s/o man up... what if your dd is a huge tomboy?

[Joker]

My older dd is a big daddy's girl. She doesn't want to wear dresses. She is most comfortable in her running shorts, t-shirts, backward hat and mis-matched Converse. ( The theme song to Punky Brewster runs through my mind often when she comes out of her room) My mom has recently started making comments and thinks if she was in ps she might be a little more "girlie". I grew up in TX and I know it bothered my mom that I was a daddy's girl as well. I just didn't care about makeup or clothes. The other thread has got so heated about boys. I wondered if anyone has a problem and thinks there is an issue if girls are tomboys instead of "little ladies".

[Orthodox6]

Double standard takes care of this non-problem. Tomboys and "feminine" (heaven save me from a discussion of whatever that means !) girls hold equal status and honor in today's culture. Only boys and men get bludgeoned and vilified for demonstrating any spectrum of variations.

[Remudamom]

Well, I was a huge tomboy. I was also a cheerleader and homecoming queen. (go ahead, laugh, it's true). Debutante, sorority gal. Can't tomboys be feminine as easily as quiet boys can be masculine? Yes? No?

[Shelly in IL]

I know when I was young, I was daddy's little girl. I had all kinds of weird animals that I rescued, the only time I wore a dress that I can remember, I fell off walking on stilts, cut my leg and had to get stitches!

 

In high school, my best friends were 5 guys and I swore like a sailor. Although - at the end of highschool I found out they all really liked me (boy/girl like). That kinda creeped me out, as I really just LOVED them - but as brothers and friends - graduation night was so weird - that's when I found out each liked me. Yuck! At this time, I was still very much a farm girl complete with animals. no dresses!

 

However, I was still a girl that curled my hair and wore makeup (hello '80's) and no one would ever accuse me of being "butch."

 

So, all that being said, only you can know as mom if this is something that you want to give a push into the more "girly" direction. Just because you don't wear dresses (still don't) doesn't mean that you aren't feminine and pretty. Maybe encourage her to change into clean and a bit prettier clothes when you go out in public (I even do this with my boys to distinguish proper "out" attire vs: play clothes), making sure the hair is combed, etc.

 

I think that proper dressing in public - and knowing what that means is a huge things that is lacking in today's world. (What's up with wearing pj's in public?)

[HRAAB]

My oldest dd was and still is a tomboy. When she was young she would call herself a 'johnny girl' because she got it confused with tomboy. I went through a period where I tried to feminize her more. I wish to heaven someone would have me to let her be herself. I did damage trying to make her into something she wasn't. She is who she is. I wised up.

 

She is still more comfortable in jeans and tee shirt, but when necessary she can dress up and look quite feminine, but she's not comfortable in that attire. She enjoys tearing things apart, building, working on cars with her dad or boyfriend. Yet, she can sew quite well and enjoys cooking - a few of the more womanly arts.

 

I don't see what in the world homeschooling vs. public school would have to do with this. :confused:

[Peela]

I think my job is to bring up my kids to be themselves and express themselves and feel comfortable just not thinking about such things. I think its a terrible thing to put on a child- you should be more this way or that way. My dd was not interested in dresses, covered her body well, until she was 12 or 13, then suddenly, as puberty came, she blossomed into a totally girly girly girly girl!

I don't see it as my job to make a child conform to my ideas of what they should be. My job is to give them the tools and the acceptance to be themselves and follow their own paths in life.

[Shelly in IL]

Punky Brewster grew up to be a very attractive woman!

[hornblower]

Double standard takes care of this non-problem.

 

Yes, if we didn't have this convenient double standard, some people would be telling us that homeschooling mothers raise girls who are too strong, too opinionated, too forceful, too independent. We're just wrecking these girls! They need to be soft & melty until they meet a strong manly dude to prop them up & lead them properly.

 

Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys.

 

:001_rolleyes:

[Remudamom]

 

Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys.

 

:001_rolleyes:

 

I say three cheers for them and the manly men who love us! Ummmm, I mean, them!

Edited May 28, 2010 by Remudamom

[Shelly in IL]

"Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys. ":D

 

We need a smilie that has 2 smilies ca'chinking wine glasses (or beer mugs!)

