful. Now, I need to ask.

He does take the trash to the dump as a matter of course.

A lot just doesn't get done.

[ScoutTN]

Similar to many others here. I do most of the routine household management. DH fixes things, deals with the yard, the cars and will do anything I specifically ask. He's fairly quick to do laundry, but not much else.

 

He doesn't see the things I see. He's male.

But he is fairly neat and tidy and that helps a lot. Plus he's good about teaching the kids to help and pick up toys etc.

 

Every now and then I get overwhelmed and frustrated, but generally he does his work and I do mine and we're happy with it.

[cjbeach]

My dh is *completely* oblivious. Completely. He is consumed by business, work,finance. When it's not that it's me and the kids. The house could be falling apart around him and he wouldn't notice or care. He opens a cabinet and most times it is left open. Sometimes his clothes make it to the hamper. Pants are usually left out, as are his shoes. He walks his plate to the sink.

And well.....nope, that's it. That's everything.

 

I do 99.8 percent of everything (I'm the one on a ladder topping palm trees - all 5'2" of me). My neighbors shake their heads but when dh DOES get the itch re: house maintenance, he's like a maniac. (He's an all or nothing type of guy I guess.)

I make lists that are more home maintenance type of things that I certainly need remind him about. After about 100 reminders he happily does the honey do list.

My dh has his own company and works full-time 9-5 but when he walks out in the morning he's wearing clothes I've pressed (I iron 6 outfits for him on Sundays), grabbed his things which I've put out for him, and his lunch is hanging on the door.

 

BUT when finances were better, he was the one who made sure we had a cleaning woman twice a month, at minimum, to give me a hand. I think he recognizes his faults here.

[Caraway]

He'll drink the last of the milk and leave the closed carton on the counter, finish a soda and leave the can there, unrinsed.

 

 

This would drive me insane (and it does!). To me this is making MORE work, as it would be just as easy to set the can in the recycling. I am not a servant.

 

We do what we call "one-touching" around here, when we are on top of things. The idea is that it is easier to only touch things ONCE. So, drinking the soda, setting it on the counter, later picking it up and putting it in the recycling is touching it TWICE. Or THREE times if you move the empty can to cram more dirty dishes next to the sink. Empty can leaves hand into recycling is one-touching.