[KidsHappen]

Yes, if we didn't have this convenient double standard, some people would be telling us that homeschooling mothers raise girls who are too strong, too opinionated, too forceful, too independent. We're just wrecking these girls!

Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys.

 

:001_rolleyes:

 

Wow! We never made the connection with homeschooling. :confused: We just thought that I raised b*tchy girls because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :tongue_smilie: Luckily, as a natural consequence they have all found compliant men so far.

[Rosie_0801]

My :ack2: story on this topic came about when we had our son. One of dh's mates said that now dd could retire to being the pretty pink princess instead of the tomboy. (If toddlers can be realistically classed as anything other than toddlers.) My girl was swinging boffer swords at age one, and still delights in the most prissy of princess dresses.

 

Feminine and tomboy are not opposites. They are quite complementary. A lady is a lady regardless of what she's wearing. In fact, when I think of the women I'd like my daughter to grow up like, I'm thinking of a lady by the name of Gwir who is one of the cheeriest, sweetest women I've ever met. She greets everyone as though she's delighted to help before she's even heard what they want, and that barely falters even when she's exhausted. She can cook a feast for 200 people, can sew pretty dresses, tizzes about whether she looks good enough to go out in public as well as the rest of us, and fights with a sword and shield in armour. She's not very good at it, being new to the sport, but boy has she got pluck! She'll go out onto the field, knowing she's going to get pounded because she's intent on improving. And when someone's being a lout and a quiet word isn't enough, she can verbally kick serious bottom and get the desired results. And the person being loutish still likes her afterwards :)

 

Rosie

Edited May 28, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Remudamom]

Wow! We never made the connection with homeschooling. :confused: We just thought that I raised b*tchy girls because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :tongue_smilie: Luckily, as a natural consequence they have all found compliant men so far.

 

:lol::lol:You are so bad!:lol::lol:

[Daisy]

Yes, if we didn't have this convenient double standard, some people would be telling us that homeschooling mothers raise girls who are too strong, too opinionated, too forceful, too independent. We're just wrecking these girls!

 

You mean you all have never gotten this? I sure have. My daughter likes to dig in the dirt, pretend to be Peter Pan (never Wendy), crow like a chicken, pick up dead cockroaches, and climb trees. She could care less about fashion. She proudly wore her cowboy hat and boots to Awana club.

 

I'm not the wear make-up and paint my nails type. Can't stand boring conversations about fashion and hair.

 

I've been told I'm not teaching my daughter to be a godly homemaker who is meek and quiet. I never got this line prior to being a homeschooler.

 

And if I'm honest although my10yo can cook, sew, mow the lawn, and a slew of other things around the house, neither she nor I are ever going to be the meek and quiet type. Dang it, we don't blow away in the wind though.

[CherylG]

"Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys. ":D

 

We need a smilie that has 2 smilies ca'chinking wine glasses (or beer mugs!)

 

That is such a great graphic-I can see it.

 

People always have something to say...

 

People used to ask me what was wrong with my daughter. Why she didn't like guys..."she's just so pretty". I just used to be (emotionally) ready to see her be the girl in the middle of the flag-football game, or the ultimate Frisbee games whenever all the homeschoolers were together. When I asked her about it she told me that girls were boring-all they wanted to do was talk about the boys. :)

 

One time she was with a group of homeschooling guys (her oldest brother, too) and she was so competitive: anything they could do, she thought she could do better. (She did compete at the national level in baton, but no one saw all that glitz) Well, the boys were all taking turns standing on the back of those 4-person, bike tram things, while the other 4 were pedaling as fast as they could. The thing is: she did hold on, but was so flexible that when they got going super fast, she lost her footing and when she replaced her foot on the back, it slipped and it went into the wheel. (ugh!!) Well, she didn't walk for a year from that one. If anything would change my girlie into a "girlie" it should've been that.

 

But soon afterwards, she started playing Frisbee and was asked onto a guys' team because she's tall(and aggressive) She never dated, met a sweet guy, got married, but now she's turned into a girlie girl. I'm not feeling it. Today, she ran out of gas, so I went and got her the can, filled it then brought it to her...I was supposed to be going to Special Olympics (my little one and I teach gymnastics) so I wasn't being dramatic, but I really couldn't get gas all over me-she started freaking out and wanted her husband. I do not know who she is after that one. I'll take my tomboy any day!! jk-kinda...:tongue_smilie:

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Can't tomboys be feminine as easily as quiet boys can be masculine? Yes? No?

 

Yes.

 

DD's nickname is Princess Tomboy. In my absolute favorite picture of her, she is wearing a white linen dress embroidered with delicate pink rosebuds with sparkly dress shoes, wearing a pink t-ball helmet, holding a toad, and sporting a scab on her nose from falling while climbing the cliff in our back yard. This describes her better than any words ever could. :001_wub:

 

My ds's run around all day shooting each other with blasters and fighting to the death with light sabres. They injure themselves 10 times a day, steel themselves and proudly move on. They catch spiders in the house and release them safely in the garden. Then they come to the table for poet-teas and bring their stuffed animals and dolls. :001_wub::001_wub:

 

Why not forget about "tomboys" and "sissies?" We can just aim for a good balance of strong and sensitive in both our girls and boys.

Edited May 28, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[hornblower]

"Gah, these strong b*tchy women. Can't stand 'em. Right up there with those sissy guys. ":D

 

We need a smilie that has 2 smilies ca'chinking wine glasses (or beer mugs!)

 

:cheers2:

 

here you go :D (click 'more' under the smileys_

[hornblower]

Wow! We never made the connection with homeschooling. :confused:

 

Well, yanno, I would never gone there, but a senior poster assured us that homeschooling mamas were wrecking boys & turning 'em into sissies. ERGO - homeschooling mamas are responsible for those shrewish girls too.

[LibraryLover]

We just thought that I raised b*tchy girls because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

:lol::lol: My dh would be all over that reasoning.

[hornblower]

You mean you all have never gotten this?

 

All kidding aside - Daisy, I'm sure many people have gotten this, and it's sad. Good for you for letting your children be who they are & develop their own personality and sense of self. :grouphug:

 

I can honestly say I've never gotten any of this sort of flack about either of my kids & their interests/appearance etc - but we're atheists, & we're on the West Coast, where it seems there's always someone 'weirder' and more far out than you.

[Sugarfoot]

Well, I guess I just expected my girls to be tomboys. They are mine, after all.;)

 

I remember playing football (tackle, of course) after Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparent's house---boys against the girls---and running all the way across the yard with my brother and cousin hanging on to my waist, just dragging them both along. Was that unlady-like? It depends on your definition!

 

A few years ago, we were at Disney, and a waiter called my DD "Princess" one too many times. She said, "I wish he'd start calling me "Agent Scully" instead.:lol: Nature? Nurture? Who knows, but the only acceptable princess at our house is Princess Leia. (Although DD 3 hasn't quite figured that out yet and often wields her light saber while dressed as Cinderella.)

[Baseball mom]

I see nothing at all wrong with your dd. People need to mind their own business.

 

I have always been more tomboyish. Jeans and t-shirts are what I always felt comfy in. Makeup, some when I was in highschool, none now. Loved to go 4 wheeling and do other "guy things". I was always the girl that didn't mind getting dirty and messing up her hair. Life was to fun to sit around worrying about those things.

 

Can I wear a dress and put on makeup? Yes.

Do I feel I need to do that to make me complete? No Way!!

 

My dad taught me to check the fluids in my car and the air in my tires and to pump gas. He taught me to build/put together things (book case, entertainment center etc). He taught me to mow the yard and how to wash clothes. Taught me how to cook a few things (my mom and step mom taught me to cook alot more) and to balance a checkbook. Taught me to plant a garden and feed the cows. He also took me shopping for a prom dress and for sneakers and my school clothes each year.

He told me "You are a strong young lady, you can do whatever you want in life. I am teaching you these things because I don't want you to have to depend on no one. I want you to be able to take care of yourself cause I won't always be around."

 

ETA: I just went back and reread my post. I did NOT mean a girlie girl depends on someone else. I was just having a sentimental moment thinking back to my childhood and then what my dad taught me. (he passed away several years ago and this time every year I think about him). So please girlie girls don't get mad at me.

Edited May 28, 2010 by Baseball mom

[The Girls' Mom]

My oldest is a tomboy, and always has been. She has more fun playing with the boys, and can't stand all the girl drama that girl friends bring. She doesn't like to primp, and loves jeans and t-shirts. She won't let me near her with the blow dryer, hair spray, or any form of make up. She loves dirt, bugs, and critters in general. She can make ALL the rude noises just as loud and obnoxiously as my dh.

 

But she's still a girl. She has a soft spot for babies and little kids, she loves bracelets and necklaces, she has a stuffed animal collection you wouldn't believe, and loves fairy tale love stories (although she won't admit it :lol:)

 

She's just like I was. And although I'm a little more girlie these days, I'm still on the no-frou-frou side.

 

Oh, and I don't think it's our up-bringing. I have one daughter who is the queen of girlie, she EMBRACES all things pink and glittery.

[smrtmama]

So what if she is? So what if my daughter has masculine traits or my son has feminine ones? I don't think gender is a binary condition and as such, don't expect my children to exhibit traits that are only socially-designated as masculine or feminine.

 

Of course, I'm also one of those horrible sissifying moms who wouldn't be upset if her children were gay, trans, or voted Democrat. ;)

 

 

Also, once again, I profess my undying e-love for Daisy and all her wonderment. <3 you, Daisy!

[BMW]

My oldest dd was a girly girl... definitely NOT a tomboy... and embraced everything feminine. She surpassed me in cooking years ago. She can sew.

 

My 2nd dd, just two years younger, was definitely a tomboy. I could not keep that girl clean. Frilly? Girly? Nope. We laugh at baby pictures of her all sweet in a little dress! She had gorgeous LONG hair and once she was 14, cut it all short! She used to be an "I could care less about hair and make-up" girl, but at the end of her junior year, she discovered "getting pretty". Her guy "friends" (there were 2 boys and her and they were the best of buddies... never dated each other) teased her and teased her when she carried a purse or a pocketbook... and oh, my, when she wore a summer dress last year!! She is smart as can be, but does NOT cook (and we like it when she doesn't!!!), she does not sew, but she is one of the best babysitters and will be a great mom, if she chooses someday (even if she doesn't cook very good or sew) and is a whole, complete package... she is herself and we adore her.

 

Anyone who knows our family, knows that homeschooling all the years I did had nothing to do with if my girls were girly or tom-boyish... I demonstrated household management, taught them (or tried!) to cook a bit, did crafts, etc. My tom-boy was just more interested in dissecting squirrels and building tee-pees, running the hills and jumping in the pond...

[Wheres Toto]

I was a huge tomboy - played tackle football, hardly ever dress up, never wear makeup. That's just how I'm comfortable.

 

My oldest.....is hard to define. She likes to dress up sometimes, but goes to school is sweats and t's other times. She wears makeup but doesn't spend all day touching up. She's a dancer and cheerleader but also can stand up to and beat up all the boys (she has both girl and boy friends). From about 2 to 5 years old she would wear nothing but dresses because someone put it in her head that "girls wear dresses" means that to be a girl you had to wear a dress. I wouldn't call her a tomboy, I wouldn't call her a prissy girl. She's just....Steph.

 

My youngest (dd) on the other hand is a little bully. She beats up and tackles her brother, can throw a football (with correct orientation) about 6 feet, total rough and tumble. But, she also likes her princess dresses and to dance around the room.

 

My son likes singing, dancing and puts on shows for us. He's very imaginative and tells amazing stories. But, he also will run around and play, likes fishing with daddy (caught his first fish at 3 years old).

 

I don't really feel the need to define my kids. They are who they are.

[stripe]

My daughter likes dresses fine, but also directs the neighborhood boys in sports, so I don't really see it as an either/or. I think there is a degree of strength in being tomboyish that might protect her from some teen female stupidity.

[hillfarm]

My 11yo dd and her best female friend just exchanged gifts. The friend gave dd a pile of deer bones she found in a pasture and dd responded with a cecropia moth and a polyphemus. Then we went to the mall and she picked out some cute clothes to wear to Bible School. Who wants to be normal? Not us!:tongue_smilie:

[Ester Maria]

My older one has been a very feminine child since she was born, she's very ladylike in the way she holds herself, has a feel for dressing, etc.

The younger one is not really that type of a child. She might even have been a typical tomboy had she not been born into our family/culture where some degree of "being feminine" is the default position, so some of the things that are natural for my older daughter are "learned" by the younger one.

 

I try to find a balance between allowing a child freedom and the minimum of societal expectations (with regards to wearing a skirt or a dress in some circumstances, etc.).

[kmacnchs]

I was raised to not be weak - to me, that meant cursing like a sailor (at the age of 11), beating people up, NEVER letting anyone do anything for me ("I can do it myself" was my mantra), and being tougher than the boys. This mentality was in elm. school and part of middle school.

 

When I became a Christian in middle school, I stopped cursing and beating people up but my youth was so ingrained in me that becoming a "girly girl" was impossible.

 

As an adult, I learned to LOVE being taken care of /stuck up for by my dh. However, I am INCREDIBLY modest and it is MUCH easier to be modest when you are wearing pants than when you are wearing a dress imo. I feel weird holding a purse (I don't even own one), and I think make up and jewelry is a waste of my time and $$$ so I don't wear any. So, I guess my tomboyishness comes from my upbringing, my modesty, and my practicality.

 

My girls dress themselves and they like wearing dresses and skirts if they have shorts under them but I am guessing the dresses will go out the window once they reach middle school. I am already having to tell dd1, "you can't climb that, you have a dress on". A friend of mine said that is why her dd stopped wearing dresses - it impeded the monkey in her...

 

oh, back to the original Q: No, I do not think there is anything wrong with being a "tomboy" It means different things to different people (tomboys themselves and parents of tomboys)

[JustGin]

I was a tomboy, completely! I loathed dresses, and anything frilly or froufrou, didn't try makeup until I was 17, my closest friends tended to be boys. I hated having my long hair curled, in fact there is a famous picture in my family of me sitting in a chair with the king of all pouts on my face because my hair is in curlers. Braids and ponytails for me along with jeans and sneakers.

FWIW, I'm old enough that I remember not being allowed to wear pants to school until 3rd or 4th grade. My mom sewed, so she made all my dresses and was not allowed to "girl them up" with ric-rac, or lace. They had to be plain and simple.

I loved to read, but spent as much time as I could outside building forts, playing war, riding my bike, teaching myself to fish, exploring, all "boyish" behavior. Inside I loved playing with blocks and cars vs dolls and house. I probably would have been a daddy's girl but I didn't have a daddy. What I know of him though he was bookish and musical like me though.

 

Flash forward to now. I'm 46 and I love being a woman, but I still prefer simple and classical over frilly. I wear makeup, but not every day and when I do, I go for the natural look of Bare Minerals, I will dress up, but my dress clothes collection is dinky compared to that of most of my woman friends, a couple of skirts, some nice tops, one or two simple dresses. I have short hair (not super short) and do I care how it looks, so I spend time there primping. I adore getting a pedicure a few times a year as I can afford it, but not a manicure because it's a waste of money to me.

I laughing tell people that I still have a tomboy inside always ready for a game of catch, or a camping trip. I love camping and I had a blast being my sons den leader in Cub Scouts because I got to hang out with the "boys" and do fun stuff like archery.

In short, being a major tomboy didn't stop me from turning into a woman who

feels comfortable and confident being feminine in ways that fit who I am.

:)

[Hedgehogs4]

My older dd is a big daddy's girl. She doesn't want to wear dresses. She is most comfortable in her running shorts, t-shirts, backward hat and mis-matched Converse. ( The theme song to Punky Brewster runs through my mind often when she comes out of her room) My mom has recently started making comments and thinks if she was in ps she might be a little more "girlie". I grew up in TX and I know it bothered my mom that I was a daddy's girl as well. I just didn't care about makeup or clothes. The other thread has got so heated about boys. I wondered if anyone has a problem and thinks there is an issue if girls are tomboys instead of "little ladies".

 

my niece lived in overalls and rubber galoshes, tromped around in marshes and swamps, rode horses, rescued animals and had to be reminded to bathe. she is now one of the finest, loveliest, most fashionable young women i know, a financially successful artist, married to her high school sweetheart / best friend, built their own house, establishing their own homestead, on and on. they are amazing...and only 23. go figure.

[Ester Maria]

However, I am INCREDIBLY modest and it is MUCH easier to be modest when you are wearing pants than when you are wearing a dress imo.

:confused: You're the first one I hear saying that, I thought it was the opposite.

 

With kids who are playing outside, I get the point, pants are usually more convenient, but personally as an adult woman I actually find it very hard to be modest and/or elegant in pants.

[stripe]

:confused: You're the first one I hear saying that, I thought it was the opposite.

 

With kids who are playing outside, I get the point, pants are usually more convenient, but personally as an adult woman I actually find it very hard to be modest and/or elegant in pants.

I think it's a case of, whatever happens your skin is covered. In a skirt, it's easy to flash someone, particularly in a skirt above the knee. In fact, I always enjoy seeing actresses on tv talk shows spending half their time adjusting their miniskirts.

[Caribbean Queen]

Girls wear pants and play with cars and play sports.

 

This article shows a real tomboy.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1264904/Why-Brad-Pitt-Angelina-Jolie-children-Hollywoods-oddest-family.html

[Danestress]

in some ways, if we think of "manly" as physically active and courageous and competent to handle problems without a lot of fuss. I think one can be these things and still very feminine, but I don't think that's the stereotype.

 

I don't have daughters. But I tend to think that being a tomboy is in no way a liability, whereas being an effeminate man is a major social liability, particularly in junior high. So I can't imagine minding a daughter being sporty and adventuresome, and it seems preferable to her being needy and emotional. But I am not sure we get to choose. These things seem to be so much part of just who kids are. My three sons are all so different, and I don't really think I have had a major hand in "molding" their basic temperments.

[kmacnchs]

:confused: You're the first one I hear saying that, I thought it was the opposite.

 

With kids who are playing outside, I get the point, pants are usually more convenient, but personally as an adult woman I actually find it very hard to be modest and/or elegant in pants.

 

I dont' know about elegant but when I am in a dress, all I am focused on is sitting with my legs together (I try not to cross b/c of v.veins). I realized early on that I did not want to wear a dress to church b/c I would MUCH rather focus on God's Word...I don't wear above the knee dresses either, it's just that sitting w/your legs apart in a skirt does not look nice, imo. Oh, another reason is that in the summer, it is terribly HOT! No one wants to sweat btwn their legs!!!:tongue_smilie:

[TravelingChris]

My girls are tomboyish in many ways- like to do sports and so called manly thinks like rifle shooting, rock climbing, etc. but they do like to wear nice dresses to events like church or a concert and they do wear make-up (more on dd almost 17 and only foundation and lip gloss for dd13, who has a medical condition that gives her a bright red face she wants to tone down). I see no contradiction. But then I was like this as a young person too. Tomboyish in behavior but liking to wear nice clothes.

[Laurie]

I dont' know about elegant but when I am in a dress, all I am focused on is sitting with my legs together (I try not to cross b/c of v.veins). :

 

:lol::iagree:

 

I'll also admit that I've had some wearing-dresses-in-public paranoia ever since I saw a newstory about "upskirting". At least at home when the dog sticks his head under my hem he doesn't have a camera.

[Laura Corin]

I wondered if anyone has a problem and thinks there is an issue if girls are tomboys instead of "little ladies".

 

Laura

[elegantlion]

I was a huge tomboy, cars, knives, toy guns, climbing trees, skateboarding. My mom was a country girl, so I was allowed to be myself.

 

I still am at heart. I remember when I was pregnant praying for a boy, because I would have no clue how to raise a girl. :tongue_smilie:When ds was little we would dig in the dirt, play hot wheels, I finally had a reason to buy giant Tonka trucks. We play fight and have light saber battles.

 

99% of my friends in school were guys and even today I still feel more comfortable in a group of men vs women. I posted in the etiquette about feeling uncomfortable in a group of unknown women. If it had been a group of men I probably could have found some common ground.

 

I went to a girls weekend away a few years ago and we were playing a game in the car. I said we should name our favorite cars, everyone looked at me as if I were from Mars, then someone said that was a guys game. Really? :lol:

 

Tomboys grow up and make wonderful mothers to boys. I'm sure they are wonderful mothers to girls too, I just don't have experience in that area. I never wanted to be Laura Ingalls, I always wanted to be Caddie Woodlawn.

[kmacnchs]

My mom was a country girl, so I was allowed to be myself.

 

I think that is it with my girls. They are just country girls. They like playing in the mud (one more than the other) but it doesn't bother them to do it in their dresses (to my chagrin).

[Ester Maria]

I think it's a case of, whatever happens your skin is covered. In a skirt, it's easy to flash someone, particularly in a skirt above the knee. In fact, I always enjoy seeing actresses on tv talk shows spending half their time adjusting their miniskirts.

:lol: So true.

I wear below-the-knee ones, so it's not that much of an issue though. But yeah, it's another convenient aspect that I didn't think of earlier.

[lionfamily1999]

:lol: So true.

I wear below-the-knee ones, so it's not that much of an issue though. But yeah, it's another convenient aspect that I didn't think of earlier.

I never really learned how to wear dresses. When I was little (and quite the princess) I always had on Shirley Templesque dresses with the frilly bloomers that just begged to be seen.......... As an adult that doesn't help me much.

[Saille]

Strangely, this was exactly the thread I was wishing to see when I left for work this morning.

 

I'm disappointed, though not surprised, to see the marked contrast between the approval of "tomboys" here and the denigration of "sissies" on the other thread. As smrtmama said, gender doesn't have to be a social binary, and several others on this thread seem to agree, including you, remudamom. However, why do you consider it acceptable for girls to explore stereotypically masculine traits but not for boys to explore stereotypically feminine ones? Is it possible that "effeminate" behaviors are not, in and of themselves, the problem? Might it be that a "tomboy" sort of woman is going to dislike stereotypically feminine preferences or behaviors in a boy that she didn't enjoy or adhere to even as a girl? Might that be, not the boy's problem, but hypocrisy on the part of the mother; the denial of freedoms she has permitted herself to explore?

 

Masculine traits in a girl? Admirable. Feminine traits in a boy? Disgusting. That's what I was reading this morning. It looks like a double standard.

[lionfamily1999]

Strangely, this was exactly the thread I was wishing to see when I left for work this morning.

 

I'm disappointed, though not surprised, to see the marked contrast between the approval of "tomboys" here and the denigration of "sissies" on the other thread. As smrtmama said, gender doesn't have to be a social binary, and several others on this thread seem to agree, including you, remudamom. However, why do you consider it acceptable for girls to explore stereotypically masculine traits but not for boys to explore stereotypically feminine ones? Is it possible that "effeminate" behaviors are not, in and of themselves, the problem? Might it be that a "tomboy" sort of woman is going to dislike stereotypically feminine preferences or behaviors in a boy that she didn't enjoy or adhere to even as a girl? Might that be, not the boy's problem, but hypocrisy on the part of the mother; the denial of freedoms she has permitted herself to explore?

 

Masculine traits in a girl? Admirable. Feminine traits in a boy? Disgusting. That's what I was reading this morning. It looks like a double standard.

I don't think sissy behavior is good in girls either. It gets my hackles up, because it does perpetuate the stereotype that girls cannot handle things (like dirt or bugs or whatever).

 

I would not have equated sissy with effeminate, though.

[Saille]

I don't think sissy behavior is good in girls either. It gets my hackles up, because it does perpetuate the stereotype that girls cannot handle things (like dirt or bugs or whatever).

 

I would not have equated sissy with effeminate, though.

 

remudamom did, on the other thread. Others went on to say that whininess and helplessness were not traits they considered acceptable in either gender, and not effeminate traits per se, but the term "sissy" stood, without further definition...at least none that I saw prior to the thread's deletion.

[lionfamily1999]

remudamom did, on the other thread. Others went on to say that whininess and helplessness were not traits they considered acceptable in either gender, and not effeminate traits per se, but the term "sissy" stood, without further definition...at least none that I saw prior to the thread's deletion.

Ah. Yes, I missed the end of it too.... I think.

 

I think it might be because sissiness and effeminate behavior can be pretty close (I'm think along the lines of "ewwwww" followed by squealing, I find that irritating in anyone). I've know effeminate men that weren't sissies ;)

[Skadi]

I think a lot of the trouble with this sort of discussion is that everyone defines terms like "tomboy" and "feminine" differently. I don't think climbing trees, picking up bugs or playing sports makes a girl a tomboy. But my daughters will learn certain skills or conform to certain standards which we have chosen to be exclusive to their gender. We want them to become proficient in sewing, knitting, cooking, art (a specialization in sketching, watercolor, pottery or some other technique), ballet or another form of dance of their choice, and various areas of domesticity (e.g. babysitting). We want them to wear skirts and dresses 80% of the time and to grow their hair long. We believe that a little girl who loves getting dirty can still display certain qualities that differentiate her from "the rest of the boys."

 

Some of those skills I mentioned are taught to boys as well -- cooking, for instance -- but the key is that we aren't training boys to become expertly proficient in those areas. We expect a boy to grow up and be fully capable of cooking for himself or for a few guests with ease, but we expect girls to know how to cook a much larger variety of recipes and be able to put food on the table for a group of twenty people. By the same token, both girls and boys will receive training in self-defense and marksmanship, but we will go above and beyond investing in those sports with the boys. If a boy is especially interested in learning to cook, of course we'll pursue that interest with him, and if a girl wants to learn more self-defense, we'll go there too. But by and large, boys will spend more quality time with their father and girls will spend more quality time with their mother. As a parent I will try to guide girls toward more feminine exercises that focus on dexterity (ballet, gymnastics, ice skating) while boys will be guided towards contact sports that require strength (wrestling, football, hockey).

 

It isn't that we want to teach girls to be simpering, fainting damsels or boys to be bullying, arrogant thugs. That caricature isn't our idea of gender-specific childraising at all. We just think that each gender can be well-rounded in their own way, taking advantage of their innate aptitudes to hone skills that will be the most constructive for them as adults.

[Saille]

I think a lot of the trouble with this sort of discussion is that everyone defines terms like "tomboy" and "feminine" differently. I don't think climbing trees, picking up bugs or playing sports makes a girl a tomboy. But my daughters will learn certain skills or conform to certain standards which we have chosen to be exclusive to their gender. We want them to become proficient in sewing, knitting, cooking, art (a specialization in sketching, watercolor, pottery or some other technique), ballet or another form of dance of their choice, and various areas of domesticity (e.g. babysitting). We want them to wear skirts and dresses 80% of the time and to grow their hair long. We believe that a little girl who loves getting dirty can still display certain qualities that differentiate her from "the rest of the boys."

 

Some of those skills I mentioned are taught to boys as well -- cooking, for instance -- but the key is that we aren't training boys to become expertly proficient in those areas. We expect a boy to grow up and be fully capable of cooking for himself or for a few guests with ease, but we expect girls to know how to cook a much larger variety of recipes and be able to put food on the table for a group of twenty people. By the same token, both girls and boys will receive training in self-defense and marksmanship, but we will go above and beyond investing in those sports with the boys. If a boy is especially interested in learning to cook, of course we'll pursue that interest with him, and if a girl wants to learn more self-defense, we'll go there too. But by and large, boys will spend more quality time with their father and girls will spend more quality time with their mother. As a parent I will try to guide girls toward more feminine exercises that focus on dexterity (ballet, gymnastics, ice skating) while boys will be guided towards contact sports that require strength (wrestling, football, hockey).

 

It isn't that we want to teach girls to be simpering, fainting damsels or boys to be bullying, arrogant thugs. That caricature isn't our idea of gender-specific childraising at all. We just think that each gender can be well-rounded in their own way, taking advantage of their innate aptitudes to hone skills that will be the most constructive for them as adults.

 

Is that the issue? That some of us believe in gender-specific childraising, and others do not? It still seems like it would be hard to define "sissy" in that context, b/c what are the odds that, even among gender-specific childrearing advocates, that everyone's criteria will match up?

 

ETA: Are you operating under the dictum that your girls should not work outside the home, but should run the household, and that your boys should work outside the home, and are not responsible for any of the work of the household?

Edited May 28, 2010 by Saille